Triaxx was grinning as he looked through the upcoming nominations. "You know, if you think about it, you could almost say you were nominated in the next category. I mean, one of the stories is named after you."
Jason shot him a very dirty look. "Don't remind me. It's disturbing enough as is it. Do you know that Neb tried to sneak a cow in here earlier if his story wins?"
"Really?"
Jason nodded quickly. "He tried, that's for sure." Shooting Cpneb a very evil grin, he continued. "By the way, I'm having a barbeque after party. Plenty of steaks for everybody!"
A familiar figure rose to his feet at that, his eyes wide. "NNNOOOOooo... you monster."
Triaxx quickly grabbed the microphone, hoping to stop something from happening. Let's just get our next presenters out here quickly. Ladies and gentlemen, the presenters of the 'Best Short Story' category here are Tara and Joe Stoppinghem."
As the lights dim, two bright circles of light fall upon two people walking onto the stage from opposite directions, the chorus of the controversial song from "Short People" echoes through the room. The lady graces the stage with her elegant gown. The gent is wearing a black suit with white shirt and simple black tie. Joe Stoppinghem begins his portion of the presentation:
"The way we were announced makes it sound like we're related. Well, I must say this is different than my presentation last year."
"What? Your jokes will be funny this time?" a voice shouted from the audience.
"Who is that?" the presenter demands. "Where did that come from? Is that, that, Agent Du? Listen, if this is a about that ten dollars from last year..."
"That was fifty dollars and no, I just want to see an amateur embarrass himself tonight."
"Ahem. I've been asked by the producers of the award show to refrain from telling any of my jokes or puns."
"NO! That just tanks!" came a single shout from the audience, while the rest of the attendees heaved sighs of relief.
"Thanks, Ron. We both realize that good humor is hardly appreciated."
"So do we!" shouted Bonnie Rockweller.
"Say, Tara, isn't that your best friend Bonnie?"
"Oh, yes, we have been friends forever. But don't ever get into a fight with her."
"Oh, is she the type of girl to start a bar fight?"
"Oh, no, she doesn't start bar fights... She wins them."
The crowd giggled at the remark.
"Speaking of fights," Tara continued, "I'm surprised that the officials allowed us to play the song, 'Short People.' Some consider the song very offensive."
"Oh?" Joe asked. "Have you known this song to cause fights?"
"Oh yes," Tara answered. "Anyone who goes around singing that song is just asking for a black knee."
The audience breaks out in a collective groan. Joe Stoppinghem interrupts the chuckles by continuing:
"Say, uh, Tara, I happened to notice that you didn't come to the show with any of the previous gents you've had relationships with over the past few years. Keeping your morals high?"
"I'm keeping more than that. I was going out with Kevin Guberman for quite a while, but I figured at one point he wasn't growing up. He would say to me, 'Tara, I just want to have fun for the rest of the summer.' Well I told him either he can have fun or he can spend the rest of the summer with me.' That didn't turn out so good.
The audience sighed at her remark.
"That's too bad. Weren't you also seeing Josh Mankey?"
"Josh is a nice guy but the trouble is, he could be pretty cheap at times."
"Oh, was there a breaking point in that relationship?"
"Yes, it finally came to a head when he really felt it was better to buy toilet paper instead of tissues. And I inquired, 'You want me to use toilet paper to blow my nose?' He replied, 'Yes, tissues are a waste of money,' and then he said that if I covered my eyes and blew my nose, it would feel the same. To which I replied, 'If I cover my eyes, I couldn't blow my nose at the same time.'"
This time the audience laughed out loud, with Ron laughing the hardest.
"I think I know what the plan is here, KP," Ron mentioned to his BFGF. "HE'S not allowed to tell the jokes tonight."
"Oh no, I was so hoping we were going to be spared tonight," replied Kim.
"Ah, come on! I've heard what the ladies talk about when their guys aren't around."
"Ron, what are you... Ah, you've been listening to my conversations with Monique!" retorted Kim. She was starting to become angry.
"Aaah," Ron stammered, trying to cool the sitch. "Let's listen to Tara."
"Lately I've been dating Felix Renton," the blond presenter continued.
"Oh? He seems like a good guy."
"Well, I'm not so sure. He's the quiet type."
"And that's bad?"
"Just the other day we were at his house and I commented, ' You're very quiet.'"
"And I suppose he replied that he didn't have anything to say?"
"Yes, did I tell you this already? Anyway, I replied, 'You don't have anything to say? What does that have to do with it? If no one said anything unless they had something to say, the world would be a very, very quiet place.'"
"You go, girl!" shouted Monique.
"What was his response?" asked Joe Stoppinghem.
Shyly Tara replied, "He said he wouldn't know."
Ron Stoppable was the only one who laughed; the rest of the men just looked at each other and nodded their heads.
"I'm sorry to hear that, Tara," Joe said sympathetically. "But, I'm glad to see you're able to stand up for yourself."
"Speaking of standing, there's a guy off stage who is starting to look a little worried, and keeps looking at his watch and waving his hands up in the air. Maybe we should get back to the presentation."
"Yes, of course, ladies and gentlemen," began Joe Stoppinghem. "This award will go to the best "Short Story" in the category of Kim Possible stories for 2008. As we all know, the Short Story category is almost self explanatory..."
"Looks like we're out of time," Tara interrupted. "Here are the nominees."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
1919 – MrDrP
The two old friends found themselves staring at one another. Though it had been almost fifteen years since they'd seen each other, neither Mim nor Jon had any doubt as to the other's identity.
Mim gasped and raised her hands to her mouth.
Jon gawped.
Then, without thinking, the two old friends embraced.
"You're alive," Jon said, his body trembling. "Thank God, you're alive."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
chRONicles: Paper Cuts - Samurai Crunchbird
The piñata itself was hung from two strong yarns attached to the grids holding the ceiling tiles. Once Ron was blindfolded, Mrs. Singletary positioned her straw-haired student.
"Okay…" she instructed "…pull the palo out of the sling now."
Ron hesitated only a little, due to his blindfold. He drew the palo from its leather sheath soon enough and held it high above his head.
"That's it, Ronald." Mrs. Singletary continued. "You're doing fine. Now get ready to hit the piñata on three. Come on and join in, everybody…"
As Ron poised at the ready, the entire class chanted with Mrs. Singletary…
"…One…"
"…Two…"
"FREEZE! Middleton Police! Drop the machete!" A gruff voice shouted.
The room was quickly surrounded by members of the local constabulary. Most of the officers were protecting the 'hostages'. One officer drew closer and pointed a long stick toward the 'assailant'
Confused and still blindfolded, Ron stammered, "But, Officer…"
"Drop it NOW!!" The officer demanded. This time, Ron caught a sound he only heard once before—back at the dairy farm. It was the distinctive crackling noise made by electrical current surging through a cattle prod.
Understanding what usually happened after that sound was made, Ron quickly released his grip on the palo. When it made contact with the linoleum-lined concrete, the palo snapped into several pieces, with only the foil and leather grip holding it together. All the while, Ron did not even dare move his arms to take off the blindfold.
The officer put away the cattle prod and growled, "Okay, hot shot. You are in BIG troub—"
With the adrenaline rushing in the 'heat of the moment', the officer did not fully recognize his surroundings at first. Once the 'danger' was neutralized, he finally looked around to notice…
…the remaining pieces of cake…the decorations on the wall…the piñata hanging from the ceiling…and a teacher with a look on her face that could melt the Polar Ice Cap!
Stumbling in an effort to 'save face', the young officer removed the blindfold, handed the broken 'weapon' to Ron and muttered, "Here's your machete, kid. Sorry about that."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Kissing Lessons – Neo the Saiyan Angel
"Dude, seriously?"
"Seriously."
"Seriously?"
"Seriously!"
"…seriously?"
" SERIOUSLY! Now will you PLEASE stop saying that!" Drakken yelled at his younger cousin.
"Saying what?"
"Seriously."
"Seriously?"
"Seriously! Knock it off!"
Motor Ed sat quietly at the table in Drakken's lair, looking at the cup of cocoa-moo his cousin had fixed for him. He gave Drakken the occasional glance and opened his mouth a few times, just to close it again a second later. Drakken, on the other hand, kept tapping his fingers on the table to a bland tune, a constipated expression plastered on his face and his body slouching in the high-backed chair that he sat in. Eventually, the quiet tapping of Drakken's fingers compelled Ed to break the uneasy silence.
"You've never…you've never…uh…"
"Kissed anyone? No, I haven't," Drakken said as he took his hand off of the table and started to rub his temples. He took a quick glance at his cousin and started to get angry. "You're acting like I just told you wrestling is fake or something. It's not that weird."
"Dude, you're what, 40? And you've never even kissed anyone?" Ed asked.
"Well, I've been kissed, but I haven't kissed anyone myself. When you say it like that, it sounds bad."
"Sad is more like it, cuz. How do you expect to get the green babe to like you if you can't even lock lips properly?"
"Who said that I wanted Shego?" Drakken said defensively. A ring of petals popped up around Drakken's neck.
"Dude, your killer plants totally betray you. Seriously, you need to get some practice…" Suddenly, Ed's face brightened and a smile started to work its way to his mouth. "…or a tutor."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ron's Reality – Whitem
"Oh… And I also wanted to try something else. I'm not sure if this is going to work though…"
After the chair settled back to the floor, Ron placed the palm of his right hand over the glass of ice. The glass raised up into his palm, but before it made contact with his hand, Monique saw the glass start to glow with a blue energy that was laced with what looked like small bolts of electricity. The glass and ice disappeared, and now sitting in Ron's upturned hand was a glowing ball of energy that looked not unlike Shego's plasma glow. Only this was blue and white.
"How… How are you doing that?" She asked nervously, backing away from Ron.
"I've done it! I've connected with the energy that everything is infused with… and I can control it! This is sooo COOL!" He then looked at the ball of energy in his hand, and it turned back into the glass, which was still holding the ice as if nothing had ever happened.
"Monique…" Ron said excitedly with a blue fire in his eyes. This caused the black girl to back away from him with fear now showing on her face. "I need to find Kim's body! I think I can bring her back! She doesn't have to be dead Monique! She doesn't have to be dead!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
She Can Haunt Anyone – MrDrP
Kim nodded, surprised by how at peace she was with things. While she was sad and knew that some time in the future she'd want, indeed need, to check on her family, just as she knew Ron would too, she was also excited by the new adventure she and her beloved were about to share.
"Well then, after you," Ron said, gesturing to the hatch with a gentlemanly bow and flourish.
Kim snorted, blew him an air kiss, and approached the exit.
Now ready to leave, they looked at themselves one last time, climbed through the hatch and began to make their way down to the base of the tree.
"I'm glad we're still solid," Kim observed.
"Yeah, though I'm hoping we'll figure out how to dematerialize so we can walk through walls," Ron replied.
"You are so weird," she said.
"Hey, I am what I—whoops!"
Ron was taken by surprise when his foot missed a rung and he slipped. Rather than fall to the ground, though, he did a clumsy flip and found himself floating upside down a few feet above the ground. "Coolio!" he exclaimed. Filled with childlike wonder, he began doing some back-flips.
"Ron, stop fooling around," Kim said, unable to hide her bemusement and delight at what she was seeing.
"Fear not, KP. My head's in the game," he said as he gently drifted towards the ground. Much to his chagrin, the moment he touched down, his pants fell to his ankles. "Aw, man! Not even when I'm a ghost!"
Kim covered her mouth and tried, without much success, to stifle her giggles. "Come on, you big goof," she said affectionately. "Let's go."
As Ron adjusted his trousers, Kim smiled. Then she twined her fingers with his and they began to walk, hand-in-hand, across the moonlit grass and into their future.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Zaratan's Contest – cpneb
…He (Zaratan) screamed, the popcorn went flying, and Jason sat straight up, amazingly still holding on to the candy bowl. When he finally was able to slow his breathing, he realized that he was sitting in his living room, in his lounge chair, and the television was still on, showing the CTV Halloween specials. The doorbell rang again, and he realized that this was Halloween, and he was handing out candy this year….
He stood, walked to the door, opened it, and dropped the candy bowl. Some distant part of his mind heard the bowl bounce (it was a very large plastic bowl), and he heard pieces of candy hit the floor, but the preponderance of his mind was focused, laser-like, on the vision before him.
"Hello, Jason," a sultry voice wafted through the doorway. Bonnie Rockwaller grinned: grinned like a Cheshire cat that was about to devour the proverbial canary. Jason, though, was in pure shock: she was wearing a LBD that left NOTHING to the imagination, and her 5-inch heels made certain that you knew what she had in mind. The red stole draping over her shoulders made her even the more enticing, and Jason could not help but wonder if the vision, standing there, wasn't really the goddesses Aphrodite made flesh and visiting this poor mortal to grant the great honor to see gazing upon her perfect flesh.
"B-B-B-B-Bonnie?" he stammered.
"Shush," she whispered and closed his mouth with a single digit of her right hand, stepping into the house, pushing him back, pushing the door closed behind her with her left foot, and locking the deadbolt all in one swift move. Once inside, she pulled off the stole, using both hands to lift it over her head and dropped it over Jason's shoulders, pulling it down until it was now looped around his waist, pulling him into her. He grinned like a Mad Dog as he gazed at her now-exposed bronzed and creamy shoulders and neck, and once again he wondered why he was not a vampire for Halloween.
Bonnie looked down and frowned at the candy on the floor, then looked up with a grin: "Awww, Jason: you dropped your 'bon-bons,'" she smirked. "Let's replace them with the real thing," she smiled and gazed into his eyes. Jason opened his mouth, but Bonnie replaced that same finger back at Jason's lips.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
"And the winner is... 1919 by MrDrP!"
Nana Possible, dressed in a tasteful Sperlucci evening gown, and Senor Senior, Senior, wearing black tie, walked out on stage. The two elders were the embodiment of grace and elegance.
"It is our great privilege to be here with you tonight," Senor Senior said, his urbane voice strong and clear. "Thank you for having us."
"It is nice to be here," Nana agreed. "Though I would be better able to enjoy the evening if the young people here were more modestly dressed. They're going to catch cold."
"Perhaps I can arrange to have the heat turned up," Senor Senior said. "After all, I do own this facility."
"Oh, but that would be so wasteful," Nana said. "Besides, there's no reason people can't just put on sweaters. They'd be warm and their navels would be covered."
"Nana!" Kim protested when she saw her grandmother's gaze focused on her.
"You know I'm right, Kimberly Ann," she scolded.
Kim growled in response.
"Deep breath, KP," Ron said to his girlfriend. "Remember, she can take you."
"Who's side are you on, Ron?" the fiery teen demanded.
"Yours!" he sputtered before he added, "Though your Nana's lemon squares are pretty badical." Seeing the displeased look on his GF's face, Ron mumbled, "Shutting up now."
Kim, seeing how contrite Ron looked, relented. "Sorry for harshing on you," she said. Then she kissed him on the cheek.
"If that's harshing, then I'm all about it," Ron said with a goofy grin.
"Perhaps I am being a stick in the mud," Nana observed as she smiled indulgently. "They make such an adorable couple, aren't they?"
"Yes, they do," Senior said. "And most redoubtable and honorable foes. It is a joy to face them in the ongoing contest between good and evil."
"I thought you foreswore villainy," Nana said sharply.
"I have tried, but it is hard for an old man to give up long-standing habits."
"Not if you still want to be my date for the Chez Leisure Shuffleboard Hoedown."
"Well, my dreams of evildoing are nothing compared to the call of romance."
"Smart billionaire," Nana said impishly.
"I do what I can," Senior said graciously.
"Well, I've had enough of this wild event," Nana said. "How about we do something more age-appropriate like sky-diving?"
"It would be my pleasure," Senior said.
As the two oldsters turned to leave, Triple S bowed to the audience. "Before we go, allow me to say that it is our sincere pleasure to thank each and everyone of you for honoring 1919 with this most wonderful award."
"On behalf of MrDrP, thank you!" Nana added.
Then, hand in hand, the Possible matriarch and the fifth richest man in the world strode off stage.
Before they were finished and about to leave the podium, Joe Stoppinghem spoke up. "I do want to thank this fine lady for her cooperation with my presentation tonight. During the rehearsals I've discovered she is very intelligent, quick-witted, has great timing and is wonderful to work with. I know I've broken the acting code by stating this, but I don't want her to be considered a 'typical blond'."
"What?" Tara replied.
"I'm just saying I know you as a..."
"I heard what you said, I'm asking about your 'Typical blond' statement."
"Whoa, I'm sorry if you think I offended you."
"Well, I'm sorry if I think you're offensive."
This brought a round of applause from the audience, and someone shouted, "You go, girlfriend!" Only this time it was from Mrs. Dr. P.
Just then the music began, indicating that Tara and Joe Stoppinghem should leave the stage. If one listened carefully you could hear the gent reply with, "Yes, ma'am."
"MA'AM! Did you just call me MA'AM!"
Triaxx quickly moved over to the microphone, his eyes on the pair of them. "Well, before Tara claims he second victim of the night, let's welcome our next performers. Please welcome Kelly Clarkson and Justin Guarini with Timeless."
Come close let me tell you this
In a whisper my heart says you know it too
Baby we both share a secret wish
And you feelin' my love reaching out to you
Timeless
Don't let it end (no)
Now that you're right here in my arms where you should stay
Hold tight baby
Timeless
Don't let it fade out of sight
Just let the moments sweep us both away
Lifting us to where
We both agree
It's just timeless love
I see it all baby in your eyes
When you look at me you know i feel it too (yes I do)
So lets sail away and be forever baby
Where the crystal ocean melts into the sky
We shouldn't let the moment pass
Making me shiver let's make it last
Why should we lose it don't ever let me go
Timeless
Baby its timeless
Oh baby its timeless
Timeless
Don't let it fade out of sight
Just let the moments sweep us both away
Lifting us to where
We both agree
It's just timeless
It's just timeless
Love