Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, just this lovely plotline and such.

Note: I know that in HPB, Draco mends the Vanishing Cabinet, but for my purposes, it is still broken.

PS Note: this is it. The chapter I have been itching to write for so LONG. Please, enjoy it as much as I do =)

Still So Close to You
by darkwing731
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((-Chapter Twenty Six-))
Hermione's Return

"No! NO!"

Suddenly, Hermione wrenched herself from the Death Eater's grasp and threw herself back down the stairs, injuring her body as she went, though she knew it was worth it. She blinked stars back from her vision as she clung to the bars with all of her might. Her friends were quick to latch themselves onto her as well, unwilling to let her go.

They were screaming in terror, but all Hermione could say was "I love you, I love you" to each one of her friends. Soon, her words became unintelligible as they were accompanied by sobs, and new screams as two Death Eaters dragged her all the way up the stairs, flinging her into the arms of fate.

"Remus!"

Tears blurred the vision of Death Eaters looming above her, sobs distorted the cruel words they said against her, and the breaking of her heart distracted her from the curses they chose to use on her.

Nothing mattered anymore. Not Voldemort, not the Malfoys, not the Order, not even the danger she was surely in. She had been dragged away from what made her heart whole, what delivered life and love into her body, what had made her complete in the world. The people she had been taken from would never, ever be in her life again as wonderfully as they had moments before, and the devastating tragedy was too great to allow her to focus on the jeering Death Eaters above her.

"Get up, Mudblood," they growled at her. But Hermione was deaf to their harsh threats, for she was consumed with the loss that was to come in moments, the loss that she had been denying for several months in fear of this tragic heartbreak.

As they seized her by the elbow and dragged her up off the floor, Hermione's body began to take on a weightless sort of feeling. Through her tears, she saw a light, growing stronger and brighter with each pulse of her racing heart. It did not matter that the Death Eaters threw her against the nearest wall, it did not matter that their feet lashed out at her defenseless body. The light, blinding and yet terribly beautiful, washed everything unpleasant away.

Hermione looked up at the throng of Death Eaters around her, hearing nothing, but sensing an odd, echoing feeling that must have been their furious snarls at her disobedience. As the light began to consume her surroundings, and finally Hermione itself, she had a singular, fleeting thought.

At least I will have Remus. . .

-x-x-x-

Harry and Ron were sprinting as fast as they could to the Gryffindor Tower. Both hearts were racing in the chests of the Gryffindors, although one was from panic, and the other a dreadful fear. The two boys disregarded curious questions as to their odd behavior, and ignored offended looks from students and teachers as they sped through the corridors.

After what seemed to be an eternity of running, Harry and Ron finally made it to their dormitory, snatching the Marauder's Map from his trunk. The two boys, heaving for breath, ripped open the map, muttered the correct words, and began to search for Hermione's dot. It was a minute or two before either one of them spotted anything.

"Look!" Ron exclaimed. "She's leaving Lupin's classroom, and running . . . Harry, do you think she just left to snitch on us?"

"No," Harry said in a low voice. "You heard her scream. That wasn't from any old spider or anything. Where is she going? Blimey, she's running fast." They watched in a curious silence as Hermione's dot fled across Hogwarts.

"Is she . . . going to Dumbledore's office?" Ron proposed.

"Yeah, I think so," Harry murmured, watching as Hermione's dot paused and then began to finish its path to the Headmaster's office.

"We should go wait for her," Ron decided. "I want to know what the bloody hell made her scream."

All the way down to the Headmaster's office, the two boys argued over what could have stricken their best with such terror. Ron argued that it probably was a spider, because Madam Pince would not have allowed anyone to attack her so loudly in the library. And, Harry added, if someone had attacked Hermione, she was powerful enough to set them right.

As they finally reached the stoic stone gargoyle, it was slowly opening for the departure of someone else. Harry, relieved to see Hermione at last, let out of a sigh of relief. Ron's heart simply skipped a beat. But any sort of comfort they felt was immediately stolen from them when they saw Hermione's face. The girl was as white as a sheet, trembling from head to toe, and Hermione's face was puffy with tears; she looked as if she was about to crumple at any given moment. She did not see them as she carefully and slowly descended the final steps.

"Hermione?" Harry asked tentatively. "Are you alright?"

The Head Girl looked up, and for a second, Hermione's face with the epitome of joy, of hope as she searched Harry's face. Then, just as quickly, the euphoria vanished, replaced by a forlorn look. She stopped at the final step, saying nothing, but staring into Harry's face, lip quivering.

"Hermione?" asked Ron, taking a careful step towards her. Her head snapped at the sound of his voice, and without further ado, she burst into tears and fled past them, her heaving sobs echoing through the corridor.

"W-What—?" Ron spluttered.

"Should we follow her?" Harry asked after a moment. Ron gave him a distraught look.

"Do you want to deal with that? Because you know we aren't going to get anywhere with her crying like a banshee."

"That's true, I suppose . . ."

But the boys did check the map, and after making sure that Hermione was safely back in Gryffindor tower, they slowly made their way back to the tower as well, wondering what on earth had Hermione troubled so much.

-x-x-x-

There was nothing but blackness. Nothing at first, until blackness was accompanied by a painful throbbing in her head. Then, there was the pulsing ache throughout her arm, as it was twisted at a strange angle. Then, there came the realization that her body was cramped up, bent and stuffed into a small space.

With a pained groan, Hermione twisted around, pushing and pulling, until her hand unlatched something and she went tumbling out of her prison and into daylight. Rubbing her eyes, she blinked and saw that she was half sprawled out on the floor, while the other half of her was still in the Vanishing Cabinet.

Her bag and books were also splayed across the ground, and noting how much her body resisted, Hermione stood and collected her things. She tried to focus solely on how she felt physically, tried to repeat and reiterate all of the books that she had with her, tried to do anything to ignore the severe loss she had just undergone.

For she, Hermione Granger, had just lost the people most dear to her. Lily, with her flaming red hair and her sense of sisterly duty; James, with his mischievous ways and soft-sided demeanor; Sirius, his need for laughter, but his tremendous loyalty, and even Peter, wanting nothing more than for everyone to be happy and safe.

Remus Lupin was a different story: of all of her friends, she loved him the most, and was incredibly grateful that he could still be in her life. Of all her lost and now dead friends, he would be the anchor, the deciding factor that all of these precious memories were tangible and meaningful.

Without thinking, her feet brought her in the direction of Remus' office. With each step, her heart began to hammer, jumping up into her throat. Her stomach began to twist up uncomfortably, almost to the point that she was nauseous. But no matter how breathless or terrified she felt, she forced her fisted hand to rap quietly on the classroom door of Remus Lupin.

There was a noise of shuffling papers, footsteps, before the door opened and Hermione felt herself melt with relief. Remus stood before her, looking pleasantly at her. "Hermione!"

"Hi," she said sheepishly in return. "May I come in?"

"Certainly," he said, standing back to let her through. She put her things down on the nearest desk and turned to him, trying desperately to contain her overjoyed smile. Remus sat on the edge of his desk. He looked lined with age, weathered, with grey streaks in his hair. "What can I do for you?"

"Well," Hermione started, twisted her fingers anxiously, grinning. "I'm back. I didn't actually think I would ever be back here."

Remus gave her a strange look. "Back?" he repeated.

"Yes," she said, eyes narrowed with confused. "You know what I'm talking about, Remus."

Remus spluttered. "Hermione, I do not think we're on a personal enough level for you to call me that. I don't mean to sound so rude, but please, I am Professor Lupin to you."

"What?" Hermione whispered, her eyes suddenly wide.

Professor Lupin noticed the way Hermione's face suddenly drained of color. "Are you alright?"

This can't be happening, this can't be happening . . .

"D-Don't you remember? Don't you remember us?"

"Hermione, I don't understand," answered Lupin cautiously, noting how hysteria and panic was creeping onto Hermione's face.

"Y-You said you would never leave me . . . You s-said it wouldn't matter how old you were!" Hermione stuttered, reaching blinding for a chair as lovely memories flashed before her eyes: she and Remus, together in bed, holding one another closely; Remus whispering that he loved her; her and Remus holding hands and laughing; the first time they ever kissed, that cold night on Christmas.

Professor Lupin looked alarmed at her words, but nonetheless approached Hermione's trembling body cautiously. "Hermione, I don't know what you're talking about. Please, take a deep breath and calm down."

"Jane Lewis!" Hermione screamed at him, suddenly flinging herself out of the chair and grabbing fistfuls of hair in desperation. "A-And James and Lily and Sirius and Peter! And the Illimni! And Lucius Malfoy! Why don't you remember anything?"

Very slowly, as if examining every letter of his words, Lupin said, "All of those people were in my life at some point, I remember them. I don't understand what you're trying to say."

"I was Jane Lewis!" Hermione shouted, eyes brimming with tears of frustration, standing up.

Professor Lupin looked taken aback. "That is impossible, Hermione. How can you be someone who lived decades ago?"

"Because you sent me back into the past! Why are you doing this, Remus!" she bawled as he shook his head, her body now succumbing to the tears of confusion she had been holding back. She dug around furiously in her bag, and once she found what she was looking for, she threw the Book of Mischief at Remus, who caught it, looking startled. "You put a Time Charm on the thirteenth page!"

As she said this, Professor Lupin was slowly flipping through the pages, imbibing all the information that he could, reliving the memories he and his friends had recorded. Then, he stopped at the thirteenth page and looked it over cautiously.

"This charm was invented to throw someone 19 minutes into the past, Miss Granger," Lupin said quietly. "And it was James' idea to add a Delirium Charm onto it, so that the victim caught by this charm would end up hallucinating."

All the blood in her veins froze; her heart, which had been hammering with fear and confusion, simply stopped in her chest. "No," was all she could utter, although it was barely audible.

"I'm—I'm sorry," the Professor said, looking pained, but sincerely apologetic.

"It was real!" Hermione insisted. "I was there from December to July of your seventh year! I was best friends with Lily! And—And—"

"Please calm down!" the Professor urged, sensing that Hermione was on the brink of hysteria. She glared at him for suggesting such a thing; he beckoned to the chair next to her. "Sit. I will go fetch you some Calming Draught, I fortunately have some in my office."

After making sure Hermione did indeed sit, the Professor hastily went to his office. For the next several minutes, Hermione could do nothing but inhale jagged breaths and impatiently wipe away tears from her face as she desperately sought an answer that would prove this mystery. There was absolutely no way that Remus could be telling the truth. The last several months of her life had been so vivid, so scarring, and so emotional, that being the result of a hallucination was preposterous.

She stared out the window, thinking desperately for a solution, noting subconsciously the beautiful sunset, and the silhouette of an owl that flew across it.

Then, the answer occurred to her.

Remus came out of his office, looking hurried and anxious, but holding a large goblet in his hands. He presented it to Hermione, who gave him a scathing look and refused the drink. By now, she had calmed herself down and was ready to fight him with cool logic.

"I know it was real. I know you're lying to me," she growled in a low voice. "It's because of what Pansy said, right before she left. You heard her as well as I did. But you promised to stand by me no matter your age."

"Hermione, I will always be here for you, just not in the way you believe!" the professor exclaimed, looking as if he wanted to reach out and comforting the wounded student in front of him. "I can be your mentor, and your friend, but I can only be those things."

"You promised," Hermione repeated in a fierce whisper. "And so did Sirius, and Lily and James, and even Peter. I'm sure if they were alive, they would not pretend to be so blind."

"My friends are dead and gone," Remus said softly. "If they were alive, I'm sure they would have thought highly of their son's best friend."

"How can you do this to me?" Hermione croaked, her lip beginning to tremble. "You said—"

"I did not say anything," Remus interjected quietly. "Whatever happened in your hallucination, it was not—"

"You told me you loved me! You told me you would never leave me!"

"I'm sorry for whatever you think happened, Hermione," Remus murmured again. "But they were just dreams, and nothing else."

At this, Hermione threw herself out of the chair, knocking over the desk and spilling the Calming Draught. "Dumbledore will reveal you, Remus! He will not stand by and let you break my heart like this! Dumbledore will acknowledge what happened!" With that, she fled from Lupin's classroom, tears streaming down her face. Left alone in the spiraling silence, Remus simply buried his face in his hands.

She had never moved faster in all of her life, but every single one of Hermione's muscles screamed for proof that would allow her to be with Remus again. The stone gargoyle was bombarded with passwords, and when he finally began to move, he could not move fast enough for Hermione's urgent, fleeting footsteps. She pounded on Dumbledore's door, and was not sure which was louder: her furious knocking, or her hammering heart. Finally, Dumbledore's soft voice allowed her entrance, and she flung herself into his office.

"Professor—" she said breathlessly. She fell into a seat and panted, watching him fold away a letter than he had just been reading.

"How are you, Miss Granger? It seems you are out of breath," Dumbledore pointed out, rather redundantly, but she could not help but smile slightly.

"Yes, well, I've just run across the castle to get here, so you can imagine," Hermione said, before being introduced to a coughing fit. As she recovered, she said, "I've just arrived back from 1979, and I've come to deliver the letter."

"Excuse me?" Dumbledore asked politely. "I must have misheard you."

Hermione stared at the headmaster, stunned into a shocked silence. "No, you heard me right. I said I was back from 1979."

Dumbledore regarded her for a moment, and she felt as if she was being x-rayed by his blue eyes. "I do not quite understand, Miss Granger."

Gaping for a moment, Hermione rushed to ask, "Does the name Jane Lewis mean anything to you?"

"Many years ago I had a student named Jane Lewis; she was a Gryffindor alongside Professor Lupin, in fact," Dumbledore answered, looking slightly confused but supplying her with the information nonetheless.

"That was me," Hermione stated. "Me. The Marauders sent me back in time, and . . . and you gave me that name, Professor! And you told me to come deliver a letter to your past self as soon as I returned to my present time!"

"Miss Granger, did you, by any chance, read a small book called the Book of Mischief?"

"It sent me back in time!" Hermione cried, seizing her hair in frustration once more as her world began to crumble around her. "19 years! With Remus! And James, and Lily, and Sirius, and Peter!"

"Miss Granger, are you aware that the book held a Time Charm that was interwoven, quite badly, may I add, with a Delirium Charm?"

"No!" Hermione bellowed. "That is not true!"

This can't be happening, this can't be happening . . .

"Professor Lupin's friends were quite mischievous in their day. The Book of Mischief was created to amuse them," Dumbledore continued gently, almost reluctantly through Hermione's mutterings of denial. "It was not, however, created to harm anyone."

"Well, it's too late for that," Hermione sniffed angrily. "Whatever it was that was in that book destroyed my heart, Professor. I had a life with them! I loved each and every one of them! And they all promised to care for me even if they were tremendously older. And the only one who can stick to that promise is Remus Lupin, and he denies me! He denies the past that happened! He denies ever loving me!"

"I am deeply sorry, Hermione," Dumbledore said in a quiet voice. Hermione clamped her eyes shut and chanted to herself that this was the true delirium. Dumbledore, shuffling papers around on his desk, murmured, "It pains me to see that they have wounded you in some way, but it pains me more to see your heart broken."

Hermione looked up at the Headmaster, and saw that tears were trickling down his face and hitting the parchment he was holding in his hands. Then, he sighed, shaking his head. "Whatever loveliness you dreamt was just a dream. I am very sorry."

Before she control herself, she was overwhelmed by tears of the devastating realization that the greatest moments of her life, that the most precious and incredible people she had ever met, sprang from a wonderful and terrible hallucination. Her love for Remus Lupin was null and void, although the mere thought of him brought forth a blossoming of happiness within her chest, now it was stained with the reality of the situation.

As she left, Hermione trembled with the knowledge that she would have to build her life anew, move on from the tragedy and loss that was Lily, James, Sirius, Peter, and Remus. She blanched with the thought of having to see her beloved every day, having to look into his eyes without seeing the mirrored love that was so often present.

The gargoyle that blocked the exit slowly spun to let her free; she stared at her feet, wanting nothing more than to disappear into oblivion so she could face her humiliation and pain alone. But then—

"Hermione?"

That voice. So familiar, so welcoming, so kind and loving. Hermione's heart leapt up in joy as she raised her eyes to stare at James Potter's face. As always, he looked concerned for Hermione's state of being, wanting nothing more than to help her feel better. She searched his face for some sort of answer, and her smile vanished as she noticed James' vividly green eyes.

"Are you alright?" asked James again. Those eyes were the blocks of cement that dragged her heart to the very bottom of the ocean. She continued to stare into James' face, hoping, praying, that he could blink and his eyes would be hazel once again, and Hermione could breathe a sigh of relief.

"Hermione?" asked another voice. Her head whipped around and looked into the face of Ron Weasley.

Whatever loveliness you dreamt was just a dream . . .

Hermione Granger, was, in fact, back in 1998. She burst into tears and fled past them, knowing that she could never begin to explain how the Book of Mischief had destroyed her life.

-x-x-x-

"Does anyone know what's going on with Hermione?" Ginny asked Harry and Ron one day at breakfast. Hermione had not joined them, but then again, it was not a surprise; when Ginny had woken Hermione that morning, the Head Girl simply stared at her friend, as if searching for something, but then burst into tears.

"She's been acting strange since yesterday," Ron said through a mouthful of food. "The three of us were in the library, and we split up. And then we heard her scream, and then we couldn't find her. . ."

"We looked on the Map," Harry took over. "And she was running from Lupin's office, to Dumbledore's, and then when we met up with her, she just started crying and ran away."

"I hate it when she does that," Ginny muttered, selecting some bacon for her plate.

But this dreaded behavior did not just continue for days, it continued for weeks. During meals, Hermione would keep rather silent, staring only at her plate; during classes, she would work feverishly, throwing herself into the lesson (unless it was Defense Against the Dark Arts, in which she would always keep her head bowed); during any free time the four friends had, Hermione would whisk herself off the library, engrossing herself in work.

There was a day during Defense Against the Dark Arts in which Hermione stayed alone after class. When the students had finally filed out, Hermione ushered Harry and Ron to go on without her. Professor Lupin did his best to hide his discomfort of being alone with Hermione, and the girl sensed it.

"I just wanted to apologize for my behavior a few weeks ago," Hermione said quietly, staring at the floor. "I wasn't my right self. That Delirium Charm really had me convinced."

"Yes, I can understand that. It seemed you had just emerged from it. Often times, those who are affected by the Delirium Charm do not have their wits about them for quite some time, for it is quite powerful if correctly applied," Professor Lupin said.

"I can certainly agree with that," Hermione said with a small smile, trying desperately not to look into the professor's face.

"And I have noticed that you've been . . . not yourself for the past few weeks," the professor pointed out. "You have to use every ounce of your being to go back to your normal life, Hermione."

"Yes, but it's just . . . it was so lovely, where I was in 1979," Hermione whispered, almost pleadingly, as if she wanted him to understand how desperately she missed it. "I have never been so close to anyone in my life than I was with the people from back—my delirium, I suppose . . ."

"You must move on, Hermione," Lupin urged her. "Harry and Ron are certainly equivalents to these people you thought you had befriended. And Ginny Weasley certainly equates to how I imagine Lily must have been."

"She was," Hermione said with a nostalgic smile. "And Harry and Ron are just as wonderful as James and Sirius, it's just . . . I had a life with them, and you, and Lily. And I am still rooted to them, in the past. Everywhere I look, it's a constant reminder of losing them." Hermione paused, and looked up to the professor, almost reluctantly. "And you."

Carefully, Professor Lupin put a gentle hand on her shoulder. "You must use the resources around you to achieve happiness. Take them into your life as completely and wholly as you can, so that your mind latches itself onto this reality. Do everything you can, and hold nothing back."

It was gentle words like these that touched Hermione's heart and caused memories to rush into her mind. The kind professor standing before her, a sympathetic look adorning his face, was just the Remus Lupin she had fallen in love with. She looked up, meeting his eyes, and for the very first time since she had arrived back, she felt the startling but undeniable connection between them, the blazing passion that had accompanied them on many nights together, but had always been present between them in the past.

Remus, with her hand on her shoulder, was very close. Hermione could feel the space begging to be closed, like two magnets pulled apart. Her breath was caught in her chest, and all control was lost in his eyes. Her heart racing, hammering in her throat, she did not think as she leaned in towards her professor, eyes locked on his.

Their lips met for a fraction of a second, but it was that moment that set her body aflame with desire and desperate want to find a Time Turner. Behind her closed eyes, she relived the first night that they became one, intertwined by love and passion.

It was also a fraction of a second later that Lupin gently pushed Hermione away.

"I'm sorry," he croaked, still inches from her face. She could feel his breath on her lips, and again wanted nothing more than to close the gap between them. "You have to leave."

He stared down at Hermione for a second, seemingly torn between his words and what had just happened. With just the same intensity, he pulled away from Hermione, hurrying away into his office. Hermione stood stock still, her body still on fire with the vivid dreams and memories that swirled within her.

As she stood there in the terrible silence, eyes closed against the reality of Professor Lupin's empty classroom, she basked in the clearest and poignant memory of all.

"I love you, Hermione. I don't care how the future turns out, you will always be the only one I love," Remus whispered to her.

But as Dumbledore had said, even the loveliest of her dreams . . . were just dreams.

-
-x-x-x-
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Author's Note: well my heart was racing as I wrote this! Anyway, I've already got a huge chunk of the next chapter done, and I would say three chapters left. Or around there, anyway.

Thank you forever and always to Faithful Wheezy, without whom Hermione's future would forever be undecided!

Please review!