"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to our program! This is Cole Henderson, and we got some fresh news for you fine folks!"
Braylon sat on his bed and stared at the robot who was laying on the ground in front of him. He wondered how did a Claptrap unit came here. Yet another mystery to solve.
This unit was colored in cyan instead of standard yellow but the white stripe was the same. From the looks of it, it seems to be in a very good shape and yet it is not active. Braylon decided to bring it back into the academy (of course, without anyone noticing) and try to turn it back on. If it turns out to be a typical Claptrap who has serious problems with dancing well... did you know that moving targets ain't cheap?
Without further ado, he decided to get to work.
"According to a newest report, violent crime is expected to rise even more in Vale, due to shortages of law enforcement. In response, general Ironwood from Atlas has decided to send Atlas military to deal with the problem."
Braylon whistled as he took a screwdriver and slowly opened the panel of the robot.
"In other news... yesterday, an assassination attempt at the head of Schnee Dust Company, Jacques Schnee, was stopped by an unknown third-party, who is presumed to be the one who called the Huntsmen from Beacon. According to an eyewitness, quote, Oum sent a guardian to protect Mister Schnee, said guardian carried a .308 caliber justice dispenser with a telescopic sight. The assassins, which are confirmed White Fang members, were killed by said party, according to the authorities. It is currently unknown how said party managed to escape despite the heavy presence of experienced Huntsmen-in-training."
Braylon chuckled. Everything was fine. But it still doesn't work! Frustrated, Braylon placed a hand inside the robot. When he pulled it out, he noticed that a pair of pink women underwear and a Claptrap plushy were hanging from it. He scratched his head.
"This just in... Residents of a small settlement located in Mistral report seeing a column of light appearing out of nowhere. Apocalypse predictors haven't been this excited since the Great War."
Braylon shut the radio on his PDA and grumbled. Fucking Claptraps. All right. Time for the desperate measures.
Braylon took from his workbench a few things and returned to the Claptrap. First thing he did, he tossed some scrap metal in the insides of the unit, then some bullet casings, some century-old gears, a ruined motherboard, a light bulb, some batteries and an electrode (which he stuck on one of the probably unimportant panels). He then took out his Hard Reboot and emptied a whole clip into the innards of the robot, only to quickly close it all.
Yeah, that should work.
He waited for a bit. After fifteen minutes, he kicked the Claptrap. Nothing.
"Come on, work you son of a-"
BONK!
"OW! WHAT THE ****!" The tin ca... hm... robot started shaking as if having a seizure. It would then jump on his wheel and stare at the wall while waving with its hands. "WHO THE **** DID THAT! SHOW YOURSELF!"
"Right behind you." Braylon replied nonchalantly.
The Claptrap unit quickly turned around and immediately froze in place. His red robotic eye staring at him.
"****! SERIOUSLY?! IS THIS HOW MY SUPPOSED BROTHERS TREAT ME?!"
"Calm down-"
"TELL ME YOUR NAME!" He threatened. "TELL ME YOUR ****ING NAME!"
Braylon sighed as he facepalmed. "Ugh... Braylon."
"REALLY?! WELL **** YOU! FROM NOW ON, YOU ARE FLESHBAG! DO YOU LIKE THAT NAME?!"
Braylon deadpanned. No wonder people hated Claptraps.
"Can you at least stop screaming?"
Claptrap ignored him. "WHO THE **** DO I HAVE TO SUCK OFF TO GET OUT OF THIS ****ING PLACE?!"
"Listen, I am not going to hurt you..."
"YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME? YOU THINK THIS IS A ****ING GAME?!"
After a brief moment of silence, Claptrap saw the plushie and pink panties on the workbench.
"Is... WHOA! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TOOK THAT FROM ME!" Claptrap was surprised. Although you cannot really tell by his voice. "THAT'S ****! WHO SAID YOU COULD DO THAT?"
Okay. Time to end this comedy.
Braylon lifted up the robot.
"WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! WAIT A ****ING MINUTE!"
"Listen up, tin can! If you don't stop screaming and calm the fuck down in the next three minutes, I am gonna take that personality module into a sexbot!"
Claptrap gasped. "YOU SICK ****!"
"Better yet, instead of a sexbot... I'll put it into a dildo!"
Claptrap gasped even more.
"So that you spend your whole existence as a fucking-toy for humans!"
If Claptrap could faint, this was basically it.
"OKAY! OKAY! JUST... please let me down... please? Thanks."
As soon as his wheel could touch the ground, Claptrap quickly rolled to the workbench and grabbed both the plushie and panties. He opened up his "mouth", placed those two things on it and closed.
"If you ever tell anyone about this, I'll ****ing castrate you."
"Right. So... you have any special designation or...?"
"My designation CL4P-TP. For you, fleshbag, it's Claptrap." He replied proudly.
"Alright." He nodded. "Everything good?"
"Yeah, yeah. 's all good! Now get me the **** outta here. I got **** to do."
"Not gonna happen."
"Say whaaaaat?"
Braylon leaned closer. "Listen, we are not on Pandora. We are on a totally different planet, which is not belonging to any corporation."
"Then what ****ty backwater planet is this?"
"Remnant."
"Hm, search results yield no answer for "Remnant". You gotta be ****ing kidding me."
"Yeah, people here are retarded."
Oh wow. Even Claptrap was taken aback.
"Oh boy, fleshbag! I don't think we are allowed to say that word!"
"Claptrap, I am not making fun of differently abled. I am stating the fact that people on this planet are so technologically underdeveloped, they they are de facto retarded. They don't even have gunpowder."
"Okay, that's actually ****ing sad. I feel sorry for them."
"Yeah. And therefore, if they see you, they might freak out."
"Like I give a ****! Let me out, NOW!"
"Ugh... How about this, tomorrow I give you a free trip to the town. Fine?"
"Tomorrow? TOMORROW?!"
"Deal with it."
Claptrap sighed. "Piece of ****..."
"You do know that you robots can't think, right?" He asked Claptrap, who was rolling towards the bathroom.
"You don't ****ing say." The robot replied before he closed the door.
FLUSH!
"Hey! These guys have a working ****ter! Awesome." Claptrap exclaimed, although his voice was muffled.
Braylon facepalmed. He felt like he was gonna regret this decision. Sooner or later.
Well, at least he had a personal robo-butler. Although he needed to modify the "asshole" circuits.
Braylon mentally cursed when the girls walked into the room.
"Where have you been?" Weiss asked.
"Everywhere."
She scoffed. "Well, because of you skipping the class, we were punished."
"...So?"
"I would like to see you being scolded by professor Goodwitch." Yang said half-heartedly as she jumped on her bed. "Wake me up when it's Saturday."
Blake also jumped on her bed. However she decided that she would spend the rest of the day reading that damn books of hers. You know, those that some asshole didn't blow up.
Weiss, like the prideful bitch that she is, sat on a chair and decided to do homework. I guess she has nothing better to do.
Ruby was another story entirely.
She came closer to Braylon.
"Bray..."
"Braylon." He corrected.
"Right, Braylon, sorry..." Ruby apologized quietly.
"What do you want?"
"You know, I was thinking about some projects for your weapons and-"
"Stop."
"But I have them just here with me and-"
"Ruby. Stop."
He then crouched.
"My guns are fine, thank you. No need to worry your little head about 'em. Got it?"
"But I-"
He shushed her by placing his finger on her lips.
"No. Need. To. Worry."
She pouted as she gave him the puppy dog eyes.
"Nice try, Red. Won't work."
She tried even harder. He frowned as he placed his right hand on top of her head, turned her around and lightly pushed her away.
Just then, Claptrap came out of the bathroom... with an oil can in his hand.
"Yo, fleshbag. We're out of lube. Think we can buy some more tomorrow?"
The Claptrap stopped when the girls (minus Yang) turned to the source of the voice.
"Ooohh, right. Retards..." Claptrap said as quietly as he could. "Sorry fleshbag." He rolled back to the bathroom.
"What... was that?" White inquired.
"Never saw a tin can on wheels?"
"****ing heard you, bastard!" Came the response behind the door.
"I don't give a shit!" Braylon replied.
"**** you!"
"Fuck you too!"
"I would if I could, you son of a bi-"
"Can you stop with the profanities?!" Weiss shouted. So much that it woke Yang up, which she imediately took as a sign of conflict and raised her fists in front of herself.
"What's happening?!"
"Nothing blondie, go back to sleep."
She groaned and smashed her head back in her cushion.
"I'm sorry princess. I forgot you want me to use sesquipedalian loquaciousness during our brief exchanges of thoguhts. Got it, old sport." He mocked.
"Hey! Stop speaking like an asshole!" Claptrap shouted.
"Kiss my ass!"
"Shave it, first."
Oh, damn. Even Yang woke up and tried to stifle a laugh.
"Okay, that's it! Now you've done it!" Braylon said as he entered the bathroom. "OH! OH MY GOD!"
He immediately went out with his eyes closed.
"Got karma'd, *****."
"Just wait till I find a sexbot."
Okay... that was awkward.
Yang turned around, surprised. Actually, she was beaming.
"Forget it, blondie!"
"Oh, kinky." She winked at Braylon, who blushed from embarassment.
"Dear Oum." Weiss placed her face in her palms. "I am going to spend four years with them..."
Curiously, Blake blushed. Not surprising, when she reads those stupid books.
"Ew, gross." Ruby complained.
"Can we all forget that this ever happened?" Braylon asked.
"I know who won't." Yang chuckled.
"Anyway..." Braylon seethed. "...I am going to take that robot around town tomorrow."
"Why?" Asked the leader.
"Because that's the only way that will make him shut up."
"I'll think about it."
"Pfft. You kidding me? Since when do I take orders from you?"
"Since when we got placed in the same team!"
"Sorry, kid. Ain't gonna happen."
"But... but..."
"Hey! You better respect my little sis! If she decides to say no, then she means it!"
"Oooh, taking orders from female fleshbags? That's a paddlin'."
Braylon frowned. "I'm not taking orders from her."
"You will."
"Make me."
"Guys!" Ruby tried to calm down both parties. As always.
"Yang, I won't say you are stupid... but when you see the word "concentrate" on a cartoon of orange juice, you can't help but stare at it!" He laughed.
Yang grit her teeth as she jumped out of her bed and right on Braylon. Both were now trying to outmatch each other.
"Please help!" Ruby begged Blake and Weiss, who just sighed in response.
However, Claptrap had other plans.
"Ten bucks on the fleshbag!" He cheered as he opened the door.
Yup. Yet another normal day with team RWBBY.