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Vash cut in with his question, narrowing his eyes at his brother and grinning slyly, "When was the last time you had inappropriate relations with yourself?"
Knives shut his mouth and turned his head to glare into his brother's eyes, speaking out of turn:
"When was the last time you had inappropriate relations with yourself?"
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Chapter 25
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Vash jumped up to attack Knives, but at the last moment lost his balance and whacked his head on the table on his way to the floor. Knives laughed at his brother loudly before going back to sipping his drink. Poor Vash slowly made it back to his chair and looked at Knives who was staring him down. Vash tried to remember why he jumped up a second ago, but the hit to his head had jumbled his brains a bit.
As soon as Vash finished recovering himself, they realized it was Milly's turn. By some miracle, Meryl managed to get Milly awake and up off the floor and back to the game at hand.
Truth or Dare…
Milly looked around smiling silly and yelled, "Dare!"
"But Milly," Meryl said confused, "It's your turn to ask the question, not answer it!"
"Dare, dare, dare!" Milly chanted blurrily, grinning ear to ear, and swaying from side to side.
"Oh, alright!" Knives grunted, growing aggravated at the annoying noise coming from the big girl, "I'll recant my last turn and give you a dare…"
Meryl watched Knives cautiously, wondering what horrors he could possibly say.
Knives brought a hand up to his chin, rubbing it in deep thought while staring at the ceiling, before bringing his eyes down to rest on the insurance girls.
He smiled slyly and stated with a perfectly straight face, "I dare… you two human females to kiss."
Vash's eyes went wide.
"…" Meryl was shocked speechless. She shot a glance at Vash as if to say, 'Is he serious?'
Vash misinterpreted her glare and quickly started shaking his head and waving his arms, "Oh no, nono…I didn't have anything to do with this! Not my idea! Notmyidea! I didn't do nothing! Please don't hit me with anything!"
This was certainly an unexpected turn of events. Who would ever have thought that Knives could come up with something so….
"Ok!" Milly said nonchalantly.
"Eh?" Vash and Meryl screeched in unison, taking a double-take at Milly.
"Heh. Heh. Heh." Knives grinned. 'This oughtta get Vash's motor running.'
Vash narrowed his eyes at Knives and turned to look at him, raising a hand as if to scold him.
But, in the blink of an eye, before Vash or Knives or Meryl could react, Milly jumped up, grabbed Meryl, picking her up, pecked her on the cheek, and sat a stunned Meryl back down in her chair before returning to her own seat.
"Yay!" Milly exclaimed happily, as she went back to drinking.
Meryl blinked.
Knives gaped.
Vash turned his head from looking at Knives to looking at Meryl and Milly.
"What happened?" Vash asked.
"Milly completed the dare." Meryl stated unenthusiastically.
Vash blinked, "I missed it?" He said somewhat sadly.
Meryl shot Vash an aghast expression.
"He missed it?" Knives complained.
Vash nodded.
Knives pointed at Meryl and Milly smiling hopefully, "Could you maybe… do a do-over?"
Milly blinked.
"ARGH!" Meryl screech as she attempted to jump over the table and attack Knives.
This time, Vash had to restrain her from getting too close to Knives, but that didn't stop Meryl from grunting with anger while reaching her arms out over the table as far as they would go, making choking gestures in the direction of Knives' neck.
"Well I never…" Knives stated as he shifted in his seat, crossing his legs and taking another sip from his wine-glass.
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It took a while for Meryl to cool down, but once she did, she began formulating her plan of attack.
"Ok, Meryl," Milly said cheerfully, "It's your turn to ask the question."
"Hmmm…" Meryl thought, "What should I do?"
She looked over at Knives and his crazy self. "I could go the obvious route get sweet revenge…"
"Or…" Meryl thought, looking over at Vash, "I could try to use this ridiculous game to get back to why we came here in the first place."
"Vash!" Meryl called out.
Vash twitched slightly, "Yes, insurance girl?" He slurred.
"Truth or dare?" Meryl said hurriedly.
"Uh…tru—"
"Say dare, Vash." She commanded.
"Huh?"
"Say dare!"
"Why?"
"It's important."
Vash looked over at Knives, worried at what dares Meryl might come up with.
"I don't wanna…" Vash whined pathetically.
Meryl grinned playfully, "I'll leave you here to rot" She said in a sing-song tone.
Sniffle. "Dare." Vash relented.
Meryl pointed over Vash's shoulder, "Vash, I dare you to get that old lady over there to fork over her blue lipstick."
"WHAT?" Vash said in confusion, "But…why?"
"I've had enough of this wasting time, Vash" Meryl sighed, "Me and Milly came here to rescue you. In order to do this, we should get back to the plan."
Vash nodded slowly.
"And, in order to complete that plan, we need blue lipstick to make you dead-looking so that you can get out of here in Billy-Bob's-body-bag." Meryl continued.
"And also kitty will pee on you to make you smell bad!" Milly chimed in.
Vash grasped his tummy and looked ill at the comments.
"So, Vash" Meryl gestured, "Go on and get the lady to give you the lipstick."
"But," Vash began, getting up from his chair, "Why would she give it to me?"
"I dunno." Meryl said, shrugging her shoulders, "Pretend you're effeminate or something."
"WHAT?"
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Vash sighed, "Do I have to?"
"It is a dare after all."
Vash summoned his courage and wobbled away from the table, heading over to a couch across the way in which was seated one very old wrinkly woman.
As Vash grew closer, his eyes went wide in recognition—it was the same old woman with triple thick glasses who tried to seduce him, and nearly pulled his arm off during his escape.
"Oh no. Oh no. Oh no." Vash mumbled as he drew closer.
But, this was the only old lady in the immediate vicinity with the sky-so-blue shade o' lipstick, so there would be no escaping this time.
Knives watched curiously at Vash's predicament. He noticed that his brother was shaking. A little old lady causing such fear in his brother? Unacceptable.
Without giving any explanation, Knives got up from his chair and followed Vash, giving only one comment to the insurance girls:
"I'll help." Knives said evilly.
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"You want my lipstick?"
"Yes, ma'am." Vash spoke with caution, his eyes darting nervously all about.
The old lady scowled at him, "Look, sugar," She looked him up and down, "You hott chunk of man, first you run out on me and now you demand my lipstick?"
"Uh…um…" Vash fumbled.
The old lady smiled, causing her face to wrinkle twice as much as before. "How about a compromise…You and I go back to my place, and I'll put on a whole extra gob of my blue lipstick on…just for you." She spoke in a disturbingly sexy voice.
"Eep." Vash squeaked.
"What do you say, sugar?"
"I say…uh" Vash looked at the old woman who was staring at him with hungry eyes as though he were a piece of meat. His mind raced for a reply, "Uh, uh… I'm…I'm already seeing somebody else?"
"Oh, toot!" The woman exclaimed, "How dare you!"
Vash opened his mouth as if to say something, but he was interrupted.
At just that moment, Knives came up behind Vash suddenly, draping his arms around Vash's shoulders and clinging onto him tightly. Knives rested his head on Vash's shoulder and grinned evilly, moving his eyes over to look at Vash's horrified face.
"'How dare you', indeed." Knives stated playfully.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhh!" Vash screamed.
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"How's it going, sweety-kins?" Knives cooed at Vash, hugging him tighter.
"Get off me!" Vash cried.
The old woman started to get the idea.
She sighed sadly, "Oh, I see."
"Nooooooo…" Vash pleaded shaking his head, "You don't see!"
Knives was breathing in his ear.
"Ugh," The old woman complained, "Why…oh why do all the men I want turn out to be—"
"Hey!" Vash exclaimed as Knives grabbed his butt.
Vash quickly swatted his hand away, "Stop it!"
"What's wrong, pumpkin?" Knives smiled creepily, and held out his arms like he wanted a hug.
As Vash attempted to hold Knives-at-bay at arm's length, the old woman offered Vash her lipstick.
Vash watched as she placed it in his hand.
As she began to walk away, Vash cried out, "You don't understand… he's just my brother!"
The old hard-of-hearing woman called out to Vash, on her way down the hall, "I'm sure the lipstick will look great on your lover…it'll match his pretty eyes."
"Ack! I said bro-ther not lov-er!" Vash screamed at the top of his lungs.
Knives smiled at Vash's torment and took advantage of Vash's moment of inattention, to hug him again.
"Ack!" Vash muttered in surprise.
Knives smiled at his brother, "I wuv you" he said with playful sarcasm.
"Knives!" Vash complained sternly, "You're creeping me out!"
Knives laughed maniacally, as he finally let Vash go.
Meryl, watching from afar, was beet red and wide-eyed from the display.
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Another round of truth was completed without incident. And once again it was Meryl's turn. Her mind returned to the incident a few minutes ago, when Knives draped himself all over Vash in order to help the group acquire the lipstick that much quicker.
"Knives."
Meryl was extremely embarrassed to admit to herself that not only did Knives' actions make her somewhat jealous, but seeing the extremely attractive Vash the Stampede and his twin like that actually turned her on! In denial, she chalked up that last bit as being because of all the alcohol.
"Truth or Dare?"
Still, she wished some sweet revenge for what Knives' had dared Milly to do earlier, and Meryl herself was curious…
"Dare."
He's making this too easy, Meryl thought.
"I dare…," Meryl said amused, "I dare… you and Vash to kiss."
She just couldn't help herself.
"Hell, no" came the swift reply simultaneously from both parties.
And in some part of her mind, Meryl was a little disappointed.
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Vash was not amused. After how Knives had scared him for life, Meryl goes and tries to make it worse? Oh, no. Vash decided he would have some fun with his next several turns.
"Meryl, truth or dare?"
"Truth."
"How many boyfriends have you had in your lifetime?"
Meryl scowled at him at his cheap-shot question and downed her glass instead of dignifying him with an answer.
Knives decided to follow Vash's suit with his own, more crude line of questioning.
"Height-deficient human female?"
"Ugh. Truth."
"How many boyfriends have you had in your lifetime?"
Meryl grumbled, and chucked her empty glass at Knives' head—which he easily dodged—before downing another glass to avoid the question.
Milly was starting to loose coherence again as it became her turn. She liked drinking a little too much. Since she lost the ability to form her own thoughts, she decided to ask her question along the lines of Vash's and Knives'.
"Meryl, when was last time got kissy kissy with a boy hehehe?" Milly slurred.
"Ugh." And Meryl downed yet another glass as Milly continued to babble:
"I have 3 separate stomachs, one for sandwiches, one for ice cream, and another one for alcohol, BURP!"
As Meryl was forced to take many drinks, she began to think she was quite drunk. And so, with her next turn, she decided to ask the question that she was afraid to know the answer to.
As Vash answered her call, with 'truth,' she asked him—in not any where near a state that could be called calm, "So how many girlfriends have YOU had in YOUR lifetime, total. Huh?"
She was starting to lose her usual emotional composer and was starting to get a little too invested in the questioning.
Vash was a little surprised by the question. He looked at Meryl worried. She sure was acting strangely. Plus at the moment, Meryl was making a weird face.
Vash paused to think. He was taking a little too long for Meryl's tastes—way too long. Meryl took another drink—like that's a smart idea. She began to see things that weren't there. Meryl looked at Vash's expression and all she could read into it was:
"Oh look at him…he has to count, I bet he's adding them all up in his head. So many girlfriends…way too many women…so many others…taking him away from me…hiccup!"
By this point Meryl figured that she had had so many drinks that she must be blitzed enough out of her head to spill her guts to Vash about how she feels about him. "Why not?" she figured.
And, for a while, there was a long pause of silence in which Meryl downed 2 more glasses of beer.
"Well…I dunno…" Vash said slowly as he attempted an answer to Meryl's truth question.
To say that he was quite shocked when a crazy-eyed Meryl suddenly leapt from her seat onto his lap and grasped him around the chest was an understatement.
Vash didn't even have a chance to voice a "Huh?" before Meryl—
"GIVE ME YO' BABIES!" She screamed in a slurred manner, tugging at Vash's shirt.
"…"
"I want yo' babies! Give me your babies!" Meryl started shaking him by the collar of his pajamas.
Vash could only gape at her in pure shock.
Milly was also at a loss for words.
But Knives…oh Knives, is never at a loss for words.
"What are you waiting for man?" Knives pointed at Meryl, "Give her your babies." He said while making quote signs with his hands.
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Vash blushed profusely at Meryl's outburst before turning to roll his eyes at Knives's rude statement before looking again at Meryl who seemed to have passed out and was currently drooling on his pajamas.
Milly, who came over to help remove Meryl from Vash's lap, ended up just sending Meryl falling to the floor.
Thud.
"Ow…" Meryl managed sleepily.
Knives leaned back and took another sip of beer from his wine glass.
Vash hiccupped and burped. He took a moment to survey the slurry of empty glasses on the table—many of them recently downed by Meryl.
Some old guy happened to pass by the group's table.
He takes a look at Meryl, sprawled out in the floor.
"What's going on here?" the bald wrinkled man asked, adjusting his glasses.
"She's had a few too many, I think." Vash replied.
The man blinked.
"What are you talking about?"
The old man looked at their curious faces.
"You do know that this is non-alcoholic alcohol, right?"
"…WHAT did you say?" Vash exclaimed, suddenly sitting straight up in his chair.
Knives snickered as he simply smiled knowingly while sipping his glass.
"The drinks are non-alcoholic." The man laughed, "They ain't crazy enough to give REAL alcohol to senior citizens, don't ya know!"
"WHAT?" Meryl suddenly bolted up off of the floor, perfectly sober—which was news to her.
"Hmmm?" Milly tilted her empty glass upside down and peered into it curiously. She pouted slightly.
"I can't believe this!" Meryl shouted, pulling herself together, "I can't believe—"
Suddenly her eyes met Vash's and she remembered her "drunken" statements to him moments earlier.
Meryl closed her eyes and muttered, "Someone…please…just kill me now."
"I'd love to." Knives said matter-of-factly, sipping away at non-alcoholic beer in a wine glass.
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To Be CONCLUDED
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How will it all end? Shall Vash finally taste freedom and donuts? And what of Knives? What is going on with Milly? And, will Meryl get what she wants? Will these questions truly be the last ever asked?
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Review Please! I appreciate all my reviews! Thank you all so much!
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Author's Commentary:
Ch.14. I always wanted to do my version of how Vash and Knives got their names. Gerald just seemed like an average yet inexplicably humorous name for an imaginary friend. I randomly came up with the worshiping Knives' as a god thing. It's even funnier to me that after writing those chapters I read one of the manga volumes that mentioned that some humans worshiped the Plants. Huh.
Ch.15. Knives, god of sexiness and cool things. Cool things because I could think of nothing…cooler? Heh. I dunno.
Ch.16. The barbeque reference has to do with one of my other fics in which Knives decided to eat and barbeque humans. The poor Thomases sure get eaten a lot. "One two blowup my shoe" is a filk from one of my other fics. Oh, dear. Knives plan. I think that the whole second half of this fic was written just so that Knives could say that line to Vash at the end of this chapter.
Ch.17. Knives plan. I was surprised by how some people didn't get how horrific it would be for Vash. Not only is it bad because of the multiple counts of incest involved but their children would end up pretty stupid due to the genetics of it all. Also, when Knives said all the females he meant all of them. And not all of them are going to willingly get with Vash. You catch my drift? Very, very bad stuff. And the gate? Wizard of Oz reference.
Ch.18. This chapter was written in kind of a hurry. Knives' dreaming was inserted to add more humor.
Ch.19. I came up with the chapter title, which then led to said chapter. Ah, nekkid Vash. They serve corndogs and tater tots far too often at college.
Ch.20. The females nurses are all in love with Knives because he is the hottest "old man" they have ever seen. I bet you wanna know what went on during his spongebath. Heh. Heh. I'm sure you can guess.
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