Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight
Chapter 25- Tiny Heart
Tiny heart, stuck inside yourself
When will you open up for me?
Tiny heart, you're not by yourself
When will you recognize the beat?
Of my own heart, grieving in your hand
If you choose me, I'm waiting for you
Always waiting
Tiny heart, stuck inside yourself
When will you open up?
Tiny Heart- Flyleaf
Bella POV
To say that walking back into the house and facing Rose and Emmett was "awkward" would be an understatement.
Once Edward and I came indoors and stomped the snow off our shoes, we faced our siblings. Both were in the living room, Rosalie putting coats away in the closet just inside the front door, and Emmett poking at a new fire in the fireplace.
Rose held out her hand for our coats and we handed them to her, all whilst we watched Emmett work at the fire. He hadn't looked up at all, and I glanced at Edward to see that he stood there with a content expression. Apparently he wasn't as nervous as I was about Emmett's reaction to us being "official".
Finally, Emmett stood up and looked at us, his face still impassive. My eyes, however, were on the metal fireplace poker in his hand.
To me it looked like a weapon.
"Why am I being stared at by three people?" Emmett asked with a raised brow. He didn't let go of the poker and it made me nervous.
"You're just so handsome," Rosalie said, clearly trying to break the tension and awkwardness.
It didn't work. Emmett's face was as blank as ever, his eyes moving from Rose to me to Edward. His eyes hardened when they landed on Edward, who was just staring back with the ghost of a smile on his lips
I was slowly beginning to panic, and before I could really start to freak out, I blurted, "Will you just get it over with?"
Emmett looked at me and furrowed his brows with confusion. "Get what over with?"
"Just say what you need to," I mumbled. "About me and. . ." I trailed off and looked up at Edward who smiled at me. My breath caught in my throat and I momentarily forgot where we were. My anxiety also decreased a little, and all he had to do was pull up the corners of his mouth. His mouth . . . his soft, pink, luscious lips. . . My lips tingled just thinking about it.
"I'm not surprised," Emmett said seriously, pulling me from my thoughts. "I honestly don't have much to say to either of you, except that I wish it wasn't so soon." He gave me a pointed look. "Are you sure you're ready for another relationship?"
I nodded fervently.
"I need him," I whispered.
Emmett didn't argue with that; he knew how true it was. I needed Edward like I needed air and food and water and shelter. He was something I needed to survive; without him I'd shrivel up into a heap of nothing.
Without warning, Emmett raised the poker so that its pointier side was inches away from Edward's face. He held it almost like a sword.
Edward didn't even flinch.
"I don't care whose brother you are," Emmett said dangerously, his eyes on Edward. "I will hurt you if you do anything to upset her. Just because I was unsuccessful in. . . . " He quickly glanced at me ". . . kicking The Other One's ass, doesn't mean it'll be the same with you. I know you won't intentionally hurt her and I know you love her, but all that matters to me is that she stays happy. At all times. I trust you, though, and that's saying something. I will always owe you for how you helped her these past few months, and I will forever be in your debt. You don't know how grateful I am. But if you do something that makes me do to you what you did to The Other One, then so be it. Don't screw this up. Am I clear?"
Edward's expression was still completely neutral as he nodded. "Clear as crystal," he said.
Emmett sighed and lowered the poker, putting it back into the rack that held the fireplace tools.
"Okay," he said, finally smiling. "I'm done with my threats." I let out a relieved sigh. "I know you two care about each other; I can see that. You have my 'blessing' and shit."
Rosalie snorted and shook her head.
"What?" Emmett said, looking at her like he was offended.
"Oh it's nothing," she replied coyly. "I don't believe using the fireplace poker was necessary, though."
They continued to banter aimlessly back and forth, but I was unmindful. Edward had weaved his fingers through mine and was now pulling me onto the couch. It was as easy as breathing to just put my head on his shoulder and wrap my arms around him. He felt so solid, and his steady heartbeat was like a lullaby, lulling me into peacefulness.
I closed my eyes, perfectly at ease.
I awoke with a start, not knowing where I was. The living room was completely silent and I felt confused until I felt Edward's lips press to my forehead.
I lifted my head and stared at his face, trying to blink away the sleepiness. He smiled at me and, despite the disorientation; I wanted to kiss him again. His lips looked so welcoming, his eyes burning with love.
"How long was I out?" I asked, my voice thick with sleep. I sat up straighter, my back a little stiff from napping on his chest. My fingers were still entwined in his and the skin of our palms were stuck together like he hadn't let go the entire time.
Edward shrugged. "Not sure. Maybe an hour or so? My mobile ran out of battery and the power's still out so we have no idea what time it is."
"You've been sitting here for an hour? Didn't you get bored?"
Edward shook his head. "Not at all."
I stared into his eyes, the love in them unwavering, and I felt my heart swell. No one had ever looked at me that way. The feeling was indescribable. There were not enough words in the universe to describe how good it felt to know that I was loved. This was what I always wanted, and now I had it.
At the same time, it felt too good to be true.
Would it last?
I pushed the negative thoughts aside and decided to focus on here and now.
"Where'd Emmett and Rose go?" I asked, realizing for the first time that the room was empty. The blankets and pillows were cleared from the floor, and the place looked tidier.
"Upstairs," Edward replied. "They cleaned up a bit and then went up to put all the slumber party shit away. Haven't seen 'em since. Probably in the bedroom or something, shagging."
He said the last statement with a grimace.
"Can I kiss you?" I blurted, as if he hadn't just been talking. I didn't know where it came from, but the urge had grown stronger the longer my face remained inches away from his.
Edward cocked on eyebrow, looking perplexed.
"Why the fuck are you asking?" he questioned incredulously.
I felt my cheeks heat up and looked down at his chest, but he put a finger under my chin and forced my head up.
He had the most beautiful crooked grin on his chiseled face as he said, "Anytime, anywhere. You don't ever have to ask."
I bit my lip before I kneeled next to him on the couch and took his face in my hands. His eyes continued to smolder as I gently rubbed my hands along the side of his face. His cheeks were a little rough from stubble, and feeling the roughness under my hands was something of a turn on.
"That feels good," he mumbled, closing his eyes.
Him having his eyes closed made me feel a little more confident as I leaned in and softly pressed my lips to his.
The effect was immediate. It was an intense heat, traveling from my mouth all the way down my body until it felt so insanely good that I couldn't think straight.
It had never, ever, ever been this intense with Jacob, not even when I had been hormonal.
This was a thousand times more intense because it was real.
He didn't waste time in molding his mouth to mine, and before I knew it we were like two animals.
My lips wrapped themselves around his over and over, both of us breathing heavily, neither wanting to let go to take a breather. He had his hand in my hair and my arms were around his neck, clutching him tightly, afraid that he'd disappear.
He was bringing something out of me, something primal. I had this need that I couldn't explain, this need for Edward, for his lips, for his everything. It was months of built up tension, weeks and weeks of desire coming out.
Then his tongue was dancing with mine and I was taken aback by it all.
"You haven't been together for more than two hours and you're already eating each others' faces on the couch?"
Emmett's voice made the both us jump a foot in the air. Edward's hand left my hair and my arms dropped from his neck as I felt my face grow red.
Emmett looked extremely annoyed from where he stood at the foot of the stairs.
"That's twice in one day," Edward said, trying to conceal his irritation. I was confused for a second before I realized that he was talking about the fact that Emmett had seen both of our kisses.
"I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not," Emmett replied curtly.
I could tell by his face that it was hard for him to watch all this happening to me so soon after I went through hell.
I still felt a little lightheaded from the kiss as I watched the silent stare down between my brother and boyfriend.
Boyfriend.
Edward was my boyfriend.
Edward Cullen was my boyfriend.
The thought made me chuckle and both guys looked at me peculiarly.
"What's so funny?" Edward asked.
"That you're my boyfriend," I tittered, and I burst into a fit of giggles.
Edward's brows furrowed and he looked at Emmett for some kind of explanation, but my brother just shrugged.
"Why do you find that hilarious?" Edward asked. "Should I be offended? You know what, I think I am. How dare you find my love for you comical?"
That just made me laugh even harder.
I was just so giddy.
The snow, the kissing, the fact that Edward was mine- it filled me with joy so overwhelming that I couldn't contain it.
"She's delusional," I heard Emmett say.
"Completely mental," Edward commented.
"She looks like she belongs in a straight jacket."
"In an insane asylum."
"With padded walls."
"Look, she's turning red."
"Should we throw cold water on her?"
"I say let's do it."
My laughing fit stopped, my stomach in pain from guffawing so hard, and I gasped for breath.
"Don't you dare," I told them, panting a little. "If you throw cold water on me, I will be forced to use those fireplace tools as weapons of mass destruction."
"You were scaring us," Edward said, smirking. "And we still want to know why you find my being your boyfriend so amusing."
I took a deep breath, still smiling, and rested my head on the headrest of the couch.
"It's just that I never would have imagined it," I said quietly. "A few months ago I would have never thought that we would be together. I mean, I hated you. I used to dream up different versions of your slow and painful death, just to make myself happy."
Edward's eyes widened. "You're kidding. Wow, you're slightly evil."
"Okay, so maybe I'm exaggerating," I added as Emmett plopped himself down in an armchair. "But I just couldn't stand you. I did think you were incredibly handsome, but your personality, at first, just killed it, you know? And to think that now I'm making out with you on the couch- it's hilarious!"
Edward stared at me, undoubtedly turning over my explanation in his head. Emmett seemed to be over the whole my-sister-was-making-out-with-my-girlfriend's-brother-on-my-couch thing, so now he just looked mildly entertained.
"Oh," I cried, suddenly remembering a very important detail. "Remember when you almost hit me with a bat? I never would have imagined, not in a million years, that I'd be with you! I remember it so clearly, the look on your face when you had that bat raised- it was terrifying!"
"Did I ever apologize for that?" Edward asked, eyes apologetic. "If I didn't, I really am sorry. I wouldn't literally have hit you."
"Not even if I actually was really was some 'slimy bloke trying to nick something'?" I was surprised I remembered his exact wording, and so was Edward since he blinked once.
"Not even then," he laughed.
"Yeah, about that," Emmett cut in, looking at Edward curiously. "Why didn't you hear her come in?"
"I was on the balcony, having a fag," Edward replied. "I had the doors closed because Rose would start bitching at me if her apartment started smelling like cigarettes."
"The idea that you almost hit my sister with a baseball bat makes me very uncomfortable," Emmett said.
"The idea that I almost hit your sister with a baseball bat makes me very uncomfortable as well," Edward said.
"The idea that I was almost hit with a baseball bat by my boyfriend makes me very uncomfortable," I added.
Emmett's face suddenly lit up, his eyes brightened.
He scooted to the edge of his chair and looked at me excitedly. "Dude! We should totally teach you self defense!"
"That's actually a brilliant idea," Edward said, grinning.
"I mean, we all know you're a fighter," Em said, looking at me with evident pride. "But it wouldn't hurt to teach you some basics. Simple things that could save your life if you were to, say, end up in a dark alley alone."
"I don't plan on letting that happen," Edward told him with conviction.
"Again, it wouldn't hurt her to know how to do these things. The power's still out and we have nothing else to do, so what do you say, Bells?"
I squirmed. "I don't know. . . "
"Oh c'mon," Edward said, nudging me with his elbow. "It'll be fun."
"What'll be fun?" Rose asked, descending the stairs.
"We're gonna teach Bella how to kick some ass," Emmett told her excitedly. "Wanna join in?"
"Sure," Rose said, laughing. "I'll watch first. And try not to make a mess."
She seated herself on the couch and Edward rose to his feet, holding his hand out to me.
I looked up at him anxiously, noticing for the first time what he was wearing. He was in a black thermal shirt that clung to his body enough to show the definition of his muscles. I was always amazed at how stunning he looked in black; it was a gorgeous contrast with the paleness of his skin, the piercing green of his eyes, and the brilliant bronze of his hair.
Edward cocked an eyebrow and wiggled his fingers.
I sighed and took his hand, allowing him to pull me up.
I knew from experience that Edward and Emmett scheming together wasn't always the greatest thing.
For the next two hours, my boyfriend and my brother were adamant in making sure I knew how to break someone's nose using the heel of my palm, jab someone in the neck, face, or throat with my elbow, and stab someone in the eyes with my fingers. They taught me how to fight off an attacker who had a knife or gun, using a pen as the prop. Of course, I didn't actually get to hurt anyone.
Emmett insisted that Edward be the "bad guy", and I had the sneaking suspicion that he made Edward do it just so he could watch me hit him, even if it wasn't real.
At first I was a little hesitant with pretending to hit Edward. After all, I was anti-violence in every way, and just the thought of me hurting someone made me feel like a horrible person.
But both guys were good at convincing me that these were important survival skills.
What they weren't saying was that if I had known these methods while I was with Jacob, I wouldn't have ended up in the hospital.
That one thought alone was enough to strengthen my resolve.
In the beginning, I was a little meek with my attempts to strike Edward, even if it was pretend.
It was kind of hard to think of him as some thug in a dark alley, especially with the way he was touching me.
Emmett had him "sneak up on me" in several ways, grabbing me around the neck with his arm, pinning me to the wall with a hand covering my mouth, or holding my arms in such a way that made escaping seem impossible.
I just couldn't focus properly, knowing that Edward's hands were on me. My skin heated up with every touch, and I just couldn't bring it in myself to poke, punch, or kick him.
It would have been a thousand times easier if Emmett was the perpetrator.
But Emmett kept pushing me to suck it up and be strong, and I finally knew what it would be like having him as a personal trainer; he was tough. He suddenly became very no-nonsense, not putting up with a single whine from me when a move seemed too hard, or too complicated, or just plain ridiculous. He was encouraging and passionate, and I knew that he wanted nothing more than for me to know how to protect myself if he or Edward weren't there to do it for me.
Rosalie would give her two cents every now and then, sometimes even volunteering to be the criminal. She knew a few tricks of her own, and at one point she demonstrated a vicious looking rib-jab on Emmett; it included a very complicated maneuver in which Emmett goes from pinning Rosalie from behind to being pinned on the floor by her, all in less than five seconds.
For a moment I saw a very fierce side of Rosalie that scared me just a little.
We had been practicing for a little over an hour when Rose disappeared into the kitchen to hunt something down for lunch.
Now it was just Edward, Emmett, and I, standing in the middle of the living room with the coffee table pushed out of the way.
I was totally in the moment, starting to get serious about learning how to fight back. I was becoming good at the simple things, but I could tell by the gleam in Emmett's eyes that he was just getting to the good stuff.
Edward was behind me, with one arm wrapped around my neck while the other was holding both my arms back.
Emmett stood in front of me, an enthusiastic spark in his eyes.
"He's not letting you breathe, Bella," Emmett said fiercely, in full trainer mode. "He's putting pressure on your windpipe and your lungs are fighting for air."
Even though it wasn't really happening, I could feel it. I could feel the fire in my lungs, my entire chest screaming for air.
I knew what it felt like from experience.
"Are you going let him take that from you?" Emmett barked. "Are you?"
"No," I growled.
"Instep, elbow-to-ribs, elbow-to-chin, groin!" Emmett commanded.
Suddenly it wasn't Edward holding me, it was Jacob. A flash of panic went through me before the anger set in and with all the strength I could muster, I stepped on Edward's instep with the heel of my foot, jabbed my elbow into his ribs, hard, slammed my elbow upwards into his face, pushed out of his now loosened grip, whirled around, and with all the strength I had-
I slammed my knee into his groin.
"MOTHERFUCKER!" Edward cried out in pain as he bent over at the waist, grabbing his crotch. He had his teeth clenched tightly and his eyes were watering just a little; it was easy to tell that he was trying not to cry out anymore.
I gasped in horror, my eyes widening as Rosalie ran into the room and Emmett said, "Holy shit, Bella, what did you do?"
Edward was still muttering a string of profanities as he stumbled back onto the couch with one hand holding his face while the other was still wrapped around his groin.
"What happened?" Rose asked, looking at Edward with concern. Her eyes shot to me. "Oh my God, did you actually kick him in the balls?"
"I didn't mean to," I squeaked. My voice sounded like I had inhaled helium.
My heart was hammering and the guilt became overwhelming.
I had hurt him; I had actually physically harmed Edward. He was still bent forward on the couch, groaning, but now his head was in both his hands.
Would he be mad at me? I had heard how much it hurts for a guy to be kicked in the crotch, and Edward's reaction was proof of that.
To see him in pain, knowing that I caused it, was too much for me.
A sob escaped me and I collapsed into an armchair with my hand covering my mouth, my widened eyes still on the pained boy on the couch.
Edward's head shot up to look at me, the pain replaced by worry.
"I'm sorry," I cried, tears escaping. "I lost it for a second, I'm . . ."
I couldn't say anymore, the guilt practically choking me, and Edward was suddenly on his knees in front of me.
His face was still pained, but it was a different kind of pain.
"It's okay," he said, wiping tears away with his thumbs. "I'm all right."
"It's not your fault, Bella," Rose said, stroking my hair.
"Don't worry about it, kiddo," Emmett chimed in. "It hurts like a bitch, but it's insanely useful."
I sniffed and looked at Edward, who was smirking slightly. I could tell by the slight furrow of his brows that he was still feeling physical pain.
How hard did I hit him?
"You're not angry?" I sniffled, watching Edward's face.
Edward raised his brows. "Angry? Bella, I'm so fucking proud of you."
It was my turn to furrow my brows. "Proud? You're proud that I hit you in the . . . thingamajiggy?"
Everyone laughed and my lips surrendered to a small smile.
"That was amazing," Edward said, grinning at me. "No one has ever done something like that to me, and even though my dick is fucking throbbing for all the wrong reasons, I'm so fucking proud of you."
"I'm proud of you, too," Emmett said, smiling down at me. "My baby sister can kick ass, and I couldn't ask for more."
"If you ask me, sometimes Edward needs a kick in the privates," Rosalie said, winking at me.
Edward narrowed his eyes at her and the mood in the room was lightened by a great degree.
Rosalie went back into the kitchen as Emmett said, "I think this is our cue to stop these lessons. We're nowhere near done, though."
He grinned at Edward who rolled his eyes; he knew exactly how much Emmett enjoyed seeing me hurt him.
"I don't think I want to do this anymore," I told them as Edward plopped down in the armchair next to mine.
"You don't have to if you don't want to," Edward said, taking my hand. "But it really is a good idea to learn more."
"What he said," Emmett said. "You can never learn enough self defense."
"Just not today, okay?" I replied. I had had enough violence for one day.
Emmett agreed with a shrug and then went in the kitchen to assist Rosalie, who was talking to herself about how we had nothing in the house that would make a good lunch and how we couldn't go out because we were snowed in.
Edward wove his fingers through mine and kissed my knuckles as I watched him warily.
"I'm fine, really," he mumbled against my skin.
I couldn't help but glance at his crotch, somehow expecting there to be some indication of damage.
Of course, no part of Edward's nether regions was visible to me, but just glancing down there had the muscles below my naval clenching.
Edward caught me looking and I blushed, though he didn't say anything.
He continued to absentmindedly run his lips over our raised and intertwined hands, and after a while I cleared my throat and, just to make sure, asked, "Are you sure you're okay? I mean, how's your. . ."
"Thingamajiggy?" he finished with a smirk.
I blushed harder and nodded.
Edward shrugged. "Feels better. It's throbbing less. I don't think there'll be any permanent damage, but if there is, I'll be sure to let you know."
He winked at me and, as if it were possible, I felt my face grow even hotter.
The room grew warmer in temperature and the fireplace had nothing to do with it.
"Absolutely nothing in this kitchen, nothing!" Rosalie cried with exasperation.
Edward and I had joined our siblings in the kitchen to help find something for lunch. It was true that we were running low on several essentials such as bread and eggs, and we couldn't go and get any because of the snow.
Edward was rummaging through the refrigerator while Emmett and Rose looked in the pantry and I ransacked the cabinets.
"It was Bella's turn to do the grocery shopping," Emmett said accusingly.
"Was not," I protested, pushing aside some boxed cake mixes to see if anything worth eating would magically pop up behind them.
"Hey look, I found chips!" Edward said, pulling something from the back of the freezer.
"In the freezer?" I asked, confused. "What the hell are chips doing in the freezer?"
I saw the blue bag that Edward was holding and noticed that it was a bag of frozen French fries.
Realization dawned on me when I remembered that "chips" was the British word for fries.
"Oh," I said, frowning.
Rosalie took the bag from him. "Oh, I can fry these! Not exactly the healthiest thing, but it's better than nothing at all."
"I was gonna suggest that we just eat Pop-Tarts all day," Emmett suggested, holding up the box.
"I like that idea better," Edward said, grabbing the box from him.
I don't think so," Rose chided, snatching the box from her brother. "We'll have a proper lunch. I wonder if we have enough to make a salad. . ."
She took over Edward's station at the fridge and when she opened the door I noticed the bottle of ranch dressing on an inside shelf.
"Oh," I said, reaching for the bottle. "Ranch dressing!"
"What the fuck is ranch dressing?" Edward asked. "Sounds like another term for dressing like a whore."
"You don't know what ranch dressing is?" I asked, my eyes bugging out. "Why does England deprive you of such delicious products?"
Edward rolled his eyes and came to stand in front of me, taking the bottle and examining it. He twisted the cap off and sniffed.
He grimaced. "Smells sour."
I took the cap out of his hand and scooped some of the dressing onto my finger. "Tastes amazing, though."
I popped my finger into my mouth and sucked off the dressing, sighing with content as the tangy flavor exploded on my tongue. It had been much too long since I had ranch dressing with anything.
I opened my eyes to see Edward staring at me with his mouth slightly open, eyes glued to my finger.
"What?" I mumbled around my finger.
"Uh. . . " Edward trailed off, looking slightly dazed and not meeting my gaze.
"What is it?" I asked again, pulling my finger out and swiping at the cap again.
Just when I was about to put my freshly dipped-in-ranch-dressing finger in my mouth again, Edward caught my wrist.
He cocked an eyebrow. "Mind if I see for myself what is so amazing about this 'ranch dressing'?"
His voice was a little husky, and I doubted that it was intentional.
I nodded, my insides tingling.
Edward glanced over his shoulder, still holding onto my wrist, to see that Emmett and Rosalie were oblivious to us. Rose was busy at the stove, getting ready to fry the fries. Emmett was still in the pantry, probably reorganizing the disorder that he had created whilst trying to find lunch.
Without another moment's hesitation, Edward took my finger in his mouth, sucking off the dressing with his eyes on mine.
He sucked slowly, even after I knew the dressing was gone. His tongue played around with my fingertip and I had to restrain a shudder. His teeth pressed down gently as his tongue sucked away.
The dressing was gone, so what the heck was he tasting?
I felt warmth spread inside my body, so I tugged my finger a little, letting him know that I wanted it back. He slowly pulled it out and then smirked at me.
"Fucking amazing," he muttered.
I rolled my eyes and shook my head, going to the sink to wash his saliva off.
Things were getting . . . sexual.
And I wasn't sure I was ready for that.
I mean, we had kissed that same day. Still, the innuendos were everywhere, but they didn't bother me in the slightest.
Edward and I helped make the salad while Rose fried the "chips" and Emmett went to see if the snow had stopped so he could shovel whatever needed re-shoveling.
Edward didn't know anything about cooking, not even something as simple as throwing together a salad. The only reason he was even helping was just so that he could be near me.
He tried to chop up some carrots but he was holding the knife at an odd angle and the pieces he was chopping were all uneven and just plain funny looking.
I gently took the knife from him after he messily slaughtered a tomato.
"Don't worry about cutting anything else," I told him patiently. "I'll be the cutter and you can be the tosser."
Edward laughed loudly, throwing his head back.
I stared at him. "What's so funny?"
"I don't want to be a tosser," he chuckled, his eyes sparkling with some hidden joke. "Of course, if you keep looking the way you do, it'll become inevitable."
"Edward!" Rosalie admonished. She gave him a disapproving look. "Don't be inappropriate."
"Okay, confused American in the room," I said. "What is so inappropriate?"
"It's nothing," Rosalie said.
"I want to know," I insisted, looking at Edward.
"Are you sure?" he asked, grinning crookedly.
"Edward, don't!" Rosalie said.
Edward glared at her defiantly. "I'm going to give her what she wants, always. And if she wants to know what's so funny about her telling me I'm a tosser, then I'll tell her."
"Wait, 'tosser' means something else?" I asked. "Seriously, where do you guys come up with these terms?
"It means the same thing as 'wanker'," Edward said, watching my expression carefully.
My mouth popped open into a tiny O of realization.
Edward grinned and I heard Rosalie sigh from behind me.
"You really need to improve your vocabulary, Edward," she mumbled.
"No, I think Bella just needs to improve her slang," Edward replied.
My mind was still lost in thoughts of dirty English slang words as I absentmindedly chopped a tomato the right way.
Once I was done, I threw the handful of chopped tomato pieces into the salad bowl.
I turned to Edward, both my brows raised. "Ready to be a tosser?"
He smiled devilishly. "Not if I can help it."
"Please, you two," Rose said, sounding disgusted as she scooped fries out of the oil and onto a paper towel covered plate. "You're making me nauseous."
Edward pulled the salad bowl towards him and proceeded to toss it awkwardly with two wooden utensils.
His movements were robotic and awkward, both his elbows bent stiffly has he moved his arms up and down in a strange manner. He wasn't really tossing the salad effectively. The ingredients were just being layered on top of each other without being mixed.
I giggled at his sad attempts. "Really, Edward? Can't even toss a salad?"
He sighed exasperatedly and let go of the wooden tossing utensils.
"What can I say?" he said. "This isn't the kind of tossing I'm good at."
He winked at me then and I blushed, turning away to toss the salad the right way.
Soon, the four of us were sitting by the fire again, eating at the coffee table. Emmett had informed us that the snow had stopped falling, but that school probably wouldn't be open until the following Monday, which was four days away. For the moment we all just hoped that the electricity would come back on.
Edward loved the french-fries-and-ranch-dressing combo, and he asked me what other delicacies I was willing to show him. I asked him about several products, and once I found out that he knew what Oreos were, I decided to introduce him to Twinkies when I got the chance.
I was putting the plates in the sink when Emmett walked in with the bottle of ranch dressing. He smiled at me before pulling the fridge open and setting the bottle back on the shelf.
I started washing the dishes when Emmett picked up a towel and came to stand next to me, ready to be the dryer.
He was looking at me in an odd way, almost like he had something to say, or ask, but just wasn't.
"What?" I said, scrubbing at a greasy plate. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
Emmett did that annoying thing where he opens his mouth and then closes it again without uttering a word.
I sighed impatiently. "Come on, Em. Spill."
Emmett shrugged. "I'm just worried about you. I don't want to see you get hurt again, and to watch you move on so fast . . . it scares me."
I stopped scrubbing the plate and looked up at his stressed expression.
"It scares you?" I asked, letting the water run on my stilled hand. "Why?"
"The last two and a half months weren't just hell for you, kiddo. No doubt that it was a lot worse in your shoes, but seeing how that- that- that complete asshole affected you . . . it was my worst nightmare. Now, I know that you and Edward will be different, are different, but I can't stop thinking that you're throwing yourself at him too fast. I can't help freaking out whenever I think about all of that happening again."
"It won't," I tried to be reassuring, but I had my own doubts. "This isn't the same. Like I said before, I need Edward. I can't imagine being without him."
"Exactly. I know how happy he makes you. That's why I worry that if something goes wrong. . . "
If something went wrong between me and Edward, I'd die for sure.
"It'll be fine," I said, my own words feeling like a lie.
"There's no guarantee."
I shook my head, deciding to try a different approach. "Stop worrying so much. Don't dwell on the negative things, just let it be. I'm happy right now, and you giving me thoughts about how long Edward and I will last doesn't help. Knock it off."
I sounded a bit harsh, but I knew that Emmett didn't have to say anything for me to have doubts about my new relationship.
"I'm sorry," he said, sounding sincere. "Really. I just worry about you, and I probably always will."
I turned back to the dishes and handed him the clean plate. "It's okay. I know you worry, but I just wish you didn't."
He kissed the top of my head. "It's because I love you."
I was able to smile at him. "Love you too."
"It is nice seeing you happy, though."
I smiled wider. "It's nice being happy."
He didn't need to reply to that and we finished the rest of the dishes in a content silence.
The electricity came back an hour before sunset.
The sky was fading from a grayish blue into an indigo, and Edward and I took advantage of the remaining light to clean up my room a little. I was making my bed and he was picking up scattered papers from off the floor; when the lights went out, he had knocked over a school folder I had set on my dressing table.
Just when I was finished with the bed, the lights flickered on.
We both stared up at the ceiling with relief.
"Finally!" I said.
I heard Emmett cheering from downstairs, and Edward said, "Sounds like someone is happy they'll be getting to sit in front of the telly again."
"Tell me about it," I muttered, smoothing my sheets until they were perfect.
Edward suddenly hopped down on the bed, sprawled out like it was his own, and I put my hands on my hips and fixed him with my best death glare.
He gave me an innocent look. "What?"
I narrowed me eyes. "Did you not see how I just finished making the bed about two point five seconds ago?"
Edward looked down at the bed around him. "Yes, and you did a lovely job."
I sighed with resignation and ended up plopping down next to him. "It's okay. It'll only end up getting messed up again tonight."
Edward smirked. "And why is that?"
I rolled my eyes. "You have a one-track mind, you know that?"
"I have a dick. Having a one-track mind is inevitable."
"You just insulted your own gender."
"Nah, I just speak the truth."
There was a pause and then he asked, "How long do you think before Emmett comes upstairs to invade our privacy?"
I tilted my head to one side, pretending to think. "Hmm. I'll give him five minutes."
"I reckon that's enough time."
"For. . ?"
Edward pulled me gently by the arm until I was close enough to kiss. His lips pressed tenderly against mine and his went into my air.
For the next few minutes, my mind was completely blank. I was thinking with my body, mostly my lips.
Somehow I ended up on his lap with my hands in his hair. It was always as soft as I'd imagined, and I couldn't keep my fingers out of the silky bronze jungle.
My lips made their home with his and I was breathing Edward for an unknown amount of time. Everything about his mouth drew me in like a magnet and once I was in I never wanted to get out of the stupor it put me in. The softness of his lips, the warmth of his breath, and the gentle and loving movements of his mouth against mine . . . it was the best feeling in the world.
We heard loud footsteps coming up the stairs and Edward pulled away, resting his forehead against mine.
"That brother of yours," he whispered.
The footsteps were off the stairs now.
"I don't care," I breathed, kissing him again.
The footsteps were halfway down the hall.
"We should stop," Edward mumbled against my lips.
The footsteps were coming closer.
"I don't want to," I said, pressing my lips a little harder.
The footsteps stopped outside my door and Edward pulled away, lifting me off the bed and setting me next to him.
I pouted and him and he grinned just as Emmett threw the door open like he was an FBI agent busting a drug dealer.
I glared at my brother. "Wouldn't kill you to knock!"
"The electricity is back!" Emmett said, ignoring my reprimand.
"No, really?" Edward said sarcastically. "I thought the light coming from that bulb up there was coming from the heavens."
"Har, har, har," Emmett said, rolling his eyes. He glanced between us. "Why don't you guys come on downstairs?"
Edward and I exchanged a glance and I resisted the urge to tell Emmett to get out of my room so Edward and I could start making out again.
"In a few minutes," Edward told him.
Emmett forced a smile. "How about now?"
"Nope, I'm sorry, now isn't possible."
"Why?"
"Because we're busy."
"Doing what?"
"I don't see how it's any of your business."
Edward and Emmett stared each other down and before things could get any tenser I said, "We'll be down in a second, Em. We were just talking about something."
Emmett stared at me for a second, trying to figure out if I was lying, and I stared back knowing that he wouldn't find deceit in my face.
Because we had been talking about something before he came in . . . . we were talking about not wanting to stop kissing.
After another moment of staring, Emmett sighed. "Fine."
Without another word, he left, and Edward looked at me with an annoyed expression.
"He's so fucking intrusive," he muttered, and I smiled as I climbed back onto his lap.
"He's just overprotective," I said as I set my head on his shoulder.
"There's a difference between being overprotective and being just plain irritating. I swear, if he interrupts us one more fucking time. . . "
His threat trailed off and I looked up to see that his mouth was set in a grim line.
"Is it upsetting you that much?" I asked. "Emmett interrupting us?"
Edward took a deep breath. "I tend to get annoyed easily, in case you haven't notice. Maybe I'm overreacting. But it's just that I've waited so long to fucking have you, and now that I do, your brother keeps getting in the way."
That statement got me thinking about Jacob and how angry he used to get whenever I told him I didn't want to do something because Emmett wouldn't allow it.
Edward noticed my spaced out look. "What're you thinking?"
"Jacob used to have the same kind of attitude," I said, unable to make my voice louder than a whisper. "He'd get so pissed whenever Emmett wouldn't let me do something with him."
Edward stiffened and his eyes darkened just a bit. He clenched and unclenched his jaw, which I learned was a habit that meant he was angry.
"You're angry," I mumbled, burying my face in his shoulder.
Edward sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Just that you're comparing me to that dickhead."
My head shot up. "I'm not! You mentioning Emmett's intrusiveness just reminded me of how. . . He used to be. That's all. You're nothing like him."
Except when it comes to having a temper, I thought.
I didn't say that though. I knew that being temperamental was, supposedly, somewhat of a testosterone fueled thing.
"Promise me something?" Edward said, sounding relatively calmer. "I don't ever want to talk about that prick ever again. I don't even want to hear his name, and I don't want him brought up. If you want to talk about him in a therapeutic type of way, that's different. But to be quite honest, whenever I think about him, I just get pissed off. So let's pretend it never happened, okay?"
Pretend it never happened? Did he realize how impossible that was?
"Okay," I whispered.
He kissed me, and for the fourth time that day, every thought flew from my mind.
I was just drifting off to sleep when I jumped at the sound of my door opening.
A dark silhouette stood in the doorway and I blinked away the disorientation. I knew it was Edward right off the bat; the glow from my blue night light hauntingly illuminated his bronze hair and pale skin. He was the only one in the house that tall, and with a body that lean; I'd probably recognize his silhouette in any dark room.
"You awake?" Edward asked.
"I am now," I mumbled tiredly.
Edward shut the door with a soft click, and then walked over to the bed where he stepped over me so that he was on my left side.
He climbed under the covers over him and I didn't hesitate to snuggle up to him so I could be in my most favorite place in the world: his arms.
Emmett had told Edward that since the power was back on, I didn't need him to sleep since my night light would be working. Edward had agreed to sleep on the couch, but he let me know in secret that he'd be climbing into bed with me later in the night.
Besides, what Emmett didn't know wouldn't hurt him.
"He might discover you in the morning," I mumbled sleepily into Edward's chest.
"Let him," Edward said.
"I don't want him to. He might hurt you."
Edward chuckled. "Let him."
"I refuse."
"Shh, go to sleep."
"I want to stay awake."
"Don't make me sing twisted childhood lullabies to you again."
I gasped with mock horror, my eyes closed. "You wouldn't."
"Rock-a-bye Bella on the back deck. . ."
"Why am I on the back deck?"
"You're staring out at our destroyed snow people."
"Why?"
"I dunno."
"Maybe I'm wishing I had created an Edward one, so that could attack him ninja style like the others."
"Well that's not very nice. I don't think I deserve to be destroyed ninja style."
"Kung fu style then."
"Much better."
We were silent and Edward started running his fingers up and down my back. That one movement was so loving, so soothing that I didn't want to be anywhere else. It was one of those moments that I wished I could freeze, or put on replay, so that they'd never end.
His rubbing felt insanely good and I took a deep breath, inhaling the Edward scent that was saturated in his t-shirt.
As sleepy as I was, a thought occurred to me.
"Will you be able to sleep with a shirt on?" I asked.
His hand stilled. "Not right away, and it'll be a restless slumber. . . " He trailed off questioningly.
"Would you have slept without it if you were on the couch?"
"Yes."
"You should take it off. I want you to be comfortable."
He hesitated. "Are you sure?"
I nodded and, without another moment's hesitation, he gently pushed me off his chest so he could sit up.
Once he was sitting, I watched as he pulled the t-shirt over his head. The dim light of the room accented the muscles of his back perfectly and I was momentarily breathless. Of course, they were nothing like a body builder. They were wiry muscles, but they showed that he had strength. They were so Edward and just perfect in every way.
He threw the shirt on the floor and I heard the soft flutter of fabric hitting wood.
"You better pick that up in the morning," I told him.
He lay back down and pulled me into his arms again. I put my head on his naked chest, wrapping my arm around his muscled torso. His skin was also saturated with the Edward smell- soap, cigarettes, intoxicating cologne, and something like lilac that I didn't know the source of.
I ran a finger over his abs and felt him shudder.
"Do you work out?" I asked.
"When I can. I have weights and shit in my room, but it's been a while."
"Doesn't look like it."
Edward chuckled. "It's not really my thing. Lifting weights, I mean. I don't care to look like a steroids filled monster. The only reason I do it is to stay healthy."
"This is going to sound so shallow, but I'm glad you do. Not just for your health but because you. . . are just heart-stoppingly gorgeous."
I felt my face grow warm and Edward chuckled and kissed the top of my head, but otherwise didn't respond.
Didn't he agree? Wasn't he going to thank me for the compliment?
I wondered if he also felt insecure about certain things.
My hands drifted from his abs to the pinkish area on the right side of his torso. It wasn't visible as much in the dark, but I remembered that it was there. It had looked like he had gotten a tattoo removed, and the words, whatever they had been, were faded into his skin.
Edward's whole body tensed up as my fingers roamed about the smooth surface of his removed tattoo.
"What did it say?" I whispered.
He didn't answer for a long moment and I looked up to see a pained expression on his face.
I looked back down, not liking that he was hurting.
"It was a name," he mumbled after a while.
"Oh," I responded feebly, not wanting him to talk about something that caused him distress.
To my surprise he continued. "My ex-girlfriend."
My hand stopped and I couldn't help the vicious pang of jealousy that tore through me.
This time, my own body was tense and Edward noticed.
He started to soothingly rub my back again until I relaxed. "It wasn't that long ago, not even a year, but it feels like ages. I thought I loved her, but now I'm starting to doubt that I did."
The words would barely come. "If you got her name tattooed on yourself, it must have been love. . . "
"It was stupidity, not love."
"How do you know?"
He put a finger under my chin and tilted my head up so that I could see the emotion in his eyes.
"What I feel with you is love," he said softly. "I was with her for three years and I never felt this way with her. I think. . . I think it was just lust, making me think I loved her."
Huh. Lust. That must mean that she was beautiful.
And that also meant that Edward probably wasn't a virgin.
Honestly, that didn't surprise me in the slightest.
"But it didn't work out. . ." I said, suddenly wanting details.
"No."
I waited, but he didn't say anything else.
"What happened?" I asked, trying to keep the impatience out of my voice.
He still didn't answer and I looked up, only to be greeted by his pained expression once more.
His eyes met mine and they were smoldering, but I couldn't place with what emotion.
Pain, definitely pain, but something else. . .
He closed his eyes, the emotion hidden behind his eyelids.
"Another story for another time," he whispered. "You should sleep. It's getting late."
"It's not like there's school tomorrow."
"Bella," he said, his voice sounding aged. "Sleep. Please."
I could tell by his face that he was thinking about things that were agonizing for him. I didn't want his mind to be in dark places, and I felt sorry that I had even asked about the tattoo, which seemed to trigger everything.
I leaned up, propping up on my elbow, and kissed his chiseled jaw. "Sorry."
His eyes flew open. "What for?"
"Asking about the tattoo."
"Don't be," he said firmly. "You deserve answers."
". . . but not yet."
"No, you deserve them now. It's just me that isn't ready to talk about it. And you'd think that with the happiness I've found, I'd be over everything. Shit, I think I need some therapy of my own."
"It's that bad?"
Edward nodded, but was silent.
I leaned down and softly pressed my lips to his, hoping that would make him forget whatever torturous thoughts he was thinking.
It seemed to work, because soon his hand was in my hair. His lips molded with mine, and that unavoidable heat was back, traveling the familiar route from my mouth to my chest to just below my stomach.
Much too soon, he pulled away, kissing my forehead.
"Sleep," he said.
I sighed and cuddled into his side again, my head on his hardened chest. He wrapped his arms around me once more, holding me like he never wanted to let go.
It was all I could ask for.
To lie on him while he was shirtless did funny things to my body but I started to feel even more exhausted by the minute.
Edward started humming a song I didn't recognize, and it wasn't long before the darkness of my room became darker.
Around six in the morning, I woke up when I felt Edward move.
"Sorry," he whispered. "Didn't mean to wake you."
"Where are you going?" I asked sleepily.
"I need to go back downstairs and act like I slept on the couch all night," he replied, pulling his t-shirt back on. "Before your brother wakes up. Go back to sleep."
Sleep evaded me now that he was leaving, but I tried nonetheless.
He kissed my temple before leaving, but I remained in a strange half-sleep for the next two hours.
It just wasn't the same without him.
Needing Edward in my bed in order to sleep properly was becoming a bad habit I wasn't sure I could break for the life of me.
The weekend went by in a blur.
Time seemed to fly with the electricity back, but Edward and I spent most of our time in the snow. The wet Forks weather was coming back and the snow wasn't going to last long with the slight increase in temperature.
I really did make an Edward snowperson, and I used my new self-defense skills to knock it down.
Edward was running out of clean clothes, and he said it was only a matter of time before he'd have to go home and "get things sorted".
I didn't want him to go back home; hell, I wanted him to live with us.
But I knew that he couldn't stay forever, and he shouldn't go too long without trying to fix things with his parents either.
I didn't know the details about what happened at his house the day he came over. All I knew was that he had gotten into a huge fight with his mom and dad, and that he needed a break from them.
I remembered Esme, and how kind she had always been. I couldn't imagine her arguing with anybody, with her soft features and heart-shaped face.
I didn't want to pry into Edward's personal life and past, even though he knew everything about my own.
I could only hope that one day he would open up to me, and tell me everything.
Edward was still a mystery to me, and I knew there was a lot I had yet to know about him.
I also knew he wasn't ready to tell me much; he had looked so pained when talking about his ex and that was enough to shut me up.
I'd always be waiting though. I'd always be waiting for that moment where he'd just spill his entire life story.
I knew Edward, but not enough. Definitely not enough.
Before I knew it, it was Monday.
Edward was wearing his last pair of clean clothes- a navy blue hoodie and worn out jeans, along with his precious leather jacket, of course.
After several long minutes of persuading Emmett that it was okay, Edward gave me a ride to school on his motorcycle. The day before, we had gone shopping for motorcycle helmets and now I was wearing a black and dark purple one on my head. I had to admit, it was very badass. It was mostly black, but on the sides was an intricate design of dark purple. It looked like flames, but thin, elegant ones that wove themselves into each other. Fiery, but feminine. Edward had picked it out himself.
It wasn't until we were off the bike in the school parking lot and Edward kissed me that I realized this was out first time making it "public" that we were together. I hadn't even told Alice about this.
I was suddenly anxious as Edward took my hand, walking with me towards the school building.
He looked at me, his brows furrowing. "What's wrong? You look sick."
"Just nervous."
"What about?"
"Us."
He stopped walking and kept staring at me, his brows permanently creased. "Elaborate."
I took a deep breath. "This is the first time we're going public."
Relief washed over his face, and I wondered what he had been thinking. "Oh. It's not a big deal, really. We're together, so what?"
"I must have a pretty twisted reputation. First I go out with the . . . abusive asshole, and now it's the rebel without a cause from London. I guess I have a thing for bad boys."
Edward winked. "I have cause. Like I said before, another story for another time. But really, don't stress it. People can think whatever the fuck they want, it isn't going to change anything. Besides, it's all people you barely talk to."
I nodded and bit my lip.
Edward took my hand and kissed my knuckles. "Relax. It'll be fine. If anyone looks at you wrong, I'll fuck them up."
"Not funny."
He chuckled. "I won't if you don't want me to."
The bell rang, and he tugged me towards the door; there were already people staring.
You can do this, I thought. Like he said, it's people I barely talk to. It doesn't matter what they think.
Edward squeezed my hand and smiled that crooked grin that always took my breath away.
It made me feel a thousand times better and I took a deep breath as we got closer to the main doors.
This was it.
I could already hear the gossipy hum in the air, and I would be met by nothing but that sound all day.
As annoying as it would be to have to deal with, I knew it wouldn't be so bad with Edward at my side.