A.N: I can't get all of your personalities right, so I just made you all stereotypical homicidal fangirls (I dunno what gender you guys are either, sorry.) Please note that your names are in italics.

PINEFRESH65 POV

It was half past seven pm.

I stood atop a shipping crate, addressing a group of homicidal fangirls who, in a few minutes, were going to wipe Dylan off the face of the Earth. We were standing in a clearing near a road waiting for Dylan. I just had to get the mob's attention.

"CEASE YOUR FLATULENT WINDS AND HEAR MY MIND-NUMBING EXPULSIONS OF WICKED NOISE!" I shouted at the crowd. They all stopped talking and stared at me. "Good. Now that I have your attention, there are just a few announcements I would like to make." I continued, twirling my herring around in my hands absent-mindedly while staring at the mob of around 23.

"Tonight, Dylan Ride is going down! Tonight, he will die. Sadly, not all of you can have the privilege of finishing him off, that job goes to Cody and Dylansux." I pointed my herring at them as I said their names. "HOWEVER! All of you can maim, gore or badly hurt him. So no kill shots, and Max Jacksn Cahil, your weapon, a laser gun. Is the only one I have changed. Instead of being able to cut him in half like a regular laser gun, yours will be mainly for pointing purposes. But it IS pretty bright to stare at."

"Going on…We have received intelligence from the purple stalkers.." I pointed my herring at two purple human-shaped silhouettes at the back of the mob. "That Dylan goes to this little nail salon here every night, so he should be out in about…" I looked at my watch "Two minutes! Positions, people!"

We all mobbed into a vaguely mob-shaped mob and proceeded to stare like exorcised ghosts at the door to the salon, hiding behind a few bushes. Two minutes later, Dylan came out with French-tipped nails. "!" I screamed, jumping out from behind the mosquito-infested bush, brandishing my herring like a sword. Dylan turned around to face my general direction.

"Wh-" Dylan started, but as soon as he turned around, Max Jacksn Cahil shot him directly in the eye with a laser. Dylan screamed in pain and collapsed onto the footpath, rolling around with his hands covering his eyes. Ignoring the mob walking towards him.

"Oooh, retina burn. Nice shot!" I hi-fived Max Jacksn.

"Hey, Pine?" asked The Codebreaker. "Is he gonna be blind or dead now, 'cos I kinda wanted to do that…"

"Temporarily blind, not dead." I replied. "Now! MASSACRE HIM!" I was answered by a chorus of cheers.

Fnick's Witness clubbed him over the back of the head with Perry the platypus, then suddenly it was just a big blur of kicking, chainsawing and screaming.

Eventually we realised that he had somehow replaced himself with Justin Bieber and was running down the street (Sorry to any JB fans in the mob.) "SCOOGE! TAHITI! Finish him off, we'll take care of Dylan." I ordered. Scooge pulled a crossaint out of her pocket and edged towards Bieber, while the rest of us tore after Dylan.

Narutard-Akatard-Lolfreak-C threw Kunai at him, one grazed the back of his knee, causing him to yelp and stumble a bit, but he kept running. Then he folded out his wings and flew. He got about five metres up, out of our reach, and started making rude gestures and mocking us.

When suddenly Vinylprincessof1986 burst onto the scene with her demonic cocker spaniel (named Bubbles) She grinned evilly, the effect even creepier with her purple eyes glowing in the streetlights, Dylan looked like he was about to pee himself in fear, then he really did pee himself in fear. The demonic Cocker Spaniel (Named Bubbles) jumped at an unnatural height, bit Dylan's backside and held on. Five metres in the air.

"Wooooow…" I said, staring at the demonic Cocker Spaniel (Named Bubbles) in amazement.

"Yeah… Woooow…" copied a few in the mob.

"I don't think that's gonna bring him down, though… Hey, you should call that dog 'Buttmuncher'" Commented Strawberry, another that I forced to join.

"HIS NAME IS BUBBLES, BIATCH!" Vinylprincess yelled at her, Bubbles jumped down and started skeletonising Strawberry.

I sighed, "FLASH! ASSISTANCE PLEASE?" I yelled. FlashOutOfTheSky came forward, raised a hand at Dylan, then shot a fireball at him. Dylan came down like a flaming fat… thingy. Then Flash's Hellhound came and bit one of Dylan's wings off, the other one was taken care of by a certain Demonic Cocker spaniel (named Bubbles.) Dylan shrieked in pain. We left the hellhound and Demonic Cocker Spaniel (Named Bubbles) to chew on the wings (and the remains of Strawberry), their owners staying with them.

Dylan had run off again, but it was easy to tell where he was headed because he left a trail of blood behind him. And he was screaming pretty loudly.

He was going to Max for help.

Pathetic…

We followed the screaming until we found the flock's house, a two storey ex-holiday-rental home, Dylan obviously didn't note that it had a sliding door as he was screaming and banging and clawing his French tipped nails down it. We snuck up behind him, Narutard-Akatard-Lolfreak-C- Swung a scythe aimed at the neck of the repulsive creature. He turned around and managed to duck in time, but the scythe cut off half of the hair on the top of his head, he now had a massive bald patch. Everyone in the mob laughed and hi-fived Narutard while Dylan was kneeling on the yellow brick floor, whimpering and stroking the hair, whispering something like- "Shh… it's ok, mommy's here, mommy still loves you."

"HEY! GUYS! WHAT'S GOING ON DOWN THERE?" We looked up, seeing Angel's blonde head poking out of the second floor window.

"WE'RE KILLING DYLAN! WANNA HELP?" Ivyheart yelled back.

"HECK YEAH!" We all heard Iggy yell from somewhere inside the house. Moments later, the entire flock had joined the mob, well… Max, Fang, Iggy, Gazzy and Angel were kicking him, Total peed on his face and Nudge and Angel were giving everyone in the mob cookies. Including the several demonic pets and AngelandTonks' minion army.

Mmm… cookies.

"C-can I have a cookie?" Dylan asked, barely able to breathe in his current state.

"NO, NOW GET MY NASONEX YOU SWINE!" Max pointed at him.

"Y-yes my preciousss beautiful *cough* Maxxxyyy…3" Dylan rasped, coughing blood and crawling into the house to get Max's Nasonex.

"Less than 3? Is that some kinda alien language?" I wondered aloud. "Oh, it's a heart…!" I said, finally getting it.

Dylan came outside again, Nasonex in hand. He passed it to Max, who took it and sprayed it in his eyes. "Aaaaugghh!"

"Hey, wait…how did you find the nasonex if you have retina burn?" Trouble4eva asked Dylan.

"Don't you remember? He has mystical magical saliva that can heal him and stuff!" Fnick's Witness replied.

"Did you lick your eyeballs?" Ivyheart asked Dylan.

"Eww!" Half of the mob looked at him in disgust.

"You're gonna get conjunctivitis if that's how you spell it"

"Well, he can't heal his eyes or get conjunctivitis if he has no eyeballs!" Trouble4eva said, unsheathing a toothbrush and edging towards Dylan.

"My good friend, your logic astounds me, it's the only perfect solution!" I patted Trouble4eva on the back. "By the way, why did you make a sheath for your toothbrush?" I raised an eyebrow at my toothbrush-wielding friend.

Not answering, Trouble4eva walked casually up to Dylan's whimpering form, accompanied by Wingedwolf1, who held a Band-Aid.

The entire mob and flock (except for Trouble4eva and Wingedwolf1) sat inside the house, eating cookies and watching the two mob members outside gouge Dylan's eyes out.

"So, guys." We heard Max say from the kitchen. "…What kind of tea do you guys want?"

"Umm… there's more than one kind?" Ivyheart looked at Max questioningly.

"Yeah, we have: blueberry, raspberry, ginseng, sleepytime, green tea, green tea with lemon, green tea with lemon and honey, liver disaster, ginger with honey, ginger without honey, vanilla almond, white truffle coconut, chamomile, blueberry chamomile, decaf vanilla walnut, constant comment and earl grey."*

She looked back at our confused faces.

"I'll have earl grey!" Angel piped from her place on one of the couches.

"Ginger with honey, thanks." Iggy ordered.

"Can I try constant comment, Max?" Gazzy asked.

In the end, about half of the mob chose constant comment, sleepytime or liver disaster. I didn't know that the flock owned 30 tea cups. (Just estimating the number) Eventually we all had our tea, and unfortunately, the people who ordered Constant comment were commenting on EVERYTHING. CONSTANTLY.

"I like the colour you chose for the ceiling, Max, it's nice and… white…"

"I like your hair today, Max!"

"The air conditioner is on just the right setting, it is perfect in here."

"Ah, look at all the blood outside, why can't I join in?"

"Wow, the cushions are really square, I like triangles better, but I guess you can't get triangular cushions."

"Ah, ya gotta love oxygen, I mean… you can breathe it in… and out… in… and out…"

The people who ordered Sleepytime were lying on the floor, sleeping and generally getting in the way. The people who ordered liver disaster, well... they were rolling on the floor, clutching their stomachs and screaming in pain. Luckily enough, I chose decaf vanilla walnut and stole the cookies of everyone who got liver disaster or sleepytime. Hehehe…

Trouble4eva and wingedwolf1 walked in through the back door, covered in blood and eye goo. "Hey, guys! What… on Earth happened here?" Wingedwolf1 gestured towards Cody, Who had… the unfortunate soul, chosen liver disaster.

"Some have a rather… peculiar taste in tea…" I glanced at the Shrieking figures on the floor.

About half an hour later…

"So… he's kinda given up hope eh?" we all looked down at Dylan, lying on the floor. He was twitching and rasping for breath. "So… Dylansux, I believe this is your time to shine?" I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow at my fellow mob member. "If you don't do it soon, he's gonna run out of magical saliva and die…"

"Mkay…" Dylansux unsheathed a marshmallow and raised it above Dylan, who looked up at us with pleading, but at the same time hopeless eyes. Dylansux brought the marshmallow down, full force.

Dylan exploded on impact, the mob was sprayed with fragments of Dylan. Lovely…

"So, guys… umm… if you didn't really get a role in this chapter, I'll meet you again at the end of this fanfic. Okies?"

*Scott Pilgrim vs. the world refrence!