Thanks for the reviews, the support and your good mood :) Means a lot to me ^^
And, yeah, everything's fine now, have the usual worries with school, but I'm only one month and a half away from the three months holidays on Summer... I CANT wait! You can bet that's gonna be wild! haha
Enjoy and review.
Songs in the chapter: Slipknot - Snuff / The Hush Sound - That's Ok / Blink 182 - First Date
Dougie's POV
... I couldn't face a life without your lights, but all of that was ripped apart when you refused to fight...
I stood up and changed the song. My Ipod was connected to the stereo system of the living-room, it was loud that the neightbours would have complained in a regular day. But this wasn't a regular day, it was Christmas...
How ironic, I'd recieved loads and laods of invitations for different parties and yet here I was, alone.
... And when you're gone, will they say your name? And when you're gone, will they love you the same? If not, that's okay...
I swallowed; Stephanie's favorite band. I forgot I had her music on my Ipod.
I changed songs quickly, feeling like I had something rather big stuck on my throat.
... Honest, let's make this night last forever. Forever and ever, let's make this last forever...
"Oh, for God's sake-" I said annoyed. How come every single song reminds me of her? I never thought I wouldn't want to listen to Blink 182, I wouldn't have thought that was possible.
I just turned it off. I didn't need anything to remind me of her, she was already on my mind, all the time. All the freaking time.
The images from that night kept coming to my mind, reminding me of the disaster, the humilliation, the moment she left, the faces of my family members...
Were they waiting for me to magically show up and actually spend the night with them? They were fools if they thought I was coming back.
I did want to though. They are my family, but... How can they be so selfish if they supposely love me? We just have different ideas of what's best for me...
I'm not coming back home, I've made up my mind about that.
It was passed midnight.
I sat on the couch again, this time no music. It was supposed to distract me, not disturb me. Just a few lights were on, not the one in this room. My suitcase was still on the floor, my clothes inside it. The pizza box was lying on the floor next to the couch, as well as a couple of small bottles of the most decent beer I was able to find on Christmas night. God, something smelled bad aswell.
I sobbed loudly.
Oh, jeez, what am I going to do? I suck without her. How the hell did I manage to live on my own without her before? I'm a disaster!
And how foolish I'd been! Of course she'd say no! I'm a child! How can I get married like that? How can I take care of her if I can't take care of myself? I rubbed my hands against my eyes, I felt so stupid. If only I hadn't proposed! Maybe we would be here, eating something together, making love, who knows! Or we'd be in Corringham, eating mum's delicious Christmas food.
I kicked the floor.
Have you ever wished that you could go back in time and change whatever shit you did that ruined something or made you look extremely stupid so badly that you end up wanting to punch something out of deep frustration? Or is it just me?
She had to come back at some point... I mean, all her stuff is here. Where's she gonna go? Will she stay with some friend? A male friend? Will she still let me pay her studies? I didn't want her to stop just because we weren't together anymore, she was great at what she did... But I knew her well, she wouldn't let me.
Was I able to see her if she came back, and just let her leave? Should I say something? Should I lock her up in my room forever? That sounded like a rather great idea.
I'd been lying here most the day and, to be honest, I was tired of doing nothing and feel pitty about myself, but I was too sad to care aswell. I rest my head against the couch and closed my eyes. I sighed...
The light went on and I turned around alarmed.
I stared at Stephanie, confused. Oh, fuck, how much have I been drinking? It wasn't that much... Was it? Had I fallen asleep?
"Are you really here or should I start worrying?" I said naturally, without even thinking about it.
"What?" she said confused.
"Oh, you are here" I said awkwardly, an uncomfortable warm feeling rising inside my chest.
"Yeah..." she said.
"I didn't touch your things, so... You can take my suitcases if you want. Take your time to get all your need"
I felt like crying again, how ridiculous. Well, I wasn't going to cry in front of her...
... I just didn't think she'd really come to ask me for her things so quickly.
She stared at me for a moment, looking confused again. She opened her mouth like she was going to say something, but then close it. Steph just looked down and nodded. She looked sad. I hated seeing her sad. It was hard to resist the urge to hug her.
I turned around, unable to keep looking at her. She looked so beautiful, though tired. I heard her footsteps as she ran up the stairs and walked toward our room.
This was it, she was leaving.