CHAPTER TWENTY TWO:
September 9, 1985
Dear Melissa,
I don't know what to write to you this time. I attempted to write a letter last month but it came out as slightly absurd and unimportant. I didn't even finish it. The movie and dancing have taken up most of my time and maybe my energy has been sucked into these things and I have none to spare for writing letters (that will be unanswered) late at night. Or, maybe this war with my emotions has taken its toll too.
The first few months after I've returned here to Los Angeles, I have been happy. I danced everything away during our practices and rehearsals; I loved every single minute of it. The girls here are very nice to me – unlike the women in the Folies Bergere – though, understandably, they were wary of me because I already had a close relationship with our Director. Yet, they gave me a chance and soon enough, they got to like me. They share with me the cast secrets, inside jokes, and ask me for my opinions regarding their dancing.
I also have a co-star (can you believe that? I have a co-star!) who has been very nice and patient with me. He has introduced me around the set so that I would socialize more than my afternoon lunches with Mulder. It is quite funny though – my co-star seems to think that I have this dire need for more friends.
Ever since I was young, you have known me to be someone that didn't make a lot of friends. I only had one constant companion in school every day and that was Ellen. When Ellen and her family left for Vienna, dancing was all I had. So I danced my life away, not even bothering to go out and experience something else beyond the four corners of my room. Funny, isn't it? Because look at where I am now – I am involved in a job that demands for socialization. I feel as if I am living a new life here, that I am a new Dana Katherine Scully – someone who is a sharp contrast to the quiet girl back there in Wales.
However, even if my co-star (Mr. Pendrell) feels that I need more friends to perk my life up, the truth is that I have found all the friendships I need in one man: our Director, Mr. Fox Mulder.
I have come to understand, from the first time we met and he chased me around in the club I was then working in, from the time he offered to drive me home because it was already past midnight to the next couple of days when he wouldn't quit on me as his leading lady, that he was going to be a very important person in my life. We might have been born twenty years apart, but from him, I draw my strength and my youth. He has the spirit of a nineteen-year-old boy, as if he keeps on waking up in a time loop: the same age every single day of his life.
Mulder makes me laugh, relax, and amazingly, he makes me feel special. He is probably the most constant friend I've ever had in my life so far.
Yet, what we share isn't perfect, Missy. Something has been wrong lately; something Mulder won't tell me. He has been pushing me away. It started around two months ago and it has been going on ever since. I still live with him, we still talk – but it just isn't the same. I live with him, but I miss him every single day.
Oftentimes, I find myself hoping that this is only one of my nightmares – the frighteningly vivid ones that cloak me with intense fear in the middle of the night – and that I'd wake up to Mulder being my best friend again.
No, I shouldn't think that. Mulder can never be a nightmare. He is always the good part of my life, the reason why I have lived again.
You give my love to Nana, Bill, Charles, and your baby.
Mama caniatáu e ar agor ei bron ar fi.
Signed,
Dana
END OF CHAPTER TWENTY TWO