Author's Note: My laptop overheats a lot so I sent it to some tech guys to fix but forgot to post this chapter before hand. It took some finagling (*ahem Google Docs) but I managed to edit and post this without my laptop. Although there's probably going to be a million errors in my review reviews cause I'm sooooo not used to my mom's laptop keyboard lol Why is like a millimeter shift in keys so mindbogglingly difficult?
Review Reviews:
KMPcool: They're too cute! Kit-Kat is an adorable nickname; I can see Ryland using that.
Meg: Thank you so much!
discordchick: Anya and Nat are alike in a lot of way ;) That Beckett quote was my absolute favorite...oh who am I kidding, that whole episode was my absolute favorite :p
crazyninjagirl: Haha although she's right they are all those things it's still funny imaging it :p Ugh Jeremy/Clint with kids is seriously my biggest weakness ever. I wanna respect Jeremy's privacy but I'm dying for some pics of him and his little girl Ava. Oh good question (and answer)! Hmmm...that's so hard because they all have their perks! I'd go with Jane and Thor but I'm too much like Kellen and Dahlia lol and I'd go with Clint and Natasha but you're right, he'd combust with three daughters ;) So for me it's down to Pepperony and Stickey...hmm...I think I have to go with Tony and Pepper as well. However, if I could chose anyone in the tower to be my parents I'd actually go for Bruce and Danni (despite them being the only ones without kids).
Lollypops101: Thanks! Yeah I threw that in for you, since you've been following almost as long as I can remembering :)
Morgan: Haha there probably won't be any more angst...or too much angst ;)
blackangel150: Babies love Clint, Clint loves babies it's a win-win, however Natasha I don't think would be game for another at this point ;)
NonOfficialGACMember: Hear us Whedon?
Guest/Katie: Haha well I apologize for the unintentional violation...however get used to it :p I am so sorry to hear about your grandpa. But thank you for the kind words! You know, this review came at just the right time because I was trying to figure out how to end this chapter (I only had the begging written at the time) and your suggestion for Thor/Kellen bonded hit me right in the feels. I also added another something in that's been in my head for a while but is also for you :) I hope you like it! Thank you for taking your time out to read it you awesome person you XD
kimbee: Haha picturing her stiffening whenever near Little Miss makes me giggle too. As does Jeremy with babies (but that also has a very different reaction, if you know what I mean ;) lol
Sasha: It's perfectly understandable, no one has time for anything let alone fanfiction this time of year ;) Haha I just realized how misleading that title could be. I'm glad I can cheer you up a bit! That's a serious compliment, so thank you very much! Haha all the daddy!Clint feels for ya! I'm a sucker for it too, hon, you're not alone! I always wanna go back and relive baby Ace after those sweet moments too :) Thanks!
Little Miss Revenge: Sorry it took a bit longer than I planned :/ Hope you like it!
So I realized while I was writing this chapter that I'm a lot like Kellen and Dahlia. I'm sort of both their personalities mixed together, which is funny because I didn't really try it- and I always focus more on Anya and Ryland. So, much like Dahlia's story arc, I hope some people can relate a little to Kellen and his struggles :)
Enjoy!
"What are you thinking about?"
"I'm not."
"Not what?"
"Thinking."
"About?" Kellen watched Irina turn a sour look at him and shook his head. "Everyone in this tower wants me to base a character in a book off them but no one will give me workable material." He sat back against the couch, his notebook falling onto his chest in the process. Irina watched him lay both hands over his face exhaustedly before turning towards him, tucking her legs under her butt.
"Alright," was all she had to say before he sat up, getting excited again. "what do we need to do to spark your creativity?"
Kellen twirled his pen between two fingers, almost hitting Irina in the nose for she was sitting so close. "I'm not sure," he admitted. "I'm kind of stuck."
"Oh, writers bl..." Before Irina could finish the word Kellen hand a hand over her mouth to quiet her.
"No! Don't say that! I do not have," He lowered his voice barely to a whisper to say, "writers block. I'm just a little stuck. Don't jinx it." Just to make her uncomfortable Kellen left his hand on her mouth a second too long then laughed a little before letting it drop into her lap.
Irina chuckled a little as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as she said, "Geez, alright already. So it isn't writers block...is it the character?" then watched his pen twirl as he thought of the right answer. Finally after a minute he shook his head. "Is it the plot?" It took him another minute but again Kellen shook his head. Finally Irina asked, "Is it your writing?"
At first he was slightly offended, and showed it. But then he thought about it another minute and finally he had to nod slowly. "Yes," he admitted softly. "it needs something but I don't know what. It needs...oomph. Or something, I don't know."
Irina laid a hand on his shoulder as she replied, "Kellen, your writing is amazing. It has all the oomph it needs. However I think you need some air. C'mon, grab a coat. Let's go for a walk." The way she said it, Kellen knew it wasn't an option, he couldn't say no and stay inside. So he reached for her and she helped him drag his lazy butt off the couch and over to the coat closet. Most of the snow had melted away from New York but it was still rather chilly outside. Irina was wearing black jeans and a sweater- still trying to get away with Christmas type sweaters because they were her favorite- but she put on a jacket and Ugg boots for added warmth, before finally looping a scarf around her neck and tucking fingerless gloves in her pockets just in case. Kellen was also wearing jeans and a sweater- overtop a button-up- and he too opted for a coat and scarf, but kept his sneakers on.
"Let's talk about how impractical men's coats are." Kellen suggested as they hopped the elevator.
"Lets!" Irina chimed, loving the way Kellen could rant about anything.
Kellen launched himself into a long rant about the fashion industry that had Irina giggling the whole elevator ride to the roof. "You can either look stylish and freeze your ass off, or you can look like a damn eskimo and maybe survive the day." he declaimed, pulling on the hem of his Ralph Lauren jacket. "This jacket isn't terrible but look at you! Yours is all warm, it even has fur, and yet it's still cute! Mine is boring and warm. Anything cool for men is completely impractical."
They pushed outside and a gust of cold air hit Kellen and he grumbled. Considering they were smack-dab in the heart of New York City, taking a walk was never that calming of a thing, so anyone in the tower that wanted to take in a cool breath only had a few options. However Kellen and Irina had even less. It was already past eight on a school night so really their only option was to hit the roof and walk around up there. But it wasn't so bad since the public clamored for the tower to 'go more green' and Tony put in a whole rooftop garden set-up. It wasn't big but at least the plants blocked some of the terrible wind up there.
"Alright, shut up, Mr. Pant-Pockets-Actually-Fit-My-Cell-Phone." Irina retorted with a chuckle as they began making a loop around the roof, weaving through plants. "I am so sick and tired of turning my cell phone sideways in my pocket. Men's jean pockets almost reach their knees! Girl pockets barely reach my knuckles."
Kellen laughed outright, already knowing from Dahlia, Irina, Anya and even the twins all complaining about such travesties. Hell he even heard Natasha go off about how shallow pant pockets could be once. He kept pace beside Irina as they lapsed into silence. Whenever they stood beside each other it was hard to tell who was older. Irina might've been older by four months but she was shorter by six inches.
Kellen and Irina were always close. Their personalities were pretty opposite so they got on well; counteracting each other and all. Kellen was usually calm and subtle, understated in a way. Whereas Irina was loud and boisterous, always the girl laughing the loudest. They understood each other too, somehow, so for as long as they could remember they confided in each other. Kellen wasn't one for the party scene so maybe that's why Irina talked to him about it- he was an unbiased third party- not to mention he was a great listener. And Irina was always a great distraction whenever Kellen needed to get out of his own head for a bit.
Maybe because he was a writer, or maybe because it was just his personality, Kellen spent a lot of time living in his head. He spent a majority of his time thinking- about everything and nothing- and the only person that could pull him out was Irina. She'd get him laughing or talking rather than just thinking, and for that he was grateful. His mind was creative but it was also rather unforgiving.
Nobody was harder on themselves than Kellen. It was sort of a defense mechanism he put in place when he was a kid. If he didn't expect much from himself no one else would, therefore when he failed it wouldn't let anyone down. He couldn't lose hope if he had no hope to begin with. More often than not people mistook his low self-confidence as modesty but in actuality he never really put much faith in himself. And he rarely ever put any stock in his problems.
Anya and Ryland had problems, people shot at them on a regular basis. Dahlia had problems, her work load at school was tortuous not to mention her boyfriend lived in another realm. Kellen didn't have any problems. The biggest concerns he had seemed so inconsequential in comparison- things like turning sixteen, getting Dahlia to stop calling him 'baby brother' and get a book published. Whenever someone asked how he was really feeling, he usually just shrugged and said he was fine, if just because his problems didn't seem worth talking about.
But Irina never made him feel that way. Somehow she made a space for him that was open and honest and safe. He could tell her whatever he wanted- dull or not- and he knew she'd take it to her grave if he asked. Actually he didn't even have to ask; there was just an unspoken agreement between them. They knew how to talk to each other and how to keep secrets for each other.
"Do you remember that thing you told me about a while ago?" Irina asked after a couple minute of silence. Kellen turned slightly towards her, raising an eyebrow despite knowing exactly what she was referring to. "I was wondering if there were any new...developments on that front."
Kellen kind of chuckled a little at the way she asked. At least they were approaching the subject lightly. "No, not really." he replied slowly, knowing she wanted more from him but not sure what else to say. He'd spoken to her in confidence months ago but they hadn't said a word since. It was such a confession neither knew what to do with it.
"Have you thought about maybe telling someone other than just me?" Irina asked as they made another loop around the rooftop. From way up high the sounds of New York City below were just a dull roar that didn't quite cut into their conversation so much as frame it, giving them both something to listen to when conversation lagged.
"I have," Kellen admitted. "but I probably won't." When he didn't continue right away Irina bumped into him, hitting his forearm with her elbow since that's as high as she reached. It was her little way of saying she wanted him to keep talking, keep sharing, so he sighed and tried to come up with the right words to use. "If I tell people what I told you...then they'll start expecting something of me. Something...I might not be able to do."
Irina thought about that for a little while before saying, "I kind of stopped following the analogy a couple minutes ago." with a chuckle. Kellen laughed as she tucked both arms under one of his, pulling him to a stop on a workbench nearby. Since there was a garden, naturally someone needed to maintain it, therefore Tony paid a couple guys to keep the place green. They left their stuff lying around at the end of the day but since Irina and Kellen were really the only ones to go up there nobody mentioned it. And so they took up a set at a makeshift bench, sharing the seat and each other's warmth.
Kellen sucked in a deep breath before saying, "A couple months ago I confided in you that a guy in my class...caught my eye, we'll say." Irina nodded, remembering. "It wasn't the first or last time. However if I tell others, let's say for instance the family, they'll expect me to start dating guys, right?"
Irina nodded slowly, unsure of the right answer. "Yes...but if you don't say anything, they'll expect you to start dating girls soon."
"Right," Kellen allowed. "but what if I want to do...both? How do I explain that...I'm not sure what I want? How do I tell my father, who still hasn't fully grasped the concept of a DVR, that I think boys and girls can be pretty cute?"
"I think you'd be surprised by what he'd have to say." Irina replied, giving him a look. "He might not understand every piece of Midgardian technology, but he's a reasonable guy. And he loves you. I guarantee all he wants- all any of us want- is for you to be happy. Whether girls make you happy or boys make you happy or raising alpaca's makes you happy. I'll even love you if you buy a bunch of cats and become a hermit."
Kellen laughed outright, pulling her into a sideways hug. She wrapped both arms around his waist as best she could, her head finding the spot on his shoulder that seemed to be molded to her. "You're a dork." he told her as they chuckled. "But thank you."
They sat in silence for a couple more minutes before Kellen finally said, "I can honestly see myself going either way. I can picture myself, years down the road, with a wife and a couple kids. But I can also picture myself with a husband and a couple kids." Then just to pick on her, he added, "But the best picture is me and my alpaca's living somewhere out west."
Irina tried not laughing as hard as she wanted to but it still took her a minute to recover and ask him, "You know what makes you happiest, Kellen?" He shook his head slowly, searching her blue eyes for the answer. "Writing. Just do that, always write. Everything else will come and go- people will come and go- but you'll always be able to write. So don't sweat the little things. We're just kids, you and I, we don't have a damn thing figured out. And that's okay. You have plenty of time to figure it out later, I think, and even if you never figure it out, at least you have a pretty great coping mechanism. Never stop writing, Kellen. Whether you're young, old, gay, straight, confused or bisexual. Never stop writing and I think you'll be just fine."
Kellen took a second to look at Irina, really look at her, and wonder how she could throw out little pieces of wisdom then not follow it herself. He loved her to death but she drove him crazy with her lack of rule-following. She made a lot of dumb choices that absolutely baffled him but she gave good advice so he pulled her back into a hug, kissing the top of her head.
"Thanks for that, Rina." he said softly as he held her close for a minute longer. "I'll keep writing and one day I'll tell the family the truth." he promised before a shiver pulled her backwards. "Now let's get the hell inside; I'm freezing to death out here."
Irina was more than willing to get back inside seeing as her fingers were numb, so she followed him to the doors, jumping on his back halfway there. He almost fell over but managed to hold her up as they waited for the elevator to arrived back at the roof. It took a minute but the doors slid open and Kellen stepped through with Irina still on his back, easily holding her up. He always joked that she barely weighed two ounces but in actuality he wasn't that far off. Irina was actually quite tiny, barely five-foot-three and one-hundred pounds, and in comparison to Kellen's five-foot-nine and one-hundred and fifty pounds, she was infinitesimal. It was always quite comical watching them together because of the size difference.
"Where were you two?" Thor asked when the elevator doors reopened in the communal living room. He was already in blue plaid pajama pants and a black tee shirt, a mug of hot cocoa in his hand. It really never got old seeing Thor without his God of Thunder get-up on, just chilling in oversized pants with a penguin shaped mug in his hand. Of course he still possessed more power than comprehensible, but when he was just acting like a regular ol' guy, he pulled it off well. It was easy for Kellen to forget he was actually a god and not just another embarrassing dad.
"Up on the roof taking a walk." Kellen replied as he lowered Irina to the floor. "Is there anymore of that?" He looked over the cup in Thor's hand, taking in the whipped cream and chocolate shavings with wide eyes. Thor chuckled a little before showing the two of them back to the kitchen where he started up a fresh batch of homemade hot chocolate. Thor always made the best hot cocoa because he did it all from scratch and with chunks of bittersweet chocolate rather than just cocoa powder.
"What were you talking about?" Thor asked conversationally as he brought his special cocoa mixture to a boil on the stovetop. Irina grabbed a seat at the island behind him while Kellen went to get mugs.
"You know," Kellen said dismissively. "this...that...just stuff."
Thor looked over his shoulder at his son while he continued to break apart pieces of chocolate into the saucepan he worked with. Irina watched the move carefully, suddenly aware of how perceptive Thor's eyes were. Maybe that's where Dahlia got it from because the way Thor looked over at his son made Irina question how much he actually knew. Maybe everything and maybe nothing but Irina couldn't get over how strong a hold Thor's eyes had on the back of Kellen's head.
"Talking about a story?" Thor asked as he continued to work on the hot chocolate mixture, adding cocoa powder and vanilla extract after the chocolate had melted. Kellen just shrugged a little, nodding ambivalently but not replying. Thor's eyes left Kellen when he poured the hot liquid into the two mugs Kellen brought down from the cupboard. "Whipped cream or marshmallows?" he asked. Kellen opted for whipped cream and Irina opted for marshmallows at the same time which made Thor chuckle but he gave them both what they wanted.
Thor always made things fresh- no store bought whipped cream in a can or a bag of stale marshmallows would do. There was always a container of homemade cream in the fridge and in the cold months Thor whipped up a batch of homemade marshmallows just about every week. He went about setting up the two mugs- dropping a healthy dollop of his own whipped cream in Kellen's mug before sprinkling chocolate shavings on top just like his; then riffling through the pantry for the ziplock baggie he had his homemade marshmallows in, toasting a few on the stove before letting Irina drop as many in her mug as she wanted.
"I'm gonna drink this in my room." Irina said before she thanked Thor. After her talk with Kellen she wanted to give him the chance to talk with Thor as well, so she grabbed her cup and wished them both a goodnight before scurrying back towards the elevator trying not to spill her precious hot cocoa.
Thor took Irina's seat at the island and Kellen hopped on the counter across from him, both their mugs cradled between their large hands. In many ways Thor and Kellen were alike but in other ways they were completely different. They looked pretty similar, both with tousled blond waves and big blue eyes, both far too tall and wide to be normal. But, where Thor tended to be loud and boisterous, Kellen tended to be soft and quiet. Kellen was most like Jane in their approach to things. The two of them would rather sit back and study than get out there in the thick of things- however, both Jane and Kellen had passion something fierce when it came to something they truly cared about. Really, Kellen was a healthy mix of both his parents. Dahlia was less of a Thor and Jane mix and more of a Thor and Loki mix, so Kellen got by in the shadows, happy to watch Dahlia get in trouble rather than do anything bad himself.
"Everything alright?" Thor asked after a couple minutes of silence. Kellen looked up, nodded then looked down again, all without convincing his father of anything. "Are you sure? Something seems off with you today."
Kellen rolled a shoulder again as he sipped his drink. "It's not really important."
"If it pertains to you then it is important to me." Thor replied without missing a beat. Kellen looked up at his dad for a minute, remembering that above all Thor was still just his dad. Just a dad with a son that he cared for most of all. Just someone who cared.
"It's really nothing." Kellen said, smiling a little. "I've just been thinking about my future a lot more, is all. You know, wondering where I'll be after school. What I'll be doing, who I'll be with, stuff like that. No big deal."
Thor took a long sip of his cocoa, watching Kellen over the rim of his cup, before asking, "Well, what do you see?"
It was a loaded question to say the least and it made Kellen pause. He couldn't quite bring himself to say to Thor what he said to Irina, but he didn't want to lie. He honestly did want to bring Thor in on his struggles if just to see how his dad would react, but something was stopping him. There was still some little part of him that was scared his dad would expect something of him that he couldn't deliver. So he hesitated for a long minute, staring at the swirls of hot cocoa and melted whipped cream in his mug. When he looked up again Thor was just looking at him as if no matter what answer Kellen gave he'd still make hot cocoa on cold nights. He'd still be there, caring and sincere no matter what.
"I don't know." Kellen admitted slowly. "There's a couple different futures I see. They're all nice...I can't choose which one I want most."
Thor nodded a bit, still sipping the last of his drink. "Well," he finally mumbled after a couple seconds. "who says you have to choose?" It was such a simple question but it almost made Kellen spit his drink out.
Who did say everyone has to choose? Kellen thought as he wiped chocolate from his mouth with the back of his sleeve hoping Jane wouldn't yell at him for ruining another good shirt. Kellen couldn't honestly reply for a solid minute and a half, his mind was too busy trying to figure out why he felt like he needed to choose. He looked at Thor wondering if his dad actually knew his "secret" or not.
"Why not," Thor suggested, standing up. "let your life unfold as it wishes? Things happen for a reason, Kellen, there is no stopping fate. So why bother trying to rewrite something that's already destined to happen?" Thor passed by his son in order to drop his empty mug in the sink and in the process sent a pleasant smile Kellen's way. He gave Kellen a second or two to think about it all, really let his mind work on such a new theory, then Thor stepped up behind him and kissed the top of his son's head. "Either way," he said lowly. "you'll always have a family to come home to. We'll love you no matter what." He put an emphasis on 'no matter what' that made Kellen turn around. He still had to look up at his dad but doing so was only a confirmation that he didn't really have a secret after all.
"No matter what?" Kellen clarified. "Even if I wanna...raise alpacas or something?"
For a minute Thor was completely baffled but he shook away his confusion, smiled, and told his son, "Whatever makes you happy, makes me ecstatic."
Author's Note: It's finally cold enough where I live to bust out the hot cocoa so as I wrote about Thor's homemade cocoa, I made some for myself ;) I pitty anyone who hasn't had proper homemade cocoa, seriously it's the 8th wonder of the world. Anyway, as always you can check out my Polyvore (samitballi. polyvore. com) for a set from this chapter titled HEA: Kellen :)
Thanks!