Jealousy in the Key of C – Chapter 23
Disclaimer: Twilight and its characters belong to Stephanie Meyer
AN (1): To all of my readers, reviewers and friends I thank you, for your continued support.
AN (2): This is the last main chapter. An Epilogue will be posted soon.
AN (4): Please note that this chapter has been neither pre-read or beta'd, so all poor grammar is my own.
It took the trio five days to make their way back to New York City. It was an eye opening experience for Edward, while he had travelled with Eleazar and Carmen before this situation was unique to his other experiences. He had never had the parental love that they provided, even in his human life his parents, while loving and caring, were often aloof as was the norm at the time.
However the closer they got to home, Edward became 'twitchy'. Eleazar and Carmen watched him closely until it was clear he was past being able to articulate his feelings and concerns. Stopping suddenly, Eleazar grabbed Edward's arms firmly and forced the young vampire to look at him.
"Edward, we cannot go on like this. You need to talk to us, or…"
"You'll send me away?" Edward whispered his voice full of pain.
Eleazar groaned, pulling Edward into a tight embrace, "How are we going to get into that head of yours. For someone who receives every thought around you, you continue to struggle to understand that we love you unconditionally. There is nothing that you can tell us that would make us abandon you."
Eleazar pushed the youngster to arms-length, "I cannot have you concealing your thoughts and feelings for fear of imagined reprisal. I have shown you that I can influence your behaviour and once again assure you that I will should you place yourself or others in either physical or emotional danger."
He led Edward to a nearby wall and sat him down; Carmen sat on the other side. "Edward," said Eleazar. "I do not wish to force you to tell me whenever things are troubling you, but because I care for you, know that I will do so."
The three waited in silence. Edward looking down at his hands while Eleazar and Carmen watched him from the corner of their eyes. At one point they shared a glance and a sigh, maybe this was going to have to be done the hard way.
"No," Edward whispered. "I will try to not make you have to compel me. I am sorry, I have got used to keeping my thoughts to myself."
Edward stood, then collapsed to his knees, "I'm scared, I'm terrified, I feel…"
"Feel what? Sweetheart," Carmen asked.
"That's the problem, I don't know; if you feel everything does that cancel out to feeling nothing? I think I have not be punished enough for what I did, to William and his mother, I think I should be angry at Carlisle, I think I should not be desperate to see him, feel him. I think I should go to Italy, serve Aro, maybe then I will be able to serve my time and feel like I…"
Eleazar decided that he had allowed Edward to ramble enough, standing he picked the youngster to his feet, brushing the dirt from Edwards trousers. "See that wasn't so hard, was it?" Edward looked at his leader with a perplexed gazed.
"Edward," Eleazar explained. "We don't have the answers to most of your questions, but what is important is that we know what they are. We cannot help you with your thoughts, feelings, fears or longings if you don't let us know that they are there. I promise we will get to the answers, but for now give yourself permission to just verbalise everything you have held inside."
Smiling he walked to Eleazar, head bowed, "Thank you, my leader." Eleazar nodded with formality and replied, "You are most welcome child." Nothing more needed to be said; the three head home.
Upon their return to the New York apartment, Edward was amazed at the changes to the building and was excited to have his own space. He decided in his own mind that once he and Carlisle were together again as they should be (this was never a doubt in Edwards mind) he would ensure that he had space of his own, much like Carlisle had always had his study.
Edward and Carlisle were tightly supervised and both enjoyed and resented the restrictions in their own ways. While they were not to be together unsupervised, after a couple of months they were trusted to be in separate, non-connecting parts of the apartment while Eleazar and Carmen were out.
It was during one of these times that things changed. Carlisle had had to be reprimanded a number of times for not controlling his thoughts and one day it finally come to a head. This particular morning he had a disagreement with Eleazar regarding Carlisle being able to join Edward and his chaperone hunting. Eleazar had refused point blank knowing full well the effect that hunting can have on mates (even those as divorced as Edward and Carlisle). After the elder vampire left, Carlisle's frustration and pettiness with Eleazar caused him to reign a torrent of mental abuse towards Edward; before leaving in horror and self-disgust.
Upon her return to the apartment, Carmen discovered Edward in foetal position, his hands rigidly clamped over his ears, and it was only with the arrival of Eleazar four hours later were they able to bring the youngster to a semblance of sensibility.
When Carlisle had the courage to crawl back to the apartment he found Eleazar with a packed bag of Carlisle's belongings, informing Carlisle that he was to stay away for a couple of years to allow Edward to build up his tolerances.
Carlisle dropped his head and sobbed, "I didn't mean it, and truly I was just frustrated."
Eleazar wrapped an arm around his friend, "I know that you didn't Carlisle, but you cannot be around Edward while he is trying to recover and you are learning self-control. I have spoken to Aro and he agrees that neither New York nor Volterra are the best places for you. We agree that you visit Garrett and the sisters up in Denali. They will help you with some of your frustration and loss."
Carlisle knew that Eleazar was right.
The sisters had helped the hot headed Garrett to find his calm and deeply introspective side. Of course this was helped by them having a link to Eleazar and Carmen themselves. The history of the girls and the immortal children had required them to be allocated a coven to 'monitor' them, and much like with Edward they had been embraced by Eleazar as one of his, although the relationship between Eleazar, Carmen and the rest of the Denali coven now was one of close family, rather than coven leader and members.
Eleazar watched as Carlisle worked through this proposal in his mind and then eventually nodding in agreement.
"I don't suppose I have the right to say goodbye to Edward," he was surprised by movement in the shadows as Edward stepped out into the hall.
How had he learned to do that? Carlisle wondered. Edward flinched at the wayward thought, but still slid silently up to Carlisle and wrapped his arms around him. The youngster was shaking violently.
Carlisle returned the embrace, murmuring into the others ear, "I am so sorry, love." There was not much else he could say, no promises he could make to make things better.
"I know," Edward whispered, "I am sorry too. I don't want you to go, I just need…" Edward's voice trailed off.
Carlisle knew what Edward was trying to say, they were purposefully exiling themselves from each other and the gods knew the thought hurt more than the fire of turning, but they had to do it, for themselves as individuals and the couple they wanted to be in the future.
Carlisle let go of the clinging Edward and walked away, his heart ripping apart at the sounds of Edwards sobbing as he was held by Eleazar.
~*.*~
1945 saw the end of the World War, but created another within Edward. The rising tension in the thoughts of those around him came to a boiling point, world events and eventual war end ricocheted through every mind. This was heightened by those who returned from service, the traumatic and gruesome thoughts they brought home with them they inadvertently shared with the mind reader.
Later Eleazar surmised that Edwards still recovering mind was not able to filter out such thoughts from passers-by. Carmen and Eleazar had noted a gentle withdrawal by Edward and chalked it up to the fact that they had not heard from Carlisle recently as he was busy at one of the hospitals for liberated prisoners. He had relocated from one of the field hospitals once the internment camps had been vacated and it became horrifically clear that the souls would need extensive medical care.
Eleazar had sent a telegram to Carlisle's last known address asking that the other make contact with Edward. Unfortunately the message appeared to be taking some time to reach Carlisle and no response was forthcoming.
The situation came to ahead one pleasant evening when Eleazar and Carmen decided to take in a show; Edward declined begging off to play his piano instead. Hours later the couple returned home to a disaster.
While their rooms have been spared, every stick of furniture, drape, carpet, window dressings and glass in both his and Carlisle's rooms had been destroyed. Eleazar was surprised to note that the objects that were dear to both Carlisle and Edward had not been attacked however the bag in which Edward kept his trophies from Oberlin was not in its proper place.
The couple searched quickly unable to confirm if their child was still in the apartments. A slight rustling and growling caught Eleazar's attention and he carefully followed the sound to the doorway in Carlisle's rooms to the hidden stairwell.
Opening the door he was taken aback by the sight of Edward curled in a foetal position great self-inflicted wounds on his face, neck and arms. Around him were the Oberlin trophies, or what was left of them, after he had torn, ripped and smashed the objects to pieces. While Eleazar had already been concerned about Edward having such objects, he was more concerned with such savage destruction.
His slight movement alerted Edward to his presence, the young vampire giving a growl from the back of his throat. This was not a warning, it was a statement of fact; you are going to get hurt.
Eleazar took a step back, pushing Carmen behind him. This was not angry Edward, nor upset Edward; Eleazar had seen this behaviour before – when Edward was a newborn.
"Edward, I can help quiet the voices. Come with me and I will take you to a peaceful place." With what Eleazar knew of Edward's talent he could deduce the source of Edwards breakdown and what might relieve it.
To his parents intense relief Edward uncurled, raising his head he mumbled, "You can make it quiet?" in a hesitate awe.
"We can go to a place where the only minds around will be us three…"
"and Carlisle?" Edward interrupted in desperate hope.
Eleazar's heart broke a little; the young one clearly and desperately needed his mate, even if the relationship was still in transience.
"I will find him and bring him to you" Eleazar promised. With that the tension left Edward's body and he allowed himself be stood up. In the time that it took for Eleazar to escort Edward to the car, Carmen packed a few belongings, leaving notes for their caretaker staff, and met the pair at the car.
They had not reached the docks before Edward became unresponsive. He was able to be led and followed basic directions, there was however no expression, emotion or reaction. He was sleep walking with his eyes open, the rest of his awareness had shut down.
Eleazar sent a message to his agent to urgently find Dr Carlisle Cullen and deliver him to the Artic safe house, before launching his speed boat heading north. At a loss as what to do for him, Carmen sat holding Edward close to her. It was only then that she heard the muttering. Edward was speaking under his breath with no indication that he was aware of his action.
Carmen made Eleazar stop and try to get some reaction from Edward. Eleazar's attempts only made Edward go quiet however Eleazar's order to relax seemed to ease the young vampire who folded up in his chair, placing his head on Carmen's lap.
While concerned with Edward's behaviour Eleazar was relieved that he still had basic control over a comatose mind reader.
The artic safe house was at the end of nowhere, a basic, but still comfortable dwelling in the middle of the frozen wasteland. It met their needs, the animals around were varied and were in enough supply for them as their bodily needs slowed with the drop in temperature.
The three settled into their home, well Eleazar and Carmen settled themselves as best that they could. Edward was as if made of clockwork, he would react and interact when pressed and engaged by the others, however the moment their attention shifted to something else he would just stop, immersing himself back into the black hole of his mind.
The more Eleazar observed Edward, the more he felt he understood Edward's talent, including the events of his first disappearance a year after he was turned when he returned to a feral state. Eleazar was also able to glean an understanding of the progression of his current episode.
His child was unstable and may remain so forever.
Eleazar had a sinking feeling that calm, happy and productive Edward was actually the exception rather than the rule for the mind reader. With all of the walls and bars Edward established within his mind he was able to build a dam against the tide.
The nature of Edward's condition (Eleazar refused to see it as a talent) meant it was inevitable that the constant bombardment intrusions would wash away all structures and controls, including those that 'vegetarian' vampires erected to withstand the need for human blood.
The extreme variation in Edwards symptoms, from comatose to psychopathic and everything in between, could not be explained solely by Eleazar's theory, however he accepted that the scale of the events were the key contributing factor in the magnitude of Edwards breakdown.
~*.*~
Carmen, Edward and Eleazar had been running through the wilderness, to ensure that they maintained control of the young vampire Edward was firmly held by the hand by the others.
Without warning, Edward stopped shaking his hands from their grip. Standing still he turned his blank face to and fro as if trying to hear something. Stretching his scenes Eleazar captured the scent at the same time that Edwards blank visage, went to one of cruel amusement, an evil glint in his eye he licked his lips as if savouring the thoughts of the human ahead.
His leap towards the human was hindered by Eleazar and Carmen both shocked at the strength it took to restrain the compliant vampire of a few seconds before.
There was no crying or whimpering or growling from Edward just a determination to move forward. Dragging their child away from temptation Eleazar and Carmen moved him miles away from the site.
When they finally let him go Edward dropped to the ground, sitting calmly, looking at his hands.
"Edward?" Eleazar started, but stopped in surprise when the youngster looked up with a childish pout, declaring "You made it go away, all I wanted to do was play with it. They are so much fun. He won't be happy you let it get away, you are stopping his fun."
Eleazar felt an impossible chill down his spine, "Who is he, Edward?"
Edward looked up the childish face looking at Eleazar as if he was stupid, "He is me of course, well we are all him. Or is he just all of us," the pathetic face dropped into his hands, "Or are we no one. If a man is the sum of his parts, what happens if those parts belong to others?"
At this Edward gave a wail of such pain and loss, "Carlisle, please find me." He toppled forward into his parents arms.
Eleazar focussed furiously on the nature of the mind reading. Aro was keen for Eleazar's research to progress. It was Aro's private option that mind readers were the pinnacle of the gifted, destined to rule – the challenges of Edwards talent only made Aro more convinced, that only with true struggle comes true power and authority.
Eleazar had not filled in Aro on the strange duality that Edward seemed to be suffering from, he was not willing to discuss this until he actually understood the nature of the separation of self and whether it was a threat to Edward or a form of self-protection.
Building on his notes Eleazar managed to bring together all they had found or surmised on memory storage and the implications on a mind reader. Eleazar had a productive conversation with Aro's geneticist Wilhelm as they talked about the evolution of the human to vampire brain and the way in which the neurons and synapses folded into highly complex structures beyond that of a normal human brain.
But in the end they had to simply watch, wait and hope that Edward would recover.
~*.*~
It took two years for Eleazar's agents to track Carlisle and then another year to deliver him to Edward. During this time the young vampire had sunk further into his walking sleep, with what Eleazar and Carmen grew to consider divergent personalities appearing every now and then in reaction to certain stimuli.
Eleazar and Carmen had not seen the evil sadistic personality since the initial event. They concluded that it was the personification of Edward's demon entity that existed in every vampire, some deeper than others, and not some sort of malevolent entity within Edwards civilised persona.
Even in this state Edward continued to follow instructions and commands, but showed not a single sign of conscious independent thought. Eleazar got the impression that Edward's mind was in a sort of downtime waiting for something to revive it.
One bitterly cold morning Eleazar looked outside, he was not looking forward to the fortnightly struggle of getting Edward to feed. It was often at these times that individual persona's would appear. There was one specifically trying persona who, while not actively defiant, would cling to Carmen like a newborn needing to be coaxed and hand fed.
Eleazar felt movement beside him and turned with a sigh preparing to face whatever part of Edward had emerged, and paused. Edward had stood and was appearing to scent out, twisting this way and that as if his head was an aerial swivelling on his neck.
He took two steps outside, his entire body vibrating. It reminded Eleazar of a house pet excited at the return of its master and then realised what was happing.
"Edward, is it Carlisle?" Edward turned his head in response and gave a pleading whine from the back of his throat.
Eleazar smiled and nodded, "It's OK! Go to him."
Edward did not need to be told twice; he raced out the doorway and bounded to his mate, throwing himself into Carlisles arms.
~*.*~
Things were a little strained at first, Edward's slow recuperation resulted in Carlisle feeling that he was more of a nursemaid than a mate. Apart from the overwhelming reaction when he first arrived Edward showed little sign of emotion and resisted any physical contact with anyone other than Carmen.
Eleazar kept Carlisle grounded during this time, making it clear that it was Edward himself who mid episode, when he barely knew who he was or where he was, begged for Carlisle's return.
Armed with this knowledge Carlisle was much more confident and took on his role as carer.
Carlisle was rewarded for his patience one morning when Edward unexpectedly turned and with a gentle smile placed a chaste kiss on his cheek.
"I love you," he breathed; his voice a husky from lack of use, but filled with depth of feeling.
Smiling wider at Carlisle's shocked expression the young vampire laid his head on his mates shoulder and sighed as his body relaxed against Carlisle.