Disclaimer: I own nothing
A/N: Only five chapters left until the end of the story! It's been a roller coaster that keeps on going! Hope it's enjoyable!
Chapter 25: Makeover
Waking up was the hardest thing that I had to do since the day my dad told me of the deaths of my friends. So many times I wished that I could just fall into a sleep so peaceful, so relaxing that I could just die, but I was immortal and there was no sickness or deathly ill situation that would ever occur for me. The only way that I could die would be if someone killed me, and I wished on more than one occasion that someone would.
I carefully extricated Jake's arms from around me, so as not to wake him, and made my way to the shower. Looking at my self in the mirror made me sick. I hated my reflection and really didn't want to be the monster I saw staring back at me. Renesmee Cullen was a horrible person that was responsible for the deaths of the people she claimed to love. I was practically a living, breathing Lady Macbeth, walking around saying 'the blood, the blood'. There was too much "blood" spilled, so to speak, and it was inadvertently my fault. I wanted to escape it. That life was in the past, and my parents had given me an escape from that. I could never be fully human, but I could at least pretend to live a normal human life. Vanessa Wolfe would be the person that I became and would forever be. I would be the complete opposite of what I used to be.
This shower that I took, in a way, signified the cleansing of my guilt and the birth of a new and improved Vanessa Wolfe. As I hopped out of the shower, I knew that my transformation would not be complete if I didn't give myself a makeover. I tip-toed back into the room and grabbed a small box from my suitcase. I didn't think I would need to dye my hair after Renee had let us in without any problems. There was no need for a disguise because she bought our story and didn't dwell too long on my appearance. I hopped back into the shower, this time to dye my hair blonde.
After completing that task, I began getting dressed. My clothing of choice for the day was an off the shoulder blue mini- dress that hugged my every curve and was short enough to be considered a long shirt, and I also donned some blue pumps. For the first time ever, I applied red lipstick, mascara, and smoky blue eye shadow. I never gave make up a second thought before, but now I began to appreciate the fact that it made me look even less like myself. To complete the new me, I straightened my hair.
I walked out of the bathroom and down the hall to my room as Jake was making his way up the hall. His head was down and he seemed deep in thought as he almost pummeled me. I touched his shoulder and he looked up, mumbling that he was sorry, before really looking at me.
"Ness?" he asked as if he was unsure.
"Who else would it be, silly?" I giggled.
He ran his fingers through my hair, his mouth agape. "What did you do?"
My smile faltered and I felt tears stinging my eyes. He hated the new me. "I'm sorry; I can try to change it. It's not permanent dye, so I can fix it."
"No, no. Baby, if you love it, so do I. I just wish you had told me." His thumb brushed across my cheek, and he leaned down to press his lips against mine. He pushed me up against the wall as his hands roamed over my body. "Are you trying to test me to see how long I can keep my hands off you at school? This dress makes me want to…" He dipped his head down to my neck, placing nips there and all along my bare shoulder. Jake brought his lips back to mine before saying, "I almost feel like I'm cheating on you…you look so different."
I laughed. "Would you like to cheat on me with me, Jake?" I seductively purred. "That could definitely be arranged." My lips were only centimeters from his, and he leaned down to kiss me. I stopped him.
"But we're going to be late for school." I smiled and dashed to the room.
Gathering my books, I headed to the kitchen. Renee did a double take once she saw me. "I'm sorry, have we met before?" She laughed.
"I just felt like I needed a change and since getting out of my own skin isn't an option, changing it seemed to be the next best thing."
"Ignoring life doesn't really help anything. Dealing with what life throws at you is how you get over it," she counseled as she placed a plate in front of me.
I got a queasy feeling as I looked at the eggs on my plate. Eggs reminded me of the person I used to be, which meant that I detested them with a passion right now. I opted to eat the bacon and toast that also occupied my plate. She noticed and commented, "I thought eggs were your favorite."
"They were, but I'm just not in the mood for them today, I'm sorry." I felt guilty for not eating the food. After all, starving kids in other countries, and even starving kids in this country, would kill to have the food that I was wasting. I shook off my guilt and shuffled the eggs onto Jake's plate. "Jake will eat them."
I looked at the clock on the wall to see that we had fifteen minutes before we had to leave and Jake was still in the bathroom. I knocked on the bathroom door. "Jake, it's almost time to go and you still haven't eaten. C'mon or we're going to be late." I walked in to find him buttoning up his shirt. I moved his hands away to button it for him and kiss the bare skin of his chest before I buttoned each button.
When I was almost done, he said, "I think you should stop teasing me before we never make it to school, Renesmee."
I stopped abruptly, standing stiff. "Don't call me that," I almost hissed out. "Vanessa is fine, or Ness, I'll even allow Nessie, but never again call me that name!"
I walked up the hall without another word, grabbed my backpack and waited for him in the living room. Jake walked up, backpack in tow, and headed out the door, not saying a word to me. He walked to the sexiest car I had ever seen. I stood with my mouth open at the beauty that he was now cranking up. This was not just an ordinary car. This was a 1967 baby blue convertible Chevrolet Camaro with silver lining on the sides of the car, and baby blue interior. I cried a little inside at the sight, and my first thought was I want to have sex on that car. Followed by I want to have sex in that car.
As I slid into the passenger's seat all I could say was "wow". Jake didn't even smile at my reaction. I knew that I had unfairly upset him. "Jake, I'm sorry I snapped at you. It's just that I don't want to be that person. I want to forget that all those horrible things happened, and I want to forget that life."
He turned to me. "I'm a part of the life that you want to forget. Do you want to forget me too?"
"No, Jake, listen." I climbed into his lap, straddling him so that I could look at him fully. I put both my hands on his face and looked into his eyes, but instead of telling him I showed him how I was feeling. I showed Jake how it felt to hear of my friends' deaths. I showed him how it broke me that he yet again had to pick up my pieces, how it pained me to look at myself in the mirror this morning, and how I wished death upon myself when I felt undeserving of waking up. It was only then that he understood why I needed to escape that life.
Jake didn't comment on it, he didn't say anything because he knew that I would fall to pieces after revisiting those moments. He just kissed me, and I understood that this meant that all was well and he understood. I slid back into the passenger's seat and I saw Jake smiling.
"What are you smiling about?" I smiled too because his grin was infectious.
"You in that dress and those heels in this car…the fantasies in my head are endless." His eyes were black with lust.
"Baby, we got ten minutes to get to school."
"Fine," he said, defeated and finally started out of the driveway.
When we arrived at school, all eyes were on us. We were finally getting the "shiny new toy" attention that Mom mentioned when she was new at school. In the parking lot, the car vultures surrounded us, wanting to know what kind of car we had and all the details. Jake proudly informed them as I found Amya standing back in awe.
"What did you do?" she questioned.
"I decided that a change was in order." I smiled and waved to a guy behind her that was standing a few feet behind her, staring.
"Can I get a Vanessa special makeover? You look even more gorgeous than I thought possible. I mean you were already breathtakingly beautiful, but now…all the guys are walking around with their tongues hanging out of their mouths even more so than they were before!"
"Amya," I heard a familiar voice call from across the lot. "Who's your friend?" Dylan asked as he got closer.
"Already on the prowl again?" I arched an eyebrow at him. "I thought I was the only new girl that you were so insistently after. Dylan, I'm hurt." I pretended to be insulted.
"Vanessa, that's you? You've…a few days…how…damn. Come over here and hug me. We all heard about your friends' car accident. I'm sorry," he said as he embraced me and his hands gripped my ass.
Before I could do anything, I heard a growl from behind me and Jake appeared. "Get your hands off my wife's ass before I break them off and kick your ass with it," Jake commented harshly.
Dylan let go of me quickly as if I had burned him. I went over to Jake, wrapping my arms around his neck as he possessively pulled me close. I knew that jealousy, magnified by imprinting, was eating at him and he had to prove that I was his. He planted a kiss on me that was very inappropriate for the public eye. His hands were all over me and I heard quite a few whistles and gasps and girls sighing, but I let Jake do what he needed to do to get his point across.
When we finally broke for air, I looked pointedly at Dylan and smiled. I let go of Jake and walked back over to Dylan, grabbing his hand and bending it backward as he screamed. "Get a good look at it as I walk away, because that's the last time you'll ever touch my ass."
Jake grabbed my hand and I sauntered away, swishing my hips exaggeratedly, no doubt making Dylan drool. "You have no idea how hot that was. That was badass!" Jake exclaimed once we were at my homeroom class.
"It's the new me. I can handle my own if that fucker touches me again."
"And you've gained a foul mouth as well? I have no doubt that you can handle your own." He leaned down and kissed me before heading off in the direction of his homeroom.
It was within the first five minutes of homeroom that I regretted staying away from school for a day. I was close to being desensitized to the scent of blood, but now I could smell it full force once again. Thank goodness that homeroom was only ten minutes long, this was getting hard to deal with, especially since I convinced myself that I wanted a human lifestyle. Sitting there, I had almost convinced myself that I could never be human and that I should own up to what I am and just have a massacre in homeroom. I walked out of the room trying to shake the inner monster off.
You can do this, you can. You would never take a life for blood. I kept chanting to myself. I went to the bathroom, glad that it was empty, and texted Jake.
Jake, I need your help. I'm in the girls' bathroom across from my homeroom.
Be right there, he replied back.
When he walked in, he had a knowing look. Jake knew me too well sometimes. "Sweetheart, it's okay. Everything's alright," he soothed, pulling me to him.
I buried my face into his chest and said, "I fantasized about a homeroom massacre, Jake. I just want to be normal. I want you to have a normal -"
He stepped back so that he could look at my face. "Honey, you are perfect and uniquely you. I'm nowhere near normal. I turn into a giant wolf, sometimes uncontrollably. I didn't ask to be a wolf, hell I wanted to be normal too! But I dealt with it, baby, I dealt. I learned to live with the life I was given. I need you to do that for me, okay? I need you to stop worrying about what normal is and just live your life. If not for yourself, do it for me because I can't live without you. You're my reason for existence. I love you more than words can express. Ness, you gotta give me more credit than you do. What I need is you, no one else."
I couldn't keep dragging him down because my life was a bitch. It's a bitch for everyone. We all have shortcomings, but I was luckier than most. Having Jake as my support system was all I could ever ask for.
A smile formed on my lips as the back of my hand brushed his cheek. "You know, when I look at you I see forgiveness for everything that I've done, and I see that you love me for who I am. I see your soul, Jake. I don't deserve you, but for some reason you stick around, dealing with all of my idiocy. In your arms I feel so safe, so loved, and cared for. Thank you for just accepting me."
He kissed me softly and chuckled. "I love you, honey. Now let's get me out of the girls' bathroom before I get caught in here and sent to detention."
I laughed and peeked into the hall. All was clear so Jake shuffled out with me behind him. The late bell rang, letting us know that first period had started and with one last hug, we went our separate ways.
First period went by with me holding my breath for the duration of class, and Dylan holding his wrist, giving me sideways glances. I felt bad for what I'd done to him but I had decided that apologizing would mean giving him the right to touch me however he wanted, proving that my attempts at handling my own were futile. I wouldn't give him the benefit. After class was over, he stopped me in the hall. My guard was up and he could tell.
"Look, Vanessa, I just want to apologize for what happened in the parking lot. I deserved to have my wrist nearly broken. I was a jerk and I know it."
"I should apologize for nearly breaking your wrist. Violence is never the answer, though Jake would probably disagree right now. But violent delights have violent ends," I commented with a half smile.
"Romeo and Juliet?" he asked a bit unsure if he was correct. I nodded with a full smile.
"I know I didn't make a good first impression, but I'd like to start over." He held out a hand. "What do you say?"
I shook his hand. "I'm Vanessa, and I'm new around here."
"The name's Dylan. It's very nice to meet you." He smiled breathtakingly, throwing on his charm. "You care to be shown around?"
I rolled my eyes and began walking to Spanish class, retreating to the window seat I occupied on the first day. Mrs. Etheridge talked of conjugations, present tense and things that I already knew. My mind wandered as I doodled in my notebook. My phone vibrated with a text and I smiled knowing that it was Jake.
Hey, how are you, sweetheart?
Great now. Lunch is so far away. Can't wait to see you. I texted back.
Me either. Dylan not giving you any trouble is he? I had to smile at his message. Jake was so protective, but yet not smothering and I loved him for it.
No, he apologized. Things are okay now.
I'm glad you're okay…I'll see you in a few.
Jake…Thanks for everything. I love you.
I love you too, honey.
I counted the minutes and seconds until this class and the next was over. Seeing Jake made everything okay, and when I laid eyes on him in the cafeteria all was right in my world. Like the first day, I ran to him and jumped into his arms. This time I was the one showered in kisses.
"You know, I could get used to reuniting like this everyday," Jake commented.
"Well, they say absence makes the heart grow fonder." I smiled.
"There's no way I could love you any more than I already do. My heart would burst if I could love you more." He nuzzled his nose against my neck, and we embraced for a few minutes. "Eat," Jake ordered.
He slid the tray over to me and I wrinkled my nose at the imitation meat they were passing off as meatloaf. As I was eating, Amya came to stand in front of our table, followed by Dylan.
"You mind if I join you guys?" she asked timidly.
"Sure, have a seat." I smiled at her.
Our attention was then turned to Dylan. "I just wanted to come apologize to Jake for my actions earlier. I didn't…I was being a jackass and I know it. I really hope that we can start over as well."
"Keep your hands to yourself and we're cool," Jake advised, and Dylan nodded in agreement.
"Dylan," Danielle whined. "Didn't we talk about this?" She walked over to the table. "Oh, look a bottle blonde. The stripper look isn't going to help you make friends, you know."
I stood and we were eye to eye. "Says the skank that stuffs her bra and wears shorts that barely cover her ass," I pointed out, for once glad that my eyes saw more than a normal humans, and I noticed the inconsistencies. "I've been told that bra stuffing is so junior high. Either you got it or you don't." I flipped my hair in a manner that I'd seen her do. "I was born with it."
Danielle turned on her heels, grabbed Dylan's hand and walked out of the cafeteria. I sat back down and began eating as Jake and Amya exchanged glances before they started laughing.
"You were born with it, just like your -" Jake started.
"If you make a comment about my mother, Jacob Bla-" I began to say before Jake stopped me with a kiss. I had almost blown our cover in front of Amya.
Her eyebrows were raised inquisitively, but seeing our faces she didn't follow through with a question.
"I love you, and I just wanted to appreciate where you came from is all. And what if I was going to say your dad?" Jake remarked. Amya was a fit of giggles then.
I raised an eyebrow. "Really? I got it just like my father? I'm sure he'll be pleased to know that the next time we talk." I smirked.
"You wouldn't," he challenged.
"Watch me." I wickedly smiled and planted an innocent kiss on his lips.
"You two are hilarious," Amya jumped in. "Not anything like the people I observe around here. They are all about appearance and no fun."
In my best whiney Danielle impression, I said, "I care what people think of me." This brought on another round of laughter from Amya.
We spent the rest of lunch period making fun of Danielle, and Jake giving his impression of lovesick Dylan.
"He's not too lovesick on Danielle," Amya said abruptly.
"What are you talking about, Amya?" I asked.
"Call me Mya. Let's just say Dylan has a thing for new flavors," she informed sourly.
"Did you and Dylan…" I trailed off not quite sure how to finish.
She nodded. "When I moved here, he was all about helping me and we dated, secretly of course. It was fun and exciting sneaking around with the hottest guy at school. I didn't have any friends, so who would I ever tell? He filled me with lines like 'you're my best kept secret', and his explanation of why we were a secret was worth an Oscar. 'Coach doesn't want his star football player to date, because the drama would get to me and interfere with my game'. But really, it was because of Danielle." She finished as the bell rang.
We got up and Jake walked with us to health class, which I was pleasantly surprised that Mya had as well. "That's why I have no friends. Danielle turned the truth in her favor, and I was shunned and labeled a pathetic attempted-boyfriend-stealer. For a while, Dylan didn't even acknowledge me. He just let everyone believe her."
I could see that Jake was angry. Another quality I loved about Jake was that he was compassionate toward others. He had just met Mya, yet he was ready to bash Dylan's face in again. "I knew I didn't like him for a reason," Jake interrupted.
She smiled understandingly. "He's changed a bit, or at least I thought he had. Dylan saw the error of his ways and apologized, setting the record straight. Everyone moved on, except Danielle and her followers. She still hates me."
We were standing in front of our classroom when Jake enveloped Mya into a hug. At first she was shocked, but then hugged him back. "If you want me to, I'll do what someone should have done to him a long time ago," Jake offered.
"You know what they say. Violent delights…" Mya trailed off.
"Have violent ends," I finished, smiling at her.
"Shakespeare." Jake shook his head before planting a goodbye kiss on me.
The last two class periods seemed to breeze by, mainly because my mind was reeling with the information that Mya had given Jake and me at lunch. I knew that there had to be more to the story that she wasn't telling me. I needed some girl time with Amya, so that finally she could share her story with someone. When I looked at her as she told us the miniscule details, I knew that it was like a weight had been lifted.
Once class was over, Jake met me at my locker. Amya joined us and asked, "So do you guys have plans after school today?"
I looked at Jake, and he replied, "I actually have some things to do, but you two can hang out if you want. I'll catch up later." I knew that he was giving her time to talk to me girl to girl.
"I'll text you later," I told him, and with a nod he walked toward the parking lot.
"So where do you want to hang out?" she asked.
"How about the park?" I suggested.
"Sure," she agreed.
We rode silently to the park in Amya's white Kia Rio, letting the music fill the silence. When we got to the park, I headed for the swings. For a while we swung carefree and silent still. I thought about how fast my childhood went, and how I didn't get a chance to swing and play on the playground with other kids because of my rapid growth. It felt nice just to swing and feel the illusion of flying.
"You know, when I was a kid, I never got to do this," I said, breaking the silence.
"Really? What kind of childhood did you have?"
"A sheltered one." I laughed. "Don't get me wrong, I was loved very much, but homeschooling had its disadvantages."
"Ah, understandable," she replied.
I wasn't sure if it was okay to broach the topic, but I did anyway. "About earlier…did you and Dylan ever…"
She looked down at her feet, answering the ground. "Yes." She sighed. "He was…my first."
"Mya," I said sympathetically. "I'm sorry."
"I was so naïve. I believed that he loved me because he said he did," she admitted.
"So after all that happened, how…I mean you seem to be almost friends?" I was trying to understand.
"We still talk. He calls me sometimes, and we text even more so. I guess you could say we're friends now. After he apologized, we talked. He felt bad for the way things worked out, and he admitted that he still cared for me. I was the one to draw the line. Vanessa, he hurt me. I didn't know about Danielle. If I had, I would never have gotten involved with him. We couldn't be together ever again, because even if he broke up with her, I would never be able to trust him again. But I wasn't able to sever all ties with him because we bonded for the time that we were together, and we were each other's first."
"You mean to tell me that Danielle and Dylan hadn't had sex yet?"
She laughed. "No, back then Danielle was an ice queen when it came to sex. She was practically a saint, but when she found out about Dylan and me, she quickly jumped into bed with him to "erase" what he had shared with me."
"How long were you two together?"
"About a year. I moved here in the spring semester of my freshman year, and we were seeing each other from the middle of spring until the end of fall semester of my sophomore year."
The question burning inside my mind tripped out next. "Did you love him?"
"I did. The Dylan that you know wasn't the same person I met. When he was with me, he was sweet, charming, and caring. I should've known something was up when I saw how he acted around his football buddies." She laughed. "That's the Dylan you've seen in action, but I told myself that he was himself when he was with me…boy, was I wrong. I accept who he is, and I even forgave his mistakes. It took a while, but we can truly be friends. Danielle isn't happy about it, but who cares what she thinks."
We swung silently for a while, and I got a text from Jake asking where I was. I informed him and he told me he'd be there in a few minutes.
"So, what's your story with Jake? It must be a good one, seeing as you're married." Amya smiled.
"It's kind of boring, actually," I lied. Mine and Jake's story was anything but boring, but the story I had to tell her was boring. "I've known Jake my entire life. At some point in our lives, our feelings went from sibling-like to romantic. Our parents were supportive of our relationship…well, not in the beginning, but they warmed up to it because nothing they could do would break us apart. So, marriage seemed to be the next step for us." A smiled tugged at the corners of my mouth as I thought the beginning of our relationship.
The sun was setting, casting a beautiful orange glow upon the sky as the smothering heat began to cool and the wind blew coolly upon us. I saw Jake in the distance, walking toward us.
"Sorry I didn't get to hang out with you two. I bet a missed a rousing evening of girl talk, huh?" he said.
"You sure did, too bad. A slumber party is in order next, and you just have to let us do something with your nails," Mya joked.
"I like her," Jake said to me.
I laughed. "I'm glad, and our friendship was just waiting for your stamp of approval to be valid."
Mya stood and stretched. "I better be getting home." She hugged Jake. "I approve of you too." When she got to me, she hugged me tight. "Thanks. You have no idea how good it feels to be able to talk to someone about things." Amya began walking to her car and waved over her shoulder. "I'll see you guys tomorrow."
As Jake drove to Renee's, I filled him in on Mya and Dylan. When we arrived, Jake parked in the driveway and the garage door was closed. I didn't ask why, I just figured that Renee and Phil were both home so, there was no need to leave it open. He walked me into the house in silence, and then around to the inside entrance to the garage.
"Jake, what's in the garage?" I asked curiously.
"I just have something to show you," he said, continuing to lead the way.
He opened the door to the garage and tears flooded my vision at the sight before me. There were twinkling lights every where, a small, black leather couch in the corner, the T.V. from our room in the corner, and in the center of the garage was a small table with a bouquet of roses, and two plates of food. It smelled like we were going to have spaghetti. It felt as if I was transported back in time, back to when things were easier. Jake had a small remote in his hand, with which he turned on a radio.
He held out a hand. "Would you do me the honor of dancing with me?"
"Of course," I said as I took his hand.
The song that was playing was not our song from long ago. I had never heard this song but the lyrics struck me as we swayed together.
There is no guarantee that this life is easy
And when my world is falling apart
When there is no light to break up the dark
That's when I look at you.
When the waves are flooding the shore
And I can't find my way home anymore
That's when I look at you.
When I look at you, I see forgiveness
I see the truth. You love me for who I am
Like the stars or the moon.
Right there where they belong and
I know I'm not alone.
I lifted my head from Jake's shoulder, realizing that the words were almost the very same that I'd uttered that day. "I heard it on the radio, and the words reminded me of yours from earlier. I want you to know that you aren't alone. I'm always here."
"Jake, this is wonderful. It reminds me of our place. It reminds me of the first time you told me you love me, the first time we got to be together after so long being apart, and the first time I got to sleep over." He smiled, gently caressing my cheek with his hand. I smiled as happy tears rolled down my face. I knew what he wanted to say, but he was unsure if he should. "Say it, I won't be upset."
"Renesmee Carlie Cullen, I love you, and I'm in love with you," he almost mirrored the words of a simpler time.
I caressed his cheek, resting my palm there, showing him the first time I realized that I loved him. "Jacob Black, I love you, and I always will."
He leaned down, pressing his lips to mine. Just like the first time, I felt the electricity of the kiss and my heart felt like it would spill over with the love I felt for him. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and he in turn wrapped his around my waist. I melted against him, and we stumbled back to the couch. With the food untouched, and the T.V. forgotten, Jake and I made love.
I felt a bit guilty for defiling Renee and Phil's garage, but on our way to the shower, Jake informed me that Phil was away teaching a baseball clinic and Renee went along. That night, nothing else mattered to me. Not who I was, or what unfortunate circumstances life had thrown at me. Just being with Jake was enough. He was everything I needed at that moment.
Hope you enjoyed it!