A/N: I'm told that chapter alerts still aren't working, so if you missed Chapters 23 and/or 24 make sure you go back and read those first or this one won't make much sense. Thanks! Also, this chapter is pretty Delphini-heavy, but I hope the Lemon at the end makes up for it! lol –AL
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Conscience doth make cowards of us all.
-Hamlet, William Shakespeare
"Narcissa wants me to meet her." Severus set down his spoon, unable to manage another bite of the stew Hermione made. It tasted good but his stomach was still bothering him despite the Settling Solution he'd taken, which he suspected was as much due to nerves as his hangover.
"When?"
"Between now and Sunday. She is headed to Hogwarts on Monday. What will I say to her? What should she call me?"
"She should call you whatever she feels most comfortable calling you, be that Father or Dad or Severus or Professor or Snape. You'll tell her you're glad to meet her and deeply regret that you did not do so sooner, whether that's true or not, because it will be what she needs to hear. Then you'll ask her if she has any questions and do your best to answer them."
He sighed. "I am no coward, Hermione."
"You're one of the bravest men I've ever known, Severus."
"Then why do I fear interacting with an eleven-year-old girl?"
Hermione half-smiled. "Because she's yours. And nothing is scarier than being a parent."
"I told Minerva I won't take the job," he said, changing the subject. "I wrote her on Friday."
"I know." Hermione sipped her pumpkin juice. "She wrote me after receiving the response from you. She wants me to seriously consider it. She thinks we can arrange for a student, or perhaps a couple of students, to sit for me while I'm teaching, and I wouldn't have to live there. I told her I'm considering it. We're having lunch on Thursday to discuss."
"What?" Severus' eyes widened. He ran his fingers through his still-damp hair, hoping his response would come across casually rather than pathetically. "You're leaving me?"
"Not necessarily. She said we could arrange my classes so I only have to go to the school three days per week. I could continue to see you on the other two… besides, you probably won't need me much by then. In the interim, we have three months to develop a better pain potion – and I have ideas, I spent a great part of the weekend reading and researching." She smiled and he couldn't help smiling back. Reading and researching. That sounded like her, the old Hermione, the girl she'd been before life had the chance to beat her down. "And as I said, I'd like to… to date you… and if we're dating, I really should not be working for you."
Severus did not love the thought of her cutting back from three days with him to two, but he was looking forward to dating (something at which he had precious little practice) and, if he was being perfectly honest, he had to admit that teaching would likely be beneficial to her. She wanted a career, a professional future, and she wasn't going to get that by cleaning his curtains and helping weed his garden.
"You should take the job. If you want it, that is. You'd be an excellent Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. The students would be most fortunate to learn from you."
She beamed. Though she appreciated her role working for him (and the money – Hogwarts wouldn't pay as well) and enjoyed their regular child-free conversation time, the more she thought about the possibility of teaching, the more she was excited by it. She'd even taken the kids to Diagon Alley over the weekend so she could pick up a copy of the students' current textbooks. She didn't want to go overboard by getting all seven, so she selected Year One, Year Five, and Year Seven, in addition to a potions book specifically dedicated to safe uses of dangerous plants like Dragon's Nightshade. She'd had a lot of time to read over the long weekend while insomnia over the Severus situation was plaguing her. She'd also let each child choose a book and grabbed a copy of Hogwarts, A History as a back to school gift for Eloise.
After lunch was cleaned up and the dishes were done, Hermione and Severus returned to the garden. The ground was still wet from the morning's rain, but they had four hours in which to work and figured that was the best place to start. During the first hour, she told him what she'd read in the potions book and what she wanted to try with the Dragon's Nightshade.
After some convincing, he finally agreed to the experiment, so they snipped off a bit of the plant and headed down to his potions lab, where they spent the next two hours carefully brewing.
Thankfully between the shower, the stew, the coffee, the Stomach Settling Solution, the Pepper-Up Potion, the passing time, and the conversation, he was feeling considerably less hungover than he'd been that morning, though he was content to let her take the lead in the lab, as he was confident she knew was she was doing, even though it was experimental.
"I'm making note of the color," said Hermione, dipping her quill. "Would you call that periwinkle or lavender?"
"Periwinkle can have multiple shades, so perhaps denote that it is a lavender-periwinkle." He slipped an arm around her from behind, pressing his chest to her back, his hand firmly planted on her lower abdomen. She was trying to write when his lips found their way to her neck.
"I'm going to ruin this potion if you keep doing that," she warned.
"Pity…" His mouth moved to her shoulder, as he pushed aside the material of her sleeveless shirt and bra strap. "We'll have to start all over."
She reached up her hand to his neck, under his hair, and scratched lightly at his skin while he placed butterfly kisses from her shoulder back up her neck to just under her ear.
"This is precisely why we cannot date and work together, Professor Snape. It's distracting."
But when his lips met hers, her heart fluttered… and she kissed him back.
-0-0-0-
"Severus Snape?" asked Delphini, her dark, heavy-lidded eyes wide. She and her aunt were having a late lunch in the dining room at Malfoy Manor alone, for Lucius was still in St. Mungo's and Draco had gone out with his wife and infant son. After two days of asking for a name, her aunt finally had confirmation, and, thus, gave her the information she'd long been seeking.
"Yes. Severus Snape."
"That… that… that can't be!" sputtered Delphini. "Mother hated him, didn't she? Plus, he's a traitor! And a blood-traitor! And he… and he… and he… He's… He's not… He can't be!"
She burst into tears.
"Your mother and the Dark Lord thought him suitable…" Narcissa began. Delphini cut her off.
"She was an idiot, then! And the Dark Lord too! Snape betrayed them! He's partly the reason they're dead!"
"Your mother is dead because she battled Molly Weasley and lost. The Dark Lord is dead because he battled Harry Potter and lost. Neither is dead because of the actions of Severus Snape."
"That's not true! Severus Snape was partly responsible… and so are you!"
"I… excuse me?" Narcissa cocked an eyebrow. She'd given the girl as little information about the Final Battle and the second war as she possibly could, and what she did tell her, she often twisted to make Bellatrix appear in a more flattering light without building up the Dark Lord or showing support for him (or, at least, that's what she'd tried to do). So where was this coming from?
"I read that ten year anniversary edition of the Daily Prophet. I know you lied to the Dark Lord about Potter being dead! I know you lied right in front of my mother! And then you refused to fight! You and Draco and Uncle Lucius, you all refused to fight, and what happened? My mother kept fighting and she died, didn't she? She was the Dark Lord's only loyal follower, the only one who stayed with him once they knew Potter was still alive, the only one, and she was killed for it, and it's all your fault, and Snape's fault too!" Delphini jumped up, causing her chair to clamor to the polished wood floor behind her. "He's a traitor and so are you and if not for you two, I'd still have a mother!"
"That's not… that's not entirely accurate," said Narcissa. "Your mother…"
"Don't tell me about my mother!" Delphini was on the verge of hysteria. "My mother is dead because of you!"
"No, Delphini, she…"
"Shut it! Stop talking! Stop lying to me!"
"I am not ly…"
"Yes, you are! You are a liar and I hate you, Auntie!"
"Delphini, please," said Narcissa, willing herself to remain patient, as she knew this news would be upsetting, but at the same time unwilling to tolerate her niece's bad behavior. "Sit down and speak to me in a rational, respectful…"
"Go to hell!" The girl slammed her hand down on the table so hard it stung. She drew it up to her chest, holding it gingerly with her other hand. "I hate you!" she repeated. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!"
"You have reason to be angry," Narcissa began calmly, but the child interrupted again.
"You're wrong!"
"About?"
"About my father! It's not Severus Snape. It's can't be. You're lying because you don't want me to know the truth."
"Which is?"
Delphini let out a frustrated screech. "You know what it is! Bellatrix Black Lestrange is my mother and the Dark Lord Voldemort is my father and Severus Snape is nothing but an ugly blood-traitor and you're a stupid, pathetic bitch who doesn't know what she's talking about!"
"You'll not speak to me that way, Delphini Druella," said Narcissa coldly. "Sit down."
"Why shouldn't I speak to you that way? Uncle Lucius does," replied Delphini nastily. "He calls you a stupid, pathetic bitch all the time. He acts as though Bitch is your name. If he doesn't respect you, why should I? Maybe you deserve it, the way he treats you. Maybe it's your own fault. If you hadn't betrayed the Dark Lord…"
"I mean it, young lady." Narcissa stood, staring down the dark-haired spitting image of her older sister, her cobalt blue eyes meeting the adolescent's brown ones. "You will not speak to me with such disrespect. I understand that you're angry, but you are still a child – legally my child, the child I am raising – and it is not appropriate for you to address me the way… the way your uncle does."
"Sod off!" shouted Delphini, furious tears streaming freely down her cheeks. "I wish you were dead instead of my mother!"
Narcissa brought up her hand and, using a combination of wordless, wandless magic and the Unforgivable Imperious Curse, she compelled Delphini to pick up her chair and resume sitting in it, her hands folded neatly in front of her on the table. Though the girl couldn't fight back, she did manage to glare defiantly at her aunt as she obeyed.
"Quiet," ordered Narcissa. "I will lift the Curse, but only on the condition that you will sit, you will listen, and you will refrain from addressing me in that manner. Understand?"
Delphini nodded.
"Very well." Narcissa waved her hand again, muttering "Finite Incantatem."
Delphini tossed her tangled hair haughtily (she hadn't brushed it in a couple of days) but said nothing.
"As I informed you the other day, the Dark Lord was unable to give your mother a baby, so he chose another father for you. I am now telling you that I have confirmed that man is Severus Snape, who was, at that time, the potions master at Hogwarts, long believed to have been one of the Dark Lord's most loyal Death Eaters. He was truly, as we know now, a spy for the Order of the Phoenix, working for Dumbledore. For this, he is widely regarded not as a traitor, but as a hero. Severus is also an old friend of mine and a good man, no matter what your uncle says of him."
"Uncle Lucius says you… He says you had an affair with him! I know what an affair is, Auntie! An affair is… an affair is… it's when you do it with someone but you're married to someone else! That's what he says you did!"
"Your uncle is mistaken," Narcissa said coolly, not keen for her niece to ever know that she had, indeed, had an affair with the girl's father.
"You admitted it! You told Uncle Lucius it happened only once… you said Snape forced you, that he… that he…"
"You are grown enough now to realize that your uncle frequently accuses me of crimes I have not committed merely to have an excuse to take out his… frustrations… on me. I did tell him it happened only once and I was forced into it, but that was a lie. Had I told him it never happened at all he would not have believed me. I was… I told your uncle what he needed to hear. I regret that you witnessed it."
"What my mother had was an affair, though, wasn't it? She had an affair with the Dark Lord and an affair with… with Severus Snape? I don't… that doesn't make sense. Aunt Cissy, none of this makes any sense!"
"I'm sorry," Narcissa started, but Delphini interjected, her eyes filling with tears again.
"All this time! All this time I was so sure my father was… was the Dark Lord… I was sure because my mother loved him… and he loved her… didn't he? She was his most valuable and most faithful follower, everyone says so. She would have done anything for him. She was the only one he saved at the end of the battle at the Ministry of Magic, the only one whose death in the Final Battle made him so upset he screamed."
"How do you know that?" asked Narcissa. She had certainly never given the child that much information.
"The Daily Prophet, Auntie! That tenth anniversary special edition! It was all in there! Didn't you read it?"
"I… no. I skimmed the front page, but… I didn't need to read it. I was there."
"It said terrible things about the Dark Lord and about my mother, but I know most of it couldn't be true, I know because you've told me how brilliant she was, how beautiful, how powerful with a wand and even without one, and how much she loved me. They tried to interview your other sister, Andromeda, who would only say that my mum was a monster and a murderer, and that she'd gone mad while in Azkaban, but I know she's just jealous like she was always jealous of you two, because you were both smarter and prettier and more talented, which is why she ran off to marry a Muggle, like you said. That's what you said, isn't it? You said that."
Narcissa closed her eyes and mentally counted to ten.
"I am afraid I have let you live too long without telling you the truth about the... heinousness of the Dark Lord's crimes, Delphini. I did so to protect you, but now believe I have made a mistake in doing so. The fact is, he and his followers indiscriminately tortured and killed countless innocent people in a quest for power. Your mother…" Narcissa paused to bite her lip. This bit would cause her pain to relay, but she felt it needed to be done. "Your mother participated in this, as the Prophet no doubt reported. She had been brainwashed by the Dark Lord starting from a very young age. Not much older than you are now. And yes, she may have… may have gone slightly mad in Azkaban. Anyone would. But as a result, she could not see him for what he was: a power-hungry maniac intent on destroying the world as we knew it for personal gain, a pureblood supremacist who was, himself, a half-blood, and a sociopathic sadist."
"I don't know what some of those words mean," said Delphini quietly, feeling sick to her stomach. "What is a sociopath? What's a sadist?"
"A sadist enjoys causing pain. A sociopath lacks a conscience and is able to harm others without remorse. The Dark Lord was unable to love others, but he enjoyed controlling and hurting them. This was something your mother liked about him, though it wounded her that he was unable to truly return her… affections."
"Oh." Delphini stared down at her hands, which were still folded on the table in front of her. Was her mother a sadist too? A sociopath? Was her mother unable to love? No, that couldn't be. Her mother had loved her. She was sure of it. Her aunt may not have told her the complete truth about other things, but surely she told the truth about that!
"When I lied to the Dark Lord, it was to save my son, your cousin Draco," continued Narcissa. "The longer the battle continued the more likely he would be killed and I wanted to find him, to get him out of there. In that moment, I did not care whether Potter was alive or dead, or whether the Dark Lord won the war or lost. I cared only to find and save my son. A mother's love for her children is unconditional and complete, Delphini, and though you are not my child by blood I love you every bit as much as your mother loved you, and every bit as much as I love Draco."
Delphini wiped away her still-falling tears with the back of her sleeve, suddenly feeling very guilty for having blown up at her aunt the way she had.
"Though we still believe in the importance of blood purity, Delphini, Draco and I are glad that the Dark Lord lost. When he was lording over the wizarding world, it was a dark place, especially here, as he considered Malfoy Manor his headquarters. He…" She took a deep breath, wishing she didn't have to tell the girl this, but knowing it was necessary. "At times, he treated your mother just as your uncle treats me. Worse, even. Much worse. She loved him, yes, but she was also afraid of him, much more so than I have ever been of Lucius. She called him Master and considered herself his servant. He owned her, like property. He valued her as a warrior, but not in the way a man should a wife, or even a… a lover."
Thanks to Legilimency, even without trying, Narcissa could feel the confusion her niece was feeling, along with the horror this news had brought, despite the girl's blank expression. She would be a natural Occlumens, Narcissa realized. No surprise, considering the talent both of her biological parents held in that area. Narcissa sipped her wine and sighed before going on.
"There were times your mother and I both thought the Dark Lord would kill her, Delphini, including at least twice when you were a baby. He regarded her more highly than the other Death Eaters, that much is true, but he also punished her more harshly for failing him."
Delphini met her aunt's eye. She had never been told this before. She'd always imagined her mother and the Dark Lord were in love, that he was proud to have her as his deputy, his most loyal and faithful follower, and that they treated each other as princes treat princesses in fairy tales, that he elevated her over his other followers, that he would never hurt her. Her heart fell into the pit of her gut, weighing her down with the sorrow of it.
"But if he hurt her like that, why did she love him?" whispered Delphini. "Why would she love someone she's afraid of? Why did she love him if he couldn't love her? And… and what about… did… did my…" She sniffled. Yup, more tears were coming. "Did Severus Snape love my mother? I know you said the Dark Lord chose him to be my father, but to have… to have made a baby with my mother… to have done… you know… shouldn't he have loved her? You told me people do it when they love each other."
"Love is… a complicated thing," said Narcissa. "Your… father… Severus Snape… he… When two people have sex, they…"
Damn it. She had told the girl that people have sex when they love each other. But what else was she supposed to have said? 'People have sex because, if they know how to please each other, it feels fucking great?' That wouldn't have been an appropriate way to address the topic with a little girl. She hadn't had much time to prepare for that conversation – Delphini had asked about it at age nine, after accidentally walking in on Draco and Astoria, and aside from the recently-added particulars about ovulation and birth Narcissa hadn't seen fit to update her on the details since. (And she'd never had 'the talk' with Draco. She'd let his father handle it.)
"Auntie?"
"I'm sorry, my darling girl, but Severus did not love your mother, nor did she love him. But he never hurt her either. He wouldn't. He wouldn't hurt any woman, not like… not like the Dark Lord, and not like your uncle. Severus is a good man, Delphini. He saved Draco's life eleven years ago, and in doing so, also saved mine. He once brought you medicine when you were sick, though he was under no obligation to do so, and he was willing to give his life for the good of humanity; it's incredible that he survived. I think you should give him a chance. I think you should meet him."
"Does he love me?"
"He doesn't know you," answered Narcissa, unwilling to lie about this. Feeling the girl's pain in response, she added, "But I'm certain, if he were to get to know you, he would."
"My mother loved me, though, right?"
"You ask me that all the time." Narcissa drummed her nails on the table, an old nervous habit her husband hated. "As I always assure you, yes, she did. More than life, from the moment she first felt you growing inside her, she loved you unconditionally. Don't you believe me?"
"I like to be sure." Delphini rose from her chair and knelt on the dining room floor by Narcissa's feet. She put her head in her aunt's lap, the way she used to when she was little and not feeling well, with her arms wrapped around Narcissa's legs. "Auntie? I'm sorry I said what I said before. I don't hate you. I don't wish you were dead."
"I know." Narcissa stroked the girl's hair, making mental note that they'd need a good conditioner to help work out these tangles before sending her off to school. "We all say things we don't mean when we're angry."
-0-0-0-
Despite their mutual decision to date and to do so slowly, Hermione and Severus ended up in bed together late Monday afternoon, while the experimental pain potion was simmering.
"But no sex…" said Hermione, as Severus' lips and tongue made their way down her topless chest to the waist of her skirt. "I don't have sex on the first date. And as we haven't even had a first date…"
"Right," said Severus, as he placed a kiss just below her navel. "No sex."
"Not even if I beg," said Hermione, running her hands over his bare shoulders. "And not even if you do."
"I never beg for sex," he said, though that wasn't entirely true… there had been a couple of times in his younger years in which Charity, bothered by his inability to commit to being more than a casual couple, had cut him off only for him to beg his way back into her bed, and, at the same time, her good graces.
"No… no sex…" said Hermione again as he slid her skirt over her hips, down her legs, and off. Her breath hitched in her throat. "I'm afraid... to get... pregnant... again..."
"No sex," he murmured, He placed a trail of kisses up her smooth, tanned leg, starting at the bone of her ankle, and continuing up… up… over her calf… to the inside of her knee… to her inner thigh… and up. He paused to suck on the skin of her inner thigh, leaving a raised pink mark when he pulled back. She gasped, her fingers intertwined in the back of his hair. His mouth moved closer to her center, to the edge of her knickers.
She squirmed.
"Does this count as sex?" he asked just before pressing his lips to her most intimate place, over the thin, dark blue fabric.
"No!" she answered, her voice a bit higher than usual. "This is fine…"
"What about now?" He slid his tongue up and down still on the outside of her knickers, which were now wet with want for him.
"Fuck," she answered, growing headier by the moment.
He pressed his thumb over her clit through the fabric and began to rub her in small circles, which made her hips buck slightly. His other hand went to her inner thigh, over the mark he'd left. He squeezed her there, eliciting another gasp, as his tongue slipped under the dark blue fabric, against her skin.
"Is this sex?" he asked as he pleasured her. "Or is this alright?"
"I need you," she answered, writhing against him, forgetting her words from a moment earlier. "Severus, I need you. Take me."
With a chuckle, he divested her of the knickers and resumed his oral ministrations, beginning by flicking his tongue over the swollen bud his thumb had just been massaging.
"No sex," he reminded her. His thumb resumed its movements as his tongue made its way down to her opening, delving inside, making her cry out with the sheer pleasure of it. Reginald had never been good at this and Ronald had rarely been willing to do it.
She clutched the pillow under her head and moaned as he licked and sucked at her, calling his name when he entered her with his fingers, going dizzy when her impending orgasm began to build.
"Fuck me," she begged. "I want you inside me. I want you… I want… I…"
"No," he said, his voice deep and definite. "No sex, remember? Not even if you beg."
"I can't… I can't… Oh, fuck… yes… Severus… Don't stop…"
He did not stop.
Closer and closer to climax she grew, her hips bucking. He held her thighs open, as she was having difficulty doing so in her blissful state. She pulled the pillow over her face and bit it to keep from screaming, even though there was no reason she needed to remain quiet.
He flattened his tongue against her clit, repeating the motions that felt best, and curled his first two fingers, which were still inside her. She thrust up toward him and collapsed back down again as the most powerful orgasm she'd had in years washed over her in waves. As the pleasurable sensations dissipated she returned the pillow to under her head and wiped away the tears that had formed in the corners of her eyes.
"No sex," he said, moving up to lie beside her. He kissed her on the temple and rolled onto his back, his chest heaving just as hers was. He tried to ignore the painful throbbing in his cock, which he could feel despite having taken a full dosage of the pain potion only an hour before, when they'd started fooling around in the basement potions lab. Somewhat tentatively, she reached down to stroke him, repositioning herself so she was on her side, facing him.
"No sex," she repeated.
A moment later, she took him in her mouth.