LOCATION: CARDIAN ISLES, WORLD B.
OCCASION: 1 DAY BEFORE "14th CYCLE."
As you might have guessed, I covenanted with Shinryu, to be His aide and sustenance. Whether it is my covenant with Chaos and Cid that actually sustains Him, though, I cannot say. Through alliances I have now a share of three of the major powers in this final battle. If I still had ambition, I would seek alliance and a share of Omega's power. I could, if I reached out my hand, I could join any side in this battle I so desired.
But my ambition is dead. Every time I consider betraying them for gain, I remember the woman in the world of flowers, and the girl I sold to the Gods. I remember the ease with which the Scholar defeated me, and the terrible pain I now keep at bay only by binding myself to Shinryu. I am no longer a man, but a mat upon which men trod.
I am bothered, too, by the things that Elena said. Who is this Goddess she spoke of? Surely not Cosmos. Who, then? And what became of Elena, after I left her? Is she still stranded there, in that world of flowers? And if so, is that truly so bad a thing? And what did she mean by "Kidd"? What is this of a name for the woman who loved the Son of Cid? I have never before heard such things.
What did you get, Cid Previa? What became of you after you struck me down? Is all of this anguish really worth our ideals anymore? I cannot help but think that it is not. All this bother of ideologies, of hatred, of exclusion and wars, it shouldn't be. If only there were a God who loved us, and cared for us, and kept us all safe, that we could live free of these terrible pains we inflict upon ourselves.
If only there were a God, I should say. I cannot hope to believe that the creatures we called Gods in the worlds below truly are. But if they are, is there any point to reaching World A? Maybe we are better in World B, where at least we will always have hope. Or maybe Chaos is the God we need. His plan to rend reality might be the peace and love we deserve, if not the one we need or want.
I despair, now, of all hope. There is no God above the Gods we have known. World A is a desolate place, devoid of the brotherhood and freedom and love that Dorgan Klauser envisioned. And he was a man, weak and killable, and not fit to be our God. Our Gods are not fit to be our God.
Then let not Chaos be my God! Let not Cid Lufaine be my God! Let not Shinryu be my God! Let not Cosmos be my God! If there is no God worthy of us, then I reject and renounce all Gods! Come Omega, oh come! Come and wipe us all down! We are without hope, because there is no faith, and we have no faith because there is no God for us to believe in!
Come, then, Omega, and destroy us all! Be our Goddess of Hope, you beautiful destroyer! Annihilate us, and turn out the lights of the worlds when you leave! Put us out of our misery, and save us from ourselves with the only peace we can be sure will last!
We are sinners, in the hands of an angry Goddess! We are fools, burning our houses before the coming maelstrom! We judge others because of their beliefs, because of their skin, their gender, their homeland, their sex, and reject those who should be our friends! We hate, and lie, and steal, and cheat, and kill, and worse! We are monsters, and She is the hero!
Erase us, Omega, for we draw about ourselves a black outline, to separate our vibrant colors from those around us. We say that brown is real and mock the colorful. Wash us from all reality, Omega, and give us that which we so completely desire! If life is nothing but a battle and a struggle for dominance, put it to an end. If there is no hope, there is no reason to live! Take us from this pointless struggle, then, Omega. Sooner I would be engulfed by the Void's embrace than spend one more day fighting for what I know I will never achieve.
Omega, have mercy on our souls, for we have had no mercy on our selves.