She had to reach him.

She was running, trying to draw her breath as she pushed her legs to move faster. It was as if she was running underwater, something was holding her back and making her move at a snail's pace. She fought against it, pushing harder and harder.

She had to save the boy.

He was all that mattered now.

"Shepard."

She heard the first whisper, and felt the breath in her throat catch. The familiar female voice whispered through the air around her.

Shaking her head, she pushed on. She had almost reached the running boy. She reached a hand out, and just as she almost grabbed him, a red light flashed above and she heard another whisper and the boy was gone.

"That won't happen. Go get him, Commander. I'll see you all when you get back."

Ashley's voice in her ears, Shepard tried to take a deep breath and failed, her lungs burning from the effort to get past the shadows lingering in the corners of her vision.

"Shepard."

Another voice, another whisper.

She ran, trying to move faster still. Trying to reach the boy before he moved again. Another flash of light, and he darted away.

"It had to be me. Someone else might have gotten it wrong."

Her head snapped to the side, trying to see through the shadows. Instead, she just saw the boy, still running ahead.

"Shepard."

A lump rose in her throat, threatening to block her breath.

"I'm sorry." She whispered back, fighting through the shadows to keep running.

"Kalahira, mistress of inscrutable depths, I ask forgiveness…"

"I'm sorry." She repeated, begging with all of her heart for the forgiveness the voice was praying for.

Forgiveness for all the pain she had caused.

"Shepard."

"No." She heard herself to respond to that voice.

Not him, not here.

Everyone else, she knew why they haunted her dreams.

"I like to expect the worst. There's a small chance I'll be pleasantly surprised."

"No." She said louder, her voice cracking.

Not Garrus.

"I'll wait for you, Shepard."

He wasn't gone. She hadn't gotten him killed, like she had everyone else.

"And when you get out, I'll be there, still waiting."

"No!"

"Shepard!"

"NO!" She screamed, as loud as she could at the shadows that spoke with Garrus' voice. And when she heard another "Shepard!" in her ear, she awoke with a start, sitting straight in the chair, swinging at the hands she felt on her arms.

"Shepard, it's me. You're all right. I'm here, you're okay."

She tried to breathe, and fight away the pressure she felt on her chest. Pushing away from the hands, she tried to move away and ended up falling off the chair and hitting the floor hard on her back.

Only when pain shot up the arm she landed on did she realize where she was.

Lying on her back on the cold floor, Shepard stared at the ceiling, trying to calm her breathing and stop herself from throwing up. Garrus appeared in her vision, leaning over her with his eyebrow plates furrowed heavily. "Shepard, are you hurt?" His voice was worried, but he didn't try to touch her again.

"I-I'm okay." Her voice faltered as she felt the soreness in her throat. How long had she been yelling before Garrus had managed to wake her up? She reached a shaky hand up to brush the hair from her eyes, and felt how clammy her skin was. She was drenched in sweat, her t-shirt was sticking to her back.

Shepard pushed herself up, folding her legs under her to sit. She lowered her head into her hands, still trying to calm her breathing.

It hadn't been real. Garrus was fine, he was right here in the same room as her and he was fine.

Unlike Ashley. Or Mordin.

Or Thane.

She felt a wave of nausea as she thought about Thane. Thane being stabbed, chasing after her to try to help stop the assassin, thanking her for the visits that had been too few and too far-between, begging his gods for forgiveness for the bloodshed Shepard had caused in her life.

Thane dying, his hand gripping hers, gasping for his last breath.

Shepard felt herself gasping for air and wondered if that was how Thane had felt, when he had been trying so hard to breathe. Her breaths came in shorter and shorter gasps, and she could barely feel the rough hands on her arms, shaking her, trying to get her attention.

"Shepard, look at me!" Garrus' voice sounded loud in her ears, and she jerked her head up. There were little dots dancing around the corners of her vision, and her chest was heaving. She couldn't draw a full breath, she felt as if that walls themselves were closing in on her.

She grabbed Garrus' arms with her shaking hands, pleading with him with her eyes, trying to force him to understand. "I-I can't breathe." She finally managed to get out.

Garrus' heart had sank when he looked up from his omni-tool to see Shepard moving and muttering in her sleep. He had fully expected the nightmares to return, after witnessing Thane's death, and they had. In full force. At least she had managed to get a good five hours of sleep before they started.

It had taken him longer than he liked to get her awake, and she had fought against his touch until she fell out of her chair. He felt relieved when she finally answered him, saying she was okay, but that was short-lived. After a few moments, she sat up, and he could tell from the look on her face that she was far from okay.

She was pale, except for her flushed cheeks, and she was visibly sweating. When she lowered her head in her hands, he saw that they were trembling. And then he heard her breathing rate increase until she was gasping for breath, clutching a hand to her chest.

He reached forward and gripped her arms, shaking her gently and calling her name, but she seemed unable to hear him. Finally he moved his face close to hers and nearly shouted, "Shepard, look at me!" and her head snapped up.

Her eyes were nearly black, her pupils were so dilated. She looked terrified as she reached her own shaking hands out to grasp his forearms. "I- I can't breathe." She managed to get the words out, but it seemed to take a lot of effort.

His heart clenched in fear. What was wrong with her? How could he help? She was staring at him, her eyes wide, her breaths still coming in short gasps. He didn't know how to help her, and he felt helpless.

The door opened to the life support room, and Liara ran in. "Shepard, I heard you yelling, what's-" She stopped at the sight, fear spreading across her face.

"Get Dr. Chakwas." Garrus asserted, trying to keep his tone calm as to not alarm Shepard further. He looked down at Shepard, his hand moving to try and rub some warmth into her face, and he noticed Liara still in the doorway. "Now, Liara!"

The asari bolted from the room, and returned within minutes with the doctor. Dr. Chakwas' mouth was set in a grim line, and she waved at Garrus to move away as she knelt in front of Shepard. "Shepard, can you hear me?" She asked, her voice calm but stern.

Shepard lifted her face to look at the doctor, one of her hands still gripping Garrus' arm. "I can't-" Her breathing was still far too fast, she was barely able to form words.

"She woke up from a nightmare and suddenly said she couldn't breathe." Garrus spoke quickly, watching Shepard closely.

Dr. Chakwas pulled up her omni-tool and scanned Shepard, a frown on her face. "Her O2 levels are high, she's hyperventilating." She leaned forward, speaking slower and clearly. "Shepard, listen to me. You need to breathe deeply."

"I c-cant." Was the short response.

"Yes, you can. Breathe in." Garrus watched as Shepard attempted to slow her breathing. It wasn't working, and he was getting more alarmed by the minute.

"Shepard, breathe in." Dr. Chakwas' voice was loud and stern as she repeated the order. Finally, Shepard managed to draw in one long breath, and the doctor nodded. "Now breathe out."

It took several more minutes, and several more tries of Dr. Chakwas repeating herself in different ways, until Shepard began breathing in sync with her commands. After a few minutes of slowed breathing, Garrus noticed that Shepard's pupils weren't as large, and some of the colour was returning to her face that had grown so pale.

"Are you feeling better, Shepard?"

She nodded, her hands shaking on Garrus' arm. "Y-yes. Thank you, Dr. Chakwas."

"Try to remember those breathing techniques I showed you, Shepard." Dr. Chakwas flipped through a hologram on her omni-tool. "I forwarded a diagram to your omni-tool last time this happened. I'm forwarding it again, I suggest you read it." The woman stood and headed for the door.

Shepard nodded again, removing her hand from Garrus' arm, to draw her palm over her face to push back her hair. Dr. Chakwas and Liara left, leaving Garrus and Shepard still seated on the floor.

"What did she mean, last time this happened?" Garrus asked, watching Shepard closely to confirm that her breaths were long and deep.

She moved her hand from her face and leaned against the chair she had toppled when she fell upon waking. "It's a… panic attack." She swallowed, reaching up to massage her throat. "I've had a few."

Knowing how Shepard tended to minimize things that happened to her, Garrus narrowed his eyes. "How many are 'a few'? And why didn't you tell me?"

"A few." She repeated, moving to stand up. Garrus quickly stood and leaned down to help. Shepard was shaking, and he didn't trust her to walk on her own. "And there was no reason to make you worry about something that might have never happened again. Christ, why are the lights so bright in here?"

Garrus bit back his frustration, forcing himself not to say the words he wanted to. He knew Shepard was trying to save him from worry, but being shut out of that part of her life hurt. "When was the last time this happened?"

"Before we went to Tuchanka." She responded readily, pulling away from him to adjust her hoodie that had twisted around in her sleep. "It wasn't as bad, I was able to stop it before it got as far as this one. You walked in as I was calming down." At his blank look, she continued. "In the war room, right before we left."

He remembered the look on her face that time, how pale she was and how dark her eyes had looked. He had even recognized it right after Thane had been injured, how Shepard had shown the same symptoms. He could have kicked himself for not having taken the time to find out what was wrong with her either of those times.

"Do you think you can sleep?" He asked, reading the tiredness in her face now that the crisis had passed.

"No," She responded immediately. "My head is killing me and I feel like I'm going to throw up if the room doesn't slow down its spinning."

"A fourth of a bottle of asari hard liquor will do that." Garrus leaned over to pick up the topped chair, righting it, and then pushed lightly on Shepard's arm until she sank down into it. "Stay here, I'll be right back."

He left the room and walked the short distance to the dining area. Finding a water flask, he grabbed that and a spare chair and made his way back to life support. He partially dimmed the lights as he walked in before setting the chair next to Shepard's, and pushed the water flask into her hand. "Drink, it'll help the headache."

She downed the water and propped her chin in her hands, staring across the table at the empty chair. "I need to apologize to Joker." She said, her voice carrying a slight tremble. "And to you."

Garrus reached a hand and rubbed the tense muscles in her neck. "You don't have to apologize, Shepard. Today was a bad day, Joker and I both know that."

Shepard didn't respond, she stayed quiet for a long time as Garrus continued to knead the back of her neck.

Eventually, she spoke with a voice so soft he almost missed her words. "I'm really going to miss him, Garrus."

He stared at the empty chair and thought of all the times he had sat in this room talking to Thane. The stories they had swapped, the battle plans they had shared, even good-natured arguments over the best ways to handle the weapon types they preferred. He tilted his head to the side so he could rest it on the top of Shepard's.

"I know, Shepard. So will I."

Shepard had asked to add Thane's name to the memorial wall herself.

She stood, in her battle armor, and looked at the wall. She made herself read every name on the wall, her heart clenching tighter with every line. She closed her eyes for a moment when she saw the shiny, newer plaque that bore 'Mordin Solus' on it, but she continued.

She was reminding herself why she fought. Why she didn't give in to the agonizing pain and despair that threatened to choke her when she let down her guard. Why she didn't down a bottle of liquor and leap out the nearest airlock, to join Thane in the blissful peace she was hoping he had found in the afterlife.

She was fighting to keep other names off this wall.

And she would keep fighting, because the nightmares that had haunted her for weeks on end could never come true. No matter how many times she dreamed of his accusing whispers, Garrus' name could never become a part of this wall. She would never let that happen.

Stepping forward, away from Garrus, Joker, Liara, EDI, and all the others who had known Thane and gathered for this moment, Shepard looked down at the piece of metal she was holding.

Thane Krios

He had been one of her best friends, second only to Garrus, and she had loved him dearly.

As she pressed the plaque to the wall and stepped back, her breath caught in her throat as she fought to keep her hands from trembling. She had heard from Anderson who it was that had killed Thane.

Kai Leng.

She would find the assassin, and she would end his life with her own hands.

Thane had prayed, with his final breath, that Shepard be forgiven and her sins be washed from her. He had believed that her heart was pure, deep down.

Shepard wasn't sure if she believed that anymore, if she ever had.

Garrus screwed the lid back on a bottle of levo alcohol, setting it back underneath the counter. Joker pushed a few glasses his way, across the bar, and Garrus tossed them in the bin on the floor. "Giving Shepard another excuse to drink wasn't the best idea you've ever had, Joker."

The pilot had the grace to look guilty as he turned his head to glance at Shepard, who was stretched out on the couch, asleep. "I know, but I felt like we needed to so something to honor Thane's memory. And sitting around getting shit-faced while telling stories about him seemed like the thing to do.

Garrus shook his head, looking around the lounge. Any evidence of the raucous drinking that had taken place over the past few hours was already gone. He hadn't felt much like drinking himself, and had only sipped on one shot of turian brandy throughout the night. So it had fallen to him and Joker to take care of clean-up.

"We can't let her self-destruct, Garrus." Joker finally said, breaking the silence. "She has to survive this war."

"She will." Garrus answered automatically, wiping off the bar after it was cleared. "And once the Reapers are dead and she has a house, kids, and some time to rest, then you'll be allowed to bring over all the booze you want."

"And what about you?"

"I'll even bring my own bottle to celebrate."

"Huh." Joker replied, sounding thoughtful. "And here I thought you'd be watching you and Shepard's kids while we got drunk off our asses."

Garrus was able to hide his surprise at Joker's statement, but it was especially difficult since it was true. When he off-handedly mentioned Shepard's future, he only imagined it with himself as a part of it. Their house, their kids, their time to rest. "Well," he shrugged, taking a sip of his brandy. "who knows. I won't be Expert Reaper Advisor Vakarian forever."

"Oh come on, man." Joker said, setting his own drink down, "You two have got to get this shit sorted out. You guys have been together for ages. Are you really still in that 'I like you, do you like me?' stage?" He paused for a second before adding, "I heard about that thing with the dining table, remember. You can't possibly have not progressed since then."

"Oh, we've progressed alright. We just don't talk about it." Garrus looked over at Shepard, her back rising and falling as she slept. "It seems like there's always too much to do to sit down and discuss exactly what we are. I keep waiting for things to settle down, but hell, I don't even know what I would say if I had the chance."

"You're so tight-lipped about this. Is it against turian culture to confess your love for someone?"

"The last time I brought up our relationship, pressing Shepard for her to tell me what she thought of 'us' as, she froze." Garrus admitted, remembering the morning after he had asked Shepard if she and James had been involved. "She avoided the question. So now I'm just trying to wait until she's comfortable enough with… whatever we are to talk about it."

"Maybe you should just tell her how you feel." Joker offered, a serious undertone to his voice. "Or ask her how she feels. If Shepard is too skittish to bring it up, you'll eventually have to."

Garrus contemplated Joker's suggestion, his mind running through possible scenarios. "So… how exactly do humans go about setting up the right mood to have a discussion like that?"

"Well, you could always take five steps towards that couch, wake her up, and just ask her."

"Joker."

"Fine, fine. I'll find some vids and send you the links."