New Year, New Me

No copyright infringement intended. Twilight is the property of Stephenie Meyer. I'm just playing with her characters for some fun.

o0o

Chapter 25

I am delightfully comfortable, though I can feel the twinge of aches in various places on my body. I am tucked into Edward's side, and his hand trails languorous patterns on my bare back. "How is it that I didn't see you around these last few months, if you've been in Seattle?"

I feel him wince a little, so I turn to see his face. He has that frown line between his eyebrows.

"I knew you didn't want to see me. I knew that it was too soon, that things would be raw... So I'm ashamed to say that I avoided you." He winces again like he's expecting me to react badly. "I took Stella for walks in the day when I knew you'd be at work, and used other parks on the weekend."

"That makes sense." He's right, seeing him wouldn't have been a good thing.

He looks at me curiously, trying to gauge my mood, I think. "I made the mistake of walking at Carkeek on the weekend once. It was in the afternoon, and you usually run in the morning, so I figured it would be okay. I avoided your usual route. I–" He hesitates.

"What happened?"

He rubs his face with his hand. "It was a sunny afternoon and I walked through the woods because you stick to the paths for running, but there you were."

"You saw me?"

"Yes. I only saw the back of your head and your profile, but God, you were beautiful, even more than I had remembered. You were eating at one of the picnic benches on the west side. I think my heart actually stopped when I saw you. My feet made their way to you without my consent, and then I saw," he hesitates again, "him."

He turns to his side so we are face-to-face, and strokes his hand down my upper arm. "I know I have no right. I know that I ended things between us, but that was a dagger to my heart. I've never felt pain like it." He tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. "You looked happy. Not the exuberant type of happy like the whale watching, but peaceful, enjoying a nice day. I liked that you were happy, but it shattered me that it was with someone else." The pain in his eyes is palpable, even though he's holding me in his bed.

"It was you that day! I thought I saw Stella. I thought I felt you, somehow. But she disappeared into the woods, and I wrote it off as a hopeful imagination."

"I hoped you hadn't seen me. I didn't want to ruin your day with your boyfriend." His face contorts a little at the word.

"That was Jake."

"Your friend Jake?"

"Yeah. We were just hanging out."

"I presumed you were together. After you told me about Mike, I thought that must have been him." That groove between his eyebrows grows deeper. "That's when I knew that I couldn't stay in L.A. For me to feel so much, just seeing you in the park with another man… It was senseless to pretend I could ever have anything with Tanya, regardless of the baby." His face softens as he continues, "But you looked happy, so I stayed away and tormented myself with thoughts of you and him. And now I find out he wasn't even your lover! I'm pathetic."

I place my hand on his cheek and make him look at me. "You're not."

"You were so much better at it than me. You're a coper. I love that about you; you always move forward, no matter what. I want you to teach me how to do that."

His eyes are soft, and I see admiration in his face. It makes me blush and I look down as I say, "You are doing that." I peek up at him briefly. "You've changed your whole life."

"Yeah, after years of treading water, and a back step."

"Don't be so harsh on yourself. You'll have been learning something on the way. What is it they say? That life's about the journey, not the destination? And anyway, you've achieved so much. You are a 'Living Legend'. That's a big deal."

His smile is bashful. It makes him look younger than his years. "You read that article?"

"I may have Googled you, back when Seth wondered if you were the Edward Cullen. I mean how many people can say that?"

"Well, I was on a list of ten…" But I see a glimpse of his usual self-assurance return.

"And, I… I Googled you after you left, too. But I got my comeuppance already and saw lots of some photos of you and Tanya at some events."

"They must have been from before; before I was here."

We lay quietly for a while. Then I ask, "When are we going to talk about the future?"

"What do you want to talk about?"

I see a trepidation in his eyes that makes me uncomfortable, but I go on. "Well, you're going to have a baby, and I was wondering how I would fit in?"

"Erm, however you want. What do you want?" He moves to sit up a little to see me better, I assume, and I follow suit.

"Well, I'm definitely going to want to meet him, but how will that work with him being in L.A?"

"You could come with me at some point, and he'll come here when he's older. Would you want to come with me?"

"I can't not meet your son."

He shifts his weight again and twists so that he can look me in the eye. "But do you want to meet him? I mean really want to? I don't want you to feel obligated."

"Of course I want to."

The tension that had creeped into him since I brought this subject up recedes, and his features relax back into contentment.

"Do you want me to be involved with him?" I ask. I want to be a part of Edward's life, and that means being a part of his son's life, too. But it's complicated. I'm not his mother, and I don't want to step on Tanya's toes in that regard. Though, in other ways I'd like to stomp all over them. It's further complicated by the fact that I'm probably persona non grata as far as Tanya is concerned. I don't want to make things more difficult for Edward.

"How do you mean?" His brow furrows in question.

"If we're going to do this"—I gesture my hand between us—"do you want me to, I don't know, help look after him and stuff?"

"I haven't really thought that far. I don't expect anything. I thought we could play it by ear? I don't have any experience of this."

A frown bunches his brows together. It must be daunting. Unplanned parenthood is not for the faint-hearted. Parenthood in general, I would imagine.

"You'll be a great father. You'll find your way. And if you want me to, I'd like to help."

"I fucked things up so bad." He tugs at his hair. "But I feel awful thinking that way about my son. The first thing I thought when I found out was 'no, this can't be happening.' I had just found you, and the thought of letting you go... the thought of being bound to Tanya forever." A shudder runs though him. "I'm a terrible person."

"You're not. You're human, just like the rest of us. It's what you do that matters, and you're going to be there for your son."

"You're amazing." He lies back down and takes me with him. We are face-to-face, lying on our sides. "Do you know that?"

"I've been told a time or two."

"I can't believe you're finally mine." He grasps my face and kisses me slowly at first, and then with a growing urgency. He rolls me onto my back, and I can feel him everywhere.

I break the kiss with some difficulty, both for breath and to admonish, "Ah-ah-ah. It's my turn." I push at his shoulders so that he rolls onto his back. I rise to my knees, and look down at him. He is a glorious sight most of the time, but naked and spread out on his bed, he is something else entirely. His hair is all over the place as usual though, this time, I'm as much to blame. My fingers just want to be in that hair.

He is wonderfully toned, and his muscles twitch under my appraisal. I delight in it. I sweep my hand up the inside of his thigh, and he takes a deep breath that he holds. I'm in a teasing mood and skip his groin, resuming my exploration at his stomach. I circle his navel with my fingertip, and he exhales brokenly.

His hands settle at my waist as I straddle him. They move upwards towards my breasts. "No, no," I say. "You're not to move." I take his hands and plant them above his head. He plays along, but he's finding it difficult not to touch me. His hips strain upwards. "No moving."

He holds his breath again as I explore his face, his lips, with my fingers. I kiss him, and he groans into my mouth. Then his hands are on me.

I sit back, breaking his hold, and move away from him. "You have a devilish look in your eyes, love."

I smile in response. His abs clench, and he closes his eyes as I take him in my mouth. He lets out a guttural sound. It makes me feel powerful – him writhing in pleasure beneath me.

I reach out to the bedside table to grab a condom. Edward lets out such a large sigh, I think he must have been holding his breath much too long. I take my time ripping open the packet. He's watching me now – every move I make.

He lunges for me, taking me off guard, and before I know what's happened I am flat on my back, and he's on top of me.

He looks deep into my eyes as he pushes inside of me. There is no playfulness now. There is no laughing; no words at all. This time it is slow, and savoring. There is a promise in this exchange that frightens me as much as it appeals. I feel like a moth drawn to the flame. A part of me whispers, you can take the heat.

o0o

Waking up with Edward is as nice as falling to sleep with him. His breathing is deep, and his skin is warm. I love the smell of him. I tuck my face into his side and take a deep breath. I may be some kind of pervert myself. He stirs, and his arm tightens around me.

"Morning." His voice is gravelly with sleep.

"Morning." I kiss his chest where I have tucked my face.

He squirms. "That tickles!" I do it some more.

The day passes quickly in our cocoon of pleasure and newly found intimacy. I am a little nervous about meeting his parents. They're having a barbecue, and Rose and her husband Emmett are going to be there, too.

It's a bright summer's day so I opt for a summer dress and some flat sandals. I ask Edward to stop by the market on the way so I can buy a bunch of flowers and a bottle of wine.

"You don't have to do that," he says.

"I know, but I was brought up to not show up empty handed."

His mother, Esme, answers the door and she is delighted to see us. She takes the flowers and ushers us in.

"Your dad's barbecuing already," she says and nods in the direction of what must be the back yard. Edward smiles at me and takes his cue, leaving us alone.

"These are beautiful, Bella. It's so kind of you." Her caramel colored hair is pulled back in a chignon, but I can still see the wave in it. She has a pretty face, largely untouched by age. It is only the wrinkles around her eyes that give her away. "I am so pleased to meet you."

"Me, too. It's kind of you to invite me."

"Are you kidding? We've wanted to meet you for the longest time."

I hadn't really thought that Edward would have talked to his family about me, but of course he has. "You seem like a close family."

"We are, and we aren't. Both of my children are so independent that they don't rely on me as much as I would like. But I guess I raised them okay if they're strong minded." She laughs, but I think it hides a sadness; she needs to be needed.

"I think you did a great job."

The pride beams out of her. "I can tell we're going to get on well." She winks at me exaggeratedly and resumes arranging the flowers in a vase. "Edward tells me you're from the other side of the Olympic Park."

"Yeah, a little town called Forks. I go back whenever I can."

"And your mom is in Florida?"

"Yes, we're meeting up for a vacation in Nashville soon." I stand by the kitchen counter as we talk. I rest my hands on the marble counter in front of me. It is a beautiful kitchen in the old French style, but with modern twists. I wonder if Edward had anything to do with the design of the house.

"Oh, how wonderful! I've never been."

"Mom is psyched to be going to the Opry." She's always liked country music. I remember her singing to Dolly Parton when I was younger. There is a quote my mom loves: "The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain." I found a pretty greeting card with those words a few years back and had it framed as a gift for her. Good things can sometimes come from the strangest places.

"You must tell Carlisle your plans. He likes country music." She talks with her hands in a way that reminds me of Edward.

"I'm no expert. But I'm excited to go. I like live music."

"Let's go through and meet everyone." Esme is the consummate hostess. She introduces me to everyone like we are old friends and bids me sit down.

Everyone is friendly. When Rose speaks, her usual reserve falls from her face, even more so when she is speaking to Emmett, I note. He is a bear of a man, all thickset muscles and easy-going charm. He pours me a glass of white wine. "Thanks."

Carlisle, Edward's father, looks every bit the retired professional. He is wearing suit pants despite the weather and the occasion, and he even has cufflinks on his shirt sleeves. He strikes me as an old fashioned gentleman. "I hope you like meat, Bella," he calls from his position manning the barbecue.

"I do, yes. That smells so good." I gesture to the grill. It's no exaggeration, and my stomach growls at the aroma.

"Good, good. We've no patience for vegetarians here," he says as he expertly turns a rack of ribs.

"Carlisle!" Esme scolds.

"It is what it is. You can't fill up on lettuce."

I laugh. "I'm with you. I just couldn't do it. Salad is a garnish, not a meal."

"I'm with you there. I appreciate a woman with an appetite." Maybe I have overestimated the gentlemanliness. I find that I like him though, and my smile is genuine. Even more so, when I see Edward's cheeks pink slightly. He rolls his eyes and we exchange a grin.

It's nice to see the family in action; how they interact and bicker good-naturedly. I had feared I would have been out of my depth—what with their semi-famous careers and obvious resulting wealth—but no, we are more alike than I would have thought. I see many parallels with my own family – Esme's mothering, Carlisle's good-natured grumpy old man grumbling, and Rose's resting bitch face. I could easily be at home with my mom, dad, and Leah. Emmett has Seth's easy going nature; I think they'd get on. Edward is the only one without a parallel to my family. Perhaps he is my parallel; stubborn and slightly too serious for our own good.

Esme is so very keen to talk and get to know me that I spend very little time with Edward. We are alone in the kitchen when she says, "I think you're good for him."

"You do?"

"My mom, God rest her soul, used to say that there are two types of people – givers, and takers." She wipes down the kitchen counter as she talks. For all the grandeur of the house, there are no airs and graces. "Now, Edward, he's a giver. Tanya is a taker – take, take, take." She waves her arms away from her in an overstated movement.

"Edward needs a giver. You're a giver, I can tell." She waves her finger in the air. "He has this special smile when he talks about you. I knew it the first time he mentioned you. He told me about Stella knocking you down in the park—she's such a boisterous ball of fluff, sorry dear—and I knew straight away that you were important. His whole face lit up."

"Really?" I think back fondly on that day. Though I ended up with bruises and cut knees, elbows, and hands, I can't regret it. Without that, I never would have gone for coffee with him. I wonder if he'd have asked me out anyway. I would like to think so.

"Oh, yes. I knew you were going to be special. His head got turned when he was young; a beautiful redhead with talent but no substance. This time, I think he knew to look for both. Now, don't get me wrong, I am near ready to explode at the thought of being a grandma"—I can see it in her face—"but I'm glad he's chosen his happiness for a change. Anyway, tell me about your family."

We chat a while longer in the kitchen, and I help clear up. Then we move back outside with the rest of the family. I don't get chance to talk much to Carlisle, but I think we're buddies now that we bonded over our disdain of salad.

Rose is quiet, but not unfriendly. Emmett does most of the talking. As I watch her more closely, I see a sorrow in her eyes that I haven't seen before, a worry that tightens her brow. Then I notice that she's often resting her hand on her belly. I remember a long time ago, Edward told me that they were trying for a baby. There is no bump to speak of, not yet anyway.

"I have an important question for you, Bella," Emmett says. "Seahawks or Mariners?"

"Erm, the Seahawks are football right?"

There is a loud chorus of disgust. "Wrong answer," Emmett booms. "Edward, what are you doing man?"

"Choosing a girlfriend based on something other than sports," he says deadpan.

Emmett sits back in contemplation. "Hm, funny you should mention criteria. Is thinking you're married to your sister one of them?"

Edwards lands a hefty punch in his arm, and Emmett guffaws. I am sure that it would have hurt an average-sized man. There is some mileage in this joke, and I feel warmth in my cheeks.

"Don't mind him, Bella," Rose says. "He's just deflecting because he doesn't want us to get started on his gaffes."

Some ribbing of Emmett ensues, and I understand very little of it. I must find out about these in-jokes.

Edward reaches for my hand. "You okay?" he whispers.

"I'm great. I'm having fun."

He squeezes my hand in relief. I'm glad that I said yes. It's becoming my new favorite word.

We say our goodbyes as the light dims, and the drive home is pleasant. Night has fallen by the time we reach the city and I enjoy watching the lights reflect on the water. I must admit, though I had a good time, I am glad to have Edward all to myself again. It's such a novel feeling; having a boyfriend, and wanting to be with someone all the time.

I check my phone. I have a text from Jake. "Oh I forgot, I am supposed to be meeting Jake for coffee tomorrow." I type out a quick reply to sort the time and place.

"I meant to say, if you want to invite any of your friends around, you're more than welcome. I would like to meet them." He gestures with his hands, even with them on the steering wheel and I am reminded of Esme.

"Yeah, maybe we could have dinner or something. Seth is tripping over himself wanting to meet you."

He sneaks a quick glance at me and flashes a smile. Even in the dim light his handsomeness is disarming. "We should make plans, then. Maybe Seth would want to see my study?"

"Would he ever! I'll text him." I tell him a bit more about my family and friends as we drive through the darkness.

Stella greets us back at the house with a loud yelp and some happy whining. She's such a bundle of joy. "Why didn't we take her?" I ask. "Your mom says she goes with you there mostly."

He shakes his head. "She can't be trusted with the barbecue. She tries to eat the meat, and I'm scared she'll get burned." Figures.

Edward strolls over to his answer machine that is flashing and hits the button. A woman's voice I don't recognize seethes through the speaker, "Why the fuck aren't you answering your phone?" Edward reaches into his coat pocket for his cell, and his eyes bulge.

The woman continues on the answer machine, "Tanya has gone into labor, you fool. Get here now. Let me know when you get the message."

His phone is already at his ear. "What's happened, Irina?"

Who the hell is Irina? I can't hear what she says, but I can sense her tone. Edward's face is stern. There is no love lost between them.

"What does that mean?" he asks. "I'll get the first flight I can." He ends the call and looks at me. "It's too early. She gone into labor. The doctors aren't saying what's wrong. Hell!" He drags his hand through his hair and paces the floor. "I need to get a flight. Shit."

"I'll start the computer, you go pack."

He grasps me by the shoulders, takes a deep breath and plants a kiss on my lips. "Thanks."

"It'll be okay. Go." I gesture towards the stairs.

He takes the stairs two at a time, and I allow worry to color my features now he is out of sight. This can't be good, surely? I don't really know much about childbirth. Only what I've gleaned from Alice recently. If Grey's Anatomy is to be trusted, I am sure that babies can survive being born much earlier than a month these days.

I switch on Edward's laptop. There is a flight eleven ten this evening with seats available that he could just about make. I grab my wallet and make a reservation for him. I enter his room just as he's zipping up a hold-all and tell him about the flight.

"That was quick!"

"I have my talents. Have you got your ID?" He checks his back pocket and nods. "You drive. I'll check you in on my phone on the way."

I half-jog down the stairs with Edward on my heels. He lets Stella out while I replenish her water and food.

Edward grabs his keys.

"We're cutting it fine, but I think we'll make it," I say as I climb into the car.

"What about Stella this week? I'll need to call Rose."

"It's fine. I'll be here. I can work from home some. We'll work it out."

"Her number is saved in the phone if you need it." His hands grip the steering wheel tightly.

Edward is quieter than I've ever known him to be. In our rare moments of quiet, we are usually relaxed and comfortable. Now the tension in the air is palpable, and I don't know how to make it better. I don't think it's within my power.

His hands grip the steering wheel so tightly they turn white. I put my hand over the one closest to me and give his a small squeeze. "It'll be okay." I hope it will. "Don't worry about anything here. I'll take care of Stella."

He reaches out for my hand and grips it tight like it is a life-line. After a while he says, "Be careful. Promise me you'll call Jenks if you are the slightest bit concerned. Make sure you use the alarm."

"I will."

His brow puckers. "Can you get a friend to stay with you, so you're not alone?"

"Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. Seth might like the quiet at your place as opposed to his dorm. I'll ask him tomorrow."

He lets out a sigh. "It would make me feel better. Give him your room. Will you," he sounds uncertain, "stay in mine?"

"Of course." I'll do whatever he wants. I'd do anything to take that look of dread from his face.

Author's Note

I can't say thank you enough to those who are reviewing this story – I so love to hear your thoughts. Thanks to everyone for reading.

Special thanks to Songster who is an amazing beta!

Rhian

xx