This is so late I know. Life became crazy but I hope you all had a fabulous festive season and New Year! I know I did haha! Thanks as per to those who review, you inspire me a lot of the time, Julia for whooping my grammatical ass into shape and for giving me a candle when I am in the dark (LOL) and Jess who I frequently use to help me write. I basically say "Ok, you're Bella, Edwards (done this), how do you feel about it?" She's great at it, I think this story is slowly becoming her life haha! I love you a lot my friend.
So, I have 7-8 versions of this same chapter, all completely different. Seriously not cool. It's all EPOV, completely different to how I originally imagined it but I hope you like it…
Song: Strange and Beautiful - Aqualung
EPOV
She was a blur of brown and cream and navy blue as we collided, her face hidden in my chest, her hands tightly fisted in my shirt. In the space of ten second she had securely latched herself onto me, like a she was a leech or a vampire, but the opposite. She didn't suck the life out of me, if anything she pumped in back in by the gallon. Similarly, I found my arms wrapping around her navy dress, holding her ever closer, tighter, feeling her every curve, every lump and bump pressed against me. I sighed contently, putting my face into the top of her wavy hair, inhaling her deeply.
She smelt like fucking sunshine. She smelt like Forks sunshine. She smelt like everything I didn't know I liked until she appeared in my life.
"I missed you," she murmured quietly into my shirt. I smiled widely whilst I nuzzled my nose further into her chocolate locks, unable to find words that wouldn't understate just how much I'd missed her.
"I love how you smell," I breathed, "I think I missed your smell more than I missed you."
She squeezed me a little tighter, her giggles vibrating through her whole body, "Whatever, you missed me too." She tilted her head up to look at me, her eyes bright and sparkly and all Bella and beautiful, I could have cried, "You missed all of me." A cheeky grin materialized on her face and grew as she deviously skimmed her hands down my shirt. I only realised where she was going when her fingertips grazed the skin of my lower back before delving into the hidden depths of my pants.
And then my boxers.
"Just like I missed all of you," Taking her bottom lip between her teeth, she gazed into my eyes while her nails dug into my skin, her hands gripping my ass cheeks.
There was a sudden surge of blood to my lower regions and I thought I must have been dreaming because within seconds of me being hard, she was naked. And not pregnant, which was weird. At the same time I didn't really care because she looked pretty much edible and I was fucking starving.
"Mm," she purred, releasing my ass as she used her hands to go about undoing my zipper, "I missed you a lot. I needed you so much while I was away. I had to deal with some urges by myself, and I just don't think I'm as good at dealing with some things as you are."
My boxers, a long with my pants, were shimmied down my legs and then kicked off into the vast space of my bedroom. My shirt seemed so have disappeared too. Both Bella and I stood before each other, stark naked, her still with her freakin' awesome pregnancy tits and me with some raging hard-on.
She trailed her small hands up and down my chest before taking my hand and looking at me with this sexy-as-hell grin, "You don't know how bad I needed you, baby," she cooed, putting my hand on one of her breasts, "I needed you to touch me," she sighed tilting her head back and dragging my hand down across her soft skin, running over her flat stomach, over her belly button, trailing down until my fingers were hovering over the damp warmth that was emitting from between her legs.
"I needed you to love me," she whispered into my ear, nibbling gently on my lobe at the same time her hand grabbed my shaft. I growled, shutting my eyes momentarily as I felt her hand rub up and down continuously. With her hand still holding mine between her legs, I decided I shouldn't be the only one getting pleasure out of this so I tickled her clit, occasionally teasing her wet entrance while she worked on me.
My administrations only elicited small sigh's, moans and squeaks. It was like fucking music to my ears and if it was possible for me to get any harder, then I did.
"I do love you," I said through strained teeth. Her hand felt so good on my dick that I wasn't sure how much longer I could last, but after I spoke she stopped and looked at me with a raised eyebrow.
"Really?" she snorted and my face fell with her reaction. It almost seemed like she thought the whole concept of it was a joke, "I don't think you do." Her smile didn't once falter as she pushed me backwards onto a bed I had been completely unaware of.
I was completely confused, she knew I loved her. I told her I did, and I actually meant it, "I do. Bella, I love you." She shrugged her shoulders as she crawled onto the bed, effectively straddling me.
"Hmm," she twisted her mouth for a second, her hand reaching down underneath her where she found my dick, still hard and ready. I bit down on my lip as she stroked it, running her nail over the head making me gasp. The pleasure I got from her one, swift movement was electric and put me into some stunned state. Like I was paralyzed from the neck down; I could feel but I couldn't move.
It didn't occur to me that maybe I should mention I had no control of my lower body. My eyes were trained to hers and seemed to see nothing but her as she mounted me, holding my dick underneath her as she slowly lowered herself, hissing as she did. Once she was comfortable, her head lolled back, her hair splaying wildly down her back and she started laughing. Manically.
Bella was sitting on my dick laughing like some kind of fucking crazed woman.
As her laughing died down, she caressed my face and then leaned over to press her lips delicately against mine, "Show me you love me," she whispered, sitting up straight, rocking her hips gently back and forth, "Show me you love me, baby." Her voice was almost desperate but then so was I.
I had to show her I loved her. My body came back to life so I turned all my efforts into showing her I loved her. Apparently what I'd already done wasn't enough, so if fucking her so hard that she begged me to stop was a sufficient amount of evidence, then that was what I was going to do.
And that's what I did.
I even amazed myself at how good I was, leaving her breathless and flustered as we seemed to just blend into different positions. There was no specific time where we stopped and changed our arrangement yet we'd go from her being on top, to me being on top, to her bending this way or that.
While she was riding me like she was on a bucking bronco, my hands holding her hips firmly as I thrust up meeting with a slap of skin as she slammed back down on me, I noticed another pair of hands snake from behind her back and rest over mine. I stared at them for a moment while Bella bounced and moaned.
They were distinctly feminine, soft hands, the fingers long and slender, each tipped with manicured nails. As I stared I realised I'd seen these hands before, and when I saw the diamond ring on her finger I knew whose hands they were.
Bella slowed, panting for breath, a small sheen appearing over her brow and chest. Her movement changed into just the rocking and rolling of her hips, grinding down against me, "Edward, you feel so good," she groaned.
"Ah, Edward, you do feel so good. I think I'd know better than anyone, hm. I hope you're just using this little thing as a warm up so you're ready for me." Unable to physically stop my body from moving, I felt my stomach sink a little as I saw Tanya's head appear perched upon Bella's shoulder. Bella didn't even flinched, she just continued rocking and making her small gasps and whimpers.
Tanya moved her hands from over mine, a wicked grin in place as she leant into Bella's ear and whispered something, looking in my direction before giggling and kissing her just under her ear. Again, Bella was completely unaffected and continued contently. Another two pairs of hands appeared on her body, both darker against her skin. Tanya stepped aside and just watched me while two more women appeared on either side of Bella.
It was like the fucking ghost of fuckings past or some shit.
On one side Jessica was squeezing and poking at Bella's tits while Andrea stood on the other side, stroking her hair, "Gorgeous, when's it my turn? Jessie wants you so bad, baby. I've been waiting for, like, ever," Jessica complained, frowning a little before adding, "Her boobs are smaller than mine."
Andrea didn't say anything but she winked at me, pulling up the edge of her uniform enough for me to see she wasn't wearing any underwear. The two then went and stood beside Tanya, briefly sharing knowing glances before staring directly at me and Bella.
It felt as though my body no longer belonged to me, my hands were glued to Bella's hips and everything else was working on its own. She began picking up her tempo, once we seemed to find a good rhythm, we lost it again as she increased her speed. Her moans became louder and I could feel myself building up in climax, only spurred on by the fact I could feel her walls begin to clench every now and again.
She was close. So was I.
Tanya, Jessica, Andrea and two more girls I vaguely remember fucking some time within the last two years, were all standing at the edge of the bed.
Watching.
"Oh god, Edward," Bella shrieked as she came close to her peak, "I love you… I fucking lov-… oh my god."
The five women who had previously been silent all then looked at me desperately, some shaking their heads, others trying to plead with me, "What about me?" was said multiple times along with, "I love you", "tell me you love me" and "You said we were special together".
There was a torrent of female voices yapping in my head and it was completely killing my climatic stage, yet I kept going.
"Oh, god, I'm-"
Tanya was the first to start, "Edward, you do still love me right? I know I wasn't good but you can help me be a better person, right? You still want me?"
"I think you need cleaning more than your room does. I could lick you down." Andrea said flirtatiously, winking again.
"You loved these," Jessica pushed her tits together, not that they weren't pulled together enough already, "you can still have them, Edward. You can have them any time you want, babe."
"Edward…" while Bella fell apart on top of me, I struggled with my own culmination as well as all the noise in the room.
Bella, Tanya, Andrea, Jessica.
Jessica, Andrea, Tanya, Bella.
I only wanted Bella, she was all I wanted, so why the fuck where the others clouding up my brain with shit?
Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried to close out all of their talking and moaning and whimpering, until my dick was literally about to explode along with my brain. I couldn't hold out anymore.
---
"Fuck…" I gasped, sitting up in my bed in a mild state of panic. Heavy breathing, cold sweat, motherfucker I hadn't had a nightmare like that since I realised there would come a day where the hot Baywatch lifeguards would be taken out of slow motion and off of the TV, forcing me to find a new way of getting my boob fix.
That happened when I was fourteen and just getting to grips with my 'new toy', literally. I honestly wondered why penises didn't come with an instruction manual. The first time I had a good ol' go at the five finger shuffle, I thought I'd broken my dick when I came and didn't do it again for another two months.
The point was that was undoubtedly one of the most fucked up dreams… nightmares I'd had in a long time. On the fucked up scale I'd say that was a seven and a half, maybe an eight. And I count that as pretty damn weird. Had Bella been dead or something while I was shagging her, now that would have been seriously fucked up.
Still, I woke up angsty, disturbed and with a dick as hard as rock.
Groaning in distaste at my hardened member, I decided to just forget about it and get on with life. Bella was coming back later in the afternoon and I had time to do nothing until then. Just like I'd done more or less every day. Work was boring and still competitive; Selena the Slut had upped her game and I was pretty sure she had something on the CEO of the company, which was quite a feat on her part, but not so much on mine.
There was no way in hell I was getting that promotion.
She just came out of fucking nowhere and copied everything I did, except she did it better. Sometimes she didn't necessarily do it better, she just did it with this stupid poise and flare of hers that got everyone pissing their pants. I couldn't be fucked with it anymore. I get that you work your way up, and sometimes it takes years, and sometimes people get in your way, but this was just ridiculous.
I'd been working so fucking hard for this, so fucking hard.
Normally, when thinks got to me, I tried to let it go or let it eat me up on the inside for a while. Build up my anxiety and anger and whatever the hell I did. But this was too fucking much, this was just depressing. I was just watching the job I'd spent years getting to, the job I deserved, being handed over to someone who cared more for the places she reach by fucking everything than the company.
To distract my mind work and all the boring shit that came with it, I instead tried to make sense of my dream, nightmare, what-the-fuck-ever. I didn't dream much, or more I didn't usually remember my dreams. The medication I used to have for my anxiety stopped them from happening and for some reason now they only ever seemed to be remembered once in a blue moon. The last two times I had them I told Bella about them. They weren't particularly exciting; it just got brought up in conversation.
Still, she made it out that dreams are really fucking revealing about your mind, and I didn't believe her until she started analysing mine. Apparently she read a few books on dreams when she used to spend her life in the library. She basically said I worried too much, I was overly anxious when I needn't be, I'm frightened of being alone, I don't have a sense of direction – she wasn't entirely sure what in exactly – and that scares me, as well as commitment apparently, and I'm a control freak. But I'm a kind man.
Stick 'Hi I'm Edward Cullen, I'm twenty eight, single father' at the beginning and that sounds like the perfect application to a dating agency. What women don't love those qualities in a man?
I didn't believe her anyway. Well I did a bit. Not all of it… I'm not a control freak.
But remembering how Bella had drawn up certain conclusions – or arguably accusations… - I think I got what my subconscious was trying to show me via some fucked up dream. And I think I got the whole 'commitment' shit from what Bella had said. I thought, how could I have been married and started a family if I had commitment issues? But now I thought about it I think it was the re-committing I was scared of. I'd done it before and the whole thing turned out a sham and if I'm being brutally honest, breaking up with someone's a fucking killer. Even if it was Tanya and she was an alcoholic, at some point in my life I loved her so much that above every other woman I knew, I wanted to make her my wife.
And I did. But things changed.
And divorce was just so much fun...
If I really loved Bella, I was going to have to drop the whole 'I'm single and free and can fuck whoever the hell I want' attitude.
It was fun for a while. Maybe I was just rebelling, trying to relive the youth that had been taken away so early. Working up in my job and my family meant my early twenties were too demanding for me to really 'live a little'.
While all my friends went to college or bummed around, went to clubs, lived vicariously, slept with anything beautiful, I was married and building a life. And I'm grateful for the opportunities I got, and if I hadn't have started early I know I wouldn't be where I am now. I'd spent the last year being a dick to make up for lost time, but now I think it was time for me to just grow the fuck up. For good.
I had too many responsibilities to just fuck about.
I'm a father, a son, a brother in ways, a friend, a boss, a lover…
I think it was about time to saddle up for the long run, or at least show her I was willing to. We were having a baby for god's sake.
And why does heck 'saddle up' sound so derogatory when referring to a person?
---
I continued to think over my dream while I sat in the kitchen, drinking my coffee, reading the paper and trying to ignore both Tanya and Meg's argument.
"It's your job, can you please hurry up with it, I've been in here for fifteen minutes already. I just want some food,"Tanya complained loudly. I sighed, turning the newspaper, trying to read up on current affairs instead of listening in.
Sometimes I ask myself, what the fuck am I doing? Why am I here in a house full of crazed females? Why do I put myself through so much torture?
I'd thought about moving into my apartment permanently, but I'd have to take Olivia with me obviously. Alice followed me wherever, the dog would have to come, Meg would probably stop by and so my whole 'escape' plan was foiled before I'd even so much as thought it through properly.
"I'm sorry to burst your bubble, sweetheart, but it's not actually my job, as such, anymore. I have other things to do around the house. You should know this kitchen just as well as I do, I've seen you going through the cupboards countless times. Make something yourself. If you want someone to be at your beck and call feel free to eat out, 'cause it sure ain't gunna be me," Meg snorted.
They both looked at me; Tanya with her arms folded and a scowl in place and Meg holding a few papers in her hand. Like I was going to do something. I wasn't, Meg had told me on many occasions how she was capable of standing up for herself, and I currently couldn't give a crap for Tanya so I let them continue.
As the week progressed, it had become increasingly obvious that aggression and irritation were directly linked to Tanya's lack of alcohol. As far as I knew, she hadn't taken it out on Olivia, but Alice had already had three showdowns with her in the space of two days, and I'd heard the cleaners, drivers, people she talked to on the phone, even the pets getting the back-end of her foul moods. And now Meg.
It was always like this with Tanya, it started off fine but as time progressed she digressed. I frequently wondered what the hell happened to her…
"Here," Meg opened a cupboard, taking out a plate and pushing it over the work surface near to where Tanya was stood, "Go crazy."
Tanya narrowed her eyes, "There's nothing on it," she said irritably.
"Sure there is. There's air, you have an imagination don't you? You have a six year old daughter so you should have. Anything could be on that plate, anything you want, and the best thing is it's got absolutely zero calories," Meg took an imaginary piece of cutlery patronisingly shovelling her 'food' into her mouth, "Mm, delicious."
"You and Alice are quite the comedians aren't you," tucking loose strands of her hair behind her ears, Tanya picked up the plate, purposely brushing past Meg as she made her way to the fridge, "If anyone should be including air into their diet I think it should be you rather than me."
I looked up from reading and looked at both of them. Tanya was still looking moody as she piled various things from the fridge onto her plate while Meg was laughing quietly to herself, "Will the both of you shut up or take it somewhere else? I'm getting a bit sick of being the unfortunate guy who has to keep breaking these up."
For a moment they both turned to face me again, then they went back to what they were doing. I was ignored.
"Are you insinuating I have a few more rolls than the bakery?" Meg laughed.
"I'm not insinuating, that is what I am saying, yes," Tanya sneered.
Meg looked down at herself, poking her marginally plump stomach, "I've grown quite fond of these actually. I know that if I ever get put in a situation where I'm starving, I'll live longer than you. These bad boys will feed me for a while," she laughed again, grabbing a handful of her side. "Sorry, I love myself too much, and so does my husband. More to hold on to if you get what I'm saying…"
"That's disgusting," Tanya snorted while Meg smirked wickedly, "I'm sure 'the more to hold onto thing' will work as an advantage when he's trying to get you from on top of him."
"You're probably right," Meg mused, "he prefers being on top, so maybe it would be helpful to move into a different position…"
"My ears and my mind's eyes are bleeding," I said, trying in vain to erase pictures of Meg naked and straddling her husband. Scarred.
Again I was ignored.
"Oh god, that is vile," Tanya pulled a face of revulsion at her.
"That's your opinion," she shrugged, flitting through what she had in her hand before looking up and grinning, "Edward doesn't seem to think it's vile," wow, she actually realised I was still sitting here. Obviously didn't hear what I'd said though. "I think it's rather beautiful. And at least I'm getting some, sweetheart."
Tanya glared as Meg turned around and picked up the tea cup from the counter behind her, taking a sip while raising her eyebrows almost tauntingly as she glanced over. And of course Tanya reacted, going on and on and in too much detail about how she was, in fact, sexually active. I didn't give a shit and I don't think Meg did either; she just enjoyed winding her up.
But I couldn't sit there listening to them both going on about it. All I knew and all I cared about was the fact my dick was working just fine still, Bella was proof of that.
Tanya was my ex-wife and Meg was my friend as well as housekeeper. I really didn't want to know.
I escaped out of the kitchen, not really sure what I was going to do now my brunch routine had been ruined and my manhood had been distressed. Being all wrapped up in my gloominess over my lack of peace, I went about slinking away up the stairs.
Until I put my hand on the banister, I had been totally unaware of there even being other people around me until there was an odd silence, one that I then assumed had previously been filled with talking. I frowned, turned around and then froze.
I was 95% sure I was awake, and I was certain that it was exactly thirty seven minutes past eleven in the morning not five o'clock or any time past that in the evening. Yet there she was, Bella, being all… Bella. Lovely and glowing and all of the other nice stuff you're supposed to be while pregnant. Although I'm sure she'd look like it anyway whether she was pregnant or not. In fact, I knew she did.
Descending the two steps I'd managed to climb before realising anything, I stood at the bottom of the stairs in awe of her. And really confused as to what the hell she was doing here so early. Mainly in awe though. She was like my dream; all cream and brown and navy blue. She wasn't a blur though, I could see her clearly.
Her long brown hair cascaded down the sides of her face, resting nicely over her breasts. I'd forgotten just how long it was, the very tips of her hair reached the top of her abdomen and that was with it naturally curly. God knows how long it would be if it was straight. Her skin was a little browner than before, she was still reasonably creamy but she had a healthy, sun-kissed glow to her.
And she was wearing my favourite colour and she looked so fucking good in it too. A light, navy blue summer dress, eerily like the one in my dream but I dismissed that thought. It went in at all the right places, her tits being one of them. It made them look all voluptuous and gorgeous.
I stared at her for longer than I should have while making my appraisal, not really realising I was doing it until she smiled sweetly at me and I found myself being drawn to her, smiling back like a fool. Eventually I was standing just in front of her and I could smell her. She did smell like Forks sunshine. We just stood there, smiling at each other like we both knew something the other didn't.
"We're having a moment," she said after a while, her eyes looking directly into mine. Soft, brown and warm.
"What?" She rolled her eyes, looking down for a moment as she laughed quietly to herself.
"We're having a moment," she stated again, gesturing between us although her eyes didn't move from mine again.
"Oh right, yeah, we are. We haven't had one in a while," I said absently as I gazed at her.
"We have them all the time, Edward," her smile grew so much, it looked as if she held it for much longer her face would start to hurt, "You didn't say hello…"
"…Huh?" I sounded like a fucking idiot but my brain just wasn't connected right now, "Oh, yeah… hi." I took a step closer to her, wrapping my arms around her middle, bringing her closer to my body.
"Hi," she uttered, moving her arms up to wrap around my neck, gently caressing the side of my face with her thumb.
After a moment silence, I went to speak, "How come you're earl-" but I was cut short by an excited six year old coming down the stairs, like she was Jesus or something with her growing band of followers, Kitty and now Hammy too. In just seconds Bella and I had parted, standing beside each other like nothing just happened as Olivia came bounding into her, hugging her tightly.
She glanced at me and smiled before acting just as excited as Olivia was. Although I really don't think it was all an act, she seemed genuinely thrilled to see her. I heard someone clear their throat beside me and jumped a little which I then tried to hide because… well what the fuck, men don't jump.
"When the fuck did you get there?" I asked Alice with a frown. She was looking all smug and superior as she sighed and raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow.
"You say it like I just intruded on something, Edward. I was standing there the whole time, you just intruded on our conversation," she said, a ghost of a smile on her face.
"Oh…" I scratched the back of my head, looking over at Bella who was having some grand re-union with her cat that included a lot of purring, cooing and kisses, "I guess I didn't see you there."
"I guess you didn't." Alice pinched my sides and I smiled at her dubiously over her randomly playful action. She just shrugged as we watched. I tilted my head to the side as I looked at Bella's middle, taking her hand and holding it up as I scrutinized her. She held her cat in one arm as though he were a baby while she looked down at herself, then to me with confusion.
"What?" she asked, her brow furrowing. Both Olivia and Alice looked at me and then to Bella who was obviously getting uncomfortable with all the attention, "What?" she asked again.
"You're bigger…" I said slowly, just as the goofy smile that I'd missed having graced my face once again.
"Oh," Bella rolled her eyes, laughing a little, "funny that, I was under the impression that maybe something was growing inside me. But what do I know," she said sarcastically. "I'm not that much bigger I don't think…"
"Considering you've been away for five days, I think you are," I laughed.
"I think he's right," Alice agreed. Bella looked down and pouted.
"Maybe… I don't know, I've been eating the entire contents of Forks. I think they're glad to see the back of me. There's probably not any ice-cream left in Washington State."
Olivia stood in front of her, trying her hardest to get her hands all the way round her but failing, "Woah, I don't think I can…" she tried stretching, her efforts obvious from the strained noises she was making, "I can't do it. You're too big."
"Well I'm only going to get bigger and bigger." Bella put her hands on the bottom of her belly and smiled contently down at it.
"Bigger and bigger?" Olivia asked wide-eyed, "Bigger and bigger until you explode?"
"Probably," Bella sighed, nodding seriously. I think she forgot sometimes that six year olds and sarcasm don't go together well.
Olivia stood with her mouth agape, but then she brushed her hair from her face and looked a little upset, "But I don't want you to explode... Will the baby explode too? I don't think that's a good idea, Bella."
"She wasn't being serious, no-one's going to explode," I said rolling my eyes and hopefully clearing the situation. I'd tried explaining sarcasm to Olivia once before and it just ended in her getting upset that everyone lied to each other. She didn't talk to Alice for a day because she was the most sarcastic and therefore the worse liar. I think it's safe to say I failed there.
"I'm about to explode." We all turned to see an irritated Tanya march from the kitchen, about to go off on a tangent when she stopped suddenly, staring directly at Bella. My stomach felt as if it had fallen into my shoes as this was the only meeting I did not want taking place, and yet here we all were. Nearly all the women in my life gathered in what now felt like such a small space.
Was I the only one getting anxious about it? Probably.
"Oh…" Tanya said, obviously looking Bella up and down. Alice sighed loudly as she glared at her with narrow eyes. I found myself also narrowing my eyes at her almost automatically. And Bella looked momentarily lost in it all, totally unaware that her presence was most likely fuelling whatever fire Tanya had burning.
"I was just looking for you, Edward, actually," she said, her eyes lingering a while on Bella before she looked to me. She was grinding her teeth together, I could tell because she did that when she was pissed off and it looked as if she was chewing on something.
"And you have to tell me whatever it is right now?"
"Probably not, but I'm going to anyway. Two things, both you'll dislike I'm sure. One, you have the most rude, disrespectful, irresponsible people employed. Still. I suggest you get rid of them or at least lower their wages, something to set them in their place." She emphasised the last of her sentence while glowering at Alice who, in turn, did the same back.
"Right, well, that's not going to happen so, number two?"
"Two," she paused, crossing her hands over her chest and standing straight, "two, I don't want my daughter surrounded by these sorts of people. I don't think it's good for her well-being. So, I'm calling my lawyer because I want custody."
My jaw tensed as I looked at her. Her well-being, what the fuck was she talking about?
"Well… you won't get it," I said calmly.
"I'm pretty sure I have some kind of advantage being her mother, Edward,"
"And I'm pretty sure you lost those when you became an alcoholic." There was an awkward silence.
Yet another one of her plans to be centre of attention or something. I just didn't know why she had to drag Olivia into it. On what basis did she even have to claim custody? Hanging around with the wrong sorts of people? They don't have criminal records or bad habits, she just didn't like them. That's not a reason.
"Hey Livvy, you wanna help me find the frosting so we can finish decorating those cakes?" Meg spoke up from behind Tanya, brushing past her as she smiled at Olivia. I knew it wasn't really a question that needed an answer, she was just trying to remove her from the scene and for that I was grateful.
Once they were out of earshot I turned back to look at Tanya. In my peripheral vision I could see Bella looking between us and slowly beginning to gravitate towards me. "You have no reason to get custody."
"Yes I do, I want to see my daughter more. I want to know her properly and I don't want her to grow up under the influence of these sorts of people." She waved her hand around.
"So we can organise you seeing her more often, for longer, whatever. Growing up under your influence is supposed to be a lot better? I don't think it is. She's better off here, more well-rounded and comfortable. Why would you want to take her out of that?"
"I don't just 'want to see her more'. I'm missing out on my daughter, it's not fair," she spoke loudly, frowning.
"That's your own fault," I growled back at her, "You're not taking her away from me. You wouldn't win anyway."
"If I'm sober for a year, and attending therapy multiple times a week, I think you'll find I actually do have a chance. Especially with my lawyers, and I'd rather wait for one year than the twelve she'd be legally bonded to you for." I clenched my fists, getting obviously angered by her. "Don't have a temper tantrum about it Edward, it'll just be something I can use against you," she smiled smugly.
I was about to have a fucking temper tantrum. I wanted to punch her in the face for even mentioning any of this. I wasn't sure what I was about to blurt out of my mouth but I could feel my anger rising.
But then I felt a hand intertwining its way into mine and, as if it were a tap, my anger just started leaking out through it. Controlled, invisible and quietly. Bella squeezed my hand softly, putting her other hand over it. I looked at her and she was frowning as she looked towards Tanya.
"I think Olivia should be wherever she's happiest and safest. And as far as I can tell, that's here," she spoke quietly, biting the inside of her lip when she'd finished.
"Uh-huh, well, it's good I'm not asking for your opinion then, isn't it. I know you think you can play happy families or whatever the hell it is your doing with Edward, but you are not part of my family, so don't involve yourself. No-one was talking to you." Bella looked down and raised her eyebrows, decidedly stepping out of the conversation.
"Tanya-" I started angrily but Alice got in before I did.
"Oh for god's sake Tanya, will you get over yourself already? You sound pathetic, Olivia is perfectly happy here. This is the best place she can be, she's surrounded by people that love her. And I've been here longer than Olivia has, I know what you're both like and currently Edward is a lot higher than you on the 'more capable parent' scale. A year can change your habits, not your personality. And you might not like or want to hear Bella's opinion, but that's probably because what she's saying is true."
"And don't you dare talk to Bella like that again otherwise I will kick you out of my house," I seethed, "I'm fed up of you creating unnecessary drama, it's childish and boring. If you want to attempt to get custody of Olivia then you can go ahead, and if you get anywhere, which I doubt you will, then I'll fight you. I can get just as good a lawyer as you can. I'm not about to hand over my daughter to you."
There was silence again. Tanya was staring at mine and Bella's hands and scowling. Alice was standing defensively behind Bella, while Bella was turned in to face me, her free arm protectively covering her stomach.
Surprisingly she was the one to break the silence eventually, "I think you should go…" she said to Tanya although she didn't turn to face her.
"I don't need to be told twice," Tanya replied, her mouth forming a tight line. Alice, Bella and I all stepped aside as she walked past. I didn't want to risk her elbowing Bella or something stupid, so I made sure that was a larger gap between the two than anyone else. "I can see where your priorities are," she huffed at me.
"Those I love are my main priority. You'd do well to remember that instead of just thinking about yourself and what you want all the time." She looked at me for a long time before she disappeared up the stairs. I was just happy she wasn't around anymore.
"Well," Alice sighed eventually.
I shook my head trying to calm myself down after getting worked up, "It could have been worse. I haven't a clue where she comes out with this shit though. If she wants to take me to court she can, it's just pointless…" I sighed and tilted my head towards Bella so my brow rested on hers. She gave a small smile but I noticed her cheeks were filled with colour and her whole face looked a bit flustered.
"What's wrong?" I asked, wondering whether or not I should be concerned.
"Nothing, just what you said was quite… nice. I was just thinking about something and I guess my face decided to turn on. Which is really fucking great," she groaned.
Alice and I both laughed as she stood with her face hidden, waiting for the colour to reside. When it did she pulled away and pouted, "It's not funny," she whined, "it's really embarrassing. My face just lights up for no reason."
"You're so odd, Bella," Alice laughed.
"I think it's pretty cute," I said shrugging and kissing the tip of her nose.
"Oh shush, it's definitely not cute or endearing in any way," she scowled, attempting to hit my arm but I skilfully moved it out of the way, grabbed her around her waist, or as much as I could, and pulled her into my chest. She had to move herself slightly to one side so I could hug her properly which she giggled about.
"I missed you," I whispered to her, kissing the top of her hair. She looked up at me a smiled.
"You know I was laughing because you were getting angsty about me being away for five days?" I narrowed my eyes as Alice snorted in amusement. I thought I was just being caring, there is nothing wrong with that. "Well five days was too long. I missed you too much. I cried because I missed you, that's pathetic. I'm nearly twenty five."
She pouted again and I couldn't help myself as she pushed out her bottom lip, I had to kiss her. So I did, irrespective of Alice still standing there. Fuck that, I'd missed her too much.
"Oh for goodness sake, you think now you've kind of outed yourselves this is acceptable? This is not acceptable, tone down the PDA before I throw up," she complained, swatting both of our sides.
I could feel Bella smiling against my lips as I pressed them against hers. She was so soft and sweet and lovely, I didn't want to stop. I missed the warmth of her skin, the smell of her hair and the taste of her kiss. I missed her eyes and her nose and her everything.
It may have been a tad ridiculous and somewhat clichéd, but Isabella Swan currently possessed my mind, my arms, my legs, my dick, my entire being. But possibly the most pitiable thing about it was that I don't think I'd come to terms with just how much she owned me.
In a short space of time, I'd let this wonderfully weird, generally happy, baffling, cat-loving, 'organised-mess'-making, snarky woman, who was not at all the type of woman I would conventionally go for, into my life, into my house, into my heart. She didn't emit confidence, she didn't wear ostentatious clothing or jewellery worth more than an arm and a leg, she wasn't loud and she wasn't noticeably exuberant.
She was just everything good and shit, but predominantly good, rolled into this thing I didn't realise I needed until it was too late and I got addicted.
That's what I am; addicted.
Hi, I'm Edward Cullen and I am a Bella Swan addict. I've been without her for the past four, five days and I've suffered withdrawal symptoms; mild depression, anxiety, trouble sleeping. I don't think I want to give her up. I probably need help…
We only pulled away when we felt two small arms holding onto our middle and a comment about Bella being 'too big'. I looked down to see Olivia contently hugging the both of us with a little smile on her face. I wasn't entirely sure what I was supposed to do here and by Bella's face, I was guessing she didn't know either.
"Does this mean you really are marrying Bella now?" She asked, looking up at both, wide-eyed as she awaited an answer. I looked at Bella and sighed deeply while she giggled.
"No, this does not mean I'm marrying Bella now," I told her.
"Mm," she twisted her mouth from side to side, "Does this mean Bella can be here more often?"
"Bella's here all of the time anyway," Alice snorted.
"Mmmmm…" She seemed to be thinking something over in her head for once instead of verbalising it, and when she was done she smiled widely and held up a nicely decorated cupcake with blue frosting. "Do you want some of the cupcakes me and Meg made… Meg and I made. They have blue frosting and sparkly stuff and we made loads and loads."
Bella looked at me, trying to suppress a grin, "So I'm not going to lie, I ate, like, three hours ago, but I am starving and cake is sounding so good right now."
"Well then, cake we shall have." I smiled, taking both of their hands.
"I'd rather not," Alice said, putting her hand up as if to excuse herself.
"You can eat air instead, Alice," I laughed, mainly to myself seeing as she wasn't there, but Meg obviously heard me and shouted from the direction of the kitchen.
"Don't start that again, Edward."
---
"So, they're the twelve names I narrowed it down to, you need to narrow it down to six." Bella was lying in my bed, rolled onto one side, chomping away on her fifth cupcake. It turned out that Olivia wasn't exaggerating when she said they'd made a lot. Bella was quite thankful because she could eat a lot of them without feeling like the fat person and no-one would notice.
"Why do I have to do it?" I said, watching her warily as she broke a bit of the cake she was eating off and dropped it in her mouth. She'd handed me her notebook where she had a collection of names scrawled messily on the lines.
"Compensation, remember," she told me, as she broke off another piece of cake.
"Hmm," I looked closer at the names, taking the pen from her and underlining the six I liked best, "You'd better not be dropping crumbs..." I said while testing names out in my head. Jack Cullen? Jack Cullen. Say it quickly and it's Jacqueline… I'm not going to let my son be bullied over that. No.
I could hear her frantically wiping off the bed sheets and I smiled, deciding on changing the conversation so she didn't think I cared too much about the crumbs. Although I did. No-one likes sleeping in a bed full of crumbs. "So, Forks. How was it?"
She sighed, but I couldn't tell if it was a contented or disappointed sigh, "Honestly, it was both amazing and terrible."
I looked over at her as she rearranged my pillows behind her so she could sit up like I was. "Start with the terrible," I told her.
"I'm starting with the amazing… I know you're supposed to do it the other way round but if I end up crying or something, I don't want to be all sombre while telling you the good stuff." She smiled at me, and I nodded for her to continue. What it was that could ruin her perky mood concerned me, and I figured it was something to do with Charlie…
"So," she began cheerfully, "so, so, amazing, but I went out with Sue to the grocery store – oh and she can't wait to meet you, she's so lovely – anyway, one of her friends was in the store with her daughter who, coincidentally lives in New York. Anyway, we got talking and it turns out she's really into art. Really into it, like she collects and has friends in high places and all that. Anyway," she paused, smiling so hard I was sure she was going to burst or cry or both.
"Anyway…?"
"Sue told her that I do art… and I had some stuff I'd finished while I was there at home. She ended up seeing my sketchbook and she loved one of my drawings and said she would buy it off of me – yeah, I know right! But it's my sketchbook and… I couldn't let her have it so I showed her some of the other stuff I'd done. She bought two paintings off of me… for real money! And like, no-one has ever bought anything but candy… and weed… from me. And she said she's going to mention me to some people or something… and. Oh my god, it was amazing."
"Are you serious?" I said with a wide smile in place, the list of names temporarily forgotten. She nodded excitably, "Bella, that's amazing! I'm so proud of you!" Her smile dimmed a little as a flush of rose appeared on her cheeks and she bit her lip. Still, I just continued to gush over her until she insisted on telling me in detail everything later, but she needed to carry on.
She told me about meeting people she used to be friends with, she randomly mentioned seeing Mike but she didn't linger on him long, she said they left on good terms and all was well between them. She told me she'd starting a new painting and written an extensive list she on the plane home.
"I have a thing for lists, I have a million of them in my apartment. I stick them to the walls, and my frid-"
"I know, I've seen them…" I said inattentively, still putting names together in my mind. Benjamin Cullen? Ben Cullen? Lil Benny C?
"Yeah, well, we need to sort out or at least think about a birthing plan… which will be fun. And we need to sort out the nursery… and like, you're ok, I'm guessing, with having a room here but I don't have another room… I guess I'll just have to move things… hmm…" I quirked an eyebrow as she mused aloud before shaking her head and continuing, "Um, I need to go to the opticians. And are we going to go those birthing classes?"
"Do you want to go? We'll go if you want to…" Damien Cullen? Damien as in the devilchild in the Omen? Uh… no…
"Did Tanya go?" she asked, I shook my head. Tanya hadn't wanted to go to them so we never did. "Ok… well, maybe we will go. I booked it just in case at the one that is supposedly really good... I'll ask Rose about it. Um…"
"What was the terrible thing in Forks?" Lowering the notebook, I looked over at her quizzically.
"Oh, um, Charlie…" I rolled my eyes as she continued, "He was just… I don't know. I told him everything and I thought, I was actually really hoping he'd come round… but I guess he didn't want to." She slumped down a little, staring at her hands while she fiddled with her fingers, "He puts such a downer on everything and I just don't understand why. He only does it to me."
Her breathing started to pick up in that way it did when she was about to start crying. "And, I was so excited for once about something. And…" stuttered breaths. I put the notebook down again. "He was supposed to be happy for me, for once." Tears.
I sighed, putting my arm around her shoulders and bringing her into my embrace, "He just thinks I've ruined my life but I haven't ruined it." She cried quietly, covering her face with her hand, the other still holding her half eaten cupcake. I tried to prise her hand away from her face but she wasn't having any of it. Eventually I managed to pull a few fingers away so I could see one of her eyes, watery and sad.
"Oh Bella," I sighed, kissing the top of her head, "Is that all of the terrible?" She shook her head, a small sob emitting from her chest but she didn't say anything. "Are you going to tell me?" She nodded her head but then thought differently and shook it. I smiled. "Are you sure?"
And then I set her of, "I was… and… when… the dock…not… sunglasses… sorry… Scrabble…"
I couldn't understand what she was saying, but whatever it was she was just getting continually worked up about it. Maybe she had been molested by a squirrel and the experience was all too traumatic? It wasn't that she was upset that I was now finding funny, it was her muttering and then increased crying. I didn't understand it. In fact she'd got to the point where she was muttering incoherent words and crying almost hysterically.
And over what, I didn't fucking know. I was just hearing random words that made absolutely no sense together. It was funny, it was scary. It was pregnancy in all its hormonal glory.
"Bella, love, I haven't a clue what you're saying." She took her hands away from her face but still covered her mouth as she muttered and mumbled and tears streamed down her flushed cheeks.
"When… I realised… you… unicorn… Sue… Abercrombie… thick..."
"Baby, stop, breathe. Talk normally," I told her, placing both my hands on her shoulder to calm her down. And she was still holding the damn cupcake while she cried over words that meant nothing to me. She removed her hand suddenly and put it to her stomach, a small smile appearing on her face while she attempted to slow her breathing.
"He's kicking me really hard," she half stuttered, half laughed.
I put my hand over hers and laughed, "You're completely crazy you know. Wonderfully so, you're just… I haven't a clue what the hell it is you're going on about."
"Neither do I anymore," she murmured after a few seconds, still crying.
"You're a psycho preggo," I laughed again.
She pouted and smiled at the same time and I couldn't tell if she was finding this upsetting or funny, "I know, I am," she was laughing but she was still crying. I wiped her tears away with the pad of my thumb and shook my head and I stared at a pitiable expression. She was hormonal, a little sad and probably very tired after her travelling, it was never going to end well.
"Isabella Swan," I laugh-sighed, "You're ridiculous but," I tucked a loose strand back into her hair, letting my fingers gently brush her face before taking them away, "I love you." She made a weird squeaky, whiney noise and I could see her eyes prickling with tears once more, "Hey, don't even think about cryi-"
And then, out of nowhere she was on me. Well, her lips were crushed against mine, and her tears were dampening my cheek and her scent was everywhere. She was giving me so much more of something than she usually did, she was even still sobbing a little as she kissed me. She moved her free hand to the back of my head and held me to her. I couldn't move and I didn't want to. I found when she pulled away, I'd been rendered speechless. I couldn't fucking breathe.
Like she'd sucked all the air out of me with a kiss and I was just kind of… sitting there in my bed, thinking, Dude.
And then she said it. She fucking said it, really quietly from behind her hand in a quiet sob, "I love you, too."
. . .
"I love you, Edward," she said again, a little desperately. Probably willing a response that didn't seem to be coming from me.
I couldn't speak because my heart was thumping so hard it was in my mouth, clogging my airways. I couldn't move because there was a huge swelling in my body that seemed to be obstructing the connection of my spinal chord. And I couldn't fucking breathe because I'm sure my lungs just exploded.
Motherfucker, she loves me. She fucking loves me. Me.
She scooted a little closer to me, the paralyzed cocksucker still gaping at her, "I mean it," she sniffled, "I'm not going to say sorry. I'm not going to take it back, and I'm already crying, so…" She wiped another fallen tear from her face and pressed her forehead against mine, a smile on her lips.
Looking down briefly she picked up the notepad and looked at the names, "Ethan, Joshua, Aidan, Elijah, Theo and Adrian…" She peered back up at me our brows still touching, "They were my favourites too." Her eyelashes gently fluttered on her skin each time she blinked, and I wanted to… dammit I didn't know what I wanted to do.
I wanted to stay in this bed and eat her just so I'd have her forever. So I could have her just like this, crying for little reason and still looking beautiful. And I still fucking loved her and possibly even more knowing my affections were returned. Oh god, the feeling of having it returned was immense. Immense was a fucking understatement.
"I love you," she whispered her lips waiting for something from my own. I smiled widely, letting her wait, before she looked up at me and pouted.
"So help me god, I love you Isabella Swan, but if you think you are kissing me again with a fucking cupcake in your hand you are sorely mistaken. Put the goddamn cupcake down. You're dropping crumbs everywhere."
I know right, FINA-FUCKING-LLY! Now, I ask three things of you if you would be so kind. 1) There is a poll for baby names on my profile. Those are the six, love 'em, hate 'em, I don't really care, boys names are the hardest so vote for what you want.
2) My one-shot: P.P.P.S. I Love You- http://www(.)fanfiction(.)net/s/5318429/1/PPPS_I_love_you - If you haven't read it, please do. I cried my eyes out writing it SERIOUSLY. It's a T but I'm thinking of changing it to an M for the sake of it because... ugh. Anyway, I'd love to hear what the ladies that read this think of it. I think it's best if you're listening to a depressing playlist.
3)Review. It's an addiction, please feed it.
I hope you're all well, Happy 2010! You know you love me, XOXO