Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 25: Decisions

"Move in with me, Bella."

At first I thought I hadn't heard him correctly. I mean, I knew things between us had gotten a lot better and had been progressing quickly, but I hadn't expected him to do a one hundred eighty degree turnaround in such a short period of time. This was the man who could barely utter my name without grimacing less than a year before. Still, when I looked into his eyes, I could see the sincerity. I could see the love I felt for him reflected back at me in his eyes.

My pause and shock made Edward wince, but he waited calmly for my answer.

I was still reeling from his offer. There were so many considerations, not the least of which was what moving in with him would mean for our relationship. I had always felt that living with someone was a prelude to marriage, but we'd never even had that conversation. I had no idea what Edward's thoughts on marriage were, but I suspected he would be a little gun shy given his past, which was understandable.

I lay on my side, propped up by my elbow and put my hand on his chest. It wasn't the confirmation he wanted, but it was all I could give, and I hoped it was enough.

"Edward, please don't be upset, but I'm just…I don't know…surprised. I didn't know you wanted this…you know, after Tanya."

His hand moved from his eyes to his hair, but his eyes remained closed. "I want to be the man you need and deserve, but sometimes I'm still freaked the fuck out. But I know I want you with me all the time. I don't want to worry about when we can find time to be together. Plus, you're practically living here already."

It was an interesting choice of words, and it didn't escape my notice. "So, when you asked me to move in with you, you're sure it's what you really want? It wasn't just some post-coital outburst?" I tried to keep my voice light and even because I didn't want Edward to know how affected I was by the potential that he'd blurted out his offer and subsequently regretted it.

He ran his hand down my arm, causing me to shiver. "It's 100% what I want. I know my timing is crap, and that I should never bring up something that serious while we're in bed together, but I didn't want to wait. I've been thinking about asking you for a while, but I never got up the nerve. I was afraid you'd say no."

His words made me happy, but they also confused me. "So then what's got you freaked out?"

I could actually understand because I was just as freaked out as he was – for a number of reasons. I just wanted to hear it from his mouth.

"The fact that I asked you at all freaks me out. I honestly didn't know if I'd ever get to this point again, and to hear the words roll out of my mouth as if I were asking you how you took your morning coffee is unsettling. Unsettling, but good. Very good."

It wasn't the ideal time or place to be having this conversation, but we were alone and his walls were down, and I knew enough to not take the moment for granted.

"Edward, I'm not old fashioned by any means, but moving in together is a big step. I have a lot of considerations. I mean, I've got my house and a mortgage, and there are logistical issues, practical decisions –"

"You're saying no, aren't you? Fuck." He groaned and fell back with his head into his pillow, his jaw clenched and shut his eyes tightly. I saw a hint of the man I'd met all those months ago – closed off and cold. His defenses were up in full.

I grabbed his wrist and pried his hand away from his face. "Hey, don't shut me out like that." I ran my thumb along his forehead and down his face and felt his muscles relax under my touch. "I'm not saying no, but I want to make sure we're on the same page. I don't want to move in with you and make life changes if you don't see us the same way I do."

He softened a little and reached up to brush a strand of hair over my shoulder. "How do you see us?"

"I don't see my life without you, but we're still new. If I do this, I want to know that we're moving toward marriage and not just because it's more convenient. I don't expect that right away at all, but I'm not the type of person who can live with someone indefinitely. Can you see yourself getting married again? After all that you've been through, is that what you want?"

"Honestly? I don't know. I can barely get my head around being in love again. Marriage is…I don't know if I can say when I'd be willing to go there again. I just know that I want you with me. Is that enough?"

Was it enough? We hadn't been together that long, but moving in together was a big step too, and if he wasn't ready for marriage, or if he didn't see us going down that path, was he really ready to have me around all the time?

"Can you give me some time to think about it? I'm not saying no, but I just need to think things through."

He pulled me on top of him and rubbed his hands softly up and down my back, instantly making my body melt into him. "I want you to live here, but I want you to be sure."

I crossed my arms on his chest and rested my chin on them as I gazed lovingly at Edward. He was hurting because he feared my rejection, but he was willing to give me time. I loved him even more for it.

"I love you so much." I pressed my lips to his, and he moaned softly into my mouth. It was so easy to kiss him and forget about everything else. It was my respite from my overactive brain.

I didn't remember falling asleep. I just remembered being in his arms, feeling safe and loved.

The next morning, Edward didn't say anything about the significant conversation we'd had the night before. Not only was his house key a fixture on my keychain, but he was hoping it would become the key to my house. I felt the air thick around us, yet we went through the motions of drinking coffee and making toast as if it were any other day.

I called Rosalie on my way home, not wanting to wait another minute to get her thoughts. She always gave me such good advice, and I sorely needed it right then.

"Bella, you do realize it's not even nine o'clock yet, don't you?" Rosalie's gruff voice gave away the fact that she was sound asleep.

"I'm so sorry to wake you up, but I'm having a crisis. Can you and Em do lunch?"

I heard rustling and then her muffled voice. "Can we do lunch with Bella?"

I smiled thinking of my friends who had been virtually inseparable since I'd introduced them. I'd never seen two people take to each other so quickly and so intensely.

There was more rustling and Rosalie finally came back on the line. "Yeah, we can meet you. Let's go to that new place that just opened up in Calistoga? The one with the cute little balcony?"

I knew the place; Rosalie and I had stalked it out earlier that month. Understanding the competition was vital in my business. "I'll call Alice. Say 12:30?"

I opened the door to my house and walked inside. It was quiet and a little stuffy from being closed up for the entire day and night with no fresh air. Still, it was home, and that comforted me.

I had loved living alone, especially after everything had gone down with Peter. I needed the challenge to regain my much damaged sense of independence. Today, I felt conflicted. Did I really have a home where Edward wasn't?

I pushed that thought aside, knowing I'd have plenty of time at my lunch to be bombarded with emotions and philosophical questions. Instead, I slipped off my shoes and clothes and hopped into the shower. The warm water filled the bathroom with steam and attempted to calm my frayed nerves as it massaged my body.

Butterflies in the pit of my stomach were eating at me. I tried not to let my emotions get the best of me, but I couldn't help it. I felt the tears flowing before I had a chance to stop them. I was overwhelmed with everything that had happened between Edward and me.

Peter had asked me to move in with him before I left New York, but I think on some level I knew we'd never move our relationship forward. With Edward, though, I didn't just want to play house. I could see the life I wanted with him unfolding like flipping the pages of a book. But hearing his story about Tanya made me wonder if his heart had truly mended. He'd reacted so viscerally to me when he first met me because I reminded him of Aro and Tanya and the hurt they'd caused him. But the most nagging question I had was whether I could open myself up even further to the possibility that I could get hurt.

I wasn't going to leave Edward. I'd already established that. But I also hadn't thought much about what our future would look like. I just had my version of it. But what about his? Did he want a wife and family? If not, could I live with that? And then there were my insecurities about Tanya. The last person he lived with was his wife, and it made nervous – even though I knew it was ridiculous.

The morning flew by as I worried and stressed over the decision I had to make. I owed it to Edward to really think this through.

By the time I met everyone at the restaurant, I'd worked myself into a complete frenzy. I had a habit of doing that; going over every possible scenario in my head until I worried myself sick.

"You look like shit," Rosalie said as she pulled me into a hug. "I'd say this isn't your average run of the mill crisis."

I gave Emmett and Alice hugs as well and sat down.

"Is this about him giving you his house key?" Rosalie asked, causing Alice's eyes to perk open.

"His house key?" Alice let her curiosity be known. "He gave you his key?"

I nodded and then buried my face in my hands. "He wants me to move in with him."

Rosalie slammed her fists onto the table, causing several patrons around us to jump. "I knew it! How exciting!"

I rolled my eyes. She obviously didn't get the severity of my concern.

"It's not that simple."

"It's not?" Alice asked, shrugging. "It sounds pretty simple to me."

"It's not like I don't want to be with him constantly, but I'm not even sure he sees marriage in the cards. We'd never even discussed it until last night. I mean I want kids and marriage, and I'm already over thirty. What if I move in with him and he never gets there? What then?"

Alice reached over and rubbed my arms in support. Emmett finished chewing a piece of bread, holding up his finger like he wanted to say something.

"Do you have to decide your entire life right now?"

"No, of course not," I said defensively.

"Look, Bella, you're a planner. It's what makes you so good at what you do. But you can't plan everything."

"I know that."

"Do you?" He raised his eyebrows and waited for a dramatic pause. "You're crazy about Edward, and he's crazy about you. Let me ask you this – do you want to move in with him? Forget about all the reasons not to. Would you like to live with him?"

I thought about my response before I spoke. I'd spent more time recently at his house than I had at mine. It felt comfortable and, well, homey. When I'd come back to my place that morning, my house felt different. Even though I was comforted being there, Edward wasn't there, and I ached because of it.

"I can't just dive in head first, Emmett. There are other things to consider."

"Like what?"

"Like Tanya. You guys don't know the whole story, but she really did a number on him. And what if he never completely recovers?"

Alice chimed in. "Those things are part of Edward whether you live with him or not. It's up to you to decide if you can live with his past."

I'd never thought about it like that, but I supposed she was right. I'd been so focused on how Edward must have felt over the whole thing that I'd never stopped to consider if I could live with it. How long would I be able to wait for him to decide? I knew he loved me, but I wanted a family and what if he never came around? What if he didn't want that?

I set down my fork, no longer able to stomach my lunch. I had to talk to Edward and find out more about what he wanted. It would eat at me until I knew.

"You're one of the strongest people I know," Alice responded. "Don't let your head get in the way of your heart."

"I need to know that we're on the same page. I can't just go blindly into the night."

Emmett chimed in, grabbing Rosalie's hand and giving her a slight nod before he spoke. "When I met Rosalie, I thought she was gorgeous, but I had no idea what was going to happen. And I'm happy to tell you that not only is she the love of my life, but she's going to be the mother of my kid. Life isn't linear. Go with it. Be happy."

I looked at Rosalie, who couldn't hide the widest smile I'd ever seen. She looked at Emmett, and they both looked so incredibly happy.

"You're pregnant?" I stammered.

She nodded and squeezed Emmett's hand. "Believe me, I'm a sommelier, and pregnancy doesn't exactly work with that. But like Emmett said, this is where we are, and I feel so fortunate."

I slumped back in my chair. I was so happy for Rosalie and Emmett, but I was envious as well. They had what I wanted – no baggage, no worries, no overactive brain cells sabotaging their happiness. It was just raw, pure contentment with them, and I could see it all over their faces.

When we were done gushing over the baby news, worry came over me again. Apparently Emmett noticed.

"Whatever you decide, we're here for you."

"Thanks, guys." It was up to me now.

I left lunch with my friends feeling conflicted. I pulled out my phone and texted Edward.

Can I see you? ~B

He responded almost immediately.

Sure. I'm at the winery. Come on by. ~E

I drove the short distance to Masenry and sat in the parking lot for a few minutes to calm my nerves before I headed inside. Carlisle smiled when he saw me, and it was impossible not to smile back, nerves and all.

"Bella, what a pleasant surprise!" He came around the counter and gave me a hug. "I didn't know you were coming in today."

"It wasn't planned. I'm just here to talk to Edward for a minute. He's expecting me."

"I'll let him know you're here." Carlisle was an observant man, and I could tell by the way he reacted to me that he knew this wasn't simply a social call.

He went back around the counter and called Edward. Within a few moments, I saw Edward descending the stairs from his office. His smile lit up the room as he closed the distance between us, pulling me into his arms. I could have stayed there forever.

"Do you have a minute to talk?" I asked nervously.

"Uh, sure." He motioned toward the door, and we walked out into the gardens of his winery. It was really beautiful.

He led us to a bench off the beaten path and sat down. "What's on your mind?"

I could tell he was beginning to get nervous as well. I didn't have impromptu visits to his work often.

"I've been thinking about last night."

He hung his head, already preparing for me to reject him. I reached over and grabbed his hand, needing to comfort him, but not knowing if I could.

"I know you said you moved to New York during school, but did you guys ever live here in Napa together? I'm… just curious." It was probably the least important thing I wanted to talk about, but I just had to know. It was eating at me.

"No. We were divorced in New York, as you said, and I bought this place when I came back. I have nothing of ours – or hers – in my home."

I winced, remembering the story better and feeling bad about bringing up his painful past. "I'm sorry. I'm just being weirdly emotional."

"It's okay. If the tables were turned, and you were the one who was married before, I'm sure I'd have insecurities too. But I don't want you to feel insecure. You have nothing to be worry about."

"I love you, Edward. You know that. But we need to be on the same page. I want to get married and have a family, and I need to know if that's something you see in your future or not."

He continued to look down at our joined hands. "I pressured Tanya to get married. She thought we were too young, but I convinced her it was right. Obviously, it wasn't. I won't make that mistake again. But that doesn't mean I don't see that with you. I just…haven't allowed myself to think about it."

"Because it's too painful."

"Well, yeah. But I do see you in my future."

"What about kids?"

"I never wanted kids. At least not for a long, long time. So when Tanya announced she was pregnant, I was a little panicked. But then the idea grew on me, and I got really excited. But with you, it's different."

My heart sank as his words hit me like a freight train. He didn't want that with me.

He lifted my chin to look at him, obviously seeing the hurt on my face. "That's not what I meant. You…you are everything to me. And if you told me you were pregnant tomorrow, I'd be okay with it."

"Really?" I looked into his eyes and the tears streamed down my face, caught by his fingers gently wiping them away. "I don't want to force something on you that you don't want."

"Like I said before, I forced Tanya into something she didn't want, something that was wrong for both of us. I won't pressure you, but I also won't be pressured myself."

"That's what I'm afraid of – that you'll do this for me when it's not what you really want."

I want everything with you." He put his forehead on my shoulder.

"But last night you said you didn't know?"

"I'm not good at expressing myself; I stuff my emotions down and then I blurt things out. It's hard for me to put words to how I'm feeling. But, I'm not going to lose you. I don't ever want to be apart from you. We may not have a piece of paper binding us together, but in my mind, you're already mine. And I'm never letting go."

I threw my arms around his shoulders and cried happy tears. Alice was right – I was letting my head sabotage my heart. And my heart screamed for Edward.

"I'll do it," I said softly, my voice muffled against his shoulder.

He pulled me back with his hands on my arms. "What did you say?

"I'll move in with you."

His smile made my pounding heart skip a beat. "I'll make you happy."

I put my hand on his cheek. "You already do."

A/N: So, they're moving in together! Big step. What did you think?

Thanks so much for sticking with me. I know it's been a few weeks since I posted. My life has been beyond crazy, but I promise I'm not abandoning you! I appreciate the sweet notes I've gotten.

Thanks to my betas, Viola Cornuta and TwiHart, who turned this around so quickly for me. Also, much love to my pre-readers: sunfeathers, dana1779, scsquared and ellierk.

Until next time…