So POV here – first flashback, then Beth, then Quinn, then Rachel. Shifts shouldn't be that difficult, but they start with italics.

Again thanks for the reviews. I wish I could answer them all personally but I'm afraid that would take forever and with my job, I sort of figured you'd rather me upload chapters.

Also - I get this might be a little angsty. Sorry. I assure you all good things come to those who wait. Or whatever that saying is.

Chapter 25

Quinn found herself standing outside with her birth daughter and her mother trying to explain what was going on. Give her a piece of paper and she could write a letter that brought tears to your eyes, but… communication, face to face anyway, was never her strong point.

"I don't understand," Beth said quietly. "Why wouldn't she tell me that?"

Judy was the one who answered her. "I can only imagine, honey, that she didn't want you to worry. It sounds like she was trying to protect you."

Beth bit back the comment she was forming in her head. 'How would you know? You don't know her.' She couldn't be disrespectful to Judy. She'd been incredibly kind to her and given her that beautiful necklace. She was afraid to say anything… do anything. She was scared her grandmother was going to die. And she was afraid about what that meant. How alone she'd actually be.

She couldn't hide her frown though. "You're probably right." She didn't really believe that. She wasn't a kid. They were both looking at her like she was a kid. Everyone always did.

"I'm glad we get to stay with you, Beth. We can do whatever you want." Quinn smiled shyly at her.

Beth made herself smile back.

It didn't reach her eyes.

Both of the older Fabrays noticed. But neither said anything.

I was afraid I wouldn't like Santana. I'd seen lots of pictures of her with Rachel and it looked like… it looked like she was her girlfriend or whatever. But Quinn was and so it was weird or whatever that Santana was always the one with her. In New York, anyone who even new who Rachel was, knew who Santana was. Plus they said she was kinda of, well Rachel said brash and Quinn said difficult but… she was cool. She cussed in Spanish. It was funny cause Quinn didn't understand her.

I liked Brittany too. A lot. I was glad she came back with us. It was fun dancing with her and she made me forget everything for a little while. I'd never met anyone who could dance like that. She was better than any teacher I'd ever had. And she made it look so easy. What was really cool was that she didn't criticize me when I couldn't get the move down or whatever. One time she even said she liked the way I did it better. Even though it was super evident that I'd messed up.

"So what do you want to do now?" Quinn asked me. It was sweet because I could tell she was worried or whatever, but I wasn't sure I wanted to do anything.

I shrugged. "I don't know," I whispered. I felt like crying all of a sudden. I didn't want to do that in front of them. I didn't want them to think I was a baby. I tried swallowing hard. I'd cried enough today.

My mom had been in Europe for a few days. She sent me a text yesterday but I guessed with the time change and everything… I shook my head because I didn't want to think about that either.

Everybody was looking at me. Quinn was frowning. I wondered if I was that easy to read.

I was still sitting in between Brittany and Santana, my laptop opened. I closed it slowly and sat it on the coffee table. "I'm kinda tired," I finally said. "Is it okay if I go to bed?"

Rachel frowned then. "Sweetheart, you don't have to ask us if you can go to bed. It's been a long day."

I nodded. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

She frowned harder when I apologized, but she didn't say anything.

Brittany stood up beside me. "Is it cool if I see your room?"

"Sure," I answered. I really did like her. She was easy to be around. I could see why the others smiled when she was speaking.

She held out her hand for me. "Awesome," she said, when she pulled me up. "Night guys," she called, pulling me towards the door.

"Good night," I echoed.

I got a chorus of 'good nights' in return. I didn't look at Quinn. I could almost feel her frowning.

I was glad they were all staying. It was weird though. Kinda like I was in another house or something… my mom wasn't home. And my nana… they told me she was staying over night at the hospital.

I didn't like being treated like a child. Technically, I was but whatever. I never understood why adults felt the need to lie to children for their own good. When kids are little, adults make up all sorts of things. Tooth Fairy. Santa Claus. Whatever. And then, when we get older they tell us trust me. I know what's best. How? Why? You've lied to us our whole lives. I couldn't trust any of them. My mom. My nana. Even Quinn. She didn't tell me what my nana was doing. I wondered how long she'd known? Did she know before she came out here? Is that why she came?

I felt like a charity case. I was tired of all of it. Being bustled around. I started to question if they even wanted to be here. Maybe they just felt like they had to be. Maybe my mom had wanted me to find that box all along. It wasn't even really hidden. It was almost like she'd known I was going to find it.

I was getting confused and when I couldn't figure out what was going on I got scared. I shut down. I'd been shutting down a lot lately. I wanted to trust Quinn. Rachel. All of them really. I did.

But I couldn't. I started to question whether or not it was smart to have called her. Maybe I should've just let everything play out. After my nana died, and she said she was going to… everything would be over. Then I could've just disappeared.

Sometimes I really wanted to disappear.

I sat down next to Santana after they went upstairs. Rachel sat down across from us. I felt a little like the wind had been knocked out of me.

I could feel her pain. Literally. I honestly felt it. I didn't even know that was possible. I let my mind drift to Eliza briefly and I wondered if Rachel had felt… god, the thought was too horrible to even have and I shook my head to clear it.

"Quinn," Rach started. "Honey, you can't… you knew this was going to be hard. She's had a lot to process."

I nodded, distracted. "I know," I said. I wanted to believe her. God knows she tried so hard. She'd been nothing but… well, Rachel… and that was perfect. I just couldn't wrap my head around what was happening and what Beth was feeling. I wanted to but then again… it was scaring me.

And I did know it was going to be hard. Of course, I knew. Her grandmother was dying. God… I couldn't even. How could I have thought that I could just come in here and save the day? One hug and aday spent shopping and having fun and then I was just like I'm your new mom now.

Stupid. I wasn't thinking that was why. I had to think. If I couldn't think… I couldn't process and I couldn't figure it out. I was too rash about this. I'd hopped on a plane and been swept away by the idea of seeing her. Of getting to make up for lost time. Of finally getting to be a mother.

Of second chances.

I didn't know the first fucking thing about raising a kid. Especially a teenager. Only experience I had was my own childhood… lot of fucking good that did me. What could I teach her? How to be repressed and sad? How to be a bitch and hateful? How to treat everyone that ever gave one damn about you like shit that was stuck to the bottom of your shoe? That's all I'd learned when I was her age. That you can't be loved unless you do what people wanted. That you hid who you were and pretended. That you stood on everyone's back, even if you loved them, to get to the top. Because it was more important to be feared. Love was unnecessary.

I gave her up for a reason. Because I couldn't do it. And now… could I fucking change? How much had I changed? I still felt like the same person now that I was in high school. I still hid. I still ran.

At that moment, I fought everything inside of me because I wanted nothing more than to jump up and run the hell out of that apartment as fast as I could. I could literally feel my legs twitching.

"Q," Santana said. "You're getting in your head." She side-eyed me. "You need to breathe, chica."

I shook my head. "Was this a mistake?" I whispered. Even as if left my mouth, I couldn't believe I'd said it out loud.

I watched her and Rachel share a look.

I hated when they fucking did that. They could talk to each other with their eyes and it just… it reminded me of all the years I was absent from Rachel's life. Of everything I'd missed. Just like Beth. Just like Eliza. I missed everything. Their first step. Their first words. I'd missed the 'mommies' and the 'I love you''. The tears and the smiles. They'd all slipped through my fingers because of fear.

I saw them share another look. Santana hadn't missed Eliza's. Shelby got to see Beth's. Shelby wasn't here though and I was angry. I was angry at the way they were looking at each other. I was angry because they both thought I was going to break.

"Sweetie, it wasn't a mistake. She needs us. You can see that, can't you?" Rachel was eyeing me sadly. That was disturbing too. I didn't like making her sad. It was too much. I saw her catch Santana's eye a third time.

"Stop that!" I couldn't hide the bitterness in my voice. "Stop doing that! You always do that around me. Do you think I don't know what you two are thinking?!"

Rachel recoiled like I'd hit her. I admit I was angry. I was furious. But not at her. Not at Santana. Not even at Shelby.

I was fucking mad at myself. At every stupid goddamn decision I'd ever made. I hated what I was sometimes.

"I'm so fucking sick of this!" I wasn't yelling because I didn't want to upset Beth but I couldn't stop myself. I stood up suddenly. "I need to get out of here. I've just got to…"

"What?!" Rachel asked, jumping up as well. "Are you serious, Quinn? You need to get out of here?" She put her hands on her hips and eyed me. "You are not going anywhere."

"I don't recall asking for your permission," I bit back.

I wish I could adequately describe the way her face contorted at what I said. I couldn't though. I expected hurt. Sadness. What I got instead was full on anger. I subconsciously took a step back.

She breathed in and out for a few seconds before speaking. "Don't you speak to me that way," she said, stepping closer. "I understand that you are upset. I understand that you're overwhelmed. But I will not stand here and watch you do that whole self-destruct thing that you do. You better get over yourself right now," she spat out. She looked towards the door. "That girl needs you. You're her mother. If you thought this was going to be a nice stroll in the park you apparently forgot the whole of your teenage years." Her face was a mask of Rachel Berry fury. I wasn't sure I'd ever been more afraid of her and of what she was going to do. "She's going through a lot right now. She's scared. And she needs someone." She poked her finger in my chest. "That's you, Quinn Fabray. You opened this Pandora's box. You better see this through." She narrowed her eyes at me. "And I fucking mean that. Do not mess with me. You are not leaving. I don't give a shit if you didn't ask for permission. I will not let you screw this up." She crossed her arms in a silent challenge and it was one that I hadn't seen in a long time.

I had nothing to say to that. I could count on one hand the amount of times I'd heard her curse. And it had also been a while since Rachel had handed me my ass like that. I really wanted to look away but I knew if I broke eye contact with her, she'd be even more pissed.

"Whoa," Santana whispered, still sitting on the couch. I'd forgotten she was there. By the look on Rachel's face, so had she. "Guess you ain't going anywhere."

I started to give her a piece of my mind but Rachel's face shut that down even before it crossed my lips.

Santana was watching us like a fan at a tennis match.

I sighed and broke eye contact first. I sat down in a chair away from them. Rach moved to sit beside S then.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do here," I finally said.

"So you just run?" Rachel asked. "Is that your response to everything?"

I shrugged. "Uh, pretty much, Rach. Have you not noticed that?" I wasn't sure where the hell my filter had gone, but I couldn't stop myself now even if I tried.

Santana rolled her eyes. She was being oddly quiet.

Rachel sighed again. "You know, I've been really understanding of your need or whatever to get out and think and run or do whatever it is you do when you take off… but you don't get that choice this time. So you're going to have to figure out another way to deal with this."

I crossed my arms this time. I didn't like to be patronized. "What do you think I should do?"

Santana raised her hand at that. "If I may?" She asked Rach. For the love of god…

Rachel nodded at her.

"Take your scrawny ass upstairs, Quinn. I know you're freaking or whatever but B is up there doing your job. Get off your ass."

I pondered that. Was that what I was supposed to do? Rachel was obviously agreeing with her… what with the nodding and all.

"She's comfortable with Brittany," I lamely observed.

"Everybody is comfortable with Brittany," Rachel said. "Because she makes them comfortable. And because she thinks about the other person first." She closed her eyes for a moment and rubbed her forehead. When she opened them, she looked less… angry… I guessed. "Quinn, I love you. So much. But you've got to just stop. Just stop. You can't predict everything, but you are going to miss everything if you try."

Santana smiled at that. "That was some total Confucian wisdom there, babe. I'm proud."

She smacked S in the arm. "I'm Confucian on occasion, Santana. You know that."

"I need a few minutes," I finally said. It was hard for me to look her in the eyes as I said it.

Rachel frowned. "Fine. But I'm going to talk to her." She stood up. "I know you're frustrated and scared and… it's overwhelming. I understand. We've only been here a day. Maybe you should think about everything. If you need time…" She sighed. "Take time. Just don't take too much. You said this was your second chance. Make it count."

I nodded. I wasn't that slow.

I knocked softly on the door and waited. I could hear talking and what sounding like the television playing. I didn't want to open the door without permission though.

I was irrationally mad at Quinn. I took a few breaths to calm myself because I didn't want Brittany or Beth to pick up on that.

"Come in, Rach." Britt said.

I opened the door. I started to ask how she knew it was me but…"My knock?"

"Totally," she smiled.

They were both lying on their stomachs, heads at the foot of the bed, feet in the air. They were watching a film version of the show we were going to see tomorrow. I smiled and shut the door. "I love this movie."

Beth smiled softly back. "You can watch it with us," she said.

I sat down on the floor in front of them with my back to the bed, drawing my knees to my chest. We watched in silence for a while until Brittany popped up suddenly. "I've gotta go to the bathroom. Can we pause it for a sec?"

We both nodded at her. I knew what she was doing so I waited to speak until she'd shut the door behind her. "Today's been a big day, huh?"

"Yeah," she whispered. "I'm sorry about…"

"No," I interrupted. "You don't need to apologize about anything. You haven't done one thing wrong." I turned so I was completely facing her. She had her hands on the bed and her chin was resting on top of them. I reached up and pushed a piece of hair behind her ear. "Are you okay, sweetie?"

I watched her eyes shine. She was so much like Quinn. It was sad to watch someone fight so hard not to cry. I wondered if she shared the same anger? The same need to escape?

I swallowed and tried again. "I don't mean to upset you. I just want to make sure. I know everything is overwhelming." It was hard for her, but to her credit she held my gaze. "Is there someone you'd like to call? Talk to? Maybe a friend or something?"

She looked away at that question. "I don't have a lot of friends."

"But Quinn said on your birthday you had…" I stopped myself. Quinn said she had friends over on her birthday.

She shrugged and it was valiant effort to appear nonchalant. It failed though. "I lied."

"Why?" It was horrible because I feared I already knew the answer.

"I didn't want to tell her that nobody was over here. There were some guys my age but they're parents are friends of my mom or whatever. Sometimes they come over and they're cool and stuff but we don't go to the same school." I watched a tear slide down her cheek and fall onto the bed. She'd laid her head against her hands and was staring at the window. "It's cool. I've never really been that close to anyone. I mean there was this one girl Ava – she was nice and all but she moved about six months after she transferred to our school so I didn't really get to know her that well."

I felt like the breath had been knocked out of me. I wasn't sure what to say.

I didn't hear Brittany come into the room. She sat down on the edge of the bed next to Beth and rubbed the space between her shoulders. I noticed she was trying to catch my eye. She nodded towards me. I knew what she wanted me to do.

"When I was in high school…" I started. I looked at Brittany who was nodding even more encouragingly then. "I didn't really have any friends either," I finally finished.

Beth did turn and look at me then. "Really?"

"Yeah, really."

She seemed shocked by that. "But you're like… you're Rachel Berry."

Brittany smiled. "Rachel was always like the brightest star, even when nobody knew it."

I shrugged. "I talked to people in high school and I was…" I thought about how to phrase this. I didn't want her to think I thought anything she'd done had caused what she was experiencing. "… I was kind of goal-oriented and extremely socially awkward. Plus I didn't have a filter. So people were just sort of…" I sighed. "…mostly they ignored me. Or they were mean. I spent a lot of nights and weekends in my room crying my eyes out."

She sat up then and tucked her knees under her chin. "Were you shy?"

Brittany laughed. "No. Rachel wasn't shy at all. She was always singing. The first time I heard her sing, I thought that someone had accidentally let an angel go to our school or something. I wanted to help her get back to Heaven. But then San said…" She looked sad all of a sudden. I felt bad that she was even having to think about it. She always felt so bad about the way things had happened in high school. "… we were really mean to her. It was mostly cause…" she shook her head. "…high school is stupid. People do stupid things for stupid reasons and stuff. I really regret it. I always wanted to be secret friends with Rachel but I couldn't. Now I don't even remember why they told me I couldn't." She looked near tears. "But Rachel was always the bigger person. Even now. Even though she is like ultra tiny… she's like the biggest person I know. She was just better."

I sat up on my knees. "You know you were always my secret friend, Brittany Pierce. I got a birthday card from you every year. It was always in my locker. It made me smile every year. I never blamed you for anything." I patted her leg. "I love you."

She smiled at that. She turned to Beth. "Are you shy in school?"

She nodded. "I don't know how to talk to people. It's always just been me and Nana. And sometimes my mom. I just feel…" She looked away again. "Girls don't like me. Sometimes I talk to boys and stuff but then they just want to…" She stopped suddenly. "… you know, be boys."

I couldn't explain how much I wanted to hug her. "Do you know why girls don't like you?"

She looked at me for a moment. "They say I'm a bitch."

Or they were jealous, I thought. How could they not be? God I'd forgotten how hard it was to be a teenager. How horrible they could be. It hurt to see what she was going through. I thought about Eliza. Had she lived… how would I have handled this? Would it have hurt this bad? I just wanted to hug her and never let her go. I wanted to fix everything.

"Because you don't talk a lot?" Brittany asked.

She shrugged. "I guess. I don't ever know what to say. I always feel like…" she trailed off.

"Feel like what, sweetie?" I prompted.

"Like I'm gonna say something dumb. Sometimes it feels like people are looking through me or something. Sometimes I know they're talking about me. When I walk in a classroom and everybody gets quiet or they all start giggling or whatever…" She shrugged again. "It's not that big of a deal."

"It's a really big deal," I told her. "Never let anyone diminish how you are feeling. You're allowed to feel that way." I got up and sat down on the other side of her. "I know that you talked to Quinn about everything… with Shelby and your grandmother and… I just need to know what you want, sweetie. I think it's time I speak to Shelby. I don't want to betray your trust, nor your grandmother's, but… Miriam said that Shelby is gone a lot." I sighed. She was just a child. I couldn't let her make any of these decisions. But we were about to embark on a journey we couldn't come back from and I didn't want to do anything until I knew we were all in the same boat. (I could mix a metaphor like you wouldn't believe. Quinn would be horrified.)

I had to give her credit because she really listened to what I said. She didn't seem upset or afraid when I mentioned Shelby. In fact… she almost seemed relieved to a certain extent. It made me wonder why Miriam was protecting Shelby. It hit me that she was her daughter. Of course she would protect her.

Beth looked down at her hands. "Sometimes I think about…"

She was so quiet we both leaned in to hear her. She trailed off though.

"I just don't feel like I belong. Sometimes I think it would be easier not to be anymore." Her voice was so soft it didn't even qualify as a whisper.

I caught Brittany's eye. Neither one of us wanted to say the wrong thing. She motioned very softly at me with her eyes. That meant I was supposed to take the lead.

"What does that mean?" I asked.

She shook her head back and forth and this time she was crying. I knew she wasn't going to answer me. She didn't really have to. I knew what she meant.

"You'll always have somewhere to go. Someone to go to, sweetie," I told her.

I put my arm around her shoulder and put my other hand on the back of her head. I had to guide her to me. She seemed afraid, but once I started hugging her, she sort of collapsed against me. I could see Brittany still rubbing her back.

"I know it's hard," I whispered. "And sometimes that seems easier. But I promise you… there's always another way." I kissed the side of her head. "After Eliza died, I felt the same way. Like there was no reason for me to be anywhere. I just wanted to go to sleep because I thought it would finally all go away. All the pain. The terror."

"What stopped you?" She asked.

I took another deep breath. "Quinn. Brittany. Santana and Kurt. My fathers. Judy." I ran my fingers through her hair. "Knowing that people loved me. Knowing that I still had things I had to do."

"What if you were wrong?" She whispered again. It broke my heart all over again. I wondered how many more times it could be shattered so perfectly by this girl.

"I wasn't," I said matter-of-factly.

"But how do you know?"

"Because I'm here. With you. And obviously you need me. I wouldn't be here if I'd given up." I pulled her closer. "We are going to figure this out. All of us. We are going to get you what you need. I won't leave here until that happens." I realized as I said it that it was true. I would do whatever I had to… whatever I could… to help her.

She pulled back when I finished. She was studying me with eyes I'd seen thousands of times before. Those eyes didn't trust. They were wary of any kindness thrown their way. Those eyes expected conditions. Because unconditional love was a concept they didn't understand. They'd never been given a chance.

"Why?" She finally asked.

"I love you," I simply said.

"How could you love me? You don't even know me?"

Those eyes that didn't believe that someone would just love them…

"I don't need to know you. I can see you. Who you are. I can't explain it. If I'm supposed to love you, I do. When I first saw you… it was like I was staring at Quinn fifteen years ago. I know you think that's why I want to help you. That that is why I love you. It's not though. It's because you're Beth. It's because you were honest with us just now. It's because you love musicals and you're good at math. It's because you let me buy you that shirt you had your eye on this afternoon even though I know you thought it was too expensive. It's because you told me you thought I was green and you asked me to sign that playbill. It's because you kept that playbill and you love Wicked. It's because I can tell you are a good person." I finally just shrugged. "I can't really rationalize it. I've never been able to. It's just because."

Brittany smiled. "See?" She asked Beth. "Santana was totes right. You're gonna have to tell her."

I raised my eyebrow at that. "Totes right about what?"

Beth smiled softly and laid her head back against my shoulder. "She just told me you were genuine."

I smiled back. For some reason it made me happy that Santana had tried to help her too. "Sweetie, would you like me to talk to Shelby?"

She finally nodded against me. "Please."

"Okay," I said and kissed her forehead.

I knew I'd have to talk to Miriam first. I didn't want to make a misstep. But Desperation and I had tangled in the past, ourselves. It wasn't pleasant. And I would not watch the same thing happen to Beth. Shelby be damned.

And Quinn too, if she couldn't handle it.

I held her against me as she cried softly. I wondered how many people had held her before today. I felt my own eyes water, but unlike the Fabray women I was never afraid to let them spill. I noticed that Brittany was crying softly as well.

I wasn't sure how long we sat there on her bed. I didn't see Quinn and Santana watching us. Not at first. I didn't know how long they'd been standing just outside the room.

I couldn't see their faces because they were standing just to the side of the doorway. I knew Brittany and Beth hadn't seen them. When they moved closer to the door, I caught Quinn's attention. I could see her tears threatening to fall. I sighed. It must be so tiring sometimes.

I mouthed Come in here, and motioned with my head.

She stood at the doorway a moment, hesitant as ever. Santana gave her shoulder a squeeze and nodded. "Come on," she said quietly.

And Beth looked up at that.

Hi," Quinn said, very softly, "is this a private movie party or is anyone invited?"

Beth caught both of our eyes. We shrugged.

"What do you think?" She asked us. She realized she was not getting a clear answer from either of us when we shrugged again. "You can watch it with us. Want us to start it over?"

Quinn and Santana shared a look. "Sure," they answered at the same time.

We made room on the bed. Brittany and I lay down on either side of Beth. We copied their earlier positions and lay on our stomachs. Quinn and Santana sat in front of the bed this time. I watched Santana put her arm around Quinn. Honestly something I'd never thought I'd see again.

I was suddenly very glad we'd brought them. I couldn't deal with Quinn's meltdown and help Beth. I knew that Santana had probably talked Quinn down. I felt hopeful because at least she was trying.

Everyone was trying.

"Play the move, Little B," Santana said.

"Little B?" Quinn asked.

"Or Little Q," Beth said, very shyly.

Quinn smiled through the blush that tinged her cheeks. "I like that one," she finally said.

"Too bad," Brittany stated, winking. "I called it first. And I need a mini B. Cause she'd be like totes awesome."

Quinn faked pouted and crossed her arms dramatically. I breathed out a sigh of relief as the movie started playing again. Quinn didn't run. Even though she wanted to. And that meant she was going to stay.

I loved her. And now I loved her daughter.

I just hoped that love was enough to get us through this.