A/N: I am so so so so so sorry that I haven't updated this story in forever!!! I haven't abandoned it at all I promise, I just needed to focus on Curse of the Mistletoe for a bit. But I've been too busy to spend any time writing hardly at all! But here is another chappie, and i hope you all like it!
Just as the sun was rising the next morning, Hogwarts awoke to a hideous scream that shattered windows and mirrors throughout the castle.
"What was that??!" Ron muttered groggily as he sat up abrubtly.
"No idea." Harry replied, still half asleep and fumbling for his glasses.
"Wassamatter?" Seamus asked rubbing his sleepy eyes.
"Five more minutes Gran." Neville mumbled, snuggling down into the covers.
In the dungeons, Snape, who had already been up for an hour, looked up from his book and smirked darkly. He grabbed his teaching robe, putting it on as he dashed out of the door past his shattered mirror, towards the Slytherin common room from where the scream had come.
He threw the portrait aside and marched into the deserted common room and up the girls staircase.
He stopped outside the dorm room that Pansy was in and put and ear to the door
There was sounds of scuffling as the girls within got ready for breakfast and classes and hushed voices saying disturbing things like 'where's my bra!' and "Hey! Where are my lucky knickers?? I need my lucky knickers!!! I have a potions test today!!!"
"Oh Merlin's balls I totally forgot about that test! I haven't studied or anything! Alright, who's seen my lucky suspenders!?"
There was another voice too, the one that Snape was listening for.
Snape knocked briskly on the door not wanting to hear any more of what undergarments his Slytherin girls owned and cherished
"If that's you Hindley, I told you last night, no means no!" came an annoyed voice from within.
Snape blinked, somewhat shocked. He didn't want to know why Anthena had said such a thing…
"Oh come off it Anthena, we all know you want him bad! But I must say, your taste in men is questionable!"
"This coming from the girl who had a crush on Professor Snape in first year!" Anthena replied disdainfully.
"That was so wrong." Millicent pointed out.
Snape didn't want to hear anymore…girls were scary when he was at school, and they were still scary now.
He rapped more loudly on the door.
"Somebody get that and tell whoever it is to sod off! They are interrupting my morning beauty routine!" Anthena snapped irritably.
"Who is it?" Millicent Bullstrode asked in a sing song voice.
"It's Professor Snape, open this door immediately!" Snape commanded.
"Just a moment Professor, some of us aren't decent!" Millicent replied.
Rolling his eyes, Snape waited, trying not to listen as the voices within dropped to hushed conversation.
"How long has he been out there?" Becky asked in a hushed voice, sounding mortified.
"It was probably him who knocked the first time!" Millicent replied.
"Oh Merlin…Thanks a lot Anthena! He probably heard you say that thing about my first year!"
"Oh you'll get over it!" Anthena answered carelessly.
"But I'll never be able to face him again!" Becky squeaked. "You are such a –"
"Who's at the door?" a cracked voice asked.
"Professor Snape!" Millicent answered.
"Professor Snape? Professor! Something awful has been done to me!" Pansy's voice wailed to him through the door.
"Is it safe to enter?" Snape demanded, before snorting in mirth.
"Yes, most of us are decent at least…others just don't care if they are decent or not!" Millicent called.
Snape thrust the door open and entered briskly.
"What was all the screaming about? It shattered the mirror in my quarters!" he demanded.
"It was Pansy, Sir." Becky said from her bed, hugging her bedclothes to her chin and looking for all the world like she wanted to dive under the bedclothes and never come out. "She went into the bathroom to dress and let out this awful scream. We thought she had hurt herself waxing or something!"
"Ooh yes, remember when she tried to wax her bikini line that one time with that muggle stuff she'd stolen from that Lavender Brown girl in Gryffindor? That was awful!" Anthena said scandalously to the other girls, then turning to Snape she said, "She was stuck to the bottom of the bathtub and everything! It was cold wax you see and she thought that hot water would melt the wax, but it didn't, it just-"
"Anthena!!!" Pansy shrieked, her head poking out from around the bathroom door looking mortified.
Everyone looked at her.
"Shall we not!?" Pansy hissed, her cheeks burning with embarrassment.
"Sorry." Anthena mumbled.
"What is the reason for the glass shattering scream Miss Parkinson?" Snape asked impatiently.
"Well…promise you won't laugh Professor?" Pansy said tearfully.
"Do I ever laugh Miss Parkinson?" Snape demanded indignantly.
Point made, Pansy emerged from the bathroom to gasps and shocked expressions.
"I don't know what happened! I went to bed and woke up…like this!" Pansy wailed, gesturing to herself.
Snape fought with his face, winning in the end and his face remained impassive as he looked Pansy up and down.
She was a little bigger than Neville Longbottom in width. Her face had pudged out so much that her eyes looked tiny.
Fighting the temptation to say 'I see no difference', Snape sighed irritably instead.
"Did you eat or drink anything you may be allergic to?" he asked lightly.
"No…I'm not allergic to anything!" Pansy sobbed turning to the full length mirror. "look at me…I'm a whale!"
"Hmm," Snape said in agreement from behind her, "One might wonder if you have been too loose with the cakes Miss Parkinson. I believe there is a saying…a moment on the lips, forever on the hips…it's a muggle saying, but none-the-less, there is wisdom within."
Pansy gaped at his reflection over her shoulder in the mirror.
"You'd best get ready for class Pansy." Millicent said softly pointing at the clock on the wall.
"I can't go out looking like this!" She said shaking her head
"Well you'd best find a way to go out looking like that…I won't have you missing classes for such a trivial reason." Snape said briskly.
"A trivial reason!!! Professor this is not a trivial reason!" Pansy squawked gesturing wildly at her figure. "I'll be the laughing stock of the school! HAVE YOU NO SOUL????" she shrieked.
"My soul was removed to make room for all this sarcasm." Snape said flatly making his way to the door "I want to see you in class Miss Parkinson."
"But I have nothing to wear! Nothing fits me now!" Pansy cried in anguish.
"A simple spell to alter your school uniform will suffice. If you do not know one, I'm sure someone in Slytherin will know." Snape answered lightly, his hand on the door handle.
"Wait! Isn't there a potion to…make it all go away?" Pansy begged.
"I'm afraid not Miss Parkinson. Potions are not bottled miracles to cure obvious over-indulgence." Snape replied cruelly "Be in class or suffer my wrath."
And with that, he left the howling Pansy and her cringing dorm mates to it, smirking all the while.
He figured Draco was either still asleep or getting ready for breakfast in the Slytherin dorms, but he knew Hermione would be up and he also knew exactly where she would be.
He hurried to the library and found Hermione to be reading a book as she stood in the aisle between the bookshelves.
He went and picked a book from the shelf opposite the one Hermione was facing, her nose buried in the book.
They stood with their backs to each other, seemingly emersed in their books.
"Miss Granger." Snape greeted in an almost inaudible mutter.
"Professor Snape." Hermione greeted in the same manner.
"It worked, she's the size of a small whale." Snape said keeping his voice almost conversational and his back to Hermione.
"Excellent." Hermione grinned into her ancient runes book. "Does Draco know yet?"
"No, but I'm sure he's figured it out given the scream that Miss Parkinson let out not fifteen minutes ago." Snape answered, flipping a page with a flourish.
"Yes, we heard that too…must have been really loud in Slytherin!" Hermione mused.
"Indeed, I no longer have a mirror." Snape replied.
There was a moment of silence before Hermione spoke again, sounding vaguely uneasy.
"Professor, you don't think we made a mistake doing this do you?"
"I'd like to make one thing quite clear Miss Granger," Snape said firmly "I never make mistakes."
"Never?" Hermione asked coyly and with obvious disbelief.
"Well…I thought I did once, but I was mistaken." Snape replied before putting the book back on it's shelf and sweeping from the room.
In the great hall ten minutes later, Hermione, Malfoy and Snape waited with bated breath for Pansy to walk in.
Harry and Ron noticed Hermione looking toward the door with an air of excitement and exchanged curious glances.
"Mione…erm…why do you keep looking at the doors?" Ron asked finally, curiosity having got the better of him.
"You'll see." Hermione said smiling mischievously.
Ron looked at Harry and shrugged while Harry looked nervous.
What did Hermione know that they didn't?
He saw her look at Malfoy, who was grinning back and they both glanced at Snape who smirked knowingly, but returned his gaze to his eggs and bacon, casually toying with his breakfast with a fork.
That sealed it for Harry…
"Mione, what's going on?" He demanded. "And why is Snape-"
"Shh!" Hermione hissed "Keep your voice down!"
"But-" Harry protested, but Ron had started choking on his pumpkin juice.
The great hall had fallen silent before a cackle of laughter started.
Hermione grinned triumphantly and Harry gaped.
"Merlin's beard! What happened to her?" Ron spluttered,
Harry looked up to see Pansy Parkinson waddling with her face in her hands towards the Slytherin table, flanked by Millicent Bullstrode and another girl.
The Great hall quickly erupted into laughter.
The Slytherins all stared at their blimped out housemate and turned their backs to her, looking embarrassed to be seen with her.
Malfoy was the only one cackling along with the rest of the great hall…The Gryffindors were having a hard time breathing and staying upright in their seats and the table itself was getting pounded by many beating fists, the dishes of food rattling.
Up at the head table, the professors were looking mildly puzzled. Snape was fighting to keep the smirk off of his face, successfully disguising it as a wince of embarrassment.
"Severus, what has happened to the poor girl?" Minerva McGonnigall whispered anxiously.
"How should I know Minerva?" Snape muttered back looking as though he were utterly humiliated by Pansy's new look.
"Why aren't you going over there and rescuing the poor girl?" Sprout demanded in a harsh whisper. "She looks miserable!"
"Not so fast Minerva, a lesson must be learned here." Snape said purposefully, tapping his forefinger on the table delicately for emphasis.
"What lesson?" Minerva demanded. "Look at her, she's all puffed up like a toad!"
"Precisely." Snape replied coolly. "The lesson is as follows…One shouldn't eat all the pies!" .
Flitwick snorted coffee out of his nose at this and laughter bubbled up from his toes.
"Good advice indeed Severus…I myself am watching my waistline! My best robes were getting a bit neat…" Dumbledore chimed in conversationally.
"Indeed, don't eat all the pies Headmaster." Snape quipped before standing up. "Now, if you will excuse me, I cannot be humiliated by one of my own a moment longer. Until lunch…"
and with that said, he swept from the hall, smirking at Hermione as he passed.
"Can't….breathe!!!" Hermione gasped as she pounded the Gryffindor table in hysterical laughter.
Draco was bent double as he staggered over to the Gryffindor table to join Hermione in their triumph.
"Lets…lets go see Professor Snape!" Draco cackled.
Hermione got up and the two staggered out of the great hall in the direction of the dungeons, holding onto each other to keep from falling as they were laughing so hard.
They reached the dungeons and Draco managed to talk. "We have to…compose ourselves."
Nodding, Hermione took a moment to calm herself and to all appearances, they were at Snape's door looking like they were in deep trouble.
Draco knocked on the door.
It opened and Snape's hand beckoned them in.
They entered and the door shut behind them.
The three looked at each other before they burst out laughing again.
Snape was laughing so hard he was sliding down the wall.
Draco was pounding a desk and Hermione had to clutch Draco for support.
This continued for a few minutes until gradually, the need to breathe and let stomach muscles unclench took over and their laughter subsided.
"That was wicked!" Draco declared grinning.
"Not bad if I do say so myself." Snape smirked.
"Did you see Blaise's face?" Hermione said relishing the memory. "He looked like he was about to die."
"Well he was sitting beside her…if she sat on him…" Draco snorted.
Snape snorted a laugh but composed himself before it really came.
"Well, mission accomplished. And now, Miss Granger, you must go and win the first task!" Snape said.
"Thank you Professor Snape." Hermione said cordially. "I shall see you both in class in…ooh, five minutes."
She kissed Draco on the cheek before sashaying out of the room to stand outside, appearing to be waiting for class.
She was soon joined by Harry and Ron.
"That was brilliant!" Ron said happily. "I don't know who done it, but they are a genius! Pansy will never be able to show her face again!"
"Oh I'm sure she'll find a way to get over it." Hermione said casually.
"Or get even." Harry said seriously.
"What?" Hermione and Ron asked.
"Well, she's a Slytherin isn't she? She'll want to get revenge on whoever did this to her." Harry explained.
"Well there's no way of her finding out is there? I mean, whoever did it can't exactly be traced!" Hermione said shrugging.
"Maybe you're right." Harry agreed. "But it's going to be rough if she does find out."
A flash of defiance went through Hermione. Bring it on Pansy!