Dinner Date

by Castlefan6

Authors Note: Thisis my AU version to the events when Demming has dinner catered by Hung's China Sea, complete with the candlelight. Sometimes, a candle provides the light that is needed to get you out of the dark. Based on a prompt and request from mbeckettcastle or JC. This is for you; I hope I do it justice. There will be ANGST, Tons of it, if this is not your story, Thanks, hope you find what you're looking for.

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

A/N I'm sure the letter is going to generate a variety of responses, I wrote it from a man's POV that he finally manned up and called Kate out for things that had hurt him like he never did in Canon. IMO it will take a hell of a lot more than one letter, one I've changed, and I love you, for a man, any man to venture back to that environment. Your opinion may differ, and you're welcome to state such, AS LONG as they are respectful to me, other readers and our characters. Trolls will be deleted as always. Thx Tim

Chapter 25

Previously

"Rick if this works out between us, there can't be any skeletons in either of our closets, Kate is there now. Till she is gone, I know you love me, but will never fall in love with me. You need to be able to look at her, forgive her, and not feel the emotions you felt that drove you to England. If you can't then you need to go after her and start your new life and let me go. I love you, but I won't be second fiddle any longer, and I don't want to have to wonder who is it you're making love to when we are in bed, I don't think you would either. Take the time love, but please, please be honest with yourself, me and Kate."

*****************************************************************************/

Heathrow Airport

Sunday at 11:15 PM

Rick and Cricket boarded the plane looking forward to six whole weeks, at the Hamptons, sun surf and relaxation with his family and those Cricket had adopted as her own. Cricket assumed her position, grabbed Rick's hand and held on tight till the Jet leveled off at 40,000 feet, and the Flight Attendant offered her a drink to calm her nerves. Rick took a club soda, he knew something was weighing on Gina's mind, and he wanted to put an end to it as soon as he saw her.

Alexis had let it slip out that Gina was still afraid of losing Rick to Kate, because of the letter, and the lack of response left her in limbo, did he still love her, did he want to try to make a go of it with her, should she pack her bags and find a lonely hearts club to join. He had been so totally consumed by the book, first finishing it, then the edits first from Cricket, then the critical ones from LB and he definitely felt passion about some scenes. LB and he disagreed on one crucial point, until Rick explained the other points it supported subtly, and the edit was tossed, keeping it the way Rick wrote it.

Rick took out his laptop along with the letter that Kate had written, perhaps he could respond to it by the time he landed in a way that would prove to Gina, he wasn't running back to the Detective to be at her beck and call, those days were over. He didn't want to be cruel either, it wasn't his style to return hurt with hurt, but he wanted to point out the points that did hurt him more than others. Well, here goes the draft, he would have Gina edit it when she read it with him, it was what she needed, what They needed.

Dear Kate,

I was forwarded your letter by Gina, Yes, I heard and am aware of all that transpired since I departed, and all I can say is I'm sorry it had to happen. As for failure, I would agree there was plenty of that for you to share with others, rather than taking full ownership. You do own the fact you allowed conduct that I never thought I would see directed at the worst of the criminals we interviewed to flow my way, not only by your Boyfriend Demming, but you got in some pretty good shots yourself and Espo, well he took the sucker punch when he could.

You mentioned many things in the letter that Gina went the extra mile to insure I received, it took her a while but she was able to deliver, not an easy feat but that's all I'm going to say about that. You're right, I almost threw the letter in the trash, fully expecting it to be full of I'm sorry and it wasn't my fault, but you surprised me. You took ownership, perhaps too much in some areas, but it was a welcome change

I'm always looking for the story Detective, as you know, but this one is pretty self-telling, unless you surprise me again. I liked your visual reference to your Murder Board; it was a nice touch and an easy way to keep track of events that happened.

I think your timeline is off though, you started with Demming, your animosity, resentment, call it what you like for me started much earlier. I felt the disdain when I first worked the first few cases with you and "Your Boys". I had hoped that a skilled Detective such as yourself could separate your personal feelings from professional and measure my contributions rather than my behavioral patterns that had you paint me as a "Nine year old on a sugar rush" with the "Attention span of a Cocker Spaniel". It's funny that in all my business dealings and managing multiple books through concept to publication I had never been referred to in such glowing terms.

The murder of Esposito's career is not really a murder but more of a suicide. You can only act like the Macho Man for so long till someone calls your bluff and either kicks your ass physically, or through strategic maneuvers such as done by Alexis that was able to take him apart easily. The sad part was you were there watching and did nothing to stop him from pulling the trigger so to speak, so for that you can share that guilt with Esposito. I don't feel sorry for him, he kept his job, but for how long will depend upon how he can adapt to a true team player under Ann Hastings, someone who will not excuse his every move, right or wrong as you did.

I know Roy suffered not only professional embarrassment but also personal pain, but that's his story to tell, not mine. I felt truly sorry for Kevin, and I am glad he's getting a shot at Lead without you or Espo there to tell him how stupid his ideas are or as Espo referred to him as Castle Jr. Kevin will excel now that he's not trying to be the type of cop that you thought he should be, where the results justify the means. You tried this technique at my Loft with Gina, How did that workout for you?

One big correction Detective, I didn't disappear, I chose who I wanted to be in contact with, huge difference, I'm sure you would agree. As for the lengths I went to sever our connection, don't flatter yourself Detective to use one of your more often used comments. What I'm doing, where I am doing it at, has NOTHING to do with you. I'm touched that you think of Alexis and my friends now, but when I handed you the solution to the case you were too busy on a dinner date, to even listen. What was your parting comment, oh yes, "I think you're right Tom, but we can check it out IF the real leads go dry, and I agree it does sound like a plot from one of Castle's books as you both laughed long and loud." Isn't if funny now the suspect I pointed you too has confessed, and the detective who was your super cop, is now a patrol officer, midnight shift.

I don't recall telling you I loved you, perhaps you do, but I don't. If you think the things not only myself but my family did for you were out of love, we do that for all our guests Detective, it was nothing special. You asked me to listen to your pleas with an open mind, so far, I haven't heard anything new Beckett, but I'm still listening. As for the Hurt I feel, don't forget how you described me once, the rich playboy without feelings, why do you worry if I am hurt or if I can feel at all now?

I was reminded by Esposito, Demming and you more often than I care to mention my status as "You're not a Cop Castle, you wouldn't understand Castle, It's a cop thing Castle" and this is true. I finally realized that playing cop had too big a price tag attached to it. I don't understand your assessment of now I do things better than Real Cops, it's a confusing message you send Detective.

I read your letter several times trying to figure out WHY you even wrote it, it clicked when I got to the part with your Shrink. If this was a homework assignment, ask forgiveness from those you wronged, you can mark it off your list, it's done. I forgave you the minute I stepped outside the precinct, forgetting is going to take longer but you're clear, tell your shrink things are good between us.

I know we differed on many things Detective, I never thought you didn't pursue justice for your victim, I often thought you proceeded with blinders on and refused to take input from anyone on your team, hell you even fought your superior officer, because why? Beckett knew Better. Part of that when I proved you wrong, I took no delight, I hoped with each time you would become more flexible for the next opportunity, yet you reverted back to the same old do it my way, so now I will say it for the first and last time, "I TOLD YOU SO".

I know you have a difficult job, but part of that job is to protect all, your team mates, the rights of the victims, suspects, hell even the scum bag attorneys still deserved to be treated with justice and dignity. The last weeks with Demming don't need to be repeated here on paper, you touched on some of what you did, but as always you glossed over the bigger ones, ones I'm not going to bring up, now or ever. I will tell you this, there were times when I wished I never created Nikki Heat, times which I truly wished I had never met you Detective.

You're correct, I have the reputation of having a forgiving heart, when it comes to me being wronged, I can forgive almost anything. Detective, that wasn't the case the last several weeks I was with you, your actions were callous and cruel and caused pain to Alexis, and Gina both who had to watch me spiral down trying to figure out what I had done to deserve this type of treatment.

You left a mess of a man that Gina put back together and comforted my teenage daughter when she saw her Dad so sad, she was afraid he would harm himself. I think your threat of shooting me would have hurt them less that the emotional pain you inflicted. Words are like bullets; some pass-through causing flesh wounds others can cause massive internal hemorrhaging to the point of no return.

Congratulations on continuing your treatment with Doctor Burke, perhaps he can help you find some of your triggers that cause the behaviors I have witnessed. You brought up the lies, I wasn't going to, but I don't buy that I'm the only one you lie to because I'm the one you fell in love with, common reasoning is just the opposite, at least it is for me, I would lie to protect the one I love, not hurt them.

I'm sorry for the shame and you being the brunt of jokes after you found out the entire truth about Demming. I often wondered why you ran a complete background check on me, just to allow me to sit next to your desk, yet you begin encounters with men you take at face value without a second thought. What message would that send to you Detective if roles were reversed? Yeah, I thought so.

As for your personal and or Sexual life Detective, as you made it clear repeatedly it's none of my business, and pardon the bluntness, but I don't care if you and Demming fucked each other's brains out all the time you were together, Not My Business, or my concern. As the old saying in the South, I don't have a dog in that race, so I really don't give a damn.

You're correct Detective, I gave two years of my life, left my family, cheated my employer out of my best efforts, and spent every waking moment at the precinct trying to make a difference, trying to get you to see the real Rick Castle, you never did, and I doubt you ever will. Now I'm supposed to see that one disciplinary hearing, a few sessions with a shrink have opened your eyes to reality, and you love me?

Doctor Burke provided you with one reason you may have treated me as you did, I'll give you another. The only thing that you feel is the urge to find your mother's killer, to bring those responsible to justice and anyone or anything that gets in your way is collateral damage. I got in the way, and since I'm not a cop such as Sorenson or Demming, I could be treated like yesterday's trash. Harsh? Perhaps. Truth? Most Likely and until your action prove you have changed, I don't believe a word you have to say, especially about having feelings for me.

I'm sure Gina will appreciate your appraisal of her relationship with her Stepdaughter, you see, She divorced me but never stopped being her mom. I have never referred to Gina as a blood thirsty ex, you are treading into a territory you really don't want to go, especially with thoughts and conjectures and nothing else for proof.

I am thoroughly confused with your statement lost my chance to be my partner, all you have done is threaten to shoot me or wait in the car Castle, stay here Castle, once again Detective one incident and a few trips to the shrink doesn't change things. There is as much chance of me returning to the 12th precinct to assist as there is in me running for Mayor to succeed Bob when he hits term limits, not very likely.

You were never my friend, even when my family opened our doors to you to provide you a home, you never allowed anything to progress past working colleague. If we weren't friends before what makes you think our friendship, hell any friendship, could survive what I call the Demming Debacle?

The last few paragraphs of your letter dealt with my relationship with Gina, and how she feels, again I wonder how you garnered those thoughts, and reflections. I know Gina was polite and professional during the last book launch, but you certainly don't know her or me well enough to offer an opinion Dr. Phil as you used to call me.

As I said earlier in this letter, I have forgiven you long ago, forgetting is the hard part and it will take time. Thank you for the letter, I know it was hard for you to write, to express your feelings, so it is appreciated. This response is not meant to be cold, or hurtful, I just removed all emotion, or at least I tried and responded with as many facts as I could.

Enjoy your inner peace, we are good and there is no reason to talk, you apologized, I accepted, end of story. There is no reason I can think of to see you, so unless you can provide anything meaningful to this, then let's just say we are good and part ways the way we already have. No need for you to worry about me and my heart as is no need for me to worry about yours. After all, It's our lives, and we're both adults, so live your life Detective, I truly hope you find happiness, and forgive me I also truly hope I can forget I ever met you,

Castle

Rick had just saved the document and shut his laptop down when he heard the ding of the pilot, meaning to stow all electronic devices away. He nudged Cricket awake and they prepared for final approach and a much-needed vacation. They would be met by a driver who would take them to a drop point to another driver and finally to the chopper and they should be home within the hour.

Gina wasn't taking any chances, and as they flew over the Hampton house, they could see the security in place a strategic locations. It was only a few minutes till they were pulling up the gate and being mobbed by a red head and a blond both with tears streaming down their cheeks

Welcome home, We missed you so very much and welcome back Cricket, as Alexis took her hand leading her to the house. Gina couldn't wait, she turned and laid a kiss on Rick, as they broke apart, a huge smile on his face, Guess you missed me a bit huh as the entered the house to spend the next six weeks together, alone away from distractions.