Umm...so you guys must really hate me for keeping ya'll waiting this long; at least I figure. Writers block was one of the main causes. I hate it, but I didn't want to write just anything so...you can say I took a decade.

Anywho I kept everyone waiting long enough so just go ahead and read on.

Never shall I ever own Victorious.

Chapter 23

My hands are burning from the hot plain mug I'm clutching tightly; the aroma of black coffee strong in the air along with the smells of breakfast morning wafting from the kitchen of the old diner. The silence between Kate and I lingering as I stare outside the window watching the rain start to strike the glass another day nonexistent from the dark gloom, an uncommon sight in sunny L.A.

"Jade?" Kate's voice sinks in and I turn to direct my attention to her.

"Hmm," I mummer.

"Your order," she replies simply as I take notice of the late thirties woman with her notepad waiting on me.

"Sorry um I'll just have...um," I fumble through the menu on the table in front of me not knowing what to order.

"She'll have the same thing as me," Kate intervenes with a small smile on her face saving me the trouble.

The waitress, Rachel, as her name tag displays, kindly returns the smile, "Okay two Sunny L.A. breakfast specials coming right up." With that she leaves us alone disappearing behind the door that leads back to the kitchen.

We stare at each other, Kate's electric blue eyes trying to silently assess me. She clears her throat grabbing two pink sugar packets, "Here you haven't fixed your coffee yet."

"Thanks." I take the pink packets from her and begin to prepare my usual. I don't look at her as I do, but I can feel Kate watching me; waiting for me to explain my almost sudden breakdown back at Hollywood Arts. I keep my mouth shut though unsure of myself, unsure of what's wrong with me. I grab the silver spoon and start to swirl the black hole in the cup the clanging noise soothing me.

"You know this is the same exact spot where my dad left me."

The clanging of my spoon stops as I look up at her not expecting for her to say what she just did. My eyes grow slightly, "In this booth?"

She nods, "Yeah."

"What happened," I ask softly. I'm not entirely sure if Kate wants to tell me the full story, but why else would she bring it up?

She picks up her cup of coffee and sips on it setting it down gently on the table her eyes never leaving me as she does. I can't help, but get the feeling she's wondering if I can be trusted.

In her moment of hesitance I speak, "It's okay you don't have to-."

"I was eight," she reveals pausing as I become silent. "My dad, he asked me if I wanted to go to a baseball game with him like we usually always did together. He took me out to that baseball game and man it was one of the best," she pauses once more with a bright smile on her face recalling a sacred childhood memory.

Her smile doesn't last long though as she starts up again, it slowly disappears off her pretty face. "Then we came to this diner like we always did after a game. We ordered our food and ate and talked like normal. Everything seemed fine nothing felt off you know. Later on, he excused himself to go the bathroom, and I sat in this booth eating my pancakes waiting for him to come back. Minutes passed and I still didn't think anything of it. Not until an hour passed and I just sat here staring at my catcher's glove with the ball I caught that day."

When she takes another steady silence, I can picture the eight year old Kate across from me with the same look she has now on her face. She traces the rim of her coffee mug with her index finger quietly and eyes looking downcast. "More time passed and finally the waitress comes over asking me where my mom and dad are. I tell her I don't know. From there I end up telling her the number of my brother's. She makes the call and I wait still in this booth. The lady felt so bad that she brought me a sundae free of charge. I didn't really eat much of it though...and eventually my brother shows up walking over to me with a sad smile on his face. He squats down, grabs a napkin and cleans my chocolate covered face. All the while I'm trying not to break down crying because without even asking him I knew my dad was gone for good."

Kate stops and runs a hand through her sandy blonde hair making it look disheveled. She sighs, "I remember when he said "Let's go home kid," that I threw my arms around his neck and finally started balling like crazy. That is all I remember that day. I think afterwards I probably fell asleep the rest of the night from sheer exhaustion."

"Kate- I'm so sorry," I breathe out taking a pause. It sucks when the only words you can say are 'I'm sorry' because truly they aren't enough to mend even the most tattered of hearts. My dad may not have left me at eight, but he sure as hell did abandon me later. The only thing people can do is try to console you on your troubles, and even then the grief lies there down in the darkest pits of your heart building until all that's left is resentment. I wonder if Kate sees it that way...if she hates her father like I do mine. I resume, "I really am sorry. You know you didn't have to tell me..."

I trail off as she picks up, "I know- The difference is I wanted to."

I knit my brows close together, "Why?"

"Because I'm choosing to trust you Jade. I know you're someone...that trust doesn't come easy to. I don't expect you to open up to me about deep personal things, but- I want you to know you can."

"So what, are you exchanging one of your secrets for mine? Is that it," I reply back with a biting tone. I don't mean to lash out at Kate, but I'm angry and there are so many emotions coursing through me right now that it's hard to just focus on one.

"No, I'm not trying to rope you into telling me anything. I want you to feel that I'm the right person to talk to Jade. Whatever you're going through," she trails off avoiding my eyes and looks down at her hands placed on the white table top. I don't say anything waiting for her to continue. Kate takes in a breath and sighs, "Truthfully I don't know if I can help you. If whatever is wrong can be fixed...but Jade I just want to understand why you're hurting."

She lifts her head to look at me again our eyes connecting. "Every time I look at you...there is so much pain. Pain that I know you constantly try to hide away. You're fighting something," she finishes softly her words penetrating down to my core.

I bite down on my bottom lip knowing that she's right. My eyes tear up slightly. "I hate you. You know," I say with an empty laugh not really meaning those words. From the way she's watching me I can tell she knows I'm joking too. I take in a breath and blow out taking my hands off the hot mug that I hadn't even noticed I was clutching onto. By now my pale skin must surely have been left crimson. I wipe a small escaping tear from my left eye. "Around you...I can't keep up an act. With everyone else it's so easy to just lie, to pretend. You see me better than anyone Kate...and that fucking scares me."

I remain staring at her; sandy blonde bangs covering her eyebrows the tiny wisps of hair close to her eye lids leading a direct trail to those hypnotizing blue eyes that anyone can get lost in. She gazes back at me intently her features serious. "So do you feel you can trust me?"

I stay quiet for a couple seconds contemplating the fact that all I have to do is let down my guard. Allow Kate an entrance to my steel walls. Let her behind the scenes where she can watch my personal tornado spiraling on top speed. Would she stay when she finally sees all the chaos, all the damage?

I follow my intuition the feeling inside my chest that's making my heart beat faster. "Yes," I exhale with a steady voice certain beyond measure that there is something between Kate and I that I don't share with Beck. The only person who comes close to rivaling this feeling with Kate...is Tori.

Before Kate can respond to me, Rachel approaches us with our orders and two other servers behind her helping bring the food out. They place the food down in front of us my eyes roaming over the biggest breakfast I have ever seen in my life. Even though I wasn't hungry before can't say I'm not now. The food smells so good from the blueberry pancakes, to the sunny side eggs with bacon on the side, to the strawberry French toast, and hash browns. That doesn't even begin to cover the rest of the food like the fresh fruit and the freshly squeezed orange juice.

Rachel and the other two servers tell us to enjoy leaving us to attend to other customers. "Whoa when she said Sunny L.A. special she wasn't kidding. This breakfast can feed a village."

Kate chuckles, "Yeah it's a lot, but its super good trust me." She tenses up at the realization of her last words reminding us both where we were at a minute ago. "I'm sorry," she replies sheepishly.

I shrug my shoulders. "It's fine. You must trust me a lot if you were willing to bring that up. Do you mind if I ask you two questions though?"

She takes a drink of her orange juice and sets her glass down."No I don't mind. I'll answer any questions you have, but eat up first. Food is going to get cold."

I chuckle, "Okay mom."

She shoots me a disapproving look cutting a piece of her blueberry pancakes and taking a huge bite. Kate points the fork at me and through a mouthful says, "No sassing me young lady."

I laugh hard, "Charming Kate. Very charming didn't you learn to eat with your mouth closed. I thought you were the adult in our relationship."

She manages to swallow her food as she tries not to choke from her laughter. "I am the adult here and as the adult I say be quiet before I punish you."

She reaches for her glass of OJ and starts to drink. I smirk back wickedly biting down on my lip and quirking my pierced brow. "What kind of punishment? I like pain as long as it's the good kind," I purr out seductively. I guess I shouldn't have said that because as soon as I finish Kate begins to choke on her orange juice.

She turns a bright shade of red and slaps her chest to help ease the discomfort. I know for sure that wasn't the only reason she turned red. I chuckle, "You okay?"

Kate only nods back coughing a bit. Her voice coming out raspy once her coughing ceases, "Eat. Talk later."

My smirk stays in place as I begin to dig in to the most amazing breakfast I have ever tasted.

20 to 30 Minutes Later

I take my last bite dropping my fork with a clang on my plate.

Kate smiles setting down her glass. "I assume you're full."

I smile back my mind completely away from my troubles for the time being. It's strange how when you bond with someone that one person can take your mind off any of your worries. "I'll be full till Thanksgiving comes around."

She chuckles and gazes at me her pretty features highlighted by the rays of the sun streaming in from the window. My eyes shift to the day outside again, but this time the dark clouds and heavy rain are no longer present. The sun has reappeared after being gone for a day and the puffy white clouds are floating on blue sky.

Kate's voices make my head turn. "Hey how about we go somewhere?"

"Like where," I question with my head tilting to the side.

"How about my house?"

"That's what you call your idea of lets go somewhere," I ask with a small laugh.

She laughs along. "Well do you know of any places open this early?"

I glance behind her at the vintage neon clock mounted on the wall with the words "Don't Worry Be Happy" if only it were that easy. "You have a point it's only 9:00 a.m."

"So my place?"

"Yup," I pop the "p" and nod my head.

"Okay then let me just-."She fidgets in her seat retrieving her wallet that she carries in the back pocket of her jeans. Kate starts to take out her money to pay for our food when I stop her. "Wait hold up. One, we are splitting it so don't even think about paying for my whole meal Kate Connors. Two, you haven't answered any of my questions yet. Are you trying to avoid them?"

She closes her old leather wallet and laughs. "I'm not avoiding your two questions Jade. Go on ask me before we pay."

I squint my eyes at her suspiciously, "If you say so."

Kate chuckles and leans back into the red booth. "Shoot."

"Okay were you and your dad close?"

She smiles wide and nods her head. "Yeah we were really close. He took me everywhere with him whether it was work, the park, baseball games, the movies, my old man really loved me."

I give her a weak smile slightly hesitant about my next question. "Then why did he leave?" It was the million dollar question that had been burning through my head ever since Kate mentioned her dad had left her here at this diner. If he really loved her...why didn't he at least take her with him?

Kate stays quiet her face still lit up from her bright smile before, but in her eyes I can watch that sparkle dimming. That same light that has made me grow fond of her just almost going out like a candle flame. I instinctively reach out and place one of my hands over hers regretting even deciding to ask any questions at all. I shouldn't have pushed. "Kate, I'm sorry. Let's just go. You don't have to answer that. I'm stupid for even asking any questions at all. I'm sorry."

I start to pull my hand away from hers ready to stand up and leave, but she surprises me by intertwining our fingers together. "No it's okay Jade. I just needed a minute...umm my dad he did love me. It's just my mom she- she drove him away."

I nod in understanding raising our joined hands to my lips. I press a gentle kiss on the back of her hand her fair skin soft and not rough like Beck's. I don't push any further knowing when the time is right Kate will talk more on her own. After all I know she'd do the same for me. I place our hands back down on the white table top keeping them linked. "C'mon let's go to your place."

We stand up detaching our hands and leave the old booth behind along with the memory of a broken eight year old Kate. Once we finish paying and begin to make our way out of the diner our hands reconnect causing my heart to beat excessively fast.

Kate's House

I'm waiting on the vintage dark gray sofa for Kate to return from the kitchen. Soon enough she does bringing me a glass of water like I had requested.

"Here you go," she hands me the glass. I take it carefully in my hands staring down at it. I can feel her take a seat close next to me. If it was anyone else besides Kate right now I would have already pushed them off the couch, but I don't mind her being close. In fact I like her being close it makes me feel something; butterflies swarming around in my stomach. "So you okay? I mean back when we left the diner you said you were going to tell me something when we got here," she questions with concern in her voice.

I look away from the glass in my hands and turn my head to focus on her. "Umm...yup I did say that. Just give me a minute...or two maybe."

She nods, "Take your time."

My god I can't believe I'm going to tell her. Where do I even start? I raise the glass to my lips and hurriedly down the clear cold liquid.

"Whoa slow down there. Don't wanna choke."

"Ahh," I let out in approval setting down the now empty glass on the coffee table. "That was refreshing," I awkwardly chuckle.

She laughs in response and arches a brow in curiosity. "Jade you're acting strange? She takes a pause and adds on. "I mean stranger than you already are of course."

A shaky laugh escapes me, "Of course." I pause staring at her contemplating how to say this. How to explain everything that's crashing inside me? Beck's a problem, Tori's a big issue, and even Kate is part of the equation. How do I solve an equation that can potentially cost me people I really care about? It's not simple math. Life never is an exact equation that has one correct answer. People's emotions get in the way creating multiple choices that affect the overall outcome. "Kate. I- I appreciate that you talked to me about your dad...and well I want to confide in you too. It's just- The last time I trusted someone, let them see aspects of me...that person left me."

She waits a second studying me with her eyes. "I wouldn't ever dream of leaving you. I can guarantee you Jade that I will always be here if you need me."

"Are you making me a promise Kate?"

"Do you believe in promises?"

"No, no I don't. I don't need a promise from you. Promises aren't good to me. All I need is for you to listen. I believe in effort."

Kate nods. "I have to earn your trust."

"Some of it yes, but just prove to me that you won't leave. Who knows maybe you'll change my outlook on promises."

"I hope so."

A small smile perks at the edge of my lips from her words. My phone sounds and I retrieve it from my black denim jeans pocket staring at the text. The words a reminder of my mistake, "Hey Babe where are you? Tori said you were here, and then you left? Call me please." - Beck

Beck talked to Tori...which means she covered for me. He trusts me, believes that I wouldn't ever betray him. Then Tori... God, she's his friend and I- I did this. I'm the one who fucked it all up. My eyes begin to burn as the memories from last night start to flood me.

"Jade," I feel Kate place her hand on my shoulder. "What's wrong?"

I shut my eyes tight wanting to keep the tears in. I hate crying and for weeks I've tried holding it all back, but the dam wants to break. I crush the phone in my hands wishing it would crack and cut through me so I wouldn't feel this pain...so that I could focus on physical discomfort rather than this mental one. The emotional pain the most unbearable kind because your throat dries and sometimes you want to scream, cry out and let it all rip all through you. Yet at the same time it won't...you don't let it because it hurts too damn much, and there is no remedy for what attacks the heart, the soul. "I didn't mean to."

"Didn't mean to what Jade?"

My eyes remain closed, but I can still see. I see that night in the car when I first kissed her...when I made that first move that has lead to all this chaos now. "I should have stopped myself but- It's like I couldn't fight it."

"Talk to me Jade, whatever it is say it. Don't keep it inside anymore."

"I don't think I can," I say with a gulp that's hard to swallow that feels almost cemented in my throat.

"Yes you can, just take a breath, count to three, and then just say it." She squeezes my shoulder, "Don't hold back from me...please."

I stay quiet my body shaking as I try to suppress a sob. I don't want to open my eyes and face this problem. All I want is to disappear. Fade away until I'm no more. Kate's hands find my own. I feel her warm fingertips tracing over my knuckles her touch soothing and a reminder that she's here. My lungs are working hard to attempt to breathe easily, but I don't manage as finally my breakdown crashes over me in waves. I open my eyes meeting electric blue and the tears tumble towards my cheeks running down. "I cheated on- Beck," I utter my voice cracking on his name.

She looks at me her magnetizing eyes calm. "And he doesn't know. Does he?"

More tears slip and descend. "No. I'm such a fuck up."

She shakes her head, "No you're not."

I sniffle, "You don't know who I cheated with Kate." I bite down on my lip hard and close my eyes once more picturing Beck's face. His chocolate brown eyes so trusting, his smile a constant one even around me, he's a good guy and- I should have put him first, he never deserved me going behind his back like this. I open my eyes and say what's on my mind, "The fact that I'm lying to his face makes everything even worse; especially after our anniversary yesterday."

She gazes at me in quiet contemplation as she removes her hands from mine. I watch her puzzled by her sudden change in attitude. Kate's expression soft one moment ago and now distant. I look away and back down at my phone in my hands wondering if she thinks I'm a slut. If she thinks I'm a bad person? I hear her sigh, "It was Tori wasn't it."

I tense up my body stiff. How did she know? I find her eyes a slight melancholy within them, and for some strange reason I know I haven't just hurt Beck and Tori. In a way I think Kate's hurting too, but the reason is unclear to me. My chest heaves a mess of racking sobs coursing through me as I let myself fall apart before her.

"Jade," she utters my name in concern. Kate pulls me into her and I let myself cling to her my tears not seizing any less as I tremble roughly in the closure of her arms. She coos into my hair trying to calm me. "It's okay, it's okay Jade. You couldn't fight it anymore. I understand okay?"

I bury my face in her neck as she begins to stroke my hair. My voice coming out muffled, "You don't think I'm a horrible person?"

She chuckles weakly, "Jade West a horrible person?" I retract my face from her neck to watch her expression of what she thinks of me. Her hands are on both sides of my arms holding me still and steady. She shakes her head, "Nah, I don't see it." Kate places both her hands on my face cupping my cheeks and wiping away my tears with her thumbs, "In fact I think you're the most beautiful girl inside and out."

A small laugh escapes me, "You are just saying that to make me feel better."

She smiles back wide her thumbs still caressing my cheeks. "No I'm not. Remember I said that there is a bit of a sensitive soul-."

I cut her off sending her a barely noticeable glare, "Don't."

She chuckles quirking her brow, "Or you'll punch me."

I nod leaning further into her gentle touch, "Yeah I will."

She scoots close to me brushing some of my hair out of my face and tucking it behind my ears."I think I'll take the risk. Jade West is sensitive even if she doesn't want to admit it."

A small smirk graces my face as I roll my eyes. I lean into her again Kate's arms wrapping around my upper torso and my arms encircling her neck. I embrace her tightly as she returns the affection. For a while we stay this way just holding onto each other until questions begin to surface in my head."Kate how did you know," I ask her now calmer than a few minutes before. She pulls back a little to look at me my arms loosening around her neck. "How did you know it was Tori?"

I feel her arms drop away from me and I follow reluctantly removing my arms off her. I inch away from her just a little on the sofa as Kate stays quiet looking at me with concentrated eyes. "I knew because- The way you look at her. It's not just animosity between the two of you. It's something more- and other people are blind to it, but I observe what others fail to notice."

I nod my head and let out a sigh running a hand through my hair. "You're right. Vega and I share a past and no one knows about it except for us." I pause thinking back on our childhood together then add on as an afterthought, "And well you now."

She chuckles a little, "Only because you told me if not I would have never suspected you two actually had history together."

I grin a little in response, "Yeah Vega and I have known each other since we were five." I adjust my body to face her more and tuck one of my legs under the other. "We were actually best friends once...remember I said this person left me?"

Kate's electric blue orbs grow in surprise, "That was Tori...wow umm...what-."

"Happened," I finish for her my grin disappearing. "She chose to be someone else's friend. Can't say it's completely her fault though- I drove her away." Kate keeps silent watching me with somber eyes. I clear my throat, "Anyways that's the short version of the story."

She nods, "What about now?"

I tilt my head, "What do you mean?"

"Do you still want to push her away? From what I can see you are still trying to keep her at a distance, but this time you both did something you two probably haven't fully processed."

I purse my lips in thought. "I didn't sleep with her. We kissed...a few times, but that was it. As for keeping Vega at a distance can you blame me? I'm with Beck...and having her near me- It makes me become reckless."

"How exactly?"

"I have no self control when it comes to her...I give in when I'm not supposed to."

Kate grabs one of the black and white square pillows next to her and places it on her lap. "Is that so wrong?"

I shoot her a confused glance my eyebrows digging downwards, "Yes. Yes it is Kate."

She cocks her head to the side, "Why?"

"Did you miss the part where I said I'm with Beck?"

She chuckles lightly rubbing her hands down the pillow on her lap. "No, but why don't you just break up with him?"

I knit my eyebrows in thought considering her words shortly."Because-because it's not that simple," I reply back.

She shrugs her shoulders in a cool manner, "Or is it?"

"Kate." I narrow my eyes at her disapprovingly.

She laughs nervously, "What? All I'm saying is if you really like Tori then why stay with Beck?"

I snatch the black and white pillow off her lap placing it on my thighs and slapping my hands down in frustration. I sigh loudly, "Because he's what's good for me. Beck's...the right guy."

Her expression turning into one I can't read a poker face. "And is that what you want to be with Beck? With a guy?"

I grip the pillow on my lap tightly with my hands and shout out, "I don't know!" I throw it across the living room in anger and it lands almost inside the kitchen area. "What's with all these questions?"

Kate stays calm not fazed at all by my sudden short circuit. She simply gets up and walks over to retrieve the pillow from the floor. When she returns she waits standing up and handing me the pillow.

I pout in shame and quietly apologize taking the pillow from her hand. I crush it to my body hugging it tightly like a small child. Kate grins sitting back down, her body fully adjusted to face me with one of her legs on the vintage dark gray sofa and the other hanging off touching the floor.

She places a hand on my thigh. "I'm just trying to help you Jade."

I lean my body a little towards her the contact of her hand on my leg burning through my black jeans. "Help me what?"

"Understand what you're going through."

There is a brief pause between us as she watches me with drugging blue eyes before I swallow uneasily a burning question on my mind since the moment I met her. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure," she says in a low tone.

"Kate, do you like- girls?"

She smirks a small blush rising to her cheeks, "What gave you that impression?"

I smile timidly in response blushing myself as I fidget with the pillow."I don't know...the way you act and dress."

Kate's smirk turns into a toothy grin. "You can say it Jade it's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm gay."

I blink rapidly almost feeling disorientated by the mere word. It's not like I've never heard the word gay said aloud before, but it's just hearing Kate say that she's in fact a lesbian excites me. "I just didn't want to label you and offend you."

She laughs and my stomach does a weird somersault. "Well rest assured you haven't offended me any. I always wondered if you were going to catch on eventually, but I just assumed you knew already."

"I mean I thought about it, but it's rude to ask people 'hey are you gay' just randomly."

She nods, "Yeah depends on the circumstances, but we are good friends so I wouldn't have gotten mad."

I smile, "Good to know I guess."

"So now back to you."

I groan, "Can't we just give it a rest and watch a movie."

"We can do that," Kate's face lights up with a small smile. "Only after we talk about you," she pokes my shoulder gently.

I roll my eyes and sigh defeated knowing she's not going to let this go. She's pushing because she knows I want to drop the whole entire thing. Kate cares...and at least she does. That gives me some sort of hope that I'm not alone as I feel. "Fine."

"Okay good. So back to the subject on Beck..."

I look away from her eyes and bow my head down really not wanting to relive the night before.

"Look I know it makes you feel low thinking about it...but you have to face the music Jade. Can't run forever."

I place one of my elbows on the black and white pillow resting my jaw on my hand. "Try more like scum- and Kate has anyone ever told you you're just a tad cheesy."

She laughs and tilts my chin up our eyes connecting. "Yeah but it makes you smile though right?"

I smirk a little. "Yeah, yeah it does, and I see your point."

The corners of her mouth rise slightly and she stays quiet gazing at me. "Do you want to be with Beck," she asks again in a whisper. "With a guy in particular..."

I don't say anything for a few minutes really pondering her question. Do I want to be with a guy? That question seems so absurd like it's what I should want because it's the norm, but the truth is...I don't. I don't feel a shock course through me with Beck's touch, I don't feel my heart racing like a machine when he's near, and I didn't like it when he-. A tear escapes and slides down my cheek as my voice comes out faint, "No."

Kate wipes it away for me with the pad of her thumb slowly her expression still and watchful. "Why are you crying again?" I blink and more tears slip away as I stare at her transfixed in silence. This time she doesn't wipe away my tears, instead she lets them run their course. Kate opens her mouth to speak, but then closes in hesitation. I notice her gulp before she mutters lowly, "What did he do?"

My eyes amplify in size and I can feel my pulse painfully thrumming in my veins. Her blue crystals shatter in concern. "What. Did. He. Do," she punctuates her words in alarm.

I bite down on my lip hard and squeeze my eyes shut trying to keep in control, but it's too late; the memory of last night already playing on loop in my head. I try to speak calmly, but choke on my words my voice breaking. "He- He didn't-." I gasp for air, "I- I let him..."

Kate doesn't say anything instead she earnestly pulls me into her once again and I, like before, hide in her arms letting her see a side of me she's never seen before.

9:00 P.M. At the Aquarium

I'm sitting on the bench watching the fish swim back and forth the aquarium empty since it's almost closing time. I figure I only have thirty more minutes left. Thirty minutes more until I have to leave this place and go back to facing my problems. Flashes of last night interrupt my calm state of mind as I remember him backing me down onto his bed. The way his rough hands hurriedly rushed over my skin, the way his lips crashed eagerly against mine in excitement- How clumsily he removed my clothes, his own clothes. The sound of his belt being undone rings clearly in my ears and I remember my hands pushing against his hard chest wanting him to stop. He hesitated, asked if I was okay. I should've said no, stopped him. I didn't. I gave in and let Beck enter me.

My eyes sting and I vigorously wipe the tears away from my face with the palms of my hands wanting to erase any trace of proof that I've practically been crying all day. I know my eyes are red and swollen, my face a bit flushed; all signs that I've been in turmoil for hours. At times the tears have stopped, but then they return again and it's like I can't stop crying. Maybe it's because I hold in my emotions most of the whole fucking time and well here I am a priceless after school girl scene.

I sniffle and take a deep breath running my hands through my hair as I exhale. My chest steadies after I take several deep breathes and let go. The thumping of my heart returning to a more enduring rhythm and one that isn't so piercing. "You should have broken up with him that night Jade. I know it would have been hard...but look at you," her voice seeps into my consciousness as the conversation I had with Kate earlier today returns.

FLASHBACK TO KATE'S HOUSE

"In all this trouble of not wanting to hurt Beck you inevitably hurt yourself. You can't keep doing this. Keeping up this act that you don't feel what you obviously do feel. You are who you are and you shouldn't be ashamed of it." She takes a pause and grabs one of my hands squeezing tight. "Jade there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, okay?"

With her other free hand she brushes away a loose tear as I only nod quietly back in response. Kate gazes at me with electric blue empathetic eyes, and I stare back at her before I lean in to place a soft kiss on her cheek. My lips linger on her fair skin before I pull back slowly and smile sadly. "Thank you," I breathe out in a small murmur.

END OF FLASHBACK

My eyes concentrate back on the fish swimming as I sniffle once more recalling the rest of the early morning I spent with Kate. After she and I talked somewhat about the other night Kate knew my perfect remedy. She put on one of my favorite movies, 'Edward Scissorhands' to get my mind off things. The entire time throughout the movie I lay on my side; my head on the black and white pillow placed on her lap. Her fingers buried within my hair as she lightly massaged my scalp while we watched on in comforting silence.

I've been in retrospect for so long that I haven't even noticed someone has sat beside me. I don't turn my head to acknowledge them too lost in the motion of the way the fish dip and curve around each other swimming freely, naturally.

"I thought I might find you here."

Her unmistakable voice makes my head turn to my right, and there she is sitting beside me looking at me with her coffee brown pools. "Vega," I utter in surprise. My next question is stupid considering I already know the answer, but it doesn't hit me in my perplexed dizzy mind. "How did you know I was here?"

"You always had a thing for aquariums Jade. You may not get in the ocean, but you love to watch the water and the creatures in it." A light smile displays on her face in recollection as she adds, "Not to mention we used to come here when we were kids together almost all the time."

I turn my attention back onto them catching some tropical fish hiding behinds some rocks. I don't smile back in return like maybe she would have expected me to. I frankly don't care if this is her lame way at an attempt to cheer me up. I needed to be alone and here she is showing up uninvited. If she had never came to Hollywood Arts in the first place none of this would have happened. Why couldn't she just stay away from me...then and now? "Why are you even here Vega?"

Through the corner of my eye I can see her looking down and fidgeting with her hands on her lap. "Because back at school you looked so-," she looks back at me with worried eyes.

I shift my focus onto her narrowing my eyes as we lock gaze. My tone comes out sharp with resentment, "So what Tori? Go ahead finish it off."

Her expression changes from concerned to hurt under a second. Her eyebrows dip low as she goes back to staring at her hands. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay," she says in a soft whisper.

"Well I'm fine," I remark coldly.

Tori's eyes land on mine. "Are you really? It looks like you've been crying..."

I explode, "Jesus will you stop. I don't get you. I honestly don't Tori because one moment we're kissing then the next you say you don't want to talk about it. You're confused. Yet you try to comfort me, make sure I'm okay? What the fuck is that about?"

She runs a hand through her hair an exasperated sigh escaping her. "You said we had an understanding Jade? Why are you bringing this up again? All I'm trying to do is be your friend. After all you are the one who said we could try."

I swipe my tongue over my bottom lip pursuing my mouth in disbelief. "Unbelievable." Really she can't see why I would bring this up again. The more important question is why is she running from this? From a question that could have a simple answer. Either she feels something between us or she doesn't. All she has to do is tell me and then I'd give it a damn rest. She stares at me her features apprehensive from my continued silence."Try less. Right now is not the time Vega to see if we can be on good terms. I'm figuring things out and you should know that. You shouldn't be here," I pause staring her down with heated eyes.

"I'm sorry. I guess I'll leave you alone then," she responds defeated and ready to get up.

Before she can stand up to leave I quickly interject. "Actually... " Tori halts. "I'll leave." Her brows crinkle in confusion. "I need to go talk to Beck anyway. So if you will excuse me," I finish a bit calmer than a moment ago and stand walking away from her.

"What," her voice laces with panic. "What are you going to go tell Beck," she calls out at my retreating form.

I stop turning back on my heel to address her. "Not that it's any of your business, but I have to go confront Beck about the mess I've clearly made."

Tori's eyes grow wide in fear. "You can't tell him the truth Jade. It will break him." She pauses her expression evident with desperation. "He won't be able to even look at me. He will hate me forever," her voice slips out low and pleading.

A dry laugh escapes me, "Is that what you are worried about how he will look at you?" I wait for her to answer, but all she does is stay quiet staring at me with obvious guilt. I nod feeling like a complete moron, "That's all that you've been thinking of, tarnishing your reputation as sweet innocent Tori Vega." I grit my teeth, "You know what, don't even fucking worry about it cause I won't rat you out. I can't believe for even a second you thought I would blame this all on you."

Her mouth hangs slightly open in astonishment. "Weren't you? Wasn't that your intention all along- make me the bad guy?"

I glare at her; a scowl set on my face. "You know what Vega...you don't know me as well as you think. For your information I'm telling Beck the truth because I owe him an explanation. I can't keep on living some big lie. So no Tori that was never the plan."

I don't wait around for her to defend herself; instead I just leave not caring what reasons she had.

Beck's RV 11:00 P.M.

I'm sitting in my mom's old car, the ignition turned off as I stare at Beck's RV through the passenger side window. I'm not parked in his driveway, instead I decided to park out near the curb by the side of his parent's house. I didn't want him to see the lights and know I had arrived. I've been frozen for forty minutes just sitting in the car contemplating if I should go through with this after all; the 'what if's' spiraling in an endless cycle.

What if he can no longer look at me? If he hates me afterwards would I be able to deal with that? What if I break his heart and he develops trust issues? What if...this changes everything? The way we interact with our friends, the way we both choose to live our lives, and the way people would see us. It's guaranteed that things between Beck and I will never be the same as they once were, but even if I chose to stay with him everything would still be one big grand lie.

I place my hand on the door handle squeezing it tight as Kate's final piece of advice slips into my mind; the speech she gave me before I left her house. "The choices we make define us. Jade whatever choice you decide to make know that no one can make it for you. If it's a mistake at least it's your mistake to make. I can't tell you to break up with Beck or to end things with Tori completely, but if there is one thing that I can tell you it's that...you shouldn't have to pretend to be happy for anyone. You deserve to be happy without anyone including Beck making you feel guilty for it. Don't think about him Jade. Think about you and trust that you're making the right choice."

"I have a choice and it's mine to make- Right or wrong," I state to myself in the silence of my mother's old red car before I pull open the door and step out. I make my way over to the RV my heart racing with each step I take closer to the one place I used to feel safe. That security will be gone as soon as I knock on his door. Too quickly I'm standing now right in front of it; my fist in mid-air shaking. I cease the motion of my fist before it makes contact with the cool metal door.

I close my eyes and take a breath holding it in until I've counted down to three in my head then release. I instantly open my eyes and let my fist fall forward letting my knuckles rap urgently on the cold surface. In less than a minute Beck's lights come on from inside, the white thin curtains now illuminated. I hear him unlocking the door shortly after he takes a peek through the blinds to spot who's at his door at this hour.

The door creaks open as he stands before me in a pair of faded jeans unbuttoned and sagging revealing his gray plaid boxers riding low on his well toned abdomen. Part of his tan chest exposed from his unbuttoned thrown on black flannel shirt, his hair a mess of black curls. He rubs the sleep out of his eyes and squints down at me from exhaustion. "Jade? Where have you been all day? I called several times- you never picked up."

My voice comes out weak and tired. "I- There is something I have to talk to you about."

His brows furrow as he runs a hand through his hair making it more disheveled than before. "Uh, yeah sure come inside," he gestures me with his hand and steps to the side.

I gulp and climb the two steps up into the RV walking over to the red couch. I don't sit, but stand instead staring down at a photo of Beck and I when we were just friends back in eighth grade. It's set on the stand close to his fish tank and up until now I've never noticed it.

"I just found it today thought I'd put it up," I hear him say close behind me. I nod not turning to look at him yet. I pick up the photo in its black simple frame and take a closer look at who we both once were. Back then everything felt lighter...sure I was dealing with my parent's troubled marriage, Blue leaving without a proper goodbye, and Tori finally disappearing on me. Yet through it all I had Beck. Beck the annoying boy who occupied a special place in my heart because he made me laugh, smile, and feel safe. For awhile he made me happy and I forgot all about Tori when I was with him.

I didn't want to trust him at first, but people slip into your heart when you least expect them to. Beck just happened to be a remedy to all my problems at the time. I can't say the same thing now because he's one of the problems. This time he isn't the goofy kid with a wide grin on his face like this boy in the photo. He no longer is my best friend. We grew apart without even realizing it, and I'm no longer the girl he fell in love with back then; the girl who clearly in this photo was once in love with him too.

This photo holds the bond we once did have. A broken smile forms on my face as I keep staring at the image of Beck and I grinning at each other almost as if we were trying hard to suppress our laughter from escaping, our noses touching point to point, and my forehead resting slightly against his.

I jump when his hand makes contact with my shoulder. "I'm sorry," he quickly apologizes. "I didn't mean to startle you. Jade are you okay?"

I nod strenuously and turn around to face him, "Um yeah. Yeah I'm fine." I go quiet again shuffling my feet into the carpet while still holding the picture frame in my hands. "I was just thinking about how we were just best friends back then...do you ever miss it?"

His expression pensive and sad as he responds to me, "Aren't we still- best friends?" I look away from him and down at my charcoal black combat boots unable to remain looking into his clouded brown eyes. "What is that you're not telling me Jade?"

I chew on my bottom lip knowing it's now or never. My gaze shifts to him as I pick up my head our eyes connecting. "I think we stopped being best friends a long time ago Beck. We've both have tried to make this work for quite some time and-. It just hasn't been working anymore." I pause unable to yet say it as the moment only builds further. He doesn't attempt to say anything either both of us aware of what is coming next. He visibly swallows his Adam's apple moving up then down. "I want to break up Beck..."

The look in his chocolate brown eyes is one of a shattered heart and it hurts to know I just caused it. "I don't understand- I thought we were okay? I mean last night..."

He trails off and I pick up, "Last night was a mistake Beck."

My words cut through him like a sharp blade immersed in alcohol and I can see every time I say something else I keep on hurting him; burning him more each time I cut him a little deeper. I didn't want to say it, but it's out in the open and I can't pull back now. His voice comes out crushed, "A mistake? Where did I go wrong Jade?"

My grip tightens on the picture frame in my left hand that's against my leg."You didn't- I did." I grasp the photo with both my hands now staring down at it. "I went wrong and screwed it- us all up," I mutter overpowered with disgust at myself. I sniffle a little feeling my eyes wanting to water.

"Who's the other guy?"

I look up stumped by his question, "What?"

"Who's the guy you cheated on me with?" His expression changes from broken to serious in less than under a minute. "Do I know him? Is it Andre?"

I shake my head from side to side, "Andre? What? No that's ridiculous." I gawk at him disbelievingly, "Why would you think it was Andre?"

A deadpan laugh escapes him as he runs both of his hands through his jet black hair; I shudder. "So there is someone else," he clenches his jaw down staring at me with repugnance.

I try to soften the anger he is radiating, "Beck."

"No don't do that. Don't try to make me," he points a finger to his tan chest."Feel bad about this. I'm not the one who cheated," he seethes.

I cringe holding onto the frame firmly. "I know, I know. I'm so so sorry Beck." A pause. "If I could take it back," I glance down at the photo then back to him. "I would. I'd fix this mistake I made."

He stays quiet for a brief moment his brown eyes locked on me. "Well you can't, you can't change this."

"I know," I utter lowly distracting my eyes away from him down to ground again.

"Tell me who is it Jade. Who are you leaving me for?"

I lift my head meeting his glowering stare."I'm not leaving you Beck. We can be-."

"No we can't," he interrupts me before I finish his tone grave and his anger shifting over to sorrow."Friends isn't enough Jade- at least not when it comes to you. I'll always want more," his gaze falls away from me and down to the floor. "And it's apparent that's not what you want," he finishes off.

My chest throbs painfully at the downcast Beck I've never caught a glimpse of before. My voice quavers as I try to keep myself together. "I wanted to love you Beck. I did- so much. I just couldn't keep on acting like I did." He glances up brown eyes crestfallen. "It wouldn't have been fair to you. More than anything you deserve someone who honestly loves you. I'm not her." I let the frame gently hit my thigh as I run my right hand through my hair. "I'm not the right girl Beck."

He turns away from me, and I can tell from the way his arms are bent he is covering his face with his hands. I don't say anything only keeping quiet giving him time to collect himself. The moment doesn't last though because he suddenly whips back around thoroughly enraged. "Who is he," Beck demands through clenched teeth.

I take a step back shocked by his sudden shift of demeanor. "I can't tell you."

"You said it wouldn't have been fair to keep on faking our whole relationship with me any longer, but wait it's not fair for you to tell me the truth about who you slept with," he berates a complete flustered wreck.

My own anger starts to elevate and I yell back in response. "I didn't fake anything! Our relationship was plenty real Beck! Towards the end it's evident on both our parts that we were struggling to keep us together, and I didn't sleep with anyone," I scowl at him.

"Oh well that should make me feel better knowing I'm the one who got to fuck you first," he remarks sneeringly.

I strike his face the sound resonating loudly. "Don't you dare call it that." The side of his cheek now glowing red and his eyes shut from the impact. "What you and I did last night was not a meaningless one night stand."

I watch his jaw grind hard and his nostrils flare, "Get out."

My anger subsides from the tone of his voice, and I watch him noticing his hands balling into fists. "Beck," I breathe out worried.

He opens his eyes and I'm met with an icy stare that drops me dead still. "No. We're. Through," he emphasizes word per word. "That's what you wanted right to just break up with me. So go, 'cause you know what, I don't care who the bastard is. He can have the rest of you as his sloppy seconds."

I nod my head and purse my lips my anger back and fueled. "You know what- clearly you're hurting." I turn away from him setting down the picture frame back where it was before. I prop it back up and start to remove the silver autumn leaf necklace around my neck placing it carefully on the black frame. It sways dangling a little off the edge and it appears less lovely than this morning...than last night when he gave it to me. I face him once more my expression composed and passive. "So don't think so high of yourself Beck. At least they can get the job done right."

I exit the RV without sparing him one last look. After what he said to me tonight I don't think I could ever look at him the same way again. Beck usually so calm, patient, and perfect in my eyes erased his own image replacing it with one of disappointment. I pushed him too far- and for that he'll leave me just like I knew one day he would have. As the door behind me shuts I hear glass shatter and I stop for only a few seconds before I depart hastily in the direction of my mother's car. My tears overflow down my cheeks as soon as I shut the door.

So I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter even if there wasn't a lot of Tori and Jade action. Finally Beck and Jade are over right! That only took 23 chapters lol. (I know not funny, but I'm tired so bare with me.)

I just want to majorly thank everyone who reviewed and the ones I private messaged for being so patient. All of you are so sweet! THANK YOU! (If I could I would give ya'll all a big hug.) So for now virtual hugs as lame as that sounds.

And hopefully the next chapter doesn't take me an eternity, but I don't make any promises.

Reviews would be nice as long as they are not death threats please. (Not that I have gotten any...I should really stopping typing now. Anyways bye all you Jori lovers!)