Food For Thought

A hungry man is an angry man

Elizabeth: Or in this case, skeleton…

Eleanor Lamb: Call me sexist but I like how it doesn't say anything about women…

It was nighttime when Sans awoke on the couch… he went to see the human, the anomaly in his garage… as he went in he noted that no escape attempt was made at all despite the door being unlocked, no proper restraints… and horrible conditions for food and bedding, though that was Papyrus being naïve and ignorant.

Sans: You really are serious about my trust and help…

Jing: Maybe even friendship…

Sans: Alright, let's talk… my brothers probably so excited he doesn't know what to do next…

Jing: Calling Undyne comes to mind.

Sans eyes went out, but this time out of concern instead.

Sans: Seriously? That's the end of the road for the kid you and your friends are guiding.

Jing: I have a plan… but first, I'm out of food and that is really not fit for human consumption…

Sans: Welp, let's go to Grillbys… then we can talk…

Jing: At least now you know why I can't risk telling you everything?

Sans: I wouldn't trust myself either… it was so tempting to just try and end it at you… then hope that would be all that was needed… but I'm glad I didn't break my promise… sides, if you can get up from being dead… that's actually much stronger than re-tries against anyone… which you also can do.

The duo entered the bar/diner hybrid… only greater dog and lesser dog were present… the bar greeted Sans enthusiastically… which he obliged in kind…instead of sitting at the counter however, Sans steered the child to a booth seating away from the bulk of the crowd.

Sans: You know, you got one of the dogs under scrutiny for nearly starting a forest fire, and the other two are hospitalized for ear damage…

Jing: Well, I didn't quite know what was the best way during those encounters, since all I had was footage of my friend showing how much she can do with just a plastic knife… which apparently was slaughter.

Sans: So there's 3 of you in there but only one of you can control the kid at a time?

Jing: Yeah… my friend got here first… we were sent here by an explosion… she was at the center of the blast, whereas we were dumped in after the kid decided to turn on her, where I am… she is out cold now.

Sans: Heh. That seems awfully convenient… even if I trust you, how can I be convinced she won't flip out again.

Jing: I'll make no guarantees, but you have my word I've done everything I could to eliminate a repeat performance, plus in that brief moment the first thing she did out of her coma was beg for your forgiveness for actions in the now overwritten timeline.

Sans closed his eyes as Grillby came over and left a bottle of ketchup on the table… Jing ordered fries and a burger… It was minutes before Sans spoke again.

Sans: On one hand I'd really like to thank you for making Papyrus' dreams come true… on the other, you know it probably isn't the best for him, right?

Jing: …but you'll go with him.

Sans: I have to… you might have sold me, but as you said… no guarantees.

Jing: You would understand why… too many variables I don't know or understand… I even have a hunch who's been mucking with the laws of your existence…

Sans' pupils went out and he gripped the table hard enough for that bit to crack and crumble a little.

Sans: Who, or what? Where can I…

Jing: I'm afraid you're just going to have to trust me to deal with it… Because unlike my friends, possibly this kid… or… it, yes it… you don't have chronological or ontological inertia to remember what you did when time shifts and resets.

Sans: I do have some… I became aware of the manipulations going on… how long I don't know… keep having dreams… of better or worse times, but I can't hold onto them… but others don't even have them…

Jing: I understand how you feel, believe me, in fact who's to say you feel good about this because I might fail or be at the mercy of something more powerful and adept at time manipulation.

Sans: Then let me give you a failsafe to skip the trust winning, if you need to sell yourself to another version of me in the future, say to me, "I am a stupid doodoo butt." Then explain what you've been doing to me.

Jing: You're worse than the old woman in the ruins asking me to talk to a dummy.

Sans: Ha ha ha, but doesn't it take one to know one?

Jing realized what Sans was doing.

Jing: So am I an old woman or a dummy?

Sans: You pick… because we have another bone to pick here…

Sans looked the child in the eyes and Jing realized in that pun was a warning.

Jing: Papyrus needs to turn me over, to Undyne…

Sans: Yes. I'd rather just let you go.

Jing: Don't worry, I can manage…

Sans closed his eyes for a moment…

Sans: Old people don't tend to be afraid of dying, and heroism has a special kind of stupid idealism attached to it… by your giving yourself over to her for Papyrus sake, it's hard to see you not being either.

Jing: A report that I got away just before she arrived won't work anyway… you'll just have to trust me that I'll be fine.

Sans: How do you intend to beat her though? Beat, not kill.

He knew what Sans meant, a killing blow tended to be far easier than incapacitating someone after making effort to keep them alive.

Jing: I'll figure something out… but if she is left in danger after I face her, can you intervene.

Sans: Welp. I would have even if you never asked.

Grillby brought the food over, which Sans paid for immediately…

Jing: Huh… thanks…

Sans: Well, one thing from you I could use then… Undyne has been passing off cooking spaghetti as Papyrus royal guard meeting or training, but her food is as lethal as she is in battle, care to set my brother straight? I know somebody who loves good food when I see one.

Jing: Then I get the couch tonight.

Sans smiled… one that Jing immediately knew was sincere, though all he could see was the transition from forced to genuine.

Sans: Oh… that's easy.

The portly skeleton took another swig from the bottle of ketchup… He loaned Jing an orange hoodie of his, which Jing gratefully accepted and pulled the hood over his head as Sans took him to the city for shopping… including groceries for Toriel and the skeleton brother's household.

Later at dinner time, the skeleton brother's home:

Papyrus: And so that's why my battle body is orange, I didn't know who that person in a bandanna or those gloves was, but he was so cool, and I took after him!

Jing nodded, remembering Sans request not to reveal Papyrus childhood idol was a human… they entered the home and went to the kitchen…

Papyrus: And this, is how Undyne taught me to cook!

Sans put his hands in his pockets and stepped back as Papyrus began his demonstration, which, as it went on, he took an occasional glance at the kid's face and had to start stifling his laughter… barely containing it as Papyrus finished the general cooking, and breaking for his room to howl with laughter and tears streaming down his eyes and the dish was presented to the kid and Jing took his first bite of it. Sans had barely finished his laughing fit when the minutes long silence coming from his home kitchen was finally broken in the way he expected.

Jing: What the hell is this supposed to be?! You feed this to people, they! Will! Die! You got the noodles texture wrong and waxy, the seafood we got is barely boiled on the surface and who the hell slams their tomatoes with their fists?! Did you even wash those gloved hands of yours?! They're orange! I can't freaking tell! All I taste here is onions and garlic! And why the hell do I taste Cinnamon?!

Sans so badly wanted to grab his trombone and provide fitting music but he was laughing so hard he clutched at his stomach… which hurt… he barely heard Papyrus' feeble answer before the child began screaming and shouting in a way one could never expect a child to do so.

Papyrus: Well Undyne…

Jing: Undyne Smundyne! We, are going to get you correct on doing this, and we, will start from 0. Forget anything you know that she has taught you about cooking!

Dinner was late for that night, but it was the greatest seafood Mariana pasta Sans ever had…