It was useless. Eren crumpled down onto the bedroom floor—for the third time this past hour. The boy's chest heaved as he lay there, staring with blank eyes up at the ceiling. He was worthless, Eren was of no benefit to Levi in any way. His damn legs couldn't even be made to work. Though, Eren couldn't really feel them at this point. He still cursed them just as well.

The boy shook, his thighs trembling horribly when he tried to stretch them out against the cool hardwood beneath him. Levi had asked him to do one thing, he had asked him to be a good boy at dinner. That was all. That was literally all he had had to do. But Eren was trash. A slave to however he felt in the moment. He couldn't even control himself for the captain, for the single light in his life.

Eren blinked like he was in a daze, lazy tears moving down past his ears as he lay on his back, spread eagled and sick with fatigue. Eren was tired, tired of the excruciating burn in his thighs, tired of the disappointment in Levi's face, tired of the fear of being put to the streets.

So Eren resolved himself. There was nothing left to do in worrying. What was done was done, and he had overstayed his welcome. Eren could only prepare, ready himself for the vision of Levi dumping him out on the doorstep. It was less painful this way; at least Eren knew it was coming. He would just snuff it out, the warmth he felt when Levi would toy with his hair, the security Levi's arms gave him every night.

Later on, when the wound wasn't fresh, Eren might revisit those times, but now it didn't do him any good. Right now he had to avoid conflict like the plague, especially now as the captain stirred behind him.

Eren heaved himself up and assumed the position again, his legs seizing up as he struggled to set them into a squat before Levi noticed anything. The boy plopped his forehead against the wall, shutting his eyes and refusing to let himself care about anything anymore. He refused to let the creak of the bed send a painful stab through his chest, he refused to stare at anything but the wall before him as Levi stood and opened the curtains to let the morning in.

Eren's cheeks burned and his back straightened when Levi's shadow soon cast over him, the captain's eyes sharp on the nape of the boy's neck. But it was the hand that found itself gently atop Eren's head that spurred on a fresh silent bout of tears.

"You're done, Eren. You can rest now while I make us some breakfast."

The boy stilled his breathing the entire time Levi spoke, relaxing only when the captain had padded barefoot out into the hall and down the stairs. Eren fell into a heap against the wall, too tired and too hurt to even entertain curling up in Levi's bed. He wanted to forget that comfort, that clean smell Eren felt he could always close his eyes to. At this point he really just wished to stop existing.

And so this was best, getting nice and comfortable on the floor, if that was even possible, until Levi's voice rumbled through the house, calling Eren to eat. It was a waste really, as Eren couldn't think to stomach anything right now, but Levi was waiting for him and he didn't need any problems.

Eren rose up wordlessly, the numbness in his arms and legs causing him to more or less slither down the stairs on his belly.

Levi was already seated at the small kitchen table, one leg crossed over the other, his slipper dangling off his right foot as he bobbed it up and down.

"Come on, you need to eat and head straight for a nap," Levi said stonily, cutting off a piece of fried egg with his fork before motioning Eren forward.

The boy crawled mechanically, eyes cast down until he was close enough for Levi to guide the food between his lips.

Everything was wrong, Eren kneeling cold and empty beside the captain's chair. Eren should have been cozy and flush against Levi's chest right now, the captain prying Eren's tired mouth open amidst pleas into his shoulder of "Daddy, let's go back to bed!"

But that wasn't happening. What was happening right now was Eren gulping down every morsel like a pill and just wishing this awkward affair was over. And it was just as well that Eren couldn't see the captain's face because if the stony silence was an indicator, Levi had not lost one ounce sleep over last night's fiasco. And that, Eren was ashamed to admit, made him sick to his stomach.

"No more?"

Levi withdrew the fork when Eren shook his head away, the boy resisting the urge to throw up at this point. It was all he could do to get away now, just all too ready to be alone and far away from Levi as possible. The quicker Eren rid himself of any longing for the captain, the less he knew his chest would throb when the time came to say goodbye.

"Alright, to bed with you," Levi ordered softly, wiping Eren's mouth clean with a flick of his wrist.

Eren padded away without a word towards the den, his head drooped low as he struggled up onto the sofa. But it didn't take long; the relief of sleep came the minute Eren shut his eyes.

And thank God, Eren's sleep was deep, painless, no thoughts or worries. But he stirred, after who knows how long, when he felt the couch sink near his feet. The crinkle of newspaper, Levi's quiet breaths, Eren ignored it all and kept his eyes closed. He really just didn't want to deal with it. The hand that started to massage his calf though, jolted Eren into a tiny ball, huddled up into himself as far away from the captain as possible.

Levi's brows furrowed at the sight, at the boy's anguished face hidden in the cushions.

"Eren, pup, I need to rub out your muscles so they don't stay sore…"

Don't touch me.

Eren remained silent, refusing to unfurl his legs from against his chest.

"Eren, don't be difficult," Levi grunted, reaching over to pat the boy's thigh insistently, "it needs to be done."

Eren snapped upright at the captain's touch, like it burned. He was too tired to be angry with himself, too tired to hurt over Levi. So he slid off the couch without a word and meandered through the house, only finding peace when he felt grass under his hands and knees, the fresh air in the garden reminding Eren to finally breathe.

There was nothing here outside under the sun, nothing to make Eren feel any worse. It was just him and the grass and the sky, it was this that gave Eren at least some comfort for the time being.

So Eren stayed outside the whole day, Levi cracking open the kitchen door from time to time. And his heart would always break a little more as he watched Eren stare out at nothing, knees folded up under his chin. He'd never seen the boy so distraught, so outwardly broken. Levi swore it was like someone had died, and he couldn't help but try and push the pangs of guilt away.

He had to do it, Levi couldn't have just let Eren get away with hitting another child, Pixis' child no less. Levi breathed deeply, his eyes closing as he tugged his hand through his hair. It was wrong, this new Eren, so numb and stony looking. If this were any other day, Levi would watch his boy leisurely from the lawn table, shaking his head when Eren would scramble forward with a handful of snails, all giggles and smiles and light.

But it wasn't that kind of day, and Levi's gut twisted with the feeling that it was all because of him. The captain sighed and stepped out into the yard, stopping just before Eren, the boy huddled against the trunk of the willow tree he loved so much.

"Eren. Dinner is ready."

Levi's voice stung. It was tired and all too done with Eren's nonsense. But the boy lowered his eyes and shook his head anyway, stiffening when Levi squatted beside him.

"You're not hungry, pup?"

Another shake no.

"Well come on," Levi said, almost awkwardly, "I want you next to me while I eat at least."

Eren finally flicked his gaze up at Levi; he just wanted to be left alone, and frankly Eren couldn't understand why the captain was making things so hard. He wanted to forget Levi's face, and it showed.

But Levi stared sternly down at Eren, his extended hand lifting the boy's chin.

"Come."

Eren knelt at the foot of the stairs, eyes on the floor as Levi paused and waited on the first landing.

"Pup, it's bedtime, let's go, we need to say goodnight now."

Eren nodded, padding along in the opposite direction however, towards the hallway past the den. He could hear the captain's exasperated sighs, but he kept crawling, Levi's tired stomping doing nothing to stop him.

The boy slinked over the threshold to the empty room where his basket lay, and had already settled in the woolen blanket by the time Levi reached the doorway.

"What's this," Levi crossed his arms, "you want to sleep in the bad boy room? You don't want goodnight with me?"

Eren nestled down into the basket and let his eyes slip shut, swooping the blanket over his face with a swish.

"Fine." Levi gritted his teeth and turned on his heel. "Goodnight, Eren."

The captain marched down the hallway, his back rigid and his head beginning to pound when muffled whimpers and sobs reached his ears. He knew this was their time, Eren's one chance every night to melt into Levi's chest, content and happy with the world. But now there was no Eren, only a headache from hell and an empty bed.

And that's how it continued, every day and every night. Almost for two weeks Eren would sit alone under the willow, face dull and hollow, until he would retire to his wicker basket. And each day passing gave Levi a hotter burn in his chest. His heart would crack like glass when he would watch Eren turn in, earlier and earlier until the boy was asleep most days by the time lunch was over.

Eren's glow was gone, there was no roundness in his cheeks. His eyes were sunken, hooded, no longer wide and bright and following Levi's every move. There were no happy squeals and giggles in the morning, no climbing up onto Levi's back amid his tired grumbling. There was just nothing.

But tonight was different; Eren had stayed up. And tonight, just around ten o'clock, Eren stopped dead in his tracks when a hand closed around his collar.

"Not yet," Levi said, his eyes determined and sharp, "we're going to have a little chat before bed."

"I don't want to."

The first words Eren had said in days.

But Levi ignored Eren's mumbling and led the boy up the stairs and onto the mattress, his gut twinging a bit when Eren pulled his knees tight to his chest, almost as if to protect himself from the captain's presence.

"Eren," Levi's mouth went dry when the boy shrank away against the headboard, "why did you hit Commander Pixis' boy?"

Eren sat silent, his gaze down on his feet. He had forgotten how soft Levi's bed was, how much he'd missed it. This was his space, this was where he and his captain came together at the end of the day, no matter what. It was here in this bed where Eren had always felt safest, where he knew Levi's eyes and hands were on no one but him.

"Eren, why did you hit him?" Levi pressed, yanking Eren's chin up, his eyes narrowing as the boy continued to defiantly stare down.

"I don't know."

"Yes, you do. Why, after I asked you to behave?" Levi sighed and slid his thumb along Eren's cheek, his heart melting when the boy gave a wet sniffle, the urge to cry painted all over his face.

"I. Don't. Know."

"Damnit, Eren! What the hell is going on with you?! What is it, why are you acting this way?!" Levi roared, "why did you raise your hand to that boy?"

"BECAUSE HE SAID YOU'D LEAVE ME!" Eren screamed, his hand flying forward and leaving an angry red mark near Levi's chin.

The captain sat awestruck before Eren, his jaw slack and his eyes large. He couldn't move, didn't want to move, his skin burning slightly where the boy had hit him.

"…Just throw me out…" Eren panted, his eyes swimming in what little tears he had left, "I can't wait anymore, I don't want to keep being scared. Just do it…please."

"Eren…"

Levi felt like he was having a heart attack. Everything was his fault, the utter misery on his boy's face was his fault. The pain Eren had been shouldering on his own for weeks was all his fault.

"Eren, I would never…" the captain leaned forward to pull the boy, all shakes and choked breaths, into his chest. "I love you, I'd die before I'd ever let you out of my sight, pup."

"You're lying!" Eren bundled Levi's nightshirt in his fingers, "Jean said daddies throw boys who can't behave out on the street!"

"You listen to me," Levi commanded, his voice gentler than Eren had ever heard it, "Don't you ever let anyone convince you that you don't mean the world to me. You understand? You are the most precious gift anyone could ever receive, pup, really you are."

"Do you promise?" Eren's fingers squeezed tighter against Levi's shirt, his words shaking with desperation, "You really won't kick me out? Even though I'm always bad?"

Levi shook his head and tucked Eren's face into the crook of his neck, planting insistent kisses all over the boy's hair.

"You're not bad, piglet. You're just…naughty sometimes. But I promise, Eren, no matter what you do, I will never abandon you. You could burn this damn house down and I wouldn't think for a second to put you out."

Eren closed his eyes and let his body slump against the captain, his muscles finally able to relax after so long.

"I'm so sorry Eren, for not hearing what you had to say. I should have, from the start."

Eren nodded and sniffed, pressure building up in his forehead. But he didn't care. He just wanted to sleep, to really sleep, where he felt safest.

"Sir…" Eren plopped his cheek against Levi's shoulder, "I want to go to bed."

"Mmm? Alright," Levi murmured, his joints cracking as he scooted to the edge of the bed, "let's get you downstairs then."

"No… I want to sleep here tonight. With you."

Eren turned over and pried one eye open, snapping upright at the sight of Levi's empty side of the bed. He was already feeling palpitations, his throat seemed to grow tight. But the boy willed himself to calm down, to think rationally. The captain was probably just training in the yard again, they had made up, there was nothing amiss, Eren was sure.

The boy hopped out of the bed and fished his collar from the drawer, dashing down the stairs and into the garden faster than he'd like to admit. But there was nothing to worry about, because Levi was here, back turned to Eren and kneeling down almost elbow deep in dirt.

Eren blinked in bewilderment but padded hesitantly forward anyway, the captain flinging weeds over his glistening shoulders. The boy cleared his throat and sidled up to Levi's left side, awkward and stiff, not too close.

"…Good morning, Captain."

Levi shook out his hair and slid off his dirtied gloves before buckling Eren's collar gently about his neck. "Morning, pup. You'll be wanting breakfast now, won't you? Are you hungry?"

"No, no, I'm okay," Eren mumbled, his eyes everywhere but on the captain's face, "I'll just wait until you're done, I won't bother you while you work…"

Levi studied the boy's expression sadly. Eren still didn't look whole, his shoulders still slumped a little, like they had for weeks. Last night especially, had been stressful on the boy and Levi was wrong to think that Eren would just bounce back like he usually did.

"I'll just go play over there until you're done, sir," Eren said before skulking towards the patch of hydrangea bushes by the small fountain. His hands and knees moved slow and his head hanged a bit; if Eren was trying to hide the hurt that still lingered, he wasn't doing a very good job.

"No."

Eren paused, turning to look over his shoulder at Levi in confusion, the captain patting his thigh in wait.

"I want you to help me. We'll do this together."

Levi's heart jumped a little when Eren perked up, if only a fraction. It was a start, and the shy smile on Eren's lips gave the captain all the reassurance he needed to reach out.

"What can I do?" Eren asked, kneeling before the raised patch of soil, little granite rocks neatly lining its perimeter.

"I need you to turn the dirt, Eren," Levi said, breaking into the fresh soil with his fingers, "like this, we need to mix it all together with the new dirt Daddy put in. There we go. You keep going."

Eren couldn't break the small grin that rounded his cheeks as he delved down into this new work, he really was surprised Levi would let him get so filthy, but he wasn't going to complain. The earth was cool and soft in his fingers and kneading it like this made Eren's troubles slip far away. But Levi's presence, his breathing, just being near, stirred something in Eren that he had tried to forget.

"Alright, pup, that's enough, now I need you to dig little holes for these," Levi held up a small seedling, only a few inches tall and wrapped in a piece of burlap, "Try to make me two rows with three spaces each."

Eren dove right in, happy to burrow away in the soil with his hands. His tongue slipped between his teeth as he worked to make each hole symmetrical, spacing them out evenly like Levi instructed. And as small as this task all was, Eren felt more fulfilled the dirtier his fingers got.

"And now, we put this inside," Levi set each little seedling in place and took Eren's hands in his own, helping the boy to pat the dirt gently around the stems, "not too tight, the soil should be loose so our tomatoes can breathe."

"Yes, sir…" Eren felt his fingers go limp in the captain's hands, he just let Levi guide him, the gentleness warming the boy's chest. It's what he'd missed, Eren just wanted Levi to hold him forever, to be there next to him always.

"All we need now is to water them and get you cleaned up for breakfast," the captain rose to his feet with a grunt and dusted off his shorts before he made for the watering can near the kitchen door.

"Sir, wait!"

Levi raised a brow and squatted down before Eren, the boy wringing his hands and knotting his brows at the ground.

"Ah? What is it, piglet?

"Well…" Eren shifted uncomfortably about on his knees, doubting if he was honestly in the position to be asking for anything right now, "this was really, really fun…and I want to do it again…maybe…if that's okay."

Levi blinked and let his face soften a bit. "If that's the case, we're going to get you your own planter box. Tomorrow we'll build it together and it will be only for you."

"Really?" Eren's face glowed and his hands balled into excited fists. "I can plant my own things?"

The captain nodded and pinched Eren's cheek. "Anything you want, pup. You'll take care of them and help them grow. It'll all be up to you."

Eren lunged himself at Levi's legs and wrapped his arms around them, only for a moment though, before he snapped away like he'd touched fire, the boy's head lowering demurely.

Levi sighed and threaded his fingers through Eren's hair, shaking his head when the boy scurried away towards the bath he knew he needed.

"…You're welcome, Eren."