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Look down ye gods and on this couple drop a blessed crown.-Gonzalo, the Tempest.
"It was such a lovely ceremony, you really should have been there Mr. uh, Mr…"
"My name is not important, but I must thank you ever so much Minister for telling me about it, I always enjoyed weddings, even when I cannot attend I do love to hear about them."
"Well, I had best get going, I have a sermon in an hour, have a pleasant day."
"You as well." You miserable old fool.
It really is contemptible just how easy it is to addle the minds of those that are not blessed with the Force. It is as easy and as natural to me as breathing really. With but a small exertion of will I can alter my appearance in the eyes of others, making me completely unrecognizable even to those who should recognize me, making my task all the easier.
Another gift granted by the Force is the power of persuasion. Normally Naboo holy men are honor bound to keep marriages secret should the couple wish for it, but such promises are as empty and as hollow as the void itself when the power of the Darkside becomes involved. The conversation which just took place has been quite enlightening, not to mention amusing.
Anakin Skywalker and Padme Amidala have just gotten married.
That the two of them are a couple is not a surprise to me, not at all. It was I who put them in the prime position to get together afterall, but not even I would have thought that the relationship would have progressed so fast into actual marriage.
After all, they only just barely knew each other for a short time, then they were separated for over ten years, and then, after a mere couple of weeks of reunification they decided to get married.
Were they really both THAT desperate?
Apparently.
I had expected the relationship to take a little more time to blossom and develop, and so naturally I am surprised at the ease and speed with which things developed. It is not an undesirable notion, not at all. This suits my plans quite well actually. I'm just pleasantly surprised.
Then again their prospects weren't exactly what one would consider stellar. After all, he was a member of an Order that had forsworn all romantic relationships and attachments and she was a former Queen and Senator. No time for a love life with a busy schedule like that now is there?
They do have one thing in common though I suppose; they are both incredibly stunted when it comes to emotional development.
I've always found psychology to be a most fascinating subject, and I have no doubt that the minds of these two lovers would be the wet dream of any analyst.
Let us start with dear Senator Amidala, shall we? She is quite the consummate little politician, isn't she? She was always going on and on about duty, service, democracy etc. while surrounded by nothing but aids and bootlicking stooges. She didn't have much experience with romance aside from a rather disastrous courtship with one Senator Clovis, but the less said about that little fiasco the better. She was completely ignorant for the most part about how real relationships worked. To be honest I believe she got most of her knowledge on love from those dime a dozen holonovels that publishers insist on flooding the market with. It is a rather dull and sterile environment, the world of politics, especially if you are an honest politician (dishonest politicians being a completely different story. Oh the tales I could tell about Orn Free Ta and those red skinned Twi'lek girls would make even the coarsest fiend blush.) so naturally she sought a little excitement for her increasingly dreary life.
And of course there is Anakin. Oh Anakin, you messed up little twit, whatever are we to do with you? The only real female contact he ever had was with his mother. The Jedi that just so happened to be female don't really count, since most Jedi are practically asexual to begin with. So he had absolutely no experience with love at all. The feelings he developed for her were warped and unfamiliar. He had no way of really knowing what he was going through.
The worst part of course were the conversations, if they can be called that. One of the benefits of being the Supreme Chancellor of the Republic is that you have access to a virtually unlimited network of spies and saboteurs. It was relatively easy for me to have my agents bug Senator Amidala's quarters, both on Coruscant and at the Lake House on Naboo.
Goodness gracious, these two are absolutely pathetic to watch and hear. It seems that Padme wasn't the only one secretly reading bad romance fiction.
"When I'm around you, my mind is no longer my own."
"Anakin: If you are suffering as much as I am, please tell me.
Padme: I can't... We can't... It's not possible.
Anakin: Anything is possible, Padme, listen to me.
Padme: No you listen! We live in a real world, come back to it. You're studying to become a Jedi, I'm... I'm a senator. If you follow your thoughts through to conclusion, it will take us to a place we cannot go, regardless of the way we feel about each other.
Anakin: Then you do feel something!
Padme: I will not let you give up your future for me.
Anakin: You're asking me to be rational. That is something that I know I cannot do. Believe me, I wish I could just wish away my feelings, but I can't."
Who talks like this? This has to be the most amusingly awful conversation that I have heard in a long time, and I once sat through a speech given by Jar Jar Binks! How could these two possibly fall for one another so quickly given such horrendous speech? Though I do admit that their value as entertainment just for the sheer wretchedness of it all is worth its weight in gold. If it wasn't for the fact that they were my inferior subordinates I would surely invite Pestage and Amedda over to my apartment to watch and listen to them completely butcher the spoken language with their cliche pick up lines. Oh well, more popcorn for me.
And their personalities! By the Force, how can they stand one another? Anakin, powerful though he is has the mental capacity of a spoiled nine year old. He is stubborn, petulant, kvetching, possessive, self-absorbed, and frankly he doesn't have much in the common sense department. Which is all fine for me, it makes it quite easier to lead him on the path that I want him to tread. But how could any woman find this man's personality appealing?
Speaking of women and personality (or in this case lack thereof) we have Senator Amidala. For some reason I seem to loath her more personality wise than I do Anakin, perhaps because Skywalker is actually useful to me in my long term plans, while Amidala is only slightly useful in the short term. Never in my time in power though have I ever encountered a more naïve, self-righteous, preachy, taciturn individual. How can he stand such a demanding and stubborn woman?
Now that I give it further thought it is a miracle that my plan to get these two together actually worked so well. I amaze even myself I suppose. But how can two rational, sane human beings actually come to like each other when their personalities are so extreme?
With Anakin the answer is relatively straightforward; he is an obsessive sociopath in the making so desperate for affection and companionship that he would probably kill someone to get it (at least, that is what I am counting on.)
But Amidala, Amidala is a little more complicated. Is she lonely? Yes? Does she want affection and companionship? Of course. But I think that her little decision to marry Skywalker was aided along by two key factors; pity and desperation. The pity was reserved of course for Anakin, the poor fool. So desperate to please, constantly downtrodden, the glorified chew toy of life and plaything of the Force. How could you not pity that? I don't, but then again I'm not most people. Perhaps she mistook her pity for affection.
But the desperation, the desperation was all her own. She was alone, even in a crowd she was always alone. She had decided early on that her career came first. And so she sacrificed potential relationships in order to do her duty. And of course she became consumed by her work, unavailable to friends and family, unwilling to make the time to find love. The prime of youth passed her by without her really recognizing it, but deep down in her subconscious I know that she knew. She let opportunities pass through her fingertips. Men came and went, and she ignored them all. Only now did she recognize that she had wasted her time. Only now did she realize the magnitude of her exile from the rest of us.
She had built up a moat around herself without anyone to call friend. She had acquaintances of course, people she called friends. She had guards, allies and handmaidens that she was fond of, but the nature of her work and their work resulted in a relationship with others that was cold and arms-length at best.
Misery makes for strange bedfellows it would seem.
They were both alone, and the two of them recognized the depth of their loneliness, and deep down inside they despaired.
Perhaps they saw in one another a kindred spirit, perhaps they saw in one another their own lives and their own experiences. Or perhaps their standards were practically non-existent, thus warranting the two of them throwing caution to the wind. And maybe, just maybe, they got together because of the thrill of defying the standard hierarchy of things. Senators are not supposed to have affairs with Jedi, and Jedi do not have relationships at all. Their marriage is a rebellion against how society has dictated their stations in life to be. Perhaps the consummate politician and the Chosen Jedi got a little sick and tired of being paragons of virtue and honesty. Perhaps, deep within their very souls they craved a little corruption. Perhaps they yearned for each others touch because they desired the touch of darkness. What a delicious thought.
It makes one wonder though. How long could such a relationship last? How long could this animalistic lust keep the fire of passion going? Let us assume that my plans do not factor into the subject and these two lovebirds were free to live their secret little life together. How long could it last? If I had to guess it would be anywhere between five and ten years before the entire relationship fell apart.
That is the ultimate irony it seems. Since the dawn of civilization itself it seems as if practically every living creature has sought out this thing we call love. But there is no love. It is an illusion. It does not exist. We fabricated it in order to justify our actions.
Love is the greatest lie ever told in the history of civilization.
The reason people form relationships is nothing more than a biological process left over from our evolutionary ancestors that drives us to pass on our genetic material. The reason most people stay together after this process is finished is simply due to the indecipherable concept that most people are afraid of living and inevitably dying alone.
I never understood such irrational fears. There is nothing inherently wrong with the state of being alone. And yet people seem completely transfixed with and horrified at the notion of being alone for long stretches of time. Perhaps that is why we all fear death, for no one really knows for sure what is on the other side, and you can't bring others with you on that journey into the beyond.
Even when they were with groups of other people they were alone. They both think that no one but each other truly understands or appreciates them. They have always been alone. And now they take solace in the fact that they can be alone together. But the joy brought to them by matrimonial bliss shall be short lived. Anakin is possessive by nature. He has already lost his dear mother, and now he is desperate to save that which he claims to love above all else; his dear wife. His selfish desire of her is his greatest weakness, a weakness that I shall use to great effect in the next few years.
From the bottom of my black heart I offer my sincerest congratulations to the newlyweds, though for necessity's sake I must refrain from revealing to them that I have uncovered their darkest secret.
Look down ye gods and on this couple drop a blessed crown. But know that this joy is fleeting. In time your love shall shrivel and die as your meaner faculties take root. Then, and only then shall you come to me, desperately begging for a means to preserve that which you desire above all. And then, I, the man who by Providence divine united you shall divide you forever more, thus breaking the bonds of affection and binding you in chains to my service.
What you see as a brand new beginning is nothing more than the start of the end.
Oh, and have a pleasant honeymoon.
Last week my University put on a production of the Tempest that I really enjoyed (I went three times). But the one thing that always stuck with me the wrong way was the idea that Miranda and Ferdinand got together and decided to get married after only knowing each other for less than three hours. This seems to be a re occurring theme in fiction, with characters ending up together automatically instead of having the relationship build naturally. So I thought that I would apply that to Star Wars and to the famous (some would argue infamous) relationship between Anakin and Padme. I took a small amount of liberty with the amount of time they were together. We were never told just how long Anakin was playing bodyguard on Naboo, but I like to think that they spent at least two or three weeks together before deciding, "what the hell, lets get married!" As an aside massive props to the old lord Gonzalo. Keep on doing what you are doing man.