Chapter 24:

Unforgiven

Part 1

"What do you mean you can't tell us?" Dean said his voice raised slightly.

"I don't know." I yelled at him. Sam put his hand on my shoulder to get me to calm myself.

"You don't know, it's been so long, or you hit your head and forgot don't know?" Sam asked his voice aggravated.

Dean shot me a look. "Quick what's your boyfriend's name?"

I put my left hand over my heart. "I have a boyfriend?" I asked in mock shock. "I'm not amnesic Dean. I know who Sam is, you ass-hat!" I hit Dean in the shoulder.

Bobby stepped in between us and pulled me into a hug. "Now darlin' just slow down and don't mind these idjits."

"I know it's there, but for some reason I can't say. Like I literally cannot force the words out of my mouth." I explained. Dean nodded his head like he understood, but Sam made a small noise that told me quickly that he clearly didn't. I sighed.

Sam's celled phone made a noise announcing that he received a text. He picked up his phone and looked at it. "Hmmm."

"What?" I asked him. He showed his phone to us. "Are those coordinates?" I asked him.

Sam went to his laptop and typed them in. "Who's it from?" Dean asked him.

"I have no idea." He admitted.

"Well?" Bobby asked.

"Uh, Bristol, Rhode Island, where three women disappeared in the last week. Apparently, the, uh, victims seemed to vanish into thin air." He explained.

At hearing the name Bristol, in my head I saw a sign for the town. "Where memories are made." I shook my head, knowing exactly what was going on.

"Could be something. Who's the text from?" Dean asked him.

"I don't know. It just kept ringing." Sam explained.

"What's that about?" Dean was now curious.

"Could be another hunter looking for backup, throwing us a case? Who knows how many hunters I even met, working with the Campbells, you know? But I think we should go." Sam shrugged his shoulders.

"It's a trap." I yelled in a panic. All eyes were on me. I threw my hands up and looked at Dean. "He's been there before, Dean. Don't need him scratching at the walls on top of the fact that it is a TRAP." I looked at Sam. "You can't go, Sam!"

"What?" Sam asked me confused.

"You heard me. You can't go." I looked at Dean again. "What was it that your dad use to say Dean?" My eyes found Sam's. "Never use the same crapper twice?"

Sam shook his head. "Nikki has a point Sammy. If you were there before, you don't need to go back. I can't risk the walls coming down." Dean frowned at him.

Sam's face got red. I thought he was gonna yell at Dean, but he ended up turning to me. "You can't tell me what to do Nikki! You're my girlfriend, not my wife!" I loudly gasped when he said that. He looked towards his brother for backup, but Dean just took a step back his eyes flickering back from me and my hurt face to Sam. "Dean, can't you see how stupid this is? I mean, first she tells us that she knows how to kill Eve, but won't tell us how. And now that there are missing women in Bristol, and she doesn't want me to go because she saw what happens on a stupid tv show?" He looked at me, his eyes lit with anger. "Screw that. I can't just ignore this. If I was there before then I didn't do my job right or this thing wouldn't keep killing!"

All the color drained from my face. "These missing women all have one thing in common, Sam." I looked at him and backed closer to Bobby who threw his arms protectively around me. He had taken to the daddy role pretty quickly. "You slept with every one of them. You killed a female Arachne when you were there the last time and now the former Sheriff has turned into one and looking for revenge cause you used him as bait." I had started to cry. "I might just be your girlfriend and not your wife Sam, but if you don't watch your tone with me, I won't even be that."

Sam completely ignored my threat. "That is even more the reason for me to go. I have to clean up my own mess." Sam paced around. "You can't just tell me some things and not tell me other things, just to suit you. That's bullshit." Sam walked out of the room.

"What about the one you just made?" I asked, but he was already gone. My breathing hitched and my legs gave out. Bobby caught me before I got to the floor and gently led me to a chair. I put my head in my hands and started to cry harder. Bobby grabbed a gun off the table and started to follow Sam out. Dean stopped him. "What are you doin?"

"You heard how he talked to her, Dean. That shit won't fly with me. Nikki might sit there and take it, but he ain't gonna act like that to my baby girl. I don't care how damn stressed out he is." Bobby gruffed.

"Listen, maybe me and Sam should go check it out. We already know what it is and who it is. We can get in and out real quick and then you and I can take turns kicking the shit out of Sammy. I have never seen him act like that towards her and you know as well as I do that he didn't mean it. He'll probably be beating himself up worse that we could when his head clears." Dean raised an eyebrow waiting on Bobby to say something.

Bobby put the gun down. "Balls! Fine, but I ever hear him talkin' that way to her again, ain't nothin you say that will stop me from beating the tar out of that boy!"

Dean flashed him a tight smile. "I'll be in line right behind you. We don't deserve her Bobby, none of us do."

"Ain't that the truth." Bobby shook his head and walked over to grab a bottle of whiskey off the table. He unscrewed the lid and took a long pull off of the bottle before putting it back down and crewing the lid on tight.

"Nikki, you alright darlin?" Bobby asked me.

"Yeah, Dad. I'm fine. I think I'll go home for a while. I need to clean up, but I'll be back and make some supper for us later." I kissed him on the cheek and he watched me with worried eyes as I disappeared out of the door.

I saw Sam out of the corner of my eye as I wandered through the maze of old broken down cars. "I guess sex does change things." I choked out, turning my head towards him. He took a step toward me, but I I just wiped my red, tear streaked face and kept walking. When my house came into view, I started to walk faster, suddenly desperate to get closer. Castiel appeared on the front porch and I ran up and hugged him.

"Where have you been Castiel?" I asked before he pulled away from the hug. Something was off.

"I have been busy." He stated vaguely. "Why did you hug me? Did you need comfort?"

"Is it so hard to believe I missed you? You're my friend." I scoffed.

"What is going on, Nikki?" He asked ignoring my last comment.

"Sam is walking into a trap. I tried to warn him, but because I can't tell him how to kill Eve, he blew up and said things that really hurt my feelings. He's actually being a dick about the whole thing." I explained.

"If he knows that it is a trap, Sam and Dean can be better prepared to handle the situation."

"Who's side are you on?" I snapped at him. This was not the way I thought that he would respond.

"I am not taking sides against you and the Winchesters, Nikki." He took a step back.

"And I'm sure as hell not asking you too Castiel." I threw my hands on my hips. "I don't want Sam to go because this is when his wall starts to really break. Poophead won't stop scratching at it." I hung my head and took a deep breath. "You seem different." I told him.

"I have had a friend helping me to block out your emotions...for the most part. Sometimes they slip through the cracks. That is why I am here. You are upset and needed me."

"You don't seem like you want to be here." I stated.

"I don't, not really. There is much to be done. I am fighting a war, incase you have forgotten." He shot at me.

"You don't want to feel my emotions?" I screamed. He nodded. "Then leave, because my disappointment in you right now is so strong that I doubt you will be able to block it out for long." I started crying again. I felt weak. My boyfriend was being a dick, my best friend didn't want me around. All in all, I felt very depressed. I grabbed my guitar, needing to get lost in the music that it would create. The song I felt like playing was the last one that I had learned before I was relocated. Icon for Hire was a talented group and I really connected with the songs they sang. Nerve was suppose to be played faster, but the acoustic version that I liked to play made the song sadder than it really was.

I plucked a few cords on my guitar until I felt comfortable. "I have a heart that gets on everybody's nerves. They don't want the truth..." I took a deep breath and paused to sound as broken as I felt. "They just want the words. Blah blah blah blah blah and I can sing until I'm dead and none of you'll remember a single things I've said." My fingers plucked fast at the strings, making my guitar sound like it was getting agitated. I know that I was. "What's the point in being a voice when everyone's already sick of the noise?" I sang a little faster. "Everyone's already sick of the noise, everyone's already sick of the noise. What's the point of trying to change when everyone's already stuck in their ways. Everyone's happy with more of the same, more of the same, more of the same." I started strumming and took a deep breath. "We were born kicking and screaming, until we learned to turn it down." The chorus was meant to be powerful. Honestly, I was just trying to release some stress. "Took our dreams and got in line, held our breath and hoped to die. Fade on and all along, we got it wrong. Live a slow and painful life put your heart on hold inside. Fade on and all along I got it wrong." I sang loudly

"Please play something less depressing, doll. That song is too heartbreaking to let you to continue." Crowley said popping in front of me.

I put my guitar down. "So where did you end up?" I asked him cautiously. My hand subtly started to become encased with my bubble.

"Funny enough I woke up in a cotton field in Kennett, Missouri. Lucky for me, that is where Miguel is from and he just so happened to be home for some quality time with his famila." Crowley explained. He looked at me weirdly before taking a big whiff of the air around me. Crowley made the ugliest frowney face that I had ever had the misfortune to witness. "You've been deflowered by the moose." He told me like the words were toxic to his tongue. "How could you? Don't you know what you've done?" He accused me.

I looked at him hurt. "What I do in my own personal time, is none of your concern." I folder my arms and stuck my nose in the air.

"But Nicolette, now you are bonded to him, forever." Crowley explain, a hurt look on his face. I stood up and walked around the front porch.

"How do you even know that?" I asked him.

"When I woke up in Missouri, I felt different and I'll tell you right now, that I don't like it. You brought back some of my humanity." He explained. "It's hard to be the King of Hell and feel...things." He looked at me for a long moment and shook his head. "I was curious how you could have done that, so I did some digging, made a few calls, killed a few people and finally found something about you." Crowley proudly stated.

"Really?" I scoffed. "What could you possibly find out from me?"

"Your soul just happens to be the brightest one that the guf of souls has ever seen. Haos was very informative about you." Crowley grinned.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Hoas?" I asked weakly.

xxxxxxxMeanwhile...

Dean had just finished loading the Impala. "Sam!" He hollered at his brother who was staring in the direction of Nikki's house. They had all briefly heard her sad song. It was quiet now. "Time to go!" Dean yelled. Sam didn't move. Dean sighed and walked over to his little brother. "Sam?" The brother's eyes met.

"I shouldn't have blown up on her like that. She's just trying to help. I know that, I..." He looked down. "I just got so frustrated." Sam admitted.

"She'll forgive you Sam." Dean confidently told him. "I mean, you should not have talked to her like that... hell me and Bobby were ready to whip your ass, but Nikki loves you. It'll be okay."

"I'm not sure Dean." Sam shook his head. "On the way home she looked at me and said: I guess sex does change things. What the hell am I gonna do?"

Dean's mouth dropped. "Seriously?" He palmed his face. "You are in deep shit, man." Dean's face got red as he realized something. "Shit. This means that we aren't going to get a goody cooler either." He kicked the dirt with his foot. "Dammit." He pointed a finger at Sam. "You owe me pie now."

"Jerk." Sam said to his brother.

"Bitch." Dean smiled. "Now go so goodbye to Nikki." Sam hesitated. "You know she will be even more pissed if you don't." Dean warned.

"Yeah. You're right." Sam said defeated and he began to walk to her house.

xxxxxxx

"Well at least I told you and believe me after what you did to me, you ought to count yourself lucky." Crowley told her.

"How do I even know that you are telling the truth?" I asked him.

"Well, you can sleep with me and find out darlin." He smiled.

"Don't think I'll chance it. You should leave now." I told him. I felt so heavy with all this new information. There was so much to take in that I knew a migraine would ensue.

Crowley looked to his right into my yard and grunted. "Moose." He looked at me and grabbed my hand tenderly. "I'll be in touch, Lovie." He was gone as quickly as he appeared.

Everything was too much at the moment and I layed back on my porch and covered my eyes with my arms, trying to will away my thoughts.

"Nikki?" It was Sam.

I didn't move. "If you expect me to apologize for trying to keep you sane then you're full of shit."

"I'm the one that should apologize, Nikki. I was frustrated and I took it out on you. I'm sorry." The porch squeaked and I knew that Sam had sat down next to me. I stayed in my spot. "Please look at me." He asked softly.

"No." I frowned.

"Please look at me, Nikki." He pleaded.

"No." I repeated. No sooner had I spoken, Sam's hands pulled my arms away from my head. I made a sound of displeasure and sat up.

"You know that I love you right?" He asked me.

Finally, I looked at him. "Yes." I answered weakly.

"I really do. With all of my heart. I've never felt this way about another woman, ever. There is no excuse for the way that I talked to you and I am so very, deeply sorry if I lead you to believe that we would change for the worse after we had sex." He gave me the puppy dog eyes. Dammit. I looked down. He sniffled so I glanced back up and saw that he was crying. "I don't want to loose you." He cried.

"Son of a bitch." I cursed myself. "Sam, you are not going to loose me. Even death could not separate us. Trust me. I know." I thought of what Crowley told me. "We are connected in such a unique way, Sam, that nothing, not even you being a grade-a douche, can really touch it. I know that I'm gonna piss you off sometimes. You sure as shit piss me off sometimes...but just because I'm mad at you, doesn't mean that I love you any less." I put my hands up to his face and wiped away the tears. "I love you Sam Winchester." He smiled. "But if you ever talk to me like that again, I'm gonna punch you in the face and let Dean and Bobby lose on you."

Sam laughed and pulled me into a kiss. Of course I gave in. "We're leaving, but I will call you." I nodded. He started walking away.

"Sam?" He stopped and turned around. "Just remember that what you did when you didn't have your soul is not your fault. Don't feel guilty." I urged knowing that he wouldn't. He nodded and blew me a kiss. When I saw that he was gone, I walked into my house and went straight for the library. The oldest book in the room didn't have a title. It was thick and ugly, but I knew that this was Hoas' book of truths. Crowley had told me as much. Lucky for me it was in latin and I knew a guy who could read it. Bobby would translate it and confirm what I had been told while I cooked dinner. Seemed like a good trade.