Cosmic Comedy - some things only a god can see the humour in.

Thirty year old Aiden - the husband, the father of two - is finding himself in a situation that every guy would laugh his ass off if he found someone else in it. Too bad he's the guy in it. Self insert, gender bender!

Interlude 3 - Insecurities

8-8

"I've lied to her. Hidden things from her. Tricked her. And now I'm doing everything I can to deny her the promotion she deserves. Even going as far as to convince Naruto to help me fail her." The room's only other occupant remains silent. A silence Tsunade decides her soberness can't bear; she takes another long tug on her sake bottle. Yes, straight from the bottle. No point in wasting perfectly clean saucers now, right? "Do you think she'll ever forgive me?" Tsunade asks.

Silence. Tsunade is starting to hate the silence. She hates the silence... a shinobi's greatest ally. Why would she ever hate something that has saved more lives than her talents ever will? Silence... it's only quiet, because her daughter isn't there to fill the void. Kami-sama, she misses her little girl so bad. So much so, that she's having her first drink in over two years.

Yes, Senju Tsunade had been sober for over two years. All thanks to one incredible little girl. A lost soul that needed someone as much as she did. One of the precious few that Tsunade could shamelessly say that she loves more than anything. Someone so dear to her, that the second she heard about the upcoming invasion, she'd immediately made arrangements to keep her as far away as possible. And not just physically.

No, the physical distance was insignificant, compared to the emotional distance she'd done her damnedest to create. She wanted to... no, she NEEDED to keep her distance from Ai. To safeguard her. To save her from that world-shattering heartache of watching your beloved die in your arms. Yes, she knows she's going to die. She'd come to terms with that fact decades ago, but even the concrete knowledge that Konoha's Eye had revealed didn't shake her in the least.

During the invasion, two Akatsuki members will infiltrate Konoha. She will face them and kill them, but at the cost of her own life. Tsunade had no issues with that fate. Yeah, up until it was revealed that her final breath will be taken in Ai's arms. She saw the vision, the look in her daughter's eyes. She heard her precious little girl cry out in anguish, felt the heart she'd worked so hard to piece together... she'd felt that heart shatter; disintegrate. She saw the lifelessness there that once lingered in her own eyes. So Tsunade did the only thing she could: she kept her distance.

She tried to get Ai upset with her, as upset as humanly possible. She'd held her back for over two years in the Academy, purposely passed her up for the early graduation she could easily have handled. And what did Ai do? She enjoyed those two years with all her heart. She spent it training her classmates to become stronger. She made friends with people so far below her status that the council was starting to question Tsunade about it.

So that plan backfired. Fine. Then she came up with the plan of withholding all the high level jutsu that every kunoichi could possibly drool over. Ai just smiled at her, telling her that she's probably not ready for it anyway. At first, the Godaime simply thought that Ai was just being polite, but after a whole year passed and the subject was never once even hinted at... well, that quickly got added to the growing list of backfired plans. After all, Ai needed to learn each of those jutsu in time, so she mislabelled them; purposely reducing two grades from each jutsu she taught. So what Ai thought were E and D-ranked jutsu, we actually C and B ranked. Then when Ai made gennin, Tsunade started having her learn A-ranked jutsu... after all, it had to be consistent or it'd all fall apart.

So how did Ai take to it? With grace. The Senju heiress taught what she could to her teammates, to her friends. Even to Hyuuga Hinata. Tsunade was more than a little shocked when she found out that Ai had been conspiring to turn the shyest Hyuuga in history, into a woman worthy of the Uzumaki namesake! Being practically raised by Senju-Uzumaki Mito, it isn't hard to see how impossible that should be. Mito was the most level-headed Uzumaki in history, yet it's her passion and vigour that Tsunade became famous for! What's worse, is that Ai told Hinata that all the jutsu she could teach were probably below her skill set (obviously not true) and tried to compensate by also teaching her Fuuinjutsu! Hinata blossomed under the tutelage, of course. And as far as the elder Senju could tell, Hinata is well on her way to becoming Naruto's perfect bride. Once again revealing the humble genius carefully hidden away within her little girl.

Chalk it up to yet another failure. Even knowing that Tsunade had to keep her distance, Ai still managed to ensnare her. Sure, Tsunade managed to convince herself at the time that Ai simply needed some kinks worked out; heaven knows no one would blame her if they'd seen what Tsunade had seen. So in counselling her charge, Tsunade noticed something...

Another long tug. Another empty bottle. "Che. This isn't as good as it used to be." Tsunade reached into her drawer and took out her final bottle of sake... the bottle that Ai bought her as an apology after the Inuzuka incident. Seeing no reason not to, she opened the bottle and sipped at it. The flavour is more delicate than she's used to, but that's mostly because expensive sake is kind of a waste when all you want to do is get drunk and forget.

Each counselling session with Ai ended with both of them healing just a little. Ai looked happier and acted more her age. Tsunade felt happier and no longer cared about her age. "I'm fifty-four today you know." She doesn't even know, or care, why she's telling her guest any of this. She isn't even remotely affected by the pervasive silence she's met with; she thanks her buzz.

"Tsunade, is there some reason you need me here?" Uchiha Sasuke finally asks. It isn't uncommon for Tsunade to invite clan heads into her home this late in the evening, but it IS a bit uncomfortable that this one happens to be married to her protégé.

"Shizune informs me that Sakura gave birth to a healthy baby girl. What did you name her?" The gentle warmth in her smile disarmed Sasuke's usual broody tendencies. He couldn't hold back a smile of his own, thinking about his daughter.

"Mikoto. Sakura said that it was only right to name her after my mother." The two thought about that for a moment. Uchiha Mikoto was said to have been the most skilled kunoichi to ever grace the clan - regardless of the fact that most discredit women as a rule of thumb. "She even looks just like Ka-san. Same hair, same eyes. She even has the same smile."

Tsunade is briefly tempted to point out that no six-day-old is capable of smiling, that it was probably gas. Thinking about the first time she saw Ai smile though... she understands the sentiment too well to ruin it. "If there is anyone that can understand what I have to say, Uchiha... I believe it's you. I have a favour to ask, from one parent to another."

8-8

End Interlude 3