A/N: Big thanks to Skaoi for coming up with the name for this one.

Chapter 25 – Past Tense

"So mum, you want to know what's wrong? Let's turn the clock back to that night in heaven when you drugged me – shall we?" The devil's dark eyes gleamed like sharpened demon daggers ready to slice deeply.

Lilith ran her fingers through her curly hair in frustration. "Sam... er Lucifer, can't we just let the past stay where it is meant to?" she pleaded softly.

With his heart beating in his throat he regarded her intently. "No mum. I've ignored it for far too long you made dad think you had sex with me but you told me that was just an act and that it never really happened."

She swallowed thickly sitting down on the sofa but didn't respond. This son was a lot like her. She never could handle betrayal well and it was obviously neither could he.

"Even now you say it didn't happen. But despite being drugged I have memories, memories that I can't get out of my head. Memories that turn my stomach. How can I have memories of something that never happened? Hmm mum – can you explain that?" his voice was hoarse and strained.

She could feel the stress settling in her shoulders and rolled them back trying to ease it. She had drugged him pretty heavily it was amazing he could remember anything.

She looked at him, frowning. "What kind of memories?"

"What does it matter?" he spat. "A parent doing any one of them to their child would be beyond sick."

The pit of seething unrequited fury in her stomach grew but she nodded and patted the spot on the sofa beside her.

He shook his head, regarding her warily.

She exhaled loudly then spoke, "after your father disregarded my ideas and opinions and gave me to Adam, something in me changed. You know that? Right? I wanted our family. I wanted to be an equal. You can't say I wasn't a good mother to you and Meni prior to that?" She looked at him for affirmation. His dark eyes were watching her closely and he looked a little taken aback by her question.

Memories flashed through him of fun times the three of them had had, Adventures of learning to cloud surf, testing out his wings-learning to fly, music, singing, helping her cook and bake and licking every bowl and spoon. He nodded grudgingly.

She was relieved that he seemed to remember the good times. She wanted him to focus on that. If she could attempt to let go of the past then so should he. She got up and went to stand in front of him. "I can't describe it but an all consuming rage took hold of me. When I came back to heaven and learned of even more new creations your father made I couldn't think straight anymore."

" and that's when you geared up the attention you lavished on me – I was just a pawn to you to manipulate so you could get your revenge on dad! You used me – you defiled father's favourite son for your sick and twisted lust for revenge! You are monstrous!" he accused her angrily his eyes filled with wrath as all the hurt, betrayal and disgust welled in the pit of his stomach.

His words brought her fury to the surface, how dare this arrogant son judge her so harshly. She lashed out and did something she had never done before.

Caught off guard he stumbled back when she slapped him hard - her eyes turning black.

His cheek stung, he gasped out in shock, "you…you've never hit me before."

She closed her eyes, willing the anger to recede for now. When she opened them again she looked at him. He looked stunned, his cheek a bright red, his eyes suspicious but she could see the hurt beneath it. Her heart clenched unexpectedly for a moment. She sighed deeply. "Will you please come and sit with me."

He didn't respond. His dark eyes now wide and, wary.

She turned and sat back on the sofa. "Please, Lucifer."

"You really are insane," he growled. Rubbing his cheek he slowly went and sat down out of striking range.

"I saw how much your father's neglect hurt you, both of you. You had the reputation of being your father's favorite so it affected you even more. I knew how much you loved music that is why I spent time teaching you new instruments. I too love music that was one of the things I missed the most in hell. One day your father and I had a spectacular fight I think it came on the heels of one you and he had about free will and accountability. He thought I had coerced you into arguing with him, he said I was a bad influence on you and that he would separate me from you both. I went a little insane. He didn't treat me as his partner; I was supposed to behave like one of his loyal soldiers – obeying even if I didn't agree. My rage took over and all I could think about was hurting him in the worst way possible." She looked at Lucifer then.

He chewed on his lower lip. "Through me."

"I don't know what came over me that day. I was desperate to hurt your father."

Lucifer took a shaky breath. "What about me? You had no qualms about what you did? Just to be clear you did it – it wasn't just staged…you...had sex with me while I was drugged!" He stared into her dark eyes so much like his own, demanding to see the truth in them.

Silence. She looked away not wanting to meet his gaze not willing to face the truth. She could feel his hard eyes on her. She stared at the hands in her lap.

Lucifer watched her swallow heavily and slowly she lifted her eyes to meet his. They were full of regret, and infinite shame.

Her eyes flooded with tears. "I have no excuse. It was unforgivable. I wanted to forget. I had hoped you were so drugged you would never know. I would give anything for it never to have happened. Can you forgive me? Can we concentrate on the good times we had as a family and move forward?"

Lucifer refused to let her tears affect him. What she had done was unforgivable.

He got up, towering over her with a wild look in his eyes. In a quiet controlled voice he told her, "I want you to leave. I don't want to ever see you here again. Don't enter my house, don't enter Lux. Stay away from the detective and Maze and me."

"Sam…Lucifer. It was a long time ago. Can't you please find some way to deal with it? I promise nothing like that will ever happen again," she pleaded.

He gave a harsh laugh. "Of course it won't. I'm not the innocent young creation anymore am I, eh? You stole that from me. No mum there isn't any way in heaven, earth or hell I can forgive you. If Amenadiel still wants to spend time with you he's welcome to but far away from here and from me. "

Something black flickered in her eyes making the hair on the back of Lucifer's neck rise.

"You are just like your father. Unforgiving and judgmental to his own kind but oh so lenient with his human creations," she spat human like it was a word that burned her tongue.

Rage licked at every cell in Lucifer's body. He was nothing like his father. How dare she of all people say that? His eyes flashed red.

Lilith's eyes darkened "So you want to send me back to hell? I haven't done anything wrong since I've escaped. I've reached out to you and your brother with nothing but the best of intentions. But you refuse forgiveness or in the least understanding that I would do anything to eventually fix this when you are ready to give me a chance to someway make it up to you," she responded with anger and hurt.

He stood there with his jaw clenched tightly but remained silent.

Then she sighed. "Son, if that's the only way you can deal with this then do it." She turned and walked out onto the deck staring out into the skies.

The skies had darkened and once again thunder rumbled as Lucifer's heart beat at an accelerated rate.

She turned to look at him and said quietly, "do it son – I deserve it for what I did to you. Say goodbye to Meni for me. Tell him I appreciated him talking to your father on my behalf. I will never forget that."

He stared at her frowning, contemplating.

"You didn't speak to your father. All over all the never-ending years in hell never once did you speak to me, listen to my pleas, I begged you to hear me out. Not once did you even grant me the chance to speak. So go ahead and do it Lucifer - end it NOW!" she raged at him. "Your father will be so pleased, his favourite has become the obedient son again. Albeit not pure enough to be welcomed back to heaven but at least he'll see he still has a measure of control over you." She took a deep breath again, her eyes disillusioned and resigned. "Do it, Lucifer, be like your father and lock me up in hell again."

A myriad of emotions welled up in Lucifer: rage, hate, betrayal, guilt and something more he couldn't define. He couldn't for some reason - he just couldn't send her back to hell. He realized that she saw that he couldn't – knew that he couldn't. In one quick fluid movement she was up on the ledge looking down at the pavement.

"No don't!" he shouted.

She turned one more lingering look at him then jumped. He froze, suddenly chilled to the bone.

Amenadiel. having heard him shout - came bursting through the elevator doors as they opened. "Lucifer! What's wrong – what happened?"

His brother stood in the middle of the deck staring at the ledge barely breathing. Amenadiel frantically looked around for his mother then with a sick feeling in his gut went over to the ledge and peered down. He turned back to his brother clasping him by the shoulders. "Luci, what happened?"

Lucifer tore loose from his brother's touch. The dark eyes blinked suddenly and rose to meet his. He whispered," she jumped."

Amenadiel looked confused. "Then where is she?"

His brother's words slowly penetrated his brain. He went to the ledge peering over. Nothing. No body, no horrified pedestrians, no car alarms. Bloody hell – she had somehow survived leaving him feeling more confused than ever.

"She must somehow still have her wings," Amenadiel stated.

Lucifer frowned not knowing what to feel. He had his answer, he finally knew. Somehow it felt anticlimactic. Perhaps his time talking to Linda had already helped him deal with the worst-case scenario.

"Lucifer?" Amenadiel looked at his brother who had paled considerably. "What did she say?"

Lucifer sneered. "You mean you weren't listening at the keyhole, brother? Getting your jollies at my expense."

Anger reared in Amenadiel but he could see how wrath was Lucifer's shield at the moment and he wasn't about to try and break it with his fists no matter how much his brother wanted it.

"Hit me if it makes you feel better," the angel said quietly.

The dark eyes narrowed at him but his fists stayed down. "Just get out," the devil said slowly. His jaw clenched tight his body tense.

"Have you forgiven Chloe?" when Lucifer didn't answer he continued, "why can't or won't you forgive me?"

"Because she had never betrayed me before while you…you I can't trust," he spat, venom dripping from his last word.

The angel nodded. "I can understand that but Luci things have changed. I regret what I did, if I could change it I would. Know this – you can trust me." His dark eyes were sincere.

"Get out," Lucifer repeated as he turned his back on him and headed to the bar.

Amenadiel took a shaky breath wishing he could take away the pain etched in his brother's eyes.

For the second time in a short time span he left Lucifer's home. He went to the bar in Lux. Maze had arrived. She took one look at him and set out a drink. "How is he?"

"Mom was there, whatever happened I think he knows now." The angel downed the shot in one gulp. Maze's eyebrows rose. The angel was definitely tarnishing his purity. She set another in front of him, which he downed immediately.

"Is she still there? You shouldn't leave her alone with him?' she chided.

"No she jumped over the balcony - only she wasn't on the pavement below."

"How is that possible?"

"She must have retained her wings in hell," the angel mused.

"Why did you leave him alone?"

"He demanded I leave. He refuses to forgive me. I've lost his trust, that is if I ever had it to start with."

"That's ridiculous. I bet he forgave Chloe right away. I'm going up, before you leave tell Brian to tend the bar," Maze ordered.

"Maze, I don't think that's a good idea," Amenadiel advised.

She smirked. "But I do." And headed up the elevator.

"Get out!" was the first thing she heard from Lucifer who was playing some morose dark song on the piano.

"Why? So you can wallow in self-pity? Since when is the devil such a train wreck he can't see who is on his side and who isn't?'

He had her by the throat before she could even take another step. She smiled and choked out, "that's better."

"Don't disrespect me, not now, not ever." He tightened his hold. She could see he was breathing hard and his temper was out of control.

She held her ground and narrowed her eyes throwing visual daggers at him.

After a moment he let go of her and headed to the bar.

"So did mommy dearest do it?' she asked hoarsely rubbing her throat.

He looked ready to hurl the glass in his hand at her but then downed the ingredients instead.

When he didn't answer she sat down beside him and poured herself a drink. She didn't say anything further letting him take the lead on whether he wanted to talk or not. Apparently he didn't so they sat in companionable silence drinking.

"You have to forgive Amenadiel," she blurted out after awhile startling him out of his thoughts.

"I'm pretty sure I don't," he countered.

"Angels aren't much fun when they're all weepy," she informed him.

Lucifer snorted. "And I should care – why exactly?'

Maze turned to him. "Because it's your fault! I bet you immediately forgave your little pet detective. Your brother was crying – he was so upset by everything that had happened to you."

"I don't need nor want his pity!" Lucifer spat yet her words left him in wonder – had Amenadiel truly cared?

"It's not pity – it's guilt! You're the devil for crying out loud you are supposed to see people's hidden desires – he needs your forgiveness. I don't ask for much, Lucifer. I've protected you, I left hell – a place that I considered home to follow you and be by your side. We are partners. Can't you do me one favor! Open your eyes and see how learning the truth has affected him. He's your brother and while I hated his guts at the beginning he's trying to fix the wrongs he made."

He ground his teeth thinking of his mum. "That is quite the sob story you tell, Maze. As you so fondly keep reminding me – I am the devil and the devil doesn't forgive wrongs – I punish them!" his eyes bore into hers as he slammed the drink down on the bar.

She softened her tone. "Even as prince of darkness you were always fair, far more so than I ever would have been. Amenadiel did some unforgivable things but he has been trying to make them up to you – if you weren't so obsessed and self absorbed you would see that," she said gently as she got up to leave

At first anger swept over him at her words but then he remembered Dr. Linda's words. Did he really want to be like his father? "Wait, Mazie," he called out to her more softly. "I'll think about it."

She sat back down again. "Am I forgiven for letting Chloe know that she is a danger to your immortality?"

He sighed exaggeratedly. "Is there no end to the betrayals? The detective has already read me the riot act. There is a limit to the devil's good will so don't let it happen again!" his eyes flashed red to emphasize his point.

"What happened with your mother?" she probed.

When he didn't answer she ran her hand over his shoulder.

He ran his hand over his jaw and looked at her. "She did it."

Maze swallowed heavily. "She didn't just pretend? She actually did it."

He nodded.

"Are you going to send her back to hell?" she questioned.

"I don't know," he answered taking another swig of his drink. "I should but for some reason I hesitated. She jumped off the balcony I thought she would be done for but she escaped. She must still have wings.'

Maze breathed deeply. "Be careful. We all know the havoc she wreaked last time she was on earth. You and Amenadiel are her family. Your rejection could bring out the madness again – who knows what she will do."

He looked at her with worry in his stormy eyes. "I can't…I won't forgive her."

She squeezed his shoulder. "There is no reason why you should."

He closed his eyes for a moment. "Where's my brother?"

"I don't know. He was leaving when I came up here. You can talk to him tomorrow. You look like hell – you need some rest."

He downed another drink and shook his head. "I can't sleep."

"There are lots of sexy bodies in Lux tonight. Want me to arrange a devil's threesome? Two of the Brittanys are around but if you want something new I can find it for you?"

An evening of mind-blowing sex was tempting but for some reason the kiss with the detective kept creeping into his thoughts. But then he remembered that she was still trying to fix things with Dan.

"Something new Mazie, but I will do the selections myself."

The phone rang and Maze answered it. "Where? Okay I'll tell him."

"Chloe wants you to meet her at that park by stream? She said you know which one that was?" she relayed the message.

"Oh. That was when I got shot. I guess the threesome will have to wait - duty calls," he informed her with a sudden smile.

She glared at him. It was amazing but as soon as the detective called he perked right up. "Be careful, you are vulnerable near her."

He flicked his hand at her as if brushing away a fly.

"Lucifer, if you die you will go straight back to hell and I suspect Amenadiel will bring your mother there sooner or later. Do you really want to be back in hell with her? Have you thought about that?"

His smile dropped and he frowned. He looked worried as he left the penthouse.

A/N: Thank you as always to all you wonderful reviewers. A week of awesome karma to you all. Isn't the new promo exciting – I especially love that Lucifer has two sessions with Dr. Linda and I love what Chloe said to him.

In the next chapter: A child's body is found drawing Chloe and Lucifer together. Amenadiel is wounded by a surprise visitor (and it isn't mum). Oh and a wet and naked Lucifer ;)