Note: This chapter has been edited from it's original form for compliance with the M rating on FanFiction. For the full, MA version of this chapter please visit this same story on Archive of Our Own. The story title and chapter title are the same. The author name is DeepLittleSOB. The link to my Dashboard is in my profile.

This is my take on the episode 'My Heart Will Go On'.

Drunk once again, Dean stumbles his way through the cemetery he's come upon on his meandering ways around the current town they're in. He's been drinking but he's not stupid. Walking down main roadways while this hammered would just be asking to get arrested for public intoxication and graveyards tend to be quiet. And most wouldn't think twice about seeing a man grieving amongst the dead while drunk.

He needs to fix everything. That's all he can think about. It has to be set right.

"Cass!" Dean shouts with half exhaustion and half anger, the bottle of whiskey sloshing near empty in his hand. "Cass, come on! Need… to talk to you."

Dean comes across a large headstone with the surname Campbell carved into it. He huffs when he reads it and drops to the grass in a highly uncoordinated way. His back leaning into the cold, smooth stone he lifts his arm to take a swig of whiskey but halfway there he has to think, what's the point? He can't get any drunker.

"Fuck, Cass, man… you gotta talk to me."

"I think you're right," Castiel answers him as he's suddenly standing in front of the hunter, looking down at his friend who's clearly had better days. "We do need to talk."

"Bring her back, Cass," Dean instantly begs him, forgoing any semblance of pride and integrity. He doesn't care. He needs Lizzy back.

"We've had this conversation before…" Castiel starts to explain as they really have had this talk several times over.

"But it's been all wrong," Dean says with sheer desperation in his voice. "This was never the way it was supposed to happen."

Castiel sighs and after a moment of contemplation he takes a seat on the grass facing Dean. The human has been his friend for so long now, having trusted him when he shouldn't have and having accepted him into his family. He's had a bond with Dean from the moment he released him from hell and he needs to take the moment to explain. In this timeline Dean isn't pissed off at him so at least he knows the man will listen.

"You're correct. Lizzy was not to die," Castiel repeats. "This change in fate has really taken its toll on how Earth's plan was supposed to play out. I am… uneasy."

"Please… Cass, please. I need her back. You have to fix it," Dean pleads, his green eyes watering over as he looks to his friend for help.

"I believe I have no choice," Castiel tells the truth. When he went into this plan he didn't think it would change things so drastically. He knew Lou could be alive and it might be worth it for that reason alone… but with Lizzy's importance in Heaven's plan he never saw this coming. He just assumed she'd be there, still pregnant and still playing her part. Now he sees he has to change things back.

Dean stares at Cass with shock for a second. "You're gonna set it right?"

"Yes," Castiel solemnly answers. "I dread doing so for the effect it will have on Sam… but everything must be returned to the way it should be. Elizabeth should be alive."

Dean exhales hard, the thankful emotions surging forward and bowling him over. The single tear falls from his eye and he looks at Castiel with absolute relief.

"I'm gonna get her back," Dean says, trying to believe it. "You're getting L back for me. Fuck, I missed her."

"You were never to be without her," Castiel assures. "This is a mistake that cannot stand. But if I turn things back…"

"Lou," Dean makes a hurt face, knowing what Castiel is telling him.

"She cannot remain alive. In our true timeline she passed on," the angel says. "I fear Sam and Lou will not be as ready to, as you say, fix things as you are."

"No, Sammy won't let her go," Dean says, a hand down his face to wipe away the relief.

"I feel it is only fair we discuss this with them before changing anything."

"Yeah," Dean nods. "I'm in."

"You should sober up first," Castiel comments while pressing his fingers to Dean's forehead, returning him to his non-drink self. "Lou and Sam are not the only people that find your drinking worrisome."

"You give me L back and you'll never have to worry about that again."

Castiel doesn't respond as he knows how true it is. "Let's go."

They disappear.

"I want to do this," Lou says with sheer determination once Castiel is done explaining what has happened and how fate needs to be tempted in order to draw her out and set everything right. Sam, sitting across from her at the motel table, immediately grabs her hand as her sacrifice hits him hard. "I want to make everything right." She quickly peers at him with a sorrowful glance.

"You understand that doing this will result in you no longer being alive," Castiel has to check and make certain she understands fully.

"I do," she nods, swallowing hard.

"You don't have to do this," Sam says one last time, knowing he sounds like a broken record.

"But it's what's right," Lou tells him, already dying with how much she's making him go through with this. "And isn't the whole point of our job just that? Doing what's right?"

He can't argue that.

"This has to happen," Lou reiterates. "I know what you all will lose… me, Ellen, Jo… but it's what's right."

Sam nods, knowing it is, but wants so badly for this to all be a bad dream. He wants to wake up next to her, just like every morning, tell her he loves her before getting out of bed, just like every morning, and he wants to have her by his side at every turn, just like she has been for years now.

"Louise, I have to say…" Castiel starts, taking a moment to peer at Dean as he sits quietly on his bed and refuses to talk to anyone in the room. He then takes a good hard look at Lou as she sits there, gripping the one man she loves and will surely disappoint and destroy with her decision. "You're bravery… your conviction… it restores my faith in mankind. Most would not have the ability to look past their own existence to see what is right. I commend your strength and I truly rue having to do this considering what your personal outcome is in all this."

"She's being stupid," Sam says with hate and desolation in his tone.

"Or she's being the best damn friend anyone's ever had," Dean finally speaks up, the one sentence he chooses to release showing all his gratitude and thankfulness at once.

"I was personally going for both," Lou says, her tone just short of light and fun like she's hoped.

Squeezing her hand hard one more time, Lou looks to Sam with the move. His face, God his face…. the destruction on it, the agony… she just wants to take it all away and make him forget about her if it'll make it better.

"So how do we tempt fate exactly?" Lou asks, moving on before she can fall into this pit of despair she can feel coming on.

"We draw her out by making it too easy to kill you for her to resist," Castiel explains.

"Oh, ok… so be careless with my life," Lou sums up lightly despite the heavy feel in the room. "Should be easy. I do that every damn day." Lou looks back and forth between Sam and Dean, the two men that have absolutely occupied her life and made it worthwhile over these particularly terrible four years, and knows she needs time. She's not ready just yet. "I need a moment… or several moments, really."

"A moment?" Castiel asks with confusion.

"Not long. Just…" she looks to Sam and gets choke up for the first time since the angel arrived. How can she let him down like this? She has to, but still…. "I have a lot I have to say. I can't just leave…"

"I understand," Castiel instantly cuts her off. "Please, take what you need. I am aware of both timelines and I can assure you that your importance is nothing to make light of. Do what you must and call on me when you are ready."

The angel flies off and leaves the three humans to their business, feeling plenty awful and guilty about how his half-baked plan has left it all. He never planned for Elizabeth to be gone and Lou to be back. He never wanted this.

When alone, Lou evaluates her two options. Dean and Sam. It doesn't get easier.

"Dean," she says his name first. "Take a walk with me?"

Dean looks up between Sam and Lou a few times, not sure what to do, before giving into the woman that's about to give her life for a good cause.

"That's what you want right now?" he asks with sheer confusion.

"Yes." With solely her blue eyes she pleads with him to give her this.

"Uh, yeah," Dean nods and walks to the door after grabbing his jacket, prepared to give Lou the whole world if that's what she asks of him in order to get the absolute love of his entire life back.

"Good," Lou says, getting up and putting on her own fleece-lined cotton jacket. She walks back to Sam where he still sits despondently at the table and kisses him once sweetly. "I'll be right back. I won't leave you without saying goodbye."

Sam's face wrinkles as he shakes his head no almost violently.

"Stop," she smiles as the tears rim her lids with the sheer look of him. "Please don't do that."

His look back to her asks her how he's not supposed to be upset right now with his expression alone. In response Lou bends down and hugs him tight, leaning into his ear.

"I love you and you know I won't do a damn thing until I get my time with you. Don't you dare be sad, Giant. Not with what I am willing to give up. It's hard enough…" and she pauses and can't speak. Lou swallows her sorrow. "I'll be back after I talk to Dean and we won't change shit until I get my time with you."

Sam just shakes his head no once more, completely unprepared for this massive change about to happen in his life. When he woke up that morning, kissed her and said he loved her, it was like any other day. How is it that he's now facing her disappearance completely from the world right now? Just hours ago he was wrapped up in shitty motel linen next to her and thinking life was just perfect as long as she was there.

"I love you more than Petty," she smirks slightly as she jokes within the difficult situation and kisses him once more on the lips before backing away.

Turning to look at Dean by the doorway she walks to him before the sadness can fully creep in and keep her there. She opens the door swiftly. "Let's go, douche bag."

Dean glances once at Sam with complete pity before following her and closing the door behind her.

Sam will always deny that once the door was shut that he dissolved into a fit of sorrow to rival the worst soap actor there is... but he did.

"Before I agree to do this I need a lot of promises from you," Lou begins their conversation ten full minutes of silence into their walk.

Dean just keeps up pace with her, unsure of her head space. "Ok…"

"When Lizzy died you were a massive dick," Lou puts it right out there in the open. No sugar coating, not denying his faults.

"And I've regretted it every day since," Dean very quickly responds and completely means it. "I never thought… Lou, I would never have let her out of my life if…"

"Shut up," she says to him with zero pretense and no apologies. "Dean, the day she died and I had to call and tell you… that was the worst day of my entire life. Until now, obviously. The reaction you had…." She pauses and looks ahead down the random street they're waking down. "I had always had such intense… hate for you… for dropping her like that. But when you showed up for her funeral… Dean, I underestimated you."

Dean looks over to her as they walk, shocked to hear her say such a thing.

"I thought you were playing her," Lou admits. "We'd heard so much shit about you and how you just scammed on chicks non-stop that I freaked. You know how over protective I am…"

"You had every right to be worried about us… or just me," Dean admits, looking at her as he shoves his hands in his pockets through the conversation.

"But I was still wrong," Lou tell him. "My mom always told me not to judge a book by its cover but that's exactly what I did. We heard rumors and I went with them. Lizzy told me how wonderful she thought you were, how I just didn't know you and had to give you a chance… I wish it wasn't her death that made me see it."

Dean peers at her with huge surprise.

"She was right all along," Lou admits something she's been stubbornly quiet about for so long. "I hated you for what you did to her. She was miserable when you stopped calling and left her. But when I found out why and how badly it affected you… I respected your decision."

Dean huffs quietly into the winter air with shock to hear the stubborn, tough, and ballsy woman admit to such things.

"You didn't want her to be even more hurt when your ass went to hell," Lou spells it out. "It was the right move. Thank you for trying to spare her that pain."

Dean pulls his flask out of his back pocket. He unscrews the cap and says, "That's the last damn thing I'd ever thought you'd say to me." He takes a big swig.

"When your life is on the line it's funny how the brand new perspective can change you," Lou bites back and steals the flask after his large sip. She takes her own.

Dean takes another big sip when it's passed back.

"I'm gonna do this Dean, I really am…" Lou starts. "But not without knowing it'll be worth it."

When he looks at her with surprise, Lou dives in.

"Treat her right," Lou says in a nearly pleading tone. "Lizzy deserves a beautiful, wonderful life that's happy and all she could ask for."

Lou stops walking and Dean follows suit. She grabs his arm and faces him, looking at him hard.

"I mean it," Lou begs, her eyes actually welling up, something he can't remember last seeing from her. "You promise me now that doing this, giving up everything I have, will be worth it. You be good to her, you love her like Lizzy deserves to be loved. You stop drinking and screwing around and being a mess immediately. Clean it up. Dean, you have be there for her and your son. Just… tell me you swear you'll be the best husband and the best fucking dad you can be."

By the time she finishes the sentence her tears are all the way down her face with desperation.

"You know I will," Dean tells her. "All I've ever wanted was L back."

"I know. So you can't screw it up. You can't give up and disappear again and make my sacrifice worthless."

"Lou, leaving her… that was the biggest mistake of my life. I've learned," Dean promises as he looks her hard in the eye. "I would never, never let Lizzy down… and especially not our son. God… I... our son…" He stops there, unable to finish the statement.

"And you need to promise that your son will know of me," Lou asks, her voice elevating and eyes spilling over with the thought. "I'm never going to meet him, Dean. That's… so hard…." And Lou covers her face with her hands, truly losing it for the first time ever in front of Dean. She holds her emotions better than most but this is too much. "I want to know him. I want to be there for that, be a part of his life."

"Don't worry about that," Dean tells her with certainty. "If I know L the way I think I do she'd never let that happen. He'll know exactly who you are."

Lou nods her head sharply, letting his arm go to wipe at her eyes. She takes an unsteady deep breath before blowing it out hard, trying to contain her sorrow.

"And you have to get out," Lou tacks on her last needed request. "There's no compromising on this one. Dean, you take Lizzy and your son and you run. You find somewhere safe that demons and angels and all the other fucked up shit out there can't find you. You never hunt another thing ever again. Ever. Your son will never shoot a gun, never kill anything, and never know about this world."

Dean looks down at the pavement under his boots and huffs a laugh. "You know, this may be the first time we completely agree on something… ever."

"You'd leave it all behind? For them?" Lou has to make sure.

"I would do anything and everything for my family, you know that."

"I do," Lou nods, having always respected the hell out of this aspect of Dean's personality.

"Then you know this shouldn't be a worry for you," he continues. "This life was never meant for Lizzy, not in the long run. She was a hell of a hunter but she always wanted more. She told me once…" The corner of Dean's mouth twitches as he recalls a better time with her. "That she planned to get out one day, live normal. She asked if I had ever wanted out and I told her of course but… there was never an out for me. I swear she looked disappointed, like I had just shit on her hopes." Hands on his hips while looking around him, he fidgets with heavy conversation. "It felt like she was asking me if I'd ever leave with her."

"But you just said you have no way out…"

"Things have changed. I'll find one if that's what it takes," he says to her with sheer determination. "I should've said I would leave with her back then. I should have done it that day… maybe she'd be alive…"

"And so many others wouldn't be," Lou points out. "Don't regret that decision. Just change it starting now. If Cass can put it all back then run away. Go deep, change your names, do whatever it takes. Keep her safe, keep them safe."

"I promise I'll do my best."

Lou smiles through her fresh wave of tears and moves in to do something she's not really sure she's ever done before with sincerity. She hugs Dean.

It throws him off completely. Lou is not this person. She's not touchy feely and huggy at all. She'd rather gargle glass than be like this, especially after Lizzy died. But he goes with it. As much as they fight and are at each other's throats more often than not, he loves her. He does. She's been nothing but wonderful to his brother through the years, forgiving him on several an occasion when even Dean himself couldn't. She'd been on her own for a year without Sam and made it, only to have to deal with a soulless him when he came back. Lou is a stronger person than most ever could be and he's going to miss her. A lot.

"Take care of Sam," Lou cries much harder at this request.

"I always do," Dean tells her.

"This is so unfair to him," she says, her voice elevated and so heartbreakingly sad. "He has so little as it is. I don't want to leave him like this."

And there it is. He's focused so hard on the idea of getting Lizzy back that he's completely neglected to really look at what this is. Sam's going to lose Lou. He's going to lose the one thing that makes him happy and makes his life good in any way. Dean might as well shove his brother back into the pit with how horrible this will be to him. He loves this girl so much… what it will do to him to lose another woman like this… Dean doesn't want to think about it.

"Don't let him go down that scary path again," Lou asks, looking up at Dean without letting him go. "After Jessica he was a mess. It was so bad. Help him. Don't just let him slog through alone and you ignore it and hope it goes away. It won't. Talk this time. I know you hate doing that, and I know it'll be like pulling teeth to get him to do it, but it's for Sam. Just suck it up and do it."

"Guess that's the least I can do for you," Dean comments while his mind starts planning. He doesn't want this for Sam, not at all, and so he comes up with a way to make it better for him. He needs to talk to Cass.

"The very least," she confirms and backs away from him. She crosses her arms over her chest and bites her lip while trying to get control over her emotions. She hates this. She's feels naked in front of Dean and that's not a comfortable place for her to be.

"I'll help him," Dean promises. "Lou, you know I will. Don't worry about Sammy."

She nods and sighs. "I don't hate you, Dean. I don't. I did for a while but… you're a good person. We may not always get along well and we fight every fucking day but that's just… you're like the big brother I never fucking wanted to ever have."

"Shit, I could almost swear you were trying to give me a compliment there," Dean comments with the shocking words that come out of her usually biting mouth.

Lou smiles before dropping her expression back to a sad one. "I know you'll be good to her. I know you're always gonna do your best. She'll be lucky to have you in her life. You're good for her. She loves you so, so much and I…." She pauses when the words die on her tongue. Why is it so hard to tell him he's become so important to her? "I just… you're…."

"Me too," Dean keeps it simple for her. He knows what she's trying to tell him and, being a very closed off person himself, he saves her the struggle. She loves him, he's her family, and he feels the exact same way right back. She doesn't need to say it for him to know it.

They stand there for a moment, letting their new reality settle in along with what they have to do to get things back the way they're supposed to be.

"Well that sucked," Lou comments, wiping her eyes one last time.

"Yeah it did," Dean agrees completely.

"Going back to Sam's gonna suck way more."

"Take all the time you guys need," Dean tells her, not wanting to rush them. Their relationship is just so good and they've fought for it every step of the way… and now it's just going to disappear. All that work for nothing. "Lou, uh… thank you… for this…"

"Stop," she points at him with a face of sheer warning. "I need to keep my shit together for Sam."

Dean just nods and follows Lou back towards the motel when she starts walking. As much as he needs to thank her he'll keep it in if that's what she wants right now. For what she's doing for him he'll do whatever she wants.

He'll certainly never forget this immense and completely selfless sacrifice Lou's about to make just to give her best friend the life she deserved… and him the life he thought he'd never have again.

Walking into the motel room where she left Sam, Lou closes the door quietly behind her. She then stands with her back to the door while looking at him. He's sitting at the end of their bed, elbows on his knees as they bounce a mile a minute, and his head in his hands.

"Hi," she greets with a voice that barely comes out.

Sam sits up and looks at her, his state not at all changed from when she left him a short time ago to talk to Dean.

Neither say anything. They can't really figure out quite what to say in the situation. It's too awful, too surreal and far too devastating. No one should have to go through this.

So instead of speak Sam stands up silently. In a few quick, long strides he's reached her. Immediately he grabs her, pulling her in with a true lack of grace but that doesn't matter to either of them.

Lou instantly has her arms around his neck. She climbs up onto him, wrapping her body around him as best she can manage, wanting to press as much of him against her as she can. Her hands grasp at him desperately, needing every ounce of his love for her as she accepts her true fate for what it is. If this is one of the last things she gets in life, being with Sam, then she can come to terms with it all.

Shoving his sorrow as deep down as he can, Sam presses a hand to the back of her head and kisses her. He moves frantically, feeling the clock ticking away and knowing how precious every second with her has become. He can't fathom a life without her at this point, can't picture hunting and living when Lou isn't there with him. He got comfortable and really took her presence for granted. He wishes now that he'd appreciated it more when it was there.

Lou takes her jacket off, shoving it down her arms hastily while suspended off the floor in his strong arms, wanting nothing to come between them in this moment. Once it's gone she moves in fast, pressing lips to his again, nearly devouring the man she's about to crush with her decision to set things right. In the moment this is the only thing that truly feels right but such thoughts have to be tossed out. It's dangerous to think that way when she knows what she has to do.

"I love you, Lou," Sam speaks his first words to her since she walked in that motel door. He couldn't hold it back. Sure, he knew he could end up a mess of sobbing misery by simply saying that one phrase but he risks it anyways. He needs her to know. "So much," he says between kissing her. "I love you so damn much."

"I know, honey," Lou tells him, looking him in the eye and making sure he knows that she understand how he feels. "I know you do." She bites her bottom lip to keep her sorrow back. "And believe me when I say I love you too. Sam, I do love you…" When words fail to truly express how she feels she gives up.

Lou kisses him again and she does it with truth. She adores her Giant, honestly and totally, and can't do it all justice what he means to her. Sam got her through Lizzy's death, got into her head, and really became that thing she's been missing in her life when her parents died. They've been through just so much together and in the end they've become so strong and so close because of it all.

And this is all about to go away.

"Sam," she says to him, kissing him slowly before finishing her request. "Love me. Please."

He stares at her bright, beautiful blue eyes and knows as much as it might kill him to do so he would never let her down. Anything she asks of him he'll give it to her right now.

"I want it to be the last thing I do," she tells him, making her eyes water over a bit.

No words at all. There aren't word for it. This is it. This is the goodbye speech, the swan song of their relationship, and the thought makes Sam want to die right with her. The weight of it makes his knees buckle a little. He quickly walks to their bed and takes a seat on the end while never letting her go. He hangs his head as Lou sits in his lap, unable to look at her anymore.

And Lou sees this pain in him, sees him falling apart from the inside out, she can't change it. Fate has to be set right. No one, not even an angel of Heaven, has the right to fuck with the world like this. It's just so wrong and Lou could never live her life knowing she wasn't supposed to do so. She could never live with the knowledge that Lizzy should be here.

She feels as if nothing can comfort him right now. As Sam presses his hands to his face, covering it from her, Lou reaches for her shirt. She pulls it off, tossing it away to grasp his hands. She removes them gently from his face and places them on the bare skin of her now exposed sides.

With the feel of her warm body Sam gets the strength he needs just to look up at her. They lock eyes and Lou smiles something soft and small at him.

"I don't want leave on all this sadness," she tells him, her hands combing through his hair with absolute care. "I had a good life, Sam. I helped people, a shit-ton of people. I always had family with me, blood or not… even when mine died. And I always had you. If nothing else… I found my way to you. That's nothing to cry about in my book."

Sam sniffles in once while nodding, pressing his pain down deep so that he can enjoy his time with her. She wants love, that's all, and for him that's the easiest thing in the world to give her. He owes her that much for her sacrifice.

"Giant," she says, her fingertips brushing along his jawline as she studies his face, the one she's looked upon nearly every day for years now. He's just so heartbreakingly beautiful, his looks matching his heart in every way, and knowing that no matter where she is after this… Heaven, Hell, or who the fuck knows… she'll never forget his face and all the love he always has all over it when with her. "You are the only thing that could make me regret doing this."

"Great, so I'm the only reason this sucks so much…"

"Not what I'm saying," Lou stops him. "I'm saying how fucking lucky am I that I have a reason this sucks so much. You saved me, Sam. Lizzy's death should have killed me but it didn't because… you pulled me out of that place I went to. You reminded me that I had reason to go on. You've been my very best friend, the one person I could always rely on…"

"You're forgetting everything I've done to disappoint you," Sam points out, really fully hating his past actions now. If he knew their time together would be so short he would never have risked all he did by not listening to her in the past. "I ignored you and Dean both and let out Lucifer. I didn't listen to you and I listened to some black-eyed bitch instead…"

"And you did it with a pretty pure heart," she reminds. "What is it I always tell you?"

Sam grabs her hand, the one with the ring her mother gave her on it with the very inscription he's about to repeat, and closes his eyes. "Always do what you believe is right."

"You thought you were right," Lou points out. "You did everything because you were trying to do what's right. I forgave you a long time ago for that shit…."

"You mean after you kicked my ass?"

Lou smiles with the jest. "Yeah, I worked you over pretty good, didn't I?"

"You went Lizzy on me," he says, remembering how much anger the other woman used to have and how easily she could flip a switch and start throwing punches. "And you didn't even warn me."

"You deserved it." Lou still believes he did and she'd beat him down all over again if she had the chance to redo it. He had a black eye, a split and swollen lip, an open gash on his forehead, and a smile on his face when she was done. She dealt with her anger quickly on that one and immediately after she finished he knew they'd be on the path of mending and getting their relationship back.

"I know."

"But after that I forgave you," Lou reminds him. "I let go of it all."

"But then I left you…"

"Just like I'm about to do to you," Lou points out. "You gave your life to save the world. I'm just following your lead."

Touché, he thinks to himself.

"So it's my turn to save everyone," Lou tells him. "You gonna stop me?"

"I want to," Sam whispers out, his face wrinkling painfully.

"But you won't."

"No," he shakes his head.

"And when you told me you were gonna take on Lucifer and I would never see you again… I didn't stop you." She presses her lips to his in a sweet kiss. "I just made sure that you had nothing but good memories to leave with and hang onto."

Sam nods, remembering that clearly. She said her peace, said she hated the idea and it killed her to know where he'd be for all eternity, but she let him go. She trusted him implicitly with this heavy decision and he now must return that favor.

"So give me the goodbye I want," Lou voice wavers for the first time since she walked into the room. "Give me my Sam, my Giant, so I can go with a smile on my face and with a whole lot of goodness and love in my heart. Just love me, Sam. Please." She smiles but despite the grin a lone tear makes its way down her cheek. She hates that she's crying. "Shit…"

When she tries to hide her face Sam grabs her, cupping her jaw in his hands and making her look at him instead. Using the pad of his thumb he wipes the trail away for her before kissing her cheek where her sorrow just was.

"You still try to hide from me when you get sad," he comments. "Why do you do that?"

She shrugs and looks away. "I feel… weak. When I cry. Don't like it."

"You're not weak because you cry, Lou," Sam says to her. "You're human. You're real and… you're beautiful."

"Don't, Sam…" Lou rolls her eyes at the comment.

"You are," Sam smiles a little to her, just a little. It's all he can muster. "You always are. You're always…" He pauses and clears his throat to try and continue. "I can't do this. Lou, don't ask me to let you go like this. I can't let you go…"

Lou can't listen to that doubt and that desperation any more. She needs love and she needs this last hurrah into what makes her life worth living before she ends it all. So to stop him she presses her lips to his, her arms around his neck again. No more doubt and fear. She needs comfort instead.

And understanding her actions completely Sam falls right into it all. He pulls her close, his hands moving fast and memorizing every inch of her he can touch.

They both snap back into that urgent place, needing each other more than they ever have before and needing to not waste any of what little they have left.

Lou opens every button on Sam's shirt in record time before pushing the fabric down his shoulders and arms, the same blue and green striped shirt she's seen him wear a million times. She's suddenly regretting telling him how ugly it is so many times. He has a different sense of style, she's come to accept it, but how much time did she waste with him complaining about insignificant things like clothes?

When Lou's head ducks down and her lips land on his neck Sam squeezes his eyes shut. Don't cry. Don't do that to her. She wants one thing before sacrificing herself for the betterment of so many others, for setting things right. He won't ruin that.

His arms around her tight, Sam gets up just a bit and turns them over. He places Lou on her back, he hair fanning out on the ugly orange patterned comforter under her as her bright blue eyes look up at him with nothing but true adoration.

He leans down to kiss her again, cataloging every bit of her he can as he does. Her smell, like those small bell-shaped white flowers he found as a child, so free, innocent, and bright. Her feel, her skin the softest thing he can remember despite the hard and trained muscles underneath it. Her sound, that of honesty and enjoyment when he'd touch her. Her voice almost sounded honey coated when he'd really get her going, that is before he got her moaning so loud she'd wake the neighbors down the street. Her taste, that of something sweet and perfect, like the strawberries he remembers Jessica getting from a farmer's market in California. And her look…

She's beautiful. As he leans away to reach for her jeans he looks her over. Every line and contour of her small body is what every woman was jealous of. She's athletic and tight, her skin always a warm tanned color even in winter and she has just enough curves to make his mouth water. Her legs were long on her short height, her hips were slim but certainly still there, and her petite size just so wonderful to him. He joked that he wanted to keep her in his back pocket once. He wasn't really joking though.

Once her pants are gone, leaving her in just her bra and panties, he pauses. She's nearly naked but this time he studies her face. Big, pouty lips try their best to smile at him but just can't seem to make it happen with the heavy weight on her. Her beautiful, long and bright blonde hair frames a face with high cheekbones and the deepest and most gorgeous blue eyes he's ever had the chance to look upon.

For four years he's been the luckiest bastard on the Earth. He's sure of it.

"Come here," she asks of him, reaching her arms out to him and inviting him down to her. He listens, of course, resolving to give her everything she wants right now.

When he crawls back over her, stopping when their faces are just inches apart, he sees her bottom lip pout just slightly when her sadness overwhelms.

He kisses her protruding bottom lip once before backing away again. "It's ok," he says for simply her benefit. Nothing is in fact ok. "As long I never forget you, you'll always be with me, right?"

She nods with this one, unable to get words out, and her eyes glaze over with tears once more.

"Close your eyes," Sam asks of her. She listens, the tears leaking out the corners of her lids as she does, and he sighs quietly. He didn't want her to see him cry too and he knows that the longer she keeps looking at him like she was, with sorrow and pain, the worse it would be for her. That and he needs her to relax and get into a better frame of mind if they were going to do this. "Remember that time when we went off to Big Sur just the two of us?"

Lou swallows hard and nods again, eyes still shut tight. "We ditched Dean and just… left."

"He was being an ass anyways," Sam huffs a light laugh as he moves in close, kissing her neck once. "Remember we found that beach cabin for cheap because it was off season and stayed there for a weekend, just the two of us?" His mouth lands on her collarbone.

"And when we got there we realized there were no diners or restaurants… and we had to cook everything."

"And neither of us can cook," Sam huffs out again, recalling the trouble they were in as he trails lovingly down her body, his mouth leading the way for his hands to follow close behind.

"We drove to the nearest grocery store to stock up," Lou laughs quietly with the fond memory.

"And we lived on grilled cheese and cereal for the entire weekend." Sam's fingertips slide down her sides and hold gently to her hips. "Except for the one dinner you made me."

"It's the only dinner I know how to make," she giggles through the falling tears, loving to think back on the best days they had together. These days were some of the best.

"Your mom's chicken parm is my favorite," he reminds her, his hands running up her back as she arches to give him room. He unhooks the clasp of her bra and begins to take it off. "And when you made my plate you put the chicken on it in the shape of a heart."

"And when I put it on the table in front of you, you…" she pauses as she can feel his tongue trail down her stomach. "You said…" She sighs when she can't get it out without falling into more sobs.

"I told you that you made it feel like I had a home finally."

"Yeah," she nods, a deep breath in and out. "And that was all I had ever wanted for you, Sam."

"I know," he barely is able to get out in return, his hands on her sides as he lays his head on her stomach. "You're home to me. You're all that good shit I missed out on."

"Sam," she sobs out his name and brings her hands to his head, her fingers in his hair as she holds him there.

He knows he's doing a terrible job keeping her from crying now as he knows she can feel the growing puddles of his own sorrow on her skin, but he can't stop himself. "Lou, just… thank you. So much."

Lou just sighs with effort. She doesn't know what to say.

They stay this way for a moment, Sam's cheek pressed to her middle as Lou stares at the ceiling while looking for some composure. They needed to gather themselves.

Taking one of his hands off her skin, Lou brings it up to her. She presses his palm into her cheek, Sam feeling the warmth of her skin and the wetness of her tears and he looks up to her.

She gives him a look, one that lets him know she's ok, and he moves back over her. Lou immediately pulls him down onto her, his larger body covering her completely, making her feel safe. She kisses him while pulling his shirt up and over his head.

"You're a strong person, Sam," Lou tells him once she tosses his clothing away. Her hands runs down the perfect expanse of his from.

"Don't give me too much credit," Sam half jokes her leans down on his elbows over her.

"For all you've been through I'm gonna give you all the credit in the world," she says, her fingers pulling his too long hair out of the way. "You will be ok."

"And if I turn into my brother?" Sam questions her, finally understanding how Dean could spiral so hard with the loss of one person.

"We both know you're better than that," Lou speaks the truth as she sees it, her hands on the button of his pants, working them open.

"I hope I am," Sam wishes, knowing he may not be all that different from Dean when he's put in his shoes.

"You are," Lou answers his worries as she pushes his jeans down his legs. "Because I'm gonna ask you to be."

Sam just looks at her as she stares back, all the while getting rid of the last of her clothing.

"Be better than that. Be better than Dean," Lou tells him, not asks him. She once more brings her hands up to move his hair out of his face as he looks down at her. "Think of how much help he's gonna need. How much help my best friend is gonna need. You can't be a mess like that. You have to be there for them. You have to be a good uncle and spoil that kid. You gotta spoil him for me because I can't."

Lou swallows hard and smiles small through the sorrow.

"Tell me you'll do that?" she asks of him, needing to know that Sam will be a damn good uncle to that little boy she'll never meet. "Tell me he'll be a brat because he has everything he could ever want."

Sam nods. "I will."

The smile she shares turns suddenly genuine.

"Now tell me that you love me and show me that you do."

"God damn it, where is this bitch already?" Lou asks with angry impatience to Dean next to her on their fate-tempting walk about town. "Dog, skaters, juggling flaming knives!? What's a girl gotta do to get killed around here?"

"Couldn't tell you at this point," Dean says back, thinking the same way. This is absurd to begin with but this is taking too much.

"I just wanna die and get this shit over with," Lou grumps out. After leaving Sam and saying her final goodbyes she's in a hurry to end it all. She doesn't want to drag this all out.

And Dean sighs with her comment. His guilt is clobbering him with this. "I'm sorry…"

"Cram it, Dean," Lou fires back when he starts up with whole apology crap again. "I'm awesome, you feel like shit about it, let's just get this done."

"Fair enough," Dean lets her have her way.

"This is ridiculous," Lou keeps right on bitching about the current predicament. She stops in the sidewalk and looks up at him with confusion. "What the hell does she want? Are we supposed to hurl ourselves off a freakin' building or some…"

"Look out!" they both hear a man shout out and when they look up an entire industrial air conditioning unit in tumbling towards them rapidly. Dean and Lou block their heads with their hands on instinct and it's the last thing Dean remembers before waking suddenly in his car.

"Dude, what time is it?" Sam asks him from the passenger side of the Impala. The radio is softly playing 'My Heart Will Go On' as they both come to from a nap they don't remember taking.

"I just had the weirdest freakin' dream," Dean tells his brother, the whole thing clear as day in his mind as if it just happened.

"Why are we asleep in the car?" Sam wonders, looking around in true, total confusion. "Weren't we just about to head out to find that demon?"

Shit, Dean remembers that now. They came out to the car to follow up a lead and then… his car was suddenly a Mustang? And he was cool with that? No fucking way.

"You didn't have some kinda bizarro-world dream just now?" Dean has to check with Sam. It's just too vivid to not ask.

"No…" Sam looks at him funny.

"Like, uh, Balthazar… he didn't un-sink the Titanic?"

"What!?" Sam now asks him with bugged out eyes.

"Yeah, he had a hate on for Billy Zane…. And Celine Dion…"

"Dean, you're losing it, man," Sam huffs out a laugh. "What I'm more worried about is why we both fell asleep before heading out to find a demon. Now that's weird."

"Yeah…" Dean says with a wrinkled brow, not comfortable at all with the situation. He knows what he dreamt.

"Alright, I'm gonna go in and hit the head before we go for good," Sam explains while opening the door of the car. He gets out and heads for the house.

"It wasn't a dream," Dean hears Castiel's voice say from the back seat and when he turns to look sure enough the angel is sitting there in the middle, watching Sam walk through the side door of Bobby's house.

"Wait, what?" Dean asks in a bit of a panic. "You're saying this actually happened? That the, the whole... whatever… that was real?"

"Yes."

"So Balthazar really did all that?"

"Yes, and I insisted he go back in time and correct what he'd done." Castiel looks at Dean. "It was wrong and had some very negative consequences that I was not going to allow to let stand."

"So..." Dean's mind spins with what he's told. "So, you killed... 50,000 people for Lizzy?"

"No, I didn't," Castiel denies. "They were never born. That's far different from being killed, wouldn't you say?"

"Ellen and Jo?" Dean questions. "And Lou?"

And this is where Castiel cannot make eye contact. He looks away. "I'm sorry."

Dean nods, sad to hear the truth. "And Sam…?"

"He doesn't remember… just like you asked me to ensure," Castiel tells him. "I believe this was a very good idea. Lou's loss would weigh on him in ways that no one could heal."

"Thanks for that," Dean says to him with much gratitude. "But why do I remember?"

"Because I wanted you to."

"Why?"

"I wanted you to know who Fate really is. She's cruel and capricious."

"I'd go so far as bitch."

"Well, yeah," Castiel can't deny label as he does in fact agree. He then sighs. "You're the ones who taught me that you can make your own destiny. You and Elizabeth and Sam… you made me see that you don't have to be ruled by fate. You can choose freedom. I still believe that that's something worth fighting for. I just wanted you to understand that."

"So, wait. Did...Balthazar really, uh, unravel the sweater over a chick flick?" Dean wonders aloud, not having thought that the decadent and unruly angel could truly be that selfish and awful.

Thinking quickly, Castiel decides to lie as much as it kills him inside to do so. "Yes. Absolutely. That's what he did."

"Wow," Dean awes with that information. "Well, might be time to take away his cable privileges. Besides, Titanic didn't suck that bad." Castiel gives him a questioning look. "Winslet's rack." Dean winks.

"Dean," Castiel says his name very strongly to get him to take him seriously. Dean shuts up quickly. "I need you to understand."

"Understand what?"

"That I have chosen my own path now," Castiel explains himself now that he has Dean's attention and has proven himself to the human once and for all. "And that path is to see you and Elizabeth through. I no longer wish for the Second Coming to occur, which is something I have been waiting and preparing for my entire existence. I see now how wrong it is to put that responsibility on anyone. And I'm not even sure my own Father wants it anymore. He might have stayed in Heaven if he did. What I do know for certain in this world is that Heaven has failed me in so many ways… yet you never have."

Dean keeps quiet but on the inside he's a bit floored by the honesty.

"Believe me or not, I want your son to be safe," the angel continues. "I want both of you to have the good lives you have earned yourselves and I want you to be a family. Love… it's a concept that used to be so foreign to me and so… unobtainable. It still is to a certain degree but even if I cannot feel it I most certainly can respect it, along with loyalty and family. Elizabeth once told me that she considered me as family… and I hope that is still true."

"I… uh…" Dean starts, words failing him miserably at first. "I know it hasn't been great. I know you've fucked up but I know you're sorry. After what you just did for me… Cass, I trust you, man. I do. And Lizzy may need more time but I know she's coming around again. Just wait it out. She'll be back."

"I hope you are right…"

"I am," Dean confirms very sternly, making sure Castiel believes him.

With one look of thanks Castiel disappears.

Once alone he takes a minute to play out everything that just happened. He lost Lizzy. He knows now what he always suspected too. If she were gone tomorrow he'd never recover. She holds him in one piece, keeps him human and sane and alive. She's everything he has and without her he is a complete and total loss.

And his son is still here. His whole reason to keep going, to keep making this world better, is still on his way. To think of how much he already loves that little guy… it scares him almost. Fatherhood is going to be terrifying in ways he has yet to experience but he couldn't care about that. He's excited and he's ready to give the entire world to his son without second thought because that little boy deserves so much more than he and Sam ever got and a lot more than his mother's had for years now.

He really owes Castiel for this one, big time.

Dean doesn't even let himself think about Lou right now, however. That part, losing her and losing the one thing Sam's ever had… he can't even let himself go to that place. He has to let it be so that he doesn't hurt so much with the loss that he can't get everything done they must to make the world safe for his coming family. Now is truly the time to focus.

After some time without Sam returning Dean heads into the house. He walks silently through the bottom floor until he makes it to the study. There in the cot against the wall is Bobby, lying on his back passed out, most certainly drunk. Lizzy is hovering over him, spreading out a blanket over his form as he sleeps. She moves carefully, not to wake him, and once she has him covered she leans down and kisses his forehead.

"I'm sorry, Bobby," she whispers, thinking she's alone. Rufus' death is eating him away from the inside and she knows that feeling. Her sympathy is huge and she wishes she could take it all away from him. He's had enough sorrow for several lifetimes as it is. He didn't need to lose his figurative brother and mentor too.

When Lizzy straightens up and turns around to leave she stops short when she sees Dean in the doorway, looking at her with an expression she wasn't expecting. He looks open maybe, sad yet happy to see her.

"Hey," she whispers with confusion as she walks over to him. "I thought you guys left…"

He cuts her off when he meets her halfway, grabs her face in his hands, and kisses her hard. She's there and that's all that matters. She's still there, she never died. He never turned into a spiraling mess because she's never left him. His life is how it should be because she is his life.

When he separates his lips from hers only for a quick second, he looks in her eyes and tells her, "I love you." He then moves in and kisses her again, the embrace meaningful and filled with the love he just confessed to her.

With her hands on his sides Lizzy takes the moment in. It's rare for Dean to be that wide open and seriously meaningful out of nowhere. She loves when he can make himself so vulnerable to her these days as she always lets herself be completely defenseless around him. It's harder for him, having been shown all his life that emotions make you weak and a hunter never shows weakness, but he's changing these days. Honestly, she's loving the change.

"I love you so much, Hot Shot," she smiles back.

Dean just smiles warmly back, nodding once when she returns the sentiment. "I'll never forgot how lucky I am to have you. Never again."

"Hey, you good?" Sam asks suddenly from the side door.

Dean doesn't look away from Lizzy. "Yeah, I'm good," he answers before kissing her one last time. "We'll be back late tonight."

"Can't wait," she grins, one more peck on his lips and he walks out the side door.

Whatever just got into him, she really likes it.

THE END