Chapter Twenty-Five: Loyalty

Now:

"That's it?" Canderous asked. "That's what all this is about? Republic wouldn't listen, and now the entire galaxy's turned upside down because of it?" He leaned back and muttered a curse.

"That's why I left," Revan softly said. She stood up and leaned against the wall of her quarters. "I thought Dustil was a vision… After what I did… I couldn't stay. I…" She clutched her stomach. "And now to find out that, that I didn't kill him. And to see what he did to Carth… I don't know what's worse." She looked at Canderous. "I could have sworn Dustil was dead."

The greatest warrior in the galaxy was reduced to tears because a teenager was alive. Were all Jedi like this? Is this why the Council banned emotions? It would be a good reason to. He shook his head. "I'm not going to pretend I'm good at this, cuz I'm not, but if there's anything I can do—"

"You can leave me here and let me keep working with Nal."

Canderous's face fell. "What?" He was shocked. "But Carth—"

"He wanted me to leave and I did," she said. "How does anyone know he wants me back?"

What was her game? "Revan, what are you talking about? It's not like we're meddling in this situation and bringing you to Citadel to force you two to sit down and talk. This is Carth's life we're talking about! His own kid turned on him. I don't care who you are, that's not right!"

"Maybe it is."

Canderous couldn't believe what he was hearing. "What—"

"He didn't listen to me when I said something was wrong," she said. "Instead, he fought to protect Dustil and ignored what I was trying to tell him. Dustil wakes up, attacks Carth, and now Carth is the one injured."

"What the hell has gotten into you?" He stood up and faced her. "I saw the look on your face when you watched T3's recording. I saw the fear in your eyes. And I heard the pain in your voice just now when you told me what happened on Korriban. You may be trying your best to deny what you're feeling because you're holding a grudge that doesn't mean bantha fodder right now, but you still love that Republic solider."

"I'm not holding a grudge."

"Then what the hell—"

"It would never have worked out between me and Carth," she dismissed. "Love is forbidden by the Jedi and for good reason. It's only gotten me in trouble or caused trouble for me. It's better this way. It's better that I left. If I had just listened to the Council in the first place and not let myself fall for that pilot, none of this would have happened."

Canderous crossed his arms and looked at Revan askance. "Then why are you still wearing his necklace?" he asked. Revan looked at him, startled. He continued. "Didn't think I knew the significance behind that blue rock? I may be Mandalorian, but I still know other world customs." When she shot him an inquisitive look, he sighed. "All right, so Zaalbar and HK told me. The point is, if you were trying to live a wholly new life, you would have gotten rid of everything that reminded you of your past. That includes that necklace."

Her hand reached up and wrapped around the stone. She closed her eyes and hung her head, holding the gem tight.

Revan looked wretched, like a lonely pup. He'd only seen this side of her a few times, and it pained him to see the warrior who brought the galaxy to its knees looking like a lost child. Canderous frowned. "You're scared, aren't you?" he asked.

Revan said nothing.

Canderous repeated the question, his voice softer. "You're terrified of going back and seeing him," he added. "You think you're responsible for Carth being in that bed. You'd rather run away than face this situation head-on and try to make amends."

"I didn't say that!" she snapped.

"But it's what you're thinking." He took a few steps closer to her. "You can't control Carth's actions. You can't control Dustil's, either. Hell, you can't control anyone—unless you're doing that Mind Trick, but, but that's not the point." She raised her head and looked at him. "I know you feel responsible, but you're not. You had no control over the situation."

"Why did you really help find me?" she whispered. "It wasn't to tell me that."

Canderous shook his head. "I wanted to know why you ran off. The plan was to find you, hand the Wookiee and droid over, and ask why you left. I was also going to offer you refuge on Dxun if you chose not to continue roaming the galaxy with Simer."

"And if I chose to go to Dxun?"

Canderous blinked. Would she have? Would she have decided to go to Dxun? It would mean so much if she would.

She was staring at him, waiting for an answer. "I didn't think you'd pick that as an option," Canderous quickly said.

Her eyes twinkled. "Now who's the one lying?"

His brow furrowed. Did she know what he was thinking?

"Your thoughts deceive you, Mandalorian."

She knew. Canderous looked into Revan's eyes. His mind jumped to the memory of the conversation he and HK had before, and how the droid accused him of suppressing romantic feelings for Revan, and that he secretly wanted her by his side.

But that wasn't true, was it? Was HK right? Was Canderous doing all of this because he wanted her? HK was only a droid programmed to be an assassin, not a relationship counselor. But still, HK could be right… couldn't he?

Revan took a step closer.

Canderous's heart pounded in his chest. HK was right about one thing; it did upset him that Revan and Carth got along as well has they did—or rather had. But it was Revan's choice to be with Carth, and he respected that. But Republic wasn't exactly in the picture right this very second, was he? And she said she didn't want to go back to Citadel Station. Maybe she would come to Dxun… to be with him. Suddenly every fiber in Canderous's body wanted her next to him. He could almost taste her… and oh, how he could please her. Several possible ways ran through his mind. Canderous lowered his head towards hers, his lips merely inches away—

He stopped. No, this… this was one of those Jedi Mind Tricks, wasn't it? Although, Canderous supposed if it was a full-blown mind trick, he'd be repeating everything she was saying. Maybe this was a Jedi Flirt Trick? Revan really wasn't coming on to him; she just wanted him to think she was. She didn't want to face what had happened to Carth, and didn't want to admit there was nothing she could have done to prevent it. And clearly she was willing to try anything that would get her out of going to Citadel Station, including seducing him.

"Revan, don't do this," he hoarsely whispered.

"Don't do what?" she casually asked.

"What you're trying to do right now. It's not gonna work."

"I can feel—"

"Then you know what I'm thinking," he firmly said. She was about to open her mouth, but he cut her off. "I won't let you dishonor yourself or Carth. This is wrong."

"I—"

"We're going to Citadel Station," he continued, his voice still a whisper. "If this wasn't Carth's life we were talking about, then I could care less if you went back. He's no better than a Coruscant granit slug for what he said to you. But the situation is different now. Don't make it worse by doing something you'll regret later."

"But I won't."

Canderous reached down and gently touched the blue diamond hanging around her neck. "Yes," he said. "You will."

Revan hung her head and said nothing.

"I'm your man until the end, Revan," he continued. "Do not confuse my loyalty for a romantic pursuit."

Revan was quiet for a few seconds, then started to apologize. "Canderous, I… I'm—"

"We will never speak of this again," he said.

She looked back up at him. He could see the shame in her eyes, yet at the same time knew that she understood he was willing to forget the last few minutes had happened and give her an easy out. But would she take it?

Slowly, Revan nodded her head. "We…" She stopped. "How long be-before we get to Telos?"

"I don't know," he answered. "I haven't checked in a while."

"I… I'll go check, then… then get something to eat. I'm… hungry."

Canderous nodded. He took several steps backwards to give her some space, then headed for the door.

"Canderous?"

He turned around.

Revan closed her eyes. "No one… No one knows what really happened on Korriban," she whispered. She opened her eyes and looked at him. "No one but you."

He stood up a little straighter. "I'm honored."

"I… I don't want anyone—"

"I won't talk," he said. Revan looked at him with a hint of uncertainty on her face. He was hurt she doubted his loyalty. "You have my word," he assured.

She nodded in acknowledgment. "Thank you for listening." Her voice was still barely above a whisper.

Canderous nodded in response, then exited Revan's bunk. She had entrusted him with the truth about what happened on Korriban… and then she tried to seduce him. As the door to her bunk closed, Canderous took a few steps forward, made sure the hall was empty, then slumped against the wall. He rubbed his face, then took a deep breath.

Canderous gave Revan an easy out; he said they'd never speak of the incident again, never mention about how they almost… how he wanted…

They'd never talk about what happened again, sure. But how the hell was Canderous never going to think about it again?