Downtown : 5:18pm : 118 days
Heavy breathing, hands calloused, forehead sweaty. Shirt filthy with the stains of your mistakes.
"I'm gonna go in. When they target me I want you to shoot them. I'll lose, but I don't really give a damn." You gave a breathy smile as your back was currently against a wall.
Ignis was to whom you spoke. He looked as though he hated the idea. He wanted to be the fall guy, but you weren't going to let him. He always took the fall. This was your chance to go out heroically.
"I don't thi-" He started.
"Let's be real Scientia. I'm definitely more of the kamikaze type." You smiled, "Besides, the sooner we're done with this the sooner we can go eat."
Just as you were coming out from behind the wall, you heard the voices of Prompto and Noctis yelling.
"Dammit!" Prompto shouted. "I thought you were Iggy!"
Taking a look, you saw that both the boys accidentally shot one another.
"Hahaha! What idiots!" You laughed
Your laughter only ceased when you lowered your gun and pulled the trigger on yourself. Pink paint splattered your foot.
"Wait! That doesn't count!" You worriedly spoke.
"Haaaa! It does!" Noctis laughed at you equally as hard as you did him.
You felt so lame. Why did it have to be like this? No sense in being a baby about it. You just gave into the laughter.
"I'm hungry." Prompto got out the last bit of his hilarity.
"Come on. I know a good place." You smiled, "Maybe we can come back for a couple more rounds if we're up to it."
Noctis looked at his paint covered clothes, "We're going like this?"
"Yeah. It's not like we're going to some fancy restaurant. Feast like us commoners your highness." You giggled.
The four of you packed in into Ignis' car. He was not too thrilled about you all getting in with paint on your clothes, but it was dry, so who cared, right?
About 10 minutes away was a nice little burger establishment you often went to. Secretly Noctis loved when you took him to places like this. It was the reason you two became friends so fast. You introduced him to the world of being an average citizen.
After the four of you ordered, you took your food and sat outside to enjoy the cold breeze.
"When I get back it won't be winter anymore. I can't wait." You spoke before taking a sip of your drink.
Truly you were excited for the season change. It had been cold for so long, you almost forgot what the other seasons felt like. It would be good to see the blossomed flowers when you came back. Fitting for your arrival.
"Yup. When you get back it'll be spring. The flowers are gonna be so nice." Prompto smiled at the thought.
"It's gonna be weird with you gone." Noctis sighed. "Quieter."
"Just say you're gonna miss me." You reached across the table to pinch his cheek. "It's okay to show a little emotion."
He swatted your hand away. "Yeah, whatever. Anyway, if you and Gladio call it quits for good are we never gonna hang out as a full group again?"
"No, I would never do that." You shook your head. "He's welcomed anywhere. So even if we don't, I promise not to make it weird. He was your friend long before he was ever mine. Gladio is an amazing person. I couldn't shut him out like that."
Even the thought sickened you. If you couldn't have him as a lover than a friend would have to do. Still, your selfish mind didn't even want that. But something was better than nothing.
"So where are you going to train?" Ignis turned to you. "I assume somewhere distant considering the length of your departure."
You shrugged, "No idea. Maybe Altissia? My aunt doesn't clue me in on shit. Hell she'll probably take me straight to Niflheim and be like 'Surprise! Now use that anger you have toward me to fuel you! Kay bye!' Seriously, that's some shit she'd pull." You laughed.
While you were so busy laughing you didn't realize that no one else was sharing the moment with you. The topic of you leaving for good was still fresh on everyone's mind, and it was too soon to make light of it.
Noctis just stared at you, "That's not funny."
Prompto nodded in agreement, "Yeah, that's not actually gonna happen is it?" His curious eyes locked onto you hoping for an affirming answer.
You rolled your eyes, "No, of course not. My aunt is cold but she's not heartless."
The four of you sat in silence as you continued to eat. It was thick with tension. You shouldn't have made that comment. It got everyone thinking, including yourself.
"It won't happen you guys. I was just kidding." You spoke out to reiterate your point.
"I don't like this." Noctis set down the fry in his hand. "I can't sit around and fake like everything is okay. I don't like your plan. I think it's shit. I think you should just stay here in Insomnia. If you really wanna fight Niflheim then start training to be a glaive or something."
You shook your head, "Not everything in this world is as easy as quitting, Noctis. I love you guys. You're everything to me. If you having a future means I have to lay down my life then I'll do it with no regrets. This is bigger than just you and I."
A dainty smile adorned your face. "Time will pass and you guys may not even remember what I look like, or I you... but I'll always remember how you made me feel."
"Stop!" The prince blurted. "I don't even wanna think that way."
You were so taken aback by him yelling at you. It seemed like the more he thought about it the more upset he got.
"How long have you known?" Noctis grimaced.
You remained quiet as though you didn't know the answer. You did though. As soon as he asked, the answer popped right into your head.
"Well 77 days ago my aunt sai-"
"You know that's not what I meant!" He barked.
The boy was right. You knew he wasn't talking about the beginning of your days. In all honesty you knew ever since you moved to Insomnia as a young girl.
"Are you sure you wanna know the answer?" Your voice lowered in sadness.
"That long ago huh? And you never thought to tell me until 2 months before you leave for good?" He grit his teeth.
"I'm not gonna make excuses. So fuck me. Is that what you wanna hear? Fuck me! I'm a piece of shit friend! I don't deserve any of you guys! So fine I'll just, I'll go."
You walked out of the establishment feeling both sad and angry. You were angry at Noctis, but you knew you didn't have the right. Still, didn't he know how hard this was on you? He couldn't have, or else he probably wouldn't have asked the questions he did.
"You won't go after her?" Ignis questioned Noctis.
The stubborn boy furrowed his brows and shook his head without a word. He wasn't going to chase after someone who claimed to be his best friend but had been lying for so long.
"Noctis, sometimes you have to put yourself in another person's shoes. She is not receptive to anger, and expressing yourself accordingly is only going to leave you with more unanswered questions." The blond shook his head in disappointment of you both.
"Of course you're on her side." The raven haired boy grumbled, "You always are. Why won't you go after her then if you're so concerned?"
Ignis pushed his glasses up a smidgen. It was as though he were content with the statement. "Because I don't have to. She knows where I stand. She knows I support her completely."
It was beginning to become too much; did you press on or turn around to apologize? The latter was not really an option. You already tried that way. You weren't expecting anyone to chase after you, but it would have felt good if they did. Like they may have cared.
Two months was a long time to think. Perhaps when you returned he wouldn't be mad at you, or worse, his sitting on it would just make him more irate. A heartbroken ex and a hurt friend. Ah, your life was shaping up to be a wonderful thing, now wasn't it?
Your emotional state remained the same during your walk home. You were completely oblivious to your surroundings at this point. Why did you have to befriend anyone? Being lonely was better than hurting people.
Never had you planned to walk from downtown to home in your crisp paint splattered clothes. Maybe you looked pathetic to people, but it mattered not. The only opinions you cared about were of people who weren't currently speaking to you.
You didn't have the energy to go inside your house, so instead, you just sat on the porch and thought for a while… a long while.
.
Home : 9:32pm : 118 days
There was just a slight shiver to you now. It was cold, but not freezing. You were tired, but too jittery to fall asleep. Would you really leave things like this? It wasn't your call, but everyone knew what time you were going to leave come tomorrow.
If they had any final thoughts or opinions they wanted to share, they could tell you then. For now, it was time to hit the mattress whether you liked it or not. You stood up to head inside, but as you did you could hear the footsteps of a person approaching your house.
Before you turned around, they spoke, "You should never go to sleep angry you know."
Ah, of course, Gladiolus. How did he know you were angry anyway? How did he know you'd be home by now? Well, he did know you were leaving tomorrow, and he probably wanted to drop off his final thoughts as a farewell.
Finally you faced the man that was just feet away. It seemed at this point his very presence was enough to get your eyes watery. Guess you weren't over it, or the thought of losing him.
"Well, some things you just can't control." You shrugged. "I have to wake up early anyway, so if you don't mind…"
"No, I do mind actually." He walked closer to you, but not much. "Why do you do this? You hold all the cards and you don't ever deal them equally. You give the information that you want to give, and when you get called out for it you play the victim."
Your head shook. Was this really why he came? To argue? On any given day you wouldn't back down, but not this night. You were too drained and tired. A fight is the last thing you wanted, and you weren't going to fan the flames.
"I don't want to fight with you Gladiolus. If you want to hear me call myself a piece of shit or self deprecate for you, I've got about 5 minutes to lend." Your eyes had reached a point beyond sadness. They were just numb and empty as you looked at him.
"That's not what I came here for." He shook his head disappointingly, "I just wanted you to own up is all, but it looks like I won't be getting that."
Your shoulders came up to a shrug, "I don't know what else I could possibly own up to. I told you that I'm leaving. I assume you've talked to Noctis by now, so you know that I've known about my leave for a very long time. What else do you want to hear from me? I have nothing else to offer."
He paused and let the noise of the city fill your ears just momentarily. "Was this relationship ever real to you, or were you using me for comfort before you left?"
That question, it was like a dagger to the heart. How could he ever question that? It made sense in this case however. If you knew you were going to leave then you probably wanted someone to help ease your mind in that time. Even if you knew you'd have to give him up, he was at least nice to have in the moment. No, that wasn't how you felt at all.
Emotionally drained is what you thought you were, but after a question like that, you had just enough passion in reserve to tell him exactly how you felt.
Your eyes remained locked with his as you walked closer to him. "Don't ever question that. Don't you EVER question that Gladiolus Amicita. I never used you for comfort. I loved you. There were nights where I lay awake thinking about giving up everything I worked for because of you. I don't expect you to believe me now, but this is me being candid. You said that even if I left without a word it wouldn't have been a waste of your time, but now you're suddenly feeling like it is?"
"I never said that." He rose his voice at you, "I never said that I felt like my time was wasted! I just don't know what to trust when it comes to you anymore!"
A laugh surfaced from you; sarcastic of course. "Oh, you don't know what to trust? Maybe that would be warranted if you found out about my situation instead of me telling you! I told you because I respect you! I never lied, I just omitted the truth!"
"Maybe next time you should lead with the truth and people wouldn't be so upset!" He snapped back.
"Right." You nodded, "Oh hi, would you like to be my boyfriend? I have less than 200 days to spend with you, but that's okay because I'm a good fucking person to be around! You wouldn't have given me a chance if I lead with that shit, would you?!"
The silence crept up on the two of you again. It was an interesting scenario you just brought to light. If you were honest about your situation would Gladio have still went after you? The moment of stillness seemed deathly long. It was like time froze itself.
Gladio crossed his arms, "Well I guess we'll never know."
"That's your answer?" You nodded, "You're wrong, we will know actually…" You took a step back toward your house, "You take this 2 months apart to figure out what the hell you wanna do. Then we'll answer the age-old question."
Your voice got more sarcastic as you spoke, "Then we'll see what's really going on in that mind of yours. Until then, goodnight. I have a big day tomorrow as we both know and I don't want to lose any more sleep."
It was hard to turn away from the man in the way that you did, but you had to leave. Parting with bitter words was never the greatest feeling, but there was so much going on that it was hard to control the words you spoke at this point. Why did things have to be so complicated?
The selfish part of you wished that he would ride out the 58 days with you, but the caring part of you wanted to end it all right here for his sake. You knew there was practically no chance of you finding love after him, but he definitely had one.
It would hurt, but even if he moved on during the 2 months, you'd be fine with that deep down. Again, it was about his happiness; for the long term anyway. You may have just yelled at him and fought, but it was honestly out of love.
Seemed silly to think that way, but perhaps he could see that too. If you didn't argue with him then that would be something to worry about. Only people who care are willing to put their emotions out there the way you did.
You headed inside past the living room and to your own. You nestled in under the blanket and stared up at the ceiling. Is this what it would be like when you returned? Hopefully no more arguing… not from anyone.
It made you think about the events that happened today though. Even starting back with Noctis from just a few hours ago. Were you wrong to withhold that information, yes. Were you wrong to fear his reaction to the news, no.
Your fists balled up as you clenched the blankets just thinking about it. There's always a higher road to take, and you felt as though you didn't take any of them tonight.
The guys probably felt torn on who to side with. You didn't want that to happen either. Besides, you knew how they felt, and their support was with you even if they weren't.
You weren't mad at Prompto or Ignis for not asking if you were okay. You knew they were all using one another as an emotional crutch right now. You wouldn't hold it against them. Noctis needed them more than you did. If not for emotional support, then to smack some sense into him.
Feeling like a bad friend was something you weren't used to. Maybe time apart from all of them would shape up to be a good thing. Hopefully some clarity would come to both you and them. A new lease on life maybe?
Seemed like the best thing to do now was pack up for tomorrow. You didn't know what to bring, but it wouldn't be too much.
You untucked yourself from your blanket and headed to your closet. If you knew your aunt as well as you thought you did, she was probably going to be against bringing any sort of suitcase.
Again you fidgeted with the red diamond necklace you wore. You contemplated taking it off and leaving it here. No, you couldn't. It hadn't come off in years. It would feel too weird removing it now.
"Maybe I'll just bring this?" You held up a single black shirt. "Ughhh, fuck it I'll do it in the morning!" You fell back to the floor once again looking up at the ceiling.
You'd lay awake until your eyes were literally too heavy to keep open. Tomorrow was the second worse day you were dreading. It was going to be intense, but you could do it if you kept your mind right.
.
Home : 5:30am : 117 days
"We're leaving in 30 minutes. If you have any last phone calls to make then do it now. I don't wanna hear any regrets on the road. You hear me?"
You nodded, "Yes ma'am. I don't think anyone wants to hear from me right about now."
All you would send is a regular goodbye group text to the quartet. Goodbyes were so melodramatic anyway. This would be for the best.
You slung your backpack over your shoulder, "No need to wait. Let's just go."
Didn't take much convincing there. All was set and ready. Before you knew it, the two of you were on the road and heading for the Insomnian boarder.
Your pocket vibrated, and you pulled it out to see that you had an incoming call. It was Prompto, and for the long time you've known him his ring tone has always been the same, but through your filtered ears it sounded so much more urgent, although it was the same melodic chime.
"Hello?" You picked up.
"You're leaving right now?" The blond boy spoke in a panicked tone.
You on the other hand were more relaxed. You accepted all that you'd been given by both life and your friends. There was a bounciness to your voice; almost cheerful.
"Yes, I told you this. I must get going though. I head past the Insomnia boarder in a few minutes and I don't want roaming fees." You chuckled at your ridiculous joke.
"I'm just... gonna really miss you... Be safe.."
You smiled from his words. They were so warm and delicate. "I'm gonna miss you two, but it's only two months. It'll be quick. Tell the guys that I'll miss them too okay? I love you Prompto. Take care."
He was probably too busy getting choked up to reply right away, so you just finished for him. "See ya in 60."
You ended the call and sighed. Tough, but such was life.
"May I ask you where we are headed?" You looked over to your aunt.
"Home." She replied simply.
"Home? ...but home is back there, well, here in Insomnia. I'm sorry, home?" You frowned a bit confused.
She pointed at the bag behind your seat. "Once we get past the boarder you will put those on and don't say a word."
You looked into the bag and it was black garbs just like the ones she wore. What was the meaning of this? She was being so weird and offering no answers.
"Forgotten already have you? Pity." She shook her head, "Your memory will return the closer we get."
Your heart began to race. Was your conversation with the boys really coming true? Was she taking you to the worlds edge that was Niflheim? No way! She couldn't be!
You swallowed hard on your saliva. "You aren't taking me... to Nif-"
"I already told you where I am taking you. It's not some hidden message, but if you can't figure it out then so be it." The woman snapped at you. "Now put those clothes on. We have a boat to catch and it's going to be a long ride."
You did as you were told and hardened your heart. You had to prepare for anything beyond this point. If you were being lead to Niflheim, you couldn't falter.
There was what felt like a golf ball sized lump in your throat. You had to keep it down. No more crying. One thing that bothered you was now realizing how right Noctis was for being mad at you. He was totally justified, and you hated thinking that way.
Your hands shook as you began to put the clothes on, and it was just like hers. All was covered but the eyes. They were hot, and the material weighed heavy. It was clear that you were hiding for some reason. That reason being unanswered.
It was weird seeing the outskirts of Insomnia in this light. You felt like a different person, really. The beat of your heart drummed even faster as the car drove deeper into this vast world.
"You may want to go to sleep. It'll be a long ride." You aunt softly spoke to you.
How could you sleep? Your instinct told you that you'd be waking up in a place you didn't know and that you didn't like.
"Sure." You replied hesitantly.
Moving your seat back, you lowered your eyelids but kept them open just enough see the road. You weren't going to let one get pulled over on you. Why was your trust in her so shaken? She was tough, but as you stated to the guys she wasn't heartless.
Either way there was miles of road ahead of you, and you had to mentally prepare for anything… It was quite early still, and the cool gust of air conditioning was sending you right off to sleep.
She said you two had a boat to catch which possibly alluded to the fact that you were going to Altissia. So if that were the case, you definitely would be woken up before you got there. Maybe it was safe to rest your eyes for now. Be on guard, but rest.
You let the bumpy road be your rocker, and with that you fell fast asleep. Shameful in a way. How could you rest under these circumstances? The true question was, how could you allow yourself to lay awake.
Perhaps when you woke up it would be much better. You would get answers. Maybe when you woke up you'd be back in Insomnia. Grasping at straws, yes, but a much better thought to sleep to than Niflheim.