I'm back again with another chapter! I am so, so glad I've been able to advance on this story and no more writer's block has hit me straight in the face. Let's hope things continue to improve until the end of the story, which I have no idea yet when it will be. I feel like I still have a lot to talk about.

How are you guys liking it so far?

Also, thank you so much for all the reviews. They are much appreciated and they motivate me to keep digging into this.

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Chapter 25: My Fault

"Good morning lad" greeted the man when a few minutes after Ben walked out of the house, Alex emerged from his room, fully dressed although still showing the remnants of sleep.

"Eagle" the boy answered as a way of greeting, making his way into the kitchen to get started on his breakfast. They were sitting at the table, and trust someone like Eagle to break out the silence with blunt words.

"So what've you been up to, Cub?" Alex looked at him dumbfounded.

"Nothing?" it ended up sounding as a question.

"Well, you definitely look better than the last time I saw you. Why not make the most of the time and go outside?" Alex kept eating his breakfast while regarding the older man with a distrustful look.

"Ben put you up to this, didn't he?"

"Aw, come on, you know Foxy worries about you. We all do" answered Eagle. Alex felt some embarrassment creep up to his cheeks and he dropped his head to stare at his cereal as if he could kill them with the power of his mind.

"You don't have to" he murmured between his teeth "I'm fine"

"If you're fine, go out then. Why don't you call your friend… what was his name again? The funny one?" Alex raised an eyebrow.

"Tom?" he supplied.

"Yeah! That one. Go hang out with him"

"I don't feel like it"

"I'm sure you'll end up having fun"

"No, thanks"

"I just got here from a pretty long flight. I could use the time to catch some sleep"

"Go to sleep then"

"I have to look after you"

"No, you don't"

"See, that's where you're wrong. Fox thinks you're spending too much time in your room and that going out would be good for you. No need to lock yourself up in a cave for the rest of the summer break and if you just call-" the sound of the metal spoon hitting the plate made him stop.

"Bloody hell Eagle! If I call Tom will you just shut up?" the older man, instead of looking taken aback by the outburst, sent the teenager a satisfied grin.

"Sure" Alex stared at him.

"You're unbelievable" he muttered.

"I know. I'm good, aren't I?" Eagle asked, he didn't care how annoying he had to be, he had managed his goal.

"Whatever"

An hour later found Alex walking out the door on his way to meet Tom.

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"Glad you called mate" the other bot greeted him when they met at their usual park "So, how was your trip? I thought you were only going away like for a week"

"I know. We just decided to stay longer because we were having so much fun…" he tried for his usual nonchalant smile. It didn't reach his eyes.

Alex tried to steer the conversation towards his friend and how his summer was going. His goal was to keep Tom talking for the better part of two hours and then going back home, hoping that it was enough to appease both Eagle and Ben. He was still trying to deal with all the conflicted emotions running through him and he didn't need their constant vigil to top off the stress level.

"…ing to me? Alex!" the blond jumped out of his thoughts and focused back on his friend.

"Yeah, I'm listening" Tom sent him a disbelieving look and then a shadow crossed his features.

"What did they do?" he asked, suddenly way too serious.

"What do you mean? What did who do?" Alex asked, confused. He was genuinely not expecting this turn on the conversation.

"Bloody MI6, that's who! What did they make you do? I thought you were done with them!" Ales was even more surprised by the heat behind those words.

"Nothing. What are you talking about? I haven't had any contact with them since last time. You know that"

"But you have that look, Alex. The same one you used to get when you came back from a mission. When you were hurt" Tom said, his voice softening some. Alex meant to keep denying that anything had, in fact happened, but he couldn't find the energy to pretend. He sighed and remained silent, leaving his friend with the job to conduct the next part of their conversation "Why did you go to Ukraine with Ben? Why would he let you go on a mission?"

"It wasn't a mission. We were going on vacation. I just ran into some trouble during the week and we had to stay longer"

"Are you sure it wasn't some elaborate way from them to get you on board of whatever was going on?" Tom would never stop being suspicious of MI6.

"I'm sure" Alex said with certainty, remembering the reason why Serhiv had abducted him in the first place: his voice.

"Then what happened?" Alex wasn't about to tell the whole truth and somewhere along the way, what really happened ended up mixing with the hunting thoughts he'd been having for a while now.

"It was my fault, actually" he went to say how the sound of his voice had prompted a psychopath to kidnap him and do unspeakable things to him, but he caught himself "I just have this terrible luck" Tom snorted.

"Yeah, no kidding!" Alex looked up at him then, a mixture of he-didn't-even-know-what showing on his face. Tom noticed "I mean. You do have terrible luck. There's no denying that. That doesn't mean it's your fault though"

"Oh yeah? And whose fault is that, then? My uncle's? My parents'?"

"We both know who's really to blame for all the shit going on in your life"

"Not everything has been their fault" Alex said, not sure why he was even defending them.

"I know none of it has been yours" Tom said with earnest. This time it was Alex who snorted.

"That's bullshit. I always end up finding trouble. Sometimes I do it on purpose" he answered, thinking of all the missions he hadn't exactly been chosen to do but he had ended up in the middle of them by being stupid and curious and sticking his nose where he shouldn't have. Tom went to say something, probably disagree with him, but Alex didn't let him. He stood up and kept ranting "No! I mean, that's it, isn't it? Everything that's happened has been my fault because I couldn't stop myself from looking, from going where I wasn't supposed to be going. All this time, every mission, Jack's death, Scorpia. Everything's been my fault"

"Alex, come on, that's not-"

"And what happened in Kiev was also my fault" Alex said with finality. Stopping in front of his face and looking at Tom as if he had just remembered he'd been there "I gotta go" he turned to leave.

"Wait! You can't go off like that! Tell me what happened in Kiev?" Alex turned around while still walking away.

"Don't worry. I'll be fine. It won't happen again" and he started running back to the house, leaving a stunned Tom behind to try to make sense of everything Alex had just said.

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By the time Ben got back from the bank, the sky was beginning to darken. Eagle had finished unpacking and was laying across the couch taking a nap. Ben couldn't really blame him, the unit was on leave after all and he knew for a fact how much jet lag could tire someone out. Alex was nowhere to be seen and he suspected the teen would be in his room, staring at the roof or going through his phone, which was all he seemed interested in doing lately. Ben sighed. He walked to his own room to get changed and was actually surprised when he heard the door at the end of the hall open and a sock clad figure stand at his door.

"How was you're first day back?" asked Alex "Did they give you a mission yet?"

"No, not yet. We're in the clear" Ben was pleased to see Alex sigh minimally from relief. Then he noticed the teen's clothes and smiled.

"Did you go out today?" Alex hadn't bothered changing to more comfortable clothes once he arrived home. He shrugged though, as if the detail of having gone out that day wasn't important. To ben though, it was.

"Oh, yeah. Met with Tom"

"That's great, Alex! How did it go?" they had now moved the conversation towards the kitchen where Ben began rummaging through the fridge.

"Good. Look, I've been doing some research and I think I found a good place for me to go to this summer and pick up the rhythm. It isn't that expensive and I could pay you back as soon as I can. Also-"

"Hold up" Ben interrupted, having lost the string of the conversation "What place? For what? What are you talking about?"

"It's a training gym that also specializes in different fighting styles. They've got Karate, Taekwondo and a lot more. It's a bit far but I can take the tube" Alex was looking at him with expectant eyes.

"You want to start training Karate again? I thought you didn't want anything to do with that anymore"

"Now I do. Can I go?" something was different, Ben thought. By now, Eagle had woken up and was leaning on the doorway to the kitchen stifling a yawn.

"What brought this on?" Ben was beginning to worry. Somehow he didn't think exposing Alex to violence right now was the best way to deal with the situation.

"Nothing, I just want to keep in shape" Alex answered and looked back when it was Eagle who answered.

"Go running. That'll do it" the blond scowled at him.

"It's not the same. I need to do this. Come on" he prompted, turning back to Ben, who had crossed his arms over his chest, pensive.

"Something must have brought this on. It's the first time you've talked about fighting again" Alex rolled his eyes, knowing the man wouldn't move forward on the conversation if he didn't answer this particular question.

"I was talking to Tom this morning and I realized that a lot of what's happened in my life has been my own fault. If I hadn't been out of shape in Kiev, maybe I wouldn't have been taken" Ben and Eagle shared a look after that statement, not that Alex could see because he had averted his gaze to the floor.

"Did Tom say that?" asked Ben.

"I mean, he agreed with me" Alex replied and, if Tom had been there to defend himself, he would've told him how wrong he'd misinterpreted his comments back at the park.

"Well, then he's not such a great friend after all" Eagle said, and Alex turned back to him, furious.

"How can you say that! He's the best friend I've ever got! Eagle raised his hands in surrender.

"I'm just saying, that's not a very nice thing to say to someone"

"I wasn't asking you, anyway!" Alex snapped and Ben was getting even more worried about how much the situation was escalating and how angry Alex was getting.

"Alex, bring it down a notch, will you?"

"We're getting off topic here" the blond replied, to his credit, he did lower his voice "I need to go to this gym Ben, please.

"Buddy, I don't see how this is gonna help you right now. Your injuries aren't completely healed" Ben tried to be reasonable.

"I won't push it. I'll start slow"

"I don't think it's a good idea, Al"

"Why not?" the boy asked, some heat returning to his voice. He had been sure Ben would agree to his plan. He'd been pestering him to get out of the house more, hadn't he? This was supposed to please him as well.

"Don't you think you should, I don't know, talk to somebody before you go and do that?" he asked. He'd been meaning to bring the subject up from some time now but hadn't really found the chance. This was going to have to be it. Alex stared at him.

"Talk to somebody about what?" he asked menacingly, as if daring Ben to keep going with his line of thought.

"About what happened to you" he wasn't going to mention exactly what part he thought Alex needed the most help dealing with because Eagle was there to listen to it all, but his meaning was clear and Alex got it.

"You want me to go see a shrink" it wasn't a question. It was a statement.

"A professional. Someone you can open up to. Someone who can help" Ben was totally unprepared for the hatred behind Alex's next words.

"So you want to take the problem off your shoulders then?" he asked, venom in his voice. Boy, was he misunderstanding everything that day.

"What? No" the older man replied, genuinely surprised.

"Well, I'm sorry this is too much for you to handle but I don't need a shrink! I'm fine!" his voice was raising again. Eagle looked at his friend and saw the raw confusion there. Ben didn't know what to say now. Alex had obviously drawn wrong conclusions out of Ben's proposal and the kid wasn't being exactly rational about it.

"Cub" he intervened. He didn't want the conversation to escalate any further "Don't be unreasonable. Fox just wants to help you. Seeing somebody actually sounds like a good idea"

"Don't talk like you know what's best for me" Alex said, looking now at them both "I just need some time to train and be in top shape, so I can make sure nothing else ever happens to me again. That's what I need" he continued in a deceivingly calmer tone "So, can I go to this gym or not?" he regarded Ben with an intense glare and the older man felt the weight of his response even before he said it. He honestly did believe Alex's proposal wasn't the best way to go about things and, despite how mad the kid would be at him, he decided to stand his ground.

"No. You're not ready to start fight-training now" he said with finality. He was expecting Alex to keep shouting. To have a bigger tantrum than the one he was having now, but he didn't. instead he just nodded and announced he'd be in his room for the rest of the night.

"I'm not hungry" he said right before leaving the kitchen after Ben asked if he should go tell him when dinner was ready "And I'd like to be left alone for the rest of the night"

When they were left alone in the kitchen, Ben took a shaky breath and sat down on the table. Eagle approached and took the seat opposite him.

"Damn. That was hard to watch" he offered "They always say teenager are a pain, but I never knew how difficult they could be"

"You have no idea. They literally think the world is out to get them" Ben agreed.

"In this case, it might be true though" Ben looked up "Think about it. That kid's been through more than all of us put together" Eagle continued, referring to their unit.

"Gosh, I seriously don't know what to do man. I really can't help him" Ben replied, his voice going gruff at the end.

"You'll figure something out. Why don't you go talk to somebody, about how to deal with him"

"That's…" but he trailed off "That might actually work" he said, running a hand through his hair. Then he added "Listen, I know this is your down time and the mood here isn't great right now. If you want to call Wolf and crash with them, that's okay mate"

"Nah, you need all the help you can get, so I'm gonna stay here and help if you don't mind" Ben smiled and nodded. He just hoped it would be enough to help Alex too.

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Alex wasn't even sure about what he was doing. He was just seething inside. He couldn't keep standing being in his room anymore, doing nothing more than playing and replaying everything bad that had ever happened in his life up until their trip to Kiev and all the times Serhiy decided it was okay to mess with him, to trespass the limits, to violate him with every touch.

He almost felt like he wanted to get out of his own body but, knowing he couldn't, he decided going out of his room was the best next option. Problem was, he didn't want to deal with Ben or Eagle either. He was too angry and ashamed at the same time about their fight. He felt like he couldn't control any of his thoughts and feelings and he was starting to get desperate. He needed to get out.

Tom had texted him a couple of times during the afternoon but he'd ignored the messages. Now, looking at his phone, he knew he couldn't take it with him. He didn't want to be tempted into calling his friend for help. Tom didn't deserve to get all of this dumped on his doorstep.

He picked a sweater from his closet and put on his shoes. He scribbled a few words on a paper and let the paper rest on his bed before opening his window and jumping out. He started walking, and walking, and walking, until he was far away from the house and far from the oppressive care he kept getting from the men living with him. It felt oppressive because he didn't think he deserve it and he'd be damned if he kept adding to their friend's worries by being an ungrateful brat. Until he knew how to deal with himself, he wouldn't come back.

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I'm finding the scenes harder to write the more erratic and emotional Alex gets. I'm sorry if he's too OOC but I don't really know how else to describe him while he struggles with the aftermath of his trip and then the self-recriminating thoughts. I suppose Ben I also a bit OOC, but let's remember that he's actually on the young side of life as well (I mean, he hasn't reached 30, right?) and I think he cares so much about Alex that he's hurting too, seeing Alex so out of sorts and neither of them having literally any idea on what to do.

Please, let me know if you guys think this is working or not and maybe I can make some adjustments! So, leave a review, pleeease?