Disclaimer: Do I ever own anything?
Summery: What if Sanzo was actually a woman? How long will she able to keep it a secret? And how will the others react when they find out? Read what it would be like if Sanzo was actually a woman!
Pairing: Sanzo x Just about everyone
Note: This is just going to be the basic original story in the books, with a few minor changes.
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The Sanzo party went back to the mountain pass, only to find it filled in by trees.
"How odd." said Hakkai.
"Right? When we were here before... th' mountain entrance wasn't like that, was it?" asked Goku.
"No. The foliage wasn't nearly so dense." said Sanzo. "Can woods get like that in three or four days?"
"Uh..Hm. I'm quite sure the entrance was around here a few days ago." said Hakkai. "Searching this area hasn't proven anything otherwise, so I say we trust our memory."
"Yeah! It was totally here, right? Let's just hack our way an' find out!" said Goku.
"Um. Goku, that's not the--" Hakkai started, but Goku had already vanished into the bushes. A few seconds later he came back out.
"Wha?" he said. He charged back in, only to come out again. "Whaaaa–?!"
"Give it a rest." said Sanzo flatly. Hakkai looked thoughtful.
"I see. That would explain the oddity. This place appears to have a barrier." he said.
"A barrier? Here? But why?" asked Goku.
"I don't know. But it certainly wasn't here the last time." replied Hakkai.
"Nobody in town's seen Gojyo in days. He must have gone into the mountain." said Sanzo. "Which means he's in he barrier. Which means it was probably set by--"
"'Kami-sama.'" finished Hakkai.
"Crud. That's bad, right?" said Goku. "He'll get stuck in there forever." Sanzo sighed.
"Et's just leave his turncoat ass. This is more trouble than he's worth." she said as she turned.
"Sanzooo!" whined Goku.
"We had to turn around and waste all that time getting here. Returning empty handed would be such a shame." said Hakkai. "You know what they say: 'If you're going to eat poison, might as well eat the plate.'" Sanzo was silent.
"But plates don't taste good." said Goku totally not getting it.
"That's not what I meant." said Hakkai. Sanzo ignored them and pulled out her gun.
"If the barrier was made with nen... It should break from a physical attack reinforced by nen." she said as she clicked it. She the shot some bullets into the barrier and a few minutes later, they came shooting back.
"GAAAAAH! I knew it!" yelled Goku as they all dodged. "What on earth are you doing, Sanzo?!"
"Experimenting! So shut it!" yelled Sanzo.
"Whew! I-I thought I was a goner." said Goku when the bullets stopped.
"Anyway. This barrier isn't thought– It's made with some kind of spell." said Sanzo.
"Is there a way to break it?" Hakkai asked.
"Should be but... I'd rather not. It's the last thing on my 'fun' list." replied Sanzo.
"Sanzo?" said Hakkai questioningly.
"Wait. Is th' Jutsu that dangerous?" asked Goku.
"Goku." said Sanzo. "It might need you."
"Huh?"
//Later//
"S-Sanzo?" said Goku as Sanzo wrote on him with ink.
"Hn. And Maybe a little... Hn." Sanzo said. He face didn't show it, but she was actually enjoying this.
"Sanzo! What the heck're you doin'?!" Goku yelled, cherry red, wearing only his boxers. Hakkai laughed.
"You look wonderful, Goku." he said.
"With those tantras on your body, you can go inside the shield." sid Sanzo as he set her brush down. "There should be a charm or mirror near the entrance. It's what's creating the barrier. Break it and we're in."
"But why me?!" whined Goku.
"Only Sanzo can write the tantars... And I have more surface area than you, thus requiring more work." said Hakkai.
'Not to mention if we had to write the tantars on Sanzo, not only would she kill us, but Goku would find out that Sanzo is a woman, thus sending poor Goku into a coma from shock.' he silently added. Goku growled.
"Stupid... Graa!" Then he ran into the forest and few seconds later they heard his scream of rage as he broke the barrier.
"Oh, my. He's really mad this time." said Hakkai. "I wonder how he would react if he knew you were a girl...(Don't we all?)."
"Don't even go there." said Sanzo. "...I think he broke the first barrier."
"So it would seem." said Hakkai.
"Feh. How like him to throw a tantrum." said Sanzo.
//later//
Goku came up for a breath after trying to wash the ink off.
"How's it coming, Goku? Have you washed them all off?" Hakkai called from the bank.
"NO!" yelled Goku. "What kind of ink is this?!" Hakkai laughed.
"My, this is almost like a picnic. We're a little family!" he said.
"I disagree with every fiber of my being." said Sanzo flatly.
"...Let's talk, Sanzo." said Hakkai suddenly.
"About what?" she asked, but she had a feeling she already knew.
"Why would that Kami-sama fellow set up a barrier now?" Hakkai asked.
"Hell if I know. Ask him yourself." said Sanzo. "We're sure to bump into the nut bar eventually."
"Ah. I suppose you're right." said Hakkai.
"Sanzo! Hakkai! Lookit this!" Goku suddenly yelled as he ran towards them.
"Something wrong?" asked Hakkai.
"Look what I found by the river over there!" he said as he handed Hakkai a smoke.
"It looks like a hi-lite." said Hakkai. "That's a sure sign of Gojyo if I've ever seen one.He must be beyond--" He stopped when he saw the insurmountable overgrowth. All their faces were priceless.
//Meanwhile//
"Dammit!!" Tsuki yelled as he slammed his fists on a table. Right now he was in a old library, reading through many, many books. He had spent days trying to find some possible way to prevent Sanzo's death! But no matter how many books he searched through, he couldn't do it. He couldn't find a way to save Sanzo.
"Dammit! This isn't right! I'm the grim reaper! I'm suppose to decide who lives, and who dies! I'm suppose to decide..." he cried as he fell to the floor. The image of blood came to his mind. He shook his head. "No! No, dammit! I won't let that happen, not again! There's always a way! It's just always hard to see, that's all!" Then suddenly something came to his mind. "Wait a minute... I just remembered something... That's it!"
//Back to Sanzo//
"Sanzo. Are we still alive over there?" Hakkai asked as they climbed some frickin' huge stairs. Sanzo who, was panting replied,
"First the barrier from hell. Then the mountain with no trail. And now, the icing on the cake– The longest goddamn staircase in the history of mankind."
"Heeey! Sanzo, Hakkai, hurry up!" yelled Goku who was ahead of them.
"Shut your trap! We're not all jocks." yelled Sanzo.
"Odd." said Hakkai as he wiped his forehead. "There's something not quite right about this fog."
"What?"
"Somehow I doubt it's natural. Like when we were trapped in that forest one time." explained Hakkai.
'If another demon dog appears, I'm outta here.' Sanzo thought as she remembered her time with the demon dog.
"Do be careful. We may already be in Kami-sama's hands." Hakkai continued. Just then a figure stepped out of the mist. It was...
"Gojyo!" exclaimed Goku when he saw him.
"Son of a bitch!" exclaimed 'Gojyo.' "What are you doing here?"
"What kind of question is that?!" yelled Goku. "Why're you here? An' where's that crazy god guy?!"
"Glad you asked– I just schooled the little turd. That's what he get's for messin' with Gojyo. Boom!" said Gojyo cheerfully. Too cheerful for Sanzo. "Anyway, let's scram. There's nothing left to do here."
"...Gojyo." said Goku from behind him.
"Yeah?" said Gojyo. Suddenly Goku punched him and he fell to the ground.
"What the– OW!" he yelled as Hakkai stepped on his hand.
"I'm surprised you dare to come back as if nothing ever happened. The very nerve." he said pleasantly.
"Ha–Hakkai?" said Gojyo as he looked up at him. Sanzo pulled out her gun and aimed it at him.
"If you think we dragged ourselves here to get you, you're out of your pea sized mind." she hissed. "Do you realize how much effort you made us waste? Time to take it out of your goddamn hide." They all looked like devils.
"...Wha? Hang on a– AAGH!" Gojyo exclaimed as Sanzo shot a few bullets very close to his head.
"Stop squirming and you'll die peacefully." she told him.
"Shit!" Gojyo cursed as he summoned his weapon. They all jumped back as he swung it.
"Hey, watch th' blade!" yelled Goku.
"Get talking!" Gojyo yelled. "How'd you know I'm a fake." They stared at him.
'He's a fake...?' they all thought.
"Whatever– It doesn't matter! Wanna get past? You'll have to kill me first!" he yelled as he attacked Goku, who summoned his weapon and blocked.
"Goku! If it helps inspire you, pretend he's the real one!" Hakkai called.
"Good call!" Goku called back.
"Huh?" said the fake Gojyo as Goku glared up at him.
"This garbage is all your fault!" he yelled as he whacked him back. "Sanzo's all pissy, Hakkai's frickin' scary... An' I spent the afternoon gettin' painted on!"
"Really." said Hakkai as the fake Gojyo landed in front of him. He grabbed it's arm. "The next time you feel the need to desert, please refrain from doing so. Am I clear?" he said as he broke it. The fake Gojyo began to scream in pain.
"It's like that fantasy I keep having." said Sanzo with a evil grin as she pointed her gun at his head. "I get to pull the trigger on your rage inspiring face."
"Wait! P-please! Can't we--" he didn't even get to finish before Sanzo shot him. The fake suddenly turned into a bunch of beads.
Hakkai put his hands on his hips.
"No, that certainly wasn't satisfying. The real thing would have fought back a bit." he sighed.
"Man– I got hungry for nothin'." said Goku.
"All right. Rehearsal's over. Let's kill ourselves something genuine." said Sanzo. They started walking again and finally made it to the top where they saw Gojyo fighting with Kami-Samz in the temple. And losing at that. Sanzo pulled out her and shot the beads that were strangling him, which broke.
"Wh-What just--" Gojyo started as he held his neck.
"Tch. You pathetic little tart." said Sanzo from the doorway.
"Guys! B-but..." Gojyo trailed off. Then Goku walked over to him and kicked him in the face. Then the others began to kick him as well.
"Hey! Ow! What're you– AGH!" yelled Gojyo as they kicked him. "Stop it goddammit! What the hell is wrong with you?!"
"What indeed." said Hakkai when they stopped. "Didn't I warn you that using cans as ashtrays will earn you retribution?" Then he smiled down at Gojyo, who grinned back.
"Right. Sorry." he said.
"Hate to rain on your parade... But the disposal of this waste of skin is rightfully ours." said Sanzo as she faced Kami-sama and stood in front of Gojyo. "I'd highly suggest you stay out of our affairs."
"Crap." said Gojyo with a sweat drop.
"Nuh-uh." said Kami-sama. "You can't my new toy."
"If you will recall, no one handed Gojyo over in the first place." said Hakkai flatly.
"Yeah! So take that!" yelled Goku.
"Hey!" yelled Gojyo. "I'm killing this girly punk, got that?! You think I'd just leave after coming this far and saying 'I humbly intrude'?!"
"Bah. You were losing when we showed." said Sanzo.
"Yeah, yeah." said Goku as he cracked his knuckles. "Then less talkie, more fightie!" Gojyo stared at him the smirked,
"Aw. Is the little monkey talking tough?"
"Shaddup, ya hairy, stubbly cockroach!" yelled Goku. Hakkai let out a sigh.
"Ah. It feels so good to be back." he said.
"I'm astounded by the stupidity." was all Sanzo said.
Suddenly Kami-sama began to laugh.
"...What's so funny?" Sanzo asked him.
"You guys are great! You really thing you can beat me!" he laughed. "But you're weak! You're so weak! You'd never beat me in a million years!" The Sanzo Party glared him evilly. "You! Mister Blondie! You're a Sanzo priest, right?"
"What's it to you?" Sanzo growled.
"You really shouldn't bother. You're not worthy of the job." Kami-sama as he looked at her with mockery and... Lust? "After all... People like you shouldn't be monks."
"And what the hell is that suppose to mean?!" snarled Goku. Kami-sama blinked.
"You don't know? You really don't know, that's so funny!" he laughed. "You should see your friend for what she really is!" Just then a string of prayer beads attacked Sanzo and... tore off her clothes, so now she was only wearing her undergarments(A/N: That sick Pervert!!)! Sanzo immediately turned redder than Gojyo's hair as the boys all stared.
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I know this one was shorter than the others, but hey! On a brighter note, Goku and Gojyo finally know that San-chan is a girl! And if they don't figure it, then they're REALLY dumb.
Poll results so far are:
Goku-12
Hakkai-7
Gojyo- 10
Kougaiji-4
Tsuki- 6