Listen To The Rain

Jade's p. o. v

Rushing into the nearest bathroom I felt a fresh wave of dizziness over powering me the sharpness of the swinging doors scared 3 girls all standing at the sink looking at themselves in the mirrors screaming they all turned to see what had caused the out burst as soon as they saw it was me they ran screaming out insults. Ignoring them I rushed into the farthest stall what the hell was happening?

My chest hurt so bad from the onset of cramps. I had never experienced something so horrible in my life collapsing to my knees. I heaved into the bowel pain hitting me like sharp knives twisting into my very soul reaching into every muscle and tissue cutting my flesh and tearing it out.

Nothing came up even imagines from earlier the feel of his breath on my face the slimy repulsive remembrance of his touch on my skin the pain of him ripping into my woman hood nothing made my stomach came up the urge to vomit the gag reflect was all there the pain was unending but nothing came up.

Tears clogged my throat my face was hot my body cold as I stood shaking pain preventing me from standing all the way just the start of standing caused a new wave sending tremors and sickness through my whole body as I felt something gush between my legs it was a sickening loud messy noise. I felt the wetness cascading down my legs. The sudden mixture of coldness and warmth caused me to shiver.

What the hell was happening? Why did I have such a strong urge to pee? I could barely move but I managed to pull my skirt up and force myself to hover over the bowel.

Dizziness over took me as I forced the cry down it burned I mean it felt like someone had taken a blow torch turned it up to 1,000 and blasted it straight up my private.

How I kept from crying is almost impossible to explain but I thought of Cat her sweet innocent cheerful face and her laughter which was like rain soft and comforting. I listened to it in my mind. It stiffed the urge to cry and scream as everything burned out of me.

I was shaking so bad when I stood to clean myself I almost couldn't finish but I had to I didn't look I didn't dare look down or back just pulled my panties up and skirt down reached back shakily and flushed as I stumbled to the sink.

I was deathly pale I couldn't keep an even breathing pace what the hell was happening? Why did it burn so bad? What had poured out of me? Why did it feel like acid?

Maybe I could die it would be a release. I felt funny I can't even explain as I stood looking in the mirror at the shell of a person I use to be that stood before me. I felt the tears slide out just a little what had happened to me? When did I become this giant Goliath of a bitch that no one wanted to be around. When did I become so hardened that I didn't even notice when Cat ran away she was always my first thought when I woke and when I slept but somehow today she had slipped right past me.

I use to be a happy loving little girl the one that would chase bunnies and was always laughing when I was young, I use to love looking up at the stars and naming them. I imagined rainbows so colorful that if I closed my eyes and believed it long enough I could feel their rays touching down on me.

When I was little I use to love meeting new people I would always run up to them giggling and smiling they would tell my mom how cute I was in my little pink and white sundress with my hair in pigtails.

They said when I smiled I was so beautiful it made their hearts and eyes hurt it was so bright it could light up any dark room and my eyes were always bright and full of laughter.

Mom was always yelling at me not to trust strangers but I did I had no reason to fear or hate them in my pre-school I was always bubbly and sweet I had so many friends I couldn't even name them all but I never stopped trying.

I can see it all so clearly they play out in my eyes dancing across the mirror in front of me, I can see the girl I use to be she's so close I could reach out and touch her.

I see her with her light brown / tinted blond hair in pigtails her head half turned as she looks at something in the distance she's straining to see what's behind her and what's ahead. She's so cute and so sweet she has pink and purple ribbons in her tails their twisted in bows. She has a checkered pink and yellow baseball uniform on she's sucking on a lollipop it's pink lemonade flavored it must have been good. I don't remember my breathing is coming so fast now it hurts to even take a breath. I can feel myself passing out but I hold on what is she searching for? I want to call to her where is she?

I see so much sky bright blue open sky filled with sweet air ..it's taunting me. Air I fucking need it so bad but I can't grasp it...puffy white clouds floating by...I cry out...it hurts to stand I feel weak.

I grip the sink harder .Searching forever searching ..I'm in a field... there's flowers all around...bright perfume scented flowers so colorful I want to hold them. There's something holding me back.

I hear her calling to me who is she? She's a voice inside my head she's warning me I can hear her...my heart is beating so fast I'm scared but I shouldn't be should I?

I was seven … I was at our baseball game Cat and I had joined the Township League Cat was obsessed with baseball Justice was on a team she wanted to do everything he did but she was scared to do it alone she was so shy she didn't make friends easy and I was so bubbly so when she begged me to join, I had no desire to join but it meant so much to her and who could say no to her sweet innocent face? Not me I said yes then when I got out there I discovered how much I loved it.

Mom was working late again we were in the 7th inning stretch we were winning but it was a hard fought battle. It was a clear beautiful day...the sun was out the birds were chirping but I was mad because mom wasn't there no one was not for me. Cat's whole family was there with banners posters a mega-speaker but not one person came out to support me. I was crushed I fought tears back the whole time.

Cat was by my side but she was so caught up in the game and her family even she felt a million miles away.

I wandered off momma always told me don't wander off...but momma wasn't there so why should I do what she said? No one noticed when I walked off why should they? I wasn't important enough for anyone to show up for so why should anyone care If I went missing?

Jade Come with me you look so pretty sweetie

I recognized his voice even before I looked up .. I smiled wide he wasn't around much back then he was off fighting over seas but when he came back he always treated me with sweets and popcorn.

You did awesome out there Jadelyn I am so proud of you I told everyone what a sweet girly girl I had back home and everyone said how cute you looked.

I told them you were tougher then you looked and no one believed me but now I got it on video you kicked butt out there today that was a great homer you scored brought your team right up!

I didn't say anything he was a stranger to me in almost every way and momma always told me not to talk to strangers. His eyes looked kind he looked tired and dirty he must of just come in from the war.

He extended his hand to me showing me the bag of popcorn it was my favorite candy coated pink lemonade sounds nasty but it was amazing. I didn't take it right away.

He sensed my hesitation kneeling in front of me he smiled and looked into my eyes.

Jadelyn my dear it's okay I know you don't know me and that's my fault but that's going to change the Army discharged me so I'm going to be home now we can spend lots of time together.

Your mom said it's okay if I take you home and she said you can have a little popcorn I saved the text message so you can see it.

I eyed him my arms still crossed over my chest as he looked at me sadly he wanted to be my friend he wanted me to trust him. I leaned forward ever so slightly he smiled as I was drawn closer to him. I saw the message.

Jade darling it's okay to go with Jack he'll bring you home after your game try to be nice to him I know you have a lot of anger but he's off protecting our country cut him some slack and yes you can eat the popcorn but only a little you must eat dinner.

Be good my love listen to what he says Jade! I love you and will see you tonight Love Mommy

Her name and number was there it looked real she even put in our fav symbol a heart so I smiled and took his hand.

He gave me the popcorn it was soft and buttery and tasted amazing.

I use to play here as a kid to Jadelyn you want me to show you some spots I loved hide and seek

Sure sounds fun Jack

It will be honey oh it will be...

"Don't go Jade Listen to me!

I span around who said that? Was it Cat? Where was she? Why didn't she want me to go? I was confused. Was it even real?

We went farther into the woods then I had ever ventured but I wasn't scared I had Jack and he protected our country that was a hard job right? I mean I was only 7. I didn't know what it meant but it sounded big hard and dangerous.

So he could protect me right?

He lead me into what looked like a bathroom I was confused. I looked up at him.

I thought we were going to see your hiding spots?

We are Jadelyn but first you need to pee it's a long way and there's no bathrooms beyond this

But I need to get back to the game

It's okay I talked to coach he said since you did so well you could get a break

I don't need to pee I went already

Try just in case

I don't need to go!

Jadelyn it's okay just sit and try

Why wouldn't he listen? I knew my body but he was insisting on it. Do what he said mommy said so reluctantly I did I looked at him I was 7. I didn't need someone watching me go I could do it on my own thank you very much.

Turn around please I need privacy

He sighed shaking his head muttering.

So young yet so independent

I glared at him not sure what that was suppose to mean but whatever I sat and tried to go but I knew I didn't have to.

See I told you I didn't have to go

Before I could pull my pants up he whipped around he looked mad I felt myself shaking. His hand reached up. I braced myself thinking he was going to slap me but instead he grabbed me and pulled me to him smashing his lips to mine.

I tried to push him away but he was so strong my arms felt like they were on fire he was holding me so tight. Why was he putting his lips on mine? It didn't feel right.

Jadelyn I am so happy to be home with you I want to show you something

It's how we say we love someone in the culture I just visited that's one way it's very normal over there

It doesn't feel normal Jack it feels nasty

Your young you have a lot to learn Jadelyn but I am going to show you

You have to be patient and this has to stay between us it's just for us okay?

I didn't want to agree but mom said I had to respect him and listen.

Just close your eyes Jadelyn and let me guide you then I will show you how to play okay?

Ye...s..s..s..s..s..J..a..c..k

I was cold with no pants on and I was scared but I shouldn't of been.

I did what he said I felt his rough calloused hand taking my little soft one he pulled it to him I heard him stand up .

Don't open your eyes Jadelyn till I say to okay?

Okay Jack

He pulled it and slide it over something it was dry and limp it felt nasty cold he started running my hand up and down it and I felt it starting to get bigger and harder what the hell was it? He started making noises why was he grunting and groaning? He ran it up and down over and over the shape was like one I had never held before it was creeping me out I tried not to cry I didn't want to hurt his feelings but I wanted it to be over.

Suddenly I felt something wet all over my hand I was shaking but he let out a sigh and seemed to relax then I felt him take my hand and slide it to my mouth the most god awful taste filled my mouth and I gagged.

Shh Jadelyn it's okay it's a present you made me so happy I had to give it to you drink it and swallow don't think about it. I'm going to make you feel a whole lot better keep your eyes closed baby girl.

I gagged and felt like I was going to throw up but he held his hand over my mouth till I swallowed and kept it down.

I kept my eyes closed what could I think about? I had to think of something what about that new song Cat had sang it yesterday and she sounded so pretty what was it?

I gasped as he touched me down there what was he doing?

He wasn't suppose to touch me there no one was not without my permission. He seemed to be enjoying himself he was touching me and running his hand along my private spot tears burned my eyes but I held it inside. I gripped the wall as he shoved a finger inside of me. It hurt so bad.. I kept my eyes closed as he kept pulling his finger in and out of me while he moaned and kissed me down there. It was gross and I felt dirty.

Cat's voice she was always calming to me conjure up her voice...

I remembered the day before it had been raining and we were trapped inside and I was mad I wanted to play but she sat and enjoyed the rain she told me that even the rain had a story and a reason for why it was there and I needed to listen she kept singing it..

Listen Listen Listen..

I didn't want to listen to the stupid rain I wanted to go out and play.

Her voice though it drew you in she had her eyes closed she looked so pretty just sitting against the sill eyes closed swaying to the beat of the rain and her own tune.

Listen to each drop

Whispering secrets in vain

Frantically searching for someone to hear

Their story before they hit the ground

"Cat they don't have secrets their just drops of water

Jade their more then that close your eyes and you'll hear them

This is stupid but fine whatever I'm bored

I did what she said but I heard nothing except the patterning of rain drops against the house.

Please don't let go

Can't you stay for awhile

It's so hard to say goodbye

That one there her name is Patty she came from New Jersey she's only 10 she's lost she got separated from her parents she's trying to find her way home.

Who would want to go to Jersey? Uh

Jade be nice

What?

That one his name is Josh he came from a long way 2,000 years ago he's a time traveler he's here to warn us about the future.

Sure Cat whatever you say

Listen to the rain

Listen to the rain

Weeping

Her name is Cindy and she's 25 she's getting married tomorrow but she's scared to leave home and go on her own she's marrying Tom and he's gentle and handsome but she doesn't want to lose her parents.

Slowly I closed my eyes as she talked and sang something came over me I felt drawn into this world she had created.

I could hear their pain and struggles feel their hopes and dreams.

I stand alone in a storm

Suddenly sweet words take a hold

' Hurry they say" For You haven't got much time

Open your eyes to the love around you

I did I saw Cat's sweet gentle face her eyes slightly open as she looked out the window I looked down and I felt it before I saw it her hand resting comfortingly in mine. I smiled and leaned my head back as I watched the rain drops dance around outside each having their own story to tell.

You may feel your alone

But I'm here still with you

You can do what you dream

Just remember to listen to the rain

Listen Listen Listen

I felt my legs buckle as something came out of me it was wet and cold I looked up shaking he was smiling as he pulled his face from out from under me.

You did very well Jadelyn good girl

Good girls will be rewarded

Now I want you to taste how sweet you are

His mouth once again covered mine I felt like vomiting again it wasn't sweet it was nasty. That had come out of me? What was wrong with me? Why did I taste so nasty?

Remember this is our secret Jadelyn you must never tell or you will be a bad girl

You don't want the punishment bad girls get do you?

Before I could speak he had me over his knee's and he was smacking my butt I cried out it was so cold and raw it stung and brought tears to my eyes.

I felt his hand caressing me.

I'm sorry Jadelyn but I had to show you how bad it feels to be punished so what are you going to be?

He pulled me up I held back my tears shaking as I looked around.

There was pee all over the floor so that's what had come out of me oh did this mean I was bad?

I was a big girl I was suppose to go in the toilet I hadn't had an accident since I was two what did this mean?

I'll be a good girl I promise

Good baby and what does it mean to be a good girl?

My voice was shaking as I looked at the pee scared.

It means I keep this secret it's between us

Good girl

Jack am I going to be punished?

Why would you say that? You haven't left you couldn't tell anyone yet

He laughed still kneeling by my bare bottom holding me kissing my legs making me feel slimy I pointed to the mess.

Not this time Jadelyn it was a reaction to the wonderful new secret but next time you must control yourself more carefully. Okay?

Okay

One more thing Jadelyn

Yes Jack?

From now on call me by my proper name

I thought Jack was your real name?

Jack is my first name but my proper name is Daddy

So call me Daddy it's our secret just daddy and his little girl

Now pull your pants up and go out and play I'm sure Catrina is looking for you

I ran as fast as I could but the minute I got outside I was on slaughtered with the worst rainstorm I had ever seen in all my seven years.

I stood alone in the rain spinning around tears falling from my face joining in the rain soaking up the drops now I had my own story to tell.

Where would my drops fall next? Would someone ever take the time to hear my story?

"I looked down memories so strong shaking me to the core...what was it between my legs? Did I pee again? I hadn't done that again not since..I was Seven..

It wasn't pee..

Unless pee was now bright red...my hands slipped I tried to hold on I called out but the little girl was gone now drifted off in a faded memory..

Where was she? Would I ever get her back?

Blackness over took me...I was okay with that.

Lyrics belong to Amy Lee from her song Listen To The Rain.

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