Chapter 25: Fronds and Anemones

He's sleeping so peacefully, so unaware that life for him was a breath away for being over. This person, surrounded by light and promise, this person who's apart of you almost stopped breathing but what does he know in his peaceful sleep? and you? You didn't sleep at all. When you woke up and saw Gamzee standing there, your initial reaction was fear, fear for you life, fear for your friend because you realized then how out of hand things had become. But the longer you watched Gamzee the more you began to understand him. There was once a time when love made you crazy too, you blackmailed Tavros into staying by your side for that very reason, because people kept walking into your life but no one was staying in

You did not see a monster or a bad person standing over your bed last night, you saw someone desperate, desperate for love and understanding who didn't like to be alone anymore than you. All in all you know he made bad choices and surely waking up to see a gun is more of a bad dream than a life lesson but it made you understand exactly what Tavros had said when he came to you last night; that you can't decide for yourself who you love, you just do

The both of you talked about how you really love each other and because of how much you do you both agreed that don't need to be in a relationship to be in each others lives. He isn't going anywhere, you aren't either, and somehow that's all you really needed to know; that was the point of all of this. Once you saw the way Gamzee looked at him you knew that there are just some things that aren't meant to be tampered with and boy had you been tampering

By some design in nature these people are two parts, if you open either one of them up you will only find half the organs, half the bones, the heartbeats, half of everything because they were made as a counterpart to each other. You found someone who was a part of a set and thought you could have one of them in your life without the other, that will be the mistake of anyone who tries to be with just Gamzee or just Tavros it won't work. These pieces that fit together no matter how many times they fall apart are permanent and you're sure you fit somewhere in there with Tavros too but not in the same way and you're starting to be okay with that

This all started because you were lonely, you were a lonely person living a seemingly perfect life. You didn't have someone to call your own, someone to ask you how you feel about things and what you think; someone to laugh with, someone to fight for. You thought you needed Tavros to be in love with you for him to stay in your life because you didn't think friends we're constant entities that always stuck around whether they found some new love interest or not because that's what past friends of yours were like

Now you have this unconditional love that's glowing around you and through you, you don't know anything that feels better than this. The certainty that you won't lose someone is a powerful thing. In more ways than one you grew up on this trip; you thought having sex with your friend would solve everything but doing it helped you both realize it, you challenged a man in love to a game of hearts and nearly got a bullet put through yours because of it. You have grown, you've learned the meaning of love now and it isn't about giving them up, it isn't letting them go its accepting the fact that sometimes there's someone out there better for them than you and if you despite your love still want them to find that person then you have arrived. You've arrived at adulthood, no more kid gloves for you

Today you hold these truths to be self evident as the sun comes up and rays of light play peek a boo on the soft and innocent skin of someone you love, you hold this love to be substantial and true forever. You've waken up on the other side now, it's no longer a macho man tug of war with someones heart, this is no longer a game. Your friend needs you to protect him now, you have to put all your feelings and infatuations with him aside because even though you think he and Gamzee belong together the fact of the matter is this guy put a gun to the head of your friend and you can't let that go unanswered for

You stand and pull the covers back over Tavros and kiss his mop of brown curls before walking out of the door. When you lock it behind you and turn around Karkat is standing in the middle of the hallway in a long sleeved shirt and his boxers

"I was coming to talk to you. Do you have a minute?" You nod and follow him down to the indoor pool where you went the first night you came here, because at this early in the morning it's empty.

He sits with his feet in the water smoking and staring into the water, he's not usually this quiet and it makes you nervous so you just stare into space too.

"The more and more I do this, the older I feel you know? I was once a separate person from Gamzee believe it or not, I went places by myself, I made meals for one and got myself dressed in the morning without someone else's reflection in the mirror next to mine. And it was fucking brilliant, and lonely all at the same time. I was, walking home from school one day and I didn't want to go home because I was always there alone for hours so I sat by this lake about a mile from my house messing around when I dropped my Crash Bandicoot action figure in the water. My friend from school had given it to me, and I would of felt so bad if I had to tell him I lost it so I tried to fish it out using this stick, I was so sure I would get it you know? And just like that I fell in."

You watch him closely, the look in his eyes tells you he's miles away from where you're sitting.

"I can honestly say that everything I knew about not panicking went to shit because before I knew it I was underwater and there was no one around and no one knew where I was so who would find me? I started drowning, I thought I was done for and then someone grabbed me by my hair and pulled me up out of the water and onto the bank."

"Ouch." You wince.

"You bet your fucking ass ouch, as soon as I was able to breathe again I started screaming my head off at this kid, this tall skinny kid in torn up clothes who was smiling at me in the goofiest way but no matter how much I yelled his smile never went away. It shocked me, I stopped yelling and then he hugged me. Just like that, hugging a total stranger, it was the first hug I'd ever let anyone give me. Gamzee saved my life and the first thing I did was yell at him, I decided then that for that reason I would always be there for him no matter what he needed. I didn't know he would unknowingly hold me to it."

You understand now why their friendship is so close, you almost never see them apart and this is why.

"Gamz didn't have anywhere safe to go, too many fucked up problems at home, eventually when we were older he came to live with me and just like that, I was my brother's keeper. He's had his problems, and I always had to get him out of them. Then there was Tavros, and I thought finally someone to take care of him; I was a little naïve."

"Why do you think that?" He looks at you finally.

"Because, when I saw them together I saw something change in Gamzee, he was happier and wanted to do things more. It was like someone turned on a switch in him, and then you came along and my friend was in dark days."

You lower your head a bit, you never thought about how everything you did effected everyone in a way, not just Tavros.

"I'm a thousand percent sure that you probably want to kill Gamzee right now, I know I do. Because he's the master of self sabotage, I should know, I am too. That night when Feferi pulled me into the water I knew I would be okay because Gamzee was gonna come and get me out again just like he did before. But after a moment he didn't come, and you did. I thought, where was his head? And then I knew it was with Tavros. I was a little bit jealous, and that's why I threatened you once I thought Tavros was going to break his heart over you and I was wrong, I'm sorry." He looks away again, sorry is a rarity with him you can tell so you'll hold onto it

"But when he didn't come for me, I realized we aren't kids anymore. We're not Karkat and Gamzee anymore, he's Gamzee and Tavros, a little fucked up unit that no one understands but those two you know?" You nod a little. He had realized it too, that you and him are the best friends ready to throw yourselves on the line for those two no matter what it costs you because that's the role you were meant to play nothing is a coincidence, nothing is a mistake

"Yeah, we were trying to fit in where we don't belong any more. Sure they'll always be our fronds but we have to take up a smaller place in their hearts and let them make mistakes or we'll end up resenting them and becoming anemones." You remember the saying your father once said.

He looks at you and narrows his gaze

"You honestly had me until the fucking fish joke Ampora, really that was so stupid. Do people other than Feferi actually find that shit funny?"

You can't help but laugh then and shrug, it was worth a shot.

"Anyway, I think I know what you're trying to say and I agree. I mean I'm not going to ask you not to tell Tavros, or not tell the police, its up to you. I just think you should talk to Gamzee first, he's in my room. If you don't want to I get it."

This is not a plea from someone who just wants to cover their ass or their friends, this is a plea from a friend, your friend.

You nod and soon you find yourself in front of Karkat's door. You knock before walking inside trying to look as if you're not shaken

Gamzee is sitting on the window seat staring out, his mess of stringy black hair combed back neatly for once, or...neat by his standards.

You look around for any sign of the gun, and not seeing it you make your way over to him. He looks up at you once then back out of the window in a trance

"Gamzee." You nod and he pulls his knees to his chest so you can sit down.

You're not sure where to begin, or how to tell someone that you're sorry for tampering with their love life, while still decidedly angry that they tried unsuccessfully to kill you.

"It wasn't me you know? That guy who came in the room with the...you know. The guy you saw last night, it wasn't me. I mean it was, it's just it was like for a moment I was watching myself do a bad thing and couldn't stop it until I heard what you said. That's what all those fights with Tavros felt like too; watching myself do something wrong and never being able to change the outcome. I'm okay with you calling the police, I'll tell them what I did. You're a good person Eridan, you help people and don't go around trying to hurt people. Tavros needs somebody like that, not a fool like me." He picks at the bandages on his arms, he can't look up at you and you can't look at him yet.

"I know it wasn't you, otherwise you'd have done it. It's just he's the only person I've never loved this much other than my own parents, he's wonderful and sometimes horrible all at the same time. He makes you feel like you can do anything, be anything and when he's gone it does your head in."

You look over at him finally and he's nodding.

"And I'm not a completely good person, I made mistakes with him too. I tried to take him away from you because he's my friend and I thought you were going to keep us apart. So I played games with his heart and he took the brunt of it from you. I'm not saying I trust you with him, I really don't, how could I? But I also know that he needs you and I can tell you're sorry. No one does a thing like that who isn't sorry, you just got a bit locked on, we all do sometimes."

"I won't ever hurt him again Eridan, he hits me and he hurts me, and we fight but that's my motherfucking guy, my heart. He's all I up an got, that's my greatest achievement so far is being this, thing with him. I should strive for more I know, I'm just not there yet."

"I know, I thought he was mine too. Tavros, is the love of my life, but not in the same way he is yours. I've got to do what I have to do to keep him from ever waking up with a gun to his head though, you do understand that don't you?" You stand and start walking towards the door.

He sighs and nods solemnly before standing and walking over to the phone.

"Should you call or should I?" He holds the phone out to you, you have to make a decision Eridan. You have to do something for your friend, something that doesn't have an ulterior motive, something selfless that's not for anything but the best interest of Tavros.

You grab the phone from him and pause with your fingers over the buttons, ready to dial the police, he waits patiently and pulls on his shoes ready to go. He's serious, he's willing to give it all up and accept responsibility for what he did, but is it enough? You hang the phone up slowly and walk over and put your hand on his shoulder

"My father always says that giving someone a second chance is something better than any gift, better than anything. I've never given it to anyone before, so don't make me regret this."

He stares at you for a minute trying to decide if you're serious, and even though you don't feel that good about it you know it's not for you to be the decider of fates here, you've got to step back and let things happen the way they are supposed to.

You hold out your hand to him "Truce, you're a worthy opponent or as Dave might say; you're the winner it is you." You joke and he looks down at your hand before grabbing you into a hug. You're reluctant at first but hug him back. You can understand how Karkat spent over ten years of his life taking care of someone like him, there's a genuineness there that took you awhile to see

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"Are you sure you want to do this? It could be pretty bad." You put your hand on his shoulder as you stand in front of your hotel room.

He exhales deeply and nods.

"I have to tell him even if he hates me for it in the end, I have to do right by him for once." that's the most mature thing you thing you've ever heard him say. You take a step back and let him inside, you watch from the doorway as he walks over slowly to where Tavros is laying.

You see Tavros's head pop up from the covers and then settle back down once he see's who it is.

"Good morning, what's going on?"

Gamzee sits down on the bed next to him and folds his hands in his lap.

"I've got to tell you something," he sighs deeply. "last night I..."

You close the door and take a deep breath, you don't know how this is all going to turn out or even if this was the right thing to do, but whatever happens you'll be there for him.