A/N. Big apologies for lack of updating, exams and that. But I'm back and I will be completing this story! :)
I'll be attempting to go with longer chapters for a while, you like that better?
Lemme know what you think :)
Chapter 25: Smoke
"''oly furk dat hurtsh"
"Well quit proddin' it then brat."
Faith held several towels under Dawn's nose, the blood seemingly pouring on tap. Heh, it's a vampires wet dream. Faith mused, somehow always managing to find something light-hearted in even the worst of situations. Discarding the now blood-soaked towels in to the sink, Faith grabbed a couple more, and smacked them in to Dawn's face.
"Ow." Dawn cried, more for sympathy than from pain.
Flattening the towel to her nose Dawn tried to stare through the wall to see the sofa in the lounge. Looking back to Faith, with eyebrows knitted together and tears forming she was desperately trying to voice a question but couldn't quite manage to form the words.
Faith noticed, a little more attuned with people's emotions that her younger self had been.
"Yea she's really in there." She offered the information before the question was asked, a small smile gracing her lips.
'Least prison group counselling crap taught me somethin'.That was until Dawn's face paled even further and her body started to sway. Holding her arms outwards, Faith grabbed her, slightly shaking her to bring her back to reality. With Dawn's knees beginning to buckle, Faith dragged her to a stool and perched her on it, unceremoniously shoving the younger girls head down.
"Head 'tween your knees." She voiced as she completed the action for her anyway.
A few minutes passed, which felt like forever for Faith, but eventually Dawn pulled her head upwards, far more colour in her cheeks, and far less colour in the fresh towel given to her. Seeing Dawn looking better, Faith left her there to sit for a few moments.
Cold water poured in to the sink, and after a few seconds of slayer hand washing, the towels were looking less bloodstained and more fairy pink in places. Scrunching them up and twisting them to drain them of water, Faith discarded them on to the floor in the corner.
Before she had time to turn around, the back door in the kitchen opened and Buffy walked in. Faith immediately smelt extra blood upon her entrance and scanned Buffy's body for stains, a tear in the thigh of her jeans with a small blood trail running downwards was visible, judging from the little amount of blood it wasn't to deep though.
Grabbing another fresh towel, she threw it at Buffy, who easily caught it despite being sidetracked by the scent of fresh blood in the kitchen.
"We have blood towels upstairs, these are for the kitchen." Buffy said whilst throwing the towel back.
Faith exhaled a small laugh and stood a little more in front of the towels on the floor. Damn, best get them washed when B's distracted.Buffy prepared herself to walk upstairs and grab a shower, a blood towel and a change of mostly unripped clothes, when she remembered that Faith didn't live with her.
"What are you doing here Faith?" She spat the name at the end.
Wait, Faith, blood
Her eyes flicked to Dawn... Crying.
She paused, allowing the thought to finalise itself. Willow. "
Willow was dead. Willow was gone. Willow is gone. Oh God.
Faith walked to the other slayer, both of them completely ignoring Dawn's presence in the room. She placed her hands softly on Buffy's shoulders, and gently squeezed, trying to convey all the support she could, before she said something that would turn Buffy's world upside down.
"I dunno about Re... about Willow, but there's someone in the other room for ya." Faith wasn't even sure if Buffy had heard her, lost in her own mourning already.
Faith grabbed Buffy's hand and dragged her in to the lounge, she followed in a zombie like fashion, her limbs not quite wanting to work to push her forward. Only brought back to reality when Faith stopped dragging her and placed a supportive hand on her back instead.
Lifting her head, Buffy stared dead ahead at the only other resurrected blonde in the whole world.
Falling to her knees so she was at the right height, Buffy stared in to open and shining blue orbs.
"Buffy." Tara breathed, her face bursting in to a small but radiant smile before her eyes focussed on a person behind her,
"Dawn." She cried, her voice cracking.
Dawn just stared at Tara, unable to do anything but just look and blink tightly.
Seeing that Dawn had apparently moved past her fainting phase for the time-being, Faith's gaze fell upon the original chosen one once again.
Kneeling on the floor, and looking upwards into ocean blue, Buffy hadn't even realised she was sobbing uncontrollably until her head found it's way in to Tara's lap. Fingers softly smoothing through her hair and whispered calmness just meeting her ears. Her hands were clawing at Tara's legs, trying to gain some semblance of reality, trying to feel her physical presence to make it true.
Buffy inhaled deeply through her nose, her eyes shutting tighter and tighter to calm her, she finally exhaled. The emotion in the room was overbearing for Faith, the only noise she could focus on was that of Buffy's heart currently snapping in to millions of shards.
"You're really here?" She voiced to Tara, who continued to lean forward to provide comfort at a split seconds notice if needed.
Tara nodded her response, knowing Buffy felt it despite not touching.
"You awoke" Pausing, Buffy tried again,
"You woke up in the hospital?" Her hands roughly searched Tara's knuckles, ensuring that she too hadn't had to claw her way out of her own coffin.
Tara nodded, pulling her hands back self consciously after having them so thoroughly searched. She desperately wanted to check on Dawn but couldn't pull her eyes from the slowly diminishing blonde in her lap.
Buffy was inconsolable, asking questions that were incomprehensible, she tried her best to keep her emotions in check and to not go catatonic with grief, but it wasn't working too well. A constant stream of tears fell, her hands pulled back from touching Tara to hug her own body in desperation for comfort.
She realised what was happening, voicing it without even really meaning to,
"So, Willow is..." Buffy trailed off, unable to complete the sentence after starting it.
At Dawn's gasp and realisation at what Buffy wasn't saying, Faith stepped in.
"We dunno what's goin' on yet B. T dunno neither so let's let her rest or sumthin'."
Buffy stood up, taking a few steps backwards to give Tara some room. She remembered all too well what it had felt like to come back, everyone crowding her, everything to bright, to loud, to painful.
"I'm sorry." She whispered whilst looking at Tara once again. The apology obviously held more depth to it, but Tara couldn't fathom why.
"No. Don't be Buffy." She stated simply, trying to at least calm the slayer's worries a little.
Now that Buffy was standing, Tara made out the thin blood trail on her jeans, "You're hurt."
"Oh, yea, nothing big." Buffy patted her thigh, only now just remembering that she had been cut on patrol. Pulling a silent and gobsmacked Dawn by the shoulders, Buffy stepped backwards in to the hall.
"You okay?" She asked her sister who had still not said anything after seeing Tara for a second time.
Dawn continued to stay silent for a moment. Buffy pulled her closer and hugged her loosely, not knowing what to say, about Tara being back nor Willow being... Not back.
"You really think she's dead?" Dawn finally asked, softly pushing Buffy out of the hug at the same time.
Closing her arms around herself Buffy nodded solemnly. "You think Willow did a spell?" Dawn asked further.
Buffy's head jumped upwards, her eyes opened wide meeting Dawn in an intense glare. Dawn reflexively took a step backwards at the threatening look and grimaced. She probably shouldn't have suggested that.
"We'll deal with it in the morning. Tara needs to get some rest."
"'kay." Dawn sheepishly replied.
She really shouldn't have suggested that.
She reached her arm out to provide some semblance of comfort to Buffy, running her fingers down Buffy's forearm. She immediately flinched away from the touch, too deep in thought to be comforted.
"Go say goodnight to her." Buffy added as an afterthought, it wasn't Dawn's fault.
Tara was now stood just in front of the sofa, her legs just about adjusting to moving again. Bending her knees until the cracking noise lessened, she took a few steps towards Dawn, the ease of walking returning to her again.
Both women's arms outstretched, they hugged tightly, embracing each other for some time. Dawn's tears fell freely from her eyes, but Tara managed to hold hers back.
"I'll see you in the morning Dawnie. I missed you so much." Tara whispered in to Dawn's ear before easing up on the tightness of the embrace.
Buffy looked onwards at them, too shocked to smile at the beautiful reunion just yet. Her thoughts more on what the hell Willow had done, and also attempting to see if she could feel danger emanating from Tara's form. Her slayer senses weren't tingling, so she figured that they were in no immediate danger.
Faith felt completely like an outsider, she had barely spared a thought as to how this was going to affect Buffy and Dawn. Staring longingly at her shoes and kicking invisible lint on the carpet, Faith pretended that she couldn't hear Dawn's strangled mumbles of sadness and happiness all at once.
Tara eventually released Dawn, placing a soft kiss on her forehead as she released her arms entirely.
"Sleep tight sweetie." Dawn took her cue to leave, climbing the stairs at a slow even pace.
All three women stood in silence until they heard Dawn's bedroom door close. As soon as the noise reverberated downstairs, Buffy and Tara's eyes locked together.
"You okay to stay here?" Buffy asked.
"If it's alright with you?" Tara asked in return. Unsure if she was actually welcome.
"It's your home too." Buffy stated solemnly. "I'll go set up the bed."
"Thank you." Tara reflexively responded quietly.
Buffy's footsteps were mildly heard as she ascended the stairs, leaving Faith and Tara in the lounge staring uneasily at one another.
"So, wicked strange day." Faith burst out, inwardly cringing at such a pathetic comment. She felt like she hadn't said anything in months, and the weight of silence had finally left her. Leaving her stupid comment hanging, but her shoulders lighter.
Tara gave a small smile. She dropped her head down, closed her eyes tight and inhaled deeply a few times. Strengthening her resolve and leaving her tears firmly in her eyes, lifting her head she smiled lightly.
"Hey Faith, did I see you smoking earlier?"
Faith smiled and playfully scoffed, " Come on T, there's more important stuff goin' on, it ain't no time to be havin' the C word lecture."
"Actually, I was going to ask you for one."
The door to Willow's bedroom opened for the first time in weeks. Dawn had closed it as soon as she had gotten back from the hospital on the first night Willow was admitted, and no one had dared enter it since.
Buffy released the handle once the door was opened, and left the door to swing fully open, letting it softly bang against the wall. A musty scent drifted outwards from it not being opened in so long, under the strength of the must laid pleasant undertones of incense. Buffy sighed and inhaled, trying to take in as much of the incense scent as possible, trying to remember the pleasantness that is Willow's smell, was Willow's smell.
Lifting her head, she looked around the room with a semblance of comforting familiarity. Except it wasn't that familiar, not anymore.
It was always changing, always being the room of death.
Her mother's room before Joyce died, her own room, before she killed herself temporarily, Willow and Tara's before Tara was murdered, and before Willow was, well, before Willow kind of killed herself. Jesus, who would be next? Why did people keep moving into this room?
Trying to find the comfort once again in the death room, Buffy tried to find something Willow-y.
The three boxes of Willow's belongings were still piled high in the corner, packed herself, preparing them before she left, so that the rest of the scoobies wouldn't need to erase her memory from the death room once she had left.
What a considerate bitch, Buffy thought.
Willow's desk was cleared, barring her laptop, lid down, power cord wrapped around it neatly and a few photographs of Tara surrounding it. Probably preparing the room for Tara, so that she'd feel at home with her own photo's, probably even removed her password from her laptop so that we could use it if we needed it.
Completely considerate bitch.
Her eyes fell on something else, it looked out of place compared to the rest of the cleared room, and she wondered how she hadn't noticed it before. An envelope on Willow's bedside table stood upwards. The front of it addressed simply to, 'Everyone.'
The envelope called to her, tempting her to go and read it. To have it explained to her why Willow had taken her own life, and replaced it with Tara's. Why she had left, and the final help and advice that would be left for each of them.
Buffy imagined what it might say to her,
'I'll look out for you, but in case I can't, watch your back slayer.'
'You were an awesome best friend, but you just weren't enough.'
'We wasted the last urn of Osiris on you, so I have to bring back Tara back another way.'
Buffy wasn't sure what it would say, and she was scared to find out. If Willow blamed her for Tara's death in the first place, she wasn't sure that she could carry on living either. Perhaps, this room would hold another suicide in it.
If she knew how, perhaps she could swap her death for Willow's life. Again, the envelope called to her, she was sure it would hold a long personalised message to each of them, rambling on, unable to find the right words, no doubt. Giving in to temptation, Buffy prepared herself to move forward. Courage almost radiating off of her skin in waves.
She was ready, she was ready to accept Willow's death already. Did that make her a bad person? Or just a slayer, a person who had accepted death so many times before, that it just became easier each and every time?
She could figure that out later, right now she had to read that note.
Buffy managed three large and strong willed steps inside the room before she collapsed once again with grief. Her arms extended to take the duvet in her hands, clutching tightly she pulled it closer, pushing her face in to it.
The dark material soaked up her tears, she pulled it slightly more to cover her mouth so she could fully submerge herself into Willow's scent, into her past, into Willow's life, but the crash of a bottle falling off the bed interrupted her flowing memories.
Lifting her head to see what had fallen, Buffy soon eyed the half empty vodka bottle. The ongoing debate regarding half empty, and half full was not needed in this instance.
Of course it was half empty, without Willow, nothing would ever be remotely full again, including life. Life was half empty, three-quarters empty, seven-eighths empty, it was almost gone.
Ripping the lid off with far more force than should have been applied, the bottle neck cracked downwards, the lid was thrown behind her, and Buffy breathed Willow's name before chugging some vodka.
Wrapping her neck in the duvet, she sniffed it in between gulps of the alcohol, and allowed herself to cry.
Faith just grinned at Tara. Her whole demeanour showing something far more relaxed than the situation called for.
Tara immediately wrapped her arms around herself, "Or not." Pausing, she added on the end, "Sorry."
"Nah T, sure ya can have one if you want it. I just reckons you should probably change first, ya know, you're lookin' a lil chilly."
If it had been possible, Faith's smile would have grown even bigger, but it couldn't , so it just got filled with a metaphorical canary that just so happened to eat shit.
Tara remembered that she was still in her hospital gown, sticky with cold sweat, a few spots of blood from the catheter removal, and her butt sticking out the back.
"Oh."
She looked down at the floor embarrassed for a moment, before giving into temptation and letting out a small giggle anyway.
Looking upwards still smiling, she noticed that Faith's eyes were a radiant brown, catching the light at just the right angle, filling Faith with a sense of innocence that wouldn't normally be associated with her. It was of course contradicted by the dark leather jacket that was still wrapped around her, left open to show a vest that was not only a little short, but also a little tight.
Faith moved closer to Tara, immediately running an arm around her shoulders,
"You gonna freak again T?"
"Huh?" Tara asked, not realising that Faith was a lot closer to her than a minute ago. "
Faith kept her arm around Tara's shoulders and guided her body towards the basement, where she'd left her bag of stuff from LA. Faith sprinted down the steps, feeling a bit more at home in the Summers basement than anywhere else in SunnyD.
Tara followed slowly, stopping halfway down the stairs to take a second to look over the banister. She felt a brief moment of light-headedness as she looked over, feeling a surge of panic come over here, clutching at her heart, she continued on, ignoring the déjà vu sensation.
Faith picked up her bag of stuff from LA and piled her creased clothes on to the cot that remained open and ready for visitors in the basement. Faith wondered why Buffy hadn't just given Tara the cot down here, instead of going upstairs to prepare Willow's bed for her.
Tara stood patiently by the cot and waited for Faith to fish out whatever it was she was looking for from her bag. Now that Faith was no longer laughing and Tara was being still and silent, Faith could make out the sounds coming from above, upstairs in the Summers residence, there was at least one person crying.
Muted whimpers vibrated to the basement, and one particularly large whimper must have been heard by Tara too, as her chin popped up to look at the ceiling.
Faith picked up the clothes she had been looking for, ignoring the crying, and passed them to Tara.
Tara accepted the dark jog pants and vest gratefully. She turned to face away from Faith, and in the process revealed her butt once again.
Faith looked away, and allowed Tara some privacy. Pulling out of her pocket a pack of cigarettes and lighter. Freeing one from the pack, she brought it to her lips and sparked up, inhaling the first toke deeply.
Tara turned around, holding the hospital gown tightly to her chest, she felt a little embarrassed to be in clothes that were just a little too tight, and therefore a tad revealing. Upon seeing Faith in even tighter wear, she decided that she had probably been in worse clothes before, discarding the hospital gown on the floor, she accepted the lit cigarette being passed to her and brought it to her lips.
"Should we be smoking down here?" Tara asked a little unsure.
Faith brought another cigarette to her lips, lit the end and flicked the lighter through her fingers smoothly all in one motion. Faith never removed her eyes from Tara's, taking pleasure in the small desire that she had just brought about with such a small trick.
Oh yea, this is gonna be fun, she thought.
"Witch, darkness, vampires." She stated with her cigarette holding hand gesturing to Tara, and eyebrows risen high.
At the lack of response, Faith continued. "B will just hafta like it. Din't peg you as a smoker anyway Blondie."
Staring at the cigarette in her hand, that she had only taken a few puffs of, Tara reminisced aloud.
"I'm not really. I tried it a couple times when I was younger, just after..."
Taking a small puff, and exhaling immediately, she continued.
"Just after my Mom died. It felt rebellious you know? That's what you're meant to do, apparently. You're meant to rebel, do something crazy, do something different to the people around you."
Tara exhaled again, looking at the swirls of smoke around her.
"I was in Heaven ya know."
Faith said nothing, happy to just let Tara speak for a while. Not knowing how long she might yap for, Faith thought she best take a seat on the cot now though, so very smoothly she perched her ass down. Tara also came to sit down next to her, their proximity was close but not uncomfortably or impedingly so.
"I was shot by a guy, a nerd really."
Tara placed her hand over her left shoulder, instinctually checking that it no longer hurt.
"Well now a dead guy. It was an accident, he wasn't gunning for me. 'Scuse the pun."
Tara looked sideways at Faith and smiled, it was sympathetically returned.
"I died pretty much immediately I think, because one minute I was changing in the room, and the next I was in Heaven. There used to be mist in Heaven, like this, like smoke swirling around you. Blurring your vision, making you a little confused. But it gets less and less thick, until eventually it's gone. That was the most unnerving thing, when it was gone. When you could see Heaven clearly, and you knew that it wasn't a mistake, you were actually dead."
Tara took a deep intake of her cigarette and held it in until it began to escape from her nose, then let it out in one big breath.
"But here, the smoke means you're alive. Nothing is quite so freeing as actually having the ability to see your breath. It's nice to be able to breathe again, but it's better to be able to see my life so clearly. Guess I really am alive again."
Taking one final puff, Tara extinguished the cigarette on the basement floor and placed it in an empty jar that was laying close to the cot.
"Do you think we should go check on Buffy?" Tara asked, Faith extinguished her cigarette and threw it into the same jar, with perfect accuracy.
"Nah, I reckons she just needs some time." Faith replied, before adding, "But whatever, you can if you reckon its best. I dunno about this kinda shit."
"Me neither, this has never happened before." Tara beamed. She was glad Faith was here, it was easier to have someone around that wasn't mourning the person that you just replaced. God knows what Buffy and Dawn were thinking about her, and she supposed that the rest of the gang would be round tomorrow. It was going to be extremely tiring, answering questions that she probably shouldn't answer.
"Don't tell anyone what I told you about Heaven Faith, I don't think I'm supposed to remember."
"No probs Blondie, no one speaks to me anyway." It was said light-heartedly, but Tara knew that there was actual truth behind it.
"Wanna get some sleep?" Tara asked at the same time as she laid out her body on the cot, pushing her legs behind where Faith was sat.
"Uh yea, sure." Faith stood and began to climb the stairs.
"Where you going?" Faith stopped and turned sideways, leaning over the banister.
"Couch?"
Tara patted the cot next to her. "I've already slept on you a couple times." Tara smiled, hoping that she wasn't making Faith uncomfortable with her forwardness. She just couldn't bare to be alone, and to have to wake up with nobody else close by.
Faith said nothing else. She slipped her leather jacket off of her shoulders, and laid down next to Tara.
Feeling a little uncertain of what was expected of her.
Are we gonna fuck? Are we gonna cuddle? What way am I s'posed to be facin'? Can I take my pants off?Before Faith could wonder about anything anymore, she noticed that Tara's heart rate had slowed down, and she was already sleeping.
Faith turned around to face her, enjoying the sight before she too drifted off after a long and strange day.