A/N – I have no excuse and all I have are apologies. Especially since this is the end of Part One. I do hope to get working on Part Two more than I have. Pieces and parts of it were written before the creative juices got sucked dry by my job as an architect, but now that we are in the construction admin portion of the job, hopefully they will start flowing again. My apologies once again. The lyrics below are by Keane from their song "Perfect Symmetry".

Chapter Twenty-Four

What I do, that will be done to me…

Maybe you'll feel it too.

Winter had come to Dantooine's Khoonda Plains by the time the crew of the Hawk arrived at the Enclave. It was the worst weather the planet had seen in decades, snow drifts piling up as high as the grand walls of the Jedi academy. Each night brought more snow and each day no relief from the chill, though the sun shined brightly. Only fools ventured out into the plains.

Within the walls of the Enclave, the Jedi managed to keep the courtyards clean of high drifts, though few spent their time in the cold. Older Knights made sure to keep the young students warm and close, the exterior doors locked to prevent stupidity and bravado in the adolescents. But they could not bar Maia no matter how hard they tried. She would leave each morning and return each evening, her cheeks red and cold bitten. No one knew where she went during the day and only Atton knew where she disappeared to at night.

In time, her companions grew angry with her. It was almost as if she was abandoning them in the strangest territory yet. Mira and Bao-Dur were being courted by the Order, though neither had agreed to accept the training and Atton was doing a good job of beating back the Jedi's advances. Nobody bothered Zeta, though most were curious about her academy and her training. She usually kept to herself and, like Maia, was hard to find during most hours of the day and night. None of the crew seemed to mind.

It was two weeks into their stay on the planet before life began to settle into some semblance of normalcy. Each was beginning to get used to the regular interval of day and night after so many months spent within the hull of their ship. It had been difficult at first to eat during designated meal hours and sleep when others slept as opposed to living by their own schedule, but the crew of the Hawk slowly fell into the rhythm of the Jedi, even Maia. Eventually, she started to spend more time within the Enclave than outside of it but was still difficult to find even during the best of times. Nobody knew why.

She was sitting in one of the exterior courtyards when Atton found her one evening, knees pulled to her chest, face buried in her arms. Falling snow caught in the fine tangle of her hair and he wondered how long she had been sitting there. Did she know Mical was awake?

He approached slowly, not wanting to disturb her until he absolutely had to and she looked up as he wiped snow from the bench.

"I thought I might be happy here," she said quietly. "I've always considered Dantooine my home. I fought for her during the wars and cried for her during my exile. I never regretted leaving, but the Enclave was my safe haven during the nights I had nothing else and I would fill it with my friends. Raema would sit here with me when our Masters brought us home, Alek, Danijela, and Valen there." She pointed to the base of a nearby tree. "But all I see now are the ghosts of everyone who isn't here. They followed her into the dark."

Atton watched her, not turning to look at the tree. "Who'd they become?"

"Alek became Malak." Her lips twitched as she paused. "And I killed Danijela on Raxus Prime, but I don't know what happened to Valen. He left with her and never returned."

She continued to watch the tree and Atton wondered if she was seeing her old friends even now. A smile crossed her lips and something touched the back of his mind, some vague memory that wasn't his, something he wanted to suppress because of its connection to the Force. He gripped at the bench with one hand and gritted his teeth as it blossomed around him.

At length, though, he turned to see if there was actually something behind him that would capture her attention for so long, but all he saw was the tree, its branches reaching for the ground under the weight of ice. In its shadow where no snow could fall stood a single white lily untouched by the harsh winter around it.

"We don't have to stay here, you know," he said, turning back to her. "You and me, we can jet off and just leave everything behind. I'm good at hiding, Maia. I've spent an entire life doing it."

She didn't turn to look at him for a long time and when she did, she blinked and furrowed her brow, her eyes clearing. The only light in the courtyard came from a few lanterns. "I can't leave the Jedi, not with the galaxy in the state it's in."

"You don't have to be the hero."

"But I do, Atton. I'm spiraling and I have to pull myself out of the darkness. I don't know what will happen or where I'll land if I don't. I have to prove that I'm worthy of this title."

"To who? The three masters who managed to snub the rest of the galaxy well enough to escape the Purge while you were out there doing what they should have been doing?" Atton gestured towards the Council Chamber. "They should be showering you in praise, not criticizing you."

Maia frowned and appeared to be debating with herself. Atton touched her elbow, causing her to look him in the eye. It seemed to be enough to get her to talk. "Did I ever tell you that I was never formally recognized as a Knight? I was only halfway through my Trials when Raema persuaded me to leave." She brushed the snow out of her hair and pulled a thick woolen hood over her head, casting her face in shadow. "I thought no one would be willing to follow a Padawan into battle without her master, so I took the rank without their consent. Officially, I'm still a student."

"Don't tell me they're holding that bullcrap over your head." Atton said, a frown pulling at his face.

Maia just sighed before going on, "I honestly can't tell. All I know is that they won't let me leave the planet."

"How can they stop you?"

"They'll find a way," she said. "They always do."

She shrugged and rested her chin on her forearms, looking away from him as she did, but Atton wasn't going to accept it. He grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her across the bench so her legs fell over the side and she was forced to look at him.

"You don't have to listen to them. You know you don't. Hell, you've spent the last fourteen years of your life not listening to them and don't you even try to tell me that your exile was listening because I am sure as hell they didn't give a crap about you after you left. You did exactly what you wanted to do and went where you wanted to go because they no longer had the power to control you." He loosened his grip already sure he would leave bruises despite the thick fabric of her robe. "You don't have to do what they want you to do. You don't have to dress like they want you to. If it wasn't for you, they would still be watching the galaxy die from a safe distance, if not very, very dead."

"You don't think I know that?" she replied, her voice soft despite her words. It was haunting. "You don't think I've agonized over what my fate might be?"

She stood and paced across the platform, stopping only when she reached the stairs that would lead her away from him. Clutching her hands behind her back, she shook her head once, speaking to the ground.

"I've caused the deaths of so many people. But not only people, Atton, fellow Jedi. My hands are stained in their blood." Her fingers clenched as she said it, turning white. "Before the end, Revan had me killing Jedi whom she claimed had fallen to the dark side. She had me convinced that the only way to save them was to kill them and I followed her blindly. I was such a fool."

"You never told me that," Atton said, watching her. He wasn't sure exactly where she was going with all this, if her myriad of confessions meant something unpleasant, but he would allow her to continue until she was done, unhappy though he was. That little voice of reason that lived in the back of his head—the one that was usually right, that he tended to ignore—that little voice of reason was telling him to be careful. It was telling him that Zeta's assertion that he would find his bed empty one morning was going to come true sooner than he had planned. And so he let her speak, afraid that she might run if he stopped her to tell her that things were going to be okay when they both knew it was a lie. Maia hated being lied to after so many years of enduring it from the people she had loved and trusted most in her life.

"I've never told anyone," Maia went on. "I was so ashamed of myself for falling into her trap once I had the hindsight to know what she was asking of me. I made her conquest easy. I am the reason the galaxy burned under her desire to rule it all."

"How old were you when she asked you to kill your friends?"

That earned him a glare far colder than anything that surrounded them. But there was also a certain amount gratitude under the harsh look for not glossing over the topic or sugar-coating it like most others would have done.

"Twenty-one," she answered at length. "Practically a baby."

"I'm having a hard time picturing you as a baby," Atton said, squinting at her. Maia managed a short chuckle as she walked slowly back to him. "Are you sure you were a baby and that you didn't just pop into existence like you are now?"

She sat next to him once more and lifted her hands to hold his face, her fingers stroking into the hair at his temples, her eyes crinkling at the edges and showing her age, slight though the wrinkles were.

"Maybe one day I'll be able to give you an idea of what I looked like as a child," she said.

He pushed a curl across her forehead, tucking it behind one ear, wrapping his other arm around her waist and pulling her closer. She didn't let go of him. "Have you been holding out on the baby pictures, Maia?"

A smile touched her lips. "Not even one."

The courtyard was silent as the snowfall picked up. It caught in his hair and trickled freezing down his back, but he didn't pay attention to it for fear of breaking eye contact with the woman he held. He could feel her receding to some place only she knew despite her smile. And even when she stroked his cold cheek with her cold thumb, it was as if the touch came from some great distance away.

"You go before they find some way to convert you, Atton. I want you to have the choice that I never did," she said softly. "They convinced Mira and Bao this morning and I'm sure you'll be next. They're so desperate for new students that even your tricks won't keep them out for long. You've done so well with me and I know you can keep them at bay, too. I would choose Jedi every time if asked, but what they're offering isn't a life I would wish on anyone who didn't want it." She dropped her hands and leaned into him, burying her face in his neck. "And if they find out about this? They're looking to send me into permanent exile anyway and this would give them the reason they need. They're going to take the Force away again."

"Then leave. Forget about everyone else and save yourself just this once."

"I can't. I want to be Jedi. I want to comply." She looked at her hands. They still trembled. "I want so desperately to comply. They can save me," she whispered. "I have to stay until they can fix me."

"You don't need to be saved, Maia. Sweetheart. They're fools for not letting you do what you do best," he replied. "You have to see that. Don't let them guilt you out of being who you are. If you let them in, then you've become just like them and I won't allow that, not after everything you've put me through." He slid a hand under her hood and held the back of her head, his fingers tangling in her hair, his other arm wrapped tightly around her. "They don't care a lick about you, honey. They've made that clear from the start."

"But they're the fools who are going to rebuild the Order. I have to give them some concession."

"I thought the old witch said that was your job."

"No." She shook her head. "I was supposed to bring you all together, but my destiny is to leave. I'm not supposed to be a part of your future. You know that. I've told you that." She continued looking at her hands, her voice so low he could barely hear her. "Atton, you're not supposed to be in my heart."

He was silent then. She had told them of her encounter with Kreia and of what the old Sith had told her. They all knew that she would leave known space to find Revan and this time it sounded more final, somehow. Atton didn't like it, but he wasn't going to say anything about it. Nor did he have the words. So, instead, he put his thumb under her chin and tilted her face to his.

"In that case, I'll make sure you remember me when you go." He kissed her then and smiled against her lips as she responded, her arms tightening around him. All of her fear about the Masters discovering them seemed to be forgotten and he vowed that he would tell her before she left, be it in months or in weeks. She had saved him from whatever destructive end he would have found on his own and he knew for the first time in his life that he would finally live up to the name he had given himself.

She didn't notice the cold wind or the melting snow that seeped into her boots. She didn't see the Enclave before her, blazing and alive in the middle of the long night, nor did she hear Zeta's approach. It was only when the other woman spoke that Maia turned from her study of the stars.

"Are you ready?" Zeta said, drawing up to Maia's side.

"I suppose I have little choice."

"No, Maiali, you have every choice. There is nothing mandating that you leave them tonight or that you leave them from this planet. You made that decision and if you choose to leave them later then I will wait until you're ready for my guidance." Zeta's eyes glowed in the moonless night. "I have all the time in the galaxy to give you."

Maia shook her head slowly. "I shouldn't leave Mical, not like this. Not again."

"Forget your friends and your Padawan," Zeta said. "They knew this day would come sooner or later. He will be safe here. Don't use them as excuses to not do what you must do. I know that you're ready for this. You know you're ready."

She glanced at Zeta, knowing that the younger woman was right. Maia was ready. She had done everything she needed to do to get to this point. Guilt still wracked her healing body, though, and Maia suspected that she would feel it for a long time to come.

"I never told them I would leave Dantooine alone," she went on to say, not knowing why, exactly. Another excuse to bide time she didn't really want. A clean break. That's how she had to do it. No pussyfooting, she told herself.

"Nor did you tell them they would go with you."

Maia sighed and looked down on the Enclave for the first time since leaving it. Everything she wanted was still asleep within those walls, ready to protect her at all cost. Everything she told herself that she needed was attached to her belt or already stowed in the ship. He was in her heart. That was enough.

"This is how she left me," Maia said quietly, "in the middle of the night some days after Malachor. I had just told her that I was going to turn myself in to the Council for judgment and that I felt…wrong, somehow. I didn't have words for it then." She shivered not from the cold. "I suppose losing the Force is sort of like having a phantom limb. You can still feel it even though you know it's not there and each time you look for it, you're surprised it's gone. I was blind, deaf, and weak. I held my lightsaber clumsy at best before giving it up entirely at my trial." Glancing at Zeta, she flexed her hands. "Do you think they'll ever forgive me?"

"Did you forgive Revan?"

"Yes."

"Then I believe they will in time."

"Not all of them." She flexed her fingers again, whispering, "And I need him to hate me enough to never want to see me again. I told him tonight that I couldn't leave, that I had to stay here and give in to the Masters. I told him that I couldn't leave with him. Leaving with you will break any love he has for me. I only hope it will be enough to save him from me."

Zeta looked at her and said nothing.

Taking in a deep breath, Maia nodded once. And then again. Running a hand as best she could through her hair and stomping at the snow in a slight shuffle, Maia gestured towards Khoonda with her chin. "Let's go find her."

Zeta smiled as she followed Maia down the snowy slope. "She will welcome you like a hero, Maiali. From what little I know, she loved you best before the end."

But Maia only swallowed and remained silent as they went to retrieve her ship. Vanity had been Revan's downfall and Maia wouldn't let it creep into the pit of her stomach where Kreia's anger and cruelty already lived amongst the voices of Sith. She could ignore them there and pretend they didn't exist. There is no emotion, she told herself with each step through the fallen snow. There is no passion.

There was only the Force.

No, she thought. There is also life.