My heart was pumping faster now. I was five steps away from her door. I parked my car right outside so that I could drive away quickly if ever this all goes wrong. My palms were shaking and I was sweating out on a cold day. How weird is that? I stepped up to her door and knocked slowly but loud enough for her to hear from the inside. No one answered and I've been here only for a minute. I was getting impatient and I just wanted to get this over with. I couldn't stand not seeing her face. Actually, in all honesty, I couldn't stand any of this at all. I sighed before holding on to the door knob. I twisted it slowly and noticed that it was unlocked. I barged in as soon as the door opened. She wasn't home and she didn't lock her door on the way out. Something must be wrong.
I checked the whole place out and noticed how cluttered some things were. She hadn't tidied up. She was a mess and she wasn't home. I checked her room and saw this photo album lying on her bed. Her pillow was wet and I saw red spots on the sheet. The mirror had been smashed into pieces and there was a post it on her dresser. It said that whoever found it should just get out of the house and drown himself or herself in happiness since they could spend the rest of their lives with one less messed up girl to worry about. This sounded bad. I tried to think about where she might have gone but my mind was spinning to fast for me to process all this in. Tears were streaming down faster than the rain that had started to pour outside. Was she gone? Will this be the only things that would remind me of her? Where was she? Is she okay? Is she still breathing? How can she think about killing herself when she's got so much to live for? I never knew I was her only hope. And I'm sorry. I don't know why I did this to her but if she killed herself because of me, I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself. So instead of doing nothing – for there might still be hope – I tried to think hard about where she might've gone. Then it popped in my head like a bubble. I knew where she was and if I'm not mistaken, she's in that place we called ours during Christmas where we watched the waves crash on the shore below us.
It was a really high cliff that showed a vast view of what I'm guessing is an ocean. She told me that it was beautiful and we stayed there in silence as we held each other's hands. Well of course that was like my pre-idiot days where I did actually care for her. I call those days the best days of my life. I would never have been the same without them. I loved it when I held her in my arms and I loved when I would spend practically the whole day just listening to her talk about what she wanted to do with her life and that's why I just couldn't let her waste her life away. I had to get there and fast.
I got into my car and stepped on it as I drove through the outskirts of town. I only had so much time left before she would be gone. Who knows how long she's been there? It's raining and it's cold. It would be the perfect scene really to attempt suicide, you know with all the dramatic crap. But I wasn't going to let her go through with it. It's irrational and stupid to die because of what I did. But I guess I'm just saying this because I don't want to feel guilty for the rest of my life. Well not only that but I seriously don't want to lose her. Not like this. Not when she has so much ahead of her.
No stoplight prevented me from getting to her any quicker. Luckily, there were no police cars chasing me down. The tears finally stopped as I reached the 'place'. I ran past all the green pastures and didn't care about my car that was parked on the wrong lane. I hopped over logs and ran in the rain trying so hard not to slip and fall on the mud that was on the ground. Once I was on the edge of the cliff, I saw her on the other end. She had blood in her hands coming from her wrists. I never knew she was suicidal. I guess I never really did listen. How could I have been so selfish?
It took every ounce of courage in me not to scream to catch her attention because if I did scream, she would totally jump headfirst into the water. I didn't want that. I didn't want any of this to happen. But it is happening and right now watching her as she watches the waves crash below with blood dripping on the ground, my tears washed away with the guilt that started filling me in. I ran to her and brought her away from the edge. I didn't have that much strength to keep her from screaming. I just held her in my arms as she tried to break away from me. She knew that it was me and she started saying things about how I didn't care and that I was just here to protect myself. I didn't answer or budge. I didn't want to let her go. The rain started to slow and she started to calm herself down but then she started crying and that's when I loosened my grip. I thought she was going to be alright now but I was wrong instead, she got up and ran across the cliff and jumped over the edge.
"Natalie!!" I screamed after her.
I didn't know what else to do so I jumped in after her. It was a long way down and the water was cold. Wait, let me rephrase that. It was freezing. Natalie hit her head on a rock and was going down quick. Luckily, I took swimming lessons as a child or else we'd both be doomed. I took a deep breath before going in after her. She was losing too much blood and the water was slowing me down. I swear I could just die of hypothermia. I grabbed her hand as soon as I reached it and brought her up. I swam to the shore and once we were on land, I carried her all the way up to where my car was. I tried my hardest not to fear her death but I couldn't help it. I kept chanting in my head as I drove to the hospital. I told myself that she was going to be okay and that it was all going to be fine. Time wouldn't slow down no matter how much I wanted it to.
I broke all the road rules possible and had one police car chasing me down but all I did was speed up. The next hospital was now a block away. Once I reached the hospital, I just left my car by the entrance and carried Natalie in my arms as I went into the lobby.
"Somebody help me!" I screamed catching everybody's attention.
Doctors and nurses brought out a crash cart as soon as they saw the girl in my arms, the one who was slowly dying. They rushed her in an emergency room as I broke down crying in the ward. I couldn't do anything that made sense. I didn't call anyone. I didn't speak or tell anyone what happened. But if she dies here in this very hospital, I'm dying with her.