Tori Vega

Jade. Was. Remembering.

Jade was remembering.

Jade was remembering.

Fuck. My Life.

Agh! I had finally gotten my shit together after the beautiful Goth had broken my heart. I had finally embraced Cat and found the love and affection I missed and deserved. Everybody was happy. I had Cat and Cat had me. Beck had Jade and Jade had Beck. This could screw up everything.

Maybe she won't remember. Maybe 'us' isn't important enough for her to remember. Thinking that left a sour taste in my mouth. Granted, I didn't want her to mess everything up with Cat and me but I also didn't want 'us' to have meant nothing to her when once-upon-a-time 'us' had been my everything. I brushed off the thought that I hadn't been important to her. I knew I was.

Maybe she'll remember it and she just won't care? Maybe she'll just call it an experiment. No feelings will be awoken. A lie. They already had been. As soon as she said that she was getting her memory back my heart leapt out of my chest and ran to try and win her back. That's what I feared most though. Not that she would remember. Not that she'd just play it off as a nothing or an experiment. I was afraid that I'd run back to her and break both Cat's heart and mine.

I had gotten over Jade months ago, but she was my first real love. You can't just erase feelings that strong, unfortunately. It's not that I loved Cat any less. It's just that my heart was now split in half. One half pining for Jade again and the other wanting to stay glued to Cat's. Cat was security and comfort and loving affection. Jade was burning, fiery danger of passion and lust. I thought selfishly, why couldn't I just have both?

"Tori! Have you seen my hot pink nail polish?" Trina screamed down the hallway. She quickly barged into my bedroom, where I was lying on my bed looking up at the ceiling like a retard.

"Ugh! I haven't seen your fucking nail polish, Trina! Now leave!" I waited to hear the pounding footsteps of Trina's fast feet but they didn't come. Instead she silently padded over to my bed and took a seat. I sat up to give her a curious look. Like, what the hell are you doing, type look.

"That's the first time you've ever sworn in front of me," said Trina quietly. My heart broke as I looked into her hurt eyes. I caved in and gave her a huge hug.

"I'm sorry Trina," I said. "I'm just a little on edge."

Trina pulled away. "Are you kidding? You think I'm upset, you're finally sounding like a normal, fucking teenager!" I gave her a disbelieving look. My sister would never actually understand real pain. I sighed. She was hopeless."However, even though I'm glad you actually sound like a normal human being, I do know that there's something wrong. Although I encourage your continuing swearing, right now it's a huge indicator something's wrong. So come on, tell me what's up." I looked at her nervously. I wasn't sure if I wanted to tell Trina. Sure, I needed to talk to somebody but that didn't mean that I wanted to talk to Trina. "Come on," she nudged me playfully in the stomach. "I was really cool when you came out of the closet, tell me what's happening!"

Her whining eventually got to me and I finally mumbled out, "Jade's memory is coming back."

"What!" Her eyes bulge out like an anime comic and I'm left to wonder if this is what I looked like when I heard the news from Jade. "Aren't you with Cat?"

"Yup," I said sullenly.

"Do you still love Jade?"

I pause for a minute to think. Even though Trina was vibrating against the couch, anxious for my answer, she remained silent and patiently waited for my answer. For that I was thankful.

"I think I might be," I finally admitted aloud.

"Do you think she's going to remember you and her… ya know… being with you?"

"I don't know," I deadpanned.

"Do you think she might start loving you back again?"

"I don't know."

"Do you know what you're going to do if she does?"

"No."

"Do you want her to?"

"I don't know."

"So, you're in quite the predicament here," she said.

"Obviously."

"I'm afraid lesbian love triangles involving an ex-girlfriend who lost her memory and a new girlfriend with a perfectly fine memory are not my forte. Now, if this were just a normal lesbian love triangle I'd know what to do. I, myself, am not lesbian but yet I've been involved in a lesbian love triangle." I gave her a skeptical eyebrow. She didn't notice. "I guess it's time I refer to my great knowledge of movies!"

I chuckled. She put her hands up to her temples and rubbed. "Well, in pretty much every movie out there the ex-girlfriend is always bad, but your situation is a bit different. In The Vow Channing's ex-girlfriend had memory loss. He never gave up on her. Then again…" Trina thought silently to herself, contemplating how to solve my problems for me. Eventually she finally spoke up, "I guess the best advice I can give you is some of the oldest in the book."

"What?"

"Follow your heart." She tapped my chest and gave me a beautiful, unselfish smile.

I flopped back down on my bed. "My heart doesn't know what it wants," I moaned into a pillow.

She leaned down next to me, "Matters of the heart are never easy. You just need time, patience, and the trust in yourself." Suddenly my dear old sister shot up. "That is like, brilliant advice. I should make a play about this and use that line! It would be a best seller! I'll make it as big as 'Chicago' was!" She raced out of the room. I laughed. Despite the awful sense of choosing I knew would eventually come and Trina's ever-selfish personality it was still funny. It was like a sign that even with all this shit going on Trina was still Trina, and the world would be okay as long as that stayed intact.

So Trina left me to write a not-so-bestseller play, so I could ponder my fate. Cat or Jade? My heart couldn't answer. It sucked being in love with two people at once.

1 Week Later…

Jade West

The sessions had been going well. Laura decided that hypnosis was my best chance of getting my memory back and so I've met with her afterschool everyday. We used to meet about two times a week, maybe an extra time if I had some sort of weird panic-crash attack, but now I was so eager to get my memory back that I went everyday. Some days were duds, which really sucked, but most days were good.

I had a few really great memories lately. There was one from when Cat and I were having a sleepover because my place was being fumigated. Man, messing with her Slap Bedtime Story Video was such a funny memory to relive. There was one where Tori and I were watching some movie together on the couch, her head in my lap. It was a boring memory, but still worth it. Finally there were quite a few memories about Beck and I. How I went to Cheesecake Factory with him, how I spent the night with him in his R.V because my parents had been fighting, and even a trivial memory of us just talking about lemonade.

I walked into the office and, as always, she sat in the chair of her desk, buried in her work. "Hey Laura," I said. I flopped onto the couch, lying comfortably on my back. "Let's get this session started."

"Wow Jade," she responded happily. "You sound almost… giddy for this."

"Well after remembering more about my life is really exciting to me," I replied. "Now chop-chop!" I snapped my fingers, bossing her around like she was a dog.

"Jadelyn, be patient. I'll be there soon," said Laura absently.

"I hate the name Jadelyn, that's why I go by Jade," I grumbled.

"Stop whining Jade," she said, making a point to say my nickname. "I'll be there in a moment." I silently complained in my head anyways as I waited for her to come.

Eventually the psych came around and sat on the chair across from me. "You ready?"

"Yeah," I said, bored. "I've been ready for the last ten minutes. Let's get on with it!" I watched the timepiece she was swinging back and forth and felt myself losing a hold on reality. The soft serenity of sleep called to me and I slipped away to a peaceful bliss.

"Pick a door," the familiar but not quite recognizable voice called to me. I looked around, and feeling like a little child, played eenie-meenie. Of course, Justin Bieber's all-too-addictive song ran through my head. Eventually I picked a dark purple door and walked through.

The bright golden light that blinded me as I walked in was different than some of the others. For some reason my subconscious remembered the other times I had been here. That blinding light had felt cold and gray before. This light felt warm and… pink. Ugh! The idea of such a… happy, Cat-like color running through my mind should've disgusted me. Yet, I couldn't help but revel in it's good feeling.

"Ahhh!" Jack the Ripper popped out from behind the wall. Everybody who'd ever seen the movie saw it coming, but still my Tori screamd.

"Tori," I whispered into her ear. "Relax, it's only a movie." I stroked her soft, brown hair gently in an effort to comfort her.

She looked up at me from where her head was placed firmly against my shoulder. "It's still scary."

"It's okay Tori," I said. "I'll protect you. I'll always protect you."

"I know, Jade." She leaned up to give me a peck on the cheek. The kiss quickly deepened as I put a hand up to Tori's soft cheek. God I loved feeling those cheekbones. The sound of Jack the Ripper stabbing the young hoe was forgotten by both of us as Tori put a hand on my hip, drawing me closer to her. After a few seconds of intense kissing I ran my tongue across her lips, asking for permission. She opened her mouth and the battle for tongue dominance began. I, of course, won as my tongue probed her sweet mouth. She tasted like… god I don't even know. The only other way to describe it was rainbows and unicorns and all the other gay thoughts in the world. And let me tell you, if you haven't had a kiss that makes you think gay thoughts, even if you're gay, than you've never been kissed. I slowly tipped us back against the couch, me on top of course. My hands traveled from Tori's cheek to her B-Cup breasts. I started rubbing the soft skin from through her shirt and she growled possibly the sexiest moan in the history of sexy. Her legs wrapped around my waist and I got the message.

I picked up the girl, who was as light as a feather, and started carrying her upstairs. Her soft hands ran through my hair and damn, what a rush. We eventually made it up to her bedroom and I laid her against her sheets. Soon I pulled back from her lips and started searching for that delicious pulse point of hers. Moving from my waist, Tori took over the job of boob fondling as I sucked on her pulse point, biting down ever so slightly. "Oh Jade!" The warm, wet feeling in my underwear was welcome. She murmured. I barely noticed when she started unbuttoning my black flannel. It was only until the warmth of her hands started tweaking my nipples through my bra, did I notice.

"Mmmmm," I said, against her neck. Her thigh slipped in between my legs and I rubbed against it. "Holy fucking crap!" This was probably the best feeling in the world, rubbing against Tori, kissing her, as she played with my breasts. I wanted more clothes off. Just as I was about to start taking off her not-revealing-enough V-neck she stopped me.

"Jade," she groaned against me. "We need to stop… before we loose control."

"Who says I want control?" I teased. I was about to get some friction on her thigh but it was soon replaced by air. "Tori!" I pouted.

"No Jade, you said that we would wait," said Tori.

"Doesn't this change the rules a little bit?" I asked. I knew that there was no hope it would, but I still tried.

"I wish Jade. I'd like nothing better than to take you right here and now." The statement instantly made my underwear even wetter. "But you promised me that we wouldn't do it yet."

Damn my fucking promises! I sighed. "You're really going to leave me all hot and bothered like this?"

"Yup," replied Tori with a smirk.

"Fine," I replied angrily. "Can I use your shower than? And a new pair of underwear, these are kinda… ruined."

Tori smiled that smile that totally made me forgive her for leaving me high and dry. "Sure. First drawer. I'll be downstairs." She gave me a kiss on the lips, which I, of course, tried to deepen. She quickly ended the kiss and with a loving smile walked back downstairs. God why did I have to be turned on by the biggest vagina tease in H.A?

As I quickly stirred from the dream-like state I started processing everything that just happened. To say that my mind was yelling, 'what the fuck' was an understatement. To say that my mind had just been blown to a thousand pieces, taped back together, blown again, and was now just completely shut down was more like it. I thought for a little while about what just happened, Tori and me making out, what was that? A fling? An experiment? A moment of weakness? Sure I've always found girls… nice to look at but I'm not gay… am I? It was only until Laura awkwardly cleared her throat did I realize that I'd totally had my hand down my pants his whole time.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No, I did not copy and past any of those.

I know I said I'd update Thursday and today is Saturday but I had a history paper Thursday night and Friday night I ran out of time. It may surprise you but I have a social life… lol, no I don't I was just being lazy and watching TV on Friday. Anyways, please forgive me for being 2 days late with that smexy memory. Shit. Just. Got. Serious. So, what's up next for this Jori stuff? And how will Jade react to being gay. I'm not sure yet. I'll update whenever I can, I'll try for A.S.A.P but having a character figure out if they're gay or not cannot exactly be easy to write (I'm assuming) so, yeah. Thanks for sticking with me!