Title: "Suffer in Silence"
Author: Juana
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in my story they are the property of the CW network and the show 7th Heaven.
Sitting in Café Urth with Martin ,Lily wasn't sure she was qualified to give any advice, but she knew that Martin needed answers and that was why he had entrusted her with his secret.
"Wow…that's really not good." Lily said after listening to Martin's confession regarding Romy.
"And Ruthie really has no idea?"
Martin knew instinctively that he could trust Lily and so he held nothing back.
"She has no clue." Martin admitted.
At first he had felt a little uncomfortable talking to Lily regarding Ruthie and his relationship with her, but Lily, as usual, had done her best to make him feel safe in sharing with her, so he had.
"What about Romy, have you talked to her about this situation?" Lily inquired.
"No. I wasn't sure I should." Martin confessed.
Lily knew Martin too well sometimes.
"Really…are you sure you're not just avoiding it hoping the issue will go away?" Lily questioned point blank.
"I'm not avoiding it; I'm just not sure how to deal with it." Martin countered a little annoyed now.
"If you get defensive, I can't help you." Lily informed him.
"You think you can help me?" Martin said grasping at the proverbial straw.
"I can only tell you what I think, if that helps you…then great." Lily offered smiling in an effort to comfort him.
"I'm in pretty deep aren't I?" Martin said a wounded look crossing his face.
Lily couldn't lie to people, it just wasn't in her nature but if she ever wanted the ability to be able to lie…it was now.
"I don't really know Martin, because Ruthie and I…well we're not exactly friends and I have no idea how she would react to this kind of news." Lily admitted.
"How would you have reacted?" Martin said needing a girl's perspective on this.
Lily thought maybe that was the answer here, putting herself in Ruthie's place, although she had to admit that Ruthie seemed a lot more level headed than her.
"You mean if I found out you had messed around with one of my friends before you and I got together?" Lily said her gut sinking at the thought.
"Sure…yes." Martin said approving the scenario.
"You didn't – did you?" Lily said a little paranoid that this was Martin's way of confessing something to her.
"Okay…no of course not." Martin said the shocked tone in his voice unmistakable.
"Right…sorry." Lily said relieved.
"Judging from your reaction – you would not have taken it well." Martin admitted reluctantly.
"No…I guess I wouldn't have, but I am not Ruthie she might take it better than you think." Lily offered.
"Or she could dump me." Martin said finishing Lily's unspoken thoughts.
"Or she could dump you." Lily said parroting Martin.
"So what do I do Lil? I don't want to lose her." Martin admitted.
Lily knew Martin was just trying to be honest with her but it still stung a little to hear how invested he was in Ruthie, the girl who had ruined them.
"My advice would be to talk to Romy, see where she stands. She might not want Ruthie to ever know this little secret either. "Lily said highlighting the obvious.
Martin clung to that thought for a moment before letting the doubt cloud his mind again.
"Is it good to keep secrets from someone you plan to spend the rest of your life with?" Martin pondered aloud to his ex.
'I guess it depends on who would benefit from knowing the truth." Lily said wisely.
"If it's just to ease your guilty conscience than maybe silence is the better way to go." Because I promise you knowing the truth will hurt Ruthie and it will wreak havoc on the trust in the relationship.' Lily stated truthfully.
"It's not like I cheated on her." Martin reminded Lily.
"No one is saying you're a bad guy Martin, but your past is unfortunately not spotless and the more idealistic Ruthie is about having that perfect guy, then the more likely it is that this is to affect her." Lily said making her point.
"She knows I'm not perfect." Martin said beginning to wonder just how tarnished a guy Ruthie would accept.
"She's a girl Martin and every girl wants to feel like no one could take her place, like without her you would be lost." Lily said wisely.
"I would be lost without her which is why I can't screw this up." Martin interjected.
It was all becoming a bit too much for Lily now. It was one thing to be Martin's casual friend but to listen to him spout off about his deep love for Ruthie…well she wasn't really there yet, in that place where it didn't hurt to know how easily replaced she was.
"I actually have to get back to work Martin so here it is summed up for you, you can either talk to Romy and make a deal to keep this secret or you can trust that Ruthie feels as deeply as you do and that she can overcome the fact that you and her roommate have a bit of a past.
Martin knew instantly from Lily's quick shut down that he had hurt her and he mentally kicked himself for being so thoughtless.
"Lil… I'm sorry; I really do appreciate you trying to help me with this." Martin said hoping his sincerity would ease a little of the tension in the room now.
And it did for better or worse Lily loved Martin for who he was warts and all and she knew that her feelings in this moment stemmed from insecurity issues more than actual heartache at this point.
"You're welcome." She said smiling at him before getting up to leave.
Not too soon after arriving in San Diego Martin and Mac had moved into a new place knowing that Martin's former one bedroom was too small to house them for long. Luckily they had been able to find a vacated two bedroom in the same complex with an even better view of the ocean than Martin's last apartment.
And it was that view that Romy stood looking at when the apartment door opened and Martin came through it, the surprise on his face at seeing her there evident.
Up to this point they both had done an amazing job of avoiding one another, but now he purposefully addressed her.
"Where's Mac?" Martin said questioning his friend's absence.
"He's in the shower." Romy said wary of being in a conversation with Martin without someone in the room to ease the discomfort factor.
Completely uncomfortable himself Martin went and grabbed a bottle of water out of the refrigerator.
It was easy to see that something was clearly on Martin's mind and Romy could guess what that was but she wasn't about to be the one to start "that" conversation.
But as it turned out she didn't have to.
"Can I ask you a question?" Martin asked Romy as he sat down on the couch.
"Sure." Romy said not feeling the need to elaborate any further.
"Were you planning on tell Ruthie the truth about us?" Martin said completely afraid of the answer.
"I think I have as much to lose with that venture as you do." Romy admitted honestly.
"What would you say if I told you that I'm not sure I can keep a secret like this from her?" Martin questioned.
"I'd say it's pretty selfish of you to think I shouldn't have some sort of a say in this." Romy countered annoyed at his thought process.
"I just think things like this have a way of finding there way to the surface eventually." Martin spoke honestly.
"Then they do. But why court disaster. At this point, don't you have too much to lose by telling the truth? Because I know I do. I could lose a roommate and friend and probably Mac too." Romy said informing him that for her the stakes were too high.
"I just don't want to feel guilty every time we're all in the same room together." Martin confessed.
"Hey…that's your trauma; learn to deal with it, because you owe me this. I didn't ask to be the girl you decided to use that night." Romy shot back spitefully.
Martin had had just about enough of her catty remarks and feigned innocence in all this.
"That's ironic since you were specifically recommended." Martin said wishing he could take it back the minute the words were out of his mouth.
"What is that suppose to mean?" Romy said confused but knowing the answer to the question all the same.
"Nothing." Martin said trying to back pedal now.
"Okay…no. If you have something you want to say to me, then say it!" Romy said angry that he was now choosing to keep something secret from her.
"Forget it. I didn't mean that." Martin said reluctant to fill her in.
"Yes. You did…so clarify or I will go straight to Ruthie and tell her every dirty detail of the way you and I really met." Romy threatened.
Martin didn't really know Romy very well but he certainly didn't want to hurt her and he knew what he was holding back would, but what if she did make good on her promise to tell Ruthie the truth? He decided that was a risk he couldn't take.
"I didn't run into you at that party by accident." Martin admitted reluctantly.
'You didn't?" Romy said unable to hide her surprise.
"You have to understand…I was a mess over losing Ruthie when I met this guy in my physics class." Martin started.
"And?" Romy said impatient now, needing him to speed things up as she heard the shower turn off.
"He told me that he had the perfect girl to get me over the slump I was in regarding relationships…he said you wouldn't say no." Martin said ashamed now.
"Wouldn't say "no" to what? Oh…wait…he told you I wouldn't say no to sex?!" Romy said realizing how rhetorical her question had been.
Martin didn't know what to say so he just stood there letting her vent.
"Let me get this straight – you came to that party looking for me for because someone told you I would have sex with you?!" Romy said embarrassment and anger mixed now.
"I'm sorry." Martin said sincerely.
"Are you? Or are you just sorry that you now have to own up to the fact that you went trolling for sex with some random girl?" Romy said her anger with Martin evident now.
"I made a mistake – I was making a lot of them back then. But that's why I didn't sleep with you that night, because I realized how wrong it was." Martin said in admission.
"And I'm supposed to be thankful for that?" Romy said not giving an inch.
Martin knew there was really no right answer to that question but he struggled to find one anyway.
"Who was the guy?" Romy said saving Martin from his own thoughts.
"A guy named Tad, I don't know his last name." Martin admitted reluctantly.
Romy did though, she knew exactly who had given Martin the 411 on her. Tad Kelley aka Derek's best friend.
It was hard enough admitting she'd been making multiple mistakes regarding guys now she had to deal with the fact that thanks to her sleazy ex and his Neanderthal best friend she had a reputation for giving up the goods.
She knew she'd fed into that reputation but deep down she wanted the same things as anyone else she'd just gone a different route to get it.
Martin wanted more time with Romy to figure out if they could mend the rift between them but Mac's entrance into the room stalled any chance of a deeper conversation in that moment.
One thing Martin was sure of though was that Romy had no intention of telling Ruthie the truth…at least not for now.
It had been over two weeks since Lily and Wes had begun officially dating and things were going along great with one small exception.
Olivia still had no idea that her ex and her best friend were an item and it was making Wes more than a little anxious as to why Lily hadn't told her yet.
Wes lay prone on his stomach as Lily sat straddled on top of him giving him one of the best back rubs he had ever received.
And he was really doing his best to try and enjoy it as her hands moved across his back exerting pressure on all the tension filled knots but where her hands were calming and relaxing his body it was his mind that kept him from reaching a state of total peace.
Unable to take it any more he purposefully tried to sit up the weight of her on top of him a small hindrance, but quickly getting the message she moved off of him so that he could fully obtain an upright position.
"I guess my work is done here." Lily said a little taken a back by his quick dismissal of her back rubbing technique.
"I'm sorry." Wes said as he sat on the bed next to her his arm resting casually on her bare leg.
"I really need to talk to you though."
"Okay." Lily said giving him her full attention now.
Wes was a little reluctant to start the conversation not wanting to start a fight over the issue at hand.
"I want Olivia to know about us." Wes said cutting right to it so he wouldn't lose his nerve.
Lily knew that Wes was right it was time for Olivia to know what was going on with them, but truthfully she was afraid that as much as she wanted her to, her friend wouldn't understand.
"I'm going to tell her. I promise you." Lily said hoping to skate past the issue.
"When?" Wes said not letting it die this time like it had so many times in the last two weeks.
Lily knew now that Wes needed a real time and date and she was wholly unprepared to give him that.
"It's not that easy Wes, I can't just schedule a day to drop this bombshell on her." Lily said trying to explain her reluctance.
"It's not going to get any easier for us if you keep avoiding letting her know." Wes stated knowing he was pushing but needing her to do this all the same.
"She's not going to be okay with this and I will once again be homeless." Lily said pointing out some possible pitfalls of Olivia knowing the truth.
"You could just move in with me." Wes offered.
It was a thought which scared Lily more than a little knowing how things had ended up before when she had moved in with Martin.
This time she kind of wanted that space of her own to retreat to when the going got rough.
Ruthie dropped her books on the coffee table and plopped down on the sofa.
Her classes had started and she was pleasantly surprised to find that kids did drop out of some of the full classes and so she had been able to secure a spot in three extra classes giving her a grand total of five, more than enough to keep her busy that semester.
Glancing at her watch she got up quickly and went to the closest to grab a light jacket out of it, she had exactly fifteen minutes to get over to Martin's baseball game. She had planned to take Romy with her but ever since she had started going out with Mac she was hardly ever at the apartment.
As she arrived at the game she ran into her though sitting with Mac and quickly took a seat next to her.
Seeing Romy Ruthie instantly hugged her friend before leaning over to give Mac a hug and kiss on the cheek.
"Long time no see." Romy said as she smiled at Ruthie.
"Well…I'm actually living at the apartment, so the long absence would probably have to be considered your fault." Ruthie said teasing her now.
Although beneath the tease Ruthie was actually a little bit uncomfortable knowing that Romy was staying over at Martin and Mac's on almost a nightly basis.
Ruthie had tried to talk to Martin about it but he clammed up pretty quickly on the subject so she had spoken to Mac who had assured her that he and Romy were not "having sex."
At least not yet.
It was Mac's last sentence that had made Ruthie question how 'in the know" she was on Romy's level of experience. It had after all been a long time since they had actually discussed that subject, for all Ruthie knew Romy might be thinking that she and Martin had sealed the deal.
Ruthie's instinct told her that Romy was no where near as innocent as she had been when she left Glen Oak, but then neither was Ruthie so she was okay with whatever Romy may or may not have done.
"I'm going to go grab a soda and a hot dog either of you ladies need me to get you anything?" Mac questioned.
"I'll take a coke." Romy said.
"Just a bottle of water." Ruthie added.
"Okay. Good deal. I'll be right back." Mac said inching past first Romy then Ruthie.
Martin knew he was watching the stands more than the game but he couldn't help it he was a nervous wreck knowing Ruthie and Romy were sitting next to and talking to each other right now.
A conversation he would have given anything to hear.
It was clear to Martin that unless he got Romy's solemn promise that she wasn't going to say anything he was going to have to tell Ruthie the truth and suffer the consequences.