It was Hagrid that had bounded toward her, picking up her limp frame with enormous strength. He thundered back across the grounds and into his hut, slamming the door shut behind him.

It was a few minutes before Tonks came to, as pale and frightened as he had been whenever he recalled Azkaban. He knew instantly what had happened. Everything was a blur to her still... Hagrid's heart rate finally slowed. He was still in disbelief that she'd even gotten out alive. They sat in silence as he poured her a mug of tea.

"Find 'im did ye?" he asked lowly, handing the scared woman a chipped cup.

She nodded slowly, lost to shock. She looked to him much like a little girl, who'd awoken from some hellish nightmare. He pulled her into a grandiose hug, petting her hair with his large hands. Sensing what was coming next, he handed her a trash bin, and sure enough she released her sick. She came back up from the trash can, nodding her head to Hagrid in thanks, wiping her face. Every breath seemed unable to permeate lungs, the cruel face of the beast fixed permanently into her mind. She trembled.

"I Alwes told Dumbledore you wer too young fer this n' tha'. Barely old enough to leave Hogwarts, and bein' sent on missions 'n'at" Hagrid began

"And don' get me started on Lupin- you saw full proof 'is reasons. That's the only durn reason it's righ' in sayin' that 'e wont have ye."

Fang whimpered.

Tonks nodded slighlty, and sat back in her chair. For the next few hours, Tonks stared into Hagrid's fire unspeaking, the ghost of Lupin's howls haunting her as she drifted into a deep deep sleep...

Tonks awoke the next morning with a start. The fire had been lit by Hagrid and the Chilly fall air was nowhere to be found inside the cabin. She called out for Fang, but when no answer came, she walked over to the cupboard and managed to find a small note.

Out with Fang- help yerself to some tea. Dumbledore took care of yer 'sick-day' notice fer ye.

- Hagrid

Tonks gave a shrug and set the kettle up on the stove. The aching in her back was starting to catch up with her, and she let out a large stretch, and a yawn. She looked out the window to see the trees, leaves painted in their brilliant autumn colors, littering the ground in their reds, browns, and golds. She took off her jacket and kicked off her shoes. Her hair still hung lank and brown like curtains on either side of her face. She checked her bandaged up wrists, and fingered her swollen lip.

Looks like I've had a hell of a night, she thought, sudddenly thankful for Hagrid's hospitality.

She was just about to pour herself some tea when she heard a rapid-fire knock at the door. She walked over, realizing for the first time it hurt to walk longer distances, and opened it, expecting Hagrid. Before her was an alarmingly thin, sick looking man covered in scrapes and bruises. Her heart fluttered. He began talking in a panic before he even looked at her.

"Hagrid! Have you seen Tonks-"

"Why yes Remus I have-"

"Last night, she-"

"Mmm-hmmm..." she said crossing her arms, wondering how long it would take Remus to realize he was indeed not talking to Hagrid.

Remus paused. That voice does not belong to Hagrid.

"Oh Thank God!" he said looking up suddenly.

She gave him a half smile and opened the door further. He went straight for her, embracing her, and gripping her tightly with his slender hands. Her body twinged in pain, and so she did not return the embrace. She did not want him to know that it hurt.

"Come on in, I've just set the kettle" she said stepping back, looking away from him.

"So... you're alright then." he added smally.

Tonks thought about this statement a moment. She did not have it in her to fight him, not now. She was exhausted, and knew she would have to leave soon if she wanted to at all.

"Listen, I'd better go, I'm late for work." she said curtly.

She expected him to move away from the doorframe, and aid in her escape, but he didn't.

"Remus, you're sort of... blocking the door," she tried with a smile on her face.

He didn't budge.

She could feel him staring at her, waiting for her to lift her eyes to his. She couldn't. She wouldn't. They were extremely close now. Remus still erect like a great stone wall between her and her way out of the cabin. He lifted her right wrist to him gingerly, the touch immediately sending her eyes to meet his. He surveyed her arm all black and blue, her face almost more pale than his.

"I've hurt you" he said quietly.

It killed her when he talked like that. She'd have preferred it if he had screamed at her: this pathetic softness is what drove her mad.

"N-no..." she tried lamely.

He moved his eyes to meet hers, not letting go. They stared at each other for a moment.

She retrieved her arm slowly, smiling. Remus wore a hint of shock that she, for the first time he could remember, pulled away from him.

"Honestly, you didn't. I've got to go. Feel better." she said trying once again to grab the doorknob. Remus didn't move.

"Tonks..." he began weakly. She looked up at him once more.

He wanted to hold her, make her better, stare into her eyes until they could remain open no more. He pulled her into his arms again, settling for squeezing her, hard. He kissed her on the cheek.

"You too..."

She moved quickly past him, drawing her coat tighter around her as she walked on.

No matter what he did, it hurt someone. He knew Tonks wouldn't want to talk about the previous night, but it ate him alive knowing he hurt her. He was no fool, he could see past her facade she was scared, terrified of him... It was the worst night he had ever spent as a werewolf... alone, tormented, and choking on her scent... He grew sick with sleep. He shoved his hand in his pocket, unsure of what to do with himself. He hated this. Tonks had fast become one of his dearest friends, and now - what with Sirius gone- everything had become so complicated. He felt silly- like he should be used to feeling alone by now, but for some reason his loneliness was so much worse... The problem was that before he didn't know what it was to grow closer to someone or have them depend on him.

He questioned himself: Why not try to at least have a friendship with Nymphadora? He may not ever be able to have a romantic relationship with her, but not even being able to speak to her?

Moments later he was walking briskly outside of Hagrid's hut, attempting tiredly to catch up with Tonks.

He was a few feet behind her.

"Tonks!" he called out. She stopped suddenly and turned around.

Remus?

She backtracked a few feet to meet the ex-professor halfway.

"What's up?" she asked nonchalantly.

He gave her a smile, and caught up to her.

"You're not working today, are you?" he asked. "I've got to hear to the Weasley home in a bit, I'm sure Molly would love to see you," he added, trying desperately to hide the part of him that was begging her to join him. She looked at the ground thoughtfully for a moment before looking up at him.

"Well thank you much for the offer Remus, but I'm afraid I'd impose-"

"On Molly? That's not possible. Besides, I expect she already thinks you're coming" he lied.

There was something strange going on here- something odd about Lupin's persistence. What was he up to? Normally an incident like had happened the night before would close him off for months from her.

"And... I owe you an apology" he continued.

Ah. There it was. Pity. That's why he'd invited her. Her heart sank. He tried again.

"I'd enjoy the company?"

"No thanks Remus you don't have to feel sorry for- what?" she asked suddenly.

He smiled at her.

"I said I'd enjoy the company... It's been some time," he said scratching the back of his neck.

God she loved it when he did that. It was just one more of those adorable little things that he did... Then she sank.

"I quit" she said suddenly.

He looked surprised.

"Sorry?" he asked lightly.

"I don't understand you Remus, I really don't. I mean one moment you're desperate for me to 'get away' from you, and in the next you're inviting to Tea! I mean honestly Remus, what would you like me to say?" she finished in a huff.

"I want you to say whatever you want to say..."

"Oh Jesus, Remus don't give me that bullshit. Tell me what you want!"

"What I want has nothing to do with anything, alright, forgive me for being courteous-"

"Oh courtesy! Oh yes, fine, sure, that's what that is, courtesy-"

"This was a mistake-"

"What!? You have a lousy idea? Not possible Moony, I assure you-"

"What has gotten into you?!-"

"Obviously not any part of you!" She shouted finally.

"I - what?!" he replied.

She clapped her hand over her mouth. He sighed heavily and shook his head.

"You are the most exasperating woman I have ever met, do you know that?" he asked suddenly, throwing his arms to his sides.

"Oh Jog ON" she snapped, and with that she began to walk away.

"Tonks-"

"When you have the courage to buck up and invite me to tea because you want me to be with you -(at this Remus started laughing)- instead of your paranoia that you scared me last night, then I will accompany you!" she finished furious at his laughter.

"I have already told you I am too old for you, I was just trying to be friendly!" he spoke back at her carelessly.

There it was- the dagger in her heart.

He stopped laughing suddenly, and realized too late he had said the wrong thing.

"Tonks-" he tried, but it was to late. Her eyes were glossy with tears, the liveliness of her arguing drained away till she was once again the numb, a ghost, like the woman he had seen the night before.

"You're right..." she began suddenly. His heart stopped. "I thank God you're thirteen years older than me- imagine if I was forced to listen to thirteen more years of why it is impossible for you to be in love with me. If we had been the same age, you might have tole me the real reason."

Remus was speechless He didn't even know where to begin. She had never been more wrong in her life, and yet, was completely convinced that she had never been more right. He sank before he spoke.

"I can't..."

"I know. You don't always have to rub it in."

With one last watery glare, she shook her head. He watched her walk away from him yet again, a scene that was sadly all too familiar. He would have given anything just for once to have not seen the back of her.

Tonks didn't bother to look behind her. She knew too well he wouldn't follow after her, and that she'd be left alone to mend the pieces of her yet again broken heart. She walked toward the school with a heavy sigh trying desperately not to think. How could she think... There were many more important things to be concerned about- things like the Order, and Dumbledore's plans, and the safety of the boy who lived...

What would Sirius do...

Remus left Molly a few hours after his encounter with Tonks. He leaned against his cane, walking more slowly than usual. He decided it was better to walk short distances rather than apparating everywhere: his concentration was, after all, not where it needed to be to perform such magic correctly. He scoffed a little at the young woman- the idea that she wanted to be with someone to weak to walk on his own to feet. He could not for the life of him figure out why. He'd tried his hardest not to bring up Tonks in front of Molly and Bill, but was even more surprised that neither of them had said anything to him about her either. He made his way up the beaten path that led to the small grimy house that was Grimmauld place. He shut his tired eyes and remembered number 12, making his way into the building once the coast was clear. Jumbled memories attacked him all at once, happy times of Tonks in his arms and Sirius barking with laughter. Letting himself inside, he made the length of the hall as gingerly as he could manage setting his cane on the wall beside him. The house was eerily quiet, the only noise coming from the scattering rats on the floors above. He decided to make his way to the kitchen and set the stove for a cup of tea.

Without any warning, Lupin fell desperately to his knees. His face was chalk white, his eyes wide and fearful. There In the middle of the floor lie Tonks' dead body, mangled and torn, as if some wild animal, some ferocious beast had ripped her apart with a force too horrible to imagine. His throat swelled to where he could not breathe, his body suddenly heavy as if the weight of the world had been thrust upon him. His shaky hand fumbled everywhere in his coat pocket for his wand, unable to control the muscles of his hands. All time seemed to stand still as the bloody mass on the ground became more and more real to him. Thick, wet blood drowned her face in a grisly puddle, tufts of her soft pink hair turned slowly black on the dirty ground beneath her, the bracelet he had given her broken in pieces on the ground, scattered about as carelessly and leaves on the pavement outside. His whole body began to shake and tremble, his lips parched and stinging. His mind was slipping, he no longer could search for his wand, for his grief was to real, and the fear in him too overwhelming- He was slipping, drowning into despair, when suddenly -

"Ridikkulus!" said a voice in alarm.

Tonks' body transformed into a small pile of bright pink and purple pygmy puffs, and then into a crackling puff of smoke. Remus whipped his head around quickly to see Bill standing there, his wand pointed directly at where Tonks' body used to be. He looked back to a light mist hovering over the once gruesome scene, and understood. His heart began beating quickly again, his body unsteady as Bill helped him to his feet.

"Good thing Mum sent me after you- you forgot your cloak at the house. You alright?" he asked Remus calmly. He was whiter than a sheet, as if he had been drained by a hoard of Dementors. Remus nodded his shaky head slightly, and tried to shake off the vision. His fearful eyes met Bill's sympathetic ones.

"T-thank you..." he muttered softly.

Bill released a heavy sigh as the two stood in silence a moment. Once Remus regained his composure and stopped shaking, he looked over again at Bill.

"I knew it was a boggart... but... usually it's just... the moon, you see" he offered quietly.

Bill looked at his tired old friend with pity and understanding in his eyes. Remus had never looked so shabby, the bags under his eyes big enough to carry the world. Lupin's cheeks were no longer round and full, but sallow and sunken in. His eyes were greatly defined by wrinkles befitting of a man ten years older than he actually was.

"It's all right Moony. Just the other day I saw something very similar, only with Fleur... Boggarts can be nasty when they pop out of nowhere. If it wasn't for mum I'm not sure what I'd have done... you gonna be alright?".

Lupin nodded in silence, staring still at the spot where Tonks' body had been moments before. Bill ruffed the back of his hair thoughtfully before speaking again.

"Anyway I just wanted to let you know. We heard that Tonks may be headed out of town for a bit"

"Where is she going?" Lupin asked quicker than he intended.

"Not sure exactly. I just know that she's not sure that she may not be back anytime too soon-"

"What do you mean she won't come back-?!"

"Remus relax, I'm sure it'll be fine! ... Besides she's a big girl she can handle herself. All I know is that Dumbledore was trying to find a undercover operative to investigate a situation and he mentioned that Tonks might be who he'd have to ask" he re-assured him.

Lupin sighed angrily and nodded. The last thing Remus wanted was for Tonks to disappear for a few weeks, especially when moments before he had seen her dead mangled body on the kitchen floor.

"I have to talk to Dumbledore" he added hurriedly.

Bill left a few minutes later, the vision of Tonks' mangled body still in Lupin's mind. He would find out where she was going and 'happen' to be there at the same time. He had to know. He couldn't let her go alone...

This time he was going to protect her.