Adam
At long last I had been able to sort out my head. I knew what I wanted I just couldn't have it; but I knew I couldn't go backwards either. Having Jess here for one week had been hard enough, I don't think I could face seeing her long term. It has taken me a long time to get to the point I'm at now but I can feel myself slipping backwards. I still get the feeling that she blames me for not saving Harry. She says she doesn't but it's all I can think about when I look at her. Does she really not blame me anymore or is she just saying it? The thing is when I look at her I blame myself. I can't help it she makes me feel guilty and I can't live with facing her everyday. I failed to save our son, our baby boy; I made a choice, one which cost him his life. If I'd made the other one I could have lost both of them or saved both of them.
I can't carry on thinking it over and over again, eventually I just have to say I made a choice, I can't change it now and that choice saved Jess. I don't know how I'm going to tell Jess. How am I going to tell her that I'm not strong enough to see her everyday, that it hurts too much to see the memories of that day but it's all I can see when I look at her. Her lifeless form was cold to touch so near death, just like Kirsty's had been when I found her over a week ago but I longed to go and see her even if it was to just watch her from a distance but she had been discharged now and my chance had been lost. She still wasn't speaking and it worried me deeply. Everyone was doing everything they could to help her and I hadn't even been to see her once. It's not that I didn't want to go and see her, I did more than anything; I just found that I couldn't. If I went and she still look so broken and lost I don't think I could hold it together. Everyone would know, if they already don't; how much I love her and that would cause nothing but trouble.
I keep thinking in circles, going round and round, thinking between Kirsty and Jess. I had one horrifying day with Jess but I had a handful of those awful memories with Kirsty where she was, or I thought she was dead or dying and still all I wanted to do was look at her, hold her and be near her. It just wasn't the same with Jess, not any more. I hadn't seen Kirsty for too long and I found myself thinking about more and more. I could barely get through a minuet with out one thought or another about her. Jess noticed how distracted I was as well. Even when we were talking I would find myself daydreaming and being snapped out of is with Jess looking at me expectantly. I had to explain.
Nita
I didn't dare turn my bedroom light on whilst I packed, I fumbled around in the darkness trying to find everything I wanted pack. I knew we could never come back so anything I wanted to keep had to be packet now. I was opening and closing cupboards and draws at a snails pace trying to keep silent, scared that any noise I made would wake dad or grandma and I would be found and ruin any chance we had of ever escaping. I pulled out my school sports bag and replaced my gym kit with clothes. I couldn't believe we were actually leaving, we'd moved lots of times before but this just felt weird after tomorrow I wouldn't see my dad again, ever. I was worried about mum as well she hadn't spoken in weeks and now we where running away. Was it too soon would she be able to cope? When she finally did speak she sounded ok which made me question why she was silent in the first place but she must have had her reasons. I couldn't see her not speaking to me just because she didn't feel like it. I tucked a photo album down the side of my bag and zipped it closed. I was packed.
School went extremely slowly yet amazingly fast at the same time. I was waiting but at the same time this was my last day. I watched the clock go around in lessons every second feeling like two or three. I couldn't tell anybody that I wasn't going to be here tomorrow and almost certainly never see them again so I lapped up ever second I could with my friends and used lunch time to take pictures on my phone of us all together. I don't know how I got away with it but they all seemed to think it was a great idea. And then it was three thirty and the end of the day bell rang. The usual smiles appeared as school was over for another day and students pilled out of the school gates. Good bye school.
Kirsty
We were finally getting away. I'd finally got the courage, well Nita gave it to me, and we were going today. It meant the world that Nita knew and understood the reason for us leaving and she supported the decision to leave. Nita was meeting me outside McDonalds after school. She'd told Warren and Kathy that she was going to a friend's after school so wouldn't be home for tea so everything was in action all I had to do now was get some things together and get out of the house while Warren and Kathy were out.
I would never again get to see Adam. I don't know why I care about him so much; he obviously doesn't care about me. He's the only one who hasn't been to visit me this whole time, yet he was the only one I really wanted to. If he had visited I don't know if I could have held everything together. I would probably have broken down the second he held my hand. He could have been the one to break through to me but he didn't even try. He didn't care. I blinked back a couple of tears which were threatening to fall. Warren and Kathy couldn't see them. They weren't leaving for a while yet but I kept going through and through exactly what I was going to do when they finally left.
I waited nervously continuing to hold my mask in place. My mask would soon be shed and I could be myself again but the thought of it scared me more than anything. I'd spent the best part of two weeks doing anything apart from being myself and soon I could let life enter my eyes and be able to respond to simple questions and the freedom was daunting. What would Warren and Kathy do when they found out that we had gone? What would we do once we had gone? It's not like I had a lot of money or anywhere to go. Tonight we would be alone in the world, running and scared hoping and praying that he would never catch-up with us but I couldn't back out now I'd promised Nita that we would get away that he would never hurt me again so that's what we were going to do. I was meeting Nita at four, I looked at the clock, it was twenty minuets past one, Warren and Kathy should be leaving any minuet now. My heart started beating faster in anticipation.
Finally the front door closed and I was left alone. I waited a couple of minuets just to be sure that they weren't coming back for anything they had forgotten and then I slowly stood from what had become my spot on the sofa. I looked around everything looked the same. I made my way cautiously to the door and peered around the frame just to check I was alone. Seeing nobody I broke into a full speed run up the stairs and into Nita's room closing the door firmly behind me. She'd packed a couple of bags which she had stashed under her bed and I bent down to fish them out. I placed them on her bed before running across the landing into mine and Warren's room and started searching for my rucksack to stuff some clothes in before getting the hell out of this house before Warren or Kathy came home.
The quiet creaking of the en-suit door opening behind me sent me into panic. I turned eyes wide with shock to see warren stood in the doorway looking like the cat that got the cream. Roots grew from my feet into the floor making it impossible for me to move. I was frozen with everything moving in slow motion. I watched as Warren stepped out of the bathroom and got closer and closer to me. Still I couldn't move; there was no escape even if I could muster up the courage to move. He stood between the bedroom door and the en-suit door I had nowhere to go but further into the bedroom. I watched as his hands moved from there casual hanging place at his sides upward, reaching out for me.
Sorry but I never saw Adam and Jess together so I've kinda sunk that ship and I love Adam and Kirsty. Thank you for reviewing.