Disclaimer: the wonderful Stephenie Meyer owns the characters and world of Twilight. I owe her big time for the happiness she has brought to my consciousness this year.
Warning: Hmmm nice refreshing gently squeezed lemons over ice...Dedication: For RiaMaria – enjoy :D
Music vibe: The Killers - Can You Read My Mind?
CHAPTER 25: THINGS IN MINDBPOV:
"Edward?" I was in the nursery with Renesmee getting her dressed. She was now 23 days old and another couple of millimetres longer than yesterday.
"What is it, love?" His voiced carried through from our bedroom.
"Can we go over to Charlie's house today?"
"Er....yeah sure...." I noticed the caution in his voice. "What for? You want to take Nessie for a visit or something?"
"No I don't want to take Renesmee for a visit or something." I rolled my eyes and huffed as my traitor husband called our daughter by her nickname. "I just want to quickly pop over there to pick up some bits and pieces I think I left behind."
"Well it wouldn't take us long. Technically. The one thing that worries me is the scent of your dad in the house and what it might do to you."
I thought about this a moment. "Well given I can just about tolerate Charlie's presence here at the house, I imagine I'd be able to handle being over at his place for a short while, wouldn't you?"
"What's so all-fired important that you need to go and collect? Couldn't Alice get it for you?" Edward ambled through from the bedroom.
"Um no. I want to have a look myself. Things were so rushed before the wedding that I didn't feel I got everything."
Edward leaned against the wall with his arms crossed and his customary crooked grin. "Trust me - if there was anything worth bringing, then Alice would have brought it, but if you want to go over there, then by all means I'll take you."
"Thanks." I felt relieved. The trip over there was only an excuse really and I was glad that Edward couldn't read my mind. It was sentimental, but I just wanted to reconnect a little with my old self and I felt sure that being in my old room would do that for me. While I loved being a vampire now and Edward's wife and equal, I felt I'd lost a little of myself and some of our old relationship in the transformation. Some of the memories were dimming already and I wanted to go over there sooner rather than later.
I tickled Renesmee's tummy, raising a giggle from her, and then picked her up to hand her to Edward while I got ready to go out. I could hear him crooning to her as I cleaned myself up and got dressed. Fifteen minutes later we were on our way to the main house for Renesmee's breakfast and morning "communion" with the family.
We spent a couple of hours there as I mentally prepared for our side journey. We decided to make the trip before lunch while I was still well fed from the previous afternoon's hunt. A smile crossed my face as I recalled that particularly satisfying event. I caught Edward's look of curiosity and just smiled at him.
I rang Charlie to warn him I'd be stopping by the house and not to be surprised if I disturbed anything. He confirmed he couldn't be there as there had been an incident which required his presence. He said he would be sorry to miss me but he'd probably come over to the Cullen house early afternoon, all being well.
Alice wanted to come along with Edward and me to my old home, but I felt strongly I didn't want anybody there except for Edward. In fact I was glad my dad wouldn't be there as I wanted time to freely roam the house and not have any other witnesses to any potential reaction I might have. Alice was gracious in her acknowledgement of that and when Edward asked her if she foresaw any problems, she indicated I would be fine - in fact "more than just fine".
With that enigmatic reply, she and Jasper decided to leave the house quickly to go on a sudden side trip of their own, leaving Edward with an amused smile on his face and me with a perplexed expression. As Carlisle had warned me, I would have to get used to being one step behind in these Edward/Alice silent exchanges.
Edward moved his Volvo out of the garage in readiness for the journey and waited for me to join him. I kissed Renesmee goodbye with a promise of being back soon for lots of cuddles. My gorgeous husband kissed my hand when I got in the car and he moved us down the driveway at speed, heading towards town.
This would be my first test of driving through Forks and being near humans other than Charlie. As a precaution, Edward had thrown the locks down on the car doors, but they would be no obstacle if I decided to break free in a hurry.
I sat beside Edward nervously as he drove with one eye on me, his body language indicating concerned alertness but not outright tension. Every now and then he would touch my cheek in reassurance and I would smile weakly at him. He was trying to distract me from looking out through the windows at the humans we passed by. It didn't take long to scoot through town and out the other side to our house, which was in fact fairly near the Cullens' house as the crow flies, but a longer route by road.
We arrived at the house without incident and I exited from the car with a little trepidation. Edward swiftly moved to my side and held my hand as we walked up the path to the front door. Edward dug out the door key in a blur which no human would have seen. I took a deep breath of fresh air, pausing before we entered the house. Steeling myself, we stepped over the threshold and I walked back into the world I had left behind what seemed like a lifetime ago.
So much had changed in my own experience since I'd left this house as a teenage bride-to-be. I stopped in the hallway and looked at my surroundings. So far as this house was concerned, nothing much had changed at all. Everything I could see in the kitchen was just as I had more or less left it. There were a few dishes in the sink but no other outward sign of anything other than what I would have found in the usual routine of coming home from school. The same could be said for the living room. Even the fleecy blanket I had used so much over the earlier months of the year was still flung carelessly over the back of the couch, almost certainly where I had last thrown it.
I moved towards the blanket without thought to straighten it, but Edward stilled me with a touch to my arm. "Better not."
"Oh. Ok." There went some of my inhaled fresh air.
"Let's go up to your room and get the search over quickly."
We walked up the stairs and towards my room, past Charlie's bedroom. The door was ajar, so I kept my mouth shut and did not breathe until I reached my old bedroom.
The moment I stepped into my old room, I let out an involuntary gasp as several different memories flooded into my consciousness: not wanting to leave my bed for days after Edward left, writing my essays for English class, emailing my mother from the desk over by the wall, leaning out of the window looking for Edward only to nearly faint from shock when I discovered him lying on my bed, being embarrassed by my tatty PJs despite Edward's admiring looks, snuggling up with him for the night and not feeling safe unless he was there. All surfaced quickly and flashed across my internal camera lens.
My thoughts ranged far and wide as I scanned the room. The main thing that hit me was the scent. The smell above all released in me a very basic response, almost like adrenaline. I went into super-alert mode. Venom filled my mouth even though I realised it was in fact my own scent I was inhaling, but a tangier version of it. My hackles rose as my body automatically sought out the "human Bella" producing that enticing scent.
Edward had seen my reaction and stood behind me clasping my arms as my eyes roved the four corners of the room, while I now snarled and tried to come to grips with what my own scent did to me. It was truly weird.
After about five minutes, I steadily gained control and the fire in my throat subsided as my brain urged my body to relax and not to be so silly. Edward wrapped his arms around me and hugged me close to his body. He held me there as I leaned back into him slowly but surely and breathed into his neck, taking in his scent to mask the one around me.
"Why are you putting yourself through this?" he asked me quietly.
"I just needed to re-connect. Didn't realise my body would do this with my own scent. I was prepared for Charlie's scent but not mine. Why doesn't my body recognise it as friendly?"
"Humans don't realise what a body releases in the way of chemicals and pheromones. Vampire senses break them down into component parts for tracking purposes. Everybody has one singular identifying marker in their scent. It's why I could always find you and why I needed to be near you to desensitize myself constantly."
I was gazing up at Edward's face so he dropped a kiss on my upturned face. I looked back at the single bed, remembering how I used to look forward to bedtimes when I knew Edward would join me and lie beside me in a restrained but loving fashion while I went mad with lust or simply fell asleep from exhaustion.
"Looking at that bed, I'm remembering how sweet you smelled to me when you would wait for me while I showered. I couldn't wait to crawl in next to you and sprawl on your chest for the night."
He chuckled in my ear. "You don't know how good you smelled to me back then too. How irresistible you were. How close I came to ravishing you night after night." Edward cuddled into my neck and then walked me towards the bed which was fully made up with my laundered old bedding, much neater than when I used the room daily.
"Tell me about those nights when I was sleeping."
Edward laid himself down on the bed and encouraged me to snuggle up to him, just like old times. He hugged me with one arm and ran his other hand through my hair slowly, taking in a breath while he composed his thoughts.
"Well you remember I used to sing you to sleep, don't you?" I nodded. "It didn't used to take you long to nod off. I loved listening to your breathing change and your heart rate slow down as you sank into a peaceful state and into deeper sleep. I would read or listen to music during that time, comforted by the steady beats of your heart and the cooling of your body."
He squeezed me and smiled as he continued. "Then after a few hours, your heartbeat would increase and I knew you would start talking soon. This was the most beautiful part of my night as I listened to your subconscious fight its way out to me. I couldn't concentrate on anything but listening to you and wondering what you might say."
"I must've spouted some rubbish when I babbled."
"Yes and no. Some of it would be clear as a bell. I loved hearing my name. You would always follow it with a sigh, which was like a dart to my heart. I was thrilled every time you mentioned me and it would be like the very first night I watched you and heard you call my name. I couldn't deny my feelings for you that night as they crystallised from wanting to kill you and turned into the realisation that you would be my obsession from that moment on and that I just had to have you in my life some way, any way."
Edward hugged me tighter and bent down to kiss my temple.
I smiled with secret pleasure. "What else? What did you think about?"
He sighed. "Night after night, you would wriggle in the bed after you'd stopped talking. You would often turn over and push yourself back against me. As your body heated up in cycles, your scent would become almost overpowering. As you dreamed and wriggled around, I would be awash with all sorts of emotions and desires. It took me a good long while to accept that I was feeling pretty normal teenage lust, just magnified a thousand times because of my vampire senses!"
"Why did you never take advantage of me?" I half-turned back towards Edward, looking back up into his face. I could see him grimacing as he recollected those times.
"Bella, my love, like I said, it took me all my control to button down my instincts to ravish you night after night and make you mine because I knew that if I gave in, then at some point, I wouldn't be able to stop from biting you. As you now know, the urge to bite during sex can be overwhelming and you know full well I simply couldn't risk it."
"But you managed to do some heavy petting with me eventually. You had amazing control."
"Yes but remember what I had to go through to reach that stage! After I nearly lost you, I knew I had to give you something in return for your trust in me. I also had to win your trust back. But the bottom line was, I so badly wanted to touch you and by that time, I could do it. You and I both have amazing control. It's what sets us apart from the others much of the time."
"I remember how much I lusted after you and how frustrating that was." I chuckled darkly at those months of sexual near-delirium when visits to the bathroom were frequent and satisfaction only gained through some deft handwork. I was glad that Edward couldn't read my mind at those times too.
Edward smiled down at me. "I know you lusted after me. I could smell it. Couldn't believe my luck that you would feel that way about me, but I was tormented at not being able to follow through fully and show you what you did to me. You didn't know just how damned sexy you were without even trying. It took me a while to overcome my inhibitions and find some other form of release when you weren't around. Emmett thought it was hysterical. Not to mention having a full and frank discussion with Carlisle about sex and semen and my venom!"
"Oh yeah, I couldn't keep my eyes off your bulge sometimes." I giggled at the not-so-vague memory when I looked hopefully at his groin. "To say it drove me mad was an understatement."
"Really? You never said anything. How much did it drive you mad?" Edward stared down at me and licked his lips.
"Ooh probably about as much as I drove you mad in my sleep if what you're telling me is true." I smiled back up at him invitingly. When I ran a hand down his body behind me, I could tell that he had a bulge once more. "Mmmmm, nice..... Do you remember how we never stopped petting once we got started with it?"
"Oh yeah. Thank goodness we could do that, even if it nearly killed me." Edward leaned forward to kiss my cheek and he chuckled in my ear as he held me close. He reached under my top and put a hand on my breast. "Remember how I used to do this to wake you some mornings?"
"Uh-huh. That was a nice way to wake up." I enjoyed it as Edward gentled massaged my breast and flicked the nipple into alertness.
"Remember how I used to do this as well?" His hand moved down and under the waistband of my jeans and undies. His finger started to describe a slow erotic circle around my clitoris.
"Uh-huh. That was wonderful too. I couldn't believe it the first time you agreed to do that to me. Up until then I thought I'd pass out from frustration from you constantly saying no. Instead I nearly passed out at your touch!"
Bringing that recollection to mind was a good reminder that Edward had been as accommodating as he could have been in the circumstances. I realised now how tough that must have been for him.
Edward's finger movements became more insistent. "Hey sweetheart, I've got a package here that needs opening."
I could feel myself getting slicker as Edward's hand worked some magic on me. His groin was now pressing into my backside as we spooned together on the bed fully clothed. He was starting to gently thrust into me as his bulge swelled more urgently. I felt a wave of lust sweep over me and turned my face to his as he reached down to cover my mouth with a deep kiss. His tongue probed and his sweet scent washed over me making me croon and push back into him.
While he kissed me, Edward steadily undid my jeans and started moving them down my legs, swiftly followed by my panties. He undid his own jeans and moved them down, releasing his cock which slid between my buttocks and across my opening. I nearly leapt off the bed with the intensity of feeling and an odd feeling of guilt.
Even though I knew him and his body well enough by now, there was something extra spicy about doing this in my old room. Him touching me this way on my old bed was all my old dreams coming true and added that extra frisson to the occasion.
Edward tugged me in to his body and chuckled a dirty laugh as he realised what was probably going through my mind. "Don't worry, I'll tell you if your old man comes home."
I growled at him. "You'd better or I'll be withdrawing privileges from you for a while."
"As if you could! You can't resist what I've got here for you." He thrust over my opening again, sending spider fingers of pleasure scooting up my insides and tingles between my cheeks. I moaned in agreement with him. He adjusted my position for his next pass, tilting me towards him, and this time rammed his entire length into me from behind in one movement. It felt so good that I shuddered and clenched. He withdrew his full length and then rammed it back in again, sending another wave of pure pleasure up my body. I could only groan and gasp.
"I wanted to do this to you time after time, night after night, again and again....." he breathed into my ear, punctuating each repetition with another thrust. "I wanted to fill you with my manhood and make you scream with pleasure."
He kept thrusting as I bent my head in towards my chest with how good it was making me feel. "I wanted to overload you and make you come all over me. I wanted your wetness all over me. I wanted to pour my seed into you." More thrusting goodness hit me as he whispered these dirty epithets in my ear.
"Oh God...I love it when you talk dirty!"
"I wanted you to feel good all over." He fingered my mound some more, moving from there to my breast and back again. I clenched him tighter as he kept thrusting and thrusting, speeding up steadily. I could feel the coil in me tightening and groaned with deep pleasure.
"I wanted to make you feel as good as you were making me feel. I dreamed of doing this to you in a hundred different ways in a hundred places a hundred times a day. The thought of you gave me such hard-ons that I ran miles to get away from my own desires."
Edward rolled me onto my back and quickly moved over me. He whipped off the clothing from the lower halves of our bodies. In an instant, he was back inside me, looking into my eyes as he made love to me on my old bed after all this time.
I looked up into his face, tracing his lips with my finger and kissing him. "God I wanted you so badly. I had you in my dreams and I so wanted you when I woke up."
"I know, my love. Here I am. This is for all those times I couldn't oblige you."
Edward tenderly kissed me for a moment and then was swept away as his lust took him over. His tongue made love to mine urgently, probing deeper as he went deeper inside me with his manhood. He lifted my hips and drove himself home so hard that I could feel him touch deep inside me.
I couldn't help but shout out when he did that – he grinned and held me still as he thrust still harder until I couldn't hold out anymore and exploded around him, bucking and moaning under him. He swooped in to capture my breaths of release and joined me in our dive headlong over the edge into blissful orgasm.
Edward always made me feel this way. I hoped to goodness it would never ever stop.
I later realised that the most important things I had left behind were things which Alice could not have helped with. Only Edward could ever truly help me.
A/N: Of course they heavy-petted ahead of the wedding!
Thank you to everyone who has taken the trouble to leave me feedback. Special thanks also go to AwesomeSauce76, Content1, CorvidCoccinelle, EliseShaw, LaTua(dot)Cantante(dot)83, RiaMaria & Totteacher who have been hugely supportive and patient. Please check out their stories – these women are amazingly talented.