The horrible truth
"There were 62 of them. I remember each of their faces. I killed them. I killed them all. I even killed their girlfriends and family if they had them. I regret that most of all. I killed kids as young as 7. And then I killed even more. More like them. I lost count. It was the prodigy of an old enemy of Methos, the enemies name was Kronos and was killed a while before that. But his prodigy lived and knew of his masters death. He sought to seek revenge.
Methos and Duncan were responsible for his death. But James Ley was a coward as well. Instead of going for Duncan and/or Methos he went for me.
I was only 34 at the time. He hired mortals to capture me. They used very strong traquilizers. I was unable to fight back." I took a deep breath. I looked out the window. Not really seeing anything and continued.
He held me in his cellar. I was chained to an Alter of sorts. He kept me drugged. Not enough for me to actually be out. But enough so I could not concentrate on defending. Or using any of my powers. First he tortured me, wips, chains, sledgehammers. He starved me. Immortal healing will keep you alive through everything. But it will get weaker if you do not eat. The healings started to get slower. My body had started to canibalize my muscles. And soon I was very weak. That is when he stopped that kind of torture. He raped me in every way imaginable and unimaginable himself or with the help of instruments. Sometimes to the point of death.
Soon he began bringing others. Equally as evil and messed up as him. Vile and disgusting men. By that point all I did is took note of their faces. I re-treated into myself. Barely noticing anything. I no longer even screamed or cried. To me it appeared years. But in truth it was only 6 months of hell."
I turned to look at Jake who was staring at me in shock, denial, confusion, pity and rage. "I will not go into detail Jake, but whatever you are imagining...it was probably 10 times worse" I admitted.
I sighed and looked away again and droned on in a lifeless voice "I did not know it at the time. But he made detailed videos of what he was doing to me and sent them to Duncan and Methos. Always erasing faces so they would not find me. At one point he left me alone entirely. It was a few days probably. It seemed forever to me. The drugs he ran into me from an IV ran out. My strength began to return again. Enough so I could free myself." I had finally had enough mental faculties and strength to shift into my catform.
"When he came back I killed him" I stood up and moved towards the door mimicking the way I attacked him. "I broke his neck and twisted off his neck with my bare hands." I motioned how I had done it. My voice had an ice cold tone.
I turned toward Jacob again and looked at him. "And now he is here." I tipped my finger against the temple of my head. "His quickening is in me still. His memories sometimes surface and I will remember what he did to others, what he did to me. HOW HE ENJOYED IT ALL. " I growled the last part.
Jacob flinched. I calmed myself again. And looked at Jacob. "How is not important. I found the others. I killed the others. And if they had them I killed ther girlfriends. I killed their wives. I killed their children. A little girl, a 7 year old blond little angel named Jenny. And I killed her." I felt cold, I felt empty and yet tears started to fall from my eyes. I let them run. Going on as calm and expressionless as before "Because I was gone, so full of hate. I didn't stop and still, it haunts me. When I was done, I could not stop. Did not want to stop. Did not want to stop and think. I hacked into police records. I found other rapists that had got free. I went on a rampage there too. I was later nicknamed the rapers reaper in the media if you remember."
I look at him shortly and he nodded numbly it seemed. I breathed deeply and looked at him steadily. " The ones I hacked, I confirmed that they where guilty with the use of The Voice. The innocent ones, the ones that I let live is how Methos found me, he stopped me from continuing. He has been through what I've been through in the past. He knew what to say to bring me back from the brink of madness. That is when he, Duncan and I went to Tibet. I spent a bit over a decade there. 5 years with them. The rest alone." I breathed deeply, looked at Jake and swallowed.
"Can you...I mean are we... do you still." I was unsure what to say and looked away. I used my wrist to wipe away my tears. Waiting aprehensively.
I heard him move and looked towards him. He knelt in front of me, he slowly reached out to touch my cheek and wiped away my remaining tears.
"The ones that did that to you deserved to die. Bella. I can undertand that. I won't tell you that killing the ones closest to them was okay, because it wasn't. But you know that too. I can see it hurts you still. The ones guilty of rape even if it wasn't yours I can forgive that. Even if that too was pure vengance. You are still Bella to me, always." He said forcefully but softly to me. And at the end he stroked my face.
I hugged him tightly to me crying in relief now. I had been afraid he would be so disgusted with me, that he would reject me. And to know I was accepted by him meant a great deal to me. He held me until I stopped crying. Speaking quilleute to me softly rubbing my back.
When I had calmed down, I smiled up at him. "Thank you Jacob that means a lot to me!"
He smiled back a slightly pained smile, pity in his eyes. I moved away from him and looked at him seriously.
"Jake, the pity in your eyes is misplaced. I have avenged what has happened to me. And I survived and grew stronger. True I will probably always feel guilty especially for the children I killed, but I cannot undo what I have done. All I can do is remember them. Remember them for as long as I live. And that will hopefully be a long time. That is my penance. But do not pity me! I am not a victim. I am a survivor. I am not fragile, I won't break."
He smiled at me weakly. "No you're definitely not fragile." he rubbed the side of his neck. The bite mark was just now fading.
I got up clapped him on the shoulder and went to the by now cooled breakfast.
And began to eat.
And that was that.
We continued to talk, I told him no one but him needs to know what he now knew. He agreed not to tell. And do his best with his thoughts. I grinned and said I'd help.
I told him my costume for the following weeks Halloween ball. He laughed as did I. It was settled. I was me. He was he.
And I still loved Edward.
And now I had hope. Jacob accepted me...maybe the others would too