Please note that I have changed the rating on this story. I've been toying with doing so for some time, but this chapter settled any linger doubts. So we're all on the same page, Adult Content Ahead. Also, I apologize for the length of this chapter. I just couldn't cut it.
Fire Meet Gasoline
It's dangerous to fall in love
But I want to burn with you tonight
Hurt me
Haley made the decision to keep a low profile for the sake of the people who care about her. People who have grown worried lately about the road she's headed down since Opie's incarceration. Which says a lot when outlaws think you're headed down the wrong path. In her attempts to keep her nose clear and out of trouble, Haley finds herself at the clubhouse on a Friday night instead of going out or hooking up.
In skin tight jeans and a reaper racer-back tank that stops just above her belly button, Haley still catches plenty of interested eyes on her, but only as a tease. Everyone there knows she's off limits, and any hang-around that may think otherwise is quickly put in their place. She may look tempting, but Haley is nothing compared to the temptation of half-naked croweaters roaming the lot. She's prettier and younger than most, but the amount of skin they're flashing makes them far more eye-catching.
In times past, Haley would have let loose. Moved about the party, kicking it mostly with Ope and Jax, but she would have made the rounds to see all her family before the night was through. Tonight she sits on top of a picnic table out front, the bottle of Jameson at her side her only companion as the party unfolds all around her, funneling out of the clubhouse. Jax hovers, sitting with her for a while before heading over to some of the guy, and then returning back again. Keeping tabs on her all night. Checking in, but not lingering for too long. With her old man nearby, she can tell he's still walking the fine line of respect and duty. So Haley keep to herself, taking hits off a joint and gulps down bittersweet whiskey that burns as it slips down her throat.
Her eyes scan the party, but it's lost its familiar charm. Felling too jaded and bitter, the spark can't find Haley tonight, but she refuses to admit she's still wounded by Opie's absence. Losing him stirred up that old festering feeling deep in her ribs. The sense of a big dark hole inside her, that nothing and no one will ever be able to fill. But she's too stubborn to say anything can break her down. She won't let them see her fall apart. So she puts her brave face on. As if she can take any hit and keep swinging, but under that bulletproof vest, Haley feels like she's just blowing smoke.
Her eyes are fixed on the dancing glow of a makeshift bonfire, flames licking out of an old rusted shipping barrel, straight from Ireland no doubt. Her thick skin is worn like a shield tonight, warding most people off, until Haley catches sight out of her periphery of someone taking a seat beside her on the table. Haley turns to see who she assumes will be Jax again only to come face to face with Tig. He flashes her a quick grin before stealing a hearty gulp from her bottle.
"Why you hiding over here, baby?" He asks with a crooked grin once the poison slips down his throat.
Unsure of what answer to give, Haley shrugs her shoulders. "Didn't feel much like partying, I guess." She answers flatly.
Tig eyes the bottle between them as his hand gives it a tilt to see how much is gone.
"Looks like partying isn't the problem." He notes, worry filling his dark eyes.
Holding his gaze, Haley musters a shrug, seeing no point in denying what he already knows, before her gaze drifts back out to the fire and she takes another hit.
Haley is still hiding behind her guard when she feels Tig's hand land on her knee, giving it a quick pat. Her eyes draw back to him and the look that awaits her, says without words how deeply she means to him.
"You know I'm always here for you, right baby? Whatever you're feeling… you don't have to be alone with it." Tig says, reaching out to her with his big heart he only shares with a select few.
Gazing at Tig, Haley's heart warms. Tiggy isn't the kind of guy most people would think has a sensitive side, but when it comes to his girls he does. She knows that in a lot of ways she fills the hole the absence of his daughters leaves. Close in age to Fawn and Dawn, Haley knows she reminds him of them. Acts like a surrogate for everything he can't give them, everything he's missing out on. It's a role she proudly takes, because he will always have a soft place in her heart. Tig has always made a point to keep her extra close, watch out for her. One of the few guys her mom actually likes, Tig got more access to the life she shared with her mom than most of the other guys, including Piney. But not even he saw the shadows hiding in plain sight.
"Thanks Tiggy," Haley softens, offering him the first real smile of the night. Pinching off the cherry to her joint before setting it down, she moves the whiskey bottle to the other side of the table and slides closer to him. Resting her head against the stiff leather on his shoulder as Tig wraps a strong arm around her back.
The music is blasting all around them, but Haley can still hear Tig's low crispy voice over the noise. "It's not easy when guys go inside, families get ripped apart, but that's when he gotta band together the most. We're all here for your sweetheart. Whatever you need."
Haley lets his words sink in. She wishes putting the pieces back together was that simple, but nothing makes sense anymore. Just then the song changes, a distinctive rhythmic drumming starts up, and Haley feels Tig stirs beside her. Rising off the table, Tig takes Haley by the hand, moving down to her pavement. A bright smile fills his face as he turns to her.
"I loved this song when I was your age." He reminisces, before pulling her near just as the guitar sings out its first chords, one of his hands falling to the curve of her hip, while the other joins their hands.
Before Haley can have a chance to protest, Tig has them moving to the music. The quick beat of the song fills her ears and Haley instantly recognizes the tune as a favorite of her own too, Fortunate Son by Credence Clearwater Revival. As Tig gets them swinging to the fast beat of the song, Haley lets it all go. Throwing herself into the moment as Tig has them dancing a quick little two-step to the beat. She had no idea he could dance until now. Loosing herself to the song, a bursting laugh rips from her lips as Tig spins her out before pulling her back in step, never missing a beat. The smile growing wider on her face as Tig sings off key the words he knows by heart, and for a moment, she remembers how much fun she can have when the weight of the world isn't rested upon her heart.
As the song begins to fade out, their feet still and their eyes meet. A grin holds on Tig's face as he takes the sight of her in. The look in his eyes feels warm and nurturing as Haley basks in it. Cupping her face, Tig plants a quick kiss upon her forehead before her speaks.
"Don't let all that noise in your head make you crazy baby." He says, trying to pass a word of wisdom he's had to learn the hard way as he finds her eyes once again. Flashing her one last smile, Tig snatches up the bottle from the picnic table and heads over toward Clay and the guys.
His absence makes the empty feeling inside her gut resurface. Her eyes glance around the party, all the people, spotting Jax briefly with the guys. She feels swallowed up by it all. As if this place isn't her home anymore. As if she doesn't know where she belongs. That sinking feeling sends her moving inside the clubhouse. Sliding past throngs of drunken bodies and heavy smoke, making her way over toward the bar. Haley has every intention of going in search of another bottle to drown this feeling at the bottom of, but she never makes it there. The bar isn't where she ends up. Her feet seem to have a mind of their own. Seem to know what she's really after, and before Haley even knows what she's doing, she finds herself standing in the back hall of the clubhouse, staring down the door to her brother's empty dorm.
Strike the match now
We're a perfect match, perfect somehow
We were meant for one another
Come a little closer
Staring at that empty hollow space, Haley feels lost. Feels like she's standing in a place she's known all her life, but she can't make the connection. Home suddenly looks foreign and unrecognizable. It's the life she's always known, but she feels like a stranger living it. Stuck on the edge, just out of reach. Opie was the glue that made this home, made her give a damn, without him she's not sure what she feels anymore.
She loves Gemma, loves the guys, and the club. She doesn't want to hurt them, but she doesn't know how to snap out of it, shake this feeling. The feeling of being completely alone in a crowded room. The feeling that she's screaming, but nobody can hear her. Her gaze is hinged upon Ope's empty room when she feels a steady hand wrap around her shoulder. Turning to see who it is, Haley is met with a pair of piercing blue eyes, and realizes she was wrong, he can hear her… He always does.
"You alright?" Jax inquiries with a tilt of his chin toward Opie's door. As his eyes drift back down to hers, his acknowledgment brings it all bubbling up to the surface and sends tears stinging Haley's eyes as she fights to push them down and remain strong.
"Come 'ere." Jax responds instantly, tugging her against his leather clad chest as his arm wraps around her back, his other hand tangling in her hair.
Taking a deep breath in, Haley gulps down the scent of Jax, leather and smoke, praying it will comfort her enough to push this all back down, but tonight it doesn't. She still feels like an open wound that needs mending.
Pulling back enough to glance up and find his eyes, Haley stares deeply unable to find the words. Sick of hearing her own mantra, sick of feeling lost and unsure of who she is.
"It is gonna get easier." He tries to reassure her as if he can read her mind. A sadness filling his ocean blue eyes for the pain he sees in her own.
As Haley feels Jax tuck a loose strand of hand behind her ear, the clouds part just wide enough for her to see it, a door in her walled up room. Opie isn't here, he can't be the glue anymore, and no one has the power to fill his void, but Jax can do something. He's proved time and time again he'll be there for her when she needs him most. She knows he's had missteps, but who hasn't. A glimmer of hope begins to fill the hole inside as Haley gravitates towards this chance. Rising up on her toes, she brushes his lips in a slow and tender kiss.
Pulling back, Haley lingers just a breath away, waiting to see if Jax will give in. Her eyes fall closed as she feels Jax's rough hands cup her face. Her belly tightens with anticipation as his warm breath dances across her mouth as his lips part. She's hanging by a moment by the time he leans in and kisses her back. Their lips move together in a beautiful synchrony of tightly wound passion and tender brushes. The fervor between them stirring back to life with the hold of their lips.
Conscious of being out in the open, where anyone could stumble upon them, Haley slowly pulls back after a few moments. Recapturing Jax's intent gaze as she lowers back on her heels, Haley reaches for his pocket. A curious look narrows Jax's eyes as Haley begins to dig around in the side pocket of his jeans, but he doesn't try and stop her as her eyes never release him from her grips.
Her hand slips free as she breaks their stare and moves down the hall of the clubhouse. Watching her move Jax tries not to get transfixed on the sway of hips and ass. Following her, Jax finally realizes she snatched the key to his room when she starts to unlock it. His mind cautions him that he already knows where this is leading, what she's after, and it would be a foolish road to go down with her, at the clubhouse no less, but he still finds himself following her as if he can't help himself.
Jax reaches the doorway to his room and straddles the entrance, as if his mind hasn't made up yet whether he's going to enter the lion's den. Watching Haley as she stops beside his bed, she doesn't say a word, lingering with her back to him for a moment as if a thought is mulling over in her mind, before slowly turning to face him.
As their eyes meet, she takes him by surprise and proves right every suspicion in the back of his mind as Haley reaches for the hem of her tank top, and pulls it over her head. Tossing the fabric to the floor, Haley meets Jax's gaze once again, and the array of emotions he sees in her orbs freezes him where he stands. Vulnerability, need, desire, fear, a twisted cocktail that he can feel deep in his gut is pulling for him.
This isn't like before, what's she's propositioning is something entirely different than anything they've done. They've played with fire, dipped their toes in its scorching flames, but this would be full immersion. This wouldn't bend the rules, this would obliterate them. He wouldn't just be betraying his best friend and Piney, going against their wishes, he'd be betraying all his brothers that live by the code of honor and respect for one another. Nailing a fellow club member's daughter and sister is a betrayal that would and should get his ass handed to him. All he has to do is talk to Juice to know that.
But the look in Haley's honey eyes as she stands before him in her black lace bra weakens Jax's judgement. Her creamy skin, smooth flat belly tucked between soft round hips, cloud Jax's mind. Something about Haley gets to him, always has. Innocently when she was younger, and now, the way he feels about her makes him weak.
It's undeniable she needs him, and undeniable she fears he may turn her down. The need in her gaze makes Jax wants to forget about rules for a little while, because he wants her too, because he fucked up and fell for her. Hearing the music thumping in the next room, the base bouncing off the walls, Jax's heart pounds as the look in Haley's eyes calls for him.
Jax knows the parties are rowdy enough that no one would hear them from the front room. And if anyone noticed his absence, wandered down the hall, and heard commotion in his room, they'd just assume he was nailing some crow eating twat. But Haley is a different matter, he isn't sure if anyone will notice she's gone. Isn't sure if people will think she just left the party or go in the search of her. All the unknown variables, all the possibilities for this to go terribly wrong, and yet in his heart, Jax already feels like his mind is made up. Moving on instinct alone, Jax slips inside his dorm, sliding his door closed behind him.
There's no going back as Haley moves to him, and truthfully, Jax doesn't want to look back as he meets her halfway, his hands capturing her face as their lips crash hungrily together. They move like a furious storm of colliding lips, ravenous mouths, and frantically groping hands. They devour each as they stumble about the room, moving blindly toward his bed. This moment building between them for so long it erupts like an explosion on contact.
Haley tugs Jax's kutte off his broad shoulders as his mouth moves insistently against her own. His kiss is greedy but tender as if he can't get enough. This is everything Haley ever wanted and feared all at the same time. Terrified this fire between them will destroy what they have, while also satisfying a desire she's secretly wanted for so long she'd written it off as nothing more than a school girl fantasy. Lost on his lips, entangled in his hands, Haley's reminded that Jax was the first guy she ever consciously wanted. And for a girl who often felt like she didn't have a choice, knowing her scarred heart chose Jax first is a big deal.
Tugging Jax's white tee-shirt off his body, Haley's mouth dips to the base of his jaw and starts blazing a trail toward his neck, exploring his newly exposed skin. Skin that her hands are already eagerly exploring. Letting her fingers graze and caress the groove of his muscles, while her mouth waits its turn with heated anticipation. She feels Jax's hands grip onto the curve of her hips, guiding her backwards, until the back of her legs collide with something.
Her lips stop momentarily as her hooded gaze peeks up at him through long lashes. The slow burn in his eyes makes Haley's stomach flip as she feels Jax pluck her onto the surface of his desk. A sly sexy grin transforming him into the guy no woman can say no to and sends Haley's mouth back against his collarbone hungry for a taste. The approving groan that grunts off his chest pushes her onward. Haley gets lost in the feel of Jax's hands roaming her body, while the heat of her mouth seduces him.
Haley can feel Jax's chest moving heavy and deep beneath her lips as she reaches for the belt on his jeans. She has the buckle undone and is popping the button loose when his hands suddenly come over her own, halting her advances. Pulling back, Haley's confusion filled eyes find him as Jax looks down at her guilty as hell.
"We can't do this." He states firmly as if he's been knocked back to his senses as he takes a step back from her, refastening his belt.
"What?" Haley says in disbelief, descending into deeper confusion as she slides off the desk and tries to move toward him.
Shaking his head, Jax takes another step back from her with a steady shake of his head.
"This isn't a good idea. You're upset. Everyone's out there. You're old man and Ope made it clear, you said yourself once… we can't." He states firmly, avoiding her eyes.
Jax wants this, wants her in a way that makes it dangerous for her to get too close. In a way that makes it hard for him to think straight when she's within arm's reach and looking at him with those eyes that are begging for his touch. He had started to fuck it up, make an impulsive selfish choice that would only hurt them both, but luckily he caught himself before it was too late.
The club is everything, it comes first, always. That's the only way the system can work. But sleeping with a fellow brother's daughter, his best friend's baby sister behind his back, that's a secret that if revealed could threaten the very fabric of the whole charter. Growing up, all Jax ever wanted was a Harley and a patch. And from the moment he was sworn into the club he knew nothing else could come first. And the thought of his best friend rotting behind bars while he tries to take his little sister to bed leaves Jax with a sick feeling deep in gut. All Opie ever wanted was to protect Haley, he had asked Jax to fill those shoes while he was gone, and the thought of what Jax has done with that time and privilege since Opie's been away feels like the ultimate betrayal.
Flame that came from me
Fire meet gasoline
I'm burning alive
Jax's sudden turn-around feels like a slap in the face and now that Jax won't even meet her eyes, Haley's furious. She already knows everything he's saying, knows what's at the heart of this, she just doesn't want to hear it. At this moment, Haley is sick of club rules, sick of the club making decisions that impact her life without her input. At this moment all she wants is to say fuck it to it all.
"Forget it." She answers back with a heated huff. Snatching up her tank-top before yanking it over her head, Haley turns back to him one last time.
"You know, I don't get it. You've fucked around with countless women, but I'm the line that can't be crossed." She flippantly throws at him, her eyes shooting with disbelief, before she spins on her heels and moves for the door.
Haley's retort hits Jax like a sock to the gut and watching her storm for the door, he feels ripped in two. Torn between the girl he's foolishly fallen for even though he knows he has no business doing so, and the club he has sworn this life to, to Ope who made it clear he doesn't want Jax involved with his sister. Haley put herself out there for him and he's turning her away. Turning away a girl he swore at a tender age to always look after. A girl who's turned into a woman, who makes his heart want to try again. And the sick feeling in his gut warns him what could happen is he lets her walk out that door. Warns that she needs his loyalty just as much as the club and Ope do right now.
With only a second to spare, Jax goes to Haley, wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her back flush against him.
"Don't leave, not like this." He insists, trying to stop her, protect her, and show her she does matter even if he's stuck between a rock and a hard place.
"Why?" Haley huffs, still upset with him for pushing her away as she resists his hold.
His arms are wound around her waist as his face lingers next to the back of her ear, Jax's knows he has to be completely real with Haley right now if he has a chance of getting through to her. "
You're not just a faceless pussy to me Haley, you never will be. I don't know why you'd ever want that." Jax states.
Untangling his arms from around her, Haley slips free from his grasp, and turns to face Jax. Her eyes piercing him with vulnerability as they meet.
"That's not what I want, but this is me, this is what I do. And in case you haven't noticed, my life is falling apart while you stand there worried about the right and wrong of this." Haley counters unable to hide the way her heart is breaking. Unable to hide that she feels like she's teetering on the edge of an abyss, wavering between the crumbling ground beneath her feet and the vast darkness below waiting to swallow her up.
Their gaze holds for a long moment as Haley watches her desperation weigh heavily in Jax's eyes. She's just about to turn and leave when Jax comes at her. His hands coming up to cradle her face as he propels towards her with such force, he sends Haley's back hitting his door with a thud as his lips crash into her own. The kiss is intense and electrified, it leaves Haley breathless when it breaks. His breath fans against her face as Jax rests his forehead against her own, his eyes barreling deep into her orbs.
"This really what you need?" He asks her on a husky breath that needs to know this is really what she wants if he's going to put everything on the line for her tonight.
Trapped in the confines of his hands, the sight of Jax consuming her vision, Haley's heart pounds out of control with fear. She swore she wouldn't cross the line with him. Swore she'd never let them take it to a place where it could risk it all. He's just too damn important to gamble, but she's desperate and dangerously drawn to him. Hopeless and adrift, everything has lost its light, but not him. Jax can still make her feel. Can still remind her she's alive. He's her hope, like Opie always was, but what they share is different than anything she's ever shared with anyone. So despite her uncertainty, the warnings going off inside her head, Haley throws caution to the wind for the sweetest escape imaginable.
"Yes." Haley answers back in a whisper that vibrates onto his lips, her eyes locked on his with determination. That's all the answer Jax needs.
Their gaze holds as the fire that summons in Jax's eyes sends Haley burning up inside and short of breath. She's seen desire many times before, but seeing it so intently in Jax's beautiful blue eyes sends a wanting ache vibrating through her body. Savoring her, Jax runs his thumb along her lower lip, tugging at the plump flesh as he licks his lips in anticipation, hungry for another taste. As his thumb slips away, Jax slowly moves in for the kill and Haley's lips part, waiting on bated breath. His mouth covers her own in a hard slow kiss. The passion of his mouth tells Haley Jax is reaching out to her, trying to show her this runs so much deeper than just getting off.
Haley's hands tangle in his long hair as their kiss begins to pick up it's pace. She barely gets a taste of his tongue, before Jax leaves her mouth. Trailing kisses along her jawline on a quest down her neck. His seducing mouth dipping down along her collarbone and lingering around the mounds of breasts. The burning nips of his teeth coupled with the soothing brush of his tongue against her sensitive skin sends Haley clutching Jax tighter as her head digs into the door, giving him more access as whimpered murmurs slip from her lips.
Haley lets him take the lead as Jax's strong hands trail up her figure, taking her tank-top with him. As her shirt slips over her head and their eyes catch once again, the heat she sees in Jax's pupil for her leaves Haley feeling desperate to taste him once again. Her hands cup his face with force as she pulls him down to her hungry lips. Their kiss sets Haley ablaze on contact as his familiar taste of cigarettes and bittersweet whiskey calm any lingering nerves.
Lost in a kiss she can't get enough of, Haley grips Jax tighter as she feels his hands grab her thighs and lift her off the ground. Wrapping her legs around his hips, Jax carries her over to his bed. Her hips grind against him in a feeble attempt relieve some of the ache building between her thighs, earning her a growl of approval from deep in his throat. Jax lays Haley down against his mattress, his body covering her as their kisses grows more frantic by the moment. Seduced by the feel of his warm body and soft skin now sliding against her own, Haley drifts away.
Breaking from their ravaging kiss, Jax's mouth trails back down her neck, slipping the straps of her bra off her shoulders as his lips return to her breasts. Haley can't think straight with Jax on top of her. All her senses can focus on is the feel of his hand massaging her breast while she melts under the feel of his hot mouth on the other. His tongue encircling her nipple before his soft lips close around the sensitive bud. Her breath hitches as her back arches into his touch and suddenly she needs to feel more of him. Reaching down between their bodies, Haley strokes the length bulging against the constraints of his jeans. Coaxing a groan of pleasure out of Jax that vibrates against her nipple still trapped inside his mouth.
The intoxicating sensation sends an urgency rushing through Haley's veins, a need to strip them of the clothes that are only getting in the way of exploring each other. Quickly, Haley grasps the belt on his jeans and starts working it free. Her heart pounds out of control, her nerves heightened as Jax's face rises from her breasts to meet her eyes. Hanging over her, the hunger is so palpable in his dark gaze it threatens to make her explode right there beneath him.
Hovering over her, Jax's heavy breath fans against her face, his eyes drilling into her own as her hands make quick work of his belt. Popping open the button to his jeans, before tugging the zipped down. A slow sexy grin forms on Jax's face before he leans down to capture her mouth in a slow succulent kiss and then pulls away.
Climbing off the bed, Jax stands at the edge, and promptly kicks his shoes off. Holding his baggy jeans up long enough to grab a small package from his wallet, he lets his jeans drop and pool at his feet. As Jax reaches for the waistband of his white boxers, his eyes lock intensely with her own as Haley follows suite. She tugs what's left of her bra off, before sliding her jeans and thong down her legs and tosses them to the floor.
The desire darkening Jax's gaze would be terrifying if it wasn't so arousing. His eyes sweep over her body as a sly smirk curves the side of his mouth, before his eyes recapture her own. Rising up on her elbows, Haley takes the sight of him in, all of him, having never seen Jax naked before. Her throat bobs as she swallows hard, her heart racing. Nudity doesn't bother Haley. She's been naked with a lot of men, seen a lot of naked bodies growing up around the club, but this feels different.
Jax is a fucking god, every curve of his body, every indent of his perfectly toned muscles, it all leaves Haley hopelessly intoxicated and desperately wanting, but knowing it's him terrifies her too. Knowing its Jax suddenly makes Haley feel unbelievably vulnerable and exposed. Where sex is concerned, Haley is always in control, and she never lets her partners have her, not all of her. Who she really is and who she becomes when her cloths come off are two people Haley's always kept separate, but Jax already knows her secrets, knows her better than anyone. That leaves Haley feeling completely bare and out of her element. Anxiety twists to life in her belly as these two worlds collide, sending Haley rising up on his mattress as she slowly draws her knees up to her chest for cover.
Unable to break away from Jax's gaze, Haley can tell he is reading her, seeing right through her. He knows her so well, knows what the look in her eyes mean. The heat burning in his ocean blue eyes ebbs away as his gaze narrows and Haley can practically hear the thoughts rumbling around in his head. Digging up her past, her history with men and sexuality. She's never been with a guy who knew the full truth of her secrets before. She knows he's taking into account what makes sex different for her, what makes her different. She can see worry cloud over his focused eyes as his conscience kicks in. And instantly she knows he's wondering if he's pushed her too far, if they should be doing this at all.
Just as her heart begins to pound with panic from all the noise that's unbearably loud in her head, Jax quickly yanks his boxers back up on his hips. Seconds later she feels his hand glide across her face, his palm cupping her cheek as he draws her gaze back to his.
"Hales, you ok? Do you wanna stop?" Jax says, his eyes searching hers for the answer her lips may try to deny.
Despite literally being in the heat of the moment, Haley can see his offer is genuine. Jax would stop in a heartbeat if that's what she wants. Might have aching balls and be in desperate need of an icy cold shower, but he would stop.
"No," Haley insists, her hand wrapping securely around his wrist to hold him close. As soon as she feels the touch of his hand on her face, Haley's anxiety begins to subside. Normally, she hates to be touched when her panic has come alive, but not this time. While Jax's hands have changed and grown over the years, his touch is something her body instantly recognizes. Something she knows is safe.
"We don't have to do this." Jax continues, his thumb smoothly stroking her cheek to back his words, his concerns for her outweighing his desire. Part of Haley is ashamed he has to see her like this. She hasn't had one of these moments in years and she knows it's because she's never done this before. Mixed intimacy and sex, never let herself really feel it. Be completely vulnerable with another person, not even with Hale. She knows that's what set off her panic, but she's not sure she can bear it if they stop, because he thinks she can't handle it. She's not sure she can bear it if Jax, out of all people, sees her as broken goods.
"I'm fine. I just had a moment." Haley rapidly dismisses the notion as she scoots closer to him on the edge of the bed. His concern for her reminds Haley why she needs Jax in her life, because he quiets her fear, and makes her want to trust even when every scarred instinct inside of her wants to go on lockdown. Because even though she's afraid to see it, she knows that no one feels the way Jax does about her. Haley feels his hands dig into her hair as she begins to tug at his boxers. Licking her lips, Haley kisses the V-line indent of his hip, running her tongue along the line of it. She hears Jax's breath deepen as her mouth moves to his happy-trail leading a path to exactly where she wants to go.
Tugging his boxers down as she goes, Haley savors the sound of Jax's breath growing ragged, the feel of his muscles tensing under each succulent kiss she places. Pulling his boxers down until they drop, Haley licks her palm before taking hold of him.
"Please," she begs, the grip of hand testing his concentration as the heat of her mouth teases his sensitive skin, before her mouth covers the tip.
"Fuck Haley," Jax hisses out on a husky senseless breath, his fingers digging into her scalp.
Exploring him with her tongue, Haley savors Jax's unique salty sweetness. Savors the way she can feel him coming undone, because of her. It's a powerful thrilling high knowing her mouth can melt Jax with the roll of her tongue. The pace of his ragged breath and grip on her scalp reassures Haley that whatever doubts he may have had, she's silenced them. She's just getting started when Jax's hands firmly wrap around her shoulders, gently pushing her back. As Haley looks up at Jax, the intense lust burning in his eyes sends Haley's thighs clenching from the aching want it leaves.
Careful but firm, Jax pushes Haley back down onto the bed as his body covers her, his lips crashing into her own with an insistent hunger that demands to be sated. His tongue exploring her mouth as if he can't get enough. She feels Jax find her hand and intertwine their fingers, before he drags it over her head, and pins it there. Finding her other hand, Jax momentarily breaks away from her mouth, his hooded eyes drilling and searching into her own from just inches away. Silently making sure she's ok with this. Her breath heavy, body wanton and begging for more as Haley nods subtly. "I'm not made of glass." She says, trusting him enough to take the control.
But it's a bad death, certain death
But I want what I want
And I got to get it
A devilish grin spreads across Jax's face as a mischievous spark ignites in his ocean blue eyes. Pinning her other arm above her head, Jax tilts Haley's chin back with his free hand before latching his mouth onto her neck, making it clear, it's his turn to have fun. Haley feel's Jax's hand breeze across her sensitive skin, faintly tracing her breasts, skimming across her belly, and dipping below. Her breath hitches in her throat as Jax's thumb makes contact with her clit. Her body arching up against him as a wave of delirium inducing pleasure washes over her body. Haley's eyes slip closed, her wrists twist against his grip as her body shudders from the wet heat of his mouth on her skin coupled with the tortious circles he's swirling against her clit with the pad of his thumb. His touch heightens the seducing pressure building inside her, edging her closer and closer toward that sweet release.
Jax's fingers caress her before sinking inside. Curling at the tips in an angle that hits just the right spot. A spot that sends desperate moans panting off Haley's lips as his fingers slowly pump inside her. Taking her on a trip so high she's not sure she'll ever come down again. Proving without words what a master Jax is. The room grows dizzy as Haley moves with his touch, her body begging him not to stop as he draws her closer and closer to the release she's desperate to reach. Every nerve on edge as Haley's breath begins to pitch off.
Reading her signals, Jax's mouth pulls back from her sensitive skin, she can feel his gaze heavy upon her even though her eyes remain closed. Teetering on the edge, Jax gives her the final push as his thumb brush her once more in tandem as his fingers sink in, sending Haley's body falling to pieces on impact. Her toes curl, her limbs tremble as an intense release rocks through Haley's body. Haley can barely breathe as Jax's name tumbles off her urgent breath. Every muscle in her body tensing and releasing as intoxicating heat rushes through her body like an inferno, ecstasy pumping from her pounding heart, speeding through her veins.
Haley rides out the high, milking it for every spark it can burn her with. Her eyes slowly flutter open and find Jax's orbs waiting as she starts to come back down. He looks on edge as if standing on the ledge of his own abyss after watching her burn up from his touch.
"You're fuckin' hot when you cum, babe." Jax's husky breath says as his desperate lips dive back against her own, needing to taste her as his hand begins to build the high back up again. Haley's barely coming down from one high when she feels her body begin to respond to Jax, reigniting that feverish hunger inside.
"Please… Please…" Haley begs, lost in his haunting eyes that are glazed with intoxication and hovering a breath above her. Begging him to stop this torture and give her what she really wants, him- all of him.
With eyes drunk on her and the sight of her coming undone, a slow sexy smirk forms on Jax's lips as his hand picks up the speed.
"Please what?" He tortures her, wanting to hear her say it.
Turned on by the little game he's playing, Haley doesn't want to give in, let Jax know the grip he has upon her, but she's unraveling at the seams all over again as his hand quickens its pace. Staring into eyes that mirror her own flame, eyes that look as high as she feels, Haley decides she doesn't care who wins right now as long as they keep going.
"Fuck me." She begs.
A primal grunt rumbles from within Jax with her answer. Saying just the words he wants to hear. Crashing into her mouth, Jax silences Haley with a searing kiss before pulling back. Rising on his knees, Jax retrieves the package he had discarded earlier on the edge of the bed. Rolling it on his length, Jax is lowering back onto Haley before her body has a chance to cool and miss his touch.
Diving against her lips, Jax positions himself against her entrance before sliding into her wet heat. Their mouths open against each other as a cry of ecstasy rips from both their lips. Haley trembles against the mattress as Jax sink deep inside her. The hunger inside her belly heightened as Jax begins to rock his hips against her, making them one.
Meeting him for every thrust, Haley hooks her heels into the curve of Jax's lower back as her nails dig into the contours of his back. Her eyes are closed as they come together in rapid succession. Everything but them slips away as Jax explores her needy mouth with a vengeance, while Haley grips Jax's firm ass, pulling him deeper within her with every thrust. Desperate moans rip from her begging lips, into his mouth as they collide. Getting lost in the moment, Haley follows Jax's lead as he rises up on his knees, taking her with him. His arm wrapped securely across her back, Jax pulls them up until he lowers down to sit on the mattress, and Haley finds herself straddled across his lap. Her eyes meet his heated pair fleetingly before her head falls back and her hips begin to roll against him without missing a beat.
But Jax takes Haley by surprise, ripping her from this moment of carnal heaven as she feels his hands suddenly grip her hips and still her. Haley's face lowers, finding Jax as her eyes reopen with a silent question hanging in her pupil. She feels one of Jax's hands leave her hip to cup her cheek as their eyes meet. The depth of longing in Jax's eyes as they pierce her own stirs a fluttering deep in Haley's belly with the intensity in his pupil. A shiver runs down her spine with the feeling that Jax can see inside her, reach deep inside her.
Exposed in such an intimate and vulnerable position, Haley panics. Terrified, her eyes clamp closed, shutting him out. She doesn't do this. She doesn't connect with her partners in this way. Trying to hide inside, close all the doors so Jax can't see everything, see what she's never shared before, Haley tenses until she feels Jax's mouth brush tenderly against her own in a quiet kiss that she can feel is calling to her.
"Open your eyes," His husky breath tries to coaxes her, his hot breath dancing against her lips as his thumb gently sweeps against her cheek.
Haley's stomach clenches with nerves, every guard inside her on edge, but slowly Haley's eyes open. Instantly her orbs are hit with the security of Jax's. The weight of them and all the emotions battling inside Haley is suspend between them in that moment, before a smooth genuine smile curves Jax's lips just for her. Not the sexy smirk he gives to the girls when he wants to be charming and irresistible, but something rare and beautiful in its honesty.
It's a smile that instantly calms Haley's nerves, reassures her fears, reminds her how much she trusts him, and sends a smile of equal affection rising on her lips in return, making his grow bigger. Haley's stomach clenches, as she feels the hand still locked on her hip kneed her soft flesh before beginning to move and guide her body back to life. Guiding her to move slow but deep as their eyes lock for every touch.
"Stay right here," Jax's whispers off a deep ragged breath, his eyes locked deeply with her own, his hands still secure against her cheek and hip.
Intoxicatingly slow their bodies' moves as one. Trusting Jax completely, Haley holds onto him with every ounce of faith she has inside. This isn't like anything she's ever done before. They aren't fucking. She's too chicken shit to call what they're doing by name, because it goes beyond anything she's ever been willing to do with anyone before, give herself completely. Staring into Jax's eyes as they move like one, Haley feels like he can see inside her. See it all, even the ugly, but instead of turning away from her darkened corners, he never looks away. He dives in deeper.
Connected from every cell in her body. It's terrifying and thrilling all at the same time, as Haley feels an organ deep inside her chest come to life in an undeniable way Haley has never felt before. In a way that brings her to her knees with the realization that she loves Jax. And lost on his eyes, as close as two people can be, Haley can feel Jax loves her too.
The slow steady pace while their eyes hold unwaveringly together creates an intense pleasure building in Haley. The kind of pleasure that she knows will leave her engulfed in flames when it explodes. Following his lead, letting Jax's hand guide their steady deep pace, Haley can barely hold it together as her panting breath quietly whimpers. So connected to Jax she's not sure where he stops and she begins makes this more heightened and intense than anything she's ever experiences before. Her muscles tense, her hips jerk uncontrollably as she straddles the edge of the most intense release her body has ever experienced. And the dark hooded look in Jax's eyes as he watches her dance the edge threatens to be her final push as Haley's lips beg his name, calling from some relief her mind can't articulate.
Jax seems to know exactly what she needs as he brings Haley back down to the mattress, his gaze heavy upon hers as he slams quick and deep into her body, the shift sending Haley over the edge. Lights spark off across her vision as her body ignites with the release. His panting breath and slick skin feel like they're melting into her own. Her back bows, hips rising up to grind into Jax as her mind descends into a delirious ecstasy. His name cries desperately from her lips as she burns alive in intoxicatingly sweet flames, the kind that take her higher than she's ever been before. Gripping her cheek to keep her with him, Haley can tell from the focused madness in Jax's eyes that the sight of her coming undone will be the finally push that sends him over the edge too.
"Fuck" grunts wildly off his desperate lips as Jax's head drops to her forehead and his muscles twitching controllably under her palms, his hips jerking erratically as he finally lets himself have his release.
Jax lingers close to Haley, his forehead resting against her own as their panting breath mingles between them. Haley's hands reach out for him, gently tracing the stubble of his cheeks trying to imprint this moment in her memory forever as Jax's eyes hold closed while he tries to come back down. When his eyes finally reopen and lock with Haley's again, she feels his hand find her cheek too. His thumb tenderly sweeping across her flushed skin as a sweet smile curves across his mouth. When she smiles back, Jax leans in, and Haley can feel that smile against her mouth as he gives her a tender kiss.
Pulling back with an ach, Jax rolls onto his back. Haley stares numbly at the ceiling in a blissful haze. She's tugging the sheet up and around her sweat glistened body, when she feel Jax pull her his way. Placing her head upon his chest, her limbs drape across his body, his arm encircles her as Haley instantly feels exhaustion take over. Her hand idly traces shapeless doodles against his skin until exhaustion wins out and she succumbs to sleep.
Haley awakens to the faint traces of light leaking in through the window blinds, nagging at her eyes. But before she even opens them, her senses register the warm solid body she's tangled up in. His muscles are firm but skin smooth as her flesh blankets it. Haley's eyes flutter slowly open and the sight of Jax asleep beneath her cheek burns her vision. Her fingers twitch on his bare stomach. Her face resists the urge to nestle in deeper against his chest.
Haley's never awoken this peaceful while tangled up with someone else, never awoken so satisfied. The loneliness in her chest from last night is momentarily gone, but a different ache takes its place as the night before washes over her. Everything she and Jax did, how far they took things. Her heart begins to pound in the tight confines of her chest as it all comes back to her, and her belly instantly begins to fills with knots of uncertainty. She doesn't know how to do this. How to trust it. Her heart is too scarred and on edge to know how to simply give in.
Her honey orbs filter up to Jax's peacefully sleeping face and the heart caged inside her breastbone longs to stay there in his arms. Longs to never leave this perfect place. Longs to be normal and be able to enjoy this moment for the beauty that it is, but with the morning light, Haley knows it can't stay perfect. The sunlight only seems to draw a spotlight onto all her insecurities, onto all her fucking cracks and chipped edges. To make matters worse, there's only silence she hears beyond Jax's door. The party is long over, and sooner or later people will start to wake, if they haven't already, and if they find her naked in Jax's bed, he'll be looking at a world of hurt. A beat down at the very least, because of her. And after watching Juice get the shit beat out of him for touching her, Haley can't bear the thought of bringing that wrath down upon Jax.
Gnawing on her lower lip, Haley remembers the look in Jax's eyes as their bodies came together last night, two halves that together inexplicable felt like one whole, and it terrifies Haley. All the scars left from men before him, make this one beautiful moment with Jax feel unbelievably overwhelming. Wrapped in his arms, alone with the anxious thoughts of a mind that's been twisted around for so long it doesn't know what the right path is anymore, Haley doesn't feel ready to face the weight of them.
Needing time to sort this out, make sense of it all before she faces him, Haley untangles from Jax as gently as she can. Moving like a church mouse about Jax's dorm, Haley locates her scattered cloths and attempts to make herself decent. Running a hand threw her tousled hair, Haley tries to make herself at least passable in case she runs into anyone. Moving toward the door, Haley's feet stop, her heart aching as her gaze falls back onto Jax still asleep on the bed. That traitorous organ she's managed to keep quiet her whole life until him, begs her to say fuck it, and crawl back into bed with him where she belongs, but the survivalist inside her mind wins out like always. Turning away from Jax, before it gets any harder, Haley quickly slips out of his dorm room door.
When the fire dies, Dark in the skies
Hot as a match, Only smoke is left
Sia –Fire meet gasoline
Authors Note: I need to start by saying I've never written anything like this chapter before. I've written scenes leading up to the bedroom, I've ever gone inside a little, but I've never tried to write the full experience. I would like to give a shout out to Kateniss. She offered me some good guidance, because I was very nervous about this chapter, still am. Overall, I'm happy with how it turned out and I hope you all are too.
I'm sure some of you are very upset with Haley after this chapter. That's understandable, but Haley's in a real dark place right now and got in over her head with Jax. Took it somewhere she neither planned to take it nor was ready for. I think the saying is true, we accept the love we think we deserve. And the love that Jax showed Haley isn't the kind of love she's ever felt she deserved. I think that's pretty understandable of a girl who's been through so much. That's a big reason why she makes such horrible choices with men. Why she's running at the first sight of something good. It feels undeserved and overwhelming to her.
I tried to make Jax's battle pretty clear. Like in the show, he's a man torn between love and duty. Torn between following his heart and doing right by the club and his brothers. And choosing to side with Haley and his heart, really goes to show how deep his feelings run for her. What he's willing to put on the line for her. Even though his choices are going to weigh more heavily upon him in the morning light.
I really loved writing the Tig and Haley moment in this chapter. To honest, Tig wasn't one of my favorite characters, but after meeting Kim, he made me see Tig in a whole new light. So plan on more of that.
Thoughts?