Chapter Twenty-Five

The ride back home was quiet. Darry glanced over and saw that Soda was barely awake, leaning on Ponyboy a bit as his head would slowly slump down only to jerk back up every time they hit a bump in the road. Darry still felt guilt gnawing away at his insides over this whole thing. If it weren't for him Soda never would have ran away like this. His only hope was that maybe the trek all the way out to the stables had worn Soda out enough that he might actually get a decent night's rest tonight.

Finally they pulled back into the driveway in front of the house. As Darry cut the engine he saw both Steve and Two-Bit coming out onto the porch to see if two or three had returned. There was no mistaking the relief on both of their faces as they saw Soda slide out of the truck just after Pony.

The three brothers trudged up the walk to the porch. Soda hesitated for a moment, looking from Steve to Two-Bit a little comfortably. Then he headed in to the house without saying anything.

"Where was he?" Two-Bit asked in a low whisper.

"He was out at the old stables," Darry answered.

Two-Bit looked surprised at this but as Darry glanced over at Steve he saw that there was understanding in his features. It clearly made some kind of sense to him. It was a relief because Darry wasn't even sure he completely understood why Soda had gone all the way out there. But Steve and Pony obviously did. That was something. Maybe if there were all able to pull together they would find some way to get Soda through this.

Two-Bit and Pony headed inside but Darry hung back with Steve.

"Good thing you guys found him out there," Steve commented. "Doesn't look like he was really up for walkin' all the way back here tonight."

Darry nodded. "Yeah, you got that right." He paused and glanced over at Steve. "You know, all the stuff I said yesterday about your drinkin'… I really did mean it. But I hope you don't think I want to keep you away from Soda. Hell, out of all of us you have the best perspective about this whole thing. So I really do hope you can clean your act up."

Steve nodded. "Yeah, I get it, Darry. I can't help Soda if I'm a fallin' down drunk."

"And you don't have to do it all by yourself," Darry went on seriously. "We're all here for you just as much as we're here for Soda. I promise you that. All you have to do is come to any one of us."

Steve swallowed, looking away from Darry. "Yeah… thanks." His tone was neutral, not giving away any emotions.

Darry knew that was all to be said on the subject. He turned and led the way back in to the house, Steve following behind him. They entered to find that Pony and Two-Bit were standing around the living room, clearly having just had some sort of deep discussion of their own as they abruptly stopped talking when Darry and Steve entered. Darry glanced around the otherwise empty room.

"Where'd Soda go?" Darry asked.

"He said he was tired," Pony said. "He said he was goin' to bed."

Darry sighed. "He hasn't eaten anythin' tonight."

"We asked if he wanted anythin' to eat," Two-Bit said with a shrug. "He said he wasn't hungry."

Darry hesitated. He hated the thought of forcing anything on Soda, but he was still really concerned about how thin he was. He knew that with his health still a concern after his heart attack he really shouldn't be skipping meals. After a quick debate with himself he turned and headed down the hallway.

As usual Soda had left his bedroom door open just a crack. It was obvious he hated to feel confined at all. Darry could hear Soda moving around inside. He knocked lightly but didn't hear a response. He knocked again, a little louder this time, but the force of the action caused the door to inch open more so that Darry could see inside. Soda was standing over by his dresser and had obviously been in the middle of changing out of his dirty clothes. He had on a pair of sweatpants that were practically falling off of his thin form. They had tried to dig up some smaller clothes for him from Ponyboy's closet, but they hadn't had much luck. Soda was digging through his dresser looking for a shirt, his bare back to Darry.

Darry remembered the first time he had seen Soda without a shirt on after he had returned to them. He had been sick on the bathroom floor at the time. It had been a horrible shock to see the evidence of the torture that he had been through. Darry noticed that after that night Soda had been careful to keep as many of his scars covered as possible. He wouldn't even walk from the bathroom to his bedroom in a towel after taking a shower and instead would get dressed in the bathroom while he was still wet.

But seeing the deep red, angry scars that crisscrossed Soda's entire back again now was possibly even more difficult to look at for Darry. Now that they knew more details about what Soda had been through it was even harder and more heartbreaking to see the evidence. Why did this have to happen to his little brother?

"Soda?" Darry said carefully after a minute.

Soda sent an anxious glance over his shoulder at Darry at the sound of his voice. He quickly grabbed a t-shirt and pulled it over his head. Then he took a deep breath as if to calm himself before he turned to face Darry. "Yeah?" he said, sounding a little unsteady.

"I was gonna start on dinner," Darry said, trying to sounds as casual as he could. "Anythin' in particular you wanna eat tonight?"

Soda looked uncomfortable as he put his arms – which were exposed by the short sleeved t-shirt he had grabbed – behind his back as if still trying to hide himself as much as possible. "Um… it's gettin' kinda late. I was just gonna go to bed."

Darry knew well enough that trying to order Soda around would just made things worse. But still, he pushed a little farther. "You should really eat somethin', Soda," he said as gently as he could.

Soda rubbed his eyes before putting his arms back behind his back. He looked exhausted with heavy bags under his eyes. Darry knew he hadn't been sleeping well at all since coming back but he wasn't sure what he could really do about that. "I'm really not hungry," Soda mumbled, not looking at him.

"Please, Soda?" Darry tried, unable to let this go, especially with the image of Ponyboy's old sweatpants almost falling off of Soda's thin frame fresh in his mind. "Just come eat a little somethin'? Then I promise you can go to bed."

"Yeah, okay," Soda finally relented after a pause.

Darry let out a light sigh of relief. "Does chicken sound okay? We've got leftovers from last night I can reheat real quick." Soda only nodded at this. Darry started back out of the room but paused in the doorway, looking back over his shoulder at Soda. "Thank you, Soda," he said sincerely. He just registered the look of surprise on Soda's face in response to the gratitude before he turned and left.

In the kitchen Darry was quickly able to pull the leftovers out of the icebox and began the process of reheating them. Pony came in to help him and set the table. Twenty minutes later just as they were moving the food to the table Soda appeared in the kitchen on his own. Darry was vaguely surprised that he hadn't had to go get him. He also noted that Soda had changed into a long sleeved shirt, which he had buttoned securely over his wrists. As Soda took a seat Two-Bit and Steve also joined them so that all five of the remaining gang were gathered at the dinner table.

They all were doing their best to act as normal as possible. Darry talked to Pony about his classes and Two-Bit shared some amusing anecdotes about work. Soda was silent as he picked at his food, his head bowed over his plate. It didn't appear like he was paying attention at all. But then when Steve chimed in with a story about a particularly difficult car he was trying to fix at work, Darry couldn't help but notice Soda glance up at him. It was the first sign of interest he had shown since sitting down at the dinner table.

Steve seemed to notice as well. "Soda, if you come back to work maybe you could help me out with it."

There was silence following the statement. Everyone looked to Soda for a response but Soda was sending a questioning look to Darry and Pony. After the way the conversation had gone the last time this had been brought up Darry supposed that he shouldn't be surprised about that.

Darry took a deep breath. "What do you want to do Soda?" he asked steadily.

Soda seemed surprised he was being asked his opinion. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat as he set his fork down and put his hands in his lap. "Uh," he mumbled. Pony looked like he was about to say something but Darry quickly and discreetly shot him a look that said to be quiet. They had to let Soda speak for himself. Luckily Soda wasn't looking at them at the moment. He was staring down at his hands in his lap. Soda took a breath. "I want to go back to work."

Darry tilted his head in an attempt to catch Soda's eye. "That's what you want to do? You feel up to that?"

Soda glanced up at his but couldn't hold his gaze. But still, he didn't hesitate more than a moment. "Yes. That's what I want to do."

Darry nodded, unsurprised by the answer. And he knew that after everything that had happened that day he couldn't deny Soda of this. "Okay, Soda," Darry said. Soda looked at him a bit skeptically, as if he didn't quite believe that Darry wasn't playing some kind of trick on him. "But how about we take it slow, okay? Why don't you try part time for a week or two, just to see how it goes?"

Soda swallowed. "Yeah. I guess that'd be okay?" It sounded like the statement had inadvertently come out as a question.

Darry glanced over at Steve. He was putting his faith in Steve's promised sobriety with this next request. "Maybe you could line your shifts up with Steve's too. That way someone who knows what's goin' on will be there with you. Just in case."

"Yeah, okay," Soda agreed, sounding more comfortable with this stipulation than the other.

Darry felt marginally better with the whole thing, though he still felt nervous overall. After having his little brother taken away from him and thrown into such a horrific situation, Darry was realizing how hard it was to not be overprotective. Darry had protected his little brothers for all of their lives. Growing up they hadn't had the luxury of being able to have a stay at home mom. Both of their parents worked full time. Their father worked days and their mother worked nights for as long as Darry could remember. By the time he was six years old he already had the responsibility of keeping an eye on two-year-old Soda for short periods of time while his parents tended to newborn Ponyboy and his colic that kept him up screaming for hours on end. By the time he was eight Darry was able to put both Soda and Pony to bed on his own on the nights that their mother worked. When he was ten he started watching his brothers for more significant amounts of time after school. Darry had grown up quickly, but he had always liked feeling important to his parents who had always struggled to provide for them. He had often liked to think that that was the reason he and his father had always been so close. He also liked to think it was part of the reason he and his brothers were so close now.

It was hard for him not to feel responsible for his little brothers. All he wanted to do was put Soda in a plastic bubble so nothing bad could happen to him ever again. But he couldn't do that. Not only was it not realistic but also it would be cruel to Soda to try and contain him like that. And at least this way he could get some freedom and one of the gang would be there to help him if he needed it.

"I'll talk to Dan tomorrow," Steve said, smiling. "We'll see if we can get you on the schedule maybe later this week."

Soda nodded. "Thanks."

The conversation then wandered away from the subject and Soda became quiet again. Darry discreetly watched him pick at his food a little longer before he quietly excused himself from the table. Even though most of his dinner was still on his plate, Darry let him go. There was only so much that they could ask of Soda.

Darry was sure to hear Soda's door shut before he turned to Steve. "I'm trustin' you to keep an eye on him. Keep him from overdoin' it."

"Don't worry, Darry," Steve assured him. "I'm gonna keep him outta trouble. We'll both stay in the garage and it'll give him somethin' to do all day and make him feel useful again. I think it'll be good for him."

"Yeah, I think you're right," Two-Bit said. "I mean, I come over and hang out with him during the day, but it's clear that on some level he's bored out of his mind and he had no idea what to do about that."

"Yeah," Ponyboy spoke up suddenly, frowning. Clearly he wasn't sold on the idea. "But remember the last time he was near a car battery? When he was checkin' Darry's truck? He had panic attack just lookin' at it, didn't he?"

"I'll take the battery out of every damn car before he gets anywhere near it if I need to," Steve said with such conviction Darry wondered if he wasn't exaggerating.

Darry turned to Pony. "As much as we want to protect him, we can't keep Soda locked up here forever," he pointed out gently. "If this is what he wants to do then we have to let him do it."

"It just seems like it's too soon after he was just in the hospital," Pony said stubbornly looking down at his plate as he absent mindedly pushed food around with his fork.

"I know," Darry said sympathetically. He was aware of how scary it had been for Pony to have had to watch Soda go through his heart attack. The look on Pony's face when he told Darry that Soda's heart had stopped while they had been in the ambulance was still burned into Darry's brain. "But Steve's right, Soda needs somethin' to keep him occupied. Sittin' around the house all day obviously isn't helpin' anythin', you know? And maybe if he can tire himself out at work he can start sleepin' better too."

"I'm not gonna throw anythin' too difficult at him anyway," Steve chimed in. "No heavy liftin' or nothing, just some simple stuff to keep him occupied."

Pony nodded reluctantly. "Yeah, okay."

"Remember years ago when it was you who was havin' nightmares?" Two-Bit pointed out. Everyone was surprised to hear such seriousness from Two-Bit. Pony only silently nodded at this. "The doc told you to wear yourself out all day so that you were too tired at night to have nightmares. Maybe we can do the same for Soda."

Darry nodded. "You got a point," he agreed. "I think a big part of the problem right now is that he's always so exhausted. I don't think he's slept through the night since he got back. Being so tired makes it all that much harder to deal with things, you know?"

"Yeah, I guess you guys are right," Pony said, sounding more convinced as he looked up at them.

"I know it's not easy, Pony," Darry went on. "But anythin' we've done so far hasn't been workin'. We gotta try somethin' different."

Pony nodded his agreement. They lapsed into silence, the only noise the scraping of utensils across plates as they continued to eat. Each of them appeared to be deep in thought. When Soda had finally come home none of them had ever imagined that it would be this difficult to grasp at some semblance of a normal life again.

Darry kept trying to tell himself that letting Soda go back to work would be a good thing for him, it would give them all a chance to feel somewhat normal again. But he just couldn't shake the feeling that so many things could go wrong while he was there. He knew that he couldn't dictate Soda's life for him though. He had to let him make his own decisions. And Darry had to respect those decisions. He had to remember that Soda wasn't the little kid that he used to tuck into bed anymore. He was way beyond claiming that there was a monster in his closet that Darry could simply walk over and open the door to disproved.

Darry glanced over at Soda's abandoned plate that still had half the food sitting on it. He could only hope that this would be a turning point. He could only hope that somehow Soda would find a way to heal from his time as a prisoner of war.