Standing in the hallways of the airport, Chef looks into the camera. "Last time on Total Drama Catch Him If You Can." Flashbacks of the previous episode start playing. "Chris escaped because of Hit-Girl, so the final two are Ayane and Noodle. Seriously, what else do you expect me to say? You're just going to skim through this to see who's in next season and who wins this season, and I'm less sure about the latter. Well, here we go."
Intro song plays.
"Alright, I think you already know the challenge," said Chef. "First one to catch Chris wins one million dollars. On your mar…where'd you go?"
Ayane and Noodle had already darted away from Chef, searching for a way onto the tarmac, "Look, I don't care which of us wins," said Ayane. "As long as Chris goes down, I'm happy."
"Unfortunately, it looks like we might not catch him in time," said Noodle. "There are just no doors to get out of here."
"Stand back," said Ayane. Ayane raised her hands and began chanting in Japanese. As she did, a cloud of energy started forming around her hands, until Ayane gave a command and unleashed the energy, blasting a hole through the wall.
"You know, we could have just used the hole Chris made when Hit-Girl sent him through it," said Noodle.
"Shoulda, woulda, coulda," said Ayane. "Fact is I blew something up, now we have a jerk to catch." Ayane jumped through the hole she created and onto the runway. Noodle shrugged and followed suit.
"There he is," yelled Noodle, pointing towards one of the hangers down the other end of the airport.
"We'll never catch him in time," said Ayane.
"Need a lift?" someone called out behind them. Ayane and Noodle both turned to see Sabriel driving towards them in an SUV. The back doors were open, with Finn and Hit-Girl reaching out to grab them. Both girls accepted the hands extended for them and got in.
"I didn't know you knew how to drive," said Ayane.
"I don't," said Sabriel. "There's not much need for cars in a place where electrical equipment doesn't work. That's why I have Ponyboy here telling me what to do."
"Ponyboy?" said Noodle, looking into the front seat. Sure enough, a fourteen year old kid was sitting in the front seat beside her.
"Yeah, his brother's a mechanic, so he knows a bit about cars," said Sabirel.
"Sabriel, I think we need to slow down," said Ponyboy.
"Says who?" asked Sabirel.
"Says the wall of the hanger we're about to run into," said Ponyboy.
"Oh, that," said Sabirel. "Now, which pedal was it? The right one?"
"No, that's the…" started Ponyboy, as Sabriel slammed on the accelerator and went straight through the wall of the hanger. Ayane and Noodle (the only two who hadn't bothered with seatbelts) flew through the front windshield, but landed on their feet and continued after Chris.
"Is everyone okay?" Sabriel asked the other occupants of the car.
"I think I have whiplash," said Finn.
"I think I *beep* out my heart," said Ponyboy.
"You're lucky we're on the same side, because I wanna *beep* execute you for that *beep*," said Hit-Girl.
"Well, at least those two are okay," said Sabriel, watching them running towards a plane Chris was boarding.
Meanwhile, with Ayane and Noodle…
"It's over Chris," said Ayane, drawing her sword.
"I don't think so," said Chris. "Faith? Rogue? Take them down."
"'Bout time I got to do something," said a brown haired girl who appeared from inside the plane. She jumped down to the ground and drew a knife. "You can just call me the Slayer."
"And you can call me the Female Tengu," said Ayane, charging at Faith.
"Rogue? You gonna help or not?" demanded Chris.
"Why don't you make me?" said Rogue, appearing from inside the plane.
"Okay," said Chris, pressing a button on a remote control. Suddenly, Rogue began convulsing like she was being electrocuted. "Have I made you yet?"
"No…" said Rogue. Chris sighed and pressed the button again, shocking her again. "Okay…fine…" she wheezed, climbing down the stairs to where Noodle was standing.
"There's a good girl," said Chris, walking back into the plane. "PILOT! Let's go." The plane door closed with an ominous bang, and began moving out of the hanger.
"Rogue, you don't have to do this," said Noodle.
"I don't want to do this," said Rogue. "But Chris needed protection. Faith over there agreed without a second thought, but I turned him down. Then he knocked me out, and when I woke up I had a chip in my neck."
"That bastard," said Noodle.
"He also made me take the powers of all my friends," said Rogue. "Now not only am I under his control, I'm practically invincible."
"A terrible combination," said Noodle.
"I'm going to go as easy as possible on you," said Rogue. "But Chris may force me to up my game. Please don't hate me for this."
"I was already redirecting that hatred at Chris," said Noodle, just as Rogue threw the first punch. Noodle blocked the blow easily, but felt something odd where her skin made contact. "What's happening?" she asked.
"It's my power," said Rogue. "If I make contact with you, I can sap away your energy, your strength, and your memories. Try not to make contact with me."
"Damn it Chris," said Noodle, dodging another punch.
"Hey girls, let me take it from here," came a voice from the entry to the hanger. The four girls fighting turned to see Patrick walking up to them.
"Patrick, no offense, but I think these two have more powers than you could hope to have," said Noodle.
"Puh-lease," said Patrick. "I heard what Rogue said, and because I'm normal she won't get much out of me."
"Oh really? What about me then?" demanded Faith, marching up to him. Patrick responded by pushing her backwards, where she tripped over someone.
"Mmf mmf," said Kenny, standing up.
"Kenny? Where'd you come from?" asked Ayane.
"He's like a ninja in an orange jumpsuit," said Patrick. "Hmm, I wonder if I can make a long running anime series out of that."
"It'd never work," said Ayane. "Come on Noodle, we have a Chris to catch."
"Are you sure Patrick and Kenny can hold them?" asked Noodle. As she said this, Faith got up and threw her knife at Kenny, killing him. "Are you sure Patrick can hold them?"
"If he does, he does," said Ayane. "He knows what he's getting himself into. In any case, we need every second we can spare to stop Chris's plane taking off."
"Leave that to us," came a familiar voice. Ayane turned to see Edward, flanked by a woman in blue, and a guy in red armour. "Elsa, Zuko, let's go."
"Got it," said Elsa, summoning as much ice as she could.
"Get ready Elsa," said Edward. "And…LET IT GO!" Elsa released the full fury of a blizzard at the back of the plane, with much of the ice stalling the engines.
"That was a terrible pun," said Zuko.
"Oh yeah? And what would you have said?" asked Edward.
"I'd have just said 'FIRE'!" said Zuko, hurling several fireballs at the plane as he said it. The fire struck one of the wings, causing the plane to spin out of control.
"Come on, there's no time to lose," said Edward.
"Why? It's not like he has a second plane ready to go," said Ayane. Edward stared her, about to say something. "He has a second plane, doesn't he?"
"Indeed he does," said Edward.
"There's no time to lose," said Ayane, running after the plane.
"Do you really think it's going to be that easy?" said Faith, appearing in front of them.
"Did you just kill Patrick?" asked Noodle.
"Nah, just knocked him out," said Faith, indicating his unconscious body. "I don't want to kill anyone…again. Just hurt them."
"You want a fight? You got it," said Zuko, dao swords in hand.
"Hey, don't I get to do something?" said Edward, lance lowered towards Faith.
"Three on one hardly seems fair, but I kinda want to join you guys," said Elsa.
"It won't be three on one," said Faith. "Rogue, get over here or I'll tell Chris."
"Go ahead. What's he gonna do about it?" said Rogue, staying where she was.
"Fine, I'll take them all by myself," said Faith, readying herself.
"Noodle, Ayane, you two need to go get Chris," said Edward.
"Don't worry about us. We can hold her for as long as you need," said Elsa.
"Let's go," said Ayane, running towards the exit. Faith managed to intercept her, knife ready to strike, when Noodle landed a punch in her unprotected chest. Faith was thrown backwards, but landed with a roll. She was making another charge at Ayane, when a wall of fire erupted in front of her.
"Us first," said Zuko, dao swords ready.
Ayane and Noodle raced across the tarmac to the plane wreck, which Chris was struggling out of. "Oh, man," said Chris. "I feel like I've been hit in the head with a sledgehammer."
"Be careful what you wish for," someone said, and suddenly Chris was knocked over by someone riding a hammer, which could only mean…
"Nora?" said Noodle.
"Hey guys," said Nora. "So, did I win?"
"Win what?" asked Ayane.
"You know, the challenge," said Nora. "The one where we get fired out of a geyser."
"Nora, that was two months ago," said Noodle. "You were eliminated."
"I got eliminated for winning?" said Nora. "That's it. Chris has another reason to die."
"Another?" asked Noodle.
"Do you want to know the reason Monty Oum died?" said Nora. "It's because this *beep* covered the surgical equipment in cat hair."
"Hey, I thought it was funny," said Chris.
"Nora?" said Ayane. "Smash." Nora grinned with glee (and a slightly evil twinkle in her eye) as she brought her hammer down on Chris from any angle she could manage.
"Shouldn't we finish the challenge?" asked Noodle.
"Are you not enjoying this?" retorted Ayane.
"Touché," said Noodle, sitting back to watch Nora.
"Hey beautiful," said someone behind them.
"Oh for *beep* sake, not you again," said Ayane.
"Come on, don't pretend you didn't miss me," said Stifler.
"But I didn't miss you," said Ayane. "At all. In fact, I'm pretty sure last time I saw you I made it very clear I hated you."
"Steve, I thought you said you knew how to pick up chicks," said Kevin, waiting nearby.
"Shut up, I know what I'm doing," said Stifler.
"No, you really don't," said Ayane.
"Hey, can anyone get in on kicking the crap out of Chris, or is it just Nora's turn right now?" asked Saeko, "Because it doesn't look like she gonna leave much left."
"Oh, hey Saeko," said Noodle. "I thought you said you weren't going to wait twenty episodes just to get revenge."
"Well unfortunately, Chris picked a *beep* up way of travelling," said Saeko. "But I've found him now, and I'm not losing him."
"I want a piece of him too," said Lyra, running up behind Saeko. "At least, Pan's going to get the piece for me." Pan appeared from inside Lyra's shirt as an ermine, but hit the ground as a wolverine.
"Oh, this is going to be fun," said Nora, stopping for a moment. "Alright you two, have at it."
"Together or separate?" asked Pan.
"I don't care," said Nora. "Just don't let him get on that plane…which he just did." As she said this, the second plane rolled past them and took off.
"Great, now how are we meant to catch him?" asked Noodle.
"Hang on," yelled someone behind her, and suddenly Noodle was scooped up by someone.
"What the? What's going on? Who are you?" demanded Noodle.
"My name is Eren Yeager," said Eren. "And I'm about to get you onto that plane." From out of his belt, Eren fired some kind of grappling hook, which stuck into the plane. Eren then pressed another button which pulled him right up close to the plane. "ALRIGHT TRUNKS! Open the door."
"Got it Eren," called a purple haired kid with a sword flying next to the plane.
"Wait, what about Ayane?" asked Noodle.
"She's right here," said Raven, appearing beside Noodle carrying Ayane. "Okay guys, when Trunks opens the door, be ready to take out Chris."
"Got it," said Noodle and Ayane in unison.
"In you go," said Trunks, opening the door. Eren and Raven threw their passengers through the door, which Trunks immediately closed.
"So, you finally made your way here," said Chris, horrifically beaten and hooked up to what appeared to be a life-support system. "But I still have one more ace up my sleeve."
"Oh yeah? What's that?" demanded Ayane.
"I have a young girl trapped in the cage behind this curtain," said Chris, opening the curtain. "If I push this button, a poisonous gas will…"
"It's empty," said Noodle.
"What?" demanded Chris, checking for himself. "How is that…?"
"Ay, ye weren't countin' on us ta be har, were ye?" came a voice from near the ground. The three of them looked down to see a group of blue skinned men with red hair.
"What are…" started Ayane.
"Those would be the Nac Mac Feegle," came the voice from behind them. "And I'm their hag, Tiffany Aching."
"Ay, that she is," said the lead Nac Mac Feegle. "And we's gon make ye sorreh for makin' us work for ye all that time fr nothin'."
"What?" demanded Ayane.
"Oh yeh, that scunner over theer and the dark-skinned other scunner had this 'ole thing pl'nned oot," said the Nac Mac Feegle. "And they stoled oor hag, tellin' us that if we did'n cart ye around all fr several moonths, he'd kill her."
"Fortunately, Chris didn't count on one thing," said Tiffany. "The Nac Mac Feegle can get into and out of anywhere they want to with great ease. Except for drinking establishments."
"Ay, but wat do ye expect us ta do?" asked the Feegle. "There's booze not gettin' drinked."
"Alright, I've had enough of this," said Chris, pulling out a suitcase. "Here, catch." Chris threw the suitcase with as much force as he could, straight into Ayane's chest. "There, Ayane wins season three. Now get off my plane." Chris connected some kind of wire from his head to a machine, and pressed a button seconds before being knocked out. All of a sudden, the door to the plane flew open, and everything started being sucked out as the plane went into a nosedive.
Meanwhile, down on the ground, the others looked on in horror. "Oh God, they're done for," said Lyra.
"Not if I can help it," said Trunks, flying up as fast as he could. The first one he saw come out of the plane was Tiffany. "Gotcha," he said, catching her with ease. "Where are the others?"
"I think Ayane and Noodle are still on board," said Tiffany.
"And the Feegles?" asked Trunks.
"Don't worry about them," said Tiffany. "A fall from this height will barely hurt them."
"Right. Let's go get…" started Trunks, just as a metal claw shot up from the ground and grabbed his leg. "What…" he started, just as another claw shot past him to grab Tiffany. Trunks pulled against his claw, but suddenly felt some kind of needle pierce his skin.
"Trunks…" said Tiffany, her voice sounding slurred. "There's some…kind of…tranquiliser…" Before she could finish, Tiffany passed out as the claw began to retract. Trunks fought against it for as long as possible, but could feel himself losing. Before losing consciousness, he noticed down on the ground the others were also being grabbed by these claws and being dragged underground, then finally blacking out.
It seemed like hours later when Trunks woke up. When he did, he found himself in a room with the other people who'd been present during the finale, who were also just waking up. "What's going on?" he asked.
"Hello kiddies," came an all too familiar voice. The entire room gasped in shock as Chris's face appeared in a giant monitor on one side of the room. "Welcome to my Fun House."
TOTAL DRAMA: CHRIS'S FUN HOUSE. COMING JULY 2015
Author's note: And like always, there's an alternate ending where Noodle wins over on Archive of Our Own.