25

How It Actually Was

1996

And – she couldn't believe it – she was free! She put her little bag into the sidecar, got on her motorbike and drove away from St. Mungo's Hospital. Just before she left London for good, she withdrew a considerable amount of money from her Gringott account and exchanged it for pounds. It was a sunny late June morning. She stopped just once more, went to a Muggle department store and bought few colourful T-shirts, a pair of jeans and sneakers (those had a star at the sides and Sinéad liked them very much), a leather jacket, a bag, a sleeping bag, a simple fabric tent, a pot and a spoon. That was all she needed. No one of the Order knew where she was going. She didn't tell anyone, not even Agatha. Dumbledore gave her a false Muggle passport and ID, she looked at them to see what her new name now was.

Helen Rosch.

Sinéad put a stream of her long red hair behind her ear and tried to feel like Helen Rosch. It didn't help much. She still felt alienated, and strange, and deprived of everything. Why am I running away? She asked herself. To forget? No. I don't want to forget. To know what to do with my life? Perhaps. Why can't I return to my tribe? I wouldn't fit in anymore, she thought. I'm too spoiled by civilization. And they're too poor for me now. I like my flying bike, she thought, and the anonymity of the cities. Yes, she thought, that's what I want. To melt with the crowd. To cease to be myself with my own problems and to become someone else with someone else's problems. I'm not Sinéad Snape, nor Sinéad Uí Bríain now. I'm Helen Rosch. And how about my husband? Will I ever return to him? I don't know, she realised, but I'm not rejecting the option. I just want a break, she thought, yes. I need to get away from all this magical conflict. I need to be ordinary now. No good and evil. Just me.

So she drove through London, her small bag now stuffed with all the Muggle equipment she bought. But she felt a bit insecure. She didn't know how the Porkheads' world worked. What were the things you could go to prison for? How was she to find a place to live? She stepped on the gas and felt her hair flying behind her. She finally felt free again. She was driving from her problems, she was leaving them behind. Sirens sounded in the distance and were getting closer. Oh perfect, she thought, cops. But instead of stopping, she increased the speed. She was passing the cars rather like blotted spots now and she could hear the number of sirens increasing. She stepped on the gas once more, broke through the roadblocks which said "bridge under construction", rose into the air and vanished. The cars stopped at the edge of the broken bridge and the officers were gobsmacked, staring into the bright blue sky. She smirked. When you have nothing left, you have nothing to lose. There is a strange freedom in despair.

She was zigzagging through British cities for a few months, this was an opportunity to strengthen her self esteem and to get used to the Porkheads' way of life. She had to admit now that they were ingenious. Pretty dumb, still, but ingenious. Then she was travelling towards the south of Britain and alongside the coast, stopping occasionally, relaxing in the countryside, swimming, singing, plaing her violin, sleeping. This was the greatest medicine anyone could provide. She was happy. She did think about her life a lot, but her new assumed identity gave her the power of looking back from greater distance, it helped her cope with it. It was in Bath several days after she appeared there when a wealthy English family spotted her with her backpack and offered her a vacant place in their house as an au-pair for their children. All three of them, Steffie, Jade and Boomer Brookman were exemplary children, nice, lively and clever. Little Boomer was just turning half a year and his mother was a quite busy woman, so she left the infant for Sinéad to attend to. What a pain she felt when she realised that little Boomer was just the same age as her own son would have been! But no, she thought, I cannot think about that. She was taking the kids to school, to the park, to the swimming pool, to the cinema. This was when she first tasted all the fruit the modern Muggle civilization had to offer, and she was pretty amazed (although she doubted the cinema is an appropriate form of entertainment for such little children). However, Judy insisted. On the outside, she seemed as an exemplary mother, worrying about her little angels' safety and well being a good deal, on the other hand however, she spent such little time with them Sinéad doubted she actually knew their names. All that interested Judy was the Local Mothers propaganda: how to promote the lives of lonely domestic mothers. They held meetings and lectures and Sinéad was pretty sure that must have been a terrible organization, because none of its guidelines and advice actually made sense to her. Judy insisted that mothers must be given a greater allowance to be able to pursue their own interests and hobbies, and that babysitters had to be guaranteed by the state so that the mother enjoys the maternity holiday properly and so that she is willing to have more children. All this sounded absolutely Greek to Sinéad and sometimes, she was asking God why was he so mean as to not endow some people with a brain.

But overall, the family was nice to her. What Judy needed was just to set her children aside to be more able to write about good parenting and mother-promoting. She gave Sinéad money to take kids places, and they had a spare room in the house to be used by her. She even had her own ensuite bathroom in which she spent long hours relaxing in the tub when the children were asleep. And the father, Phil, wasn't much better than the mother, but he was away a good deal and when he was at home, he was shut in his office next to Sinéad's room, doing his job and studying his papers. He was a short balding man and a heavy smoker. The only one thing interesting about him was his strange, crooked smile, the type of smile where you weren't actually sure whether he was smiling or smirking: his teeth were covered by his thin lips and one corner was slightly higher than the other.

It was a cold autumn evening, probably half-a-year after she ran away from St. Mungo's, Sinéad began preparing for her evening routine as always. Her wounds were already healed but her period had yet to return, otherwise she was feeling fine. Empty, but fine. She brushed her hair and was just about to take her T-shirt off, when–

"Nice evening, eh?"

It was Phil, leaning nonchalantly at the doorframe and smiling his crooked smile, one mouth corner above the other, "how d'you spend your evenings anyway? You haven't had the opportunity to tell me."

"That's because there's nothing to tell," said she indifferently and slid her T-shirt back where it had been, "reading."

"All alone? No interesting guys to meet?" He closed the door behind him and continued to pretend his relaxed tone of conversation.

"No." Said she coldly. She didn't care what happened, as always.

"Look Helen," Phil strolled close to her and with his two fingers he picked the cigarette he held between his teeth in his mouth, "I'll put that simpler for you if you wish. I'm getting quite bored with Judy, going on about children, charity and Local Mothers' stuff! At least, she looks pretty, that's why it's still pleasing to look at her."

"I'd kill you for what you're saying if I were your wife Phil." She said coldly and folded her arms.

"That's just what I like about you, always highly logical and simple. No fuss. No stupid cake parties. No giggling, no gossiping. No high pitched babbling, no blouses, no department stores. Come on, Helen," he muttered and cornered her in her own bedroom, dangerously close to her generously large bed (did he do that in purpose?), "you can only benefit from your situation… I can make you happy, you can have whatever you want… Oh, come on, Helen…" He was murmuring and was bending closer and closer, obviously he reckoned she considered him as irresistable as he did consider her. But in fact, it was the opposite. Sinéad hated him. Hated his manners, his treating of his wife, even his revolting cigarette breath. But she knew better than to show her fear and disgust, she knew she would have been overpowered and raped straight away. Without missing a beat, without moving an inch although she desperately longed to scream and run away, she answered, with her empty voice and with her arms still folded:

"Why?"

He immediately stopped moving closer, popped his eyes out and said: "What why?"

"It must obviously be very disadvantageous. You've put so much work and money into this house and into getting Judy as your wife, why throw it all away?"

"I don't understand." He said, still astonished, straightening up so that they looked like two friends chatting again. Sinéad started pacing to and fro, she tried to get away from his personal space, to be free, to be out of the danger (she could possibly jump out of the window if necessary now, she concluded).

"When you were young," Sinéad started in a voice which resembled a school lecture, it was so impersonal and detached, "you did all you could to get Judy, to have kids, to climb your career ladder, to build this house. Now you have it all and become bored. You want to replace the old machine with a new one just for the newness of the new one, not because the new one would be really better. You're overlooking the stability and reliability of the old machine because you think the new one is better, but in fact, both of them are the same, more or less. They might differ in colour or in proportions," she smirked as she was elaborating her queer comparison, "but in fact, how will it help? The new one will become an old one sooner or later, the money will be spent and you won't be any closer to your satisfaction. You'll still want the new smell of the new car right in front of you. But that's not how the world works, Phil. Look at it from the other way round; you're dissatisfied with Judy. But how can you know she's not dissatisfied with you?"

"With me?" He stared at her, unable to understand that there could be anything wrong with him.

"Yeah, in fact, how d'you know she doesn't want to do the same thing as you wanted to do a sec before, Phil? How d'you know she's not doing it right now?" Sinéad said, her voice slightly wondering and with a deep satisfaction, she watched Phil's face going from confused to frightened.

"She couldn't. She's too simple."

"I'm simple, Phil. Your wife is capable of more things than you can imagine." Now he got really scared. "Gosh, she sure has a lover and she'll want to divorce me. Surely she will! And she'll want the house, and the two cars, and everything!" His eyes were now popped out in horror. She resisted a strong urge to laugh and shuddered her shoulders: "Don't look at me, I ain't got nothin'."

"What do I do?! Helen, tell me, you know everything, what do I do?!"

"Go to her Phil. Make the old machine a new one. Repolish her, change the seats. Tell her exactly what you told me how you feel. Do you think she's happy either? She's dressing up just because of the other women, not because she would really care. I reckon she ain't got anyone now, but it's just a matter of time when the thing happens, Phil, and there's not going back from there. Try some new stuff, new positions, costumes, whatever." She sat wearily at the edge of the bed, the environment was safe now, "there's not a lecherous thing women wouldn't like as much as men, Phil." He sprang from her room, and she gave a deep sigh of relief when he was gone. But just in case, she locked her door from the inside. When she was going to fall asleep, there was a huge raven at the windowsill. She had a strange feeling about that animal, it's dark eyes were so penetrating. As if it was watching her and reading her mind. She smirked. There wasn't such a thing as ravens reading your mind! Be reasonable!

In the morning when she went to have a breakfast into the kitchen (Steffie, Jade and Boomer were already having theirs, gorgeous chaps!), she found Judy more cheerful than ever.

"Oh, Helen, there you are, can I have a word after you finish breakfast?"

"Sure thing." Said Sinéad with a soft smile and pretended she hadn't guessed what that word's going to be about. Surely it will concern their love triangle Sinéad was involuntarily dragged into.

"Last night was incredible!" Judy squeaked and watched the kids playing in the garden just with a corner of her eye when she and Sinéad were sitting in their polished white living room, "Phil was so gentle to me, and the sparkle that was there hadn't been there since ages ago–"

"Ok, Judy, I don't wanna sound rude, but I'm not interested." Said she plainly and swung one leg over the other.

"Ok," Judy said and suddenly, the kindness and excitement vanished from her eyes. She completely changed her tone in a blink of an eye. "But I know he went to you first, and just because you turned him down–"

"I didn't turn him down," said she, "I just don't like to be getting something I didn't ask for."

"Don't interrupt me!" Yelled Judy and her otherwise blue eyes were glittering with fury, "and just because you turned him down, he went to me afterwards and gave our lovelife another try!"

"Are you blaming me for not sleeping with your husband, or him that he went to seek an affair in the first place, or yourself that you were not able to keep him entertained for so long?" She asked, and absolutely ignored the fact that Judy was getting pinker and pinker. But she was determined to win the fight for herself. She was innocent and Judy had no right to be reprimanding her.

"You wouldn't be the first one anyway!" Judy yelled and Sinéad just narrowed her eyes, "what did you think?! That you were so different, so high above the standards of other girls that looked after our children?!"

"I think I'm not getting you now." Said she.

"He had an affair with every au-pair we had!" Judy shrieked, "and all of them were more than willing to benefit from it! They kept him entertained, he then went back to me and was buying me reconcilliatory gifts – oh and I always got twice as much as the girls! And now there comes you, our little Miss Perfect, and thinks that you're too good for a man like Phil, a lawyer in his position?! What do you expect me to do now, to do the old bouncing and coaxing like all those little sluts? A man needs his entertainment to keep his wife and to run his household smoothly!"

"At first I thought you were just stupid." Sinéad said coldly, "but now I realised you're both stupid and lazy. You're too lazy to hire a hooker because that would mean explaining the whole neighbourhood what sort of a family you are, and too stupid to see that I tried to help you be the number one again, which again is connected to the fact that you are lazy and don't like doing the stuff yourself, only benefit from it. I'm sick of this family and this house. Say bye to Steffie and Jade, I can only wish they would be better people than yourselves." Sinéad rose to her feet, ignored the astonished face of Judy Brookman, tamped into her old room, picked up her bag and walked out of the door. The raven noiselessly spread out its wings and rose into the air with an elegance of the royal air forces.

She got on her motorbike again, her disturbed feelings were soon soothed by the sharp January wind. She was feeling cold and was just deciding what to do, when a TV commercial started playing itself in her head. It was promoting some travel agency and showing sunny beaches and the sea somewhere in Spain.

"That is a country," Sinéad reminded herself, and suddenly had a strange but brilliant idea: she will travel the world.

She opened her eyes. Her Master was standing right in front of her, his scythe glittering in the dim light.

"The man is about to die. You know what to do."

"Yes, Master."

1997

She opened her eyes. She was in Hogwarts. It was the middle of June and in twenty minutes everything was supposed to be over. Her eyes glowed red, her arms got longer, her back got hunched. She took in a large amount of air and then shrieked with all the might she had. In the castle everyone's hair stood up. The students were frantically running through the corridors and had to be ushered into their houses immediately. Poppy yelped and dropped a bottle of a healing potion. Minerva looked around, then started directing students into their dormitories. Severus stood up from the chair. He could tell he needed to be ready. When she hears about what I'm about to do, he thought, when she hears it was me, she'll never return to me again. He sighed and closed his eyes.

"What's that?!" Ron said in the Gryffindor tower.

"That must be a banshee scream." Said Hermione and worry was reflecting in her eyes.

"About whom can it be? Harry? No!" Ron yelled and got to his feet.

"At least we know it's not one of us." Said Hermione and closed her book with a loud thump.

"How awfully comforting." Said Ginny, smirking.

"CRUCIO!"

"HAGRID!"

At least ten red jinxes hit the half-giant straight into the back of his head. His body became heavy and he fell from the motorbike into the dark. A few other curses shot down the engine.

"HAGRID!" Harry shouted, and tears sprang from his eyes, however, he had to deal with another problem at the moment. The motorbike was falling and he had no idea how to control it.

"Bloody– HELL!" He cried, grasped the handlebars and tried to stop the vehicle from tumbling down rapidly with big roars of desperate failure. No, he can't fall. He can't die like that. Voldemort was on his back, and Harry had to kill him.

"Back up, Potter!" He heard a sudden cry from behind, and just as he looked behind him, an aviator jumped from the plain air, touched down heavily onto the rider's seat and hardly stepped on the gas, punching a button under the handlebars. A secret door opened at the bike's tail and the motorbike sped forward, making a U turn so they were rising into the air again.

"We've lost an engine!" Harry shouted to the anonymous pilot.

"No worries, we've got a backup! My invention." She giggled. "We must increase our altitude, or we won't make it into the destination! Hold on tight!" Cried woman's voice next to him and punched a button on the dashboard. The motorbike sped forward as never in Harry's life.

"It's better to leave them behind for a while thinking that we sank, isn't it?" She turned to Harry now and he suddenly noticed a long plait of red hair flapping wildly in the air behind them.

"Professor Snape!" He gasped, then he realised what he'd just said. "Sinéad!"

"I'm no professor of yours now!" She laughed and concentrated on the space of air in front of her.

"How you– Why you–"

"Harry, would you really think they would put you into a flying sidecar with no one to back up for Hagrid if something happened to him?" She asked him, winking. "No one else knows how to fly this machine." She said, proud. "The last person who knew was…"

"Sirius." Harry breathed.

"Right." She said way less enthusiastically.

"How did you get here anyway?" Harry asked, "it seemed as if you jumped from nowhere."

"And so it was Harry," said she, concentrating on riding very fast, "there was a detector attached to the seat of the motorbike. Should it detect weight being lifted from the seat while the motorbike was still flying, it rang a bell next to which I was waiting, ready to substitute. It might not have been necessary, you know, but we had to count with the option that Hagrid might not be available. And you couldn't die in a motorbike crash, could you?" She winked again. "So I waited next to a Portkey and together with the alarm sounding, the Portkey got activated. So I just touched it and it brought me straight to this motorbike. And I arrived just in time to lift it from a nosedive, don't you think? Which Harry are you anyway?"

"The right one."

"Yes. Alastor said he would be putting the real you with Hagrid. Where is he anyway?"

"He fell down." Harry said and felt like his heart fell with him.

"No worries Harry, the ground squads will pick'im up. They know he's been substituted. D'you think we've shaken 'em off?"

"I hope." Harry said.

"Have your wand ready, boy. I can't fight while riding, so I'll just keep this flying, no worries. But cover my back, will you? We don't have another substitute for me, you know." She said bitterly and stepped on the gas again. The bike roared and sprang forward.

"I haven't seen you for ages." He said.

"Yeah, me neither." She said indifferently. But the indifference was forced.

"I'm sorry about what happened to you." He said.

"No worries." She said indifferently, the indifference forced even more.

"Is it true that you've… you've lost your child? And are apart from–"

"Yes Harry, but it's fine, it's fine." She said, the indifference forced more than ever. She lifted her googles for a second and he could see her wiping her eyes with her leather glove.

"I'm really sorry." He said again, feeling responsible for this as well. He always felt responsible for the bad things that happened to others.

"It's really fine." She said in a voice that indicated she didn't want to stay on this subject.

"Do you think he'll be here tonight? Snape?"

"Maybe," she said and her voice trembled slightly. After a while, she added, "I haven't seen him for a year."

"D'you think he wants to see you?"

"Yes he does. He doesn't want us to be separated."

"Why?"

"Because I know too much Harry." She said with a sigh expressing I-cannot-believe-how-thick-you-are-sometimes.

"D'you reckon he would like to kill you?"

"Maybe," she shrugged her shoulders and continued looking straight forward without any sight of affection, "I don't really care."

When she saw his shocked face, she added: "Now that I lost my only precious… thing. I'd be delighted to die for you in any second Harry. I've nothing to lose now." She said the last sentence almost in a loud whisper, crooked her face for a second, stepped onto the gas again and let her tears which emerged from down her googles be wiped off by the sharp wind which they broke through.

And they flew on into the night.

"The stupid giant got replaced!"

"By whom?!"

"It doesn't matter! They got away! We've gotta find them!"

Death Eaters appeared around them, struggling to fly in the same speed as they did. Severus was indeed one of them, flying now next to the bike and trying to detect the personality of the rider. He or she had a leather helmet, googles and gloves, accompanied by tight pants for horseriding, high black boots and navy jacket. Looking at the braid, it had to be a girl. She was very very thin and very tall. And she was damn good with the bike… Hold on. No. It couldn't have been her. She was with her tribe, far away from the war. Or was she?!

One of the Death Eaters casted a curse. It grazed Sinéad's long braid and the tips of her hair cought fire.

"PUT IT OUT !" She shrieked and struggled to keep the bike levelled despite of her panic.

"Aguamenti!" Harry cried and the black burned part of her hair fell down. Her braid unplaited and long large veil of red hair flew behind now, tangling and flapping.

"Damn it." She cursed, but never ceased controlling the bike. The Death Eaters kept firing spells at the bike and she was maneuvering it frantically, so that Harry had to clutch tight to the handle. One of the streams got caught into the straps of the helmet.

"Merlin's– BEARD!" She cried, pissed off, unfastened the helmet and hung it on her arm.

"I can take it if you like." Harry said, trying to help.

"Thanks Harry. I hate my hair when it tangles." She said in a sorry voice. She was now flying with bare head, but the helmet wasn't of much help anyway.

"Seems like you're having a nice match with your ex." Dolohov's voice sounded in Snape's head. True. When he was flying next to the bike, he could see clearly now who was riding it. His heart stopped. She was here, risking her own death for a world that had taken everything from her. Yet she was riding the bike with utmost eagerness to win. He hasn't seen her for so long… He wished he could see her eyes, but those were covered by the googles she was still wearing. Dolohov sent a green lighted jinx straight at her. Snape quickly used Expeliarmus to contradict it.

"Have you lost your senses?!"

"We mustn't hit the boy!"

So they kept flying, dancing amongst the colourful lights from the Death Eaters' wands like a butterfly.

"He's coming– he's coming again!" Harry yelled and slapped his forehead.

"Okay, hold on!" She shrieked and punched the extra speed button with all her might. They sprang forward, out from the Death Eaters' reach.

"We've got little fuel now but we're almost there!" She yelled. The Death Eaters blew up the other engine that was supporting the motorbike.

"Oh sh*t!" She yelled as they were diving straight into the ground. "We've lost both engines!" The Death Eaters were now diving tight next to them. She kicked another knick-knack with her knee and large membraneous dragon-like wings sprang from the sides of the bike, hitting the Death Eaters on each side painfully. She also stepped on the seat and spred out her arms in an almost ceremonial gesture. They immediately ceased falling, levelled, and became a glider. Simultaneously, much stronger wind wave blew the Death Eaters off their brooms.

"Now it doesn't matter if I am stepping on the gas or not!" She yelled and threw away her goggles. Seating herself again and controlling the handle bar with her right hand, she was ready to fight with her other hand.

"He's coming!" Harry yelled again.

"Don't let go of your wand, boy!" She cried and casted the nearest Death Eater a fire flap by a sharp stretch of her left hand. It was Severus, casting her harmless Expelliarmus – he had to pretend he was fighting back. However, Sinéad wasn't anyhow mild with her blazes.

"Expelliarmus won't do her anything, stupid idiot!"

Severus then used Ossio Dispersimus to incapacitate her, it worked. Her left hand became rubber-like. She yelled and stared at her flabby arm. Flames of fire were still licking his robes and she sent a wind wave and caused him to fly from his direction. He used the curse again on her left leg.

"What do we do? You can't land!"

"We're almost there!"

The motorbike neared the ground, however, it was clear that it is going to hit it. Sinéad had no control over it.

"JUMP!"

"WHAT?!"

So some three metres above the ground, they jumped. The motorbike kept flying with the force of its speed and before anyone could help it, it crashed into the nearby standing pine trees.

"They crashed." Dolohov's voice sounded in Snape's head. "And are over the barrier. We're heading back."

When the other three Death Eaters turned back, he secretly landed into the forest and rushed at it's edge to examine the bike. They weren't there. And he could see from the darkness that the door of the house flung open and figures were running towards someone on the muddy road. He could see the Potter boy, but where was she? Slowly, another tall and very thin figure began to get onto her feet but she couldn't stand because of the damage he'd caused her. The people from the house rushed to her to help. He closed his dark eyes and a single tear dropped onto the grass. He thanked God she was alive. If only he could see her face… The people helped her go inside and he couldn't see her now. So he silently departed, heavy in his heart like before.

"You were so brave!" Harry said when they entered Tonks' parents' home. Sinéad was seated on the sofa and Andromeda was tending to her, however, there wasn't much she could do without the bone-growing potion.

"Don't worry, dear, Molly will surely have some Skelegro to give you." Andromeda was smiling and Ted Tonks was tending to Harry's minor injuries. They took the Portkey to the Burrow and found Molly greatly relieved that the true Harry was unharmed. However, Sinéad collapsed onto the ground as they landed, being of one working leg shorter.

"Merlin's Beard!" Yelled Lupin and rushed to catch her. "Sinéad, blimey, what are you doing here? What happened?"

"I had to substitute for Hagrid."

Mrs Weasley gasped: "No!"

"He's fine, the Dark Lord might have hit him with Crucio curse and he fell off–"

"What happened to you, Sin?" Lupin looked really worried.

"It was Snape." Said Harry firmly. "He vanished her bones so that she couldn't fight him."

Molly smiled: "I'll bring you the Skelegro in a minute dear, just when I'm finished with the others, they're still arriving you see–" and she rushed outside.

"But she was really magnificent." Harry told Remus. "I've never seen a more competent driver of the motorbike. She maneuvered it and installed a second engine and flew it without any engine at all and everything…"

"Harry's exaggerating." Sinéad said, smiling. Remus couldn't help himself, he had to hug her tightly. She requitted his hug, putting her only working hand round his neck.

"I missed you so much!" Remus whispered and Sinéad whispered: "Me too…"

She stayed in the Burrow for the next few days. It was nice to see all the wizarding folk again, and Sinéad could now work with them much more easily when her head was clear. Her husband was a traitor, a Death Eater and a murderer and as soon as she could, she'll get a divorce and start a new life in some Muggle city.

"Mrs. Snape?"

"Yes?" Sinéad got up from the armchair and was looking eye to eye with a very strict-looking ginger man.

"Rufus Scrimgeour." He said with his commander-like voice and shook her hand firmly.

"Pleasure." She said indifferently.

"I'm here to handle the last will and testament of Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore for your person madame."

"Don't madame me, I don't like it when I can anticipate what's behind it." She said.

"You don't want to be unpleasant to the Minister of Magic, Mrs. Snape." Growled Scrimgeour and pulling out a tiny flask containing liquid he held it before Sinéad's face.

"Anyhow familiar with this?" He asked.

"Never seen it before." She said coldly.

"You don't want to lie to me, Mrs. Snape… After all, we at the Ministry have our ways of investigation…" Murmured the Minister and placed the flask into her slender out-stretched hand.

"I'm not lying, so I'm not afraid to undergo any investigation of yours." Said she resolutely and he remained silent for a while.

"What can you tell me about your husband, Mrs. Snape?"

"He hates children and wears a white T-shirt to bed." She said indifferently.

"Don't play games with me," growled Scrimgeour, "I know you know that he planned the murder of Albus Dumbledore all along, so tell me, how exactly had it been planned?"

"Mr. Scrimgeour," Sinéad said calmly and her emerald eyes pierced him like spiky needles, "My husband and I are separated for more than a year. Do you really believe I know his plans, with whom he goes and where, or his thoughts? I've nothing in common with him anymore, just the name."

The Minister for Magic casted her a very disapproving look, got to his feet, and walked out the living room of the Burrow.

"What's this?" She held the tiny flask before Harry's eyes.

"It contains memories." Said Harry, "who gave it to you?"

"Scrimgeour, Dumbledore left it for me. How do I get to see them?"

"You need to go to the Headmaster's Office in Hogwarts, there is a marble shallow bowl called Pensieve. You spill the contents inside and stick your head into the bowl." Harry explained and his green eyes were questioning hers: "Why do you think he left them to you?"

"Maybe there's something he wants me to see." She said and squeezed her hand around the flask.

"You need to get to Hogwarts though." Said Ginny who was eavesdropping.

"I believe the Headmaster still has a soft spot for me after all the time that passed by so I presume it shan't be a disaster when I'm seen." Sinéad said and was examining the contents of the flask.

"But who knows, maybe he got rid of the Pensieve." Said Harry.

"I'm gonna go there tonight." She said resolutely, "I need to see what Dumbledore had to tell me."

"How? Your bike's crashed. It will take Dad ages to–"

"I'll use Floo powder."

In the memories

There was a dark room. Sinéad didn't recognize anything. It was a shabby and musty living room. There was a ginger haired man with a beard standing in the corner, patiently waiting for something. He had a crescent-like glasses and sharp blue eyes.

"Albus? What are you– What does this—"

He didn't move a bit. Before Sinéad could investigate the room further, there was a woman's cry.

"No! Tobias! Don't do this!"

The door leading to the living room burst open and little pale dark-haired boy ran through it, hid behind a sofa and was trembling with fear.

"He's not buying any damn stuff to go to any damn school!" Roared a man who staggered into the room, obviously drunk. He held a bottle with one hand and a knife with the other. When Sinéad looked at him, the sight of him was revolting. A woman ran after him, and tried to hold the hand of his which held the knife in order to stop him from throwing the knife at the boy. She had many bruises and scratches, hollow cheeks, matted black hair, hooked nose, yellowish skin and a black-eye. Finally Sinéad recognized the scene. It was Severus' mother, and the boy was…

"You and that brat of yours, go to hell!" He roared, threw his wife on the floor and aimed at Severus hiding behind the sofa, panting heavily. Sinéad yelled and instinctively casted herself in between the drunk father and his child. She didn't know why, she didn't think of it. What she knew is that she suddenly stood there in the trajectory of the knife with her arms spread wide. With a flick of his wand, Dumbledore let the knife disappear and turned towards the man.

The scene changed. Now they were at Hogwarts, it was a sunny summer day. The students were streaming out of the building with their uniforms loosened and were chatting and laughing. But there was one boy who was aside. He might be of twelve or thirteen years of age, he had long black greasy hair and looked constantly on the ground. He was hurrying past a group of Gryffindor students and judging by the pace of his steps and the direction of his look, he didn't want to be noticed. However, the Gryffindor lads did spot him.

"Look who's here, our little snivelly friend!" Cried a boy with shoulder-length hair. A boy with a pair of round glasses pulled out his wand and was ready to fight. The other two laughed as if they'd just heard a brilliant joke. Sinéad turned around and to her immense surprise found Dumbledore just behind her, with his eyes solemn and a little frown sitting on his lips.

"Do something! Don't stand here as if you were watching a play in a theatre!" She yelled, however, reminded herself again that the man couldn't hear her. She felt a strong urge to run after the boys, to yell at them, to put them in detention for bullying their fellow student. But these were just memories. The boys reached Severus and disarmed him, however with a great difficulty, they all seemed unpractised.

"Stop it!" She yelled, being really angry. She even hissed like a wild cat.

The scene changed.

"I've told you so many times that I'm sorry!" Howled Severus and looked as if he were about to die in the next second. Lily stood against him with her arms folded and she was frowning, she seemed not to care at all for any apologies he could make.

"Save your breath! I've heard your opinion quite well!" She spat and her green eyes glowed with anger.

"It was just because Potter-"

"DON'T DRAG JAMES INTO IT!"

"He made me angry and-"

"And what?! You just forgot not to insult your ex-best friend?! Oh come on, Severus, I don't believe in any fabrications you can produce!"

"NO! LILY!"

The scene changed. All the five boys were there again, much older now. All of them had their wands out, and were pointing at one another's faces. More precisely, the four were pointing into Severus' and he was pointing at James whom he reckoned as the greatest threat.

"Our dear snivelly friend, I am pleased to announce that Mr. Potter and Miss Evans just celebrated a half-year of going out with each other." Declared Sirius in a festive manner, the others burst out laughing. Snape got pale with hatred and anger.

"Not really with each other only, we've been to their dates most of the time," smirked Lupin and Pettigrew squaked with joy.

"You stole her… You stole her from me!" Snape roared and pointed with his wand at James. All the others instinctively formed a wall in front of Potter.

"She chose herself." James spat and his face was hideous, it was crooked in disgust and scorn.

"I hope you didn't even think she would be your friend again, did you, you fool?!" Sirius hissed and all their squad roared with laughter. It was awfully funny.

"Especially after all that James told her about you!" Peter squeaked and even he looked as an awfully upset pig.

"YOU!" Severus bellowed and sent a jinx at James. A fight began. It was fierce, but it wasn't hard to predict the winner. When they were four at one…

The scene changed. There were only two people hiding behind a column, it was James and Lily. She was tugging at her hair and looked very nervous and irresolute.

"James, the school is almost over, don't you think I should reconcile with him? I don't want to have any unresolved extinct friendships hanging in the air, if only I went to see him and told him all was well–"

"Lily, love, think what he said to you!" Said he very suggestively, "do you think he would care for a reconcilliation?"

"But James–"

"Peter heard him saying something outrageous about Muggle-born students just last week. I really think you should spare yourself the effort. Just take it as a friendship where both of them had different interests, and you'll certainly feel better."

"Maybe you're right, James."

The scene changed.

"I'm pregnant again!" Lily said with a smile, she seemed to be really happy about it.

"Congratulations," Dumbledore smiled through his crescent-like glasses.

"Professor, I have an important thing to ask your opinion about." She changed her tone so suddenly it made Sinéad raise her eyebrows. "I was really considering making peace with Severus, the thought hunts me day and night. I think I could talk James into doing the same thing, being a father has made him a bit milder after all… Do you think it's a good idea to make Severus a godfather of our child? Do you think he would care?"

"You can always hope for the best," said Dumbledore encouragingly and patted her hand.

The scene changed. Snape now looked much older, very much like today, and Dumbledore had a very large wound stretched across his right arm. In fact, the hand was rather dying and it was a miracle that it still held together and didn't fall apart.

"You can't go on like that for long." Snape said and seemed not to be affected by the content of his utterance whatsoever.

"You must do it soon." Albus whispered in pain and closed his eyes.

"Must I? Really?!" Snape snapped and didn't bother to cast his superior another look.

"You're my only hope… Please…" The old headmaster whispered. "I can't die… In pain like this. You must be merciful with me! One curse, the final and the terminal one . One curse will solve all my troubles. One curse!"

"You haven't asked what that one simple curse meant for me!" Snape snapped again.

"Well, what does it mean to you?"

"It means that my life is doomed. My soul is split apart forever with murder and my wife won't speak to me again. Any chances she would return to me are just-" he flung himself into an armchair and put his head into his hands, "gone!" He started crying. He really started crying! Sinéad stood shocked, not knowing what to do or say.

"Well it cannot be much worse for her, can it? Remember when I ordered you to leave her alone and pregnant in your house, I can remember how much you objected to my orders…"

She was shocked to an utmost level, she was as shocked as she could be. So it wasn't his mind at all. It was all on Dumbledore's orders. It was all on Dumbledore's orders! She was so disgusted, so much that she deliberately pulled her head out of the Pensieve. Everything seemed completely different. The office, the furniture, the portraits. Staring into the open space, she didn't even notice one of the portraits moving.

"Nice to see you again, Sinéad." Said Dumbledore's portrait.

She turned to him and he realised that tears were streaming down her cheeks. She was standing there, her face crooked, she was sobbing. He waited what was going to happen next.

"Such cruelty executed– such injustice, such selfishness!" She cried. "You- YOU!"

"We're all human, Sinéad." Said Dumbledore weakly. "I only did as I judged best. I thought that I might actually induce him to–"

"No intentions can cover up for you!" She shrieked. "You saw it all with your own eyes! You saw the bullying! Why didn't you stand up for him?! Why didn't you teach James Potter and his squad a lesson! Is it because the Gryffindors are always favoured?!"

"I made some wrong choices Sinéad," Dumbledore breathed out, exhausted, "and I never realised how horribly he was treated just until when I needed him most."

"YOU ARE THE REASON WHY IT ALL TURNED OUT SO BAD!" She shrieked with all her power and few of the glass windows shattered by the force of the sound.

"Sinéad…" Dumbledore gave a wail and was shedding large tears in his portrait frame, "it is all my fault… All my fault!"

"What do I do?" Asked Sinéad.

"Just follow the light." Dumbledore said weakly and a tiny ball of blue light appeared in front of her, floating towards the door. She followed, passing through empty corridors which were more than familiar, opening doors, the light flew faster and faster and she had to run… The set of familiar stony cold corridors… Torches passing by fast like streetlamps… She burst the door open, panting heavily, holding the handle. A man sprang from the table at which he was sitting and writing something… She could see the unbelieving expression in his face.

"Sinéad?!"

Her face was surely looking as surprised as his did. She didn't realise where she was going.

"Has something happened?" He asked with concern, ushering her to his seat in his office, which, despite the fact he was a newly appointed Headmaster of Hogwarts, remained unchanged. Perhaps he was soon to shift into the round office left empty by Dumbledore's depart?

"No, can't I be here even if nothing happens?" She asked, attempting to wriggle out from the situation. She didn't plan it like that. She even didn't know if she ever wanted to go back, even though it was all Dumbledore's fault. Just as he said!

"Of course you can." He smiled, and the smile was cordial, happy and very affected, "but you seemed surprised to find me here."

"Oh, I…" She smiled and blushed, "to tell the truth, I originally went to Hogwarts just to see the memories Dumbledore left me, and then I got kinda… redirected here."

"Ah, those?" He raised his eyebrows, obviously aware of the content, "I've been telling him for weeks not to leave them to you."

"Why, aren't you glad I've learnt the truth?" She asked.

"Would it help?" He asked and smiled bitterly, "in the eyes of others, I'm a die-hard Death Eater and the murderer of Albus Dumbledore whom everyone so deeply loved."

"I believe I've told you sometime during the long time we've been together: it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, what you think is what matters."

"What difference does it make?" He said and his face changed into a sad, broken one, "I've no place to go besides the dark circles. I couldn't even see you because the Order has its people everywhere. My whole future is doomed to the life in the darkness. And even if I begged you, you wouldn't return to me, to such a life…"

She tried to change the subject, to divert them both from the irreversible decision she had to make that night: "My Master told me a large amount of souls is to be obtained by him soon enough."

"What does it mean?" He asked.

"My Master is Death, Severus." She said. "I hoped you realised a few weeks ago when I was keening…"

"What does he mean, 'large amount of souls'?"

"He means a large number at a time," she said mysteriously and winked, "there is going to be a huge battle soon enough."

"When?" He said, hope in his voice.

"I do not know. My Master knows the day, the month, the hour of any soul's end in this world. But I wasn't even supposed to tell you about the battle…" She blushed and bit her lip.

"You little chatterbox, that's typical," he smiled and slowly extended his hand to gently place a stream of her hair behind her ear. She shivered and her large scared eyes followed the movement of his hand.

"I hope you aren't afraid of my touch after all that happened?" He said softly.

"I've grown not to be used to a man's hand anymore." She whispered.

"Oh, you timid untamed lamb…" He whispered, however, withdrew his hand and resisted the temptation to place it onto the back of hers which lied on the table. He must give her time. That was crucial. He must let her come back like a dog that had been beaten.

"There might be one thing for which I came," she said and seemed like she remembered something, "I wanted to tell you I was terribly, terribly sorry…" Placing her hand on top of his, she forced her heartbeat to calm down, even though the corner of her eye twitched with the touch.

"For what?" He raised his eyebrows.

"For all the bad things others did to you." She said softly and her upper lip was shaking. "It was… unimaginable. I'm sorry for all the bad choices you had to withstand. And I've come to tell you something else. I admire you for your deep conviction and determination. And…" she paused, fidgeted and blushed, "how ardently and truly I sympathise and feel for you."

"My Titania…" He whispered, he couldn't help it, he had to bend across the table to kiss her. She jerked, but did not withdraw.

"So, what do we do?" She asked, smiling and blushing, her eyes low, her face red.

"Does this mean you are back?" He asked, his black eyes imbibing hers. She couldn't help it. They absorbed her, they fascinated her, they made her want never to part with them again.

"Yes." She whispered. "I'm back. I couldn't walk away from it. There's no way of walking away from what's happening."