"Kylie?" Castiel said my name like a question. He'd just finished telling me about how an angel Dean and Sam had hated used to be the funniest angel in their garrison. I looked up with a smile, feeling better about our situation.

"Yeah, what's up?"

"Something has been bothering me." He admitted. "About the spell you used."

"Which one?"

"To close the Rift." I stilled just a little bit at those words.

"What about it?"

"Why did it cause you so much pain?" I looked away, pursing my lips. "Is it… Is it why you can't use magic anymore?" I still didn't quite answer. I wasn't really certain how. "Is it because you had to give up the grace?" I was surprised by this. I hadn't told him about that. I had actively avoided telling him anything about that spell, much less its components.

"How do you know about that?"

"Sam and Dean told me." Of course they did. They couldn't have just told him I was fine.

Well, no point in trying to lie it away. "Yeah." I answered, letting out a long breath. "Yeah, it is. I couldn't ask you to do it, Castiel. But I knew that I could do it. I just didn't know it would affect me like that." He leaned back, pulling me close against him.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"But I'm sorry that it happened." He said. "I'm sorry that you have had to go through so much. I know how much you loved being able to use magic. When you showed me your exercise, with the book and the fire," I remembered that. I remembered doing that. It was my favorite thing to do. I didn't remember how I did it, though. "You looked happy. When you talked about everything you could do with it, you looked so proud and joyous; as though something good had finally happened to you from this life. You looked… Just so happy. I'm sorry that it's gone."

"Don't be." I said. "Besides, I'm pretty certain you would've gotten tired of my not-quite-immortal ass anyways." It was an odd thought, once I said it out loud. If I'd kept my magic… I could be killed, sure, but it was difficult. I could've easily stayed alive as long as Rowena had, if not longer. I would've aged a lot slower, even more so with the angelic grace inside of me. I…

I remembered a thought I had, a long time ago; one that had occurred to me before I had magic. In Castiel's timeline, I was just a short blip. I was a grain of rice in an ocean of life, and would continue to be so now. But with magic… I'd had the opportunity to be another ocean. I could've lived until the world ended, if I was smart. I could've had centuries of life.

I could've lived that life with Castiel.

But that wasn't an option anymore.

I could feel Castiel thinking something similar. The heavy silence said everything I needed to know. I would age normally, now. I would eventually grow old and die, like a normal human, at some point in the future.

"I wouldn't have." Castiel said quietly. I was shaken from my thinking, brought back to being next to him.

"What?"

"I wouldn't have tired of you." Castiel explained, his voice still quiet and soft. "I don't think I could if I wanted to."

"You're just saying that now because I'm human again." The phrase "and I'm gonna die like a human" was unspoken, but still present.

"No, I'm not." He said. "I have had to see what a life without you would be like already. I have had to live within an entire year of believing I had to spend the rest of my life without you, and all I wanted in that year was just to have you back. I never tired of you when you were there, and only missed you like nothing else when you were gone." I looked up at him, feeling a flurry of emotions. "Kylie… I love you. I hated a life without you, and in the future…" he stopped, eyes going glassy for just a moment. He wasn't certain what to say. Whatever he was thinking or seeing in his head was something that bothered him. "When I saw you, before I died, you looked extremely hurt and broken. You looked like you were about to die. That… That terrified me. I thought I was going to lose you all over again, except this time be forced to watch it happen. I feared that I would have no choice but to live in a life without you; that the option of you coming back was about to be ripped from me. The idea that at some point this fear will become an eventuality…" He shook his head. "It is not an idea that I like to entertain, to say the least. It… It's not a future I believe I will ever be able to accept or manage. Thinking you were gone," he took a deep breath. "For me, that was worse than the experience of dying myself."

"Oh." His words, though sweet and honest and pure and so many other positive things I could say about them, felt like a stone in my stomach. I had almost died in that spell. I had been willing to die. I had expected it to be me. I had known that Castiel wouldn't be alright with that choice, but to actually hear him say this all out loud… I felt awful. I was prepared to die, and for a good cause, but Cas…

I always believed Castiel was the strong one, between the two of us. I always thought that he would be OK. I had… I had told Castiel that I would marry him afterwards, fully believing I would die. I had been ready to just go, without telling him what would happen.

"Cas," I watched him closely, and saw him staring straight ahead. His eyes had a far-off look. He seemed lost in thought. I shifted my body upwards just enough to kiss him on the cheek. "I'm still here, alright? I'm not dead yet." I leaned back up against him. He was comfortable, the only comfortable thing in this cell.

"But you almost were." He stated. I stiffened, and Castiel felt it. I was hoping he wouldn't ask bring that up. I was hoping he wouldn't put the pieces together.

But he was smart, and he knew me. Of course Sam and Dean would've told him everything. Of course he would've put the pieces together.

"Yeah." That was the only word I could say. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he was talking about how he'd seen me before Lucifer gutted him. Maybe he didn't know.

But no, he knew. He always knew. He knew me too well.

"It wasn't supposed to be Crowley, was it?" He asked softly. I couldn't hide from it now. He knew.

"I'm sorry." I whispered. "I'm sorry for not telling you." He let out a sigh of his own, squeezing me a little tighter.

"I don't blame you." He said. "I would've done the same thing. I only wish you had told me."

"If I had, would you have still let me go?"

"No." He admitted ruefully. "But I know you would've had logic to back up your choice."

"I just wanted to end it, and do something to keep you all safe." I shrugged. "Fat lot of use it did, considering that they can open a portal from the other side too."

"You did something brave and amazing." Castiel replied. "Nobody else would have had the bravery to complete that spell with the intent of giving the ultimate sacrifice."

"Sam and Dean have done it tons of times." I pointed out. "You've done it yourself a few times."

"They would not have this time." Castiel stated. "This time, they wanted to live. They wanted everyone to live and succeed. They had their family put together in a way they'd never thought possible. They would've done anything to make sure everyone, including themselves, made it out alive."

"And you?" I asked softly. He just chuckled.

"I like to believe that I'm not foolish enough to break a promise I make you." He answered. "I promised you a life and a family. I promised you a husband. I would not make those promises if I had no intent on going through with them." He let out a sigh after that. "However long it takes to get to that point." He muttered.

"You still believe we'll get out of here?" I asked, looking forwards at the cell door. I could feel him nod against my head.

"I won't let us not." He said the words firmly. "I absolutely will not allow us to stay here forever." It felt good to know that someone still believed we could get out.

"Good." I muttered. "Someone needs to think like that."

"You don't believe me?"

"I believe that you do." I explained. "But… Cas I'm sorry. I've given up a lot of hope. I've given up a lot of faith in good things happening. I think… I think you coming back was the last miracle I'm ever going to get. I think I've run out of luck this time. I wasn't lying either when I agreed to marry you, I would have then and there if I'd made it out alive and you had too. But… I didn't think I'd live, and I couldn't tell you that. You looked so hopeful and brave and it," I took a breath, trying to find the right words. "Your faith gave me strength then to go through with whatever needed to be done. I just think I'm out of faith now. I don't think that there will be anymore death defying, world-saving adventures for me. I think that… that this is it." I shrugged. "I think I've run out of luck at this point, Cas. I'm sorry. I still want to marry you and be a family with you and Jack and Sam and Dean. I wish I could snap my fingers and create this amazing, perfect world for all of us where Lucifer is back in Apocalypse world, Mary is here, and all of us are sitting around in the Bunker watching a stupid new movie." I pursed my lips. "But I can't, and I have to accept that that probably won't happen." I looked back up at him and into his eyes. I should've died in that apocalypse world, Castiel. I should've died afterwards. Hell, there are so many times where I should've died sooner. But I didn't, I'm alive only to die in a cell after days and weeks and probably months of torture from a man that has a personal vendetta against me and a Prince of Hell that I think just gets bored sometimes. I'm going to die here, Cas. "I'm sorry I can't say anything better, Cas. I still love you. I still want that whole future you promised. I just don't think that, at this point, I'll actually live to see it happen."

"Then let me fulfill at least one promise to you." Castiel looked around, and I could see his posture change.

"What? What's wrong?" He looked back at me, grimacing a little.

"It's not ideal," he started off, giving our surroundings one more cursory glance. "But it will have to do for now."

"What are you talking about Cas?"

"I'm talking about fulfilling a promise to you." He said. "Right here, and right now. If you think that this is it, then fine. I'll do whatever I can do make it not, but I will not allow myself to not be a man of my word." I didn't get it still. I can't believe I didn't get it, but I didn't.

Not until his next words.

"Marry me, Kylie." He requested. "Right here, right now. Marry me." He looked a little manic as he spoke, but… There was a light in his eyes. Somehow, he was happy.

"You're crazy." I said the words with a smile, though. I couldn't keep that smile off of my face.

"Sometimes crazy can be good." He replied. "Marry me, Kylie. I don't care that it's a cell in Hell. I don't care that it's less than conventional. I want to be married to you. I want to at least have the privilege of saying I was married to you, even if it's only for a short time. Please, Kylie," he looked in to my eyes, and I could still see that manic happiness. "Marry me."

I paused, letting this sink in. Castiel wanted me to marry him. He didn't care that I'd been willing to die. He didn't care that this wasn't perfect. He… he wanted to marry me.

This crazy man loved me and wanted to marry me.

"Yes." I said, nodding. "Yes, I'll marry you." We both laughed a little, embracing each other tightly. We were happy. We were going to marry each other somehow, right now, in this cell.

And in all honesty, I wouldn't have had it any other way.

We said our vows to each other quietly, promising to love each other and to believe in each other for as long as we had. We didn't include the words "till death do us part." We'd both been through that. Even in death, we still loved each other. Instead we said this: "Until the end of time." We could die, but we would never stop loving each other. Time would tick on, and we'd still be in love.

I removed his ring from around my neck, taking it off the necklace and sliding it on his finger. "Do you, Castiel, in all your celestial glory, take me to be your wife?" He smiled, looking down at the ring for a moment before looking back at me.

"I do." He promised. "Do you, Kylie, in all your perfect humanity, take me to be your husband?" I glanced at the ring I'd worn for a while now. It felt right to wear it, and even more right to be doing this.

"I do." I promised.

We kissed, and just for a moment it all fell away. For a moment we weren't in a jail cell, we were wherever we wanted to be. We were free, for just a moment. We were free and doing what we wanted.

It made me believe, for once, that there may be hope after all.