A/N 1: This is the first ever two-parter for the series. It was inspired by lone-ranger1's review of "More Than Words". LR1 did a preliminary draft, helped with the Festivus traditions, which I know next to nothing about, contributed ideas and Betaed…not necessarily in that order. LR1 also wrote most of the "fight" scenes then I did a bit of rewriting, editing and adding. Thanks friend! JJ
Note from LR1: Full props to JJ (toosweet) for writing this. It was fun working with you! Enjoy folks!
How Jennifer Made the First Move
25 - Festivus: Atlantis Style!
Part Deux - Feats of Strength and Acts of Rebellion
Amelia Banks pushed her way through the throng to Sheppard's side and whispered in his ear. He nodded and she hurried back out.
"Okay. Okay. Quiet down!" Without being asked Keller let loose with another whistle. "Thank you, Dr. Keller. We have a special Festivus request. As you all know Colonel Carter could not be here." Hissing and booing. He waved his hands for quiet. "But she has sent us a video. I don't know what's on it so, Chuck, if you please."
The giant plasma screen came to life and Sam Carter's smiling face peered out at them from behind her desk at the SGC. "Hello, everyone. Sorry I couldn't be there for Atlantis' first ever Festivus. To tell the truth, I'd never heard of it but General O'Neill and Dr. Jackson were kind enough to explain the…traditions.
"Now, I have a few random grievances to air so I'll just go down the list with the approval of your Head of Household, Colonel Sheppard. However, I do outrank him:
"Colonel Sheppard, the frequent requisitions for alcoholic beverages make a lot more sense now that I know this was your idea. You keep making me laugh at inappropriate times. Cut it out! You've come close to death on numerous occasions. Cut that out too! Oh, and no lollipops at formal briefings.
"Ronon, please try to use sentences of more than three or four words. And Teal'c wants a rematch at your convenience.
"Major Lorne," she paused, "Um, well, I don't actually have any grievances for you. Sorry.
"Teyla, we never talked much while I was there. We need to rectify that. Also, I need a photo of you and your son for my desk here at the SGC. I'll put it next to Cassandra's high school graduation photo and those of my brother's kids.
"Mr. Woolsey, please try not to blow up the city. We like it the way it is.
"Jennifer, you and I will talk later. Promise." She scrunched her face in exaggerated thought.
"I feel like I'm forgetting someone. Oh, that's right! McKay!" She picked up a sheet of paper and they could see her nearly illegible writing on the backside of the page. Obviously her list of grievances against McKay was extensive. "The list is rather lengthy off the top of my head so I'll just hit the high points. Let's see…uh," she pretended to scan the list, "Ah! Do not destroy any more solar systems without approval. Stop telling everyone you're the smartest person in two galaxies because we both know it's not true. Stop whining about…everything. Stop going to the infirmary all the time. You're a hypochondriac! Suck it up! Call your sister once in a while. She misses you. No one is ever going to call you 'Rod' so stop asking. All that sarcasm gets boring after a while so…" She continued for another five minutes. Just as Sheppard was about to cut the video off she said, "…and finally, stop staring at my…um, well, all of the above. It is beyond annoying." She put the paper aside. "Thank you for allowing me to participate in your Airing of Grievances and I'm sorry I won't get to see the Feats of Strength. I miss you all! Take care! Bye."
The screen went dark and everyone turned to stare at Rodney while they whispered and pointed. Some stifled their laughter and others didn't bother. Rodney rolled his eyes.
Sheppard removed the tension that had started to build by chuckling and shaking his head, "Now that we've all had a big laugh at McKay's expense, we'll move on." Sheppard gestured to gather everyone closer. "The time has come to announce the name of the person who will attempt to pin the Head of Household, namely moi." He pointed to himself and made a short bow. A mixture of hoots, cheers, hisses and boos greeted him. "Chuck, drum roll, please! My choice of opponent in the Feats of Strength is…Dr. Rodney McKay!"
Rodney had his share of supporters and critics. Those that criticized Sheppard's choice were those who had hoped to be chosen for this somewhat dubious honor. Hisses and boos were well mixed with the cheers and shouts of encouragement.
He walked up to the heavily padded mat that had been brought in for the event and looked at it with trepidation. Now that it was time to put up or shut up he was having second thoughts. He wasn't allowed to wallow in misery for long because Sheppard had another announcement.
"Unfortunately, due to a rather…embarrassing medical condition, I will not be able to perform my duties as Head of Household." Now there were even louder shouts of disappointment. He looked around, caught Woolsey's eye and winked. They'd already discussed what was coming next. "I know. I know. I'm just as disappointed about this as you. But fear not! The Feats of Strength will proceed as planned for I have chosen…" he paused to build suspense,"…a substitute that should meet with everyone's approval. And if it doesn't well, too bad! As Head of Household this is my decision."
Now Rodney really started to get nervous. His palms began to sweat and his fight or flight response kicked in causing him to involuntarily turn for the exit. He was prevented from leaving by Lorne, Ronon and Teyla. He started panting, his eyes darting around as if looking for escape. "OhmyGodohmyGodohmyGod…I-I-I'm a dead man! He's gonna pick some Neanderthal jarhead with more muscles than brains that'll snap me in two with one hand while chugging beer with the other."
Ronon laughed and slapped him too hard on the back. "Remember, eyes on your opponent at all times. Never look away!"
Teyla added her own advice. "Everyone has a weakness. Look for your opponent's and exploit it. And for goodness sake, Rodney, keep breathing!"
The physicist was dressed in loose-fitting workout pants, t-shirt and sneakers. The crowd seemed to be undecided about what they wanted from this event in general and from him in particular. He received both cheers and jeers, often from the same person. Eyes, weakness, exploit, breathe! Well, one out of four wasn't bad, was it? He thought with foreboding.
He tuned back in to what Sheppard was saying amidst the cacophony of voices.
"…and my choice is…Dr. Jennifer Keller!" A collective gasp went around the room followed by a momentary silence. The cheering started with the majority in favor of his selection of the attractive doctor as his proxy and said so…loudly.
In lieu of advice, Lorne patted McKay on the shoulder and shook his head in sympathy and gave him a pitying smile. He'd seen Keller sparring with Ronon and Teyla and thought she was quite good for non-military.
Keller walked over to the mat area and removed her jacket to reveal that she was dressed similarly to Rodney. She pulled her long blonde hair back into a ponytail. After a quick stretching routine, she stepped onto the mat.
Rodney just stood there staring. His jaw had dropped and he closed it with a snap unable to fathom that he now had to wrestle the woman he loved in front of over a hundred people in this ridiculous celebration. This had to be Sheppard's idea! He was torn between thanking his friend and shoving C-4 somewhere that only a surgeon could remove it.
Eyes, weakness, exploit, breathe! He used the words as a mantra repeating them over and over in his head trying not to over think the situation as he too stepped onto the mat. He could see several of the staff speaking earnestly, nodding and smiling while money changed hands. They were betting on the outcome and he wondered what his odds were. Probably not very good, he thought with a sigh.
Stepping to the center of the mat Sheppard produced the mic and motioned the two of them forward. "Ladies and gentlemen, civilians and military. For our final event of the first annual Atlantis Festivus we now present…The Feats of Strength!
"In keeping with tradition, Festivus will not end until Dr. Rodney McKay pins the Head of Household's proxy, Dr. Jennifer Keller and holds her for three seconds." He raised his hands for quiet when the group dissolved again into disorder. "Okay, shake hands." Rodney cautiously stuck out his right hand and Jennifer gave it a lingering squeeze then took a step back. "Now bow to your opponent…and…Go!"
Jennifer turned to the side, knees slightly bent and her hands in the fighting ready position. She began to circle to the right, her eyes fixed on Rodney's face.
For his part, Rodney tried to copy her stance, also circling to the right. His only strategy at this point was to try to distract her so he could get close enough to take her down. He had superior upper body strength on his side. Well, maybe. So far it was not working.
With a sudden movement, she changed direction and was now circling to the left. "Jennifer, do you really expect me to pin you?"
She feinted and he brought his hands up to protect his face as he retreated then lunged forward. She easily side-stepped his "attack."
"Of course I do. I am the proxy for Head of Household. Festivus does not end until you pin me. Three seconds…minimum. That's the operative word, McKay, minimum." She winked startling him all over again.
They circled each other like wolves. His path eventually took him near Sheppard and he asked over his shoulder, "So what do you have that you couldn't do this? Since you have doomed me to this fate, I hope it's something incredibly painful."
"Keller called it a prolonged distortion of my subcutaneous follicular tissue."
"Oh. Sounds bad…and painful." He feinted at Jennifer and she quickly backpedaled out of reach. "What is it?"
He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. "Dandruff."
Rodney dropped his hands and turned to his friend in surprise. "What?!"
When his back was turned Jennifer grabbed his right arm and twisted it behind his back. It could have been extremely painful but she only used it as a means to get closer to him. She purred in his ear. "Are you ready to hear my grievance now, McKay?"
"Ow! Sheppard said I was safe." He leaned forward to take the pressure off his shoulder and elbow though it wasn't as bad as it could be.
"Humph. There's no 'safe' in Festivus."
She adjusted her grip and Rodney dropped and rolled out of her reach coming quickly to his feet. "Okay, so what's your grievance?"
They circled each other again. Jennifer feinted forward and back testing his reactions and Rodney retreated again.
"I've been leaving you hints for two weeks and you've ignored every one of them!"
His forehead creased in thought his mind running through the events of the last two weeks. "Hints? What hints?"
"Your favorite blue Jell-O, MREs, fruit cups without citrus, chocolates, little notes, things like that."
"That was you?!"
She slipped under his defenses and got him in a full-nelson. "Yes! Who did you think it was?"
He twisted and turned trying to break her hold but she was much stronger than she looked. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I thought it was the kitchen staff trying to get back on my good side after the debacle a few weeks ago. I was offworld on veal day, they promised to save me some and didn't."
"Nope. Me all the way."
He finally remembered something Ronon had taught him during one of their sparring sessions and let his body go limp. He wormed his way out of her grasp and they began circling each other once again.
Jennifer kept her eyes firmly on his waiting for just the right moment. She saw her opening, grabbed his right arm then stepped to her left and toward him bringing her right arm up against his chest. Her right leg swung through and back sweeping his feet out from under him in a classic take-down move. He landed on his back with all the wind knocked out of him. While he struggled for breath she straddled his stomach and pinned his arms to the floor beside his head. They both heard a three-count from Sheppard and a cheer went around the room. Rodney McKay had been pinned! Jennifer raised her arms in the air triumphantly.
Lorne winced in sympathy then whispered to his superior, "This is so pathetic not to mention painful to watch." To which Sheppard replied, "Yeah, but it's so much fun!"
*****
Jennifer gratefully took the bottle of water passed to her by Teyla as well as a towel to wipe away the perspiration while Ronon did the same for Rodney.
"It seems to be going rather…well." Teyla ventured.
"Mmm. We'll see." Jennifer said with a sly smile.
"You planned this." The beautiful Athosian stated and the doctor nodded.
"I figure I can pin him one more time before I have to let him win or he wins on his own."
Teyla was astonished. "You would allow him to win?"
The doctor laughed. "Well, yeah. That's what this is all about. In the end, we both win." She smiled and returned to the mat.
*****
"You need a new strategy, McKay." Ronon was telling Rodney. "Attack and retreat."
"Attack and retreat?" The physicist thought it over. "So I should just…hit her and run way."
"Exactly. You're never going to win but at least you'd get away with some dignity." Ronon squeezed Rodney's shoulders trying to loosen him up but his muscles were so tense he could barely get a grip.
*****
As before Rodney and Jennifer circled each other, feinting, retreating, testing.
The crowd cheered madly, fueled by booze, burritos and bets. It threatened to devolve into a bar fight but thankfully both Sheppard and Lorne had the foresight to post a few Marines around the room to keep the peace. In exchange they would get their choice of duty assignments for the next two weeks.
Jennifer lowered her arms fractionally and Rodney saw an opening. He went for it! The next thing he knew he was on his back again, Jennifer's forearm strike to his chest still rumbling through his body. She grabbed his leg and flipped him over then straddled his back. She placed her forearm across his neck and applied pressure to keep him down then leaned over and whispered seductively, "Mmm. This is would be so much more fun if we were both…naked." She nipped his ear lightly.
He was shocked, unable to verbally respond. Employing his superior upper body strength he flipped onto his back sweeping her to the side. Both climbed quickly to their feet but before he could formulate his next move she ran at him, arms bent at the elbows knocking him onto his back. He started to roll away from her but she dropped on top of him. His breath whooshed out from the impact. She rolled quickly getting behind him, this time employing a half-nelson. She augmented the hold by wrapping both of her legs around one of his to restrict his movements. In a strained voice he whispered back, "Jennifer, what is this all about?"
She purred in his ear. "Silly man, I've been trying to tell you I love you!"
He went limp with the realization that she loved him as he loved her. "Really?"
"Mmm-hmm. Really!"
Again there was the three-count and a roar from the crowd. Jennifer held on a few moments longer liking the feel of their bodies touching from head to foot. She finally let go and Ronon came forward to help Rodney to his feet while Teyla did the same for her.
*****
This time they took a longer break at Sheppard's insistence while Rodney and Jennifer kept shooting each other adoring glances.
Lorne had long ago handed the video camera to Stackhouse and was sitting in a chair trying to recover. He'd laughed so hard he could barely stand, his breath coming in great gulps. He gratefully accepted a cold beer from the servers who had taken the opportunity to spread more booze and burritos thereby boosting the mayhem level up another notch…or two…or three.
Sheppard thought a few words of encouragement to both combatants would be in order so he made his way to each whispering in their ears. Keller, blushed, smiled and waggled her hand. McKay just looked startled and shrugged. When he returned to Lorne's side the Major asked, "What did you say to them?"
Sheppard brought a finger to the side of his nose, "If I told you then I'd have to..."
"…kill me?"
"Exactly!" The Colonel brought a finger to his lips indicating an end to the conversation.
*****
Jennifer and Rodney circled each other again but their entire demeanor had changed. Now there was an air of expectation, excitement and playfulness swirling around them that was so intense it flowed around the room changing the atmosphere from that of an underground fight club to a romantic comedy.
Those who had placed bets quietly but firmly pushed their way to the front. Some had their fingers crossed for luck though who it was for was a mystery.
Rodney saw Jennifer's eyes look away just for a split second and he attacked. He lunged forward with a primal scream and the next thing he knew he was looking up at her from the mat. She had side-stepped his attack without even looking at him, sweeping his legs out from under him with a hook maneuver. She could have pinned him but hesitated and he rolled unsteadily to his feet.
Now the crowd was hissing, booing, cheering and hooting again though some of the assembled seemed to have changed sides. More of them were now shouting encouragement to Rodney and, in doing so, bolstered his confidence to the point where he thought, Hey, I might be able to win this thing after all!
Jennifer rushed him but he grabbed her wrist and spun her around. She tried to trip him but with some fancy footwork he didn't realize he knew got her in a clinch from behind. Hmm. Maybe I did learn something during those sparring lessons with Ronon after all, he thought. Jackie Chan, eat your heart out! Now all I need is something to use as a weapon, a burrito maybe or a fish like ones in the fish dancing skit from Monty Python. Now it was his turn to whisper seductively in her ear. "I love you too and you're right. This would be more fun if we were naked. But which of us would get to be…on top?"
His warm breath on her cheek and the rumble of his chest against her back made her weak in the knees. She pretended to struggle then turned her head and murmured back, "Mmm. Then we need to end this and get to the…private fight. And we can take turns being on top."
"Does that mean you're going to let me pin you?"
"Not on your life!" She elbowed him in the solar plexus, stomped his foot and was free. He yelped as much in surprise as in pain. She spun away from him but he reached out and caught her around the waist. Using gravity to its fullest effect, he dropped to one knee tossing her to the floor on her back. Swinging one leg over her he straddled her hips, trapping both wrists above her head.
A count of three was followed by an explosion of applause and whistling mixed with groans and other sounds of disappointment. The noise died down when they noticed that the combatants had remained in position.
Jennifer looked up at the man she loved with a smile and said, "Okay, you've pinned me fair and square. Now what are you going to do with me?"
He smiled lovingly and said, "This!" His head came down to hers and he kissed her. When he released her hands they went around his neck to pull him closer.
The crowd cheered until Sheppard was finally able to restore some semblance of order. When it was quiet again he stepped onto the mat, his hazel eyes filled with self-satisfaction and smugness for his part in getting them together. He raised one hand up as if in blessing and stated unequivocally, "Now that is a Festivus miracle!"
There was no more hissing or booing. The crowd cheered and applause thundered around the room as Rodney stood and pulled Jennifer to her feet keeping hold of her hand. Sheppard didn't think the noise level could get any higher but it did and was now nearly deafening.
"Okay, okay, that's enough! Quiet!" The pandemonium continued until Jennifer let out another high-pitched whistle. Finally the room was quiet enough for Sheppard to announce solemnly, "As Head of Household, I now declare…" he paused for dramatic effect and for Chuck to engage the reverb, "...the end of Festivus!"
*****
Hours later Jennifer awoke in the arms of the man she loved replete with a feeling of happiness and contentment such as she had never known. She heard a moan and Rodney pulled her closer to his bare chest and nuzzled her ear. "Hi, beautiful."
"Hello yourself, handsome."
"Mmm. Tell me something."
"Anything."
"What did Sheppard say to you after the second pin?'
She laughed, "He said, 'Make sure you don't wear him out during your post-Festivus activities. I need him sharp in the field tomorrow.' What did he say to you?"
"He, uh, said," Rodney paused, "Well, he said that, as a reward for getting us together, he wants us to name our first-born after him."
They both thought that over a moment then Rodney said, "Let's not talk about, uh…what's-his-name any more." He nibbled her earlobe making her gasp. "Mmm. Let's talk about how much I love you and how beautiful and incredibly intelligent you are."
She twisted in his arms pushing him onto his back with a smile. "Go ahead. I'm listening."
He kissed her lips tenderly punctuating his words with light kisses across her cheek and over to her ear. "I love you so much there are no words. You are beautiful, smart, sexy, mmm, make that very sexy, and oh, so sweet. And you were oh, so, mmmm, right!"
She began using her hands to create the most wonderful sensations throughout his entire body. "About what this time?"
He rolled them until he was propped over her and grinned at the bemused look on her face. "This is more fun naked!"
*****
Colonel Carter had been in her lab working non-stop for more than twenty-four hours when she heard a knock on the door. "Come in. Put it over there, please." She said absentmindedly.
"Put what over where, Colonel?"
Carter looked up to see Walter Harriman standing in the doorway. "Sorry. I thought you were Dr. Lee. What can I do for you?"
"You have a priority message from Colonel Sheppard."
"Thank you." She turned back to her work but Walter cleared his throat.
"I'm sorry, Colonel, Ma'am, but he asked that you watch the video immediately."
Her eyes widened in surprise. "Okay…thanks." He nodded and closed the door.
Carter went to her PC and clicked on the video file. It showed a large group of Atlantis' staff shouting and cheering. Sheppard was announcing that Jennifer Keller would be his proxy in the Feats of Strength against Rodney McKay. In the foreground was a padded mat. On the mat she saw Jennifer and Rodney circling each other warily.
Carter laughed out loud as she watched Jennifer best Rodney at the Feats of Strength over and over. She laughed so hard she could barely breathe, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue. A few minutes later, Rodney, in a wholly unexpected move, brought Jennifer to the mat.
But that wasn't the most shocking event. Once Sheppard had declared Jennifer pinned Rodney did not immediately free her. Instead, he leaned down and kissed her. He released her arms and she wrapped them around his neck. "Whoa!" She exclaimed in surprise and…reluctantly, admiration. "Way to get the girl, McKay!"
After forwarding the video to Rodney's sister, Jeannie Miller, along with a quick note Carter decided it was time to actually leave her lab for a meal and headed for the Mess Hall. On the way there she passed the open doors of numerous offices and labs. From each and every one she heard the unmistakable sounds of Rodney McKay getting his butt kicked by Jennifer Keller.
She poked her head into Dr. Lee's lab and saw one of his assistants doctoring a short clip of the video, the part where Jennifer has Rodney on the mat in a half-nelson and both legs wrapped around one of his. The caption said, "It's a Festivus Miracle!" The man then uploaded it to a video sharing site as well as every Festivus-oriented site he could find. She hid a laugh behind her hand when she realized that, by morning, everyone with a PC of any type and even the smallest interest in Festivus would see the arrogant, egotistical physicist twisted into a pretzel by a woman half his size.
*****
Daniel Jackson caught up with her just outside the Mess Hall. "I take it you've seen the video of Rodney and Dr. Keller engaged in the Feats of Strength."
Sam nodded. "I'm thinking it's going to be my new screen saver. I needed a good laugh and it was so thoughtful of Sheppard, Keller and McKay, to provide one. Hey, you wanna get some dinner? I'm buying." She hooked her thumb over her shoulder.
"Sure. I've been working non-stop for, um," he looked at his watch, "Whew! Twenty-six hours, ten minutes and thirty-seven seconds…give or take. What's your pleasure tonight, Sam?"
"How about…lemon chicken in honor of," she put a hand over her heart and said solemnly, "Dr. Meredith Rodney McKay, defeater of the Head of Household for Atlantis' first annual Festivus celebration."
"Perfect!" He made an after you gesture then followed her into the Mess Hall. "It is still night, right?"
The End