a/n: i'm in the process of making apollo younger. i'm older than when i first wrote this (16... i was maybe 14-15 so it's honestly not even THAT older lmao) but since i'm closer to leo's age (17 nearly 18 by the end of the fic), it just reminds me how weird it would be for me to date someone that age... i'm gonna make apollo a 21 year old, but like, a new 21 yr old, so the age gap is more 18/21 than 18/24. there's obviously still a gap, but like, it's the best way to make it more comfortable and keep the story the same.
anyway. there are only two more chapters after this one! :)
o
Leo ultimately has no choice but to get up. His stomach growls meaning he's hungry but he personally doesn't have much of an appetite. He feels hungry but doesn't want to eat.
"Glad you're up." Jake nods at him from the table. He acts like everything is okay even though it's not. The sound of cereal hitting the ceramic bowl irritates Leo to the point where Leo bangs his head on the fridge.
He can hear Jake crunching, crunching, crunching up all that wheat, all that milk, all that sugar, all that useless garbage. Who gave him the right to-
"Leo." Nyssa pulls him away from the fridge. She gently pries Leo's fingers from the handle- she's treating him so delicately, like a fragile flower or a broken person ready to shatter- and gives his fingers a soft tug. "You're going to hurt yourself."
Leo gives out a grunt and gestures with his left arm. The splint on his arm made for uncomfortable and jerky motions.
"Are you hungry?" Nyssa asks after setting out some pans. "I'm going to make some eggs."
"How come I don't get eggs, Nys?" Jake complains. He has a milk mustache though it's not as fun as it normally would be. Leo is a bit disgusted. "Gimme the eggs! Make me eggs!"
Nyssa says something. The words fly off too quickly for Leo to catch, and it's too long and advanced for Leo to bother with. Jake's face falls and he scrunches his nose. He clicks his brakes off and rolls towards the kitchen doorway.
"Your eggs aren't even that good." Jake childishly tosses at her.
Nyssa has her hand on her hip. "You're a grown man."
"You suck." Jake groans, and laughs when Nyssa's eyebrow quirks up. He then gives Leo an uneasy smile, before leaving. "Hang in there, champ."
Leo disregards that and sits at the table. He only watches Nyssa's movements with little interest as she navigates through the kitchen, hands flying everywhere. The spatula falls without her realizing. It's something they all share, Leo notes. A nervous energy that fucks up everything around them.
"Tell me, Leo. Apple or chocolate chip?" Nyssa is mixing a bowl of pancake mix. Sweat beads on her forehead. Her red bandana is good at keeping her hair back except for a tiny stray that's continuously pushed back over and over again. "Also what type of flowers do you want to buy for later this afternoon?"
He puts his head down.
"Both?" Nyssa bites her lip. Leo doesn't have to see her- he already knows she's biting her lip because he bites his lip all the time. "Maybe I should make two batches? And I'm thinking dahlias again? I think there's a Mother's Day sale at the flower shop."
She's talking to herself at this point. It's a confusion of two different topics for conversations that she's having with herself. "Or just the chocolate chip and have apples on the side?"
He wants her to stop talking. Stop talking. Stoptalking. Stoptalkingstop. "Or maybe just apple pancakes with chocolate drizzled on top-"
"Okay." Leo snaps. "I don't care." He looks up in time for Nyssa's eye to twitch and for the slight bit of discomfort to reveal itself on her face until she spins back to the stove.
"Fine," She violently beats the batter. "That's fine too."
Leo feels relieved only for the regret to flood over just as quickly. But why should he care? It's not like he did anything to her. It's not like her world was ending. Nyssa's not Leo, she doesn't understand.
Leo thinks he might've closed his eyes for only a second, only to be jolted up when a plate hits the table, and there's a cup of hot chocolate in front of him. Nyssa taps her foot by the run-down object they call a coffee machine.
"How are they?" She finally says.
The pancakes melt in Leo's mouth, but the eggs have too much pepper. But Leo doesn't say this because he doesn't really taste it. He definitely does but he also doesn't. His body is automatically shoveling food into his mouth, albeit at a slower pace than usual, but not to curb his hunger but to control the growling and insatiable monster that's ripping his stomach to shreds. So yeah, Leo doesn't say anything about the food.
"Can you answer me for once?" Nyssa pours the coffee into her mug. "It's rude."
Leo stops chewing. "It's fine."
"What's wrong with you?" Nyssa presses her hand against his forehead. Leo knows she can't tell anything from doing that because there's nothing physically wrong with Leo except the fact that he's a fuck up. "Do I need to call Piper?"
Oh, Piper. God, fucking Piper. Leo hasn't thought once about her. He's ruined her life- imagine how stupid she must feel! Her best friend is a fucking loser who kisses her boyfriend! Her fucked-up and stupid loser of a best friend is in love with her boyfriend and doesn't give a shit about her! Fucking. Piper.
"No," Leo mumbles. His head falls to the table, fork clattering out of his hand. "I'm so fucking stupid."
"Hey," Nyssa lifts his head with her hands. Her eyes are trying to probe its way inside of him- to see all that he is inside. Maybe- just maybe, she will see the coward cowering in nothingness. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Leo's good hand weakly curls around her wrist to pull her hand away. "I'm fine."
"You are not fine." Nyssa pulls her chair to sit across from Leo. Her fingers tug at Leo's own. "You can talk to me you know."
"It's nothing." His chest heaves, because suddenly Nyssa is close- too close and there's not enough space to breathe. "I just want to sleep."
"You slept all yesterday," Nyssa states, and it's a bit shakening to Leo that he did not remember the last 24 hours too clearly. He was mentally aware that it's Sunday, and that he was on the beach on Friday, but Saturday was a bit of a dream.
He had gotten home from the hospital late in the morning. Leo remembers drifting around the house like he was mourning. He remembers crying. He remembers staring at his walls and ceiling in silence. He remembers sleeping at some point but he does not remember sleeping most of the day away.
The Sleep was too comfortable. It's the pull of a Warm Embrace. Sleep opened Leo and welcomed him in. It helped him. He would gladly go back to Sleep again. The timeless type of rest where everything is okay and he remembers nothing but floating away. Leo would willingly sleep That Sleep for a million of years, only to wake up a new person. It'll be so perfect.
"So?" Leo accuses. "It's not going to hurt anyone. What do you know, anyway?"
"Leo," Nyssa shakes him by the shoulders. "You're not okay right now, and I really need you to be. I need you to be okay right now. I need to know you're okay."
"Stop it." He pushes her hands away. "Stop it."
"God, Leo." Nyssa rubs her hands on her face. "We're supposed to go to the cemetery, but I'm not taking you if you're not okay. I really don't want to deal with all this."
"I don't want to deal with you!" Leo jerks out of his seat. "Stop treating me like this!"
"I want to but you're being a child!" Nyssa scolds. She jumps out of her seat too. "How are we supposed to see our moms if you won't even look at me?!"
"What are you even talking about?" Leo backs away. "Stop yelling at me!"
"For fuck's sake Leo!" Nyssa throws her hands at him. She cursed at him, and as startling as it is, the words only cause Leo's blood to boil more. "It's Mother's Day! Every year we go to the cemetery, but I can't handle it by myself! I just- I just can't- God, do you think I want to do it alone? Do you think that I can even see my mom without you? Except you're freaking out on me and I can't do anything!"
"Just go by yourself!" Leo screams at her. "You don't need me! No one here needs me! I can't fucking be here without messing shit up- fuck- I can't even be cool with my own sister! I don't want to do this with you!"
"Suck it up, Leo!" Nyssa says. "Stop acting like such a brat and listen to people! Everything isn't always about you-"
"Is it okay if I eat this?" Their heads swing to the table, where Harley's poking at Leo's plate. Leo hardly realized when he came in, and he doubts Nyssa noticed either. "Also stop screaming cause you're really loud. Holly said she could hear you over the phone."
Nyssa blinks at him and takes a deep breath. Leo exhales a beat before her. He shrugs and pushes the plate to Harley. "Have at it. Wasn't hungry anyway."
Nyssa pours out more coffee for herself. Her eyes stare at a spot on the floor.
If she has nothing to say to Leo, then he has nothing to say to her.
He rushes out without a thought.
School is okay.
He ends up skipping the classes he shares with either Jason or Piper. Calypso doesn't say anything whenever he joins her.
In the time he spends skipping, no matter how many tries he gives it, Leo figures out that smoking isn't for him. Calypso makes a comment about how it isn't really for anyone but people do it.
Curiously, he also ends up avoiding his other friends. There's no sight of StollsNicoRachel. Leo thinks he prefers this.
He would go the rest of his life like this if he could. Skip & Smoke, and dying while trying. Calypso doesn't mind the silent company so neither does he.
School is okay.
It's Wednesday when Leo freaks out at lunch.
He had been skipping it for the past few days, mainly because he didn't feel too hungry. But he felt cramps all morning and knew he needed to eat today.
Leo's on the lunchline when someone bumps into him.
"Whoa, sorry man." The guy says. He looked familiar, some tall kid with a small goatee. He balances on his crutches and adjusts his bag. "Hey, wait a minute- you're that kid from the beach!"
Leo tenses. "So what if I am?"
The kid snaps his fingers, in thought. "You, uh, kissed that other guy- uh, Mason? No, it's, uh, Jason? Jason! You kissed Jason!"
Leo picks up his tray and inputs his ID number to buy lunch. "So?"
"Nothing, man." The other male hops forward on his crutches, following Leo towards the utensils. "That's just how I know you. You're the Kid Who Kissed Jason."
It's stupid and it means nothing, but the statement makes Leo drop his tray. It clatters on the floor, sending a hot dog sliding across the floor, and soda spreading as a grape flavored abyss across the floor.
The guy leans to peer at the mess. "Dude-"
Leo couldn't hear the rest of what he said. He's already running.
He finds himself catching his breath in the bathroom. Leo locks the stall and leans against the door. A shaky breath sends him to sitting on the toilet staring at the 4 walls surrounding him. Trapping him.
Ms. Dodds is a bitch. Someone wrote it next to the toilet paper in red ink. You're a bitch, was the response. Next to that was: You're Dodd's bitch.
Leo breathes in and out slowly. He's fine. He shouldn't have run out like that. There was no reason to run- he just did. Okay, breathe in and breathe out. He's fine now.
The door to the bathroom creaks open, and there are two boys walking in.
"-Leo ran out in the cafeteria." That's Connor's voice. "You think he's okay?"
Leo pulls up his feet and puts his school bag on the hook of the stall door.
"Someone locked the stall." That's Travis, not that Leo expected anyone else. "I need to piss."
"Just go underneath it."
"Gross."
Leo hears unbuckling. "Why'd you even follow me to the bathroom? Pervert."
Connor turns on the sink. "I'm just worried about Leo. Thought you would understand."
Travis makes a weird noise from the back of his throat. "I mean, dude, of course I understand, but that Grace guy is kinda a dick, don't cha think? Like, he forcefully outed Leo. Wouldn't you be all freaky if you got outed like that?"
Through the cracks of the door, Leo can see Connor making faces at himself in the mirror. Valentina is a whore reads the wall to Leo's right. Valentina is hot is scrawled nearby in thick black sharpie.
"Dunno," Connor's poking at a pimple now. "Not gay."
"Don't think anyone really knows until they know." Travis pushes Connor out the way to reach for the soap. "Gross, spit soap. Think Neko still has the pomegranate hand sanitizer crap?"
"You're really gay."
"I'm fucking clean." Travis shakes his hands at Connor so water flies at him. For a second, Leo thinks Connor can see him through the crack of the door. Then the sophomore is laughing and shoving Travis out the bathroom.
Leo sighs and drops his feet down. In the corner of the door, there's a faded and somewhat scratched-out message proclaiming to the world that Michael Yew & Lee Fletcher are fag buddies. Leo's almost positive that Michael killed himself a few years ago. It was this whole gay thing that exploded before Leo could enter high school. Before Leo even knew Jason.
Jake probably knew him. Probably made fun of him too- isn't it always the people closest to you who react so violently? Isn't it always the best people who end up revealing the worst sides of them?
Leo's bag swings side to side, when his knee hits the door. It's the heavy pendulum of a grandfather clock, ticking away to his doom.
Tick, tock.
Leo throws his bag down and collapses on his bed. His phone vibrates at the same time.
3 [18:34]: leo valdez
ME [18:34]: what
3 [18:34]: are u home
ME [18:34]: why
3 [18:35]: cause i want to show you something
ME [18:35]: not in the mood
3 [18:35]: can u be in the mood?
ME [18:35]: stop
3 [18:36]: okay
3 [18:36]: ...
3 [18:36]: leo
ME [18:37]: what
3 [18:37]: please tell me you like queen b
ME [18:37]: what
Then Leo hears it. Fucking Beyonce playing outside.
Honey honey
I can see the stars all the way from here
"Oh my God." Leo groans, and runs down the stairs to go to the front of his house.
Can't you see the glow on the window pane
I can feel the sun whenever you're near
Every time you touch me I just melt away
He slams open the door, to find Apollo staring at a window holding a giant ass stereo. His shirt has PROM? on it in giant block letters. There's a bunch of roses and sunflowers all over the ground and a big stuffed dinosaur.
Now everybody asks me why I'm smiling out from ear to ear
But I know
Nothing's perfect but it's worth it
After fighting through my tears and finally you put me first
"Oh my God," Leo repeats. Apollo turns to him and frowns.
Baby, it's you
You're the one I love
You're the one I need
You're the only one I see
"I thought that was your bedroom!" Apollo yells over the music and points with one hand to the room that wasn't Leo's. "And it was supposed to rain around now!"
"Oh my God!" Leo yells back. "You were serenading my little brother!"
"Oh my God!" Apollo screams. "I'm serenading you!"
"I know! Oh my God!" Leo jogs to Apollo. "I didn't know you liked Beyonce."
"Who doesn't?" Apollo lowers the stereo. "Do you like Beyonce?"
"Yes," Leo kisses Apollo's cheek. "But I also like you."
Apollo beams. "So is that a yes?"
"Hmm," Leo takes a step back. "Let me think about it..."
Apollo loops an arm around Leo's waist and pulls him in close. "We both know you're going to say yes." He leans over so his forehead barely touches Leo's.
"If you really want to go to my high school prom then go ahead." Leo wants to duck away because it was all a bit too much but he doesn't. He's going to cry because everything has been going so wrong that Leo doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve Apollo. Instead, he closes his eyes. "I don't mind."
He kind of does, but he's not going to tell Apollo that.
"I got you a giant teddy bear. Er, teddy dino." Apollo whispers onto Leo's lips. "Cause when you squeeze it, it'll say rawr."
"Rawr."
"And rawr," Apollo's breathing slows. "Is I love you in dinosaur."
Leo opens his eyes. "Are you-"
"Yeah." Apollo bents his neck so his face falls into Leo's collarbone. "I think I love you."
"Oh." Leo doesn't know what to say. The song has already ended and a new song has begun. It's by Avril Lavigne, something pulled from the very depths of her albums that it is nearly unrecognizable.
"Do you think that you-" Apollo stops, and sighs instead.
Leo's honest. "I don't know." He thinks he could though. Love Apollo, that is. But it won't be anytime soon. But someday, if possible.
"Leo!"
Leo looks up to see Jake and Nyssa on the porch. He hadn't even known Jake was home and thought Nyssa was in the shower. Jake's head is cocked to the side, and Nyssa's holding the landline phone.
"Damn," Leo mumbles. "You should probably go."
"Yeah," Apollo pulls away. He doesn't look particularly happy but also not particularly upset. Dreamy, maybe. In curious thought. Leo hopes that he didn't do anything wrong. He hopes that he didn't ruin anything again.
It starts to rain as Apollo pulls his sunshine car out of the driveway, leaving Leo with a giant plush dinosaur. It smells like Apollo's apartment. Leo kneels down to collect a few of the scattered flowers before they get dirtied from mud.
"Come over here lover boy!" Jake hollers at him. Nyssa turns on her heel and walks back in the house. Right. She's not exactly talking to him.
Jake holds out his arm to block Leo from going inside the house. "Ooh, wouldn't do that if I were you. Nys isn't totally cool with you, and she just yelled at Harley for something."
"Yeah." Leo sits the dinosaur on the porch and collapses into it. "So uh."
"Yeah uh is right," Jake smirks. "Didn't know you're batting for the other team. You never really liked sports."
"You're funny." Leo folds his arms and tries to keep his limbs to himself. He wouldn't mind running out into the rain. "A joke on wheels."
Jake rolls his eyes. "Were you ever gonna say something? About liking dudes? About having a boyfriend who's my age?"
"He's not my-" Leo stops because Apollo totally is. Or at least he thinks he is. Leo's never really had a boyfriend before.
"Is he your sugar daddy?"
"Shut up." Leo scratches his head. "Don't be a dick about it."
Jake sniffs and shrugs. "I'm just wondering how to approach you about it. I am your big brother, you know, and you can still tell me stuff."
Leo looks up at Jake. "Can we not have the man-to-man? Last time we had this, you tried to give me the talk."
"That was fun." Jake laughs and then frowns. "Wait, are you having sex with this guy? Because you're still underage-"
"God no." Leo chokes. Leo loves sex and porn, but having sex with Apollo? Leo pretty much thinks that losing his virginity to a guy, if he even wants to do it, would be super big in his life. He can't do that to Apollo because Leo might be thinking about-
"Um, good. Didn't want to kick some guy's ass." Jake nods, getting red. "Does this mean I have to give you the talk again? But like with more bananas-"
Leo kicks Jake's right wheel lightly. He stands up and wipes his hands on his thighs. "I think I'd rather go inside and deal with Nyssa."
"Uh, I think the, uh, basics are the same, y'know?" Jake's staring at his hands creating loops and fingers going into said loops. "Just the whole, you know, um-"
Leo interrupts him with a hug. His injured arm digs in between them. "Shut up. Just shut up real quick."
Jake pats his back. "Is this why you've been a dick to everyone? Because you've been into it with this guy?"
"No. Apollo's good to me." Leo pulls away. "I've been, uh, busy. With the whole college thing."
"Ah, college." Jake mimes shooting himself. "Gonna miss your punk ass eating all the food."
"Still got some time left to eat your Lucky Charms." Leo rolls his eyes.
"You are the worst brother ever." Jake groans. "But you know who would miss you even more?"
Leo looks inside the house. He can hear music playing from inside and the sizzle of something being placed on the stove.
"Go talk to her." Jake pushes Leo toward the door. "And don't be a dick!"
Leo stumbles into the kitchen a few minutes later. He drops the sunflowers on the counter and waits for Nyssa to say something.
She's bustling around making dinner. It smells like spices and garlic. When Nyssa slides vegetables into a pot, she sighs and stares at Leo.
"You put flowers in a vase." Nyssa brushes past him and grabs the flora to properly put them together. The radio is playing a Daddy Yankee song.
"Is that it?" Leo sits on the counter. "Is that all you want to say to me?"
Nyssa regards him coldly, giving him a blank look. "What do you want me to say?"
"I don't know?" Leo admits. "Just yell at me or something! Scold me!"
"Why should I?" Nyssa turns her back to turn on the sink. "You're almost an adult, you don't need me anymore."
"But I do!" Leo leans back and ends up smacking his head on the cupboard. "Ow! See?"
Nyssa snorts and rubs her face. "Leo..."
He rubs his head. "I've been kind of weird lately, but I feel really good right now. Kind of just want to ride this high while it lasts, but I don't want you to hate me."
"I don't hate you, Leo." Nyssa reaches into the freezer for an ice pack. It's old and faded, shaped like Spider-man's head and was bought at some dollar store nearby. She presses the pack into Leo's good hand. "Just disappointed."
"Yeah, I get it! I'm a giant disappointment to everyone." It's not only Leo's head that hurts now. He feels some of his good mood slipping. "I swear, I'm sorry for yelling at you and everything."
Nyssa bites her lip. "I know. I don't like yelling at you either, you know."
"But you're so good at it," Leo mumbles.
"I will break your other arm." Nyssa deadpans. She swipes her hands on her thighs and folds her arms. "You know I'm not good with words."
"Yeah me too! It's like everything I say comes out real stupid." Leo nods.
"Not everything you say." Nyssa leans against the counter next to Leo. "You're really smart, Leo. I'm a bit jealous."
"But you're so cool yourself." Leo pokes Nyssa. "You're Nyssa! My big sister!"
"Mhm."
The speaker on the radio is talking about a new story now. Something about a celebrity doing something bad again. There's another radio host who laughs. It sounds fake. The people in the car commercial that cuts in afterward sound happier.
"I went to the cemetery by myself, by the way," Nyssa says.
Leo turns the best he can. "You did? How was it?"
Nyssa sits her chin in her hand. "Nothing special. I left flowers on my mom's grave. And yours, cause I figured you would've liked it, even after we were yelling at each other."
"Thanks." Leo drops his hands into his lap. He turns the ice pack over and over in his hands. "Sorry, I should've went with you. But I don't even think my mom would've wanted me there anyway."
Nyssa stands straight. "Why do you say that?"
Leo's hands fall limp and he looks up. "I've done some really questionable things lately. Kind of don't think she'll approve of my, er, choices."
"Is this about the gay thing?" Nyssa pats his knee reassuringly. "Cause I think she'll-"
"No," Leo falters. "Maybe. I don't know. I feel kind of bad, anyway. Haven't even thought about Mom in a while. She might be dead, but she's kind of the only parent I have."
Nyssa frowns. "What?"
"I mean," Leo folds his feet up. "Dad isn't actually a dad. It's just been you and Jake raising me and Harles."
"Leo." Nyssa steps away. "What are you talking about?"
"Dad." Leo frowns now. "Are you not living in the same world as I am? I don't even think he cares about us."
Nyssa runs a hand through her hair. "He loves you, Leo. He loves you the most out of all of us."
"I don't- I-" Leo's hand clenches the ice pack, trying his best to avoid it from bursting. "I'd hardly call it love."
"He's just," Nyssa struggles to find the right word. "Difficult. He really loves you, I swear. Just give him a chance."
Leo twitches.
"Okay," Nyssa shifts, now standing in front of Leo and holding his knees. "Honestly, I think Dad's only really loved three people."
Leo's face screws up. "There's four of us-"
"Aphrodite, your mom, and you." Nyssa's words strike Leo like he's been stabbed, except the knife is made of ice and it's barely grazing his heart. A few more inches and the blade would've killed, but now it is only so close and so numbingly cold that he can only imagine and want that knife to bury itself in his heart instead.
"Dad used to be pretty active, but I don't think you remember it, even though you should," Nyssa recalls, albeit a little bitterly. "Then your mom died and he disappeared."
"I don't believe you." Leo's body shakes.
Nyssa tugs at her earlobe, twisting it to the point where it glows red. "It's the truth. You can ask Jake, he would know better than me. There was something about the way he acted with your mom. They were in love-"
"If they were in love, then why did he go to someone else?" Leo pleads because he really doesn't want this to all be true. He desperately needs it not to be. "Harley is literally proof. He was born barely 9 months after she died."
"Because he loved her." Nyssa turns back to the food she was cooking. He had nearly forgotten about that. "If you loved someone you couldn't have anymore, you would do your best to avoid thinking of them, right?"
"I don't know," Leo flinches. "He- he shouldn't have left us. He wasn't- He didn't even-"
"Leo," Nyssa puts her spoon down. "It's best if you don't think too much about it. Me and Jake have lived out our entire lives trying to avoid it-"
"He can't even look at me." Leo's hands are trembling, shaking to the point of a blur. He stares down at his lap. "Dad's doesn't even look at me. He's never looked at me in the eye."
"I think," Nyssa speaks as slowly and carefully as she can, "it's because you look so much like your mother. Splitting image, really. I don't think he wants any reminders of her."
That's it. Leo thinks. I'm the reason. I'm the reason why my dad doesn't talk to me. Because I'm me.
He tosses his head back and starts crying like a baby.
No.
He's crying like he's eight again. His mother's in the ground, there's his two older siblings huddled together to the side, and Leo's dad is nowhere to be seen. He was so alone that day, so cold and terrified.
And where was his dad? Nowhere in sight. Because he couldn't bear to look at him. To look at his own son and see the person he loved.
Leaving Leo lost and isolated.
Leaving a child without out a mother and father within the same day.
Leo doesn't go to school on Friday.
He doesn't really feel up to it. He tells Nyssa that it's Senior Skip Day, even though they're both aware that it isn't.
Leo spends most of his day sleeping, actually. He doesn't really feel anything, but tired and at the same time, restless. He's not sad or anything. But he's not happy.
Leo supposes he's supposed to feel sad. With everything that's been going on in his life, lately, he's supposed to feel something. He does feel the itch that he can't reach in his cast.
Leo picks up the phone because he's alone in his room and there's nothing else to do. It's really late- the buzzing excitement of prom flows through his veins calmly, leaving Leo more restless than usual.
"Hey," Jason starts off.
"Hey." Why did he pick up?
Jason lets a solid minute of silence pass. Leo's so unnerved that he's ready to move his finger to click the END button-
"God, Leo, are you okay? You're not showing up to school and I'm really worried about you."
Leo turns in his bed. "Uh huh."
"Wait- no lemme start over. Hold on." Jason hangs up, leaving Leo to stare at his phone screen.
Jason calls again, and Leo lets it sit to the very last ring before picking up.
"Hi," Jason says this time.
"Hey."
"Do you want to come over?"
"... Not really."
Jason scoffs. "You like coming to my house."
"Jason," Leo mumbles. "I really don't-"
"But I want to talk to you." Jason sounds nearly excited, as the words rush through the phone. "Come on, I want to talk to you."
"...Jason-"
"What? I can't hear you!" Jason almost yells. "I can't hear you if you're gonna say no-"
"Jason-"
"-can't... hear..."
"Jason-"
"-You're breaking up on me, Leo."
"JASON!" Leo whisper-yells because the walls are still as thin as ever (despite the fact that he's also home alone) and even though he's being sucked into this very familiar feeling that he has when talking with Jason on nonsense phone calls- though this time it feels a little bit poisoned and rotten like an old apple core- Leo is still aware of the fact that this is the first time he's talked to Jason since the beach. "If I go, will you let me sleep?"
"Sure. Even though it's barely 4 'o clock." Jason must be proud of himself, even if Leo now feels sicker than ever. "Come whenever, okay?"
"Whatever you say, Jason." Leo doesn't make a move to get up. "See you."
"Bye."
Leo hangs up first because he doesn't want to start another ridiculous thing with Jason.
That's all they were at this point anyway. Ridiculous.
Jason Grace has always been rich, and that is something that hasn't changed in the past week.
For some reason, Leo is actually surprised to find that everything about Jason's life is relatively the same as it's always been. He expected a burned down structure and angry tagging along the gates with FAGGOT written everywhere. He expected a sniper to shoot him down from the rooftops.
Instead, Leo got a giant ass gate opening, and Jason's giddy voice from the intercom telling him to come in. He might've preferred the sniper.
"Hey." Jason looks out of place in the grandness of his house, with his blue hoodie and Flintstones boxers. Hey might be the only way Jason knows how to greet Leo right now- which is... something considering there used to be a time where they would be so close that they would just start talking without much of a greeting.
"Hey," Leo says- and it's definitely awkward. Jason doesn't seem to mind, and gestures for Leo to take off his shoes.
"I got Lupa to make her famous iced tea. I know how you love it." Jason brings Leo to the kitchen. Lupa is, or at least was, Jason's old nanny. The old bat is terrifying but Jason seems to have some bit of love for her. Though Jason's reassured him many times, Leo's sure the old woman hates him, especially after the last time he's been to Jason's house.
Which was when nearly 3 years ago. It's a general rule that Jason doesn't like showing off his richness which means avoiding coming over to his house too often. Leo is still a bit suspicious of being invited to Mount Olympus itself.
"This is really good," Jason continues talking. He twirls the black straw around in his cup. "Still tastes amazing."
"Yeah." Leo sips quietly. "Gotta get her to give me the recipe."
"Right..." Jason's mouth twitches. His lip scar moves side to side. "Let's go up to Thalia's room, I guess."
Leo is pulled through the halls and down an all too familiar pathway. Thalia's room is code for Jason Grace. It's the only place he has to himself because it's the only place where his father would never go. Leo's only been to the room a few times, and each time had either him or Jason bawling their eyes out to each other.
However, Leo also sees this as a neutral zone. It's personal but not as personal as Jason's own room. And while it takes an extreme amount of trust to be taken to Thalia's room, Leo supposes the scales have shifted a little. Jason's room seems closed off to Leo for now and he doesn't know when he'll get the privilege to enter it again.
...Or he can be overthinking it all. Fuckingstupidbrain.
Thalia's room used to be scary to Leo at some point. It would be used so sporadically, that the dust would settle and when the door would slam open, it would be sent flying around like a tornado. Thalia had decorated her room with blackout curtains, not allowing any light to come in, except for small holes that would hit her punk band posters with odd lighting.
Her bedsheets have a spiderweb design and her pillows are a deep purple. The blue lava lamp sitting on her desk is on, meaning that Jason's been in here recently.
"Alright." Jason sits on the bed and pats the spot next to him. "Let's talk."
Leo keeps his space and sits at Thalia's desk instead.
"So, uh," Jason starts after some silence. He should've known better if he had expected Leo to talk first. "You're gay, right?"
"I-"
"Which is fine!" Jason cuts him off. "It's good that you know who you are, Leo. I don't have a problem with gay people, you just took me by surprise last week. But seriously, I'm happy for you."
Leo slumps over in his chair. He feels hot, with a slow trail of lava sliding around in his veins. "Are-"
"And while it's kind of weird you liked me, I think that means we have something really special." Jason carries on. "To be honest, I thought you were mad at me this entire year because I started dating Piper. Turns out you were mad at Piper instead."
"I wasn't-"
"But I think it's okay. Gay is okay, right?" Jason nods to himself. He's scratching his arm. "I'm actually happy that you ended up liking me instead of some other guy, who could have reacted more violently. I wouldn't want to beat some guy up or anything-"
"Are you done?" Leo snaps. "You asked me to come over so we can talk, except you're doing all the talking. Jason, seriously. Shut up."
Jason flushes and falls back into the bed. Leo sighs, and sits next to him. "Dude."
"You always know what to say," Jason mumbles. "Stop being correct."
Leo gives out a mirthless laugh. "I'm never right. Just let us talk okay? Man-to-man, heart-to-heart, or whatever."
"Mano-a-mano." Jason stares up at the ceiling.
Leo shoves his shoulder. He's still annoyed for some reason. Very annoyed. "That doesn't mean what you think it means."
"Oh," Jason sits up and looks at Leo's arm. "How's your arm?"
"You're joking right?" Leo's eyes narrow. "You broke my heart and you're asking about my arm?"
"Just want to know if you're okay-"
"God, Jason, you do know it's because you ran away that I ran and slipped?" Leo's fist clenches. "You fucking outed me to the entire school!"
"It was an accident-"
"Stop it! Stop doing that!" Leo jumps up. "You're so fucking perfect, why can't you make a mistake once? I want to punch you so much right now."
"Leo..."
"I know you're my best friend! Why would you hurt me on purpose? But like- I can't fucking sit here like you didn't hurt me." Leo grips his hair with his one hand. "I'm so done with all of this!"
"Okay." Jason pushes himself back on the bed. He's wary of Leo and that only pisses him off even more. Why is Jason afraid of him? FuckingJasonWhy.
Leo punches Jason. In the stomach, with his hand trembling afterward and there's a hitch in Jason's breath. Leo hit him with his broken hand by reflex, making burning hot pain shoot up his arm.
"Leo," Jason gasps.
"See? Why can't you just hit me back? Why can't you be like every other boy and fight me! Why are you so- agh!" Leo screams. He collapses back on the bed, chest heaving. Jason rubs his stomach and falls back with a wheeze.
After some time, Leo speaks.
"It's... itchy. My arm I mean.
"Oh. Right."
"Yeah."
Jason blows out a lot of air and rubs his palms into his eyes. He looks tired, with deep shadows under his eyes extending to the point where even Nico Di Angelo would be impressed. "Is it okay to ask you questions, or are you going to punch me again? You're strong for a guy with a messed up elbow."
Guilt flushes over Leo like a flood. He feels bad for hitting Jason, but Leo was honest. Everything he said, he truly did feel. Perhaps he owes Jason a bit more honesty. "Why not?"
Jason's hesitant, despite suggesting the fact that he had questions. "When'd you find out? Seriously. That you liked guys. Or liked me, whichever came first."
Leo frowns. He doesn't want to scare Jason away, especially after his big blow up, but he doesn't want to lie. "I don't know. A few years ago, I guess."
"Huh." Jason finds the information interesting even though it isn't. "How'd you know?"
"How'd you know you liked Piper?"
"Fair point," Jason flops back down on the bed. "But isn't it like- isn't it different? Are you sure you just don't really like me as a friend?"
Leo folds his legs up and hugs his knees close. "Are you sure you don't just like Piper as a friend?"
Jason blushes. "Okay."
"This is stupid. Didn't we say that we don't want to share feelings?" Leo whines. "I'd rather not tell you my entire life story."
"You kind of kissed me, I think you owe me." Jason points out.
Leo grunts. "Should've been a fucking lawyer with the way you hold the evidence against me."
"Ha! There goes the Leo I know." Jason has this smug and lazy grin on his face that Leo wants to kiss and punch. If he's done the first, does that mean it's okay for him to do the latter?
"Hey, pay attention to me." Jason shifts closer. "Do you still like girls, or is that off the table?"
Leo thinks about boobs. He thinks about soft skin and painted nails and skirts and kissable lips and eyelashes. Granted, anyone can have those things, and Leo doubts he would care. He then thinks about short nails and rough hands and collarbones and biceps and Adam's apples. Both views are appealing.
Connor has soft skin but so does Piper. Calypso's hands are rough. Annabeth's collarbones are gorgeous. Nico paints his nails (black as hell, as he claims) almost as much as Drew. Rachel's fingernails are just as short as Leo's and she can lift as much as he can. Travis' eyelashes can touch the sky. Apollo is beautiful no matter how Leo can look at him.
"Leo?"
"Yeah, no, I do," Leo admits. "I think I like both. Or all? I don't even know anymore."
Jason senses Leo's internal confusion and pats his back. "It's fine. You don't have to know everything about yourself now. You'll figure it out soon."
"Yeah." Leo leans back into the bed. His hand accidentally hits Jason's, who doesn't move it at all. Their fingers intertwine like fragile threads along life's infinity scarf. Leo feels almost nothing about it, and that in itself is terrifying.
It's silent for some time. Leo's not sure how much time has swept past before Jason's voice drifts back to him. "Hey, do you think... that maybe if you confessed earlier..."
Leo turns his head to look at Jason. "Jason..."
"Y'know when you first kissed me, I wanted to beat the shit out of you. I was really angry, but I don't know why anymore." Jason gives out a light chuckle. "I don't know what would've happened if you kissed me earlier. Years ago or something, or even a few minutes before. It's just weird to think about."
"Yeah. I think I know what you mean." Leo doesn't understand at all.
"Good." Jason turns his head. He's smiling at Leo, and he squeezes his hand. "At least we're cool now, right?"
"I guess." They're kind of not.
"Good," Jason repeats. "Good."
(Leo still thinks Jason's ridiculous, but he figures that Jason's always ridiculous and that's the way Leo likes him.)